Date: Mon, 12 Apr 1999 23:15:53 -0400 (EDT)
From: innocencelost@unforgettable.com
Subject: Just The Beginning

Well finally the second half of part three.  I hope that you find it
interesting and as emotionally charged as when I wrote it.  I am still not
sure if I like it or not, so if you don't like this part, let me know, and
I will write a different one.  I really appreciate those of you that have
written, you know who you are!  Give yourself a pat on the back for it.
Ok, I know enough of the bs already and get on with the story, so without
further ado...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Aaron, there is really something that I have to tell you.  Most of all I
don't want you to freak out.  There is something that I have to tell you."

At that moment I thought that all time had stopped.  I am still pretty sure
that at least my heart did.  I was just waiting for Matt to drop the bomb,
to tell me that he didn't love me any more.  I hung my head in shame, and
before I was going to let him say another word, I stood up and started
walking away, completely and utterly destroyed.

"Where are you going?"  Matt inquired.

"Just want save you the trouble and get out of your life."

"What?  How could you even think that?  Everything that I want and desire
revolves around you!"

"Oh, MAN!  I thought that you brought me up here to tell me that you wanted
me out of your life, you got all serious and I was not sure what to
expect."

At that point my heart was lifted so, that I felt like there was no weight
on my feet, maybe that is because I basically gave Matt a flying tackle,
and nearly smothered him with my mouth.  Matt was finally able to beat me
off of him, I think that he had to use a stick.

"Well what I have to tell you is very serious.  Besides that, if I were
going to break up with you, why would I put on your clothes?"

"hmm...good point.  Guess I will have to make sure that from now on you are
always wearing my clothes."

Out of that remark, I at least got a quick chuckle, but from then on it was
back to business.

"What I have to tell you is a big part of my life.  It is something that
happened just before I graduated from high school.  It has haunted me for a
long time, and has not allowed me to love or be serious about somebody
until your smiling face came along and you became a large part of my
life..."

All the while Matt is telling me this my head is nodding, and giving him
the utmost attention as to what he has to say to me, but my mind is reeling
at the possibilities of what it could be that troubles my love so much.

"...you rescued me from a deep oblivion that I was sinking further and
further into.  Suicide was fast becoming a strong presence in my life.  I
didn't want to do it, I knew better, the only thing though that kept me
alive this long was knowing that what happened on that destructive day, was
merely a coincidence.  It could have been anybody.  I just happened to be
in the wrong place at the wrong time..."

Suicide?!  At this point I could not believe that anything in this world
could ever be so bad, to happen to my dearest heart, that he would
contemplate suicide.

"...back in high school, I was more or less out of the closet.  Every body
pretty much knew, but I had never told anyone, it was just kind of an
assumption.  I was pretty comfortable with it.  Everybody pretty much
accepted it, I was just another person.  Everybody was starting to get
excited for graduation, and spring had finally arrived.  Our team had just
won a huge tennis meet and we were all whooping and hollering as we got
into the locker room to shower and change.  Because the fact that everybody
pretty much knew that I was gay, I waited for every one to basically to
take their shower, to avoid uncomfortable situations and any embarrassment.
Finally everyone had pretty much finished in the showers and a friend of
mine gave me the all clear, so I went to go and take a shower.  Usually by
the time I finish everyone is gone but a friend of mine that understands
the situation usually waits for me, but on that dreadful day I told him to
go on ahead, and that I would call him when I got home.  So I was in the
locker room all by myself, and unbeknownst to me one of the football
players had gotten word on the fact that I was there alone.  Apparently he
was not all that enthused on the fact that I was gay and in his high
school, he decided that he was going to take it upon himself to teach the
little faggot a lesson..."

At this point I kind of figured out what was going on, but I kept my mouth
shut.  He was doing pretty well so far.  Matt had gotten choked up here and
there but the tears had not started flowing until he had gotten out the
last sentence.  I was stunned, how could somebody do this to a person so
beautiful and giving as Matt.  I know for a fact that Matt would have never
done anything to hurt another person.  I mean even if he had a problem with
the fact that Matt was gay, Matt would have done anything that he could do
to make this asshole feel more comfortable.  It just was not fair.

