Date: Thu, 15 Apr 2004 10:27:23 -0700 From: Steve Thomas <s4d@hotmail.com> Subject: Leonards-Lust, Chapter 30 This is a fictional Story. . It is based on many experiences and fantasies of the author. If you are really into graphic sex, it may not satisfy your purpose for coming here. If you like to hear of real love and real teen angst, with a little sex thrown in, you are in the right place. There may be some amount of graphic sex between males. If this is objectionable to you, or you are legally too young to be here, you are cordially invited to press your back button. Cast of Characters: Leonard Kirk Harston (Lenny) Lawrence Olivier Goodwin (Rennie) Minnie Harston, Lenny's mom Randal Harston, Lenny's dad Mr. Goodwin, Rennie's dad Mrs. Goodwin, Rennie's mom Joy -- Rennie's older sister Jennifer -- Rennie's younger sister Bobby -- Joy's husband Seth -- Lenny's friend Luke -- Seth's lover Chris -- Seth's Brother Craig -- Chris's lover Jake Smith -- Seth and Chris's cousin. Colin -- Jake's husband & Bobby's brother Rob -- a Friend Denny -- Rob's husband Morty -- Rennie's Cousin Ursula -- Jake & Colins daughter Uri -- Jake and Colin's son Carrie -- Jake's sister Uncle Jake -- Jake's dad Aunt Lindy -- Jake's mom Renate -- The Goodwin's housekeeper Etta -- the Smith's housekeper Shelley -- Friend at University DeVon -- Shelley's cousin Marcus -- DeVon's brother Arthur -- A team leader at the shelter George - Ren's tennant Ty -- new friend from Oklahoma Ricky, Ty's cousin David - Toyota Dearlership owner Jason, waiter Suzanne -- Jason's wife Jamie Hocking -- A new friend from school Kevin -- Jamies brother Joe, Ernie and Bret -- Str8 (?) Friends James Hocking, Jamie's dad Esther Hocking -- Jamie's mom Tom Whatley -- Cop Ben, Tom's ex From Chapter 29: I went back and put on some slower music, and went back to my desk. Again I sat and opened the book. Words were all I saw. They had no meaning. I decided I needed a nap. I took off my clothes and climbed into the sheet. I was consumed by the smell of my lover in my bed and on my pillow. I had to pee, so I got up and padded to the toilet. I passed the mirror on the way. I looked at my skinny form. Hey! I wasn't that skinny any more. I turned sideways and noticed my flat stomach, and the shadow of a washboard. I made a note to work on those. When did I start looking like a man? I also made note of something else that was protruding proudly from below those abs. Not bad, Lenny -- not bad. God had not dealt poorly with me after all. Maybe he was just preserving me for - - for - - for what? I finished my task in the toilet and crawled back into my cool sheets. I closed my eyes and was almost asleep, when they sprang open again. I almost sprang out of bed and over to my chest of drawers. I opened the jewelry box and got out the ring. I felt the smooth shiny gold finish. I ran my finger over the large stone. I closed my eyes, and slipped it onto my left hand. A shiver went through me. I went back to bed and quickly fell asleep. My stomach growled me awake around 7:30 PM. I got up and ate some dinner, finished my studying with no trouble, and was sitting comfortably watching the news when his knock came at the door. "It's open," I yelled. Her came in and even in the dim light his eyes lit up. He saw it! He smiled as his wet eyes reflected the light in the room. He came over and knelt by the couch, taking my hand in his. "I will make sure that you never regret wearing this." He said, fingering my newest ring. "I love you so much!" "Ditto!" I said, and an overwhelmingly good feeling overcame me. He lay his head on my chest and sighed his relief, his joy, his happiness. I patted his back. You can imagine what came next, but let me say this much: It was the best I ever had! Chapter 30 With my decision to wear the ring, something seemed to gel inside me. When I saw my dad next, he was pretty civil, but there was more than that. I think because my attitude changed, he also changed the way he treated me. With the confidence I had gained when I made the decision to wear the ring, I simply had no reason to worry about what Dad thought about me. I actually stopped by their house with Tom. Mom invited us to dinner. I didn't ask, "Is Dad gonna be there?" as I might have a couple weeks earlier. It just didn't matter. As it turned out, he WAS there. I had always acted the part of the cowering son before, and the bully in Dad must have been emboldened. But this time, I didn't cower at all. I felt I was every bit the man Dad was, and I guess it showed, because he treated me with more respect than ever. "Tom and I have decided to get married." I said at dinner. Dad, in his Spock way, raised an eyebrow but no more, then asked, "Oh? Where will all this happen?" He looked hard at my mom and I think she nodded slightly. I think maybe they already had considered the possibility. "We of course would like to be there. Will you be going to Vermont, or - " "It won't be official, Mr. Harston." Tom said. "We are just going to exchange