Date: Thu, 22 Jan 2004 12:48:19 -0800
From: Steve Thomas <s4d@hotmail.com>
Subject: Leonards-Lust - Ch. 17

This is a fictional story. It is based on many experiences and fantasies
of the authors. If you are really into graphic sex, it may not satisfy
your purpose for coming here. If you like to hear of real love and real
teen angst, with a little sex thrown in, you are in the right place.
There may be some amount of graphic sex between males. If this is
objectionable to you, or you are legally too young to be here, you are
cordially invited to press your back button.


Cast of Characters:


Leonard Kirk Harston (Lenny)

Lawrence Olivier Goodwin (Rennie)

Mrs. Harston, Lenny's mom

Mr. Harston, Lenny's dad

Mr. Goodwin, Rennie's dad

Mrs. Goodwin, Rennie's mom

Joy -- Rennie's older sister

Jennifer -- Rennie's younger sister

Bobby -- Joy's husband

Seth -- Lenny's friend

Luke -- Seth's lover

Chris -- Seth's Brother

Criag -- Chris's lover

Jake Smith -- Seth and Chris's cousin.

Colin -- Jake's husband & Bobby's brother

Morty -- Rennie's Cousin

Ursula -- Jake & Colins daughter

Uri -- Jake and Colin's son

Carrie -- Jake's sister

Uncle Jake -- Jake's dad

Aunt Lindy -- Jake's mom

Renate -- The Goodwin's housekeeper

Etta -- the Smith's housekeepe

Shelley -- Friend at University

DeVon -- Shelley's cousin

Marcus -- DeVon's brother

Arthur -- A team leader at the shelter

George - Ren's tennant


From Chapter 16:

"Lenny -- I -- don't quite know how to say this" Ricky said, "but --
I think you need me -- now -- and," he hesitated only a moment. "And
I definitely need you!"

"I -- I don't understand." I said, woodenly.

"I just can't be with him -- Ty -- right now." He said shakily. "And
I don't wanna -- well actually I'm afraid of being alone. Can I come
with you?" He seemed like a little boy.

"Of course!" I said. "Let's go home!" I was not a happy boy.

Chapter 17

We grabbed the bus and were home in a half hour. The bus was crowded, so
we didn't chat much. But it gave me a chance to just watch -- and look
at -- him. He was a shy guy, turned red every time I caught him looking
at me.

As red as he got, it could never be as red as his lips. They were
delicious looking. Well, I had already discovered that they actually
WERE delicious! His face -- when not red -- was very fair skinned, and
clear of any scars or marks of any kind. The hair above his lips was
very fine and barely visible, as was that on his arms. His hair was a
dirty blond color, and looked like it needed cutting -- about 2 months
ago. But I decided I liked it that way.

He followed me off the bus. As we walked up the drive and into the
courtyard at the Smith's, we were met by Etta. "Hel-ooo cutie boy.
Pretty friend you got!" Now it was I who turned red!

"Etta -- um -- do you think - "

"I awreddy tell da boss dat you gonna hab a fren'. Dey wanna talk with
you."

I had learned not to question how Etta knew such things. She ordered us
to be at dinner with the Smiths at 7:00. Ricky and I said thanks and ran
up the stairs and into the flat. When the door closed behind us, I
almost fell against it and started to giggle.

"What was that about?" Ricky said, looking bewildered.

"Get used to it. "Etta seems to have -- um -- some kind of natural
knowing of things -- before they happen -- or something."

"Yeah -- like I believe in voodoo!"

"No -- really! I don't know how she does it, but -- well, she just
does."

"So what was it she said out there?"

"That she knew you were coming -- and -- that she already told the
Smith's -- that's the folks who own this place -- that you would be
staying with me -- for awhile."

"Shee-yit! I didn't even know that! Am I?"

"Apparently." I shrugged. Where's your stuff -- I mean how far away
is -- er -- was -- your place?"

"It's just south of the beach where we met you."

"You mean -- I mean -- um -- is it within walking distance -- I mean --
er -- how much stuff do you have?"

"Actually quite a lot. More than we can carry.

