Date: Fri, 15 Sep 2006 14:06:34 -0600
From: Roy <roynm@mac.com>
Subject: Leith - chapter 11 - Gay College Section

This story is entirely fictional, and any resemblances to actual persons
are completely coincidental.  Actual locations are mentioned, and are used
for 'background' only.

This story happens during the period of time when my earlier story,
'Phalen,' ends.

Many of the character's names are Finnish.  For those who wish to know how
they are pronounced, read on.

Mikko - MEEK-ko
Paavo - PAW-vo
Joel - YOE-el
Halonen - HALL-oh-nen


Roy
roynm@mac.com



Leith - chapter 11



Larry smiled as he drove up to Andrew's house, pleased he wouldn't have to
wait to deliver his news.  Andrew's red sports car was in the driveway
sitting in the shade cast by a eucalyptus tree.  Larry was up the porch
steps in a flash and rang the doorbell, leaning close to the glass door to
look inside, all the while anxiously tapping a foot.  When he saw Andrew
approaching he motioned for him to hurry.

"What's up, handsome?"  Andrew held the door open for Larry and then turned
to embrace him the moment he was inside.  Larry was waiting with arms
spread wide.  "Am I still allowed to give my favorite attorney a kiss since
you've fallen in love with that sexy architect-guy?"  Larry answered by
pulling Andrew close and opening his mouth to his friend's kiss.

"Oh, you do that well," Larry sighed, when they finally parted.  "And you
look sexy as hell in those shorts.  Have you been out in the sun?  Your tan
is wonderful."  He reached out and tweaked one of Andrew's nipples and
snickered, knowing the effect it would have.

Andrew placed his hand on top of Larry's and grasped it tightly.  "You'd
better stop doing that or I'm going to have to ask you to strip and bend
over so I can have my way with you."  He reached out and caressed Larry's
cheek before drawing him into another embrace.  "Damn, you smell good."  He
rested his head on Larry's shoulder slowly inhaling the smell of him.  He
abruptly moved and held Larry at arm's length, remembering that they were
no longer able to strip and spend the afternoon in bed.

"I've got to stop holding you like that.  Just standing next to you is
exciting enough, but when you're in my arms it's almost unbearable." He
studied Larry for a moment, noticing his bright smile for the first time.

"You're excited about something.  What's going on?"

"I met the nicest guy today."  Larry followed Andrew into the kitchen and
accepted a beer.  "He's an attorney."  Andrew leaned on the counter and
faced his friend with a distracted smile as the story continued.  "He and
his son have moved to Phoenix to set up a new law firm on the same floor as
mine.  He was in the building to inspect the space and we ran into one
another so I asked him into the office for a cup of coffee.  In fact, we
spent much of the morning together.  He's a really nice guy, Andrew."
Larry paused and took a long swallow of his favorite brand of beer,
stopping a moment to savor the flavor.

"I'm glad for you, Larry."  Andrew continued to lean on the other side of
the large granite-topped kitchen island.  Larry was perched on the edge of
a bar stool and was swinging a leg, full of nervous energy.  "Are you into
collecting guys?  You already have a perfectly serviceable one, in Brad."
Andrew took a long swallow of his beer.  "More than serviceable, in fact.
Sexy as hell.  Why are you all excited about this new one?"

"He's Finnish, Andrew.  He's just about your height with curly black hair
and dark green eyes with long black eyelashes.  He's built about like me,
sort of slender . . . kind of like a runner's build, though he never
mentioned running.  You should like *that*."  Andrew returned Larry's
bright smile with a puzzled grin, remembering the terrible time he had
during his one-time foray into running as he tried to keep up with Larry.

"Sounds stunning.  Why are you telling *me* all of this?"  Larry looked
perplexed for a moment, as if the reason should be obvious.  Andrew
chuckled at Larry's expression.  "I can understand why no one in their
right mind would want to run, but why is what he likes and doesn't like
important to me?"

"Oh, because he's perfect for *you!* The two of you would look great
together."  Larry's dimples were at their best as his eyes twinkled and he
brightly smiled at the man across the counter.  Andrew's eyes widened.

