Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 13:57:35 -0800 From: Steve Thomas <s4d@hotmail.com> Subject: Leonards-Lust, Ch 13 This is a fictional story. It is based on many experiences and fantasies of the authors. If you are really into graphic sex, it may not satisfy your purpose for coming here. If you like to hear of real love and real teen angst, with a little sex thrown in, you are in the right place. There may be some amount of graphic sex between males. If this is objectionable to you, or you are legally too young to be here, you are cordially invited to press your back button. Cast of Characters: Leonard Kirk Harston (Lenny) Lawrence Olivier Goodwin (Rennie) Mrs. Harston, Lenny's mom Mr. Harston, Lenny's dad Mr. Goodwin, Rennie's dad Mrs. Goodwin, Rennie's mom Joy -- Rennie's older sister Jennifer -- Rennie's younger sister Bobby -- Joy's husband Seth -- Lenny's friend Luke -- Seth's lover Chris -- Seth's Brother Criag -- Chris's lover Jake Smith -- Seth and Chris's cousin. Colin -- Jake's husband & Bobby's brother Morty -- Rennie's Cousin Ursula -- Jake & Colins daughter Uri -- Jake and Colin's son Carrie -- Jake's sister Uncle Jake -- Jake's dad Aunt Lindy -- Jake's mom Renate -- The Goodwin's housekeeper Etta -- the Smith's housekeepe Shelley -- Friend at University DeVon -- Shelley's cousin From Chapter 12: He slipped out of me, and shed the condom. He turned me around and we kissed deeply one more time before pulling our pants up on our wet parts. He said, "GOD I love - - -d that. But now I still owe you one." "Nope!" I shot back. We're more than even!" Chapter 13 We walked back to the house. Well, let me tweak that a bit. HE walked back to the house. I kind of limped -- gingerly. It wasn't that I hurt so much as it was I was afraid to let all that load loose in my pants! As soon as we got close to the house, I was like a horse near the coral. I almost ran to the toilet. His laughing wasn't helping my situation. I let go a mixture of brown and white into the toilet that made me lose any appetite I might have had for lunch! He was still chuckling when I came out of the bathroom. "Everything come out okay?" he snickered. I shot him the bird and said, "Grow up!" But I was laughing too. "And based on what I just saw -- you better clean up too!" "Great idea. Wanna join me in the shower?" I really didn't. "Sure." I said. "A hot shower might thaw me out a bit." I'm sure he must have heard my lack of enthusiasm. When we got in there, he let me stand under the hot water for a long time, before he got a wash cloth wet and started to wash me. He was very gentle as he washed my chest and face, and a little more aggressive when he got to my back. When he got down to the bottom of my back, he more or less caressed my glutes with the soapy wash cloth, and then my legs. He saved my tender anus for last. He was looking directly into my eyes as he gingerly wiped at that sensitive opening. I saw love in his eyes. I was afraid. I didn't want love right now -- not from him. I decided to interpret it as concern. "You okay?" He asked cautiously. "Yeah." "Still missing your boy?" "Yeah." He then rinsed the cloth and started to rinse me off. He softly ran his hand over almost my whole body. When he came to my dick, he stroked it a few times. When it didn't respond, he knelt and took it in his mouth. He kneaded the softness until it filled with blood and then he worked it with his mouth until I started to gasp. He swallowed it all, and kept sucking until I was soft again. We got out and dried off in silence. When we were ready to leave the bathroom he said, "NOW we're even." "Okay." I said. I know he was disappointed, but I couldn't pretend. "Do you want - - me to -- take you home?" He asked. I felt bad because I had already told him I would stay the day with him. "Not - - um -- no. Just -- well, maybe let's go a little slower. I'm not sure I'm ready for this." "I'm sorry. Was I rushing you?" He said lamely. He knew he was. "I -- really do understand. I guess I'm just further along in my -- well, grieving process. I'll let you have some time. Are you ready to eat some lunch?" "I'm not hungry. Would you mind if I went for a walk -- by myself -- on the beach?" "Not at all." He said. " I'll just fix myself a sandwich while you walk." "Thanks." I said. I walked back down to where we just were. I walked south around the rocks onto the beach in front of Morty's place. I looked up and imagined I saw Ren up on the deck waving to me. I blinked and he was gone. I walked for about a ½ mile past, then walked back. I couldn't help looking up at Morty's, secretly hoping -- or wishing -- Ren really would appear. But he didn't. I walked back around the rocks and up into the hiding place that DeVon had shown me. I sat on a rock and stared at the other rocks. A tear trickled down