Date: Mon, 15 Jan 2007 00:38:22 -0800 (PST)
From: Lusty <lustyville@yahoo.com>
Subject: Lucas and Lionel. Part23- There's Always More

     I didn't have to tell Henry the Lionel story because Michael
beat me to it. I woke up the morning after I went to dinner with
Lionel, and Michael and Henry were in the living room chatting
away.

     I was still groggy when I walked out to see them. "What are
you guys gossiping about?" I asked.

     Henry looked disappointed. "I can't believe you went to
dinner with Lionel. I thought we agreed that you wouldn't talk
directly to him."

     "He walked up on me when I went outside and"

     "So he's stalking you now?"

     "He wasn't stalking me. He knew I was here and he wanted to
talk to me so he stood outside and waited for me."

     "Was he going to stand outside all day?"

     "I don't know. He sure as hell wasn't going to knock on the
door." I felt like they were attacking me.

     "Don't look at me like that." Michael said.

     "Like what?" I asked. My mind went to Lionel.

     "Like it's my fault. I don't like him and he's not welcome
here."

     "Why are you guys trying to control my life? I can make my
own decisions."

     Michael spoke, "Nobody said you couldn't."

     "Michael, didn't we have this argument last night?"

     "Yes and you still don't get it."

     I sighed. "I'm going back to bed." I turned and walked back
to the bedroom.

     "Come back and talk to me," Henry said.

     "I'll talk to you later." I shut the bedroom door and laid
down on the floor next to Troy.

     "What's going on?" Troy asked as he put his arm around me.

     "Michael and Henry were attacking me about going to dinner
with Lionel. They think I shouldn't see him at all."

     "Yeah, I think Michael made that clear last night."

     I laughed picturing Michael's hysterics from the night
before. "Yeah, he did." Troy pushed his sleeping bag open and I
cuddled up next to him. He kissed my neck and rubbed my arm as I
fell asleep.

     Henry woke me up a little while later and talked to me about
seeing Lionel. He wasn't as judgmental as Michael, but I could
tell he was far from pleased. He wanted me to be careful and he
asked a lot of questions. Troy interrupted a few times and shared
his opinion but he tried to stay out of it.

     Over the rest of the week, I tried to figure out why I
couldn't just be with Troy and be happy. My mind knew I should
but my heart was still confused.

     Michael and I attempted to talk about Lionel one more time.
Michael said I was crazy to still love Lionel. I tried to explain
to him that I would always love Lionel but that didn't mean I was
dumb enough to go back with him. There was a lot of shouting.
Michael and I decided not to talk about Lionel again because we
weren't able to have a civil discussion when Lionel was
concerned.

     Troy moved out of the apartment after his week of servitude.
He didn't want to go but Michael left him no other choice. I was
sad to see Troy leave but I have to admit that I was relieved to
have the constant bickering end. Living with Troy and Michael was
stressful and I had enough things on my plate without adding them
to the mix.

     Troy came to Michael's apartment early Monday morning so he
could walk me to campus. He and Michael had an argument about who
should walk me and I had to let them know that both of them could
walk with me at the same time.

     I felt strange when we reached campus. "Am I imagining that
everyone is staring at me?" I asked Michael.

     "Yes. No one is looking at you."

     "Yeah, you're not that popular," Troy joked.

     I flashed a smile and kept walking even though my stomach
was filled with butterflies. I hadn't set foot on campus since I
fell down the stairs. A few guys from the basketball team saw us
and came over to speak to me and tell me that they were looking
forward to me coming back next season. One of the guys told me
they were giving Lionel a hard time because of what he had done
to me and I wondered why Troy hadn't mentioned anything.

     I couldn't stop the feeling of sadness I had for Lionel.
"Don't be too hard on him," I blurted out. Everyone looked
confused. "He didn't mean to hurt me."

     Michael threw his arms in the air, sighed loudly and walked
away. "What's wrong with him?" asked one of the guys.

     "He and I see the situation differently."

