Date: Sat, 7 Jan 2006 23:27:27 -0800 (PST)
From: Lusty <lustyville@yahoo.com>
Subject: Lucas and Lionel-Part 4. Say It Ain't True

     I take a deep breath before I open the door. I expect to see
Lionel knocked out on his bed. He sounded pretty bad when I
talked to him. I mean he asked me to come get him like he was out
in the street somewhere and then he tells me he's in our room. I
open the door and am shocked to find Lionel sitting on my bed
staring at me.

     "You came?" I see the look of surprise in his eyes. I also
see the red. His eyes are bloodshot and scary looking.

     "Of course I came. You needed me." I smile at him and then I
close the dorm door and lock it. I promise myself that neither of
us will leave the room until we talk. I know I drove him to
drink. He couldn't deal with having a gay roommate. This is all
my fault. He rips his gaze away from me and stares at the floor.

     "Man this is fucked up!" He looks back up at me and I'm not
sure what I see in his eyes. The only thing I know is that he
needs me. I should be comforting him and making it easier for him
to say whatever he needs to say to me. I walk over to him and sit
down on the bed next to him. I put my arm around him and pull him
close. His eyes are focused on the door. I wonder what I should
say, but I'm scared to say anything to him. We sit in silence for
a few minutes. I have a million thoughts racing through my head.
What should I say to him? Should I even bother trying to have a
conversation with him while he's drunk? Did I do this to him?
What's wrong with me? What's wrong with us? Why did he do this?
Why did he call me? I finally decide to just say something.

     "I'm sorry." He turns to look at me.

     "What?"

     "I'm sorry for putting you through this. I wish you could
have found out another way, but nothing will change who I am. You
said you were okay with it, but we don't even talk about it. You
act like it never happened." I'm not sure if I'm being too
aggressive with him, but he needs to hear this.

     "Don't you get it!" he screams. He pulls away from me and
jumps up. "It's not you. It's me. It's fucking me! Something's
wrong with me! I walked in and saw you with that fucking guy and
it felt like you ripped my heart out. My chest hurt so badly and
I couldn't breathe. I didn't know what was wrong with me!" He
turns around and looks at me. I know I must be a sight because
I'm sure that I am white as snow. His words seemed to offer
everything I ever wanted to hear. He must see the hope in my
eyes. "I'm not gay! I'm not fucking gay! I'm not! I just." He
pauses for a minute and I can see his mind searching for words.
"I just. I don't know. I had this idea that I would come here and
we'd fuck around, but instead I find you with him. I'm not gay! I
just thought it would be you and me. I thought we could you
know." I give him a questioning look because he's confusing the
hell out of me. "I thought we could experiment." He sits back
down on the bed. "I noticed you checking me out a long time ago.
I used to get turned on thinking that you were watching me. I
wondered what it would be like to be with you and to hold you and
to kiss you. I don't like guys. I just like, I mean liked, you."

     I can't think of anything brilliant or witty to say. "Wow."
I'm just thinking out loud.

     He has a little laugh. "Aint this some shit! I tell you
what's on my fucking heart and all you can say is `wow.' Say
something else." We look in to each other's eyes. "Please."

     "I don't know what to say."

     "Say you felt something for me, too. Say you were calling
that punk Lionel because you wished he was me. Say I'm not crazy
to think that there's something between us; that there's always
been something between us."

     "I'm in love with you." I don't know why or how the words
came out, but they did. The truth came running from my lips like
it was on fire. We both sat there in the shock of my words,
shocked in to silence. I was mentally bashing myself for letting
such words come out. How could I blurt that out so easily? After
a few moments of silence, I realize that I am still staring in to
his eyes. We sit there staring in to each other's eyes. I wonder
if he is having the same conversation in his head that I am
having in mine. I realize that he is leaning forward. His lips
attack mine and I happily give in. He pulls back.

     He whispers, "You taste good."

     "So do you." I know that's only half true. Most of him
tastes like beer, but there is another distinct taste, a taste
that is pure him; his taste. His taste is good and intoxicating
all by itself.