"Carrie! That's it! She has an SUV."

"She?"

"Carrie! She is the Smith's daughter. She and her partner live in the
house with her parents."

"Wow! Cool parents! She has a partner -- and they let him stay
there?"

"They let HER stay there -- and yes, they're gay too. Seems that's
all the Smiths seem to be blessed with. Wait `til you find out the
whole story!"

"I can't wait. What time were we supposed to be at dinner?"

"7:00 PM. And with Etta -- that's 7:00 PM sharp!"

"Dude! I've got nothing clean to wear!"

"Well, 7:00 is 3 hours away. We'll think of something."

Vrooom! Vroom!

I ran to the window. It was Rennie's car. But -- it was NOT Rennie!
How many times can I feel this stabbing pain in my heart? Ty got out of
the car and ran up the steps. I opened the door. He stepped in and
said, "These are for you." He handed me the keys to the Miata.
"Rennie says these are yours."

I was speechless. Literally! I was about to attempt to speak and he
handed me an envelope. "Gotta go pardner! Rennie's waiting." My
heart stopped. Waiting where? He jumped out the door and closed it
behind him. I ran back to the window. All this time Ricky was standing
behind me, glaring at Ty. He joined me at the window. I saw him run out
of the courtyard and then saw his car -- with him and Ren in it -- speed
off.

I turned and collapsed into the nearest chair. I felt like such a fool!
I started to cry -- right there in front of Ricky! I also felt stupid.
How many times had Rennie tried to tell me -- I should have known. Was
it because we were too young? Was it because we were so different --
came from such diverse backgrounds?

As I was musing on all this -- and still crying softly -- I became aware
of Ricky stroking my head. "It'll be okay dude -- really."

"I know. I KNOW!" I started. "But in the mean time it feels like --
shit!"

"I can't imagine." He said. He stopped stroking my forehead. "Come
over here. He gently pulled me up by the hand. He sat on the couch and
motioned for me to lie down with my head on his lap.

He resumed stroking my head and also my face. This brought out even more
emotion. He wiped my tears, closed my eyes, and hummed a little tune. I
started sobbing in huge gulps. He stroked my head, and hair, and just
kept humming. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He looked so
concerned. He seriously looked like he felt my pain too. He half lay
down and pulled me up to where I was lying on his chest, and held me that
way for a long time, continuing to stroke my head.

"Thanks." I whispered in his ear.

"I -- um -- really don't have a clue what to do." He whispered back.

"Whatever you're doing -- it's perfect." I smiled through my tears.
He stroked my face again so gently. "MMMmmm!" Was all I could say.

"You're crumpling up the envelope." He said.

"What?" I retorted.

"The envelope -- that my cousin gave you."

"Oh -- Ty!" I said.

"I don't even wanna say his name!" he said bitterly.

"Ricky -- he's your only relative here."

"He's no relative of mine! No one close to me would do anything that
scummy!"

"No! that's not right! Ricky, I -- *sob* -- was recently disowned by
my parents. SIGH! You need to forgive him -- he's all you got right
now."

"I got you, don't I"

I hesitated longer than I wanted to. "It's -- not the same. He's
family. I saw the way you guys looked at each other when we first met.
He has needs -- or something -- and if I don't blame him -- and I don't
-- then you should be able to forgive him."

"I know I will -- in time -- but -- well, sometimes he just really
pisses me off!"

"So this isn't the first time?"

"Duh! The first time was when I thought I was in love with him. I know
he was right about us being cousins and all -- I think -- but - - - he
was just an ass hole about it. I got over it though. And I will again.
I just need to hate him for awhile -- to make sense of these feelings I
am having for you!"

"What?" I was stunned by that! "What -- oh, never mind." I didn't
want to press him. And I wasn't sure I wanted to hear his explanation.
Apparently he was glad I let him off that easy too. But there was still
an awkward pause. Finally he said,

"So- - are you gonna open it?"

"What?" I said.

"The envelope -- in your HAND, dude!"

"OH!" I sat up and shakily opened the envelope. It had "Lenny"
written in Ren's messy handwriting.

