Date: Sun, 6 Nov 2005 16:18:41 -0500
From: jaden.scott@adelphia.net
Subject: Lover's Lane Chapters 16 and 17

This story is a work of fiction.  It depicts a romance between two
consenting adult males and may contain some descriptions of sexual acts,
again between two consenting adult males.  If you are not of legal age to
read this kind of story, please leave now.  If you reside in an area where
reading stories that include sexual situations between two consenting adult
males is illegal, please leave now.  This story is for entertainment
purposes only.  Any similarity to any person(s) living or dead is simply a
coincidence.  The author retains all rights to this story.  It cannot be
reproduced in any form without expressed written permission from the author
(me).  Please contact the author for any requests. Copyright 2005.

Feedback (and criticism) is ALWAYS appreciated and welcome.  Please respond
to this story at: jaden.scott@adelphia.net

I look forward to hearing from all of you and I will respond if you write
to me.  Thanks to all of you who have written so far with your encouraging
words.  I have appreciated every one of them.  Jaden

**Please watch for changes in POINT-OF-VIEW**

**These two chapters are dedicated to my future wife, Vicky. (I'll say it
again-we're only getting married to get the free presents and the MONEY!!)
Thanks so much for helping me out with these two chapters and letting me
use your laptop.  I really appreciate your insights.  They helped me finish
these chapters, which were incredibly hard for me to write.  I consider you
a very good friend of mine.  Love you!!  Jaden, aka 2nd Husband, aka T.J.**


LOVER'S LANE

by Jaden


>From the end of Chapter Fifteen:

**LANE'S POINT OF VIEW**

He turned and started walking toward his house.  I watched him until he was
completely out of sight.  I felt so much better now that I knew he was
starting to come around.  I hoped that he would feel comfortable tomorrow
night and tell me what was on his mind.  I was going to do everything I
could to make him feel relaxed.  Hopefully he'll open up and I can finally
learn the truth about my mystery man.  Saturday night suddenly seemed like
a long time away.


CHAPTER SIXTEEN: A NIGHTMARE ON ELM...WALVERN BLVD.

**JADEN'S POINT OF VIEW**

His hands slid down my naked torso.  They lingered for a minute on the skin
just above the top of my pants.  His ice-cold fingers traced a circle
around my belly button.  Suddenly, he grabbed my pants and yanked them
down.  He touched the waistband of my underwear and then moved his hands
even lower until they were touching my...

"NOOOOOOOO!!" I screamed as I shot out of bed.  I fell to he floor, gasping
for breath.  My heart was racing and I was soaked in my own sweat.  Images
of Leon and the intense fear I had felt during the kidnapping slowly faded
from my mind.  I sat back against my bed and brought my hands up to my
face.  I realized I was crying.  George hopped down off the bed and curled
up in my lap.  I started petting him very gently as I tried to calm myself
down.

I'm not sure how long we sat there like that.  I didn't get up until I was
positive my legs could support me.  I made my way into the bathroom and
turned on the light.  I squinted for a few seconds as my eyes adjusted to
the bright intrusion.  I walked over to the sink, turned on the water, and
splashed my face.  I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed that my
eyes were completely bloodshot.

The nightmares were back and they were as bad as they had ever been.  Maybe
worse.  I hadn't had a nightmare about "IT" since I was fifteen years old.
Now, I was having them every night, ever since the party at Lane's house.
I told Dr. Swatt about them on Thursday when we had our regular therapy
session.  She felt this development was a positive step forward in my
recovery process.  I respected her professional opinion, but I wasn't so
sure I agreed with her.

According to my doctor, I had repressed these memories for far too long.  A
combination of factors had triggered them, ranging from meeting Lane and
developing feelings for him, to Kaylie's treatment of me at the party.
Dr. Swatt theorized that in addition to helping me deal with my feelings
about the kidnapping, my mind might also be using the nightmares as a
defensive mechanism.  As my feelings for Lane deepened, and as I accepted
the fact that he was developing feelings for me, the idea of intimacy and
sex became a real possibility.  The things Leon did to me caused me to be
very afraid of anything related to sex.  It was possible that I was so
afraid of crossing into that territory with Lane my mind was trying to
remind me of the pain I felt when Leon had done those sexual things to me.
I would be less inclined to do anything sexual with Lane and, therefore, I
wouldn't have those feelings again.  All of that was convoluted psychiatric
mumbo-jumbo as far as I was concerned.

I couldn't see the positive side of having to endure these terrifying
images night after night.  The doctor assured me the nightmares would start
to fade as I processed and dealt with what Leon had done to me once and for
all.  While I wanted to be healed and, eventually, enjoy a healthy
relationship, these nightmares were really starting to take a toll on me.

I dried my face and walked over to my dresser to get some dry clothes.  I
was going to have to do some extra laundry next week because of all the
clothes I had been going through, I thought.  After I changed, I looked
over at my alarm clock and saw that it was 3:45AM.  I decided to lie back
down in bed, even though I was fairly certain I wouldn't be able to sleep
again tonight.  To be honest, I didn't want to close my eyes because I was
afraid more images of Leon would start flooding my brain.

As I lay in bed, I realized it was Saturday.  I'm supposed to have dinner
with Lane tonight!! Yesterday, I told Lane that I wanted to talk to him
about something.  I was planning on telling him about "IT", but I wasn't
sure if I could go through with it.  Dr. Swatt was convinced that I had to
tell Lane about this part of my life.  She gave me a very hard sell during
our appointment the other day, saying things like it was 'important to my
recovery' that I tell him.  I knew she was right, but I had no clue what I
was going to say to him.  How do you tell a guy you like something like
this??  And, after I tell him, isn't it possible he might reject me after
learning I'm 'damaged goods'??  My gut instinct told me that Lane wouldn't
turn his back on me after learning about my past.  I was afraid, however,
that he would only want to be my friend and he wouldn't want anything to do
with me romantically.  There was simply no way to know how he was going to
react to my story.