my face. Then another. Soon I found myself sobbing and choking, not wanting to be heard. Why do I have to love him so much! I wanted the pain to go away -- but not to stop loving him. I couldn't imagine the emptiness that I would feel if I lost that. When I walked back into the house, DeVon took one look and rushed to me. He led me to the couch and sat down, pulling me down with him. He pulled my head down to his chest. He had a very soft sweater on and he felt warm. "You're safe. I won't try anything more. I'm so sorry I pushed you. Just relax." I did just that. I relaxed on his chest. I got his sweater wet, but he didn't mind. He felt warm and comforting this time. He stroked my head and shoulders, but nothing else. I didn't fall asleep, but I was so relaxed. "It really will get better." He told me. He droned on about other things that I only half heard, but it still comforted me. Suddenly the front door burst open. "OH! Sorry!" Said a very cute smaller, younger version of DeVon. I quickly sat up straight. "I didn't mean to -- I mean -- er -- I'm sorry!" He stammered. "Uhhh - This is my little brother, Marcus. Marcus, this is Lenny." DeVon said frowning at his brother. He strode over and extended his hand. His smile brightened the room. I was worried about how my face must look, but he didn't seem to notice. I stood and took his hand. It was cold from him just coming from outside, but the warmth from his eyes made up for it. "Excellent to meet you, Dude! DeVon has told me so much about you!" "He has? He hardly knows me." I thought. "Nice to meet you, Marcus." I smiled. On second look, he looked like DeVon's brother, but not really like Devon all that much. His lips were much larger and his hair curlier. All his features were more "black" in nature -- as was his skin. His skin was a very dark brown. His cheeks were rosy, even through the dark skin. His teeth were perfect. His nose was small -- like DeVon's. His hair was cropped fairly short. He was skinnier than DeVon, and about 1/2" taller. "I'm sorry," DeVon started, "I knew Marc was coming. I just didn't expect he'd come barging in like that." "I ALWAYS come in like that!" Marcus said, grinning. "Cute guy, by the way!" he said looking directly at me. "Someone like that could get me to settle down!" "Stop flirting, Marco-Polo!" DeVon said. "And he's not my guy!" "I didn't say he was!" Marcus said. DeVon opened his mouth -- then closed it. "Oh! Heh!" DeVon turned red. "Soooo," Marcus said, "is he fair game?" "Hey!" I said, even though I was also beet red. "I'm sitting right here, guys!" They both looked at me. Then Marcus walked directly away from me, and walked out the door. KNOCK KNOCK! DeVon opened the door. Marcus walked directly to me. He waved at DeVon on the way by. He reached me and stopped suddenly, grabbing my hand. Hi! I'm DeVon's brother. His NORMAL brother. And you must be - - -?" "Lenny." I played along. He then pulled me into a hug and kissed me on the mouth! I was dumbstruck! My eyes flew open! I froze, but quickly thawed and when I did, I found myself closing my eyes and hungrily kissing him back. When I did that, it seemed to give him permission to go further. He grabbed my butt and pulled me into his body. I was taken so off-guard, but my body answered him with a hardening of my groin. He then ground his into mine, and he moaned. I answered his moan! "Er -- uh -- shall I -- uh - " DeVon stammered. "go into the other room?" "Better yet, maybe Lenny and I should walk down the beach a little ways." I found myself nodding. I also found myself checking to see if this was a dream. It wasn't! As soon as we were out the door, he said, "I'm afraid this will sound like a line or something, but --- I've been looking for you!" "Huh?" "Really. I always knew someone was out there just for me. I think it's you." "Whew! That kind of puts the pressure on me now, doesn't it?" I finally said. "Pressure?" "To perform -- up to the standard of your -- your -- expectations." "That's all the expectation I ever had. That a guy would someday -- somehow -- just take my breath away." "Sorry." I said. "I didn't' mean to take your breath away. Can I give you mouth to mouth?" "If you don't, I'm afraid I'll die!" He answered. As I enclosed him in my arms, I closed my eyes and I expected to wake up any minute. "OW!" I said. "OH! Was that YOU I pinched?" Marcus said. "I meant to pinch me! I was sure I must be dreaming." "Wow!" I said, shaking my head. "What?" He said. "Nothing." I said. But I was thinking 1000 words a minute. Where did this dreamy kid come from? Why was I going along with this? Was I eventually going to wake up and be in my bed beside Ren? Why didn't it cause me any pain to think of Ren? What must DeVon be thinking? Why wasn't I more concerned about that? "So -- Lenny -- you're 19, huh?" He said. "Don't