Date: Sat, 4 Nov 2006 05:32:13 -0800 (PST)
From: Lusty <lustyville@yahoo.com>
Subject: Lucas and Lionel-Part 20. Beginning the Comeback

     My mother called the police and told them I was up. Michael
and Henry left when the policeman arrived to take my statement. I
explained that it was an accident and I didn't want to press
charges. My mother had a hissy fit, "Officer can we press charges
for him?"

     "I'm sorry ma'am, but your son is old enough to make his own
decisions. If he says it was an accident, I have to believe him."

     "No you don't! I watch the news. I've seen cases where some
poor woman was being beat by her husband and she didn't want to
press charges but the city pressed charges anyway. I'm not
stupid! I know there's something you can do to keep that boy away
from my son."

     "Ma'am, please calm down. Some areas do have laws about this
sort of thing, unfortunately this is not one of those areas. If
your son won't cooperate, there's nothing we can do."

     "Stop talking about me like I'm not here. I am cooperating.
It really was an accident," I told them. My mother, father and
the policeman all gave me a look that told me they didn't believe
me, but I also knew in my heart that Lionel wasn't trying to push
me down the stairs. "I lost my balance and I fell. Okay? That's
what happened so stop trying to make this in to a big deal."

     "But it is a big deal," my mother said as she sat down on
the bed next to me. I hated Henry and Michael for spilling their
guts to her. They told her everything they had heard or seen and
went to great lengths to describe various bruises I had.

     My father seemed content to ignore me but for some reason,
he felt compelled to speak. "What's wrong with you Luke? Being
gay isn't good enough for you, you gotta go and be a fucking
pansy as well? Grow some balls and be a man goddammit! That boy
hurt you and everyone in this room knows it, so just say it, so
we can help you!"

     "It was an accident."

     My father looked at my mother and pointed to me. "See! You
see this shit! I can't put up with it! You asked me to be nice to
him and not hurt his precious little feelings because he's in a
lot of pain and his heart is broken, but look at this piece of
shit! Lionel put him in a goddamn hospital bed and he wants to
sit here and defend that fucking boy. I bit my tongue when he
woke up and asked all those questions about his little boyfriend,
but I will not sit by quietly and watch this go down." My father
looked at me. "Do you enjoy having the crap beat out of you? Is
that it?" I couldn't respond. "We didn't raise you to be this way
and I'm not going to stand here and watch you make an ass of
yourself. Lionel doesn't love you! He probably never has. He's a
sick bastard and you're an even sicker bastard for putting up
with him. If you want him, fine, have him!" Then he looked in my
eyes. "You're even less of a man than I thought you were." He
stormed out of the room. I lowered my head in shame. The
policeman gave me his card and excused himself and my mother
stayed in the room and held my hand as I battled with my
thoughts.

     I spent three days in the hospital paralyzed from the waist
down and one day I finally felt something. At first it was a
passing surge of numbness or a slight tingle every now and then,
so I didn't tell anyone because I was afraid that I was imagining
the sensations. Then, about five days after I woke up, I felt my
legs again. To say I was relieved would be an understatement. I
couldn't imagine my life without basketball, which for some
strange reason was my biggest complaint about possible paralysis,
as if basketball was the only use I had for my legs.

     My father didn't come back to see me but that didn't bother
me. In fact, I preferred his absence because I didn't want to
look in his eyes and see his disappointment. At least my mother
seemed more sad for me than anything else and while her constant
looks of pity made me want to scream, her presence made me feel
better. Michael and Henry were in and out of my room, visiting
whenever they could and giving me their own variations of my
mother's look of pity. I stopped asking them about Lionel after
the first day because they didn't seem very forthcoming with
information and they made it clear that they didn't want to talk
about him.

     Troy and James from the basketball team came to see me. They
gave me a ball autographed by the team and I found myself
searching the ball for Lionel's name, but it wasn't there. I just
wanted to touch something of his. Troy apologized for teasing me
about my bruises. "I'm sorry man, I had no idea what was going
on."

     "It's okay," I told him.

     "No, it's not, but I tell you what, when you get out of this
place, I'll come to your dorm and wait on you. I can be your
personal servant for a week."

     "That's okay. I'm sure I can manage."

     "No, I insist. I won't feel right until I make it up to
you."