However he reacted, I knew that Lane was a really sweet guy.  I mean, I had
essentially ignored him all week long, but that didn't stop him from trying
to get through to me.  I felt horrible about the way I had treated him, but
it was just so hard to face him.  I felt embarrassed about the way I had
acted, first at the party on Saturday night, and then with Lane on Sunday
morning.  I had to force myself to go to the gym or the track to work out
with him each day.

Everything that happened with Kaylie at the party had been horrible, to say
the least.  Still, once I had a chance to calm down, I had to admit that I
was glad I learned, once and for all, that Lane was gay.  It was nice not
to have that uncertainty to deal with anymore.  Kaylie also said that Lane
liked me.  Me!!  I had so many mixed emotions about that bit of
information, ranging from incredible happiness to abject fear.  At first, I
hadn't been sure I could believe what Kaylie said about Lane, especially in
regards to his feelings for me.  But, the more I thought about it, I
realized she was being completely truthful in those few moments after I
freaked out.  She was trying to hurt Lane, and sometimes the best way to
hurt someone to tell the truth.  Dr. Swatt was quick to remind me (again)
at our session that I wasn't ready to jump into a full-fledged relationship
right now.  At the same time, she felt it would be OK for me to continue my
friendship with Lane.  I had to walk a fine line.  I needed to get closer
to Lane without plunging into a relationship.  I wasn't sure how I was
going to do that.

I didn't think I would, but at some point I must have drifted off to sleep,
because the next thing I knew, George was licking my face to wake me up.  I
sat up in bed.  I felt a little bit better than I had when I woke up in the
middle of the night.

I was seriously starting to consider Dr. Swatt's offer to give me something
to help me sleep.  I simply couldn't continue on this way.  At some point,
my grades would start to suffer and I wasn't going to let that happen.  I
forced myself out of bed and, after getting ready to go running with Lane,
George and I left for the track.  We saw Lane when we were about halfway
there and continued the rest of the journey together.  After we had
exchanged pleasantries, we finished our walk to the track in companionable
silence.

We stretched out and started our run.  Lane had come a long way since that
first day we ran together.  His endurance and stamina were vastly improved,
and he was able to keep up with me for about seventy-five percent of the
run.  After three weeks of this kind of cardiovascular exercise, I could
see changes in his body.  He didn't lose any muscle mass like he feared he
would when he started running with me.  He was leaner, though.  He might
have shed a couple pounds of excess weight, and the effect it had on his
body was stunning.  His muscles looked more defined.  He was hot before,
but now he was scorching.  I couldn't believe this awesome specimen of man
liked me.  I felt so unworthy.

After we completed our run, we walked one lap to cool down, as usual.
About halfway around the track, Lane started speaking to me, our first real
conversation of the day.

"So, I was wondering...are you still coming over tonight for dinner??"  He
had such a hopeful tone in his voice.

"Um...yeah.  I was still planning on it.  You...you don't have to cook
dinner for me if you don't want to." I told him.

"No.  A bet's a bet.  Besides," he said as he turned to look at me in the
eyes, "I...I WANT to make dinner for you."

My heart, which was just slowing down after our run, started to beat faster
again.  He was looking at me so intensely and I couldn't break eye contact
with him.  He sounded so...serious.  This dinner was really important to
him.  At that moment, all doubts about going to dinner tonight vanished
from my mind.  I wasn't going to let him down.

"I promise I'll be there." I said.  "7:30PM, right??"

"Yep." He said, the big smile (the one I was learning to love) back on his
face.

We walked about twenty more feet before Lane started speaking again.

"Um...Jaden, I wanted to ask you something.  Were you still going to play
basketball with the guys and me this afternoon??"

I had completely forgotten about the weekly basketball game.  I wasn't sure
if I was ready to face those guys yet.  I mean, they all know I'm GAY!!  I
wondered if it would be any different hanging out with them now that they
knew my secret.  Lane noticed my hesitation and he quickly spoke again.

"Jaden, I think I understand why you might be feeling...reluctant to want
to play with us.  But, please listen to me.  You don't need to worry about
the guys.  They WANT you to play.  Their feelings about you haven't changed
because of ANYTHING that's happened."

I could tell that Lane had chosen his words carefully, and I appreciated
the fact that he didn't name specific events from the party as possible
reasons for my hesitation.  I still wasn't sure what to think.  Could I
trust the guys to treat me the same way they had before they knew I was
gay??  Ultimately, I decided that I trusted Lane, enough to know that he
wouldn't lie to me.

We finished walking our lap and headed over to the area near the front
entrance where we had put our extra things before we started running.  It
occurred to me that if I didn't go play basketball, I would just be hiding
from the other guys.  If I was going to stay friends with Lane, I couldn't
avoid them forever.  Like quickly ripping a band-aid off, I figured I
needed to face these guys...TODAY...before I psyched myself out anymore
than I already had.

"I'll...I'll play." I said to Lane.

"AWESOME!!  Seriously dude, everything will be OK.  I promise."

As Lane was saying that last sentence, he put his hand on my back, right
underneath my shoulder blade.  I would have expected myself to have a
negative reaction to his touch, especially considering the nightmares I had
been having recently.  But, I didn't get any type of bad feeling.  In fact,
I actually leaned INTO his hand.  We stood like that for a few seconds.
His touch felt so good.  Suddenly, I realized what I was doing and I
abruptly pulled away from his hand.  Lane didn't let on if he noticed my
action.

