Date: Sun, 6 Jun 2010 20:30:41 -0400 (EDT)
From: hardreader2000@aol.com
Subject: Jess' Story, Chapter 9

Jess' Story
Chapter 9
From Jess' viewpoint

I found myself thinking about Paul repeatedly that evening after he called
to invite me to lunch. Something had attracted me to him since I first saw
that picture of him in Anne's dorm room. He looked so hot. Stripped to the
waist. I had jerked off staring at that picture and I couldn't get him or
that special feeling out of my head ever since.

I have to say there was more to it than that. More than just a great
cum. But it was a great cum, even with Anne right there. Both times I'd
seen him -- crossing the street in front of Anne's dorm and at lunch the
next day -- there seemed to be this kind of vibe I got from him. Hard to
explain, but it felt good.

What didn't make any sense was that he was dating Anne. So probably I was
only imagining that there was something happening between us. He just
wanted to be friends. He probably didn't even know how tuned into him I
was. Friends? What the hell, I could use another friend.

To be honest about this stuff, I should tell you that I jerked off thinking
of him again that night after he called. I felt kind of stupid getting so
fixed on this guy. I had hardly even met or seen him more just
briefly. He'd only asked if we could have lunch cuz he didn't have any
friends on campus. I was acting like a stupid high school freshman with a
crush.

By the time we met for lunch on Tuesday, I'd jerked off thinking of him two
more times. The call from him had somehow pushed all my negative thoughts
about Anne from my head and refilled it with fantasies of this guy.

I hadn't had feelings like this for anyone since Tolley my freshman
year. To be honest, when I was jerking off picturing Paul, I was also
remembering Tolley a little. It was like a cautionary tale. It was a
warning to me: Don't get too into this guy. It's easy to get hurt.

I'd certainly gotten hurt by Tolley and trying to move things too fast. At
least too fast for him. I knew I was getting myself all worked up over
Paul. Fucking horny is what I was. And I was pretty sure there wasn't a
chance he was gay or even bi.

As I waited for it to be time for my lunch with Paul, the hours and minutes
and seconds crept by. As they did, I'd decided a couple of things I would
and wouldn't do: I'd be honest and up front that I was sexually
"undeclared." I hoped he would tell me if he was bi or straight or
whatever. But if he didn't I wouldn't ask or pry. No matter what he said, I
would not come on to him. Not right away. I'd make it clear I wanted to be
friends. If he wanted more, he'd have to make the first move, at least for
now. Let him set the pace. I'd have to be content to follow his lead. But
above all, I'd do my best to be honest with him. As honest as a friend
could be.

Honesty and friendship. It was like my new mantra. I found myself repeating
it over and over in my head. "Honesty and friendship."

It made sense to me, but I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I was too
worked up over this guy for anything to be easy. I needed to relax and calm
down. That's why I'd whacked off twice. I thought it might curb my need. It
usually worked that way for me.

I was more than 20 minutes early to meet Paul for lunch. That pretty much
says it all. The good news, at least in my mind, was that he was almost 15
minutes early. We both made an excuse for why we were so early. I think his
was about as lame as mine.

We got our food and then both sat there just looking at each other
silently. Both of us awkwardly waiting for the other to speak first. I was
trying to figure out if he was giving off that same vibe he had the first
two times I saw him. Or if my gaydar was picking up anything. I'd pretty
much decided neither was in play when . . .

"So I guess you have a lot of friends." After making that odd opening
comment, Paul quickly looked down at his food and started toying with a
grape in his fruit cup. I didn't really know what to say. I saw Paul look
up at me over his food. He had a hopeful look in his eyes. That look sent a
vibe I liked!

"I guess I know a lot of people. Not all of them are really friends," I
said. Wondering where he was going with this opening.

Silence descended on us again until I finally broke it. "So I guess one of
my friends must have given you my number. Why not just ask Anne?" I guess
maybe that came out a little harsh, cuz Paul blushed and looked really
uncomfortable. For a second I thought maybe I'd screwed up and he was just
gonna take his lunch and leave. So I added, "I was really glad that you
called. I think I could use a new friend."

I could see the relief in Paul's face. His whole body suddenly relaxed and
he smiled. That made me smile and it hit me hard how important it was to me
to make this guy, a guy I didn't even really know, happy.

"Well, I actually got your number from Anne's cell. It's just that she
doesn't know," Paul said cautiously, like he was testing to see how I'd
react to that bit of information.

"She doesn't know you got my number from her cell . . . Or she doesn't know
about you asking me to lunch?"

"Both. I know she's pretty upset with you. She didn't say why, but she said
something like you'd gone too far. I doubt she'll be pissed for too long. I
think she sort of has a crush on you." Paul said. Again I could see he had
that kind of uncertainty as to how I might react. I just played it cool.

