Date: Thu, 04 Dec 2003 14:05:26 -0800
From: Steve Thomas <s4d@hotmail.com>
Subject: Leonards-Lust, chapter 10

This is a fictional story. It is based on many experiences and fantasies
of the authors. If you are really into graphic sex, it may not satisfy
your purpose for coming here. If you like to hear of real love and real
teen angst, with a little sex thrown in, you are in the right place.
There may be some amount of graphic sex between males. If this is
objectionable to you, or you are legally too young to be here, you are
cordially invited to press your back button.

Cast of Characters:

Leonard Kirk Harston (Lenny)

Lawrence Olivier Goodwin (Rennie)

Mrs. Harston, Lenny's mom

Mr. Harston, Lenny's dad

Mr. Goodwin, Rennie's dad

Mrs. Goodwin, Rennie's mom

Joy -- Rennie's older sister

Jennifer -- Rennie's younger sister

Bobby -- Joy's husband

Seth -- Lenny's friend

Luke -- Seth's lover

Chris -- Seth's Brother

Criag -- Chris's lover

Jake Smith -- Seth and Chris's cousin.

Colin -- Jake's husband & Bobby's brother

Morty -- Rennie's Cousin

Ursula -- Jake & Colins daughter

Uri -- Jake and Colin's son

Carrie -- Jake's sister

Uncle Jake -- Jake's dad

Aunt Lindy -- Jake's mom

Renate -- The Goodwin's housekeeper

Etta -- the Smith's housekeeper

From Chapter 9:

"I think if it were me, I'd give Bobby 1/3 as you suggested. Later, you
can decide how you want to divide -- if at all -- the other two thirds."

"Okay."

"Okay what?"

"You're making this very hard, sir."

"That's because, especially with this legal-beagle here," he pointed to
his attorney, "I don't want to say anything that could come back and
bite me later. You have to say it, son."

Him calling me son did not escape my attention. "I want Bobby to have 1/3
of the estate, sir."

"You're sure!"

"I'm sure."

"Good! My attorney has all the papers for you to sign."

How could he? We just made the decision. I felt like I had been
manipulated. But I felt grateful that he guided me in that way. I needed
it. I signed a pile of papers. As I drove home it hit me. He kept saying
three hundred million. But it was more. That was rounded. I was still
left a billionaire. Just before I left, I said, "OH! Is there any reason
I should not be signing any real estate deals -- tomorrow?"

"None I can think of. Here's my card if there are any questions." I
grabbed the card and willed myself not to skip out of the house.

 

 

Chapter 10

Rennie:

CASH?" Hans exclaimed. Heh! He lost his "Mr. Cool" persona!

"Yeah." I said as nonchalantly as I could manage, just to impress him. I
mean he was hot! But at the moment, he was so flustered, I was wondering
(and maybe half hoping) that he would ask me what he could do for me! He
gave me the cutest grin!

"As you can tell, I'm not used to this kind of deal. I mean, I try to be
as professional as I can manage most of the time. I feel like I need to
do something more for you than just tell you which lines to sign on. Can
I just suck your dick or something?"

I just threw in that last part -- he didn't say it! He did show me where
to sign, though, and in a matter of minutes it was mine! Oh, the escrow
took a few days, and I couldn't actually move in until that was cleared,
but I had the key.

I got home and as I came through the door there was Bobby, still looking
like he was recently whipped. I ignored it and excitedly started telling
him about the new place. I was absolutely giddy.

"Oh. You're selling this house?"

"Well, that was the plan." I said, but I saw that he looked hurt. "Oh,
Bobby -- if you want to keep it -- it's yours! Well, you can buy it from
me! I just don't want to stay here. I just assumed that you -- well,
apparently it doesn't affect you in the same way."

"I still cry when I pass little Jacob's room," he said, "but I really
don't want to lose this. It is all I have -- left -- of - " He clouded
up. I felt like such an insensitive jerk!

I walked over and put my arms around him. He sighed and hugged my head to
his chest. "Bobby -- if you want it -- really -- it's yours! Lenny and I
will be moving to the new place on the beach as soon as the escrow closes
-- about two weeks."