"...so this guy got undressed and came into the showers.  I figured that it
was no big deal because I was the only one in there, and he came in to me
showering and not me coming in on him.  I just figured that he was ok with
the fact that I was gay.  I turned around, now my back is facing him, and
started to rinse out the shampoo that was in my hair.  That is when he
walked up behind me.  He slammed my head into the tile wall that was in
front of me, which basically put me on the edge of consciousness.  I was
dazed and there was no way that I was going to fight back.  I fell to the
ground, and he proceeded to roll me over onto my stomach in the middle of
the floor.  He put my hands underneath me and put all of his weight on top
of me so that I could not remove them.  The next thing I remember is a
sharp pain that I felt as if I was being ripped into two.  I screamed and
yelled, but to no avail.  He continued to fuck me harder and harder until
he finally got his rocks off.  But apparently that was not enough.  He
rolled me back over and started to force his cock into my mouth.  Now with
a little more clarity and I knew what was going on I started fighting back
more.  This only enraged him more, he first dislocated my right shoulder,
and seeing that only made fight more, he broke my left forearm.  Now
paralyzed from pain or immobility, the only things that I had left to fight
with were my legs.  He was sitting on my chest so I just lifted myself some
trying to throw him off of me, and that got me a black eye, swollen lip,
and a broken nose.  He slammed my head into the floor one last time and I
was knocked out.  I don't remember anything after that, but I was told that
he had his way with me one more time, took a shower, and left me for dead.
I was in the hospital for over three weeks, and I was granted graduation
with out having to return to school.  You helped me, with out knowing it,
that life does go on, and that I can not let something like this run my
life.  Otherwise I would have never met you..."

This time now he had taken me from tears to out right rage.  I wanted to
teach the bastard a lesson, but I would not be so kind as to leave him for
dead.  I would just kill him, but it would not be quick.  I had never felt
my blood boil more so until Matt had told me that someone would do this
outrageous act.  At this point I thought that Matt had told me his whole
story, but I had more coming.

"...I started looking forward to going to college, starting a new life, and
getting the hell out of that city.  Knowing that I didn't have to fear for
my life anymore, knowing that I was leaving and I would not ever have to
see that sick fuck ever again.  I met you and my whole life turned around.
Instead of living in that dark room of self-depression, you turned on the
light and I could once see again.  You inspired me and my life has greatly
changed, now I want to live my life, and be with you from now till
evermore..."

Now Matt has replaced that rage to absolute passion and admiration for him.
I loved him so much, that I didn't think that he could understand how much
it was.  But after hearing his testimony I could not only believe that he
loved me too, but he loved me just as much.  He not only wanted to spend
the rest of his life with me, but I wanted to spend the rest of my life
with him too.

"...that was up until about last week, that I felt that way.  Now
unfortunately that has changed.  Don't get me wrong.  I love you and I
still want to be with you.  But that protection from that asshole no longer
exists.  I saw him walking across campus the other day.  I though that I
was ok, and that he didn't see me.  I knew though that I would not be able
to escape his existence here for long.  That was up until yesterday.
Yesterday I got e-mail from the asshole.  Basically telling me that I am
not worthy to live and that he was going to rid this earth from my
existence."

I just sat there for a second, not really knowing what to say.  I was
stunned, just to think that this sweet person could actually have his life
threatened.  "You never told them who he was did you?"  I asked.

"No, I couldn't.  I was afraid for what he might do to me."

"You know that you have to do something about this now.  It is not just
going to go away.  But I will tell you this; I will do anything that you
want me to do.  I support what ever decision that you make, and I will
stand beside you no matter what."

"Thank you so much.  I know that you would have done this any way, but to
hear you say it, just makes it all the more true."

After that I just pulled his head into my chest and held him tightly.  His
entire emotions let loose, he cried and cried, for I don't know how long.
We were on that cliff for over four hours, and my stomach was beginning to
rumble.  Matt heard this through my chest, and began to laugh.  It was the
first time that he had laughed, let alone smiled since we had gotten up to
the ridge.

"I have had a revelation!  You are hungry.  Lets go get something to eat."

"Yeah if you call that a revelation, I would like to hear what you called
last night!"

"I call that a down right fucking eye-opener!"

We laughed for a while, neither of us really wanting to get up, but with my
stomach growling away, we really didn't have a choice.  We started our way
down, and on our way down I decided that I was going to see what I had in
the kitchen, if I had enough to make an extravagant dinner, then I would,
if not it was off to the best restaurant around.


Much more to come.  But I have graduation to tend with for the next month
so it might not be for a little while before part four is able to come out.
Tell me what you think and if you plead and beg enough part four may soon
come.  Remember if you didn't like this part, I will ditch it quickly.  As
I had said in earlier parts, there are true parts of my life in these
stories.  A close friend of mine was raped some time ago.  It is a travesty
what happened to her.  Though time and her supporting friends, she has been
able to cope with it and survive.  To this day, I had never told anyone
what had happened to her, due to her wishes, but when I started this part,
and with many shed tears, we have decided that her story could be told.
Too many people think that it will not happen to them, but in all truth,
not one of us is protected, we just happen to be in the wrong place at the
wrong time.

Thanks again for reading, I really appreciate it.

Aaron Taylor

Innocencelost@unforgettable.com