"Um...same time, same place for the game??" I asked him.

"Absolutely."  Lane was quiet for a few moments and then he looked me in
the eye.  "Jaden...I'm really glad you're going to play."

And, just like on his porch the night of the party, we had another moment.
His eyes drifted down to look at my lips and then back up to my eyes again.
I'm positive he wanted to kiss me.  I wanted to kiss him too.  But, unlike
the last time this happened, I realized what was going on and I broke our
eye contact.  Dr. Swatt had been adamant that I take my relationship with
Lane slowly.  She didn't think it was a good idea for me to get involved
with him romantically, at least not yet.  I liked Lane so much, probably
too much for my own good.  I couldn't help myself.  The way he had treated
me all week, showing that he cared so much about me, was only increasing my
feelings for him.

I stepped away from Lane and started to gather up my things.  I didn't
respond to the last comment he made.  I didn't know what to say and I was
afraid if I opened my mouth, it would betray me.  I needed to be strong and
not let my feelings for him overwhelm me.  Besides, I still have to tell
him about "IT".  I didn't know how his feelings for me were going to change
after I told him about my past.  Let's see what happens at dinner tonight.



CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: "IT"

**JADEN'S POINT OF VIEW**

The hot water coursed down my body, relaxing my sore muscles.  One of my
favorite things in the world was a hot shower.  They felt so good,
especially after I had exerted myself in some way.  And, that is exactly
what happened at this afternoon's basketball game.

The game had been intense.  Nick and Stu were acting even more competitive
with each other than they had the week before and I wasn't sure why.  Maybe
it had something to do with the fact that none of the girls were here this
time.  Whatever the reason, I really didn't understand those two.  They
seemed to be such good friends off the court and I could tell they
genuinely liked each other.  Yet, something changed when they stepped onto
the basketball court.  Suddenly, they were out for each other's blood.  I
made a mental note to ask Lane for more details on their rivalry when I had
a chance.

Stu won the coin toss and chose me first for his team.  Nick chose Lane,
Stu picked Clint, which left Tim on Nick's team.  Nick beat Stu in calling
shirts and skins.  Nick called for his team to wear shirts, which left me
playing with no shirt on again.  Damn!!  I had really been hoping to see
Lane without his shirt on.

I played well, but I wasn't as good as I had been in last week's game.  I
decided to chalk up what happened last week to 'beginner's luck'.  We
played four games and each team won two of those games.

Lane had been right.  The guys didn't treat me any differently than they
had the previous week.  I was grateful for that.  I don't know if I was
more worried about them knowing I was gay or reacting to my outburst.  As
the last game was finishing up, I suddenly realized something.  The guys
all knew LANE was gay and they didn't treat him any differently than they
did each other.  I guess I had been worried for no reason.  It occurred to
me that Vicky might have been about to tell me Lane was gay right before
Ryan interrupted us while we were dancing at the party.

As we were walking home after the game, Lane asked me (again) if I was
coming over to his house for dinner tonight.

"You haven't changed your mind, right??  You're still coming over for
dinner??"

I had to smile at his eagerness.  While I was worried about the dinner and
what I would or wouldn't tell Lane about my past, he managed to bring a
smile to my face.

"Absolutely.  Can I bring anything??"

"No, leave it all to me."

"So, what's on the menu tonight??"

"Well...I kind of want it to be a surprise.  Is that alright with you??"

"Sure, no problem."

We reached the point in our walk where we had to separate to go to our
respective homes.

"I'll see you later." Lane said to me.

"7:30PM sharp." I responded.

I was broken out of my thoughts as the water started to turn cold.  I got
out of the shower and dried myself off.  Great, now I had to decide what to
wear tonight!!  I choose something simple: blue jeans, a collared shirt,
and a pair of sneakers.  Casual and comfortable.  After I got dressed, I
still had about one hour to wait before I had to leave.  I was getting more
nervous as each second ticked by, so I decided to do some reading for one
of my classes to try and get my mind off of the rapidly approaching dinner.
Surprisingly, I was able to relax and actually get some of my homework
accomplished.  Before I knew it, the time had come for me to leave.

I walked over to the mirror hanging above my dresser and gave myself one of
my infamous pep talks.

"OK, Jaden, here's the deal.  You're going over to Lane's house for dinner.
There's NO pressure on you.  Just relax and enjoy a good meal and Lane's
company.  Lane already said that you are NOT obligated to talk about
anything tonight if you don't feel comfortable.  Play it by ear.  And, if
the time comes to tell Lane about "IT", be honest with him.  You don't need
to give him the X-rated version of what happened to you.  Give him the
facts, and then tell him how "IT" has affected your life."

I decided to bring George with me because I figured I might need him in
case I got too emotional when telling Lane about "IT".  Plus, I knew that
George loved to see Lane any chance that he got.  As we were walking over
to Lane's house, I wondered if any of his friends were going to be at our
dinner.  I knew I would be able to eat with them, but I was positive I
wouldn't be able to talk about my past in front of them.

It didn't take too long for George and I to arrive at Lane's house.  George
seemed to know exactly where he was.  He was pulling on his leash, itching
to get inside and see his 'favorite person in the whole wide world'.  I, on
the other hand, was not as eager to go inside.  I held George back while I
stood on the sidewalk staring at Lane's house for a few minutes.  The one
and only time I was here, I freaked out and outed myself.  I needed to
replace those bad memories with some good ones, so I hoped that tonight
would be a success.  I wondered if Lane would look at me any differently
between the time I entered and the time I exited his house.  Would I be
'the romantic interest' as I arrived but just 'the friend' as I left??