some vows after we've found a suitable minister to bless our efforts. We don't want to make a big deal of it. And `masrriage' is just a term, as far as we are concerned. We plan to make it legal, as far as making it legal union, but we don't really care if it is called marriage or not. We both feel that is a word that refers to a man and a woman, and as neither of us will admit to being a woman, we won't call it that." We all laughed at that. "Where will you exchange these vows, dear?" My mom asked. "And do you have a date set?" "Tentatively it will be in the beginning of August, two weeks before school starts. We plan an extensive trip after we tie the knot." I answered. And as far as the place, I think it will be overlooking the ocean, on the Smith's veranda. I'm happy you want to be there. That will make it complete for me." "How are you paying for all this, son?" My dad asked. "Do you need any help?" Again he looked at Mom, and received an approving smile. "Uhhmm -- that's something else I wanted to talk to you about." I said. They both looked at me blankly. "Have you seen the car I drive?" I asked. "Isn't it one that the Smith's let you drive?" Dad asked. "No, I bought it." I said, and my dad's eyebrow went up again. "I bought it and paid cash for it." They both dropped their jaws. "I know that's Toyota's premium SUV, son. Where did you - " "Dad," I continued, "Are you ready to retire?" This question took him back a notch. He looked back at me as if I was even crazier than he at first imagined. "I -- ahem -- well, not really. I -- um -- of course would like to -- well, at least -- um -- just work when I want to. But no, we are not ready to retire yet -- not for at least 5, maybe 10 years. "Just your education is - " "Don't worry about my education any more Dad. I have that taken care of too. Mom, Dad -- I have come into some money -- a LOT of money. If you want, you can retire." "I don't know if I or your mother are ready - " "Well, then," I countered, "Maybe you are ready to do that `work when you please thing'. Would you like that?" "Is that what you are going to do?" Mom asked. "No. I will complete my schooling first. I am shifting my classes a little to make marine biology my main focus. I don't really care about the degree anymore -- now that I don't plan to work for anyone else. Only I want to do more research now -- and can afford to fund my own projects." "Where did all this wealth come from son?" Dad asked. "When Rennie and I broke up, he wanted me to live comfortably, I guess. So he gave me plenty to achieve that goal." "Wo! How much -- I mean -- er - " "Dad, it doesn't matter how much. It's enough for me and for Tom, and also for you -- if you want." "Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but -- um -- what are we expected to do -- for all your generosity?" Dad asked. "You've already done it." I said. To answer the question on his face, I said, "Dad, you raised me to encounter this day. You have made me what I am." I saw a strange look flash across his face when I said that. "It's my way of saying thank you. You don't owe me any more than that. "I still don't know if I am ready to retire and just quit living." "There's more to life than work, Dad. How about this: I give you $15,000 a month and you then can decide if you want to keep working or maybe do something else, to be useful. No strings will be attached. We are a family, and when it comes down to it, we have become what we are today because of family dynamics." "Son -- Lenny -- when did you grow up. It seems like only last week you were still just a skinny teenager." "Haha! I'm still a skinny teen Dad. But I have matured a bit, I guess -- I hope!. I was going to ask you and Mom for your blessing -- or approval -- or something, but it seems you have already given me that. Thanks for being so generous with me. I know it must be hard to accept that your only son -- only child -- is gay. Believe me -- if we could choose, neither Tom nor I would have chosen to be gay. But we are, so we will be content to be what we are. And we are pretty happy at the moment." "I've always wanted your happiness, Leonard," Dad said, "I'm sorry it took me awhile to accept that it had to be YOUR happiness, and not what I perceived. Spock would not be proud of me!" "Spock has no pride, dear. But he would have noted the inconsistency -- and the lapse in logic." My mom said smiling. I couldn't believe that my parents were even having this conversation in front of this new friend I had just introduced them to! "My parents are serious Trekkies!" I said in defense, to imply that I was NOT! "Really??" Said Tom. "Oh my gosh! Me TOO! I LOVED the episode where They took that crippled dude to the planet where - - - " I tuned out. I almost felt like barfing! This is serious stuff! This is close to a deal-breaker! Tom stopped talking suddenly, as he stared at me fiddling with my new ring. "Is it too tight, Lenny? We can get it sized." "It wasn't too tight before you started talking about