Date: Mon, 6 Mar 2006 11:52:32 -0800 (PST)
From: Tiffani Chin <eliteecrew@verizon.net>
Subject: Jumping over my Mountain, Chapter 4

Disclaimer: This story is copy right protected. Please do not post it on
any other website. If you are not 18 or male on male action offends you, do
not continue further. Email me, EliteECrew@verizon.net for any kind of
feedback.

Hey guys! Sorry for the slight delay in the posting but I don't like to
post something until I have another chapter written or at least a plot
outline. However, expect lots more because as of this Friday I am on my
spring break and I plan on writing nonstop. So I hope you enjoy this
chapter.  Peace.


Jumping over my Mountain: Chapter 4


Helaku's point of view

***

I sighed contently as I rolled off of Crew to catch my breath. Heavy make
out sessions, not just sex, always exhausted me. I guess Crew just drained
all the energy out of me, but in a purely positive way.

Things were going great with Crew; we had been seeing each other steadily
for the past two months. Not as often as I would have liked, but Crew was
back into the spring semester of his second year of school and working
pretty much full time, so I took whatever time with him that I could. That
included late dinners, fast lunches, a breakfast drop off and a quick kiss,
or even just watching him study or do his homework. Who knew watching the
man you love typing a history paper could be so fascinating?

Now I loved Crew, although I never dared mention it to him, because in
truth I was terrified he wouldn't say it back. In all honesty, as great as
things were on the surface with Crew, there was something nagging in the
back of my mind.

I constantly felt like Crew was holding something back; keeping me away
from a part of him; his past. It seemed like everyone else knew, like
Storm, Skyler, and Zeke, but I was left out in the dark. Normally, it never
bothered me too much, but sometimes when we headed in that direction,
things became tense between us, and quite frankly, I didn't care too much
for walking on eggshells, if you get my drift.

I decided to bring it up that night. Well shit on a stick, big mistake.

"Crew?" I said hesitantly.

"Hmm?" his voice laced with sleep.

"I wanted to know^ÅI was just curious about^Åyour family?" I said,
cringing, as if bracing for some kind of physical blows to come barreling
at me.

Without touching or even looking at Crew, I knew he was tense and preparing
for an argument.

I rushed ahead. "I just want to get to know you better Crew. I want to be
trusted and I want you to let me in."

Crew didn't say anything.

"I mean I feel like there's something about you that everyone else knows
that I don't. You know everything about me-"

"This is different," Crew cut off quietly.

"Why?" I demanded.

"Because this is really hard for me and it's not just something where you
came out to your parents and they didn't react well or something. This is
deeper than that and it's hard for me to talk about^ÅI just don't like
thinking or talking about it, ok?"

"But why can't you talk about it with me? Don't you want to share it with
me?"

Crew stayed silent.

"How come you told Skyler and Storm right away, and Zeke-"

Crew cut me off, somewhat angrily. "Hey! That's different! Zeke and I go
way back, he was there when it all happened and stayed with me when I
really had no one else. And as for Storm and Skyler, their mother helped me
so much; she took me in and helped me do everything^Åwithout her^Åwithout
them I would have been, I don't know, my life would have been
over^Åand^Åthey're my family."

"So what am I to you? Nothing? I guess I'm not good enough to tell," I said
childishly.

Crew looked at me in amazement. "Are you kidding me? This isn't about you."

I shook my head. "No, it's never about me. It's always about you. Everyone,
especially me, always caters to you and you just take advantage of them."

"How am I taking advantage of you?" Crew demanded.

"Because I'm there for you all the fucking time and in return you give me
nothing. You don't let me in or talk about what's really bothering you. I
want to help."

"I don't need your help. I'm fine," Crew insisted stubbornly.

I sighed. "I care about you Crew. That's the only reason why I brought this
up."

"If you really cared about me, you would let this drop and let me talk when
I'm ready," Crew said.

"When will you be ready? Actually, will you ever be ready to talk to me?" I
asked, unable to stop myself.

"Hey, I told you I wasn't ready for anything. I warned you beforehand that
I had issues and needed to work stuff out, but I was willing to take a
chance and be with you. And now you're rushing me?" Crew asked in a shrill
voice.

"We've been together for practically four months Crew! I'm not a bad guy
for wanting to know you!" I said my voice getting higher.

"Well, I don't like to be pressured, so stop!" Crew finally yelled.

I looked at him and he was breathing hard, his nostrils flaring, looking at
the bed, avoiding my probing stare.

"Look," I began. "A relationship goes two ways. I let you in and I need you
to let me in and allow me to be there for you^Å"

"Well, maybe we shouldn't be in a relationship anymore."

Crew's words were like a punch to my stomach. All of sudden I felt like
vomiting and my stomach felt queasy.

"What?" I gasped faintly, praying I hadn't heard right.

"I need space. We need to take a break," Crew said jumping out of bed,
pulling his shirt back on. I watched him; it seemed like he was moving in
slow motion or that I was a third party watching the scene unfold in front
of me.

As he walked closer to the door, I came to my senses and leapt out of bed,
reaching him before he got to the door.

"Wait, you don't mean that," I said desperately.

"Yeah, I do," Crew said quietly, not turning around. "I need to think
things through." He started to open the door, but I grabbed his arm.

"Listen, I'm sorry I brought it up. I just needed to tell you how I was
feeling, it had been bothering me. But I'm not forcing you to tell me
anything you don't want to."

"I have to go," Crew said as if he didn't hear me.

"Crew, please. Please don't do this. Don't do this to us," I pleaded, still
holding onto his arm.

"Helaku, let go of me," he said in a firm tone I barely recognized.

My fingers slowly unwrapped and I watched helplessly as he walked out of my
life.

*** "Dude open up!" A fist pounding on the door.

I groaned and pulled the pillow over my head and tried to will the person
to go away.

"Hela, it's Storm. Come on man, open up!" More pounding on the door.

"Hela, open the door!" Storm yelled this time. "I know you're in
there. Your car is outside and it hasn't moved for the whole week!"