     "Dude chill, he's obviously not interested in your help,"
James told him.

     "I wasn't talking to you," Troy said then he turned his
attention back to me. "So when are you getting out anyway?"

     "I don't know. I just got feeling in my legs and the doctor
is talking about rehab, but he said I'm young and healthy so I
should be back on my feet in no time because nothing is broken.
I'm hoping to play in our last home game."

     "Is that realistic?"

     "Probably not but I'll be happy to suit up and walk out on
the court with you guys. Hopefully I'll be able to do that." I
knew the NBA was definitely not in my future so any hope I had of
basketball glory had to be achieved in college or discarded
forever.

     "That's cool. Don't push yourself too hard though. I don't
want you to get hurt trying to get back to us. We're going to
need you next season."

     "I won't rush, but I can't wait to get back. Basketball is
my life."

     "I thought Lionel was your life," quipped James.

     "James!" Troy shouted.

     "Sorry," James said.

     "No, don't be sorry. You're right. Lionel meant a lot to me.
He still does."

     "What? The two of you are still together?" asked Troy.

     "Not exactly. I know I can't be with him right now, but I
still have hope. He's getting help and I don't know, maybe one
day, who knows."

     "He pushed you down a flight of stairs," Troy said before
his eyes took on that look of pity that I detested.

     "Please don't look at me like that."

     "Sorry, I'm not trying to. I don't pity you, if that's what
you think. It's just that you seem like a great guy and I don't
understand how you could be with someone who would treat you so
badly. You"

     "deserve better. I know." I told him, finishing his
sentence. "Don't you think I've heard it before?"

     "Yeah man, I'm sure you have. It's none of my business
anyway. Forget I said anything."

     "We should leave," James said.

     "Okay."

     I was surprised when Troy walked over to me and gave me a
hug. "I'm going to come back and check on you, so take care of
yourself until I see you again, okay man?"

     "Okay. Thanks for coming," I told them as they walked
towards the door.

     "No prob, dude," said James.

     Michael and Henry were walking in as Troy and James walked
out. "Damn Henry, he's replaced us already," Michael joked. James
kept walking, but Troy stopped for a second and nodded at them
before he walked out the door. They each gave me a hug and then
pulled up a chair next to my bed.

     "How are you feeling?" asked Henry.

     "Much better. Today is the best I've felt all week."

     "Yeah, you look better," said Michael. "I guess that's what
happens when you get a visit from two cuties from the basketball
team."

     "Troy and James?"

     "Yes!"

     "What? I'm not looking at them like that. I'm surprised
they're still talking to me now that everyone knows I'm gay."

     "I'm not. You're a good basketball player and they need you.
We're all mature adults now, right?"

     "Speak for yourself," said Henry and we laughed.

     After the laughter subsided, Michael started talking, "I
wouldn't be surprised if that Troy had a crush on a certain
someone in this room."

     "Who?" I asked.

     "Who do you think?"

     "Me? No way! He just feels bad about teasing me about my
bruises."

     "Right, that's why he blushed when he was leaving."

     "You made him uncomfortable. Lots of people blush when
they're uncomfortable. That doesn't prove anything."

     "How long did they stay?"

     "Not you too Henry! They didn't stay that long. They came in
and gave me this ball, then Troy apologized about some comments
he made and they left."

     "What did he say when he apologized?" asked Michael. I could
hear the excitement in his voice.

     "He offered to be my personal servant for a week to make it
up to me."

     "Oooh," they said in unison.

     "Stop it, you guys! You know I'm still holding out for
Lionel."

     Their smiles faded and I could feel the happiness empty the
room and leave only their judgments behind. "Lucas, you can't
mean that."

     I regretted opening my big mouth. "Look guys I know how you
feel about him and you know how I feel about him. I didn't mean
to bring it up so let's just pretend I didn't."

     "We're going to have to talk about it eventually," Henry
said.

     "Well will one of you at least tell me what happened to him?
Where is he? Why hasn't he called me or come to visit?"