I noticed movement on the porch and the door opened to reveal Lane.  God,
he looked so good.  He was dressed in a pair of black jeans, a tight
pullover shirt, and a pair of sandals.  My nervousness level shot off the
charts.  I wanted to be anywhere but Lane's house right now.

"Jaden!!  Dude!!  Come on in!!"

George started yanking frantically on his leash at the first sighting of
Lane.  I let go of him and he practically sprinted across the yard and up
the porch steps.  Lane greeted him warmly.

"George!!  How's it going, buddy??"

He bent down and started scratching George behind the ears.  George was in
heaven.  I watched for a few seconds and then slowly approached them.  I
was telling myself to take deep breaths, desperately willing myself to calm
down.  Lane held the door open for me as I mounted the steps leading up to
the porch.  He and George moved out of the doorway to allow me access.  I
took another deep breath.

"Lane...hey.  Um...thanks for having me over for dinner."

We bumped fists, which had become our established greeting method.

"I'm glad you could make it.  Come inside."

We entered the house and the first thing I noticed was how good it smelled.
Whatever Lane was cooking for dinner was going to be delicious, if my nose
was correct in its assessment of the aromas coming from the kitchen.  The
second thing I noticed was that the living room was empty.  I had expected
to see at least one of the guys in here, perhaps playing a video game.
But, there was no one in sight.  Lane turned to look at me.

"The food is almost ready.  Can I get you something to drink while we
wait??  Some water perhaps??"

"Water sounds great.  Thanks." I replied.

"Have a seat and I'll be right back."  Lane said.  He turned and walked in
the direction of the kitchen.

As soon as Lane left the room, I bent down and removed George's leash.  He
immediately took off in the direction that Lane had just gone in.  Despite
my nervousness, I had to smile at the way my dog was acting.  I was pretty
sure I could leave George with Lane and completely disappear, and George
would be happy with that arrangement.

I sat down on the couch and looked around the living room.  The room looked
and felt different to me, probably because it wasn't full of people and no
music was playing.  It was nice room, very cozy.  As I continued looking
around, it suddenly occurred to me how clean everything was.  It definitely
looked like someone had taken the time to straighten up.  I looked down at
the carpeting and noticed the telltale signs of a vacuum having been run
recently.  I got a warm feeling in my chest.  He...he CLEANED...for ME!!
It was such a simple act, but the fact that he took the time to clean up
spoke huge volumes to me.  He's trying to impress me, I thought.  Is this
the perfect guy??

Lane and George came back into the living room after a couple of minutes.
He handed me a bottle of water.

"Here you go.  I hope you don't mind drinking it straight out of the
bottle."

"Not a problem.  Thanks." I replied with a smile.  He couldn't contain
himself and smiled right back.

"Dinner is almost ready.  The chicken needs to cook for about five more
minutes."

"So, we're having chicken for dinner??  You wouldn't tell me what we were
going to eat earlier."

"Didn't...didn't you say you wanted chicken??  Lemon chicken, that's what
you said when you won the bet, right??"  He sounded unsure of himself all
of the sudden.

He remembered that I told him I wanted lemon chicken!!  Gosh, I had been
here for five minutes and already he had scored a ton of points.  I could
feel myself starting to relax.  Maybe this evening will turn out OK.  I
have to keep thinking positive thoughts, I told myself.

"Yes.  Wow, you remembered that??  I'm impressed!!"

Lane smiled again, clearly proud of himself for getting the dinner
selection right.

"So...um, where are Nick and the rest of the gang?" I asked Lane.

"Everyone is out on dates with their ladies tonight."

Everyone was gone.  We're ALONE!!  Did he plan this, or was it simply a
coincidence??

"Oh...I see."  I said hesitantly.  Lane noticed my reaction.

"I hope that's OK with you."  He suddenly seemed unsure of himself, like
maybe it was a bad idea that we were here alone.  He decided to change the
subject.  "Don't worry, though...the girls helped me make the food.  It
should be edible."

"That's good to hear.  I didn't want to wear a fake smile during dinner!!"
I laughed.

Lane looked at me seriously for a moment.

"I'll take any kind of smile I can get."  He was staring at me right in the
eyes.

Gulp.  I actually gulped!!  OK, I thought, we've moved into the flirting
phase of the evening.  I was about to respond when I heard what sounded
like a timer going off.  Saved by the bell!!

"That's the oven timer.  I need to get the chicken out of the oven."

"Do you need any help??" I asked him.

"No, but you can come in the kitchen and make up your plate."

I followed Lane toward the kitchen, but I stopped for a minute as I rounded
the corner into the dining room.  The lights were dimmed, but I could still
see what was in the room.  I was looking at the table where we would
clearly be eating dinner and...it was beautiful.  A blue tablecloth was
covering the table.  Two place settings were set up, decked out with
plates, forks, spoons, knives, and cloth napkins.  Four candles sat in the
middle of the table, already lit.  In the middle of the four candles sat a
crystal vase with a single red rose in it.

The sight of the table took my breath away.  It was the single most
romantic thing I had ever seen in my life.  Suddenly, I realized something.
This isn't just dinner, this is a DATE!!  I was instantly nervous again.

Lane noticed that I stopped to check out the table and turned around to
face me.

"Oh...yeah.  I hope this," he gestured to the table, "is OK."

"OK??  OK??  Lane...I'm speechless.  It's...it's absolutely
breath-taking!!"

I didn't know a human being could smile so brightly.  He was positively
beaming after I complemented him on the table set-up.

"I'm so glad you like it."

"Like it??  It's awesome!!  I don't know what I did to deserve all of this.
Thank you!!"