"Go away. I don't feel like talking!" I hollered back.

"Hela, talking will help. Now come on and open the door for me. My hand is
beginning to hurt."

"Leave me alone!" I shouted back, flopping onto my bed.

Silence.

"Good, leave me alone," I muttered turning over in bed.

"Hey dude."

I jumped a foot in the air.

"Holy shit! How did you get in here?" I demanded annoyed at the unwanted
intrusion.

Storm shrugged. "I picked the lock."

"What?!?"

"It's no big deal. It was pretty easy. I don't think I ever told you about
that time Skyler-"

I held up my hand. I was not in the mood to hear about the delinquent acts
Skyler and Storm engaged in when they were younger.

I think Skyler called it youthful experimentation.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to see how you were doing," Storm said calmly.

"Well, as you can see," I waved my arms over myself, "I am just peachy. So
if you can kindly show yourself out" I grunted when I felt Storm's weight
on my bed.

"What the fuck, man, can't you take a hint?" I asked my annoyance growing.

"Listen, I know something's wrong. You're never this moody, I haven't seen
you in an entire week, your car hasn't left the house, and I bet it has
something to do with Crew."

I pulled the covers back up over my head.

"And do you know how I know it has something to do with Crew?" Storm asked.

I didn't answer. I'm sure Storm was going to tell me.

Good ol' Storm. Not one to disappoint.

"Because Crew was really out of it when we went to work this weekend. After
the lessons were done we took a run down the mountain and Crew's head must
not have been in the game because he totally crashed into another
snowboarder and then another time he just flat out fell. Then when Skyler
asked him what was wrong, he snapped, which he never does."

I closed my eyes.

"So, I put two and two together, because I am so utterly brilliant and know
something happened with you guys. So I want to help and I need one of you
to talk," Storm said.

"Why me? Little Crew won't talk? So you come to me? How come no one ever
pressures him to say anything? Why does everyone treat him like a piece of
glass?" I asked.

Storm yanked the covers off my head. "Where did that come from?" he asked
curiously.

I sat up and faced Storm. "Look, I understand that Crew has history that he
doesn't want to share, but I really care about him and I want to know him
on a deeper level, but I can't if he keeps shutting me out."

"Is this about his family?" Storm asked.

"Yes! Everyone knows but me," I stated throwing my hands into the air.

"Well, we've known Crew longer and our Mom has been there for him, he's
like our brother. And besides this isn't really about you-"

"Shit," I cursed. "That's exactly what he said."

"Listen, you should talk to-"

"I'm not talking to him," I said folding my arms. "He's the one that wanted
a break, some time to think, so he should be the one to talk to me. I'm not
some dog that has to keep begging him."

Storm sighed. "Listen, he's just as broken about this as you are. You
should see him. It's terrible to watch."

I envisioned Crew walking around with his head down, looking like a lost
puppy, and my chest tightened. I hated it when Crew felt badly. He was too
good a person and didn't deserve to be hurt. But I was hurt too. I didn't
know what to do.

"Storm, I really need to be alone right now," I whispered.

Storm eyed me carefully. "Okay, but first you need to shower and then
eat. You kind of stink and you look haggard and thinner. Come on," he said
standing up and he held out his hand to me.

I took it and let him lift me off the bed.

"Thanks Storm."

"Don't mention it."

*** I felt a warm leg pressed again my own and I turned over and nestled
into the body.

"Crew," I mumbled sleepily. I sighed happily when I felt his body against
mine.

My eyes popped open.

Wait a fucking minute.

Then I shot up so fast the room spun and I felt like my head was about to
lop off my neck.

"Oh fuck," I cursed as I held my held trying to stop the spinning.

I felt stirring beside me and I dared to look over, afraid of what I might
see, but expecting it at the same time. My fears were confirmed.

I saw a tan leg sticking out from under the covers and a naked tan torso
uncovered by the comforter. My eyes traveled up and saw an attractive dark
haired man still sleeping. Then it came back to me.

The night before I had went to a gay bar, the Colosseum in Sayerville and
had spent the night drinking my sorrows away, except that my sorrows never
left me.

Instead, this dark haired guy, whose name I couldn't fathom even if I
tried, had approached me.

"Hey there, are you ok?" he asked in a concerned tone.

I barely spared him a glance and threw my head back, emptying the liquid
into my mouth. "I'm fine."

"You don't look fine," he said.

"Well, I'm having a bad week," I said staring at my glass intently.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," I answered rudely.

"Are you sure? I find that talking really helps?"

"Listen I said I don't want to talk about it, ok? I want to be alone, so
can you just back off?" I snapped.

The man stared at me not saying anything and I was so annoyed at this point
that I just turned back to the bar and stared straight ahead.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw him take a seat beside me. I rolled my
eyes and took another sip of my drink. I noticed he was still staring at
me.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" I demanded.

"You're really attractive. You have the most unique features-"

"Are you seriously hitting on me?" I asked incredulously.

"Not exactly. I'm just commenting on your very nice features," he answered
smiling flirtatiously.

I snorted, threw down some money and prepared to leave. "Well I have a
boyfriend, so leave me alone," I said walking off.

He grabbed my arm and I glared at him before he released it.

"Ok, how about I buy you another drink then?" he offered. "Just a friendly
gesture since you seem really down. Maybe you can tell me about that
boyfriend of yours. I bet that's part of the reason your handsome face
looks so down. Come on, no strings attached, ok?"

I glanced at him and nodded. "Fine."

Then all I remembered next was drinking loads more alcohol, spilling my
guts about Crew, some stupid jokes, and laughter, and somehow we had ended
up back at my place.

I felt a hand on my thigh and I looked over. He was awake.

Sonofabitch! Why does this happen to me???

"Hey," he said.

"Hi^Å" I hesitated.

"Brandon," he filled in.

I nodded. "Right. Brandon, look, last night^Å"

"Was amazing," Brandon interrupted squeezing my thigh. I grabbed his hand
and placed it back onto the bed.