"*Me!*" Andrew burst out laughing.  "Larry, I swear.  I never know what to
expect when you're around.  Have you and this guy . . . "  He paused,
waiting for Larry to supply a name to the description.

"Mikko."

"Have you and Mikko figured everything out?  There's much more to a
relationship than looking good together.  I mean, you and I look good
together and look where that got *us.*" Larry waved his hand as if brushing
aside the comparison.  "Did you tell him about me in the same glowing terms
you're describing him to me?"  Andrew momentarily stared into the distance
and then shuddered slightly.  "Geez, I'd hate to think what you told him."

"Don't worry, I didn't say anything." Larry admitted, looking slightly
abashed.  "I didn't even mention you.  In fact, I don't really know if he's
gay . . . or not.  I *think* he is, but I don't know if that's wishful
thinking speaking.  He is so damn sexy.  Kind of sad . . . in a sexy sort
of way."

"*What!*" Andrew leaned against the kitchen counter and laughed at Larry's
discomfiture.  "You're setting Mikko and me up and you don't even know if
he's gay?  Larry, if he isn't, am I supposed to convince him that gay is
good just with my force of my animal magnetism?"

"Worked with me," Larry murmured.  "If the animal magnetism fails, your big
dick would work.  He's got a big package too, Andrew, and a wonderful round
butt."  Larry made a motion in the air with his hands, describing Mikko's
ass.  Andrew raised his eyebrows in appreciation.  "The two of you'd be
good together," Larry trailed off.

"What if he's got a wife and kids?  Have you thought of that?"

Larry sobered somewhat.  "No, I know he doesn't have a wife.  She and his
oldest son died in a bank robbery back in Chicago.  I don't know how long
ago that happened, but he's still upset about it."

"Understandably."

"He does have another son.  He's eighteen.  Did I mention, Mikko's our age?
Maybe you can meet me after work sometime this week and we all can go out
for a drink or something.  You'll like him, Andrew, and I *know* he'll like
you."


----------


The hot water splashed against the back of his neck as he rotated his
shoulders and inhaled the steam.  The fall he had taken wasn't bad but it
was sure to cause some muscle pain.  The coach and Thian had rushed over
when they saw Kerin catch his arm in one of the still rings and slam to the
cushioned mat, landing on his shoulder with a thud and a humph of expelled
breath.  His teammates stopped what they were doing and looked on in
silence broken only by the banging of the rings above the two men huddled
around Kerin.  The team seldom saw either of the twins fall, so when one of
them did, it was a message that even the *best* gymnasts could be injured.
Kerin shook his head and sat up with his brother's assistance.

"Hey, coach," he groaned, shaking his head as if he were still shaken up by
the fall.  "Do you think someone will name that cool move I just made after
me?"  The coach snorted and motioned for everyone to get back to work.
Kerin stood with the help of his brother and brushed the chalk dust off the
seat of his shorts and shouted at the coach's retreating back.  "The
Johnston flop.  I think it's a catchy name."  The coach merely shook his
head and waved as he walked away, not looking back.

Thian asked him if he was really okay and he nodded, hoping to keep his
brother from worrying and took things easy during the remainder of
practice, realizing how bad a fall he had actually taken.  From time to
time he noticed Thian watching him and he would try to perform up to his
usual standards.  When it became obvious to him that he couldn't meet those
standards he sat down and began unwrapping the fabric supports around his
wrists.  Thankfully, practice was nearly over so he didn't have to endure
the almost constant concerned looks his brother cast in his direction.

Kerin rotated his shoulder under the hot stream of water and winced at the
pain.  The shower room was more quiet than usual and he was enjoying the
relative calm.  The work out had been rigorous, but it was Friday and many
of the guys were rushing to finish so they could get home and tend to their
evening's plans.

Thian joined his brother, appearing suddenly out of the steam.  "Feeling
better?"  Kerin nodded and tried not to wince as he swung his arm in a wide
arc as a means of showing his brother he would be fine.  "Good."  He
slapped Kerin on the butt with a sharp smack that echoed loudly in the
shower room.  Kerin jumped, only half-concealing a yelp of surprise at the
unexpected move.