     He pushes me back on the bed and puts his lips against mine
again. His tongue forces its way in my mouth and there is a hint
of violence and brutality in his raw passion. There is a small
voice in my head that yells at me to stop. `This isn't right,' my
mind says. Part of me wants to stop, but I have wanted him too
long to pass on any affection from him. His tongue returns to his
mouth. He bites my bottom lip a little as he lifts his lips away
from mine. It's not enough to draw blood, but it does remind me
that I am alive and this is real. I wonder if it was an accident,
but I know it isn't when I feel his teeth scrape at my neck a
little. I gasp from the feeling. He replaces his teeth with his
tongue and uses his tongue to trace along the places he touched
with his teeth. Next he puts his soft lips down on my neck and
begins a suction that is sure to leave a mark. I feel like I am
floating above my body looking down at us. I'm afraid to move. He
slides his tongue up my neck and finds my ear. His tongue covers
my ear in saliva as it glides in and out and his hot breath makes
the wetness tingle as it vibrates between my skin and his breath.
No one ever licked my ear before. It felt weird at first but then
it felt okay and kind of nice. "I want you," he whispers in my
ear. That's when I really felt his monster pressing against me. I
was scared of what he wanted to do, but I would do anything to
please him. "Let's get naked." He rolls off of me and starts
taking off his clothes.

     "Maybe we should slow down." He gives me a look like I just
stabbed him in the back. "I don't want to do this after you've
had so much to drink."

     "I'm fine. I'm not drunk anymore." He places a gentle kiss
on my lips and says, "I know exactly what I'm doing." Who was I
to stop this? I sat up on my bed and started taking off my
clothes. Lionel was undressing as well. I kick off my shoes and
pull off my pants. I am about to pull down my boxers when Lionel
stops me. "Let me help you with that." I was about to offer to
help him with his boxers but I look down and see his exposed
penis. He grins and places his hand on my hardon through my
boxers. He starts rubbing it and the friction from the fabric of
my boxers had me moaning out loud. I close my eyes and relax
under his gentle touch. He suddenly pulls away and I open my eyes
in enough time to see his naked butt walking over to his
computer. I am about to ask him what the hell he is doing, but I
see him turn on his speakers and I have a good idea what's going
on. Within seconds there is a playlist on the screen and music
blazing out of his speakers. He walks back to the bed and hops on
it. He leans down close to my ear and I wait for his tongue to
make contact, but instead I hear, "Now you can scream as loud as
you want to." I look in his eyes and all I see is lust. I know
then that we're going to have sex tonight. I don't think he can
stop himself.

     He gives my lips a slight kiss as he makes a path down my
body. He starts pulling down my boxers and I raise my hips to
make it easy for him. He pulls them down and throws them across
the room. I am losing precum like a leaky faucet. His tongue
licks some of my precum and I watch as he swallows. He licks his
lips and leans up to kiss me. This kiss is a full fledged attack.
It feels like he's trying to fuck my mouth with his tongue or
something. His ferocity is too much for me. I feel overwhelmed by
his passion. He brings his tongue out of my mouth and says,
"Relax." He goes down to one of my nipples and sucks on it so
hard that I think he might suck it off, then he bites it and I
jump. I never thought I would enjoy someone causing me pain with
their teeth, but somehow his love nick made me want him even
more.

     I feel his hand slide down my body and then I feel a finger
going up and down my crack. I spread my legs wide to give him
better access. `Put it in,' I think. The finger traces around my
hole a few times before finally trying to gain entrance. He
slowly sticks the finger inside me. "Uhh." is the only response I
can make.

     "Yeah, you like that don't you?"

     I look down and see the top of his head. He is still at work
on my nipples, causing me to wonder if he really said anything. I
moan a little louder when another finger enters me. His fingers
are definitely longer than Michael's, I can feel the difference.
His pumping pace with his fingers seems coordinated with his
sucking action on my nipple. "I'm about to cum." I wanted to warn
him. His response was to stick in a third finger and increase the
speed. I came all over myself and he licked me clean with his
tongue. Then I heard the words that I had been both dreading and
eagerly awaiting.