Dear Lenny,

 I'm so sorry to hurt you like this. I really am. I
cried and cried when you left this morning. I really do love you."

I saw it coming before I read it!

"But I don't think we will ever make it. I have such a feeling for
this guy! I just have to be with him. I know you hate me now. Please
don't hate me forever. I will always love "that guy in the band"!
Please also take the enclosed token. I call it a token because it is
just the start. You KNOW I can afford almost anything. Ty doesn't know
this yet. But I hope it will be soon when I feel comfortable telling
him. Lenny -- I feel responsible for what happened between you and your
`rents. You will never have to worry about money, Lenny. I really do
still love you. The money is folded in the pink slip for the car. I
always meant it to be your's. You knew that!

I love you, Bro! I hope we can still be friends -- forever! Love, Ren"

I looked up at Ricky. "He wants to be friends."

"Ooooo, goody!" He said sarcastically. "So -- will you be?"

"I -- I don't know. If I can ever get over loving him -- maybe. It's
not as if this is something new."

"He's done this before?"

"Yes. NO! Not exactly. Before -- at least I wanted to believe -- he
was stoned. And I have to admit -- well, never mind."

"What? Never mind? No! I DO mind! What were you going to admit?"
He smiled as he said it.

"Even -- well, I mean -- I was -- you -- er -- well, - AHEM! Even when
he was right there in the room, I saw him lusting after your cousin."

"I thought so! I saw it too!"

"But - "

"But?" He demanded, still grinning.

"Well, I mean -- um -- if you saw him lusting after Ty -- you mean you
didn't see me?"

"See you? You were right there! Of course I saw you! What are you --
huh? What? You were looking at me?" I nodded. We both turned red.
"No way!"

"Way!"

"What else's in the envelope?" He asked.

"Just the pink slip to my car. And some money."

"Oh. That's nice." He said. What he didn't say -- but it was
obvious he was curious about -- was "how much?"

I didn't even know that myself. I unfolded the pink to count it. No
need to count. It was a neatly folded $1000 bill. Ricky gawked at it.
Well, actually so did I. I'd never seen one before.

"Wow!" he remarked. "A hundred?"

"Nope!" I put it closer to his eyes.

"No shit!? Never seen one of those!"


"Me neither."

BBRRIINNGG!

I answered the phone. "Lenny?" It was Ren.

"Yeah." I answered woodenly.

"Did you read my letter?"

"Yeah."

"What'd yah think?"

"What did you expect me to think? That this would make everything
okay?"

"No. Len, I feel like shit. I really do."

"Then you know a small part of how I feel. I appreciate -- I guess --
the -- stuff -- but I can't accept - "

"Lenny -- the car was ALWAYS yours. And the money -- well -- DUDE! I
-- I mean -- as I said, I love you. Someday we will forget - "

"Right now I don't feel like I'll ever forget how I feel right now."
I said.

"Boy, you're really making this hard -- AND THAT'S OKAY! I deserve
it, I guess. But hear me out, Dude. I know you can find a use for the
loot. Don't -- as my dad said -- cut off your nose and spite your
face."

I knew he was right, but right now I wasn't feeling like I wanted to
make him feel better. I sure didn't. "Rennie, can I ask you
something?"

"Sure, Dude -- anything!"

"Can you come back over here and say goodbye in person? You say you
love me - - then maybe you can show me. Poor Ricky is trying to make me
feel better, but maybe a hug from you -- would -- um -- help."

"I wanted to come up -- so much -- when we brought the car. But -- I
guess I just couldn't face you. I was sure you hated me." I broke
down crying. "Oh, baby, please don't -- I'll be right there!"

Five minutes later he was knocking at the door. I had stopped crying,
but one look at him and my eyes filled up again. He looked so forlorn.
I spoke first. "How could EVER think I could hate you?"

"I -- guess we react in different ways, dude. I hated you when I saw
you two together." He said.

"I never learned to react that way -- I guess." I said. I was just
hurt -- no -- devastated." When I said that, tears filled HIS eyes.