And, for the first time since I had known him, I reached out to TOUCH HIM.
I put my hand on his upper arm.  Up until this point, I had doubted I would
ever work up the nerve to be able to touch him.  But, in that moment, I
couldn't help myself.  Even in the dimmed light, I could see that Lane was
blushing.  I'm positive he didn't expect ME to touch HIM.

"I...I'm...uh...I need to go get the chicken out of the oven."

He turned and quickly rushed into the kitchen.  I think I finally managed
to fluster him for a change!!  He was being so cute.

I followed him into the kitchen.  He was just pulling out a glass dish from
the oven as I arrived.  As good as the living room smelled, the kitchen was
even better.

"So, what else are we having for dinner??" I asked him.

"Baked potatoes and green bean casserole."

"Everything smells great, Lane."

"Thanks.  Most of the credit for tonight's meal has to go to Chrissy.
She's a really good cook.  She helped me out earlier and all I've been
doing is following her instructions."

"I can't believe you found a recipe for lemon-chicken."

"I have to admit that was Chrissy too.  She found a recipe on the
internet."  Lane looked around for a second. "I'll be right back."

He left the kitchen and returned a few moments later with our dishes.  We
each made up our plates and sat down in the dining room to eat.  Lane
waited to start eating because he was watching me as I took my first bite
of chicken.  He looked like he was on pins and needles as he waited for my
reaction.  It tasted incredible and I told him so.

"Wow.  This is EXCELLENT, Lane.  It's just a good as my Mom makes, maybe
even better."

He looked relieved when I told him how much I like the food.  After that we
both dug into our meals.

"So, Jaden, do you have any brothers or sisters??" Lane asked me.

"No.  I'm an only child." I responded.  "How about you??"

"I have a sister and a brother.  Sarah is nine years older than me and
Conner is three years older than me."

"Oh, so you're the baby of the family??"

"Yeah, but I wasn't spoiled, if that's what you're thinking." Lane said
with a smile.  I smiled back.

"So, what do your parents do for a living??" I asked him.

"My dad is a chemical engineer and my mom works for a medical insurance
billing company.  How about yours??"

"Mom's a nurse and dad is a graphic designer."

Before tonight, all of our conversations had been about school, sports, or
working out.  This was the first time we were asking each other these types
of personal questions and I felt like I was getting to know him so much
better.  We continued our back and forth volley of questions and answers
while we ate.  I was able to answer everything he asked with no problems.
However, sometime during the middle of dinner, he started a line of
questioning that I had some trouble with.  I didn't know how to respond
without revealing too much about my past.

"Dude, I couldn't believe it when I found out you grew up in Hudson
Valley!!  What a small world!!  It's funny, we grew up so close to each
other and yet we had to wait until college to meet and become friends."

"I know exactly what you mean.  Although, since our high schools are fierce
rivals, I doubt we could have been friends back then."

"Good point."  Lane was quiet for a second.  "Um...Jaden, can I ask you a
slightly more personal question??"

Shit!!  What did he want to know??  I started to panic.  I wasn't fully
prepared to start talking about "IT" yet.

"Um...shoot."

"Well...I guess I'm wondering WHY we haven't met before.  I don't remember
seeing you at any sporting events during high school.  I remember most of
the guys that played on your school teams.  I'm positive I've never seen
you before...until college.  I played football and basketball, and ran
track.  Didn't...didn't you play any sports??"

My mind was racing.  How was I going to answer these questions without
revealing too much about my past??  I decided I had to give him as little
information as I possibly could.

"I...um, I didn't play any sports while I was in high school."

"Really??  I have to admit, I'm surprised.  I mean, I've been able to see
what a good athlete you are just in the two games of basketball we played.
I assumed you played basketball in high school, at least."

"No, I didn't play."

I knew he wanted me to explain further, but I decided to keep quiet.  He
finally gave up trying to talk to me about high school sports and we moved
on to other things.  Luckily, no more awkward subjects came up during the
rest of dinner.  I was surprised, once again, how easy it was to talk to
Lane.  I felt like I could tell him anything, and that put me more at ease
for the difficult conversation we would be having later on.

We continued chatting well after we both finished eating.  Finally, it
seemed like the conversation, this one at least, was dying down.

"I'm stuffed.  The meal was excellent, Lane.  Thank you so much."

"Your welcome.  You did win the bet fair and square."

"Oh, is that the ONLY reason you made dinner for me??" I asked him in a
teasing tone.

"You got that right, buddy.  Don't expect this sort of thing every
weekend!!"

We took our plates into the kitchen.  Despite Lane's protests, I helped him
clean up.  We did the dishes together.  He washed and I dried.  We made a
good team.  It was like we were an old married couple.

Soon enough, all of the food was put away and everything was cleaned up.
We walked out into the living room.

"Would you like to sit in here or out on the porch??" Lane asked me.

"The porch sounds great."

We walked out onto the porch and sat down on the couch.  Lane sat down
close to me, but none of our body parts were touching.  George jumped up on
the couch and put his head in Lane's lap.  'Well, we're here', I thought.
It's time to tell Lane about my past.  My doubts resurfaced.  I wondered,
once again, if I should be doing this.  This time, however, some of the
doubts I had were because of the nice evening we had just shared.  I wanted
to preserve the memories I had.  If our talk went badly, I'm sure that's
the only thing I would remember about this evening.

But, I knew I had to do it.  I needed to let Lane into my life.  Besides,
this was perfect timing.  The guys were gone; Lane and I were all alone.
It was a nice evening out.  This was it!!  It was now or never!!

We were both silent for a couple of minutes after we sat down.  I think
both of us knew we were going to have a serious talk, but neither one of us
knew how to get started.  Finally, I decided I needed to take the bull by
the horns, so to speak, and get the ball rolling.