     "Now it's my turn." He gets up and walks over to his drawer.
I assume he's getting lube and a condom, so I take the time to
get on all fours. I didn't want to have the option of watching
that monster stretching me open. He walks back to the bed and
slaps my ass. "Turn over. I want to see your face while I fuck
you." He didn't have to tell me twice. I'm willing to do whatever
he wants. I turn over, spread my legs and try to get them as high
as I can. My legs immediately come down when I notice that he
doesn't have a condom.

     "Where's the condom?"

     "We don't need one."

     "Yes we do, we've both been with other people." What I
really meant was, `You've claimed to have fucked some nasty
bitches and I'm not trying to catch anything.'

     "Damn that shit! We don't need no fucking condoms! I want to
feel everything!" Before I can protest, he is climbing on top of
me. He pushes my legs up and lets them rest on his shoulders as
he lines up his well lubed 10 and a half inch dick. He placed the
head at my hole and started to press in. There was a little pop
and his head was inside me. "Oh fuck yeah! Oh!" was his response.
He begins to push in at a slow pace that is a little faster than
I would have liked, but I don't protest. He can't get in all the
way, but he seems satisfied. The sensations I feel from having
something so big inside me are intense and surprisingly pleasing.
He touches the right spot with every thrust and soon we are both
moaning and panting and dripping sweat. I don't want it to stop
because I don't want to know what it feels like to not have his
dick inside me anymore. I wish our lovemaking could last forever,
but it doesn't. To my surprise, Lionel's dick begins to grow even
more inside me and I know he is about to cum. He cums in spurts
that blast my insides. I wonder why I didn't insist on a condom.
He collapses on top of me and whispers, "I love you." He rolls
off of me and stands up. He walks over to his computer and closes
the playlist. He turns off the speakers. "Damn that shit was
loud!" I watch as he grabs his towel, shower shoes and shower
basket. He wraps the towel around his waist, takes a quick look
in the mirror and heads to the bathroom.

     I am still in bed wondering what just happened. I was
expecting to cuddle with Lionel for a while. After a few minutes,
I begin to regret the entire night. We shouldn't have done this.
It was a mistake. A dumb mistake. I knew it was wrong when we
were doing it, but I still went along and now every bone in my
body is telling me that it was definitely the wrong thing to do.
He walks back twenty minutes later and climbs in to his bed
without a word. I am fairly certain that he is regretting what we
did, too. I wish I could say something to him, but I can't find
the words. I should get up and shower, but the weight of our
situation has me pinned to my bed. Lionel turns off the light
near his bed and says, "Thanks for the action Lucas, I really
needed that. You're a good friend."

     Talk about talking out of your ass! I almost threw up when I
heard Lionel say that. What was he talking about? He made it
sound like I had sex with him as his friend and not as his lover.
He made it sound like I was being a good friend and letting him
fuck me. I didn't like his tone, but I was too submerged in
thought to address the situation. I fell asleep thinking about
Lionel and me.

     I woke up the next morning to find Lionel dressing to go
somewhere. "Where are you going?"

     "I don't think that's any of your business."

     "I think it is after last night." He turned and gave me a
look that sent a chill running up and down my spine. "Do we need
to talk?"

     "There's nothing to talk about. Nothing happened! I was
lonely, I needed to fuck something, so I said some things to you
that I knew would make you open your legs for me. You came, I
came and that's all it was, end of discussion."

     "But."

     "Don't say another word about it. It's over!" I had never
heard Lionel be so cruel and callous before.

     "But." He ran over to me and put his hand around my neck.

     "Don't say shit about it. I'm not playing with you, Lucas. I
don't want to talk about it!"

     I knew he meant business, so I dropped the subject. We sat
there in an awkward silence as I replayed all of his words from
the night before and tried to reconcile them with his change of
heart. There was a knock at the door. Lionel opened it and there
was a skinny black girl standing there. She asked him if he was
ready and he said almost. He invited her in for a minute and
introduced her to me. "Lucas, this is my girlfriend."