"Look, last night," I started again, "I was drunk, confused, and I don't
really remember how this happened, I mean I have a^Å"

"I know, you have a boyfriend, but he dumped you," Brandon said.

"He didn't dump me, he just needed a break, some time," I insisted.

"Whatever, I'm just repeating some of the garble you were spewing last
night," he said.

"I was drunk and you bought me more drinks, probably with the intention of
getting me in bed. No strings attached my ass! Then later when I told you
about Crew, you knew I had a boyfriend. You took advantage of me!" I
accused.

"I didn't take advantage of you, ok? At no point last night did you say no
or push me away and I certainly didn't force you to fuck me, so stop being
a crybaby, ok? Last night was good, you wanted it, saying how you didn't
feel loved because your boyfriend didn't include you in things. Let's just
leave it at that," Brandon said.

"I think you should leave," I said pulling the covers tighter around my
naked body.

"Fine, if that's what you want. But if that boyfriend of yours never comes
to his senses, give me a call. You're very good in bed," he said standing
up. I kept my eyes pointed towards my lap and heard him go into the
bathroom.

I felt like shit. I felt like crying. I felt sick. I felt
thirsty. Water. Water sounded like heaven right about now. I needed some
water.

I put on some gym shorts and headed to the kitchen and drank a bottle of
water so fast it would have appeared to a bystander that I had just
finished hiking in the Gobi Desert or something. I popped some Advil and
walked back to my room to sleep this headache and guilt off.

I passed by Crew on the way.

CREW!

I did a double take and stumbled back. "Crew," I said in an awed tone.

Crew shuffled his feet as he stood near the door. "I knocked, but no one
answered and the door wasn't locked, so in just let myself in. I hope you
don't mind."

"What are you doing here?" I asked, happy to see him.

Crew stepped closer to me timidly. "I did a lot of thinking over the past
week, and I realized you were right. I really care about you too, and I
want you to know me completely, so I'm ready to-"

The toilet flushed. Crew looked in the direction of the bathroom and then
back at me frowning.  "Is someone here?"

I felt my stomach drop. Brandon. FUCK!

Brandon waltzed out wearing only his boxers and was in the process of
pulling on his jeans, his shirt hanging around his neck.

Crew stared at him wide-eyed, his mouth hanging open slightly, taking in
Brandon's disheveled appearance and obvious lack of clothing. He turned to
me, the hurt spreading quickly over his face as he came to the conclusion
that I had slept with this guy. That I had cheated on him.

"You must be Crew," Brandon said obnoxiously. "You're the ex-boyfriend I
had to hear about all night long." The way he said `all night long' made
the color drain out of Crew's face. I felt like smashing Brandon's face in.

"Ex-boyfriend. You told him I was your ex?" Crew asked in a small voice.

Brandon snorted in disgust, adjusting his shirt on his torso. "You're cute,
I'll give you that," he said laughing.

"Shut the fuck up!" I snapped angrily. The sound of my voice must have
shook Crew out of his stupor because he just spun around and walked back
out the door.

I immediately ran out after him and turned the corner quickly, hoping to
catch him before he got to the entrance of the building. I didn't have to
wait long, because as I passed the twin's apartment, I saw the door was
open with a worried looking Storm behind it, and a blond blur had rushed
past him.

Storm looked at me stunned and I pushed my way inside as well.

"Get him away from me!" Crew screeched to Storm who was a little slow on
processing what was going on.

I noticed Skyler sitting on the couch, with a brownie hanging half way out
of his mouth and a can of soda in his hand as he stared at the both of us,
not quite understanding what was going either.

"Crew, please, listen to me. I can explain, I swear," I said reaching for
his arm, which he wrenched away before I got even close.

"Stay away from me! Don't touch me! I never want to see you again!" Crew
shouted his face red, tears spilling angrily down his cheeks.

"Crew,"

"What's going on?" Storm asked loudly over our voices.

"He cheated on me!" Crew screamed pushing me away as I tried to get closer
to him.

"What?" Storm asked confused.

"I just saw him with some guy. He cheated on me!" Crew repeated, almost
hysterical at this point.

I heard a thud and looked over and saw that soda was spilling onto the
wooden floor with the can rolling around nearby. I looked up and saw that
Skyler had put himself between us, standing directly in front of Crew and
for once he did not look happy.

"Get out," Skyler said firmly.

I tried to go around Skyler to get to Crew, but Skyler blocked my
path. "Move," I said through clenched teeth.

"Leave," he said firmly again.

I lost it. I shoved Skyler who stumbled slightly into Crew, but managed to
stay on his feet. He was gearing up to charge at me in retaliation, but
Storm forced his way between us, using a lot of effort to hold his
explosive twin back.

"You fucker!" Skyler was screaming now too. "Get the fuck out of OUR
apartment!"

"Skyler calm the fuck down!!!" Storm shouted at his brother. When he
whipped back around to face me he said in a much softer voce, "It would be
best if you left. Everything is crazy right now and you're making it
worse," Storm said quietly to me. I hung my head.

"Crew, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I messed up," I said sadly.

"One week! We were only apart for one week. How could you do this to me?"
Crew screamed.

"Get out!" Skyler was still shouting. "I never liked you that much fucker!
Pushing me in my own home. Get the fuck out!" he shouted again when I
remained rooted to the floor.

"I hate you." Crew said.

Those words stopped me dead in my tracks.

The room became oddly silent, and I wasn't sure if it was just me or what,
but all I could hear were those three words echoing.

Those three words that literally tore apart my heart.

I looked at Crew. I now realized that Skyler was still very much yelling at
me, but I didn't hear a word he said. All my attention was focused on Crew.

He was still standing behind Skyler but his face was visible to me. He
looked oddly calm even if his face was wet with tears and his eyes were
swollen. His jaw was set, his lips formed a flat line, and his normally
bright blue eyes were dark and narrowed with anger.