"Hey guys," one of their team mates at a nearby shower shouted to everyone.
"The twins are getting frisky over here!"  Everyone remaining in the
showers hooted and laughed.

"Don't bend over," someone shouted over the laughter.  "We know what the
Johnston boys are like.  No one's safe."  One of the freshman team members
squinted in Kerin's direction through the frothy shampoo running in
rivulets over his face.  He swiped a hand across his face, attempting to
wipe the suds away, unsure if everyone was joking or not.

"Hey, Kerin.  I didn't know you were into guys."  Kerin looked at him
strangely.  One of the other gymnasts crowed, asking the newcomer what
planet he had come from, telling him *everyone* knew the twins were into
guys.

"That's not true," Kerin shouted back.  "I'm not into guys.  I'm into my
brother.  There's a difference."  He casually draped an arm over his
brother's shoulder.  "Our dad's a psychiatrist and he's still trying to
figure it out."  The young man who had originally asked the question looked
confused as he stepped from under the water, the white foam now puddling at
his feet before it headed toward the drain.  A cloud of steam suddenly
floated across the shower room accompanied by a cool breeze.  Someone
shouted in surprise, demanding that the door be closed before everyone
froze.

The freshman seemed genuinely puzzled.  "If you're into your brother,
doesn't that mean you're into guys?"  Someone nearby snickered and the
young gymnast looked over his shoulder, wondering what was so funny.

"No, Adam," Kerin said walking up to the young guy and resting his left
hand on Adam's shoulder causing the younger man to shift uncomfortably and
give Kerin a wary look.  "I told you.  *I'm* not into guys."  He paused a
moment in the suddenly silent shower room.  Then he grabbed his cock and
wiggled it at Adam, stepping close and shouting.  "I'm not, but *Willy*
is!"  Adam jumped back and looked to either side as the room erupted into
laughter.  Someone slapped Adam on the back and he jumped one more time,
looking around like a trapped animal.

"We don't talk about stuff like this back in Kansas," he managed to croak
as he sought to regain control of himself.  Once again he was surrounded by
friendly laughter.

"You're not *in* Kansas any more, Adam."  Kerin moved closer causing Adam
to back away a couple steps, his eyes wide with concern.  "Sorry if I
embarrassed you, man.  Have no fear, your virginal body is safe around
Thian and me."

"But not from *me*," someone nearby shouted through the steam, followed by
a cackling laugh.  Adam looked up with a start, turned in the direction the
voice came from, and then hurriedly left the shower room, looking over his
shoulder to make sure he wasn't being followed.  Friendly laughter followed
his retreating back.

Kerin went back to the showerhead he was sharing with his brother.  "If I
*was* interested in guys," he murmured, so only Thian could hear, "*he*
would definitely be someone I could be interested in."  Thian looked in the
direction Adam had taken.  He had never known his brother to make a comment
about someone as he had just done.  Kerin turned his back to his brother
and bowed his head.

"Massage my shoulders, T.  I should have been wearing the safety harness
when I tried that new move.  I think I was a little distracted by our
conversation about Dad and us."  Thian stepped close to his brother and
began working the stiff muscles with his strong fingers.  Kerin hissed an
indrawn breath.  "Easy man, don't leave bruises on the merchandise."  The
hot water continued to play over their bodies while Thian kneaded the
muscles of his brother's shoulder.  One by one the other team members left
until only the twins remained.  They could hear the good-natured teasing
Adam was experiencing and finally, they could hear him laugh and begin to
respond to the friendly jibes.

"C'mon, K.  Let's sit in the steam room for a while.  Maybe the heat and a
little more massage will help your shoulder."  Kerin nodded, massaging his
right shoulder and wincing as he followed his brother across the open
showers and into the dimly lit steam room.