He did it again. He kissed me. And I did it again. I kissed him back.
Only this time I didn't stop or hold back. Before we were finished, we
had both gotten each other off with our mouths. It felt so good -- so
comforting -- at the time. As soon as it was over -- and we were back in
the living room -- Lenny came home. He kissed me.

"What's wrong?" he said.

"Wrong?" I parroted. All I could think of was how glad I was that I had
brushed my teeth.

Lenny:

"What's wrong, Ren?" I could tell by his kiss that something was not
right.

"Nothing!" he said almost too fast. "I mean -- I -- er -- I just bought a
new place for us!"

"Oh. A new place." I said.

(Wasn't I part of "us"?)

"Okay -- well, when do I get to see it?" I tried to keep the sarcasm out
of my voice.

"Oh!" he backtracked. "I could -- I mean -- if you don't like it -- we
could -- well -- you BETTER like it -- I love it! But if you -- you --
you -- don't, I can rent it out -- or even sell it."

I felt bad now. It's his money -- and I'm just a beggar here. "I'm
sure if you like it that much, I'll love it!"

Finally he was warming up from whatever it was that made him seem so cold
and distant a moment earlier. "Lenny, it's perfect. I reminded me so
much of when we first met at Morty's place! It's right on the beach!"

"When do I get to see it?" I asked, this time with more enthusiasm.

"We can go now!" Bobby was fixing dinner by this time. He looked kind of
strange when I looked at him, too. He wouldn't look me in the eye. After
dinner we headed out the door. I said, "Aren't you going too, Bobby?"

He looked at me very funny, then said, "Uh, well -- no! Uh -- you guys
deserve to do this by yourselves."

So we left. When we got to the beach condo/duplex that he had already
bought, I fell in love with it immediately. He showed me both sides. He
even gave me my choice of which side was mine. It really didn't matter.
They were mirror images. I took the one on the south.

After that was decided -- it seemed more important to him -- I kissed him
again. He still seemed cold, but warmed up quickly, as I rubbed his back
and butt. We lay down on the floor -- in the absence of any furniture --
and in no time, he was sucking on my dick. I wanted to reciprocate, but
he said no. He wanted to do this just for me. I love this boy so much!
Why did I ever hesitate when he asked me to -- marry him? As I was lying
there in his arms after he swallowed most of my spunk, and then gave some
back to me in a warm kiss, I hoped that he would ask me again. I would
definitely say yes!

All of a sudden he started to cry. Out of the blue. And it wasn't the
cry of someone who was happy. "What's wrong, babe?" I had a feeling it
had something to do with whatever was bothering him earlier.

All he could do for the next ten minutes was choke and sob. Finally, he
said, "Remember -- remember -- remember - " He stopped. "Oh GOD! Why
can't I just say it!" He screamed. "Several months ago -- you -- you --
you -- told me that you had -- uh -- with that -- uh - Rob - "

"Oh Rennie -- that was nothing. Oh no Rennie! I don't have feelings for
him! I -- I mean we only kissed that once -- I - "

I thought that was all finished with!

"No Lenny. That's not it. Lenny, I -- I -- had -- SEX -- with -- with --
Bobby -- this morning!"

I felt a knife go right through my heart. Was he actually comparing that
kiss with Rob to -- to -- this?

Ren:

I may as well have put a gun to his chest and pulled the trigger. My lame
attempt to soften the blow -- almost sounded as if I was blaming him for
what had happened between Bobby and me! I wanted to turn that gun and
blow my own brains out! We were still naked on the floor, and I wrapped
my body as much as I could around his. He hugged me back -- as if this
were the only thing that could soften the blow I'd just delivered.

Then almost coldly, Lenny let me go. He started putting his clothes on,
and as he was tying his shoes -- I was still lying there naked -- he
asked me, coldly, seemingly without emotion, "How did it happen?"

I told him. Everything. I even told him about how earlier we had kissed.
And that I had kissed him back that time too. Each time I opened up a new
revelation to him, I thought his chest was going to split open from his
heart bursting. His tears were flowing freely by the time he said, "So --
do you think this will ever happen -- again?"

"Lenny -- I'm so confused -- I mean -- NO! It won't! Ever!" I tried to
sound more convincing than I felt.