"Len -- I never WANTED to hurt you! I still feel the same as I ever did
about you. I DO love you. I -- I just -- I now know that what I felt --
even though it is love -- is not enough. Your body excited me. Your
sweet spirit sweetened my life. But Ty -- he just, I don't know -- kind
of -- completes me -- or something. I know. Sounds corny to me too!"

"Are you gonna hug me good bye?" I asked, avoiding his eyes.

"No. I'm going to hug you `I love you!' If its good bye then
that's your call. I really want to be friends." I looked up into his
eyes. He was waiting for me to accept what he said. I nearly jumped
into his embrace. His head on my chest, he started to choke, then to
sob. I cried too. Is this what breaking up is supposed to be like? I
didn't know. I never did it before. I just assumed one person fell out
of love and the other didn't. I guess I have a lot to learn. He
mumbled something. I thought I understood it, but I had to ask.

"What?"

"I love you so much, Dude! This hurts me -- more than I imagined." He
said, haltingly. "I have to be with Ty, but -- O GOD! I wish it could
be both of you!"

We cried together once more before he craned his neck up and kissed me on
the mouth. I closed my eyes and kissed him back -- passionately.
"I'll always love you, Rennie."

"I'll always love you too, Len. Really. Friends?"

"<<SIGH>>!! Yeah."

I still didn't feel like -- just friends -- but what could I say? He
left my embrace almost unwillingly, and walked over to the door. We
locked eyes once more for an eternity. Then he was out the door. Even
though I was feeling numb, I went to the window. He walked painfully
slowly down the stairs, got into Ty's car. I was sure that I saw him
crying as he drove off. I turned and Ricky was right there behind me, so
I fell into his arms. I am so much bigger that I'm surprised he was
able to carry me to the bedroom.

Well, I actually walked, but without Ricky's help, I think I would still
be on that floor. He gently lay me on my bed, then covered me up. Then
he sat on the floor and resumed his stroking of my head. Poor guy -- he
didn't know what else to do. I invited him up onto the bed. We fell
asleep, him holding me.

BBRRIINNGG!

"Hello?"

"Hel-oo bay-bee." It was Etta. "Etta know you need wake up for
dinner. Don't be late, kay-eee?"

"Okay. Thanks!"

"Who was it?" Ricky asked.

"Etta. She called to wake us up."

"How did she - "

"I told you, man -- she just knows!" I shook my head.

"What am I gonna wear?" Ricky said, panicky.

"What you have on."

"But they're all wrinkled!"

"Trust me -- they won't care." I wasn't as confident as I sounded.
I walked over to the closet and walked in to find myself something. As I
was trying to decide what I could wear that wouldn't make him look
ridiculous, I was staring at a pair of black jeans -- Ren's Jeans!
"DUDE!"

"What?!" He hollered back.. I threw him the pants and then saw the
grey casual shirt that Ren wore with those jeans. I chose some blues for
me, with a white Ralph Lauren Polo shirt Ren had gotten me.

"Thanks!" Ricky said. He was a little stouter than Ren, so the
stretch jeans were a bit tighter than Ren wore them. He had a very
nicely shaped little package in there, and that could not be hidden. But
with the shirt on the outside -- as he chose to wear it -- it wasn't too
obvious.

On the way down, I explained to him that the Smiths liked to be called
either by the first name -- or Aunt Lindy and Uncle Jake. "So, what do
I call them when I meet them?"

"I'd say -- Mr. and Mrs. Smith!" I laughed for the first time in
recent memory.

"So -- why did they want us for dinner?" He asked.

"Thanks!" I said sarcastically, as I came back to reality. "I don't
know. All I'm banking on is that I know the Smiths are very nice
people."

We entered the house through the kitchen door as I had been accustomed.
"Hello, Bay-bee!" Said Etta, her back turned to the stove.

"Hello, Leonard." Aunt Lindy said. I froze. Then I decided to make
the best of this opportunity.

"Good evening Mrs. Smith." I said with my sweetest smile. She froze.

"Mrs. Smith is it now?" She challenged.

"Leonard is it now?" I retorted.

