Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2001 23:17:53 -0500
From: One Shy Rugrat <one_shy_rugrat@hotmail.com>
Subject: Losing Myself - Chapter 1 - Mystery Across The Dinning Table

Warning: This is a story about two boys falling
in love. If it offends you, please don't continue
reading.

Copyrights@ 2001. One Shy Rugrat. All Rights Reserved.

	       Chapter 1 - Mystery across the dinning table

	University has begun for months now, the new lifestyle that university
students have to adapt and adjust to still bewilders me. The new sensation
of never being able to catch up on the lecture material still makes me laugh
when I'm reading my textbooks at 2 am in the morning in my puny room
in residence. Despite the increased workload, many new bonds have been made
and as I see others around me start pairing up, my romantic life has not
bloomed at all. Maybe that's the problem about having feelings for
people of the same sex. Often finding myself depressed and looking at myself
in the mirror, I often wonder if I would ever have someone loving me.
	I remember at the beginning of frosh week, I noticed the gay and
lesbian clubs were recruiting for new members. Like the other straight teens
around me, I avoided coming even close to the display booth. Now and then, I
notice the posters of those clubs and their e-mail addresses and wish I had
the courage to e-mail then and meet some new people. Of course, that never
happened. Merely thinking about having to explain things to people from my
highschool who are also  attending the  same university scares me.
	Almost everyday, I ponder what it would be like to be out of the
closet, to have a boyfriend that would care about my every gesture, every
movement, and every action. To have him hug me when I'm walking
against the winter chill. To have him hold onto my hand when we're
walking on the street just like all the other couples that are so in love.
Then I remember the guys that I've fallen for and sighed. Why? They
were all straight. The last thing I want is to like another straight guy. I
vow to have a new beginning at university!
	Suddenly, I huge bang on my door brought me back to reality.
"Louis! Are you heading down for dinner?",
screamed my floor-mate, Mike, as he continuously pound on my door.
"Yeah, hold on." I quickly switch off my table lamp and
put on my sweatshirt. After locking my door, Mike and I head down to our
residence's food court  for our dinner. Despite what all the others
think, I thought the cafeteria food wasn't that bad. I often wonder
what they were complaining about. Yeah, of course sometimes there are things
that are just absolutely disgusting, but that only happen once in a while.

"So, how's classes?" Mike was a sophomore while I
was a freshmen. But we got along fine since we were from the same
highschool.
"Still pretty hectic." Back in highschool, I was the
star. Now that I'm at the most prestigious college of the university,
I was having only one of the many stars that shimmer slightly in the sky.
Not only am I not the Northern Star, I was just one of those faint stars
that may be extinguished at any time.
"Don't worry. I made it to second year. I'm sure
you'll do fine. Relax." Mike was always trying to make
things sound so easy. Sometimes it annoys me because I was no where as
relaxed as he was. But other times I feel he's just trying to make me
feel better. Whatever it is, he was a cool friend.
	After we got our food and sat at our usual table, we chatted
away. They were serving roast beef for the millionth time. I didn't
mind. But Mike was obviously disgusted. As we ate, more people started to
fill the cafeteria. After I went to the kitchen to get myself some more
juice, when I returned, I noticed someone was sitting across from me whom I
have never seen before. He was sitting before Mike. He said nothing and just
ate. I sat myself down and continued eating my food while I studied this
mysterious person across from me. He silence made him very interesting to
me. His glasses in addition to his shy looking face made me stare. He eyes
were big behind his nice metal framed glasses. His lips were thin but
extremely luscious. His skin was smooth and his face expressed an emptiness
and tiredness. I felt sorry for him, yet I found this melancholic figure
extremely attractive. When he stood up, I wonder if he had finished his
dinner so quickly and was going to leave. I felt a bit sad I didn't
get a chance to say `hi' and was relieved when he walked into
the kitchen and came out with more food. Then I noticed he was at least six
feet tall and his body was either perfect or his shirt and khaki pants
really hide it well.
	As Mike and I continued to eat, more people from our floor joined us.
Conversations were started and everyone was engaged in some small talk or
another except that mysterious guy across from me. As I talked to Mike, I
noticed he was listening on what we were talking about and was occasionally
glancing at whoever was talking. Though normally I would find people who
eavesdrop extremely rude, but instead, I found it very cute and my urge to
talk to him grew even stronger.
	"Hey, do you think we should go visit Wilson High after our
midterm?" Mike asked me.
	"Yeah, I was thinking of doing that sometime next week when my
exams are over."
	"Cool. Give me and Sarah a call when you do." Sarah
was a friend of mine back in highschool, she was also Mike's best
friend. The world is so small.
	"Sure. Yeah, we should go visit and scare all those kids about
university. I heard Wilson High is getting more ghetto
everyday.
	"Oh really?"
	"Um, is that Wilson Bretford High school near the subway
station uptown?"
	Oh my god! He spoke! Here's my chance!
	"Yeah, have you heard of it?"
	"Yeah, I knew someone that use to go there."
	"Oh..." His voice was so remarkable I couldn'
t think of anything to say.
	After the short exchange ended. He and I started fooling around with
our food and he was playing around with the Christmas candies he took from
the kitchen. Then he looked at me, which made me feel kind of embarrassed,
and said, "You want some candy?"
	"Ar...um...no thanks." WHY DID I SAY THAT? I
have no idea. Then I continued, "where'd you get
that?" Almost lost him, but then I realized I was a bit too
eager.
	"Oh, just in the kitchen." He smiled. His dimples
are the cutest things. That innocent look on his face could have melted me
and make me faint. I felt my face go red. I hope the light in the cafeteria
is too dark for anyone to see. I knew there was no chance...
	"Um, I'm Louis." I stuck out my hand with a
huge grin on my face, one which I knew was too huge to be looking for a
friendly handshake.
	"Hi. I'm Sam." We shook hands. His grip was
firm and I wish I didn't have to let go. Once again, he smiled. I
knew after the handshake I wasn't going to be able to stop thinking
about him tonight. We chatted for a short while longer and then he had to
get back to studying, as did I. As I was walking back to my room, I knew I
had this huge grin on my face as I kept thinking about the encounter with
Sam earlier in the evening and the thought kept swirling in the back of my
head until I fell asleep that night. Even then, I dreamed about spending
more time with Sam.

Well, I hope you guys like the first chapter of this story. Tell me what you
think. Good or bad. Email me at one_shy_rugrat@hotmail.com
Thanks