"Okay, here's the deal, Ren." He spoke slowly, as if I was mentally
retarded and had to digest every word. "When I kissed Rob, you said that
we each got one mistake -- remember?" He really didn't even wait for me
to nod. "So this one is yours. Okay?"

I didn't feel like it was even close to the same, and so I had a hard
time even agreeing to his easy solution. I swallowed hard and said,
"Well, Oh GOD! Lenny I don't deserve someone as beautiful as you! If you
can put this behind us -- then I can too. And it will be so much easier
when we move out!"

Len:

Why couldn't he have stopped short of that last statement? I was ready
to at least want to believe that he could resist Bobby. But if he had to
get away -- what kind of resolve was that?

Oh shut up! I know I'm young! But hey! I'm a nerd! I can use big words
like resolve -- and even know how to use them!

I tried to ignore the sinking feeling I was having. I extended my hand to
him and raised him up. He licked his lips. I guess he thought I was going
to kiss him. I still didn't feel like kissing him. I pointed him to his
clothes. I watched as he pulled every piece of clothing on. I was all at
once turned on and sad. If he was confused -- well -- so was I.

We drove back to the house in silence. Thank God for radios! Bobby was
waiting for us when we got back.

"Jacob Smith wants you to call him about something, Lenny."

"Me? He wants ME to call? I wonder why."

"He didn't say."

I dialed their number. "Smith residence." It sounded like Etta.

"Is M -- Uncle Jake there?"

She covered then phone, but I could easily hear, "Iss fo you, Mista.
It's dat Lenny boy." How did she know?

"Hello -- Lenny?"

"Hi, er -- Uncle Jake! Um -- is everything alright?"

"Yes. Well everything's sort of in upheaval right now, but -- yes
everything's just fine. I called for two reasons. But first, how are
Rennie and Bobby doing?"

"Better -- I think. They seem to be turning to each other more."

Now, why did I say that? I don't think they knew what we were talking
about, but -- it seemed like they shot each other a look.

"That's good. Are they right there with you?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I won't ask you any sensitive questions. Just be aware that when
someone has such a loss as they have received, they may do some
outlandish things. Some may be dangerous -- and you need to watch out for
that. Others may be hurtful. They may turn ON each other as easily as
they turn TO each other."

The reason I called was first to give you a message from Seth. Did you
know that he and Luke, as well as his brother Chris -- and Craig -- have
moved to Vermont?"

"NO! I had no idea!"

"Yes. I don't know if you know another friend, Rob?"

"Umm -- yes I know of him."

Yeah, like I needed to be reminded of HIM right now!

"He has bought some acreage in Vermont, and all our boys have moved out
there."

"Oh. Wow! Must be quiet around your place, then."

"You have no idea! That was the other reason I called. Besides Seth
wanting you to know, I want to extend to you an invitation to come see us
any time! I know how you took care of our Seth when he was banged up, and
we just want to be sure you know that we love you for that. Please come
by any time."

"Thank you -- er -- Uncle Jake."

"You don't have to call me that if you don't want to. I just thought
you might like to."

"No -- it's okay. I DO like to -- I'm just not used to it."

"Well, that's all I had. Aunt Lindy says hi and wants you to know that
she feels as I do."

"Thanks!"

"We're serious about you coming by -- we miss our boys. It would
actually cheer up Lindy, I think -- and me! Good bye, Lenny.

"Bye, sir -- um -- sorry -- bye."

I hung up the phone. Why did I have an empty feeling? "Um -- all the guys
over there are gone!" I said.

"I know." Bobby said.

"You did?" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, my brother told me. I would have told you if I knew you cared."

"It's okay. Hey, guys -- I'm kinda tired. I'm gonna head off to bed."

"It's pretty early." Rennie said, as I walked away.

I reached our room and plopped down on the bed fully clothed. I thought I
was tired. But I couldn't sleep. Without much thought, tears started to
flow. I heard the elevator wheezing and knew he was coming. I had only
been in the room for a half hour. The door opened slightly.

"Can I -- can I join you?"

Not saying anything, I moved over. I thought about what Uncle Jake had
said about the trauma making them do strange things. He lay down next to
me, looking up at the ceiling. I couldn't help the tears that were
constantly leaving my eyes. I shut them tightly to squeeze out the tears,
and I heard Rennie sob.