"Touché!" She said. "Okay, Lenny -- then!"

"Hi Aunt Lindy! This is my friend, Ricky."

"Hello Ricky!" Aunt Lindy said.

Ricky looked from her to me and back at her. I could tell what was
happening inside his head. "What do I call her now -- after all that
confab!"

He said in his thickest Oklahoma drawl, "Pleased to meetcha, Ma'am!"

I almost giggled out loud.

"Boy, Mom, that must make you feel ancient!" It came from behind us.
I turned and Carrie was standing at the dining room door.

"You leave this boy alone, Carrie! The way he says it, I feel
honored!"

"Obviously, this is Carrie." I said. "Carrie, this is Ricky."

"Hi Ricky!"

"Pleased to meetcha, Ma'am!" He said as if he didn't hear a word we
had said.

"OOOO! That does make a girl feel special, doesn't it?!" She
quipped. Ricky turned scarlet. She continued. And this is my friend
Al." Al wasn't down the stairs yet, and I was hoping that Ricky
remembered that Carrie was a lezzy.

With out missing a beat, as soon as she was in view, Ricky said,
"Pleased to meetcha, Ma'am!"

Of course Al towered over Ricky. She came directly over and firmly
shook his hand. Then she turned and gave me a very warm hug. "Pleased
to meet you too Sir! Ricky!" Ricky beamed at that. "My old
boyfriend was from the south and he knew how to treat a girl too!"

"Uh -- that was MY boyfriend!" Carrie said. Then they both laughed. I
knew they were referring to Rob, but I decided not to further confuse the
issue.

"Carrie -- we have a favor to ask." I said.

"Anything -- as long as I get a hug better than you gave Al!"

"That's an easy one!" I stepped to her and swept her into my arms and
pressed my body into hers, pulling her as close as possible.

She whispered in my ear, "Whew! If we weren't both gay, I could go
for some of THAT! That is if there were anything going on down there!"
I blushed. There wasn't!

"Okay! Can we use your SUV to carry Ricky's stuff from his motel room
to up my place?"

"Why don't you just use the Navigator! It's bigger!" Uncle Jake
said, walking in. I smiled widely.

"Uncle Jake, this is my friend, Ricky."

Uncle Jake strode to Ricky and grabbed his outstretched hand. Nice to
meet you Ricky!"

"Pleased to meetcha, Suh!"

"Oh another southerner -- and a gentleman at that! Etta tells me you
may be staying with us for a bit."

"Yessuh. Thank you suh!"

"Okay, now that the formalities are finished, please call me Jake -- or
Uncle Jake."

"Yessuh! Uh, Jake!"

"You can let him have the room to your right, Lenny. Save the big one
for Jake and Colin and their kids."

"There's another Jake?" Ricky asked.

"My son is also Jake. That's why - "

"I get it -- Uncle Jake!" Said Ricky immediately.

The Smith's seemed to take an immediate liking to Ricky. He was shy at
first, but quickly seemed to fit right in to their balls-out type of
communication. It made me a little nervous -- probably because of how I
was so quickly being drawn to him.

After Dinner, we took the Navigator to his motel. Ty was there -- by
himself -- watching TV. Ricky still was pretty cold to Ty.

"Thought you'd be moved outa here by now!"

"Me? Where would I go?"

"Over to your `new friend's' place."

"New friend?"

"You know exactly who I'm talking about!" Ricky snarled. "Lenny's
boyfriend!" Ricky cast an apologetic glance at me.

"We didn't hit it off so good." Ty said, without emotion. That
wasn't what Rennie had told me. Could they have had a falling out this
soon? I took a deep breath. Then I let it out slowly, but forcefully.
Hope sprang through my body like a bolt of lightning. Then a despair
washed over me that almost made me puke. Then that familiar aching
throbbed in my chest. I felt light headed, like I would pass out. I
WANTED to pass out.

Ricky looked at me and looked like he was about to cry FOR me. He glared
at his cousin, then said, C'mon Lenny, let's get my stuff!"

"What?" Ty said

"I'm moving to Lenny's place!" Ricky said.