"Hellooo," Kerin shouted as they walked into the wall of heat and billowing
cloud of steam.  "Anyone in here?"  He was answered by misty silence.
Thian ushered him to the far end of the long dimly lit room.  Thian scooted
close to his brother's broad back as they both straddled the wooden bench
that ran down the center of the room. Kerin bowed his head and Thian once
again began kneading the muscles of his brother's shoulder.  He could feel
the muscles flex and relax under his fingers, as well as the condensation
covering his brother in a soft sheen.  From time to time Kerin would wince
or sigh.  He rotated his head from side to side stretching the muscles of
his neck, and then rested his hand on his brother's thigh.  Over the years,
they had performed a similar routine for one another many times.  Sometimes
it was a shoulder muscle, sometimes a leg.  Whatever was required, they had
always been there for each other.  "Damn, that feels good, T."  He held his
brother's hand, kissed it and then began sucking on Thian's thumb, humming
with pleasure as Thian scooted closer and wrapped an arm around Kerin's
chest and began playing with his brother's nipples.

Kerin turned around and faced his brother, gesturing for him to remain
seated.  "Hey, sexy," Kerin grinned, speaking in a husky voice.  "Thanks
for the massage.  Now, it's payback time."  He scooted forward and urged
Thian to lie back on the bench.  Kerin moved closer and lifted his
brother's hips so Thian's hips rested on his lap and his legs were spread
wide to either side.

He leaned forward and sucked Thian's erection into his mouth; at the same
time he began teasing Thian's anus with a forefinger.  "C'mon, hot man,"
Kerin murmured, before he deep throated his brother's erection once again.
"Let me taste how sweet you are."  He slowly entered his brother and ran
his forefinger back and forth over Thian's firm prostate, enjoying how,
with each pass his brother's breathing became more labored.

"C'mon, T.  Give it to me."  Thian groaned and arched his back as Kerin
buried his finger as far as it would go and took his brother's penis into
his throat.  Thian groaned loudly, jerked one more time and began filling
Kerin's mouth for the second time in the day.

Thian tried to lay quietly as he tried to control his breathing while his
brother slowly milked his penis until it softened.  He propped himself up
on both elbows and saw Kerin drool out the sperm he had been holding in his
mouth onto his hand, pausing a moment to scrape off a thick trail that was
running out of the corner of his mouth and down to his chin.  He held out
the hand to let Thian see the viscous liquid and then began masturbating
himself using his brother's sperm as a lube.

He gently fondled his brother's penis as he slowly stimulated himself,
feeling his orgasm build until it engulfed him.  It only took a few strokes
before Kerin groaned and began shooting his own load over his stomach and
onto his brother's testicles, a grunt accompanying each shot.  Thian
watched, entranced not only by the thick strands of sperm shooting from
Kerin's penis, but at the sight of his brother's tightly closed eyes and
open mouth as he experienced an orgasm.  After a few moments Kerin opened
his eyes, grinned, and shook his head, sending droplets of moisture flying
in all directions.

"Gimmie," Thian murmured, sticking out his tongue.  Kerin smiled broadly,
scooping up some of his own sperm and extended his hand for his brother to
lick.  He had always enjoyed the feeling of Thian sucking on his fingers,
just as he knew Thian enjoyed having his own thumb sucked.  Just as today,
sucking on one another's finger often was a prelude to greater intimacy.

"C'mon, T, let's get out of this heat.  I'm gonna be so limp I bet even
*you* couldn't get me stiff."  Thian released his finger and smiled.

"Wanna bet?  Sucking on your fingers sends a message directly to your dick.
Gimmie a minute and you'll be ready to go."  Kerin snatched his hand away.

"You can suck on whatever you want . . . but not in here.  Let's go home
and get into a comfortable bed and you can nurse my finger . . . or
whatever, as long as you like."

They both walked into the silent shower room.  "Shoulder's better," Kerin
smiled as he rotated his arm in a wide arc.  They both stepped under the
shower's spray and let ice-cold water sluice over him.  "Thanks for the
massage, T.  You're the best."


--------


The feeling of Larry's tongue exploring his mouth was as exciting as ever
for Andrew.  Each time they kissed he regretted they could no longer have a
sexual relationship.  A couple months earlier, they had mutually decided
they cared deeply for one another, but did not *love* each other.  They
remained the best of friends, but Andrew felt even *that* was slowly
slipping away as Larry spent more time with his partner, Brad.  It was a
frustrating situation, especially since Larry continued to enjoy kissing
him as much as he enjoyed the feeling of Larry's tongue against his.