look so surprised. DeVon really did tell me about you." "When?" I asked, bewildered. About an hour and a half ago. He said you went for a walk or something? And he said that he thought we would get along." "DeVon said that?" "Yup! He said that he felt like an old man when you were with him." "Awww! I didn't want him to feel that way!" I said. "How -- how old are you?" "How old do you think I am?" "I hate this game." I said, stepping back to get a better look. "Uhhh -- about -- 21?" "Nope! 28!" He said beaming. "Well, I was thinking I was a little low, but -- not that low! You're just barely younger than your brother." "Only in years, baby boy! Only in years. Is that a problem?" "Heh! Your brother asked me that same question about a week ago. I said no problem to him, too." "Was he pressing you as hard as I am?" "Are you pressing me? What for?" "For a chance." He said, suddenly serious. "I know this must sound crazy to you. But I have been looking a long time for someone -- like -- you. Ever since - -" he got a far away look in his eye. "Ever since - - ?" I echoed. "Five years ago next Tuesday -- my -- lover -- was killed." My heart jumped into my throat. "Look," I started, "I can't be a replacement for - " "I know." He said to the ground. "And I don't expect you to compete with a ghost. All I was saying was - - I've been alone all this time." "Alone?" "Yeah -- no boyfriend -- no dates. It may not seem like it to you, but DeVon and I are very close. We know each other very well. I know he was worried about me. And he -- he knew that I would -- like you." "When you say, no dates -- you mean - " "Yeah. No dates. No sex. No - " "I wasn't asking that. I mean, you never met anyone that you wanted to get to know better?" "I may have if I'd gotten out more. I know it seems to you that DeVon is shy compared to me. What you're seeing today has been hidden for the last 5 years. So -- I understand you have just had a pretty sorry breakup. But - - can you just give me a chance?" "I have to tell you the truth." I said. "This is the first time that I have almost forgotten Rennie. That's my guy -- er ex. But - - I'll ask you the same thing I did your brother. Can we take it slow?" "Oh. Well - - sure. Uh -- what was it DeVon was pressing you for?" "You really want me to answer that?" "Sex! It was sex wasn't it?" "I wanted -- no -- needed something -- to soothe -- calm me down. It was too early for him to know me well enough to- um -- counsel me as a friend. So the sex was -- comforting -- and exciting -- for me." "Can I ask you something?" He said. I nodded. "Well, - it `s -- um -- I want to take that slow too -- if you don't mind. Sex was something very special to Chang and me. I want it to be for us -- if we get that far." He must have caught a look in my eye when he added that last part. "So let me get this straight." I said. "You want to press me for a `chance' as you put it,. But -- you don't want me to press you for sex. Is that it? Sooooo -- in the mean time, I could be doing your brother -- that is until you decide it's time for us?" He pointed at me. "You're pretty good at this aren't you?" "What?" I said innocently. "Fucking with my mind. YOU are a PRO!" "I am? I wasn't -- trying to - " "Then you're a natural! That's even better. We should get along just fine." I felt out of control. I didn't like that feeling. Shit! Was I becoming my own dad? He's such a control freak. I didn't like it when I felt that Ren was trying to control me with money. Now this kid -- well not kid, but he seems like it -- seems to be in control right from the start. Even DeVon -- he took control sexually. That's what it was that made me uncomfortable! I don't like relinquishing control. I just realized that. "Are you okay, man?" "Yeah. I am. And -- yeah, I'd like to go slow -- and -- give you a chance! But I have to warn you -- I'm not over my ex yet. And - -" "- - and?" "Uh -- I don't like -- being controlled." "Wow!" "What?" "That's pretty up front. It's good to know that -- up front." "I just realized it myself!" "Cool!" "Wow!" I said it this time. "What?" "Your eyes." "What about them?" "They're blue! I mean DARK blue. At first I thought they were brown -- then I decided they were black. But standing here now -- they look dark blue!" "They ARE black. They pick up whatever color of light is coming in. You are seeing sky reflected in them." "Beautiful!" I said before I could catch myself. "Thanks!" He replied. "Uh -- you never gave me that mouth to mouth you promised!" "You pinched me!" "Oh yeah, I did. Well- - ? I pulled him in once again and we kissed -- lightly at first, then deeply and passionately. "Your brother and I had an agreement." I said. "Just friends -- for now." "So let me get this straight," he said, mocking me, "You were fucking my brother -- just as friends -- right?" We