Date: Wed, 09 Feb 2000 11:12:17 PST
From: Chip Dyp <chipdyp@hotmail.com>
Subject: Jason & Taylor 9

The following program contains material suited for a mature audience.  If
you are not over 18 you should be leaving now.  Of course I can't control
you and neither can anyone else really.  This story is entirely false except
for the true parts.  This is the ninth segment of this story and I highly
recommend reading the first eight segments that can be found in the Nifty
Archive.  And now for our feature presentation.  Viewer Discretion is
advised...

    My web site is located at http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Atrium/2898.

Jason & Taylor- Segment IX
by:  Chip Dyp  (chipdyp@hotmail.com)

CHAPTER 28

    I knew I was in trouble the minute I walked in the front door of the
Rawlings house.  Things had been going badly since we got back from the
lake, and it was beginning to strain our relationship.  Jason had caught me
in a couple of little lies, and I don't think he was buying the excuses I
was giving him.  I felt bad about lying to him, but it had to be done.

    Jason was just about to start his final exams, and I was doing my
damndest to keep his concentration on his studies.  I didn't want to be a
distraction to him.

    "Where were you?" Jason asked coldly as he stormed down the stairs.

    "I was at the University," I said dropping my book bag on the floor.

    "Why do you keep lying to me?  John saw you downtown."

    "I had to run an errand."

    "What kind of errand?"

    "One that's none of your business," I shot back.  I walked over to the
bathroom so I could splash some water on my face and escape from this
conversation.

    "Don't you dare walk away from me!"

    "What is your problem?"  I shouted turning on Jason.  "I didn't realize
that I had to have your permission to run an errand.  Perhaps I should get
collar and a leash so you can keep tabs on me.  Would that make you happy?"

    "Don't you dare try to make me the guilty one here.  You are the one who
lied to me."

    "Oh, I'm sorry your highness.  Would you like me to beg for your
forgiveness?"

    "Up yours," Jason yelled as he stormed away.

    "Not tonight, bitch," I replied slamming the bathroom door.

    I sat down on the toilet and put my hands on my head.  I had blown that
one big time.  I sat in the bathroom for over a half an hour before I
actually used the toilet.  When I finished washing up, I grabbed my backpack
and wrote a note for Mr. Rawlings telling him that I wouldn't be home until
late that night.  I may be fighting with Jason, but I didn't want Mr.
Rawlings to worry about me.  I jogged out to my car in the light rain and
hopped in.  I had done a lot of aimless driving lately.  I started the
engine and drove towards the University.  If I couldn't spend any time with
Jason, I might as well be at the University, doing research.

    The campus was fairly quiet as I walked towards the red brick
Engineering building where my lab was located.  I swiped my magnetic key in
the security door and walked in when the door buzzed.  I didn't see anyone
in the building as I walked the twisting hallways towards the Computer
Science wing.  I swiped my card again, and walked into the office I shared
with another Grad student.  After setting up my laptop, I put a CD into the
CD player and went to the vending machines to grab a pop and some chips for
supper.  As I listened to the CD, I kept thinking about what was going on
between Jason and I.  I tried to concentrate on the simulations that I was
running but it was no use.  Giving up on my research, I opened up my web
browser and started surfing.

    I kept surfing until I heard a knock on the office door.  I got up and
pulled open the door for the two campus police officers.  Once they were
sure that I was permitted to be in the building late, they left me alone.  I
took a look at the time on my Powerbook, and decided to call it a night.
Hopefully Jason and his dad would be asleep when I got home.  I didn't want
to deal with Jason tonight.

    I walked across the campus to the parking lot, humming to myself.  The
traffic was thin this late at night, and I made good time as I weaved my way
across the city.  When I pulled into the Rawlings' driveway, no lights were
burning.  The house was completely dark.  I hopped out of my car, and made
my way into the house that had become my home.  I entered my security code,
disabling the alarm and walked up the stairs to Jason's room.  I let my
backpack slide off my arm and tried to open the door.  To my surprise it was
locked.  I debated knocking on the door, but decided that I wasn't going to
do it.  If Jason didn't want me in his room, I wouldn't go there.