Andrew opened his eyes surprised to hear a whistle and then the sound of
the front door to the house opening.  Larry reluctantly turned and greeted
Andrew's sons.

"Hey, men," he smiled in greeting, as he shook hands with each of the
twins.  He nodded toward their father. "We were just saying goodbye."  He
turned back to Andrew and gave him brief kiss.

"Thanks for the beer.  Think about my idea of getting together with Mikko
soon.  You'll like him as much as I'm sure he'll like you."  He gently
slapped Andrew on the back and saluted the silent twins as he walked to the
front door and let himself out.

Kerin as always, was first to speak.  "Well, Dad?"

Andrew rubbed the back of his neck and headed for the kitchen followed by
his sons.  He looked at them after he had finished the beer he had started
earlier. "Well what?  Are you asking why Larry and I were kissing, or
something else?"

"We were surprised to see Larry's car out front," Thian said, pulling up a
stool and sitting down, looking at his father.  "Then we were even more
surprised to see the two of you kissing like long lost lovers."

"Who's Mikko," Kerin interrupted his brother.  Andrew shrugged.

"He's a guy whose office is moving in next door to Larry's.  Larry came
over to tell me he thought this Mikko person and I would make the perfect
couple.  He doesn't even know if Mikko is gay, and he's already planning a
honeymoon for us."  The twins laughed at their father's choice of words.
"Larry wants the three of us to go out for a drink after work soon."
Andrew theatrically shuddered.  "Knowing Larry, I can't imagine what he's
got planned."

"So . . . are you going to?"

"Who knows?  Probably."  He grinned.  "Mikko sounds like a nice guy.  Larry
is certainly impressed with him."

"You still care a lot for Larry, don't you, Dad?"  Andrew looked at Thian
and nodded slowly.

"Yes, I do.  Every time I see him I wonder if we made the right decision
not to pursue a relationship.  I find myself resenting Brad, and then I
feel bad because I know the two of them are perfect for one another."  He
traced a pattern on the granite counter top with his forefinger.  "It's
just that Larry was the first man I ever *really* cared for.  I felt as if
things were going great between us, and then the bottom fell out and I was
left a little . . . stunned.  I guess I'm still not over the feeling."  He
grinned at his sons' serious expressions.  "Besides, right now I'm horny as
hell.  You guys are even beginning to look good to me."

"That's our cue, T.  Dad's not only maudlin, he's horny.  A weird
combination."  Kerin grabbed his brother's hand.  "Let's go lock ourselves
in our room until he cools off.  I seem to recall you telling me you wanted
to suck on my thumb."

Andrew shouted to their retreating backs.  "I'm heading to the gym, guys."
Thian raised an arm in acknowledgment.


----------


Brett groaned loudly, clawing at Leith's back, pulling his cousin closer,
feeling Leith's penis throb as it unloaded inside him.  Only moments before
he had heard his mother and father pass by the bedroom door.  It was
exciting for him to think of being fucked only a few feet away from his
mother.

The thought of having his father nearby though, was exciting.  He and Leith
had discussed on a number of occasions, the intensity of the feelings they
experienced while watching their fathers have sex. In fact, such a
discussion had led to this afternoon's lovemaking.

Leith slowly rested the entire weight of his body on his cousin as his
tongue sought his cousin's.  His softening penis was still inside Brett.
The one time Leith withdrew soon after having an orgasm, Brett had
complained, instructing him to, "put it back in."  The two men slowly
kissed until Leith softened enough to slide out of Brett's hole.

Leith murmured in Brett's ear.  "Are you gonna let me taste my own jiz,
straight from your butt hole, Mr. Studly?"  Brett grinned.  One of Leith's
favorite things was to lick Brett's hole clean of sperm each time they
fucked.  Often Leith would cum a second time as his tongue explored the
depths of Brett's anus.

"You can lick my hole anytime, Leith," Brett murmured, kissing his cousin
once again.  "But this time we're gonna do it a different way."  Leith
propped himself up on his elbows and looked into Brett's eyes, wearing an
expectant grin.  Brett pushed him off and told Leith to lie on his back.