"I hate you," he repeated in a low monotone. I preferred him yelling; at
least he had some emotion. The finality of his tone sounded downright
scary.

"You don't mean that," I whispered, feeling like someone had stabbed me.

"I hate you!" he said again, a little louder. I clenched my eyes shut and
cringed.

"Come on, you have to leave ok?" Storm said putting his arm around me and
leading me to the door.

Once we made it to the door, I glanced up at Storm and noticed his brown
eyes looked sad. "I'm sorry," I said to him. I just felt the need to
apologize to everyone.

"I'll try to work it out. But you need to go," Storm said, his voice
quiet. He looked at me again and instead of sadness there was
disappointment. And then he closed the door in my face. I could hear
through the door that Storm was trying to calm his brother down but didn't
seem to be having much luck.

I made it back to my apartment walking slowly. My feet felt like lead. I
walked back inside and noticed a note on the floor. I picked it up and
read,

Call me if you never need a night to unwind from that uptight "ex" of
yours. 732-654-2689.  Brandon.

I crumpled up the note and threw it at the wall angrily. I was angry at
Brandon, I was angry at the twins, but most of all I was angry with myself
for getting myself into this situation. I really had no one to blame but
myself and the chances of Crew ever forgiving me were rare and the odds of
us getting past this and getting back together were even slimmer.

One night and I had ruined the rest of my life.

His words kept running through my head and I couldn't block it out no
matter how hard I tried.

"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you."

I ran to the bathroom and threw up the contents of last night's alcohol
pity party.

I rested my head on the toilet seat and just sobbed; sobs so gut wrenching
that they hurt my stomach and the pain radiated throughout my chest.

Crew and I were over.

***

About a week had passed and I observed that the twins were on some kind of
Spring Break because I saw them pack their bags and their mother had driven
them somewhere. I still wasn't on speaking terms with Storm or Skyler. I
wasn't mad at Storm and I don't think he was made at me exactly; but I just
couldn't stand the look of disappointment he had given me. It was like I
had screwed up. I was supposed to take good care of Crew, but I had failed
and now he was ashamed of me.

Skyler on the other hand was just downright pissed at me and I didn't even
know how or want to approach him. He was usually such a carefree, relaxed,
easy going guy, but I was on his bad side now and I didn't think that side
was a trip to the Bahamas. I kept my distance.

If the twins were on spring break and were heading out somewhere, I assumed
Crew was more or less on break too. Even if he went to community college, I
heard their breaks were pretty well timed together. I wanted so badly to
call or stop by, but if I was afraid of the twin's reaction, I was even
more terrified of Crew's reaction. His proclamations of hate for me really
shook me and I was afraid to hear him say it all over again. I didn't know
how much more I could take of that. I'd rather have someone beat me
physically until I passed out or better yet, died. Having Crew's beautiful
blue eyes filled with hate and directed at me was absolute torture.

There was a soft knock at the door and I was surprised. Who could that be?
The twins had left this afternoon and I highly doubted that Crew would come
to see me.

I opened the door out of curiosity and all I saw was a fist aimed at my
face before I collapsed to the ground in pain. My eyes were tearing and my
nose was gushing blood freely. I wiped some of the blood up with my hand
and through my tear filled eyes I glanced at the person standing above me.

For a second I thought it was Crew and I was shocked that Crew would hit
me. He wasn't a violent person. He must hate me that much, in order to hit
me.

But it turned out not to be Crew.

The only person who could pass for a Crew look alike and have that flash of
silver on his face was Zeke.

And it was Zeke who gripped my collar and yanked me to my feet. I had zero
strength these days. After not eating solid foods for the most part of two
weeks, I had dropped a good twelve pounds and my head was still spinning
from the good punch he caught me by surprise with.

"You fucker!" he yelled through clenched teeth, his face flushed with
anger. His voice sounded remarkably like Crew's and although I would have
liked hearing Crew's voice, I didn't care for what that voice was saying to
me. I flinched.

"You piece of shit. I can't believe you cheated on him. How could you do
this to him? Do you have any idea what he's been through? And you have the
nerve to pull this shit?" Zeke spat at me.

"You don't deserve him. Crew is too good for you. He's better off without
you," Zeke snarled shoving me against the wall with such force, my head
snapped back and hit it with a loud bang.

"I want you to stay away from Crew from now on, you hear me? If I find out
you were anywhere near him, or have tried to talk to him, I swear to God,
I'll fucking kill you," and with that he walked out, slamming the door
behind him.

I slid down the wall, watching the blood dripping onto my pants. I cradled
my head in my hands.

How had things fallen apart so quickly? I closed my eyes and did the only
thing that I could at this point.

I cried.

***

Crew's point of view


"Hey where've you been?" I called out when I heard Zeke stepping back
inside my house. He had come over and we had talked a little bit and when I
went to the bathroom, he had disappeared somewhere.

"I was just getting some comfort food for you," Zeke said smiling, although
it appeared to be forced.

"Are you ok?" I asked. Usually Zeke was much more happy go lucky.

Zeke smiled. "I should be the one asking you that."

I sighed. "I know. This is what I get for trying to have a
relationship. You know what this means don't you?" I asked looking at
Zeke. He shook his head. "This means that I'm destined to be alone forever
and die alone. So, buddy, Zeke, my amigo, as soon as you go I'm gonna off
myself and then we can create havoc in hell. We can even get an apartment
down there."

Zeke came up to me and squeezed my shoulders. "As touching as that sounds I
would never want you to kill yourself. And besides just because you had one
bad relationship, it doesn't mean they're all gonna turn out bad. Look at
it this way," he said turning to face me. "This is an experience, a bad
one, I admit, but still an experience. So now when people get together and
tell cheating stories, you can say, hey, I got one too!"

I laughed. Leave it to Zeke to find the silver lining in cheating and
somehow manage to make me laugh.

"So what kind of stuff did you get me?" I asked.

