Date: Tue, 28 Mar 2006 22:02:13 -0800 (PST)
From: Lusty <lustyville@yahoo.com>
Subject: Lucas and Lionel-Part 9. Two Steps Forward

     I'm sitting in Michael's living room sipping on some
hot cocoa as Michael tries to soothe me with his hand
lightly rubbing up and down my back.
     "Calm down Lucas and tell me what happened." He puts
his arm around me. "Come on, just tell me. It's okay." His
voice is so sweet and tender and for a moment I wish that I
loved him instead of Lionel. Things would be so easy with
Michael. He knows how to take care of me, and I know he
would never intentionally hurt me. He's not like Lionel.
   I feel my eyes begin to water. "I can't tell you. It's
horrible! It's just horrible. I don't want to tell you."

     "You need to tell me." I sit in silence, so he
continues. "I'm not trying to push you, but I need to know
what happened so I can help you. You can stay here as long
as you want, and I won't judge you, no matter what you tell
me. Now, tell me what happened or I'll ask Lionel." Hearing
Lionel's name makes me look over at Michael. I watch his
other hand as it reaches across his body before he places
his fingers under my chin. "Please tell me."

     "I can't."

  He slowly grabs the cup out of my hand and puts it on the
table. "Yes, you can." He leans back on the sofa and pulls
me back with him. I rest my head on his chest. I listen to
his heartbeat and allow the rhythm to calm me even more. I
want to tell him everything and before I know it my mouth
opens and the run-in with Taniqua comes out. "Wow. What did
Lionel say when you asked him about it?"

   "Well, let me tell you the rest of the story." I begin
telling him everything that happened.

     A few minutes after Niqua left, I was in my bed crying

like a little bitch. I heard the door open and Lionel walked

in. He knew something was wrong right away.

     He asked me, "What's wrong?"

     "Taniqua stopped by." He suddenly looked sick.

     "What did she say?"

     "She told me." I stated simply.

     "She told you?"

     "Yes, she told me everything." I sat up in the bed.

     "Everything?"

     My frustration got the best of me. "Is there a fucking
echo in here?"


     He opened his mouth to say something but he closed it
before any words came out. We stared at each other in
silence. "I'm sorry," he finally said. "I should have told
you."


  "Why did you lead me on? You knew you didn't want me! How
could you do this to me again?" I wished the tears would
stop, but they kept falling.

     "Is that what you think?" He rushed over to my bed and
tried
to put his arm around me. I pushed him away. "I'm not
leading you on, I do want you. You should know that."

     "So you want both of us?"

     "No! I don't want Niqua. I want you and she knows that.
That's why she came over here and told you that shit. She
knew I was waiting to tell you because I was scared." He
gave a small chuckle. "That bitch has been playing me this
whole time. I thought we were friends, but she was fucking
playing me."

     I felt a little relief to hear that they weren't
together, but then I thought about their poor baby being
born to a single mother. "What about the baby?"

     "What baby?"

     "Taniqua told me she was pregnant."

  "That's what she told you? That bitch aint pregnant! She
told me she was three weeks ago, but she's not."

     I relaxed some when I heard him say that. I couldn't
believe Taniqua had told such lies, but for some reason, I
wasn't surprised. I let him put his arms around me, and I
relaxed in his embrace before my mind trapped some of the
words that were replaying in my head. I pulled away from
him. "What were you waiting to tell me then?"

     "Huh?"

     "You said you were waiting to tell me something because
you were scared. I need to know what it is."

     "I don't know how to tell you. Wait a second." He stood
up and walked over to his dresser. He dug in the top drawer
and took out a prescription bottle. He walked over to me and
handed me an empty bottle. I saw his name on it. I saw `to
be taken twice
     daily.' I saw a doctor's name, and I saw the drug's

     name. "Doxycycline? What's this for?" I asked.

     "Chlamydia."

     "What?"

     "I have, no, I had Chlamydia. Taniqua gave it to me. We
went to the doctor three weeks ago because she told me she
was pregnant, and she wasn't, but she did have Chlamydia.
She was going to the doctor to get some tests and make sure
she was clean." He gave a nervous laugh. "That manipulative
bitch. She knew she wasn't pregnant."


     I couldn't say anything to him. I wanted to, but I
couldn't. My mind was running in fifty different directions.
`If he had Chlamydia, does that mean I have it too? We
didn't use protection. Can that kill me? Why wouldn't he
tell me when he first found out? I wouldn't have been mad. I
would have gone to get tested. Why did he hide this from me?
Can you get it from anal sex?' My last thought sailed away
from my lips. "Can you get it from anal sex?"


     "Yes, and you probably have it. I had it and I didn't
know until I got tested. They call it a silent disease or
some shit like that because a lot of people don't have
symptoms. I'm sorry, but I didn't know how to tell you."

     "Am I going to die?"

     "No, you just need to get tested and if you have it
you'll get a prescription and it will go away. So don't
worry, you won't die."