As expected, Leith was beginning to stiffen as Brett stood over his cousin
and then slowly squatted over his mouth.  Brett began to masturbate himself
as he relaxed and felt the sperm begin to drain out of his butt hole
directly into Leith's waiting mouth.  The moment the thick liquid touched
Leith's tongue he moaned loudly and reached for himself and began to
furiously masturbate.

"Sit on my face, Studly.  I wanna lick your hole."  Brett's orgasm was
approaching and he knew the feeling of his cousin's tongue lapping against
his anus would send him over the edge.  He moved to his knees and backed
onto Leith's waiting tongue, tilting his head back and gasping at the
sensation of Leith penetrating him.

Leith tried to push further into Brett as his hips left the bed and he
began shooting another load, this time onto his stomach.

The feeling of his cousin's tongue exploring his asshole, the sight of
Leith gripping his large penis, the way it expanded just before he started
to shoot, and the way the sperm erupted from the large piss slit sent Brett
over the edge.  In moments, Leith' chest and stomach was streaked with two
loads of sperm.

"Fuck, man, that was too much," Leith chuckled and licked his lips as Brett
stretched out next to him breathing heavily.  "Damn, my jiz tastes good."
He rolled his head to the side and winked at Brett.  "Especially after
you've had an opportunity to hold onto it for a while."  He licked his lips
and then became serious as he continued watching his cousin.

"Has anyone ever told you that you are one sexy man?"  He reached over and
traced a finger along Brett's jaw and then over his lips.  "Mr. Studly."


----------


"Hey, Larry!"  At the sound of the voice, Mikko turned from closing the
construction door to his new office to see Larry, emerging from one of the
elevators.  As always, Larry looked impeccable in his conservative grey
business suit.  He smiled brightly at Mikko and suddenly the day seemed to
be going much better.  Overseeing a bunch of construction workers when he
knew next to nothing about construction was trying, and today had seemed
worse than usual.  He figured he was anxious about the bid he had placed on
a new loft near the University.  That's all he seemed to think about.  The
loft would be a perfect home for him and Leith.  He *wanted* it
. . . badly.  Apparently, so did many other people.  In fact so many people
had been interested in buying spaces in the building; the owners decided to
maximize profits by selling the one remaining space to the highest bidder.
Mikko placed his bid and had been anxious to hear the results ever since.

"Heard anything about the condo yet?"  Mikko shook his head.

"No, not yet, and it's driving me crazy.  I hate waiting.  In fact, I'm so
distracted I can't think.  The noise is driving me up the wall, so I'm
calling it quits for today and am heading back to my brother's place."
Larry got a mischievous look on his face and moved close.

"Maybe what you need is some companionship."  Larry watched Mikko's
expression become suddenly wary.  "There are a few lovely young ladies
working close by who would jump at the chance to go to dinner with you."

Mikko held out both hands as if to stop Larry from even contemplating such
a thing.  "I never was good at the courting ritual, Larry, and I do *not*
want to be hooked up with someone I don't know and with whom I have nothing
in common.  No thanks."

"They think you're cute."  Larry was enjoying himself.

"I'm flattered, but please don't pursue this.  If they're looking for an
eligible bachelor, I seem to remember you saying *you* were single."

"Yesss."  Larry drew out the word until it sounded like a hiss.  "I'm
single . . . but very happily partnered.  So, I'm not available."  He
turned to look over his shoulder as one of the doors to his office opened
and a receptionist softly called his name, behaving as if someone would
complain that her voice might compete with the sound of nearby
construction.

"Well, duty calls, my friend." Larry smiled once again and Mikko felt
captivated by the dimples.  "If you change your mind about one of the
ladies, let me know."

Mikko shouted to Larry's retreating back.  "Don't hold your breath!"

He entered the elevator not knowing whether to be irritated or flattered.
He decided to be irritated.  'Just what I need . . . a set of female
admirers.'  He crossed the bridge to the parking garage, muttering under
his breath.  'Could Larry have been teasing me?  He certainly seemed to be
enjoying himself.

