Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2004 18:14:28 +0000 (GMT)
From: sean harrison <sean_uk_02@yahoo.co.uk>
Subject: Just Looking Chapter 2

This is a work of fiction focused on male/male sex. If
this is not to your taste or you are not of legal age
(in your area) then please leave now.

I'm deeply sorry for the long wait for this chapter.
Unfortunately I have been very busy, which makes it
considerably more difficult find the time to write.
But I do intend to see it out to its conclusion so you
will just have to kindly bear with me. I sincerely
appreciate all the comments and encouragements sent to
me by the readers.

This chapter does not contain any sexual scenes
because the principal aim of this chapter is to build
the story. But this is by no means the end of the sex
scenes.

Two

Neil sent me a text message to invite me for a couple
of pints at the pub. As I got ready, I found myself
feeling both excited and anxious, my heart was beating
in a mad frenzy which almost made me want to cancel on
him in order to sort out my head and perhaps get a
better idea of what I ought to say to him when we talk
about what happened on Friday night. But there was no
way I was going to miss out on the chance to see him
again after three days of worrying about whether what
happened had effectively fucked up our friendship...
besides I really needed to know how he felt about it.

The pub was rather busy for this early in the evening.
I spotted Neil sat in one of the booths in the corner,
he had his hand around a pint of Stella, which is
invariably what he drinks. He looked up just as I
entered and caught my eye, for some reason I smiled
shyly but was greeted by a mere nod. I went to the bar
and ordered a Smirnoff Ice and then made my way to the
booth.
"Alright mate" I greeted Neil, raising my bottle to
him.
He clicked it with his pint glass but said nothing. I
could sense something was wrong because he kept
looking around uncomfortably. I watched him closely
realising just how fucking gorgeous he actually was,
or perhaps he looked especially gorgeous after Friday
night. "You ok mate?" I asked.
He nodded and smiled meekly, "Yeah just a bit tired"
he explained.
"Had a busy weekend then?" I asked, hoping to get some
sort of explanation as to why he didn't text me over
that period.
"Not especially" he muttered, he was blatantly
avoiding my eyes and the lack of conversation seemed
ominous, he normally never shuts the fuck up.

I opened my mouth to question him further but that's
when I saw Emma, Neil's girlfriend coming towards us
from the direction of the toilets. "Hiya Dan" she
shrieked in her annoyingly girly manner. I forced a
smile, sitting there watching her slide in to the
booth next to Neil, he put his arm around her and they
kissed as if they'd been parted for fucking centuries.
I felt my stomach tighten into a knot and averted my
eyes, I was taken aback by how much it hurt seeing him
kissing her, I suppose I was being unreasonable
considering she was his girlfriend, but I still felt a
sharp pang of jealousy which was such a foreign
feeling that I didn't quite understand it. I struggled
with my drink but eventually managed to finish it. And
all the while there was very little conversation, Emma
leaned against Neil and he kept kissing her neck and
whispering stuff in her ear, which really pissed me
off even more. I thought perhaps I was overreacting
but I couldn't handle it, I was crestfallen and it
seemed he was acting this way to send me some sort of
message?

I didn't order another drink; I couldn't hang around
watching them all over each other while I sat there
wallowing in self-pity. "I gotta go" I managed to
blurt out as I struggled out of the booth and headed
for the door. The heart-wrenching feeling was slowly
lifting as I rushed down the dark street desperate to
get home, but then I heard Neil's voice calling after
me. I turned and saw him standing outside the entrance
to the pub, "Dan!" he shouted again but I turned back
and carried on walking. A few minutes later he had
caught up to me just as I turned to walk down a narrow
alleyway, he put his hands on my shoulders and spun me
around, but I shrugged him off.
"What is wrong with you?" he asked.
I looked at him sharply but said nothing; the silence
was cold and deep while we stood there staring at each
other. "What the fuck was Friday night?" I asked.
"What?" he shifted uncomfortably.

"We slept together" I reminded him, "or do you do that
so often that you've forgotten?" I spat. We were both
standing half way down the narrow alley now, lit by a
singular street light a few feet away, we had out
hands dug into our pockets, trying in vain to protect
ourselves from the ferocious cold.
"Oh for fuck sake Dan, don't make it into a big deal"
he retorted casually.
I stared at him in disbelief, "Oh, well I'm sorry that
I have feelings" I responded and started to walk away
but he reached out and grabbed my arm.
"Look" he lowered his voice as if afraid of being
overheard, "it was incredible yeah but you have to
think about stuff and what it means"
"I know I want you Neil and I don't care what it
means," his eyes widened at my unashamed declaration,
"but you obviously thought of me as a convenient toy
that was there when you were horny"
He flinched, "Oh come on that's not fair" he
complained, his hand still gripped my arm while we
stood a mere few inches apart, I felt his breath on my
face as he spoke.
"You're not being fair either Neil, you cant play
games with me" I warned.
"I'm not" he searched my face and then sighed loudly,
"I've got a girlfriend" he muttered.