     "Oh."

     "Lucas needs to get to class so he'll have to give you the
play by play later," Troy said as he grabbed my arm and pulled me
away from the guys. We reached the building of my first class and
I stopped. "Are you okay?"

     "I'm fine. It's just. Well. You don't have to walk me to the
door. I'm a big boy. I think I can handle it from here."

     He laughed. "I don't mind. In fact I'm not doing this for
you, I'm doing this for me. I want to make sure you make it to
your class and I'm going to worry about it unless I see it for
myself."

     "Worry about what? Me running in to Lionel?" I smiled, but
he didn't. "Oh my goodness, that's what you're worried about.
What do you think Lionel is going to do to me?"

     "It's not that. It's more about how you're going to react if
you see him."

     "You don't have to worry. I'll be fine if I see him. I've
seen him before." I waved at him. "You can leave now." I took one
step forward and then I heard someone calling our names. I turned
around and saw James running in our direction. James stopped next
to me.

     He looked at Troy then back at me. "So what's going on with
you two?"

     "Nothing," Troy quickly replied. "We're just friends. I mean
you know he's had a hard time with Lionel and I just"

     "Troy I'm just fucking with you. I already know what's going
on." I had to look at him closer when he said that because I
could hear in his voice that he meant he knew for certain what
was going on. "So how are you feeling Lucas? You all healed up?"

     "For the most part."

     "Yeah, I know what you mean. It's not easy to mend a broken
heart."

     "He didn't say that," Troy told him.

     "He didn't have to." James put his hand on my shoulder. "I
know we're not close, but you can always talk to me if you need
to." He looked at Troy. "I'm good at keeping secrets. Ask Troy."

     "Really?" I gave Troy a questioning look and Troy blushed.

     "We'll have to talk to you later. Lucas doesn't want to be
late for his class." Troy walked past James. "Come on Lucas."

     I said, "Bye James."

     He replied, "Call me."

     Once inside the building, I asked, "Was he hitting on me?"

     "No, he's straight."

     "Are you sure?"

     "He's my best friend. I think he would tell me."

     "Oh, so what was all that about?"

     "He knows how I feel about you and he's stupid, he thinks we
should all be friends."

     "That's not stupid."

     Troy walked me to the door of my class. He handed me a small
envelope. "I'm going to be in class when you get out so I can't
pick you up, but here's my room key. I'm in room 211 in Hudson
Hall. I wrote that on a sheet of paper in there in case you
forget. James is my roommate. He might be there I'm not sure, but
it doesn't matter because he knows you may stop by so it's not an
issue."

     "Thanks."

     "One more thing."

     "What?"

     "Where are we meeting for lunch?"

     We made arrangements for lunch and he left. I walked in the
classroom and introduced myself to the professor who was
surprised to see me.

     "I heard about your ordeal young man." He shuffled some
papers. "The work you've sent in has been excellent. You're doing
better than most of the students who have been in class
everyday."

     "Really? I thought class participation was a big part of the
grade?"

     "I sent you extra work to make up for that and you've turned
everything in and now you're here so I'm sure you'll be
participating. I can't fathom a reason why you won't continue to
excel in this class."

     "I can. I have never studied as much as I did when I was in
the hospital. It helped keep my mind off of where I was but now
I'm having difficulty focusing on the work."

     "Well whatever the case. I'm pleased to see you in class
today and I hope you will continue to do well but if you feel you
need some extra help, both of my teaching assistants have office
hours. Now if you'll please take a seat, class will begin in a
minute."

     I took a seat in the front of the room. About halfway
through class I got the feeling that I was being watched so I
looked around. There was a preppy looking black guy a few rows
back, staring at me. He didn't even look away when I caught him.
I turned around and tried to listen to the professor but I was
too busy going over scenarios about the mystery guy. I started to
feel paranoid which caused me to stay in my seat at the end of
class and wait for the guy to leave. I walked out the door and
the guy was waiting for me.

     "You're Lucas Donnelly aren't you?"