They think I'm cute, huh?'  He smiled a satisfied smile and got into his
car and began the long drive across town to his brother's house deciding
that feeling flattered was much nicer than feeling irritated.  'Besides,
who could stay mad at Larry?  All he has to do is smile and I'd do whatever
he wanted.'

Susan's car was parked in the drive and he sighed, dreading being in a
house with Joel's wife.  He decided he wasn't going to let her spoil the
good mood he'd been cultivating since leaving the office.

"Honey," he called as he opened the front door.  "I'm home."  He heard
laughter from the living room where Susan was reading a book.  She greeted
him with a bright smile and noticed how the smile he'd been wearing when he
entered the house suddenly faded to be replaced by a haunted expression.
He dragged himself into the living room and slumped into the chair facing
Susan, a man transformed in the space of only a few seconds.

"I never realized how much I miss saying that."  He was silently staring
out the large window to the back yard.  Susan closed her book and studied
her brother-in-law.  He was immaculate as always, but she could detect the
beginnings of dark shadows under his eyes.

"Will it ever get easier, Susan?"  He tilted his head back and stared at
the ceiling.

"I honestly don't know, Mikko.  I would think that time would dull the pain
. . . some."  She paused a long moment and then took a deep breath.  "Brett
tells me Leith continues to suffer nightmares and bouts of crying.  He's
not the only one who's in pain, is he?"  Mikko glanced at her, surprised by
what she said about his son having nightmares, and shook his head.

"No, I just think I'm able to hide the pain a little better, but sometimes
I'm overwhelmed just like Leith.  I'm glad he's got Brett to look out after
him."  Mikko absently stroked the leather of the chair arm.  "Back in
Chicago, I tried to help."  He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed.
"We talked to one another, and held each other while we cried . . . but I
don't think either one of us were really comforted."  He abruptly stood and
began to pace back and forth across the room speaking in an anguished
voice.

"Susan, I can't help but think that in some way it's *my* fault they died.
That if *I* had done something differently they would be alive today."  He
glanced at his sister-in-law who seemed poised to stand and slap some sense
into him.  "I know it's survivor's guilt rearing its ugly head, but that
doesn't help one damn bit when I wake up in the middle of the night wishing
she was next to me."  He stopped pacing and bowed his head and speaking in
a lower voice.  "It doesn't help when I have something exciting to tell her
. . . and she's not there."  He turned his back on his sister-in-law and
continued speaking with a bowed head.  "It doesn't help when I want to give
Mason a hug, or hear him laugh as he tells one of his awful jokes . . . or
take him to a ball game."  He rubbed at his eyes with an angry swipe of his
hands and spoke in a voice barely loud enough to hear.  "It just
. . . doesn't help."  Susan watched quietly through narrowed eyes as Mikko
made an effort to regain control of his emotions.  Finally, he turned
around and gave her a crooked smile.

"My apologies, dear lady."  She grinned at the words he often used when
speaking to her.  Before today, she had never realized how she enjoyed
hearing him say those words, and the way his eyes would usually twinkle as
he spoke them.  Today there was no twinkle in his eyes as he sat down
across from her and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Susan, I haven't told you how much I appreciate you opening your home to
Leith and me.  I know we've been a disruption to your routine . . . and
then there's Brett and Leith."  He heaved a sigh and sat back, resting his
arms along the arms of the chair, once again absently running a forefinger
back and forth over the smooth surface.  "There are better ways to learn
one's son is gay."  Susan gave him a wistful smile and nodded agreement.

"Are things okay between you and Brett?"

She sighed, studying Mikko's serious expression.  He had never opened up to
her as he was doing today.  She didn't know quite how to handle the change.
"Yes, things are fine.  I told him it would take me a while to assimilate
the new Brett, but to give me time, that I'm working on it."  She chuckled
and noticed some of the tension leave Mikko.