Star Trek!" I complained. "Oh, Leonard! You used to love watching it with us!" My mom said. This was the last thing I wanted to be hearing! "I g-guess I must have outgrown it." I said slowly. "Heh!" my dad laughed. "I guess that implies that we haven't, huh?" It required no response. Or at least it got none. Later that night, after we got back to my place, Tom said, "Lenny, you sure got quiet after we talked about that trekkie stuff." "I HATE Star trek!" "Apparently that hasn't always been the case. And sweetie pie -- I KNEW that. You told me why you were named Leonard Kirk. I just thought it was a good thing to have in common with your folks. I am not into it any more! But did you see how they warmed up even more when they found out I knew a thing or two about Star trek?" "Yeah. It felt like I was being ganged up on! Seriously, I felt like I was a little kid again. Only back then everyone teased me because I LIKED Star trek!" He looked all concerned. "It's not that big a deal. But I was seriously picked on before I got so tall. After my big growth spurt in 8th grade. No one bothered me any more. But they were still talking about me behind my back." "8th grade huh? I had mine in the end of 6th grade. I was head and shoulders taller than anyone else in 6th and 7th grades. That was pretty cool for me. In seventh grade we started dressing down for gym -- with the other guys. Some were partially developed. I had a full crop of pubes by then. I knew the other guys looked at me with respect and envy! And my dick was the same size it is now. Most guys were still growing then -- and with very little hair yet." "Yeah. In 8th grade everything came at once -- except the hair. In a few months, I had this long thin dick with no hair. The guys used to call me the hairless wonder -- even though many of them didn't have any either. But mine was so long, it was more obvious. And it wasn't just in the showers! Even around the girls they called me that. The girls would laugh. They all knew what it meant!" "You poor baby!" Tom said, grabbing my crotch. "Seems to have filled in rather nicely! And look! It's growing now! Think we can manage to get THIS growth to spurt?" "Now THAT'S a growth spurt I could live with!" I joked. We suddenly started tearing each others' clothes off! I ran into the bedroom and he chased close behind. I ran to the showers, where he caught me. I turned on the hot water. "Let's not waste time while we wait for the hot water!" He said, grabbing my in a close, naked hug. By this time we were both hard as a steel pipe, and my jizz was begging to be freed. After adjusting the water temp, he pushed me into the water and grabbed the soap. He went straight for the gold. With his soapy hand, he quickly brought my crème to the top. It felt so good to just do it without all the usually foreplay. Foreplay is good, but sometimes you just need to get off. I next haunched down and took all of his length into my mouth and down my throat. He moaned loudly, then started to make sweet love to my face. He was careful not to hurt me -- too careful. Finally I grabbed his ass and started ramming it down much more violently then he was. He quickly caught on and pushed ever deeper, as he mounted toward his eruption. Just before he came, I took it out and stroked it no more than twice with my hand and he blew all over my face. I kept stroking as I grabbed his buns and hugged my face close to his pubes. I caught some in my hand and put it in my mouth. I looked up and his eyes were closed, and his tongue was hanging out his open mouth. This almost made me cum again! I stood up and we more hung on to each other then hugged. We were both weak in the knees. We gained a little strength as the hot water ran over our bodies. When we felt stronger, we washed each other and dried one another off. He treated me as if I was a delicate Ming vase. I didn't mind, because I was feeling a little delicate at that time. Also, I took it as an expression of his love. I hoped he felt the same way I handled him. We went directly to bed. It was Friday night, so we didn't have any time to have to wake up in the morning. I woke up and turned toward his side of the bed. He was not there, but I felt a cool breeze coming from the living room. I walked out there and the front door was hanging half open. I went over and peered out and he was standing talking to someone down on the driveway. Tom was clad only in shorts -- no shirt. Then he moved and I saw that it was Ben he was talking to. As they talked, Ben moved closer and closer, until they were almost nose to nose. Tom backed off slightly and then Ben quickly stepped to him, put his hand around the back of his head and pulled Tom in to a kiss on the mouth. Tom struggled, but Ben was bigger, and when Tom stopped struggling it seemed he got into the kiss. He wrapped his arms around Ben and though it was quick, it was intense -- or seemed so. Then Ben hopped into his Jaguar and sped out of the driveway. Tom walked out and watched him drive