Zeke grabbed the two grocery bags and spilled its content onto my kitchen
table. There was some milk, chocolate syrup, chocolate chips, a carton of
chocolate and mint chip ice cream, some chocolate cake, cheetos, popcorn,
soda, and mixed in with all this stuff was two Styrofoam containers.

"What are in those?" I asked curiously.

Zeke opened them to reveal IHOP takeout; my international passport, bacon
cheeseburger, mozzarella sticks, onion rings, and chicken fingers.

"Wow, you really went all out, didn't you?" I asked feeling touched.

"Yeah, well when you've been: cheated on, dumped, failed something, or hit
someone with a car you have to eat the stress away."

I stared at him. "Dear god, please tell me you've never hit someone with a
car before?"

Zeke shrugged. "I was going like fifteen miles an hour and the person kind
of popped out of nowhere and flopped onto my hood. There was no harm done."

I gasped.

"You know, tonight is not about me, it's about you, so milkshake?" he asked
smiling, smoothly changing the subject. I'd have to ask for the details on
that later.

"Sure," I said. Zeke grabbed the milk shake maker and sat on the table
scooping up huge spoonfuls of mint and chocolate ice cream.

"Do you want to do anything special for spring break?" Zeke asked adding
some milk.

"No," I said sighing heavily. "I'm just going to wallow in self pity and I
guess get fat," I said gesturing to all the food.

"First of all, you won't get fat. We don't get fat. So let's eat away." I
smiled, that phrase sounded like something Skyler would have said. "Second
of all," Zeke continued, "you are not allowed to wallow. I totally
understand needing to talk and not wanting to do anything, but once you get
out and do something to take your mind off of what happened, you can get
better that much faster."

"What did you have in mind?"

Zeke smiled. "Ok, I haven't thought that far ahead yet, but we have to do
something!"

"I do have work," I reminded him.

"Oh yeah, I forgot for a second I was talking to a 35 year old who works
full time. My bad," Zeke said rolling his eyes. "I hate you," he said
jokingly.

"Wait, can I snowboard for free?" he asked suddenly.

I nodded.

"I love you."

"Gee, thanks. Now I know why you're really friends with me," I said.

"Yeah, it took you a while there. Little slow are we?" he teased. "But
seriously, we do need to have some fun at night when you're not working."

I opened my mouth to object, but he forged ahead. "Listen it is spring
break, for me too. I want to have a good time with my best bud. Can you do
that for me? We have to help each other out," Zeke said.

I thought about it. I did need to take my mind off of Hela and the
humiliation of being cheated on and even in our own devious ways Zeke and I
did have lots of fun. I could still take chances and risks in life it just
wouldn't be with Hela anymore.

"Ok, but nothing to dangerous," I warned. "We're not 16 or 17 anymore. We
can get actual jail time."

"Hey, if you're referring to that time when I smashed donuts and spilled
coffee on that cop's car, I swear he wasn't around and besides, I would
have taken the heat for it," Zeke said.

Before I could reprimand him, he shoved a large glass of some thick murky
greenish brown liquid with a tinge of orange crumbs and I wrinkled my
nose. "Uh^Å"

"I know you usually just like chocolate shakes, but this is something
different, and it's bound to taste good. Come on, consider this change
number one in your life; being open to new things," Zeke said.

I looked at him and took a large sip.

I ran to the sink and immediately spit it out. It tasted gross!

"What did you put in this?" I asked when I saw Zeke supporting himself with
the counter because he was laughing so hard.

"When you weren't looking I added cheetos, chips, a couple fries, and an
onion ring." He slapped his leg and laughed loudly.

"Come on, laugh! It's funny," Zeke said when I shot him a dirty look after
drinking some water.

I dumped the concoction he that created right over his head.

"Holy shit, that's cold!"

I laughed heartily as he rushed to the shower.

*** "Lighten up Crew and try to have some fun will you!" Zeke said jumping
up and down to the music.

He had dragged me to a gay club near campus, called The Den. It was his
first time in a gay club/bar and technically my second time, but he seemed
more at ease than I did.

Zeke grabbed my hand and pulled me to the dance floor. He started moving to
the music. I admired him; he had really good rhythm and fluidity.

He smiled at me encouragingly. I shrugged. What the hell and I joined in
the dancing.

After two songs, I was feeling so sweaty. The music was fast paced and Zeke
and I were going nonstop. The place was crowded, which probably accounted
even more for the warmth of the dance floor.

As Zeke and I walked off to get some water, I noticed we had attracted
quite a crowd. Men were staring at us, openly looking us up and down,
others shooting appreciative or jealous glances.

I wiped my brow and grimaced when I saw my hand dripping wet. Zeke threw me
a water bottle and we chugged it down at the same time.

"Having fun?" Zeke asked grinning; his red cheeks flushed as I'm sure mine
were as well.

I nodded. I was having fun. This was so great, just dancing, not worrying
about anything. Not thinking about guys; this was just me and Zeke having a
good time out, no pressure. I needed more things like this.

Zeke leaned against the bar to catch his breath and his eyes scanned the
room.

"Everyone is checking us out," he commented.

"I know," I agreed.

"It's because we're so freaking gorgeous," Zeke said smiling at me. I
laughed.

A good looking guy, probably around thirty came up to us.

"Can I buy your hotties a drink?" he asked in a flirty tone.

"No thanks," Zeke said smiling in a friendly manner.

"Are you two together?" he asked leaning in closer to Zeke who
inconspicuously inched away.

"No we're not together. We're fraternal twins," Zeke said hugging me.

As soon as he said that the man's eyes bulged out of his head and I could
see him scanning us up and down and his eyes were filled with lust, his
tongue practically hanging out with drool.

"We'll see you later," Zeke said winking and led me back to the dance
floor.

Zeke grinded into me and danced closer this time, touching my back.

Zeke glanced over at the bar and I followed his gaze and saw that the man
who approached us was still staring at us with a visible hard on poking
through his pants.

Zeke blew him a kiss and he shouted in my ear. "I knew he'd get more turned
on if he thought we were twin brothers doing the nasty," and he snickered
before dancing again.