"WHAT!!??" Ty hollered. "I thought we were a team -- you and me! I
thought -- what about - "

"YOU fucked that up -- messing with my friend's boyfriend!" Ricky
yelled. I felt really like I didn't want to be here.

"OH! And so now YOU are moving in with him!!??" Ty yelled even
louder. "What does that make you!!??"

Ricky turned to face his cousin. He lowered his voice, and squinted his
eyes. "I'm not moving in to his bedroom, ass hole. Just into his
apartment. And I'm just his friend -- for now!" A quick glance at me
said a world to me. I was really beginning to respect this boy.

"Ricky! Please! You can't leave me alone! I don't wanna be
alone!" He actually looked scared now. "I told your momma I'd look
out after you!"

"Yeah, nice job you're doing -- nice EXAMPLE you're setting!" Ricky
countered.

I didn't have any close cousins. It broke my heart to see these guys
fighting like this. Along with my former trauma, it was all I could
take. I just started crying!

Ricky ran to me. "I'm sorry, dude! I didn't mean to put you through
this!"

"Guys -- please don't fight! I feel like it's my fault!"

"Noooooo, dude! It's not!" He hugged me, pressing his face to my
chest. Then turning to Ty, he said, "Can't you see what you've done
to this boy?"

"Ricky," I said, not quite knowing what I was going to say, "Ricky-
it's not -- Ty!"

"I don't -- don't understand. What - -?" Ricky started.

I took a long slow breath in -- to calm myself -- and said, "I told you
that this is not the first time -- or even the second -- that Ren has
hurt me. It's not Ty. It's Ren who's hurting me. And you!"

"Me -- noooo, dude -- why me?"

"Ricky -- ANYONE can screw up. Ty was -- I dunno -- horny or maybe even
wanting something more -- anyway, IF he screwed up, that's all it was.
A screw up. That shouldn't make you act this way toward him."

"But, Lenny -- I -- I -- I just don't know what to say. I really like
you and - "

"But that has nothing to do with what went on between Ren and Ty. You
and I hit it off right from the start. So did Ren and Ty. Don't
totally blame Ty."

Ricky sat -- more like fell -- on the couch. He sat there staring into
space. "I don't understand. Dude! I was defending you!" He looked
at me with so much hurt on his face.

"I appreciate that you like me. I like you too -- a lot. I hope
that's been obvious. That's why I asked you to come stay with -- er --
at my place."

Ricky looked up at me like I was speaking a foreign language to him. I
reached for his hand. He gave it to me. I led him outside. Ty looked
on in bewilderment. I closed the door. As soon as we were outside, I
said, "I think maybe you should stay with Ty for now." Ricky looked
like I had just hit him -- and like he wanted to cry. "Really! We'll
still see each other, I promise. For one thing, I have decided that I
can't go back to Rennie -- not any more. I just can't do it any
longer. So -- I'd like to start dating you -- maybe -- if you want --
and I think that would work better if you didn't live in the next
room."

Ty looked like the rug just got pulled out from under him. ""I guess
if that's what you want." He said to the ground.

I put my hand under his chin and raised his face. "Do you have any
interest in -- seeing me -- I mean like -- dating?"

He looked like he was about to cry as he quietly whispered, "Yes."

"Then I think this is the way it needs to happen. Can you be okay with
that?"

"I -- I guess. It's just so -- disappointing. I really liked the
Smith's too."

"You'll still see them. Look, I moved in with Ren when we were only
17. Well, I was barely 18, but it was an eon ago -- or seems so. That
didn't work. We moved in together before we even started dating! How
many guys have you dated?"

"None." He Whispered.

"Accept for Ren -- me neither. Well, except for some dudes that only
wanted sex. Let's date, k?"

He looked up and half smiled. "K".

"Not only each other. Let's date each other -- and others."

"I -- I - " he got a sly smile on his lips. He looked me up and down.
"Damn! I was hoping to have sex with you!"

"You know what?" I started. "I've had sex with three guys. I love
sex! But I have learned this much. It really screws up the perception
of what my real feelings are. I don't plan to remain sex-less forever,
but I want to find something else first."