    I walked back downstairs and over to the family room.  I grabbed a
pillow out of the linen closet and threw it down on the couch.  I didn't
need a bed.  I could sleep down here.  Fuck Jason.

    I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep, but
it was a futile gesture.  I couldn't fall asleep.  I spent the night tossing
and turning.  When I heard Mr. Rawlings' alarm clock go off at 6 am, I
decided to get up and head to the University.  I had a spare set of clothes
in my office, and I could buy some shower stuff on the way.  I hoped that
Jason would get over my latest little lie by tonight, so that things could
get back to normal.  I grabbed my backpack, punched in my security code and
bailed before Jason and his dad came down for breakfast.

    I made a quick stop at the store and grabbed a small bottle of shampoo
and a bar of soap.  From there, I headed to the university pool to clean up.
  After that, I holed up in my office leaving only once to go to the
bathroom.  The work did me good.  It kept my mind off of Jason, and the
regret I felt in lying to him.  The lies were a necessary evil.  I knew
that, but I'm sure Jason wouldn't see them that way.

    It was just about 11 pm when I left the University for home.  I hadn't
planned on staying as long as I had, but a simulation was working out really
well for a change, so I wanted to run with it a while longer.  My stomach
rumbled as I drove down College Drive.  I decided to grab a burger and then
head home.  I hoped that Jason would be awake when I got home so we could
talk.  When I arrived at the Rawlings house, the lights were out again.  I
opened the front door and dropped my backpack at the foot of the stairs.  I
crept up the stairs as silently as possible.  If Jason was asleep, I didn't
want to wake him.  When I reached his door, I turned the handle to find that
it was locked again.  My heart dropped, and I turned around dejected.  Jason
didn't want to have anything to do with me again.

    I went back downstairs to the couch that had been my bed the night
before.  The pillow I had used the night before was still resting on the
cushion of the couch.  There was a note from Mr. Rawlings telling me that
there was some meatloaf in the fridge for me.  I crumpled the note up and
walked into the kitchen to throw it away.  There weren't any notes for me
from Jason, as I was desperately hoping.  I sighed and walked back to the
couch.  I fell into the big comfy couch and closed my eyes, trying to sleep.

    When I first lay down, I just couldn't sleep.  All I could think about
was Jason and how he'd rejected me.  I swore that I wouldn't approach him.
He'd have to come to me.  With this thought burnt into my mind, I finally
fell into a troubled sleep.

    I woke up early in the morning with a major crimp in my neck.  I rubbed
my neck and decided that I was going to leave and come back when Jason and
Mr. Rawlings were out to grab some clothes and some other things that I
would need.  I stretched my arms, and walked out of the family room.  I
rubbed my eyes and disabled the alarm.  Grabbing my backpack, I walked out
of the house and got into my car.  I went to the University and surfed the
net for almost four hours before I went back to the Rawlings' house.  There
weren't any cars in the driveway, and the house appeared quiet from the
outside.  I opened the door and walked upstairs to Jason's room.  The door
was open, and the room was empty.  I grabbed my duffel bag out of the closet
and began packing some essentials.  I figured three changes of clothes would
be enough.  If Jason didn't say anything to me by Friday, then I'd move out.
  I couldn't live in the same house as Jason if we weren't talking.

    After I had grabbed my stuff, I went back out to my car and drove back
to the university to grab a shower.  I spent the day working on finishing my
research.  The breakthrough that I had made the day before was going to
allow me to wrap up my research earlier than I anticipated.  I still had to
write the thesis and go over my results, but things were looking good.  I
wrapped up my work at about five, and decided to head home.  I was hoping
that Jason and I could talk things out, but I wasn't very optimistic.

    As I pulled into the driveway, I ran over what I was going to say to
Jason.  I got out of the car and walked to the heavy oak door.  The distance
from my car to the front of the house was no more than ten feet, but it
seemed like miles.  I looked down at my right hand and noticed that it was
trembling slightly.  I took a deep breath and opened the door.  The aroma of
Italian cooking wafted out the front door.  I smiled and walked into the
entryway and dropped my backpack.  Home.  This was home, at least for
another three days.  I walked down the hallway, into the kitchen.  Mr.
Rawlings was standing at the stove tasting some spaghetti sauce with a big
wooden spoon.