     "Yes."

     "Will you talk to me for a few minutes?"

     "About what?"

     He pushed open a door and walked in to an empty classroom.
"Something important." He sat down at a desk and motioned for me
to sit next to him.

     I was afraid of what he knew, but I wanted to deal with it
then and get it over with, so I sat down. "What have you heard
about me?" I asked.

     "I hear you're a wonderful person and you've been hurt by
someone you trusted."

     "Does everyone know?"

     "I don't think so. Jay told me."

     "Lionel?"

     "Oh, I forgot you called him that. He said he treated you
like shit but he only did it because he loved you so much. You
have to understand that he didn't know any better. He had a rough
childhood and nobody ever showed him how to love. I mean he knows
what he did was wrong and he is so sorry and he's miserable
without you. I know I'm stepping out of line but would you please
just call him. That's all I'm asking for: call him. You don't
have to talk to him or anything, just say hi. He's in real bad
shape and I'm scared for him. I can't watch him every minute of
the day."

     I stared at the guy trying to figure out who he was because
I had never seen him with Lionel before. Something about him
reminded me of Lionel though. They had similar facial features.
His eyes and nose were shaped like Lionel's and his build was
about the same. He was a few shades lighter than Lionel. "Who the
hell are you?" I asked out loud.

     "Oh I'm sorry. I should have told you. My name is Jayvon,
but you can call be Von. I'm Lionel's brother."

     "Lionel doesn't have a brother."

     "Yes he does. Our mother raised me here and I didn't get to
see Lionel much, but we talked on the phone every now and then
and I knew about our father and his stepmother and you, Lucas
Donnelly."

     "Lionel would have told me if he had a brother."

     "Look I don't know why he didn't tell you about me because
he told me all about you. He didn't come here to come over to my
house and have dinner with us and pretend to be a good family, or
to spend the weekend with us or to get to know me better. He came
here to be with you because he couldn't imagine his life without
you in it. You were the only bright spot he had."

     "What about Ronnie?" I didn't particularly care about his
answer I only wanted to know if he really knew as much as he
claimed to know about Lionel.

     "Ronnie scared the hell out of him. He didn't know anything
about being a father."

     "So he abandoned him with a pervert?"

     "It isn't like that."

     "Well what is it like then?"

     "Lionel did the best he could do given the situation and now
he's trying to fix things. If you would talk to him, you would
know that he is trying to get his son away from that woman and
he's going to move him here to live with us."

     "Lionel left his son with that woman, there's no excuse for
that."

     "Lionel was fucked up. He could barely take care of himself
and you wanted him to take care of a child! My mother offered to
help him out when I told her he was in counseling, but before
that he didn't have anyone to depend on besides you."

     "Where was your mother when that woman was molesting him? Or
when his father was beating him?"

     "What was she going to do? She couldn't afford another mouth
to feed and she didn't want Lionel to go in to foster care. She
would have taken both of us if she could have, but she couldn't,
so she left Lionel behind. She knew our father would smack him
around a little bit but I don't think she ever thought her own
sister would abuse him."

     "Her sister?"

     "His stepmother."

     `So that's why she could pass for Lionel's mother,' I
thought. "But that makes her his"

     "Yes, she's his aunt. My mother just thinks she hit him, she
doesn't know about the other things her sister did to him and
Lionel doesn't want her to know either."

     I sat back and appraised his outfit. He didn't look like he
was doing too badly. "You don't look like you're starving," I
told him, "She should have taken Lionel too. How could she leave
him?"

     "Don't be fooled by the clothes, my mother and I were
struggling until a few years ago. Now she finally has her shit
together and she has a good job and I'm working too. I got an
academic scholarship here so we don't have to worry about that
and Lionel is working so we have three incomes at the house."

     "Lionel lives with you?"

     "Yes. My mother made him move in with us after he was
assaulted."

     "Assaulted?"