I snorted, "Yeah so have I, but she's a girlfriend not
a wife, there is no unbreakable commitment Neil, I
fancy you more than I fancy her, the choice is obvious
for me"
He lowered his eyes and released his grip from around
my arm, "Its not that straightforward" he muttered.
"Will you stop making excuses?" I asked, losing my
patience, "you obviously don't fancy me, so why don't
you just say that and at least make it sound more
fucking plausible" I raised my voice slightly and he
quickly looked around nervously.
"I do fancy you" he whispered, "of course I fancy you
why do you think I came on to you on Friday night?" he
asked innocently.
I could feel my face soften as my heart fluttered
foolishly at the sound of a few gentle words from him,
"then why are you acting like this?" I asked tenderly.

Neil fell silent, and for a few moments we looked into
each other's eyes, my mind started feeding me random
images, images of Neil and I naked and sweaty with our
bodies intertwined. I leaned forward and watched as he
closed his eyes and lifted his head slightly, I closed
the distance between us and kissed his lips gently at
first and then as he held the back of my neck I
started deepening the kiss, pushing my tongue inside
his mouth and licking his perfect teeth as his sultry
tongue sought to curl around mine and drive me crazy.
I was on the brink of losing myself in his passionate
embrace when he pulled his head back and pushed me
away forcibly.
"I can't do this," he muttered "I have to go back to
Emma, she'll be waiting" he started running back up
the alleyway leaving me standing there feeling
crushed.

I spent the next few days in a state of turmoil.
Essentially the only thing that had happened between
Neil and I was a single night of sex, in which we
didn't even go all the way. Yet I felt heartbroken
after the incident in the pub and this made me realise
that I'd probably had such feelings for him for a long
time, they were simply obscured by the feelings of
friendship and trust I also felt. Thankfully I didn't
allow myself to make my heartbreak too obvious, I
moped around the flat for a bout two days, I spent
both days dressed in my boxers, without shaving, just
randomly walking around the flat, doing nothing yet
feeling extremely exhausted, only sleep eluded me. The
nights were the hardest, because that's when there
were no distractions and I thought about Neil more
than ever. But on the third day I had to go back in to
uni and I was determined not to let this affect my
studies so I made the effort to shave and freshen up
and then I went into uni and religiously attended all
my lectures and came straight back to the flat
afterwards. Thankfully Neil and I weren't doing the
same course so avoiding him at uni was a piece of
cake.

Ellie called me a couple of times from Sheffield and I
managed to talk to her like normal on the phone, but
today she was getting back and I decided the best
thing to do was to break up with her now. Okay so Neil
had turned me down but I couldn't bring myself to
carry on as usual with Ellie while I pined for someone
else, it wasn't fair on her and where Neil can pretend
and act like an Oscar winner, I can't.  I met up with
her in the park near her house, hoping she would take
it better in a public place, in other words she
wouldn't start slagging me off or kicking me in...
hopefully. We talked idly for a while to start with,
but each time she attempted to kiss me I managed to
avoid it. She could see that something was not right
and eventually asked me and I was half-truthful, I
couldn't exactly tell her that I was breaking up with
her cos I was going crazy over my best mate, who as it
happens is too much of a coward to give it a real go...
I told her things wouldn't work out because I didn't
feel the same way about her anymore and I didn't want
to cheat her by leading her on. She didn't take it
well. She started lashing out carelessly and drew the
attention of a few passers by; I sat quietly and let
her release all her anger before leaving her with a
final apology. As I walked back to the flat I felt
like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder, and for
the first time in the last few days I felt kind of
happy. The happiness of course was short lived because
when I got back to the flat, the phone was ringing; I
rushed across the room to answer it. It was Neil.

"Hi" he said in a husky voice that made the hairs on
the back of my neck stand on end.
"Hi"
"What you up to today?" he asked.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror and realised I
was looking awful. "Not a lot" I replied.
"Wanna meet up for a bit?" it sounded as if he knew my
answer even before he asked the question, it was the
way he used a defeated but expectant tone.
"I'm busy" I replied stupidly.
"You just said you weren't doing anything," he pointed
out.
"I lied" I shot back, "something you're quite good at"
He stayed silent for a few seconds and then sighed and
said, "I miss ya mate"
I closed my eyes tight getting the urge to hang up. "I
miss you too," I whispered.
"Then why won't you come out?" he asked, hope evident
in his voice.
"It depends who will turn up, the Neil that is my old
mate but has no feelings for me, or the Neil that
slept with me and held me in his arms all night only
to discard me like a used toy afterwards" I was
surprised by my own bitterness.
"Dan come on, don't let this stand between our
friendship, that means a lot to me" the gentleness in
his voice made me feel slightly guilty but if I did
see him, it would be too painful.
"Look we can't just be mates anymore Neil" I said "I'm
always going to want more and it's just going to be
too difficult for both of us, this is going to hang
between us"
"So what are you saying?" he asked.
"We can't be mates if that's all there is Neil, It
will be easier for both us if we don't hang around
with each other anymore"
Neil didn't respond to that and after waiting for a
few seconds I hung up.

To Be Continued...

All comments and suggestions and criticisms should be
directed to sean_uk_02@yahoo.co.uk