     "Good because I'm going to kill you!" I hissed as I
lunged at him. I started swinging my fists wildly and was
surprised to find that he was pretty good at dodging blows.
"Stop moving!" I yelled at him. I saw this look in his eyes
that I had never seen before and he stopped moving just in
time for me to connect with his jaw. I hadn't hit him that
hard, but it did turn his head a little. He looked at me as
he rubbed his cheek. I think we were both in shock. His eyes
told me that I shouldn't have done that. They screamed at me
that I had hurt him in a way I would never understand, but I
was pleased with what I saw. I wanted to hurt him. He didn't
love me, he couldn't love me.

     "I'm sorry," he said before he ripped his eyes away
from mine. He was too late though because I had already seen
his tears forming. He kicked off his shoes, got in his bed
and faced the wall. I watched him shake a little as he
cried. I wanted to hold him and tell him it was okay, but it
wasn't. He lied to me, he schemed behind my back. He didn't
tell me he had an STD. How could he do this to me?

     I grabbed my bag and started packing it because I knew
I couldn't live with him anymore. As I was packing, I
thought about all the moments over the last three weeks that
had led up to this point. I no longer wondered why he didn't
want to have sex with me. I threw enough clothes in my bag
to last a week and I looked over at Lionel. Lionel had
turned around in the bed and he was staring at me. I felt
guilty for leaving him like this because he almost looked
like he might need me. I caught a glimpse of something
hiding behind his eyes and it tugged at my heart strings,
but I still grabbed my bag of clothes and some books and
walked out the door. I was surprised when he didn't say
anything as I left.

  My eyes are dry by the time I finish telling Michael what
happened. He pulls me closer to him and I know that I am a
blubbering mess, but I accept his invite. He places a gentle
kiss on the top of my head.

  "Is that everything Sweetie?" he asks as his hand starts
rubbing my arm.

     "Yes."

     "Well that's not so bad then, now is it?"

     "I guess not."

   "I was expecting this grand story of how you caught him
cheating on you with Taniqua, but now I find out that you're
cheating yourself."

     "What?"

     "You heard me, you're cheating yourself. You move out
because he doesn't tell you he has an STD, but you stay when
he assaults you with a basketball? At least I can sort of
understand the STD thing. It's definitely hard to tell
someone you care about that you may have infected them with
anything other than love. You're not innocent in this
either, you should have used a
condom, but you let it carryon without one. You could have
HIV right now instead of Chlamydia. You should both be
counting your blessings."

     "That's not exactly what I wanted to hear," I tell him
in my best childish voice.

     "I know, but we're closer than lies so I'm telling you
the truth. It's not like I told you that dress didn't make
you look fat."

   "What the hell are you talking about? I've never worn a
dress before in my life."

     "It's an expression. I mean I'm not going to tell you
something just because it makes you feel better, because
that's not fair to you, and as far as the dress thing, well,
there's a first time for everything." I turned in just
enough time to catch the smirk on his face. He really was
cute, but my eyes were for Lionel, and Lionel alone.  "Call
him."

     "Who?"

     "Stop asking questions and just do it. You need to talk
to him."

   "But I don't want to talk to him. I just want to go to
sleep. Now shut up and let me rest."

     Michael stole his arm away from my body and he pulled
away from me. "You need to call him and talk to him. I'm not
a big Lionel fan, and we both know that, but this seems like
something the two of you can work out. You said he's been
wonderful lately, well, until this point, and the look you
get in your eyes when I
     say his name tells me that you still love him, so call

     him." "What would I say to him?"

     "Start with sorry for hitting you and then go from

     there." "May I still stay here tonight?"

     "Of course you can. Now I'm going to my bedroom to give
you some privacy. Try to be a little understanding, but
don't be too gentle, because he did lie to you." He walked
away towards his room and a few seconds later, I heard his
door close.


     I pulled out my cell and called my dorm room. There was
no answer. I called Lionel's cell and there was no answer
there either. I felt a sense of relief that I had a small
reprieve from talking to him. I sat on the sofa trying to
think about what Michael told me. Was I wrong to be so
upset? I didn't feel like I was, but if Michael thought I
was overreacting, he was probably right. My thoughts were
interrupted by a knock at the door.


     "Michael, someone's here." I yelled as I got up and
walked towards Michael's bedroom door. He opened the door
and looked at me.


     "Did you talk to Lionel?"


     "No, he wouldn't answer."


   "Alright, I'll send whoever it is away so we can talk,
okay?"

     "Okay."

     I went and sat back down on the sofa as Michael opened
the door. "What are you doing here?" he asked the person on
the other side. I could make out the sound of whispering. I
heard Michael say, "Well, I guess you can come in for a few
minutes." Then he whispered something else.

     I sat on the sofa staring blankly at the television and
wondering what Michael and his company were going to do.
Michael stepped back inside the room and the person at the
door walked in. It was Lionel, carrying a bouquet of roses.
I looked in his eyes and there was that look again. I swear
he had the saddest eyes I have ever seen.



c Lustyville 2006
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