"What can I do, Len? I feel terrible. I could have kept it a secret. But
then again, I couldn't just lie to you."

I didn't say anything. My mind was racing. I wanted so much to feel his
touch -- to feel his hard body next to mine, but something inside would
not let it go -- not yet. I sobbed, and turned toward the window. I knew
he was repentant. I knew he wanted to make it right. I wanted to forgive
him -- but - - -

"I'll go sleep in the other room." He said.

Everything in me was crying out, "No. NO! Don't go! PLEASE just stay and
hold me!" But I couldn't say it. As I heard the door close, I buried my
face deeply into the pillow so he couldn't hare me crying. How could
anyone hurt like this and still be alive?

Something deep inside me whispered, "pray". I ignored it. Again, more
insistently, "PRAY!"

I turned over on my back. I wasn't very good at this. "God -- I --
don't know what to- what to -- even -- ask for." I started. "I know I'm
young and inexperienced, God. How long can this feeling go on? I feel so
-- empty and sad. I guess I will ask you to help me -- uh -- feel better.
Er- maybe to be able to deal with this situation. I love Ren so much. Is
he trying to let me down -- gently -- or something? I don't know God. I
-- don't -- know if you have time to answer my stupid questions, but
maybe you can make me understand a little better -- to accept - things --
a little easier -- or something. Uh -- Amen?"

I don't know what I expected, but it seemed like I wasn't quite so --
anxious -- or something. The hurt in my chest was just as bad. I cried
the whole time I was praying. But somehow -- somehow, I did feel better.

I was wondering about this one moment, and the next, I felt a hand on my
shoulder. "Lenny. Lenny? It's time to get up. You going to school?" I
turned over on my back. Ren was there, looking sad, but sweet. I raised
my arms to him. He fell on me and caressed my face and my neck, and
kissed my mouth.

"Oh God, Rennie! I wanted you to do this so bad last night!"

"I -- I didn't know." He said, tears again forming.

"I -- I -- couldn't tell you. I just -- couldn't." We lay there for
about ten minutes crying and caressing each other. Finally, Ren said,

"I just don't know what else I can say. I know I want to say something.
I can feel it. But I don't know how to say it."

I smiled through my tears and hit him with something my psych prof had
said to one of the guys in class who pretty much said the same thing.
"Well -- if you did know -- what to say -- what would you say?"

"I guess -- maybe -- can you -- I mean would you be able - - could you --
um - " He broke down and started to blubber like a baby.

"Forgive you?" I was able to barely squeak out. He nodded his head, and
buried it deeply in my neck, and squeezed me so hard I thought I might
break. I patted his back. DAMMIT! I can't say it! Not yet! "Ren -- I
think I can. I can only say that. I think I can. Let's just take it from
here, k?"

"What choice do I have?" He blubbered.

"Ren, your 18. I'm 19. You are rich. You have choices."

"I know -- and all I want," he said, as he stroked my face, and looked
into my eyes, "is you!" Again he fell into sobs and lay his wet face on
my chest. I still could not say, "I forgive you". But I stroked his head
and face, as I cried along with him.

The intercom squawked with Bobby's voice. "You guys goin' to school
today? I got some breakfast goin' here. Renate will be here later to
clean. Better get hoppin'!"

"I just want to hold you all day." Ren said. For once I could agree.

"Yeah -- me too! But I guess we better get up."

He got off me and pulled me up with him. He looked deeply into my eyes
and said, "I love you."

"I love you too." I said.

When we got down to the kitchen, Bobby said, "How soon are you planning
to move to your new digs?"

"As soon as the escrow is done -- probably two weeks. But I have the keys
and we can start moving furniture in there. They said it was unusual, but
it was my risk. If something happened to void the deal, I'd just have to
move it out again. Can we go look at furniture tonight, Lenny?"

"Uh -- yeah." I said absently. "And -- I -- uh -- wanna go see the Smiths
too. I'll do that before I pick you up at school -- if that's okay."

"Sure." That meant he had to walk to City College. He usually drove. But
it wasn't that far. But instead, I dropped him off and then came back
home.

"Oh! You're back!" Bobby said.

"Yeah. No class today until 11:00."

"Lenny -- did Ren talk to you -- um -- ?"

"Yeah, he told me."