"Lane," I began.  He turned and looked me in the eyes.  "I mentioned that I
wanted to talk to you about something."

"I remember.  Jaden, like I said yesterday, there's no pressure.  If you
don't feel comfortable talking right now, I understand.  But, I want you to
know that I'm willing to listen to whatever you have to say."  He paused to
make sure he had my complete attention.  "You can trust me."

"I...I know I can.  The problem is I'm not sure where to begin." I took a
deep breath.  "I wanted to explain why I got so upset at the party.  Gosh,
it's hard to believe the party was only a week ago."

"Did you get upset because of something Kaylie did??"

"Well, she was coming onto me pretty strong all night long.  But, that's
not the whole reason why I freaked out."

Lane was letting me take my time and I appreciated that.

"It wasn't that she was just coming onto me.  She was...touching me.  At
first, it was just casual touching, but it still made me feel
uncomfortable.  At a certain point, she started to get frustrated because I
wasn't responding to her advances, so she turned up the heat.

I paused again.  This was embarrassing.

"Go on, Jaden.  It's OK." Lane said.

"She...she grabbed my crotch.  That's what set me off."

Lane looked upset when he heard what Kaylie had done.

"I need to explain WHY her grabbing me...there...was so difficult for me to
handle, but I'm having a hard time trying to figure out exactly what to
tell you."

"Maybe it would be easier to start at the beginning."

I thought that Lane's suggestion made a lot of sense.

"What I'm about to tell you is very personal. Very few people know this
story.  In fact, only my parents and two doctors know everything that
happened to me.  I'm...I'm afraid to talk to you about it and tell you the
things that happened to me when I was younger.  But, I want to tell you.  I
need to tell you."

Lane reached over and grabbed my hand.  I held onto him for dear life.

"'IT' happened one day when I was ten years old.  I was walking home from
school when this car pulled up alongside of me.  The driver...knew my
name!!  He told me his name was Leon and he worked at the hospital with my
mom.  He said that she had been hurt and my dad had sent him to pick me up
and take me to her.  I was so scared.  I had to get to my mom!!  So, I got
in the car, even though a part of me knew I shouldn't have.  I guess after
hearing the news about my mom, I wasn't thinking too clearly."

Lane was still holding my hand and squeezed it for moral support.  He was
looking at me intensely, but I found I couldn't maintain eye contact with
him.  I was alternating between looking down at our hands and looking in
his eyes.  Every time I looked up, he was always looking right back at me.

"What happened next is a bit fuzzy.  Sometime during the drive, Leon
slammed my head against the passenger door.  I hit my head so hard against
the window that I passed out.  When I came to, I was in a room.  It looked
like someone's bedroom.  I was handcuffed to the bed with two pairs of
handcuffs, one pair around each of my wrists and the other end attached to
a wooden slat on the headboard.  My feet were tied together too.  Leon was
sitting in a chair across from the bed and saw me wake up.  I looked over
at him.

"Where am I??  What's going on??" I choked out.  "At first, he just stared
at me.  I was having trouble focusing on him.  My head was pounding and my
wrists were starting to chafe from the handcuffs."

I stopped for almost a full minute and tried to collect myself as I got
ready to tell Lane the next part of my ordeal.  I felt a tear trickle down
my face.

"Leon forced me to do...things...to him.  Sexual things.  If I didn't obey,
he'd hit me.  He was acting crazy.  One minute, he'd be sweet and touch me
very gently.  The next minute, he'd start screaming and handling me
roughly.  He performed sexual acts on me too, although I don't remember
everything he did to me.  At some point my mind went blank.  I went
somewhere else, somewhere inside of myself.  The things that Leon did to me
were too much for my mind to process."

I continued to draw strength from Lane.  I don't know if I could have told
this story to anyone else.  He was awesome as he sat there and listened to
me.

"I was in that room for thirty-six hours.  Later on, my parents told me
what happened with the police while I was missing.  My mom called them
after I didn't come home from school.  After I had been missing long
enough, various detectives started interviewing anyone I had any type of
connection with: teachers at my school, neighbors, people who worked with
my mom and dad.  Finally, one of the detectives came to Leon's house to
interview him.  Leon really did work at the hospital with my mom.  He was
an orderly.  When the doorbell rang, Leon looked out the window, saw the
flashing light on the car and figured out it was the police.  He opened the
top drawer of the dresser that was sitting in the bedroom and he...he
pulled out a gun!!  I'm not sure what happened when Leon answered the door,
but moments later I heard gunshots.  Leon ran back in the bedroom and
slammed the door.  I found out later that he shot one the detectives, who
thankfully survived.  Before very long, policemen and police cars
surrounded Leon's entire house.  I was literally scared to death.  I was
convinced that Leon was going to shoot me.  He got so angry that the police
showed up at his house.  He started screaming at me and blaming me for
everything that had happened.  He said that I 'forced' him to kidnap me.
He started beating me, punching me repeatedly in the face.  He broke my jaw
in three places and knocked out several of my teeth."

I stopped and turned my head to face away from Lane.  I was out and out
crying now.  I couldn't stop the tears as they ran down my face and I
didn't even bother to wipe them away.

"I'm not sure how long it was from the time the police surrounded Leon's
house to the time they broke in.  At some point, they burst into the
bedroom.  More gunshots rang out.  I think I was screaming, at least as
much as I could in my condition.  When it was over, Leon was dead and I was
rescued."

I forced myself to look at Lane as I finished describing my rescue from
Leon.  He had tears in eyes too.