     "A group of guys beat him up a few weeks ago. He wasn't
seriously hurt or anything but I think it brought back memories
because he showed up at our doorstep in pretty bad shape. My
mother didn't want him to be alone after that."

     "Did he file charges?"

     "No. He thought he deserved it for how he treated you. He's
been real messed up since what happened between you guys. I
hadn't seen him smile again until you went to dinner with him
last week. His therapist says he's making progress but I don't
see it. He seems worse to me."

     "I'm sorry he's unhappy but I can't help him."

     "Just call him, please. Let him hear your voice."

     "I'll think about it." A student walked in the room and sat
down and that made me wonder what Jayvon was doing at my school.
"How old are you anyway?"

     "Same age as Lionel, we're twins."

     "You don't look like twins."

     "Well we're not identical."

     That somehow made the story worse. "So you mean to tell me
that your mother picked you over Lionel, left him with a monster
of a father, knew about it, but left him there anyway, then
allowed her sister to abuse him for years and screw with his head
even more, and she didn't do anything about it, and now Lionel is
living with you like you're all some big happy fucking family?"

     "It's more complicated than that. Come with me to my house
so I can show you something." Jayvon said.

     "I have a class in ten minutes."

     "Skip it. I'm missing a class right now. You need to see
what I'm going to show you."

     "Not today." I grabbed my books and ran out of the room
trying to escape him. Things started to make sense. I remembered
times when Lionel would be gone for the whole weekend to some
mystery place he never spoke about and now I knew where he had
been. No wonder Lionel was petrified of me leaving him. His real
mother had abandoned him in that hell hole. When he told me the
lady in his house was his stepmother, I just assumed his real
mother had died and given the circumstances I think I would have
preferred it if she had. Lionel's words the night he told me
about his abuse played in my ear: Is that enough for you, or do
you want to hear some more, because I've got more.

     I never would have been able to guess he had so much more to
tell. I just assumed the abuse was bad enough. My heart hurt
thinking about how he must have felt as a child knowing that his
twin brother had a life that could have easily been his and
knowing that no one loved him enough to care about what happened
to him, not even his own mother. I bumped in to someone at the
building's entrance. Of course it had to be Lionel.

     "Hey Lucas."

     "Hey."

     "Why are you running?"

     "I met your brother."

     "I meant to tell you about him."

     "It doesn't matter. You and I are not together anymore so
it's none of my business."

     "We're still friends though, right?"

     "If we were, you wouldn't have to keep asking. I don't know
what we are." I couldn't look at him without wanting to pull him
in to a hug and cry for his lost childhood so I took off. I
walked down the path and ignored Lionel calling after me. I saw
Troy a few students ahead talking to James. I ran and tapped him
on the shoulder.

     "What's up? How was your class?" he asked.

     "It was good until the end."

     "What happened?"

     "I met Lionel's brother."

     "Oh, you met Jayvon?"

     "You knew about him?"

     "Everybody does. He just enrolled this semester."

     James added, "He was the person who came to tell us that
Lionel had been attacked."

     "You knew about that too!" I yelled at Troy.

     He scowled at James and then said, "Yes."

     "Why didn't you tell me?"

     "I didn't think you needed to know."

     "You're just like Michael and Henry!" I tried to contain my
anger. "I'm going to class."

     "But you don't have class right now."

     "Thanks for memorizing my schedule!" Everyone was trying to
control me, including Troy and that pissed me off. I was more
than capable of making my own decisions and taking care of
myself. I didn't need them to try to protect me or decide what I
did and didn't need to know.

     "I just"

     "Save it!" I rushed off in a huff and went to the one place
on campus where I felt safest: my old room. I walked in the room
and found it completely barren. I hadn't given up my room
assignment yet and it appeared neither had Lionel because no one
had moved in. I closed the door and dropped to the floor so I
could get out a good cry, but my cry was interrupted by a knock.
I wiped my face and opened the door. Lionel was standing there.

     "I followed you," he said before he stepped in the room,
shut the door and locked it.


Copyright Lustyville 2007
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