down the street. When Tom turned around I wished I was quicker. But I just stood there in the doorway, with my mouth open. Tom's face already looked kind of sad, but when he saw me, his face fell even further. I stepped back in the door, and breathed really hard and fast to try to keep my emotions under control. It worked. I heard him bounding up the steps three at a time. When he got to the door, he stopped and looked in. It was light outside and dark in the room, so he couldn't see my face. "How much did you see?" he asked. "I don't know. I don't know how long you were out there." I said, trying to hold back some inner animal that was rebelling. "Lenny - - that was good bye." "Nice farewell kiss!" I said -- more emphatically than I meant it to come out. "I told him not to bother me any more, Lenny! He came over to try to get me back. I told him no -- no more." I started to say something, but stopped it before it erupted. It was not anything that would help the situation. "Lenny, please try to understand. Ben kisses like -- well nothing I ever experienced before." By this time he was standing in front of me. He saw how that last comment affected me. "Oh, Lenny I didn't mean - - I mean -- shit!" He hung his head. "I guess I did mean that. I'm sor -- It's just that once he locked lips with me -- I mean , I tried to - " "I saw you struggling." I said, simply. He breathed a sigh. "But Lenny -- I LOVE the way you kiss!" "I love the way YOU kiss, Tommy. Maybe you can teach me how some day." I couldn't keep the sarcasm out of my voice. "I'm sure there are lots of things we can teach each other." He said. "S - - - what are we waiting for?" I said, this time with a sexy edge to my tone. "You're okay?" He asked -- like he was afraid of what the answer might be. I thought for a long moment. I truly didn't want him to suffer. Finally I said, "Tell you what. Let's pretend it didn't happen. That's different from forgetting it happened. Let's NOT forget it happened. Lets remember how fragile love can be, but pretend this never happened. Does that work for you?" "Well, I'm afraid you're in the position of making the rules today." He said, humbly. "I don't feel that way. I truly mean, let's pretend it didn't happen." "But it DID happen." "What did happen?" I asked, daring him to remind me. "He kissed me -- and -- I kissed him back." "Have you ever waked up in the morning feeling like crap -- and just decided to pretend you didn't feel that way? Like when someone asks, `How are you today. Tom?' and you say, `Fine.' and smile and even the act of smiling makes it easier to pretend you don't feel like shit. As you run into more and more people - " " -- and whistle a happy tune and no one ever knows, I'm afraid!" he sang. "Er, I mean I feel like crap!" "What's that all about?" I asked. "It's from `The King and I'. Anna sings it to her son, who is afraid of the people in this strange country of Siam. Then she tells him -- in the song -- that the result of this deception is I no longer feel afraid." "Oh. OH! Yeah! That exactly what I'm saying! As you pretend, you start to actually feel better -- for no other reason than you were pretending to feel better. So, if we pretend this didn't happen -- even though we know it did, then we can go on and not be pulled down with it." "See?" "See what?" "We have a lot to teach each other." "Good! When were you going to start giving me kissing lessons?" "Is now a good time?" "Sounds good to me!" I said. He took me in his arms and kissed me. I tasted his delicious mouth and then knew he tasted my morning mouth! "Ewww! Maybe we should wait `til after breakfast." "Did you have anything in mind?" He asked. "Let's get dressed and go to that new waffle house." "I love waffles!" "Good. Me too." We had waffles and scrambled eggs and bacon, with sparkling cider. When we came home, I suggested we go brush our teeth. He said "Okay, but this first." It was a syrupy sweet kiss, and it was wonderful. I could taste everything we ate and it still tasted good! Then I smelled his scent, the natural scent on his face mixed with a faint after shave smell form yesterday - and immediately sprang a boner. "Ah! Feels like Mr. Long wants to be heard from!" He said. And he pressed his equally hard self into me. That led to a wonderful and easy-going session in the bedroom. When we were finished, we lay there catching our breath. "Lenny?" "Yeah?" "Do we have to wait until the end of summer -- to move in together?" "Hmmm -- funny you should ask. I was just wondering if -- well, if we are already as -- um -- intimate as we are, then -- well, you know -- maybe we could at least talk about it." "Do you wanna move in with me?" He asked. "I could do that." I said. "You don't sound too enthusiastic." He said. "I -- don't know why. But I think it might be nice to start out in a place that's new to both of us." "I'm open. Any place in particular?" He asked. "I really like the ocean. There is a place right next to Ren's duplex -- another duplex -- that I