both laughed. Then I said, "I was vulnerable. Still am, by the way." "Is that a proposition?" "Not really. Just -- well, let's say -- I'm open." I said. "Cool. Me too. Friends? But slow -- right?" He answered. "Slow!" We spent most of the afternoon walking on the beach, kicking the cold sand with our toes, and talking. We told each other a lot about our former lovers. Well -- my ex and his late -- lovers. I don't know what would be worse. I know for now that Marcus has the closure of death. I still wonder -- wonder -- will Ren change? Will he grow up? Will he decide he CAN control himself? And when he does -- will it be too late? Well, obviously I'm not over him yet. I'd never wish him dead but - - that would end all the wondering, wouldn't it?" When we came back to DeVon's, he had some chili cooking in a pot. He had made corn bread, and some rice. He smiled when we walked in. "Well, you guys are still smiling. I guess that's a good sign!" Marcus walked over to his brother and hugged him and whispered something in his ear. Made me wish I had a brother! Made me miss my parents -- a lot! "Do your parents know you're gay?" I asked. "We don't talk about that." DeVon said. It's kinda like, `don't ask, don't tell'. They must be wondering, I guess, since neither of us dates -- as far as they know." "So - - they are like -- homophobic?" "I dunno. We just don't discuss it." "Do your parents know?" Asked Marcus. "Yes!" I said bitterly. "Oh! So they know, but they don't like it, huh?" "They kicked me out." "That just doesn't make sense to me!" DeVon said, as he put 3 bowls of chili on the table. "Why would parents be so bitter about that?" "And yet you still won't tell your parents!" I said. "Don't get me wrong. I don't blame either of you. My friend Mr. Smith told me that dads tend to blame themselves when their boys are gay. So since they can't deal with that kind of self-incrimination, they project that blame onto the gay son -- or the mother." "That doesn't make sense either!" DeVon said. Do your parents think you chose to be gay? DID you?" "No! Who would choose to be made fun of, ridiculed and abused -- on purpose? But they -- the dads -- don't understand that. So they first blame themselves. And that makes them crazy - apparently! Or something like that." "How do you feel about adopting?" Marcus asked. "I can't imagine growing up without a mom." I said. "Didn't you tell me that `Jake the Jock' Smith has kids?" DeVon said. "Yeah. They were from an orphanage in the Ukraine. But you know what Mr. Smith told me?" "What?" Both guys said. Not only Jake, but Rob and Seth, his friends -- all have kids. But they have hired nannies -- and the nannies they hired are -- their real moms!" "That's just strange!" DeVon said. "But it makes a lot of sense. It was Rob's idea. The dads were killed in a war, and the mom's could not care for their children, so they took them to an orphanage. Then when the guys adopted the kids, they brought the moms to take care of them. But Rob had lots of money!" "How do you know this Rob?" "We met because we had a mutual friend -- Seth. And when Seth was in the hospital -- a stroke or something -- Rob was sent to pick me up -- because Seth in a coma and was asking for me. Anyway, we had to wait for awhile and we parked -- and I kissed him." "You kissed who?" "Rob." "But I thought that this Ren character was your first boyfriend." I at once felt defensive. "He was, but this was not - " "Did you kiss this Rob while you were dating Ren?" "NO! I mean - " Now I really was defensive. "We were seeing each other, but -- we weren't together -- exactly." Why did I feel backed into a corner? I looked at each of them. They didn't look threatening. I was feeling guilty all on my own. I wonder if Ren - - but no! He said I got one mistake -- and he more than used his `one' up! And more importantly -- why was I worried about my ex while these two gorgeous guys were standing in front of me. One had fucked me -- the other -- well, he wanted to -- someday -- maybe. "Sometimes you just flat-out leave the room, don't you, Lenny?" I shook my head. "No! What?" I did leave the room -- mentally at least. "Yeah -- I was somewhere else. Sorry." "Rennie?" Marcus said. I looked down at the floor. "Yeah." "It's okay, guy. I understand!" He said, and he just put his arm across my shoulder and squeezed the other shoulder. "Do you need to see him?" "Yes. NO! Well, - maybe." I really don't want to face Rennie again. But obviously I have issues. "Take your time, Bro. Just not too much time, please." Said Marcus, with a crooked smile. "Do you want me to take you home now?" DeVon asked. I had told DeVon I would see him -- our first "real" date tonight. But that seemed to be off. And I hadn't made any such promise to Marcus. "Yeah. Thanks." As soon as I was in my own place, I dialed Ren's