Lots of guys asked me to dance or came up behind me, trying to push their
way in, but Zeke turned them away, not in a nasty way but in a friendly
`he's taken' manner.

I think Zeke was just trying to protect me. He knew I wasn't used to big
parties or anything and wouldn't know how to react if someone came on too
strongly or tried to pressure me into something I didn't want to do.

I was grateful to be out with Zeke. I could let go and have fun and feel
safe knowing Zeke wouldn't take care of me and knowing he would make sure
no one else took advantage or hurt me.

Another fast song later I watched as Zeke danced in the middle of a large
circle of admirers that had formed around him. He was such an amazing
dancer; the moves he managed to come up with always looked so unique and
amazing. He just commanded attention. I should advise him to be a dance
major. He's phenomenal.

Men were whistling and cheering as Zeke timed his movements perfectly with
the music. He twisted his body in the oddest angles, thus creating the most
inventive dance moves I have ever seen.

I sucked at dancing. My dancing consisted of swaying around and bobbing.

Ah well, we each had our talents. I felt somewhat proud that I could
snowboard better than Zeke even if I were blindfolded.

As the song came to an end there were still whistles and cheers, but now
they were mixed in with groans of disappointment. I could see that Zeke had
enamored more than half the crowd who were staring enviously at me as Zeke
made his way back to me.

Zeke put on a show for them and blew kisses, but then he jumped onto me his
legs wrapping around my waist.

I was smiling so hard I felt as if my cheeks would crack. This was the best
night ever. If only all nights could be as carefree as this.

"Thanks Zeke, this was really fun."

Zeke smiled at me and signaled the bartender for two more bottles of
water. The bartender chucked them over and waved his hand when Zeke tried
to pay for them and gave Zeke a wink.

Zeke flashed a flirty smile in return and whirled around to face me.

"I told you we were gonna have fun over spring break. I didn't disappoint,
now did I?"

I smiled. "No, no you didn't."  *** The rest of the semester was hard for
me to finish up. It was more of a struggle than usual, but I was a
trooper. I made it through no matter what.

There was literally less than two months of school left, but they flew by
with lightening speed. I threw myself into my studies, studying at any free
moment I possessed between classes and my restaurant job. It kept my mind
off of Helaku, which I still avoided and he still hadn't tried to contact
me which was a little relieving and painful.

I didn't visit Storm or Skyler too often either because I didn't want to
risk going to their apartment and running into Hela. They understood.

I had officially been accepted into Rutgers University and would be joining
the twins there for my junior and senior year. I was happy I got in
although it was a pretty sure thing, but my golden rule is that until it's
finalized, it's not good to be too cocky.

My grades were stellar, my focus was returning, and it felt like my life
was starting to get back to normal, or pre- Hela that is.

I ran around a lot in May, preparing for finals, still going to work, and
running to the registrar's office to get my final transcripts ordered and
sent to the University, and returning books I didn't need
anymore. Sometimes I felt like a chicken without a head, but the nonstop
motions kept me going.

I even managed to register for fall classes early even though I was
supposed to do it over transfer orientation over the summer, around
August. Storm said that you really didn't have to wait that long into the
summer to register even though they said they wanted to help you with
it. Since I had so many of the core basic requirements out of the way
before I even got accepted and I had staunchly stalked advisors beforehand
to make sure everything transferred over and fulfilled that said
requirement, I didn't need a summer orientation which would really only
serve to tell me the things I already knew.

So since Storm helped with the whole freshman orientation thing and was one
of those renowned red shirts, he snagged me a catalog book and a small
booklet of what courses were specifically being offered for the fall
semester.

"All you need is your social security number and some PAC number which
consists of your birthday, the month and date, and once you sign in under
`register for classes' you just fill in these codes," Storm said. "This
will save you a lot of trouble in case everything gets filled up and you
won't get what you need."

"Thanks Storm," I said gratefully. I hated taking classes that were useless
and did nothing for me. It just seemed like a waste of time.

"Anal retentive," Skyler had called me when I practically memorized the
academic catalog and listed the courses I needed to take.

I took care of all this in early May right before finals. Like I said, I
was really on top of things. I was used to it by now; after all I had been
forced to act like an adult at an early age when most kids were worrying
when their next party was taking place.

Since community college scheduled their final exams on the last day of
class, opposed to Rutgers students who had a small break period and then
exams on specially scheduled dates, I was halfway through my exams when the
twins were just beginning theirs. I had two exams my first day, one exam on
my second day, and on my last day three back to back exams.

On my second day I had just finished my US history final and was already
pouring over my textbooks for tomorrow's writing essay, biology, and
chemistry exams when my phone rang.

I grunted as a hello. One week with about eight hours of sleep combined
turned me into a caveman.

"Crew is that you?" Zeke's voice floated through my ear.

Despite my tired weariness, I smiled.

"Hey bud, what's up?" I asked.

"I have an awesome proposition for you," Zeke said excitedly. I could hear
it in his voice. I wouldn't be surprised if he was bouncing up and down or
something. I had to admit my interest was piqued.

"Oh yeah, and what would that be?" I asked curiously.

"Dude, let's go to California for the summer!" he burst out.

"What?" I asked in shock. What a random statement Zeke just threw at me.

"Check it out man. My aunt has a house in Santa Barbara. Have you ever been
to Santa Barbara? It's awesome! It's not too cold, not too hot and right
near the beach. I've always wanted to live near the beach!"

Zeke's Aunt was only a few years older than us and really cool, but she was
one of those insanely creative artistic people and skipped college to
become a fashion designer. As a result, she was twenty three, but already
owned her own home and a car. Ah, the American Dream.

"Zeke, I need more details than that."

"Oh right. So anyway, my Aunt has this place, but she won't be around
because she's traveling to Europe for some fashion thing and she said I
could use it. So I was thinking we should go there, take the summer off,
and have a great time!"

"I don't know," I hesitated.