"Man -- I'm so sorry! We just -- both of us -- felt a need -- and - "

"I know, Bobby, I know. I can't imagine what it must be like."

"But -- really, dude, I mean -- I really feel bad. I'm almost 30 years
old. I should know better. It just happened."

"Yeah. I know."

"I just don't know how to say to you what I want to say."

(Do I really have to go through this again?)

"Um, how about, `please forgive me'? That might work."

"Lenny, will you - "

"Of course."

"Even at 30, well -- I don't think anyone is ready to handle this kind
of thing."

"I wonder what is worse -- I mean now." I started, "Knowing you will
never see your family again -- at least until you die -- or like me --
Mine are just across town, and I can't see them." I hadn't thought
about that in such a long time. It hit me particularly hard this morning.
Seemingly out of the blue, I started crying again. Bobby looked almost
panicky -- like he didn't know which way to turn.

Then he took two large steps over to me and pulled me into a close hug.
That gave me permission to let go a little more and so there we were,
holding each other and both of us crying. He unconsciously -- I think --
started to rub my back. I moaned and then he kissed my cheek. I sighed
big, and his lips found my mouth. I jerked my face away. I didn't let go
of him, but I turned my face the other way. "No! Bobby, no." I squeezed
him once more and went up to finish getting myself ready.

He had just asked for my forgiveness and then seemed to put a move on me.
I didn't know what to think. I justified that he was very lonely. But
was that an excuse? Did that excuse Rennie from trying to soothe his
brother-in-law? I didn't have the answer.

After my one class of the day, I swung by the Smith's. Uncle Jake worked
out of his home office. Etta met me at the door.

"He be here, Mista!" She hollered.

Uncle Jake appeared at his office door. "Come in, Lenny." He said, in his
deep baritone voice. "Etta told me you were coming by. It's so good to
see you."

That's funny. I didn't tell anyone I'd be coming by. Aunt Lindy came
out of the adjoining office and immediately to me and hugged me. I
didn't really know these people that well -- I thought. Then she gave
way, and Uncle Jake hugged me.

"So why are we so privileged to get a visit from you?" Uncle Jake said.

"I really don't know, sir -- uh -- Uncle -- can I just call you Jake?"

"Of course!"

"And you just call me Lindy, honey!"

"I -- uh -- don't know why -- I just seemed to be prompted to come see
you. I also don't know why Etta told you I would be coming. I didn't
call ahead."

"Well, Etta often knows things like that. We gave up wondering how years
ago. What I do know is -- if Etta knows, then there is a purpose for you
being here. Can you think of anything -- anything at all?"

I looked from Jake to Lindy and then back to Jake. I was about to say no,
then stopped. "I -- uh -- I am confused about something."

"What's that, son?"

"Bobby and -- Ren -- uh -- did -- uh -- some things, and I -- uh --
don't quite know how to -- uh -- handle it."

"Do you mean -- sexual things, Lenny?"

I looked over at Lindy and blushed, then nodded my head.

"Lenny, you know that Bobby is our son-in-law's brother, right?"

"I knew there was a connection, yes."

Well, we love Bobby. He stayed here for awhile. Things upstairs were in
constant turmoil when Bobby was here. Jake and Colin split up for awhile
because Jake caught Bobby and his brother -- Colin -- `doing some
things". Bobby brought some other yokel up there for awhile -- someone as
scre -- as messed up as Bobby. As far as I know, Colin has never done
anything like that again. But as I have observed Bobby, he doesn't seem
to have much conscience when it comes to that kind of thing. I'm
surprised he hasn't tried something with you.

My face revealed what I didn't want to tell them. "Oh. He has, huh?"
Jake said. "Bobby can be very -- uh -- persistent. And he is quite a
specimen! Both he and his brother are."

"I know. It was hard, especially since I know he's hurting so much -- to
tell him no."

"But -- you -- did? Tell him no?"

"Yes."

"Good." Well, I don't know either why you're here. Maybe you just
needed to tell someone. Sometimes that's all that is needed. But Lenny
-- let me tell YOU something. Anytime -- and I -- WE -- mean -- ANY time
you need to escape -- for any reason -- please come see us. Okay?"

"You're -- very -- kind, sir -- uh ma'am. I think I better go now.
Thanks."