    "Hi, Mr. Rawlings.  Did you have a good day at work?"

    "Not bad.  How are you doing?  It's been a while since I saw you."

    "I'm okay.  Is Jason studying upstairs?"

    "Yeah, he's worried about his Algebra final.  So what's going on between
you two?  Jason hasn't said anything to me and I don't want to push him."

    "Ummm, well, it's hard to explain."

    "Okay, I'll leave it be."

    "Thanks.  So what's for supper tonight?"

    "Spaghetti with clam and tomato sauce."

    "Smells really good."

    "Have you been eating?"

    "Uh huh.  I've been eating okay.  Thanks for asking."

    Mr. Rawlings stirred the sauce one last time and then turned to face me.
  I was scarred to look him in the eyes.  His approval meant so much to me
now, and I didn't want to know if he was upset at me over Jason.  I kept
staring at the counter just beyond him.  To say I was surprised when Mr.
Rawlings reached out and gave me a hug is an understatement.  I figured he
might be ticked at me, but he didn't show it.  I looked him in the eyes and
smiled.  "Thanks."

    "You are quite welcome, Taylor.  Why don't you go get Jason?  Supper is
almost ready."

    "Umm, okay."

    I walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs to Jason's room.  His door
was shut, closing me off from his world.  I knocked on the door, and then
slowly pushed it open.  Jason's eyes came off his books as he heard the door
open.  They were red, and puffy, but when he saw me they hardened.  "What do
you want?"

    "It's supper time," I said quietly.  I turned away from the doorway and
moved to walk back downstairs.  I paused for a second.  I wanted to turn
back and apologize to Jason for everything I've done to him, whether real or
imagined.  But I couldn't do it.  I couldn't turn around and tell him
everything I needed, everything I wanted to tell him.  I heard Jason stand
up, so I walked down the stairs.

    Supper was a quiet affair.  Mr. Rawlings tried to get the two of us to
talk, but it was a futile effort.  Jason wouldn't say more than two words to
me and I wouldn't say more than two words to him.  When Mr. Rawlings
suggested renting movies, both Jason and I demurred citing schoolwork as our
excuse.  When Jason finished his spaghetti, he put his plate into the
dishwasher and went back to his room.  I sat at the table picking at the
last of my supper, chasing it around the plate with my fork, not actually
eating it.  I couldn't stay any longer.  I had to leave, at least for the
rest of the evening.  I stood up and cleaned off my plate, before putting it
in the dishwasher.  I was just about to leave when Mr. Rawlings stopped me
and told me that he'd make up one of the spare bedrooms for me, if I needed
it.  I just nodded, trying not to cry.  "Thanks," I said as I grabbed my
backpack.  "I'll try not to be too late."

    "Have a good night."

    "Yeah, you too."

    I walked out to my car, determined not to cry while Jason or his dad
could see me.  I needed to be strong.  I managed to hold back my tears until
I was out of the driveway and on my way to the university.  By the time I
parked my car, I was all cried out.  I knew that I had lost Jason.  On
Friday, I'd pack up my clothes and everything else I'd need.  The rest of my
stuff could stay at the Rawlings until it was needed.

    I collapsed into my chair and looked at my Powerbook, lying on my desk.
I booted up the computer and opened up my word processor.  Jason would never
be able to completely understand the agony of my situation, but I hoped that
I could write a letter or a note or something that could at least begin to
explain everything.  The lies, my dilemma--everything.

    I began pouring out my heart one letter at a time.  All the lies,
everything that I was hiding, everything I need hidden appeared in black and
white.  Nothing in gray.  I could see my past, present and future in the
note.

    It took a couple hours to write the note, and another couple more to
edit and rewrite.  I needed it to be as perfect as it could be.  I needed
Jason to understand in the end.

