Date: Wed, 19 Nov 2008 16:27:30 EST
From: HnstSkr4@aol.com
Subject: Jason and Shaun - Chapter 5

Enjoy the story!  Things are starting to look up for our characters.  I
hope I've dragged it out enough for you.  Jason's point of view will not be
appearing in this chapter.  I want to focus on Shaun's character, his past,
and his feelings for Jason.

Okay, these characters are not meant to resemble any living or dead person.
I make no apology to anyone who is offended by anything in this story.

Let me know what you think of the story by emailing me at
_Hnstskr4@aol.com_

Copyright 2008 by Chuck B.


Jason and Shaun

Chapter 5

Love's Anguish


I arrived home after the being out for the evening.  As I entered the
building, Miss White greeted me at the door before I made it to the
apartment.

"Shaun, I need to speak to you now!"

"Why?  Can I at least grab something to eat first?"

I really wanted to grab a something to eat.  There was also something to
her voice.  She wanted to talk to me about something big that could only be
my feelings for Jason.  I know what my feelings are telling me.  Miss White
is going to spring something on me.  I can feel it in every fiber of my
body.


Her face said it all.  She didn't need to say, "No!"  I turned and followed
her into her apartment.  I sat down and she sat down, too.  She reached out
her right hand and placed it on my shoulder.  Rarely have I seen her so
serious.  She looked at me and took a deep breath.

"Jason was over today to talk to me about you."

Why would he go to her?  Why not just talk to me?  I don't understand it.
What was he hoping to get out of it?  I shouldn't worry about it.  She'll
tell me.  I may not like it, but she'll tell me.

"So what did he talk about with you?"  I want to know what was discussed in
their visit.

"Shaun, he talked about you!"

I guess that I didn't realize that I was that interesting that he should
want to talk about me.  Couldn't he just talk to me about it?  Maybe I'm
ready to talk.

"Jason knows that you're holding back on him.  I can't blame him for coming
to me."

If she can't blame him, I sure can.  If I'm holding back on him and he
knows it.  Then again, I have to ask why he didn't come to me.  Yeah, I'm
holding something back.  I'm holding back how I feel for the man who is
currently sharing my home.  I'm still afraid of losing what I have.  Though
I get the feeling that maybe I'm only hurting myself holding back.

"He knows that you love him.  He heard you talking with someone on the
phone and heard you tell that person that you love him."

"Wait, you mean he was listening in on my conversation?"

She frowned a little bit as the words left my mouth.  I knew exactly what
was about to come out of her mouth.

"Wait one minute young man, didn't you listen in on his conversation?"

I didn't want to answer her.  I'm not going to answer her either.  When she
realized that I was not about to respond to that question, she continued
talking.

"Shaun, you have to tell him!  I mean come on; you already know that Jason
is gay.  So why hold back?"

Why must I be forced to spill my guts?  If he already knows that I love
him, can't we go on from there?  I wasn't meant to answer her question.
She got ready to keep talking.

"Shaun?  I know what he made you for breakfast and it was pretty special.
He was really trying to impress you, and you totally blew it off."

I just figured it was to celebrate my opening up to him.  To me, it was a
big deal.  Hmm?  Now the question is does he blame me for my actions?  If I
was him, I would be upset.  Now where else is this little visit going to
take me?


She still was not smiling.  I could see her mind running a mile a minute.
When she gets like this, I know that I'm in trouble.

"Do you act funny around April?"

"Look Miss White, I already know that April isn't his girlfriend.  Yeah, I
guess that for a short time that I acted weird around her."

She opened her mouth yet again to talk to me.  I'm beginning to feel that
this visit is just a chance for her to unload on me.  She seems to be just
rehashing stuff that I already know about Jason and me.

"He also told me about you spying on him and his friend.  I know your
family would disown you for coming out but my question to you is, do you
love him?"

Love him?  I care for him more than I do myself.  I love him with all my
heart.  I have said it before but I've felt something for him since the day
that he entered my apartment.

"I've felt something for him since the day he moved in with me.  At first
maybe it was lust, but it's now something much larger than lust.  What I
feel for him now can only be described as love."

She seemed to question what I just said.

"So if you love him, why not just tell him?"

I am not sure why I haven't told him how I feel.  Okay, so he heard me say
that I love him, but I haven't told him how I feel just yet.

"I guess, I was scared that he would reject me at first.  I was jealous of
April and him at first, and honestly, I believed that they were dating.
When I was caught listening to the conversation, I was only trying to see
if he might have been talking about me."

Yeah, I knew that I was wrong, but I guess I didn't think about it.  Now I
have to face that decision and I am truly sorry for that decision.  Miss
White looked at me and just shook her head.

"Look Shaun, if you don't tell him how you feel, you're going to lose him.
You need to accept April as his friend.  If you don't figure this out, you
are going to chase him away.  I think that the pain you experienced from
that experience with Payton is still bothering you."

I've faced the pains of that experience many times since it happened.
Maybe deep down inside, I've not been able to let go of the hurt.  I'm sure
she is right, but I don't need my shortcomings pointed out to me.  I am
also very much aware of the fact that I've been acting like a fool.

"Shaun, I am going to say this again, you need to tell him how you feel
before you lose him."

I put my head between my legs, paused and then came back up.  I wanted to
cry.  I didn't know that I was being so stupid.  It really just felt like
he wasn't interested in me.  Jason is the last person that I want to lose
in my life.  When I looked at her face, I could see the smile beaming
across her face.  She could see my sorrow washing down my face.  I look at
her and start to talk.

"I don't want to lose him.  You know, he's is someone that I could spend
the rest of my life with.  I suppose only time will tell exactly what's
going to happen between us but I don't want to say goodbye.  I guess that I
had better sit down with Jason and tell him what's going on."

She stood up and patted me on the back.

"Would you like to have some reheated dinner?"

She's perfectly willing to share what was left of her dinner.  She had
cooked some chicken and noodles, green beans, and some rice.

"You don't have to do that.  I can heat up something from home."

"I don't mind, really!  Shaun, you need to eat."

She went into the kitchen and heated up the food.  When the microwave alarm
went off, she brought the food out to me.  She sat on her couch and worked
on a crossword puzzle while I ate.  This woman has greatly blessed my life.
She's helped more times than I can count.  I took the plate into the
kitchen and washed the dishes for her.  I immediately told her thanks and
left to go home to see Jason.  The apartment was quiet.  I checked his
bedroom and sure enough, he was fast asleep.  Once my body touched the bed,
tears started to run down my face.  I cried myself to sleep with tears of
joy.