noticed was up for rent." "Hmm. More than I could afford -- that's high rent district!" "You know -- you're a great cook!" I said, seemingly out of the blue. "And - - ?" "I'll pay the rent -- you do the cooking." "For that rent, I should do all the cleaning and washing as well!" "Nope! I do my own washing! I'm very particular!" "Hrmph! I learn more and more every day!" "Really. My mom used to lose my socks all the time. So when I was about 12, I started doing my own wash. I actually like it." "That leaves cooking and cleaning." "Nope! Only cooking. If you want to contribute something, then you can hire a housekeeper." "That's cool. So -- when should we do this?" He asked. "Any time is good for me. I know the Smiths will be disappointed -- but it will leave more room for their own family when they visit. Next weekend?" "Sounds nice. With working and all, we'll have to - " He noticed something in my face -- a look or something. "What?" "I dunno. It just now occurred to me." "What?" "Living with you -- I'm gonna worry every night until you get home." I said. After a long silence, he said, "You -- aren't suggesting that I give up my job -- right now are you?" "No -- not really. I just hadn't thought about it until now." I said. "I have a cell phone. I can call you at any time. If I'm going to be late -- and not in an emergency situation -- then I'll always call you." "I don't even want to think about you being in an emergency situation!" "Lenny -- it's what I do! I live for it! I Love it! It's why I ride a cycle. I love the excitement -- the danger!" "I know. And it's actually one of the things I love about you. But I can worry -- right?" "Most of my days are pretty boring, actually." "Oh. Okay, I won't worry about you on the boring days." "Are you gonna be okay with this?" he asked, looking very concerned. After a long pause, I said, "I think I am." "Good. Lets go today and look at the place you saw." Thinking about him in potential danger every day really does give me the creeps Worries me. But we got cleaned up -- again -- and headed to Ren's neighborhood. The "For Rent" sign was gone. We walked over next door to Ren's place and knocked at the door. When he came to the door, his face lit up in a wide smile. "Hey! What're you doing down here, Dudes? Come in, come in!' I told him and he said the place was rented just yesterday. "But Dude! George and his kids are moving out next month! Why don't you guys move in here -- er I mean there?" pointing to the other unit of his duplex. I looked at Tommy. He shrugged. I turned back to Ren. "Can I tell you tomorrow?" "Sure! I'm sure that David will be excited too. He really likes you, Lenny!" "Who's David?" Tommy asked. "My partner." Ren said. "Lenny bought his Sequoia from him." "Oh." I called Ren on Sunday and told him we decided to do it. It took some soul searching, but I was quite sure I was over Ren -- especially the way I felt about Tommy. Tommy had complete trust in me. We moved in two days after George and his kids moved out. The door between the places stood open most of the time. With the four of us -- all men -- there was not much we needed to keep secret. David is about ten years older than Tommy, so he sort of became the house dad. Of course when his kids would visit, we behaved ourselves. Actually we kept the door closed and latched at those times. At beginning of August my mom asked if she could plan a party for us. "When?" I asked. "I thought maybe after you got back from your honeymoon." I got a strange look on my face. "What is it Dear?" She asked. "It seems funny calling it that -- a honeymoon." "Well, if you're getting married -- whether or not it's legal -- it's still a honeymoon." `It just sounds -- weird." "Okay! We'll call it an after your celebratory-trip-in-honor-of-your-union party! That'll look good on the invitations!" "Smart ass! I said. "I can't believe you would call your own mother that!" She pouted. "There doesn't have to be invitations! Who's coming anyway?" I asked. "I was hoping you would give me a list. A few of the people from the Chamber of commerce would love to come -- they gave your dad such a bad time over this! And your Aunt Samantha and Uncle Harold. And Gramma and Grampa, of course! And how about those nice people you have been living with before you and Tom moved together. And of course Rennie and his friend." "I'll give you a list." I said. "We'll be getting back on Sunday night just before I start school. Maybe the next weekend?" "That would be perfect. I thought we could have it here in the back yard. We can get some of that blue Romulan Ale stuff -- and have a Star Trek Theme." She looked so serious, then seeing my horror, she laughed and said, "NOT!" The Smith's were wonderful about the wedding day. They catered a wonderful supper before the sunset ceremony was performed out on their lanai overlooking the Pacific Ocean, with the Santa Barbara Islands in the background. We chose a Presbyterian minister who reminded us it was not a legal marriage, but