"Thank YOU for coming to visit! Bye now!"

I left the Smith's feeling better, but still confused. As I drove to
City College that was close to home, to pick up Ren, I tried to reason it
out. Jake and Lindy seemed to be telling me that I should forgive Bobby,
but don't trust him. I already kind of knew that. Then they as much as
invited me to come to them if I had any problems. Did they expect that
some problems would happen -- or that things might get worse?

"Hi!" Ren said, cheerily. I had actually pulled into the parking lot, and
in my deep thought, parked and didn't realize it.

"Oh!" I said.

"Mmmm! Caught you cogitatin', huh? I'm sorry to make you do so much of
that, lately! Ready to shop `til we drip?"

"Don't you mean `shop `til we drop'?"

"Nope! I plan on ending this trip up with both of us drippin'!"

"Oh. You're being nasty! Well, this is better than this morning."

"I talked to my psychology teacher today. He's so nice -- and cute!"

(I'm not sure I want to hear about who you think is cute!)

"So what -- did you -- say to him?"

"I told him what happened." He said.

(What version?)

"What did he say?" I asked.

"Basically that Bobby sounds like an `amoral soul'. That he doesn't
quite get morality. And he said what we did was textbook typical -- under
the circumstances."

(Oh yeah? Did he smile and try to hit on you, too?)

"Oh." I said, thinking that's basically what Jake had told me earlier.
"Rennie -- you're -- uh -- pretty young, and - "

"I know! And -- SOOOO much younger than you are!" He was being pretty
flippant.

"Ren, You will grow a lot between now and when you're 19! I mean in
maturity. It just hit me. As much as I love you -- I can see that we're
both so young! And you are ever so much younger than I am."

"C'mon, Lenny -- lighten up, big DUDE!" I then saw what I hadn't seen
before. His eyes were dilated.

"Shut the car door, Ren, so we can go home!"

"Home!? No, we're going shopping -- gonna fill up that little
condum-in-yum! Hee hee!"

"Sorry babe -- I'm not going anywhere with you when you're stoned!"

"Aw give it a rest, Dude! Drive! To the furniture store -- and BEYOND!"

I'd never seen him like this. He was a lot smaller than I was, but in
much better condition. I had been working out, but I still didn't want
to test my self against Rennie. I hopped out of the car, and stuffed the
keys in my pocket, and walked toward home.

"Shit!" he said. Well, Fuck it! I'll go by myself -- gimme the keys." I
ignored him. "Give me the FUCKING keys to my FUCKING car!"

"It's not your car. It's my car. You gave it to me."

"IT'S FUCKING IN MY NAME! EVERYTHING IS! YOU DON'T OWN ANYTHING! GIMME
MY KEYS!"

I ran as fast as I could. He couldn't keep up with my long legs. But as
high as he was, I was pretty sure he could beat me in an endurance
contest. I rounded a corner and threw the keys into a bush and kept
running. I ran another block -- about a block from home and slowed to a
walk. He caught me -- or rather tackled me.

He pinned me easily and demanded the keys. "I don't have them."

"Liar! I saw you put them in that pocket!" And he grabbed my pants,
stuffing his hand in the pocket. "what - - ? Where the fuck are they?"

"In some bush back there,"

"Asshole -- FUCKING asshole!" He reared back with his left hand and came
down at my face with his clenched fist. I jerked my head away at the last
minute. I heard cracking as his hand hit the sidewalk. I got sick. He
grabbed his hand and ran off toward the house.

I went back and retrieved the keys and drove the car home. I wondered if
THIS was textbook typical. When I got to the door it was locked. I
unlocked it. The chain was on. I had had enough. I forced the door,
breaking the chain. Luckily it broke before the doorframe did.

I looked inside and there was no one in view. "Dude!" I heard his voice
from out in the kitchen. All you had to do was ask! I woulda opened it."
I headed the other direction, toward the elevator.

"Where you goin'?" he said, sounding all hurt.

"I'm going upstairs to get my stuff. That shouldn't be too hard, since
everything is yours!"

The elevator door opened, and I stepped in. As the door closed, I saw his
open-mouthed, surprised face. As I was packing stuff in a bag I found, he
came into the room. "What are you doin'?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I answered.