"I must say, Brett seems happier than ever.  I expect I should give Leith
much of the credit for the transformation.  Sometimes I used to despair of
Brett having to go out into the real world.  He's always been almost
frighteningly self-controlled.  Even as a young child he would silently
observe, hardly ever giving way to bouts of emotion.  He was so cold and
serious.  At the same time he seemed . . . frail, as if the first setback
he suffered would crush him."  She smiled.  "Since you and Leith have been
here he's become more self confident.  He laughs."  She paused a moment and
grinned at the man sitting across from her.  "I can't remember when I heard
Brett laugh.  Now, he's laughing all the time.  It's wonderful.  His
brothers aren't going to recognize him when they come home."  Mikko
returned her smile and then once again looked at her with a dead-serious
expression.

"Susan."  He paused, as if gathering his thoughts, or building his courage.
"Are things okay between us . . . you and me?  I want them to be, and yet I
feel as if I've done something wrong.  If I have done something to hurt you
or displease you, please tell me so I can make amends.  I want us to at
least be . . . friends."

Susan sighed.  Now it was *her* turn to gather her thoughts, something that
was difficult to do considering the abrupt change in the course of the
conversation.  "Mikko, truthfully I don't know what I feel about you.  One
minute I feel terribly sorry for you and the circumstances you've faced.
The next minute I feel overwhelming jealousy because of the relationship
you have with my husband.  It's a relationship I have always wanted to
experience and have never been able to achieve.  He seems so open and
loving with you."  She lowered her voice, embarrassed at hearing herself
speak so openly of her feelings.  "I've never felt that he loves me as much
as he loves you."  She looked at Mikko, studying the firm line of his
mouth, the now-quiet hands lying on the arms of the chair. . . and the
infinite sadness that seemed to surround him.

'It's strange,' she thought.  'I've never thought of Mikko as a sad person
before now.  But looking at him . . . like this, makes me almost want to
cry.'  She cleared her throat, and he looked up at her and tried to grin.

"You haven't done anything to apologize for, Mikko.  Not really.  It's just
me.  My mother was very outspoken recently when she told me to back off and
let you and Joel attempt to regain the closeness you enjoyed when you were
in college.  It's hard for me to do something like that."  She hesitated,
taking a deep breath.  "Mikko, I have had nightmares about you taking Joel
away from me."  She noted his sudden frown of concern.  "I can't compete
with the love he feels for you.  If it came down to making a choice between
one of us, I fear Joel would choose . . . you."  Her voice trailed off and
she bowed her head.

"Nonsense!"  The abrupt word, and the force with which it was delivered,
made her look up.  "Your mother is right about one thing though.  Joel and
I *would* like to reestablish our old relationship.  But, Susan, even
though I dearly love my brother, and I want us to be able to find some of
the closeness we once had, I know we can't ever go back to the way we were.
We've changed."

"Susan, please listen to me and believe me when I tell you that Joel loves
you and the boys more than anyone else in the world.  I am not competing
with you for his attention.  I love my brother, but I also love my
brother's family, and like him, I want to see that family happy."

Susan sniffed and looked at her brother-in-law with misty eyes.  "Thanks,
Mikko . . . for talking to me and for not hating me because of my behavior.
I've always thought of you as competition for some reason.  Even before I
met you, I didn't feel as if I would ever match up with Joel's vision of
his little brother, and over the years my fears have grown."  She shrugged
and wiped at her eyes, sniffing once again.  "Maybe I'm just being
insecure.  I don't know.  Joel's been the model husband.  He loves to both
the boys and me.  He listens.  He's considerate and even-tempered.  Still,
when I hear him moan your name in his sleep, I feel as if I'm a stand-in."
She shrugged slightly.  "It's going to take a while for me to stop thinking
of you as . . . competition, just as it is for me to start thinking of
Brett in bed with a man."  She gave him a tremulous grin as a single tear
escaped to run over her cheek.

"I'll manage on both counts."  She tried to grin.  "I'd like us to be
. . . friends . . . too."


~ to be continued ~



Thank you for taking the time to read my work.  I've been amazed at how
many of you have contacted me about 'Leith' and my other story, 'Phalen.'
I *always* welcome your email and enjoy hearing your thoughts.  If you
would like me to send a pic of the character(s), please ask.

I have also posted the first chapter of a new short story, entitled,
'Chris,' also in the Gay College Section.  I hope you enjoy it.

Best wishes,

Roy Reinikainen
roynm@mac.com