that he believed that the Lord smiled on anyone who would be monogamous and base their relationship in love. I was surprised that the whole Smith family was there. All the guys -- and their families from Vermont flew out for it. Seth was getting a little heavier. Not fat by any means, but he was pretty skinny before. Luke looked the same as I remembered him. It's pretty hard to get to know him, he's so shy. That blue hair of his always fascinates me. Both Chris and Craig still look like models. And it would be hard to believe that Jake ever had AIDS. Colin still seemed to watch over him like a mother hen, though. All the little kids were delightful. Their mothers were there too, and joined in on the celebration. Etta seemed uneasy. I know she was probably out of sorts a little because the Smiths even thought about a caterer. She was quite capable. But the Smiths both assured her that this day, she was just a member of the family. This made her feel better. She hugged us both and then got another worried look on her face -- but only for a moment. We decided on Hawaii for the "celebratory-trip-in-honor-of-our-union". We chose an Island Cruise. In two weeks we sailed only at night and did all the islands. My favorite was the big Island -- Hawaii. The big volcano was so impressive to me. Luke told us of some private places that tourists don't know of. We arrived home two weeks later -- Sunday night. It was SO hard to go to school the next day! But I did. The night before the party, Thursday, I was exhausted from a pretty full first week back to school. I came home and hit the books, but fell asleep. Tommy was working. He always called before he left work -- as I had asked him, so I wasn't worried when the phone rang. I answered it. "Is this Leonard Harston?" "Cut it out, Tommy -- that's not funny!" "Mr. Harston, Officer Whatley is asking for you. He is at the emergency department at Memorial Hospital." I shook my head to wake myself up. Surely I was dreaming! "Mr. Harston?" "I'm here." I heard a voice say, sounding as if it was coming out of a tube. "Mr. Harston, shall we send a car after you? Officer Whatley is asking for you." "Yes. Please." The voice replied. A squad car was at my place in minutes. Rennie was out the door, asking what was wrong. I told him something was wrong with Tommy. He grabbed some shoes and came with me in the squad car. When we arrived at the hospital, we were told that Officer Whatley had sighed loudly and quit breathing. Simple and quick as that! Tommy gone? No. How could that be? What -- why -- who -- did - - this- - ? Tommy's partner was wounded too. The shooter was gunned down by him and two other policemen. They told me that it was an ambush. They asked me if I knew a Shaun Winters. It sounded familiar. They later took me to see his remains. It was one of the football players that had vandalized my car. They said there was another but he got away. I was able to send them to the security department at the university. They gave the police a likely accomplice. I was in shock. I couldn't even cry. Tommy gone? It wasn't real. It COULDN'T be real! I had worried about it over and over, but I really didn't think it would happen. The police took Ren and me back to our place. He insisted I stay at his place. I didn't notice for several days that David was missing. Finally I asked, "Where's David. I haven't seen him all week." "I didn't want to bother you with it, Len. He told me last week that he was sorry but he had to go back to his wife and kids. The older teens needed their dad in the house and truly -- he missed his wife. He said he probably would not be coming back. He left the very night that -- Tommy left us." Ren had tears by thjis time. "Oh my God, Rennie!" I exclaimed. "I am so sorry." Then it hit me. He had known this all week. He had me there for a week, and could very well have taken advantage of me -- big time! But he did not! I confronted him about it. "Len. I've known what loss is like. I knew you mostly needed someone with you. I -- I -- it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do." "But -- you -- you -- did it. "Why was it so hard?" I asked "Because -- I realized -- I still love you as much -- or more than ever." I felt a huge welling up in my chest. I tried to take a breath, but all I could do was gasp. I started to cry like a baby. As I cried, I thought of the pain and anguish that Rennie had gone through -- that I didn't begin to understand. Now I have gone through it -- I understand. And my heart broke for him AND me. And it also at the same time swelled with love for him. I was not sure what kind of love it was, but it was love nonetheless, and I was consumed with it. "Rennie, I think we need to sort this out." I said, haltingly. "What do you mean?" He asked me. "I feel such a surge of love for you -- but it's also a great surge of understanding of what you must have experienced. I had no idea what grief like this felt like." "and -- what -- do you think should be sorted out?" he