"Jaden...I don't know what to say.  I'm so sorry you had to go through all
of that."  He paused for a minute, I think debating if he should ask me any
questions about my ordeal.  "How...how badly were you injured??"

"The worst injuries were my broken jaw and shattered teeth.  My entire body
was one giant bruise.  My wrists were raw and bloody from the handcuffs."

I stopped again as I got ready to tell Lane the next area of my injury.

"I was...torn up...down there.  The doctors had to sew up the area to stop
the bleeding."

I couldn't say the exact word of this particular area.  It was too
humiliating!!

"They had to perform a few surgeries over the first six months after I was
rescued in order to fix my jaw properly.  My teeth, however, were ruined.
I had to wear braces for almost eight years.  Half of the teeth in my mouth
are permanent false teeth."

"I'm so glad you survived, Jaden.  I would never know to look at you now
that you had suffered those type of extensive injuries, especially to your
face.  I guess you were lucky."

"Lucky??  I'm not sure I feel that way.  I admit, my body did survive and
eventually heal from my physical injuries.  But, psychologically and
emotionally, I'm still suffering the effects of my kidnapping--and it
happened almost eleven years ago.  I'm not completely healed from those
injuries, which brings up another part of the story I need to explain to
you."

I stood up from the couch and walked a few feet toward one of the windows.
I stood with my back to Lane, facing the street.

"This part is more difficult to explain, and it's definitely more
embarrassing."

"Jaden, however you were affected, I would like to know.  I want to
understand who you are on the inside.  Please, take your time and tell me."

I turned my head and looked at him for a moment.  He was being so sincere.
He really wanted to know how all of this had affected me.  'Here's goes
nothing', I thought to myself.

"The sexual acts that Leon performed on me and forced me to perform on him
did something to me, Lane.  My mind completely shut off that part of me,
the sexual side.  The brain is a powerful organ.  My feelings were so
strong and so deeply embedded in my mind that it actually affected my
emotional and sexual growth when I started going through puberty.  In fact,
I would say that those areas were severely affected."

"I had a miserable time in high school.  I shut myself off from everyone,
even my own parents, at least to a certain extent.  I...I didn't try to
make any friends.  I didn't play any sports.  I didn't talk to anyone.
Everything...scared me."

I was choosing my words very carefully, trying to explain how I was
affected so that Lane would fully understand everything.

"As I entered puberty, I found that my mind was able to affect my body
physically.  While I was clearly growing taller and my voice was deepening,
I was not able to become...aroused."

Even though I was facing away from Lane, my cheeks were burning in
embarrassment.

"In fact, I never developed any feelings for anyone.  I never felt
attracted to anyone or had a 'crush' on someone.  I was a black hole of
feeling.  I didn't even know I was gay until I was seventeen years old!!
Not that any of that really mattered.  Even if I was able to have those
feelings, I wouldn't have been able to act on them.  I hated to be touched,
even by my own parents."

"My counselors explained to me over and over again that Leon's motivation
to kidnap me was never about sex for him." I continued.  "He was motivated
by the need to have power and control over another human being.  He most
likely confused those feelings with sexual ones.  It's also likely that he
wasn't even gay."

I felt myself starting to get angry.  I always did when I thought about
this part of my ordeal.

"Leon's true motivation doesn't really matter to me.  Even if it's true
that he didn't kidnap me for sexual reasons, the major way in which I was
affected WAS the sexual area.  I am, even to this day, completely terrified
of anything to do with sex.  I have never allowed myself to consider trying
to have a relationship, for fear that I would have to do something physical
with the other person."

"My feelings about sex caused my self esteem to suffer.  For a long time, I
tried to make myself as unattractive as I could to both males and females.
I didn't want anyone to develop feelings for me, or get a 'crush' on me.
Over time, I began to believe that I was unattractive, and I think those
negative thoughts about my appearance transferred to other areas of my
life.  I have a hard time ever thinking that anything I do or accomplish is
good enough.  I always think I'm failing somehow and that I'm not worthy of
praise for my achievements."

"As I got older, however, I did start to heal, but just a little bit.
Starting around the time that I graduated from high school, and now all
through college, 'IT" has caught me in this vicious circle.  By the way, my
parents and I always call what happened to me "IT".  Capital 'I', Capital
'T', with quotation marks."  I made the quotation marks hand signal.

"Anyway, like I said, I feel like I've been trapped in this vicious circle.
At some point, I started to realize that it might be inevitable for me to
have some type of relationship with another guy.  But when I begin thinking
that way, I start feeling stupid and embarrassed because I have ZERO
experience in terms of relationships and sexual issues.  And--I'm
twenty-one years old!!  I feel like I should have dealt with these issues
YEARS ago, when I was a teenager like every other normal human being.
Because I feel so embarrassed about my lack of experience, I feel like I
don't even want to try anything.  All this does is add another reason to my
(already) full list of excuses of why I want to stay alone.  Then, I
realize that I want to heal-fully heal-and part of that means I need to try
a relationship and, hopefully, find love.  But then I feel stupid again
because I'm so old and haven't done anything yet...do you see what I mean??
It's a confusing and frustrating place to be."

"I think what I'm ultimately trying to say is I've reached that point where
I'm ready to deal with my issues once and for all and put them behind me.
Something happened recently that triggered those feelings and forced me to
become more serious about wanting to complete the healing process."

I turned around to face Lane.  I needed to say this next part to him face
to face, even though it was incredibly difficult.

"I started my final year of college and on the second day of the school
year, this...guy taps me on the shoulder as I'm walking out of the student
gym.  And...my whole world changed."

I was forcing myself to look at him directly in the eyes.  He wasn't
breaking eye contact with me.