"Are you gonna pack up and leave every time we have an argument?"

"That was more than an argument!"

"Okay -- a fight -- you can't just leave every time we fight."

"Ren, BABY BOY, that was not a fight -- it was a WAR." I said very
calmly. "I'm just getting out of the war zone before I get blown up."

Rennie fell at my feet and grabbed my lower legs for all he was worth.
"Please don't go, Lenny -- Pleeeeeze!" He was now as hysterical as he
was angry earlier. He cried loudly, stroked my legs and kissed my shoes.
"I'll be good, PLEASE don't leave me!" I slid down to his level -- on
the floor. I held him. I was crying again. I didn't know what else to
do.

"I love you so much, Lenny! Please forgive me! I'm so sorry I hurt you.
OW! (he bent his injured hand wrong) I just want to be loved -- but ONLY
by you, Lenny -- Only by you!" He slobbered and cried on my chest like
that for another five minutes. At the end of the five minutes, his
language had become almost gibberish. The last thing he said, before
collapsing again and just hugging my legs was, "I want my mom, Lenny --
can't you get me my mom?"

I helped him into his bed -- our bed -- He was asleep instantly. I
tiptoed out of the room, still as confused as ever. As soon as I stepped
off the elevator, Bobby was standing there.

"I heard you coming down. Actually I heard you guys up there. What
happened up there."

"Someone gave him some shit. He was higher than a kite when I picked him
up. He's asleep now."

I just didn't feel like sharing the details with him.

"What about his hand?" Bobby said.

"What?"

"His hand. Shouldn't we get him to emergency?"

"Oh, shit! What about the drugs? Won't they check?" I asked.

"You're right. Well, it's probably set by now anyway. He's really
going to pay for this little escapade. They may have to break something
to reset it. Little turd!"

That set me off when he called him that. I got all bold. "Bob, you're
thirty years old, and - "

"Not quite."

"Close enough! Why do you feel you have to hit on 18 and 19 year olds?
You're really screwing up -- well, make that screwed up -- our
relationship! You are a very hot looking guy. I know there are lots of
guys -- closer to your age -- that would love to -- do whatever you
wanted -- with them. Can't you just leave us alone?"

Bobby turned white. "I -- er -- ahem -- Oh God, Lenny, I'm -- um -- so
sorry. But -- I don't know -- I just -- well, I already love you guys. I
mean I love you both so much. It just seems to come naturally to want to
kiss you -- and then - - - " He sat down. I thought I was going to have
another crying mess on my hands, but he just looked at the floor. Then he
said, "I don't know. It just has hurt so much to lose my wife and my
s-s-son."

I didn't know if this was good timing or not, but I continued. "Bob,
what was your reasoning -- when you did that with your brother -- and
split him up from his guy?"

"What -- how - ?"

"It doesn't matter how. I know. It doesn't change the fact that you did
it before and now you're doing it again -- this time to another brother
-- and me!"

He still was talking to the floor. "It's worse than you know." He said
quietly. I waited for him to tell me what else he and Rennie had done.
"When Jake caught Colin and me, he went off the deep end, got drunk --
and went down to the Rainbow Club."

"You mean that park?"

"M-hm. He had unprotected sex with several guys. He got AIDS from that.
It's something I live with."

"So why don't you stop?"

"I don't know. I don't plan these things. They just happen -- in the
moment, so to speak."

"Why don't you get help?"

"You mean a shrink?"

"Yup! Your rich now, Bobby! You can afford the best. And you don't have
to worry about publicity like the other clients that go to those high
priced guys."

"I don't know."

"What?"

"I -- just -- don't know. I've never considered it before."

"I think you should. I think they can help you." I may have been a bit
naïve. But I had not too long ago taken a psych class, and I was
convinced.

"Okay."

"What?"

"Okay -- I'll do it. You're right."

Wow! I repressed the urge to spit on my hand and polish it on my shirt!
Did I do that?? Cool!

"Bob -- take Ren with you?"

"Yeah -- good idea. I'll try."

Notes: Where is this going?? Don't you wish you knew? Don't you wish I
knew? Comments may be sent to Steve at s4d@hotmail.com. Thanks and love,
Steve


Bottom line: Love will Rule in the end.