asked, with concern both in his voice and on his face. "Ren, I feel the same as you tonight. And it's really confusing me." "How, Babe?" "Rennie, I just lost my lover -- I love him so much -- and how can I be having such feelings for you at the same time?" "I don't know." "It feels bad and good and extremely guilty all at the same time." I said. "What do you want to do?" He asked." "That's just it. I don't know. I think maybe we should get advice from someone else." "Who -- your parents?" "I don't know -- I don't think -- no not them. Would you come and talk to Jake Smith with me?" "I'll do anything you want, Lenny. Anything. I know at this time you need to -- to -- sort things out -- like you said. I guess I do too." Uncle Jake saw us the next night. When we walked in Etta looked at us and shook her head. "Boys you age should be habbing fun!" Then her countenance changed. She smiled at us both, and said, "Ebby-ting gonna be awright." "Uncle Jake, You probably know more -- and understand more -- about us than anyone else. I don't know what to do. Both of our -- guys -- have left us -- under different circumstances, but left nonetheless. Uncle Jake, I feel - " I couldn't go on. Thinking about Tommy crushed me -- one more time. When I could go on, I said, "And yet I feel so -- guilty! I actually feel good when I'm with Rennie! And this makes me feel terrible. I shouldn't feel good at this time should I? And of course David had gone back to his family -- he was -- "I know what was going on there, Lenny." "Anyway we -- we're both so confused." "I know you are. You've both had more like fifty years of living packed into one. Can I make an observation?" Both our expressions said, "Please do!" "Just now as you walked in, I felt a special presence -- something was good about -- I don't know -- something. Then I saw Etta and heard what she said to you. Then I realized what it was." He stopped to gather his thoughts. "What did you realize?" Rennie asked him. "I could see that you two are still very much in love." I heaved a big chugging sigh. "Lenny, you have been holding yourself as more mature than you really were ever since your dad kicked you out. You were forced to grow up before your time. Now this has happened and it would seem that it would do the same thing. And it has to some degree. "But that's not all." I could see Etta nodding in the mirror. Uncle Jake took heart at that and continued. "you have allowed yourself to collapse -- like back to the little boy you were before a year ago, then you faced what has happened -- more like a man. You have matured more in a week than some of us do in a lifetime. The same thing happened to Rennie, but on a slower time table. But he is also there now. You are both so young, but circumstances have matured you beyond your years -- FAR beyond your years. "And now -- now you are feeling guilty about the strong feelings you still have for Rennie -- aren't you, Lenny?" I nodded slowly. "Because you feel like it somehow degrades the love you had for Tom, right?" Again I nodded. "And Rennie -- you too have felt guilt - Guilt that you would even feel this way -- and seemingly take advantage of your friend in his grief. Right?" This time Rennie nodded. "And yet I could see the communications that passed between you both -- and Etta could too. Again I saw Etta's head bob in the mirror. "You two are communicating as only true lovers or sometimes twins -- do. There is no need to feel guilt -- either of you. Do you think you can't love more than one person? Because someone dies -- or leaves your life for any reason -- you don't necessarily stop loving them." "What should we do?" I asked. "Here's my recommendation. You go back -- if you can -- and live with your parents -- for now, Lenny. And Rennie -- I don't think it is healthy for you to be living alone at this vulnerable time in your life. Linda and I would be much pleased if you would come live with us for awhile. Do you want to do that?" Tears in his eyes, he looked at me and nodded his head several times, then looked at Uncle Jake. "Thank you sir." He croaked out. "I think you both need a hug." Uncle Jake said. We both turned toward him. "No," he laughed. "You can hug me too, but I meant each other." We gladly obeyed. Then he added, "Now maybe you can woo each other as adults. You will find a depth that you never knew as teens. I suggest you take counsel from your parents, Lenny, and Rennie -- any time you want, please come to either me or Linda. You're of course welcome to chat with us any time too, Lenny. We might not always have the answers, but we can love you as a parent loves his son." "Thank you so much! Rennie croaked out once again. Note: This is not the end of Lenny's story, but it's the end of my part in it. Thanks for all your good will and kind comments. You can make up any ending you want. Do Lenny and Rennie get back together? Is that what you want? Is that how "Love rules in the end"? Thanks and love, Steve Bottom line: Love will Rule in the end.