number. "Hullo?" "Ren?" "Lenneeeeeeee! HAIIIiiiiiiii!" "Uh -- are you -- high?" "NOoooo. It's just -- I didn't expect to be hearing from you. I'm so -- happy -- er -- should I be?" "(Sigh!) I don't know. That's why I'm calling." I had already thought this out. "Can you come over -- to talk a little?" "How about I pick you up and we come over here!" "No. I want to talk here." "Okay." He said sounding bewildered. "I'll be right -- you mean right now?" "Yeah. If you can." "I CAN! I'll be there in a few!" He sounded too excited. "Ren -- don't be too excited. I just need to know a few things." "Oh. Okay. See yah!" In five minutes he was at my door. I took my time answering, though I had seen him roll into the driveway and my heart was beating at double speed. "C'mon in!" I hollered from the kitchen. The door opened almost as if he thought it might be booby-trapped. He peeked in. "Lenny?" "Come in." I said, walking in from the kitchen. "Sit." He did as he was told. He looked up at me like a scolded dog. But he didn't say anything. Finally I said, "Well, I guess I invited you here, so I have to be the one to -- to -- say something." "I -- guess." He again spoke to the floor. I walked over and sat on the chair he was not in. Ren, I have another guy who wants to -- uh -- date me. I really like him a lot -- but I hardly know him. I just -- well -- guess I need to know -- if -- if we -- are -- through." He shrugged his shoulders. "Your choice, I guess." "That's all? I mean -- do you want it to end like that -- er -- this?" "I thought -- well -- that -- uh -- it was already, uh, ended." "Is it -- for you?" I asked. I looked into his eyes. It was obvious he wasn't high. "I dunno. I -- I'm afraid to say, I -- guess. I don't want it to be -- over. But I don't wanna get hurt again." "YOU don't want to get hurt?" I asked, sounding a bit more critical than I wanted. "Ren -- maybe you should -- I mean -- can you explain to me how you feel -- like you have been the one who was hurt -- here?" "I'm not sayin' it's your fault. It's not. I totally screwed up, Lenny. I just don't know what to think. I guess I thought you would be more -- um -- understanding -- or something." "Well - - that's why I'm here. It helps a lot that you -- um -- that WAS an apology -- right?" He nodded slightly. "Okay. Well, in that case -- I'm sorry for -- um -- whatever misunderstanding -- or -- er -- however I screwed up!" "You didn't. I did." He said. "I just wasn't prepared for you to come -- I mean, I never expected to see you -- again." "Well, it surprised me when it occurred to me that -- it was my new friend -- his name is Marcus -- who flatly told me I needed to get straight with you -- before he and I could really proceed." "He -- this Marcus -- was a boyfriend?" "Not really. Not - - yet." "So -- does this mean you're coming back to -- me -- or -- what?" "Actually," I got bolder now, "Actually, maybe we should try it the way Uncle Jake suggested in the first place. Let's start dating -- like new. We never did that!" His face broke out in a smile. "Did you know," he whispered, "that I have been watching you since 9th grade?" I giggled and we started talking a mile a minute. He told me that everything seemed to hit at once when we moved out of the big house. Even though no one was there to monitor him and tell him what he had to do, he still felt like their ghosts or something were watching him. In the new place he sort of was finally free -- well -- for the first time in his life. "No, really dude! It like, went to my head. I was free to do whatever I wanted. I totally went wild!" "I know." "Oh. Sorry. Yeah I know. I- I'm -- so -- um -- I'm sorry I hurt you. I think I know how you felt though -- these last few days." "What about the last few days?" "Fucked up! It was like I was in hell or something. I wanted to kill myself, but I couldn't! Can you understand?" He just looked at me and knew I did understand. "Sorry." I could feel the tension like it was a thick fog in the air. Not sexual tension. It was -- I think we both wanted to say "it", but neither could. So we left it at that. "I think maybe you better go now. I think we both need to -- think about what just happened. And think if that's what we want." "Okay." He aid, subdued. "But -- I already know -- it's what I want. See yah." He walked out the door. I turned off the lights in the room and stepped over to the window. He walked slowly to his -- my -- car. He opened the door, then looked up directly at me. I know he couldn't see me, because it was dark. He had tears in his eyes. Of course that made me reciprocate. "I love you, Ren!" There! I said it! Notes. Well, are we back to square one? No, only where our boys have taken us. Comments may be mailed to Steve at s4d@hotmail.com. Thanks and love, Steve Bottom line: Love will Rule in the end.