     "He was out on bail, but thanks to you refusing to file
charges, the case was dropped and he's a free man. He's back on
the basketball team acting as if nothing happened. I heard the
coach is making him do anger management in addition to the
therapy, but I don't know. As to why he hasn't called you or come
to visit, I'm sure he knows better than to show his face around
here again. He came to see you right after he posted bail and
your mother lit in to him pretty good. She made it clear that he
wasn't welcome here and he better leave you alone. Then she had
the police escort him away. It was a little scary at the time,
but looking back, it was pretty funny. You should have seen the
two little guys who drug him out of here."

     "How did he look when you saw him? Did he look okay?"

     "He looked fine and that's all I care to say about him, so
let's drop the subject."

     "Henry, come on."

     "I told you what you've been dying to know since you opened
your eyes, what more do you want from me?"

     "I don't know. I want to talk about him. I miss him. I can't
be with him and I don't want to be with him right now, but that's
not going to erase him from my mind. I want to know what he's
doing and how he's feeling. Is his therapy helping? Things like
that."

     "Do you want to see him?"

     I felt shame as I answered, "Yes," but truthfully I did want
to see him. Although, I only wanted to see him from a distance
because I didn't want him to see me; I wasn't ready to look him
in his eyes yet.

     "You've got to be kidding me!" yelled Michael.

     "Mike, calm down, I got this," Henry told him. "I tell you
what Lucas. You want to know how Lionel's doing and I want to
make sure you're okay. So how about I check on Lionel for you and
tell you how he's doing, if you promise to leave him alone for
the time it takes you to rehab in here because talking to him may
delay your progress. You don't need to deal with the stress he
brings, but at the same time, I know you'll drive yourself crazy
if you don't know what's going on with him. So what do you
think?"

     I had to admit that his plan sounded good. I wanted to put
off direct communication with Lionel until I had more time to
think and Henry was offering me the perfect arrangement. I tried
not to smile when I said, "Sounds fair to me."

     "I mean it though. No contact with him at all. Can you
promise me that?"

     "I guess so."

     "Don't guess, know."

     "Okay. I won't talk to him until I'm better."

     "Not even if he calls?"

     "Not even if he calls. I'll tell him I have to focus on me
right now and he should focus on himself."

     "Good, that sounds really good."

     "No it doesn't! Henry what's wrong with you? He needs to cut
off everything with Lionel. He shouldn't care if he's alive or
dead after what that jackass did to him."

     "Michael shut up. Would you rather Lucas talk directly with
him? Is that what you want, because that's what's going to happen
if one of us doesn't suck it up and do it! I agree he shouldn't
have anything to do with Lionel, but he doesn't realize that yet
and this is the best alternative I can come up with."

     I was surprised that Henry would reveal his plan with me
sitting right there. "So that's the master plan, huh?"

     "What?" asked Henry.

     "You want to serve as our mediator so you can monitor our
discussions and hopefully drive us apart."

     "I'm not going to drive you apart. I'm sure Lionel can do
that all by his self and your time away from him can only give
you a little clarity about your situation."

     "You got it all figured out, don't you?"

     "I like to think I do," he said with the smile returning to
his face.

     "Okay, you got me. I'm not talking to Lionel any time soon.
I promise." The rest of our conversation was Lionel-free and
after a while, the tension left over from talking about him was
gone.

     My mother stopped by for a few minutes before visiting hours
were over. She made another excuse for my father's absence and I
played along even though we both knew why he wasn't there.

     After she left, I was alone with my thoughts. My first
thoughts were about Lionel, but then I thought about my day. I
found myself thinking about Troy. He was 6'3" and similar in
build to Lionel. His eyes were a light hazel color that
contrasted with his honey brown skin tone. His wavy black hair
was usually cut so short that you couldn't see the waves, but he
had been growing it out lately and getting it braided and now it
was a little past his ears. It wasn't braided when he came to
visit me and I remembered him tucking some of his hair behind his
ear while he talked to me. I had to admit that it was kind of
cute. I closed my eyes as I thought about Troy but I went to
sleep with Lionel as my final conscious thought.

     I woke up the next morning with flowers sitting next to me
and a note. I opened the note and it read, "Hey Lucas, I heard
you woke up. I miss you and I'm sorry. Call me. Lionel"

     I had just enough time to smell the flowers before Henry
walked in. "Ooh, who sent you flowers?" he asked. Before I could
respond, he picked up the note and read it. Then he took the note
and the flowers and put them in the trash.

     "Why'd you do that?" I asked.

     "No contact, remember?"


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