    It was at the stroke of midnight, that I finished my note.  I encrypted
it and left it in a folder of things for Jason.  It was done.  After
shutting down the computer, I stood up and walked out of my office.  It was
time for me to go to the Rawlings' house, and claim what little sleep I
could.

    I awoke the next morning at just a little after six, my mouth dry and my
bladder full.  I was in the spare room, sleeping alone again.  I walked to
the bathroom, and cleaned myself up enough so that I wouldn't look like a
freak on my way to the shower at the university.  I slipped into the clothes
that I wore the night before and, after making the bed, crept down the
stairs and out of the house.

    I spent the day sitting in Lower Place Riel, in the food court, watching
people scurry to and fro.  I tried to concentrate on my laptop, but it was
no use.  I didn't want to hide in my office.  I wanted to talk to someone,
anyone without the tension of my problems with Jason tainting the
conversation.

    Finally at a little after two, I packed my stuff up and walked over to
the Computer Science Students Association lounge and sat in front of the TV
and zoned out.  A couple of the younger students asked for some help with
their intersession final projects, and I was more than happy to help them.
Eventually though, I was alone once again.  I tried to smile as I walked out
the back door of the engineering building on my way to the car.  My last
chance to set things right with Jason would be tonight.  I was going to
spend the evening in the spare room, hoping that Jason would come to talk
with me.  I wanted to go and talk to him, but I knew that if he wouldn't
come to me then what we had was probably over.

    After a light supper with the Rawlings men that was utterly devoid of
conversation, I went up to my room and tried to do a little light reading.
I couldn't keep my attention on my book however.  I'd read a paragraph and
then my mind would wander, thinking about Jason and the good times we'd had.
  About the good times that were effectively over now.  A little after nine
o'clock, my eyes shut and remained closed for the night.  The next time I
had a conscious thought was when my alarm clock went off.

    I reached over and slammed my hand down on the abusive plastic device.
The alarm was silenced and I was awake.  Awake and alone.  I sat on the edge
of the bed.  I was still wearing the clothes I had worn the day before.  I
couldn't help it. I started to cry.  It was over.  Jason and I were no
longer a couple.  No longer lovers.  No longer friends.  Of all the things
that I realized I was losing, losing Jason as a friend hurt the most.  I
could've handled losing him as a lover, but he wouldn't even talk to me
anymore.  I had fucked everything up once again.

    I quickly gathered up my stuff in the spare room and tossed it into the
duffel bag.  I made the bed, grabbed my bag, and then with sadness in my
heart snuck out of the house.  I knew I'd be back once more today to gather
up the rest of my stuff that was still in Jason's room, but after
that--well, I doubted that I'd step foot in the Rawlings' house again.

    After a long shower in the swim centre on campus, I went to my office
and sat in front of my computer crying.  I must've cried for over two hours
before I finally ran out of tears.  When I finally managed to stop, I
started grading assignments that I had to return on Monday.  I had finished
grading the ones that had been handed in on time, the three that were on my
desk had been handed in late.  I showed no mercy to the students, giving
failing grades to the three.  I felt bad about it, but I didn't change the
marks.  I knew that they had failed on their own scholarly abilities, and
not my mood.

    When I had finished grading the assignments, I looked at the clock.  It
was time to go back to the Rawlings' house and pick up the rest of my stuff.
  I wrote another letter up on my computer and printed up a couple of
copies.  One copy I'd leave for Jason on his dresser, the other copy I'd
leave on the dining room table.  I shut down the computer and locked the
door to my office.

    The familiar drive didn't take long.  I pulled into the driveway, and
then, after unlocking the doors, walked into the empty house.  I walked into
the kitchen and left one copy of my note on the table and then slowly
trudged up the stairs.  I pushed open the door to Jason's room and struggled
to hold back my emotions.  We'd spent a lot of good times in here.  I put
those sentimental thoughts aside, placed the note on the dresser, and
started packing up my clothes and the few belongings that remained in
Jason's room.