"Ah, come on Crew. It's not like you're gonna do anything over the summer
but work like a dog. Snowboarding season ended some time last month, and I
think we both need a change of scenery. What better change of scenery than
California?" Zeke demanded.

"Zeke-" I tried to break in but he cut me off.

"And we can get jobs out there, ya know, we'll be out there for about four
months," he reminded me. "We can both work. I heard restaurants over there
not only pay a good base but you also get tips. It's like double what you
make at home. And it's practically free! No hotels, no rent, just a plane
ticket and food money, which we can split."

"Zeke-"

"Or we can drive up there together. YO!" he said so loudly I held the phone
away from my ear and cringed.

"We can drive up there! Why didn't it occur to me before! Road trip there!
Stay there for the entire summer! YEAH!" Zeke shouted.

I rubbed my temple. "Zeke I just took a really hard exam, can you please
not shout at me?"

"Listen. This is a golden opportunity. You should take it. Something like
this won't come along again. Well at least until next summer. Just think
about it, ok?" Zeke asked and then he hung up.

He hung up on me.

I rolled my eyes and placed the phone back in the receiver. He always hung
up on me when he didn't want to hear me say no and it almost always worked.

I considered the idea. I wouldn't mind driving there. It would be a long
driver, like three or more days between the two of us, but as long as it
was with Zeke it would be guaranteed fun.

And I had a free place to stay. Zeke was right; I could get a job out
there. It would hardly be any trouble or expense at all.

It would give me the chance to get away; clear my head, heal my wounds, and
just overall relax. Nothing is more relaxing than lying on the beach, night
or day.

I was just stuck in this rut; I felt like I wanted to change, I wanted to
create a new me. A new place could mean new experiences.

Then I remembered that time I was so opposed to going out to the gay club
with Zeke, but I ended up having the best time ever, and it didn't involve
any alcohol or drugs.

Zeke was right. I needed to do more things like that. Let go and be more
carefree. There was more to life than just work and textbooks. At least
this way I would be with Zeke and I know he would look out for me.

A smile began to creep on my face.

Santa Barbara huh?

I dialed Zeke's phone.

He picked up on the first ring. "Crew, I knew you'd cave!"

"Well, I did always want to try surfing," I said smiling. I heard Zeke
cheering in the background.

Yes, this was going to be a good summer.

*** "Wow, I can't believe you're picking up and leaving for California,
just like that," Skyler said in amazement when I stopped by there place
after my last final, only after Storm had assured me Hela had left the
building.

"Yeah, it's so unlike you," Storm added.

I smiled. I was in a ridiculously good mood.

"Yeah, well I've decided to do something different."

"That's cool. When do you leave?" Storm asked.

"Tomorrow," I replied.

Skyler spewed his Gatorade all over my face.

"Gross!" I yelled.

Skyler cackled, even Storm sniggered. "Sorry," Skyler said shrugging.

"When did you decide this?" Storm asked.

"A few days ago while I was in the middle of finals. I didn't get a chance
to tell you guys sooner because we were all so busy," I answered.

"Are you excited to go?" Skyler asked.

"Yeah," I nodded, "I could use a change and I've only been to California
once when I was much younger and I barely remember that."

"You flying out there?" Storm asked.

"Yeah, it's cheaper flying there than driving because if we were to drive
there, we would have to take in account the food, hotels, gas, and
everything. This is just better and faster," I said.

Storm nodded. "It makes sense."

"Are you gonna go surfing?" Skyler asked.

"Yeah, I plan on it."

Skyler grimaced and folded his arms. "I always wanted to try surfing,
although it's really discouraging to do it in the Jersey shore. If I stay
in the water too long I might mutate into something non human."

Storm and I laughed.

"You can always fly out there and stay with us for a little while?" I
offered.

Skyler frowned. "Thanks man, but I can't. I have work."

"You're working?" I asked in surprise. I was a little shocked. I didn't
think Skyler was by any means lazy; when he put his mind to something, the
results could be amazing. But he believed in not rushing life and that
included not working until after graduation since he figured he would have
to spend the rest of his life working anyway, so why start so soon?

"Yeah," Skyler grumbled, "mom set me up as an intern at Aunt Jennifer's law
firm. Total bummer; I bet it won't be anything cool. Just a whole lot of
paper work. Watch I'll come back with paper cuts and carpal tunnel
syndrome. Life sucks!" he groaned.

I chucked. "What are you doing?" I asked Storm.

"I'm just working around here," he answered shrugging. "Nothing too
special."

"It's not fair," Skyler complained. "How come you aren't forced to work
with Aunt Jennifer?"

"Because I already have a job and it's not the job mom was aiming for
Sky. She wants you to learn how to do work, you know, so in some sheer
miracle, you can learn to actually do work in school," Storm mocked.

Skyler rolled his eyes. "Hey I didn't do that badly this semester. I got
two B's."

"What were the other grades?" Storm asked.

"C's," Skyler said defensively, "but that's still better than last time!"

"That's not saying much," Storm said.

"You know it's really your fault I'm getting punished, Storm. If you didn't
always get straight A's since you popped out of mom's womb, she wouldn't
expect me to get A's too. So because you get A's, I'm supposed to just
because we're twins. Thank you for ruining my life," Skyler finished
crossing his arms.

"Did you know I have to wear a dress shirt, dress pants, dress shoes, AND a
tie, to work?" Skyler asked turning to me. I couldn't help cracking a
smile. The way he said tie, you would have thought someone was shooting off
blasphemy in his presence.

"At least you would look good in a shirt, tie, and dress pants," I offered.

Skyler pouted. "Well, duh."

"Hey guys, I got to go. I have one more final and I need to do a little
review. Do you want to have dinner tonight before you leave?" Storm asked
me picking up his notebook and heading to the door, talking to me as he
walked backwards.

"Sure," I said smiling.

Storm waved and left.

I turned back around to Skyler who was studying me.

"Are you ok?" he asked me suddenly.