"For so many years, I've been content to be alone.  Just George and I
tackling the world.  I was...hell, I still AM secure in that arrangement.
It's been lonely, but also comfortable."

"But, all of that has changed now.  I was scared at first, actually
completely terrified, of this intrusion into the safe little world I had
built around myself.  I still am scared, but that feeling is lessening over
time.  And it IS TIME, Lane.  It's time that I stop letting Leon ruin my
life.  He kidnapped me when I was a ten-year-old boy.  In so many ways, I'm
still handcuffed to that bed.  I haven't been able to let go of him.  I
haven't been able to move on from the pain he caused me.  But,
circumstances have changed.  I'm ready to deal with that pain now.  I have
to do it.  Most importantly, I WANT to get better."

I stopped talking, my story finally completed.  I felt completely drained,
and an overwhelming sense of tiredness swept through my body.  I
practically staggered over to the couch and sat back down next to Lane.  I
figured he'd have questions about everything that I had just told him, but
I needed to rest for a few minutes.

Lane was also silent for quite awhile.  I think he needed to process all of
the information that I had just dumped on him.  I felt overwhelmed and it
happened to me!!  I could only imagine what Lane was feeling at the moment.
Finally, he spoke to me.

"Just so I'm understanding you correctly...the guy that tapped you on the
shoulder in the student gym??  That's me, right??"

He asked me that question so seriously.  It really wasn't that funny, but I
couldn't help myself.  I think I needed to release all of the tension that
I had built up inside of me, so I started to giggle.  Soon enough, I was
laughing as hard as I've ever laughed before.  I think Lane got caught up
in my laughter because he joined in with me.

Finally, our laughter started to subside.  I had to keep wiping the tears
coming out of my eyes off my face.  At least this time they were happy
tears.  When I would get close to finishing my laughter, another cases of
the giggles would hit me and they would last for a few seconds.  I would
calm down and think I was OK when, suddenly, the giggles would take over me
again.  Lane was having the same problems.  This went on for almost five
minutes.

"Oh My God.  Dude, seriously!!  I'm so sorry.  I swear, I wasn't laughing
at you!!" I said to Lane.  "To answer your question, yes.  I was referring
to you and the student gym."

We were both silent again.  I took another deep breath and continued.

"Lane, I...I like you.  You're such an incredible person.  You're funny,
intelligent, an amazing listener, and a loyal friend.  I guess, I'm
assuming that you...like me back??"

"I do, a lot."

"Even after everything I've just told you about me past??"  I knew the
question was unfair, especially because I asked it soon after telling him
what happened to me.  But, I was feeling very insecure and I just had to
know how he felt.

"Honestly, Jaden, I think I like you even more than I did before. You are
such a strong person.  You don't give yourself enough credit for that.  I
don't know if I could have gone through something like you did.  At the
very least, I'm positive I would react the same way you have and feel the
same way you do."

"A part of me, a huge part, really wants to...be with you.  But, I know,
logically, that I'm not ready to take that step...yet.  I will get there.
I'm committed to working through my issues."  I stopped talking for a
second.  "I know this is probably completely unfair of me to ask, but are
you willing to...to wait for me??  I really hate putting you in this
position.  I can only offer you friendship right now, which is not what you
deserve.  You deserve so much more than what I can give you."

"Jaden," Lane had a serious tone in his voice, "Listen to me and hear my
words.  There is something here, between the two of us."  He gestured back
and forth from me to him.  "I feel it.  You feel it.  I think it has the
potential to be something special.  I don't want to lose that.
You've...you've become very important to me.  I'm willing to wait for you.
I only ask one thing in return."

"What's that??" I asked apprehensively.

"Let me help you.  Here, tonight, you took a chance and let me into your
life.  You don't know how incredibly special I feel that you can trust me.
I don't want this to end.  I want to continue to be in your life.  Let me
in, let me go through this with you."

"It seems so incredibly unfair to you."

"Why don't you let me worry about that??  Listen, I wouldn't offer if I
wasn't sure I could handle it.  I refuse to let you slip away, Jaden Scott.
I simply refuse."

I'm not sure what came over me.  His words were so...powerful.  Nobody had
ever spoken to me that way before.  Nobody had ever made me feel so cared
for, maybe even loved.

I reached out and put my head on the back of his neck.  I slowly pulled him
into me and I...I KISSED him!!  It was absolutely incredible.  His lips
were softer than I expected them to be.  I felt so connected to him at that
moment.

The kiss lasted for about five seconds.  Feelings I never knew I could have
exploded all over my body.  My skin was tingling.  My first kiss!!  And,
with Lane!!

I let go of him.  He sat back into his seat as I did the same.  I couldn't
believe what I had just done.  I looked over at Lane.  He looked both
incredibly shocked and incredibly happy all at the same time.  A smile
formed on his face.

"Wow!!  What...why...what was...was that for??" He managed to sputter out.

"Many things." I responded. "It was a thank you, just for being you.  It
was a promise, from me to you, to not pull away.  It was a look into the
future, of things to come."

I scooted over so that I was closer to Lane on the couch.  Our bodies were
touching.  I leaned my head against the back of the couch.  Lane reach down
and tentatively grabbed my hand.  I intertwined my fingers with his.

No more words were needed tonight.  A feeling of peace and contentment the
likes of which I never had before took over my entire body.  For the first
time ever, the future didn't look dark.  In fact, I could clearly see the
light at the end of the tunnel.  Even the tunnel didn't look so long
anymore.


TO BE CONTINUED

Be on the lookout for Chapter 18 coming soon!!

FEEDBACK, FEEDBACK, FEEDBACK---This is lifeblood for us writers, so please
drop me a quick line.

My e-mail address is: jaden.scott@adelphia.net