"Well, I don't know if she's upset or not," I lied, "but we had a little
disagreement the other day. I think it'll blow over. You think she's got a
crush on me? I never would have guessed that." I wanted to move away from
my problem with Anne as fast as I could. I didn't want this conversation
going there. If I was gonna be honest with Paul, I didn't want to do it
discussing why Anne was so mad at me.

Honesty and friendship.

Paul went on talking about Anne. Asking how I came to know her. Telling me
how he had come to know her. It turned out he didn't even really remember
her from high school. She saw him on campus and asked him out and kept
calling him. Since he didn't have any friends at our school, he'd said
OK. "She's a nice girl and all, but . . ." He paused and shrugged and
thrust out his lower lip in a way that seemed to dismiss her
importance. Thank god, at last maybe we could start talking about something
else.

Lately Paul had met a few guys who played touch football on Sunday
afternoons. But even after a month of joining them, he still felt like an
outsider around them.

We talked about classes and majors and bars and stuff like that. It was
easy talking to him and I liked finding out about him and what he was
into. I got the feeling that we really could become friends. In some ways
being there with him just talking reminded me of killing time with Billy. I
liked it.

There was a little pause as we both started eating again and then he asked,
"So are you dating anyone?"

I knew what he really meant was "Are you gay, or bi or what?" I had sort of
anticipated that question, or at least letting him know. But when I was
confronted with answering it, I started to stammer.

"It's summer, you know, not a lot of . . . you know, people around," I said
not looking him in the eyes. "Usually I go out most every weekend, but I
don't usually date really. I just go with what's going on." Even I didn't
know what that meant.

"Yeah, me too. I'm not really into dating," he said and gave me another one
of his wicked ass smiles. It left me staring at him and thinking how much I
could really get into this guy. It also reminded me how important it was to
stick with my game plan. Honesty and friendship.

I guess I was ready to tell him I was "undeclared" or whatever, which is
pretty much what I meant to do. But then I got to wondering. Had he just
tried to tell me he was . . . What had he told me? Or was I reading too
much into that one question?

My stomach went tight.

The conversation had come to a halt all of a sudden. We were both just
sitting there looking at each other. He was giving me his smile. I felt
like a dog in heat, but my stomach was so knotted up I was about ready to
barf.

I had told myself I'd be honest with him, so I blurted out, "I take it
where I can get it."

Paul looked stunned at first. Like maybe I'd hit him in the nuts or
something. Then he nodded like he understood, but I felt compelled to
explain, "Sexually, that is."

There, I'd said it. But for some reason I couldn't just leave it at
that. "It doesn't matter to me so much if it's boys or girls." I stared
into his eyes to see his reaction.

Paul was leaning back in his seat with the biggest smile I'd seen from him,
which at that point was saying a lot. And he kept smiling that wicked-ass
smile at me. My answer seemed to make him too happy. I didn't get it.

At last he sort of nodded like we'd come to some sort of agreement and
said, "Yeah, me too, I guess."

I didn't know what to say. Was he telling me that he . . .?

There was an awkward pause. I think maybe we had both caught each other by
surprise. We stared at each other. He was smiling. His big smile. A real
smile. I wanted to feel the way he felt. But instead my smile was an
attempt to cover-up the wild churning in my guts.

"So I gotta go. I told this kid I'd come look at his car," Paul said kind
of sudden like, making like he was getting ready to check out.

I didn't want him to go. I thought we were about to really start talking to
each other. About stuff that really mattered. At least to me. But also I
was afraid that if we kept talking, this could be like Tolley and me all
over and maybe I'd never see him again.

Honesty and friendship. Honesty and friendship.

I needed to keep him there. I needed to keep him engaged.

I was grasping at straws or whatever. I asked, "So you work on cars? You a
good mechanic?"

"No, I hardly know anything about cars, but I'm trying to buy one," he
said, settling back into his seat as he answered. "I called this kid who
has to sell his car. He lives not too far from here. Do you want to come
with me? I could use a little help. I really don't know anything about
buying cars."

Why did every second of every minute with Paul seem so important? Should I
go with him? Should I . . .

Honesty and friendship.

"I don't know a thing about cars either, but if you want a little company
while you look, I can join you."

He smiled. I smiled back. We each paid for our own lunch. This could
work. I just needed to relax. This could really work.

To Be Continued . . .

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The characters in this project are real. The names and some
other identifying information in this story have been changed to conceal
the identities of the characters described. The Copyright for this story is
held by HardReader. The story may not be reprinted or distributed elsewhere
in print, electronically or digitally without the permission of the author.
I would love to receive comments on this story from readers. Email me at
hardreader2000@aol.com

While you're waiting for the next episode, I hope you'll stay happy. And
stay hard! -- H.R.