The question took me by surprise because we were in such a joking and
laughing mood and here he busted right in asking that.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Are you taking off to avoid Hela?" he asked leaning forward.

"Partly," I admitted. "Do you think I'm running away?"

"Nah, I think it's awesome. You're young; you don't need to be moping
around. You know how anti- moping I am," Skyler said cracking his signature
smile.

"You know you'll find someone great one day," Skyler said turning serious
again, once again surprising me, but before I could say anything, he
continued talking.

"I know you felt bad after what happened with Hela but I'm glad you're
going to have fun and move on. Things are going to be ok and you're going
to find someone else."

I stared at him in shock.

Skyler grinned. "And you're a cute kid Crew. I bet guys in California will
be all over your fine ass."

I started blushing profusely and looked around the room not knowing what to
say.

Skyler only laughed at my discomfort.

"Relax Crew. You're a cutie, but I have eyes for another blond that looks
similar to you, but his name starts with a Z," Skyler said grinning at me,
his large brown eyes twinkling humorously.

"How are things with Zeke?" I asked curiously.

Skyler shrugged, never losing his easygoing smile. "Well we've emailed and
talked on the phone, but we never discussed anything concerning a
relationship. We'll get to it when the time comes, ya know?"

"And besides, it's not always about how much we like each other. Sometimes
it just comes down to timing. Meanwhile, I want us both to have fun and I
want us both to be happy. Maybe one day, we'll be happy together. Zeke is
really a great person, kind of like you," Skyler finished.

I was once again stunned. I didn't know how to respond.

"You know," Skyler continued, "I never realized I could be interested in a
guy before. I always thought that people were one way and that was that. I
never even thought about other guys like that before. Sure I've seen
attractive guys, but that's because I used to think I was so much hotter
than them," I smiled when he said that, "but Zeke is like me in a way. He
has such a passion and zest for life and I haven't met many people like
that. It's great. I always feel alive, but I feel even more alive with
Zeke. Is that even possible?" Skyler asked looking at me.

I opened my mouth but all that came out was a large squeak.

"We just have this great connection. Can you even like someone that much
without even kissing them or being intimate? Like having the emotional and
mental aspect come before the physical?" Skyler said, but I think he was
asking himself more so than talking to me.

"If the emotional and mental stuff comes before the physical stuff, it
probably means you guys have something pretty special," I said honestly.

I couldn't help thinking about that concerning Hela and I.

Is that why we never worked out? Because we jumped too much into the
physical part of our relationship without really taking the time to get to
know each other better?

Skyler smiled at me reassuringly as if he knew what I was thinking. He
patted me on the shoulder.

"Don't worry Crew. You'll find your Zeke one day."

*** "Later man!" I called out as I shut the door.

I hopped down the stairs, still in my cheery mood. I was heading home to
pack like crazy. This trip was so abrupt and I was still so busy and worked
up with finals that I didn't have much time to plan anything. So now I was
going to go home and pack what you would call- `stuffing in everything'
style.

I checked my watch as I made it to the bottom step; I was gonna have dinner
with the twins around 7, that's when Storm finished his exam according to
Skyler. So that gave me a good six hours to pack. I would have gone to
lunch with Skyler, but I really wanted to get some sleep tonight. I've
barely slept at all because of finals and work. I didn't want to spend my
last night of potential sleeping time packing.

"Oh sorry," I said when I bumped smack into someone coming up the stairs.

I looked up and came face to face with a very familiar pair of green eyes.

I instinctively took a step back up the staircase.

"Crew," Hela breathed out, just as surprised to see me as I was to see him
apparently.

We just stood there staring at each other, not saying anything. Finally he
broke the silence.

"How have you been?" he asked quietly.

"Good," I said quickly. Oh how I wanted to go home. I was so close! Damn
it, damn it, damn it!

"School going ok?" Hela asked.

"Great. Finished my finals."

Hela nodded.

Another looooonnnggg pause.

"I'm gonna go," I said taking a cautious step towards him, "I have to
pack."

Hela looked at me. "Pack?" he repeated.

Shit, shit, shit.

Big mouth, big mouth, big mouth.

"Uh yeah. I have to pack," I said.

Yup, keep it vague Crew.

"Where are you going?" Hela asked.

"I'm leaving for the summer," I replied. I started to edge around him to
get to the hallway leading to the door, but he slid to the side to block
me.

"Where?"

"California."

"The entire summer?"

"Yup."

Hela was looking down at his shoes. "By yourself?"

"With Zeke."

"How come we can't talk anymore?" Hela asked suddenly.

"What?" I asked frowning.

"Do you hate me that much that you can't stand talking to me anymore?" Hela
asked looking downcast. "You barely said more than few words to me."

"It's not that. I just have to go; Zeke asked me to go a few days ago and I
was busy with finals. I only have a few hours to pack before I leave," I
said.

Hah, that was a big sentence. In your face Helaku McAdams!

"You're leaving tonight?" Hela asked his green eyes snapping back up to
meet mine.

"Tomorrow morning."

"I'll miss you," Hela said staring at me.

I gulped. I really couldn't deal with this right now.

"I'm sorry, I can't-," I stammered.

"Crew, what are you still doing here? Got lost on the way to the door?"

Sweet Jesus, saved by Skyler!

Skyler bounded down the stairs but stopped right behind me when he saw
Hela. He put his arm around me and maneuvered me past Hela.

"Come on Crew. I'll keep you company while you pack if you promise to feed
me," he said shooting a pointed look at Hela.

I assumed that they still haven't reconciled. Skyler was a real
loyalist. He would dislike someone, even if they never did anything to him
personally, if that person wronged his friend or a family member.

I gave Hela a brief smile before exiting with Skyler.

I felt guilty for not talking to him a little more or trying to make him
feel better; but I was hurt and I had to stop trying to make other people
feel better all the time and work on making myself happy.

As Skyler always says, "I'm number one. Everyone else is second place."

That's right.

It was time for me and only me.

I was finally moving forward.

***