"Love?" he asked.

"I don't know. Something like that maybe. Can we go back in now? Are
you okay to tell Ty you'll stay with him? He looked pretty scared."

"<<SIGH!>> Okay."

When we came back in the door, Ty was sitting on the bed, staring blankly
at the wall. "Ty -- I -- I guess -- I'm st -- st -- staying." Ricky
said.

"St -- staying -- here?" he said hopefully.

"Yeah. Sorry I went over the hill there on yah."

Ty looked at me and tears welled up in his eyes. "Thanks -- dude!"

"I'm suddenly exhausted!" I said. "I think I better go."

"Lenny! Your clothes!" Ricky said.

"Keep them. Ren doesn't need them!" I said, as I closed the door.

I walked slowly to the Navigator and stepped in to it. I glanced at
their room. Ricky was standing there, his hand on the glass. I waved.
He waved back. I drove home slowly. I felt melancholy. I felt sad. I
still felt that ache in my chest -- my heart. But at the same time, I
felt good -- proud -- that maybe I saved a relationship between two
cousins.

I thought about all that had happened to me in the last year or two. I
met Seth and fell for him -- he never knew. Then I met Rennie -- or
actually I already knew him, but at his cousin's we were thrown
together. Dang! That seemed like an eternity ago.

I couldn't forget that day I kissed Rob! Man, he was hot! And Rennie.
Oh my god, I feel a hole in my life with him gone. A huge lump came up
in my chest as I thought about how much I loved -- LOVE -- that boy. I
parked the Navigator, and took the keys into the house. No words were
spoken. They already knew that he wasn't there, and I was glad that
they didn't ask for an explanation.

It was an effort dragging myself up the stairs. I guessed I forgot to
lock the door. I didn't care. I closed the door behind me. It was
dark in the living room, but not so dark that I couldn't easily see that
Ren was sitting on the couch. "Hi." He said.

"Hi." I said. "What are you doing here?" It was just a simple
question, not delivered in anger or spite.

"I - I'm not sure. That depends on you. -- on us."

"Rennie -- I want you to know that it's taking everything in me -- all
my energy -- to say this: There is no more us."

"I -- okay -- I was prepared for that -- as much as I could be. And I
know I deserve it."

"It has nothing to do with what you deserve. Did you deserve to lose
your whole family? Did you deserve to -- to -- be gay!?? It's more my
own sanity and self preservation that -- that makes me say that. I just
can't do it any more. On one hand I love you more than -- anything
else. On the other, I am not willing to kill myself -- and that would be
the next thing -- logically. I've gotta do something different. I'm
gonna start dating -- as we said before -- and -- and -- that's all."

"Will you -- I mean -- would you -- consider dating me?""

After a short, calculated hesitation, I said, "No. Not now at least. I
just tonight realized -- we're still teenagers. I just want to be a
normal teen for awhile."

"But -- but -- can't two normal teens date?"

"Ren -- no -- not you and I -- not now. Maybe later, but -- I don't
know -- it will have to be at my choosing -- the time line for all this.
I'm sorry! I KNOW you love me. I know this may be tearing you up as
much as it does me. But this is the way it has to be."

"Okay." He looked at me and smiled sadly. "As I said, I was prepared
for this -- really. But before I go, I have to tell you -- I love
you." A stab went into my heart. "and -- you're uncle Jake has
something he wants to discuss with you. Bye." He left quickly, before
he broke down. This time I didn't run to the window and watch him
leave. I plopped down on the couch. It occurred to me I was sitting in
the same spot he was. It was still warm. I leaned back, my neck
stretched over the couch back, and closed my eyes. My eyes were dry, but
the rest of my body was crying.


Notes. This is either "the end" or "an end" for Lenny and Ren. My
co-writer, Kenjamin, has returned and he has expressed a desire to maybe
write about Rennie and where he goes from here. If he does, I'll let
you know. As always, remarks may be sent to Steve at s4d@hotmail.com.
Please put Lenny in the subject line. Thanks and love, Steve