    I had just finished putting the last of my things into one of my
suitcases, when I looked towards the door and saw Jason standing there.  He
was holding a white sheet of paper in his hands, and staring at me.  I
turned away and said, "Hello."  I couldn't bear to say anything else to him.

    "Why?"

    "Why what?"

    Jason walked into the room and stood in front of me.  "Why aren't we
worth fighting for?  Why are you so willing to throw our relationship away?"

    "It's for the best, Jason"

    "Bullshit."

    "Jason, I don't want to argue with you.  I only came here to pack up my
stuff."

    "Fine, finish and leave."

    I looked away from Jason and scanned the room.  It was hard holding back
my tears while I looked for anything that I might have forgotten.  There was
nothing of mine that remained in the room.  I hoisted my suitcases off the
bed and looked at Jason.  "Good bye," I said quietly.

    "Why do you keep lying to me?"  Jason demanded.  He grabbed my arm to
stop me from leaving.

    "I can't tell you, Jason.  Not now, anyway.  All I can tell you is that
it's for your own good."

    "Are you seeing someone else?"

    "What?" I asked in surprise as I turned around.

    "Are you seeing someone else?"

    "No, I couldn't do that too you."

    "But you can lie to me, so how do I know you aren't lying to me now."

    "You don't.  All I can tell you is that I'm not lying.  You want to know
the truth, Jason?  Keeping this secret from you hurts so bad, but I can't
tell you what the secret is, because it'll hurt you even more.  I love you
so much, Jason.  You're the only thing in my life that really matters
anymore.  I know you can never forgive me, and I doubt that I'll ever
forgive myself for hurting you," I said.  I was struggling very hard to hold
back my tears.

    "I love you too, Taylor," Jason said as he ran over to me.  "Please
don't leave."

    I wiped away Jason's tears, and looked him in the eyes.  I couldn't stay
unless Jason accepted that I had to keep this secret, and he could never do
that.  "I don't want to leave, Jason, but I have to.  If you can't trust me
then our relationship will remained strained and I don't want to do that to
you.  When I feel the time is right, I will tell you my secret, and then, if
you still want a relationship with me, we'll go from there."

    "But I trust you, Taylor," Jason protested as he clung to me tighter.
"Please, don't leave me."

    "Jason, I..." I started, but Jason interrupted me.

    "You said earlier that you didn't want to hurt me.  If you leave now,
with no explanation, you will have hurt me.  Not knowing why you broke up
with me will cause me enormous pain.  Taylor, if you want to break up with
me, just tell me that.  I can accept that.  If you really still love me, if
you really still want to be with me, then stay.  I won't pry into this
secret or anything else that you want or need to keep quiet."

    "Do you really mean that?"

    "I do."

    "I'm sorry, Jason.  I didn't mean to put you through so much," I said as
I hugged him tightly.

    "It's okay," he said between sobs of joy.  "I'm just glad that I still
have you.  When you finally do tell me what the secret is, if it's not a
good secret, I'm gonna give you a spanking like you wouldn't believe."

    I smiled and Jason giggled.  "Mmmm, is that a promise or a threat?"

    "A little of both actually," Jason smiled shyly at me and wiped his
eyes.  "Did you have anything planned for this afternoon?"

    "No, why?"

    "I've been having problems sleeping without you beside me.  I was kinda
hoping you'd just hold me while I slept a little before supper."

    "Your wish is my command, baby."

    Jason and I both stripped down and crawled beneath the sheets.  He
curled up next to me, resting his head on my chest.  It didn't take him long
to fall asleep, and I quickly followed him into dreamland.

    Later that night, after Jason had finished studying, we made love for
the first time in over a week.  All those stories about make up sex being
the best aren't stories.  The sex was phenomenal, but the cost was too high.

    I continued working at the University, and left Jason to his studying.
He was very optimistic about his performance on his finals as he finished
off class after class.  Jason was also very excited about the Prom, and
being able to show me off to his classmates, especially the ones that had
harassed him.  I was just anxious about my secret catching up with me.  I
needed just one more week and then I wouldn't have any more worries.  One
more week and I could let my secret come out.  One more week and I wouldn't
have to hide anything.

Continued.