Date: Sat, 14 May 2005 09:52:07 +0000
From: Alistair Stevenson <asjam@hotmail.co.uk>
Subject: Made in Sheffield - Chapter Eight

8:00PM

The second Paul opened the door, I knew I was too late.

I'd bounded up the steps like a dog so desperate with enthusiasm it
threatened to knock its owner on his ass. Paul was in a different frame of
mind. He looked shocked and concerned at the state of my face but he didn't
beam like he usually did when he saw me. He asked me in unhappily, his mind
on something else.

He was over me; I knew it straight away.

The thought I'd had watching Andy fucking Jamie was that, for me, deeper
than the fun, challenge or excitement of sport had always been the bonding.
I'd never acknowledged it before but since teenage soccer camps in the
summer holidays, my secret hope had been that sport would end up as sex:
that I'd find myself doing what Andy had done, putting all the physical
effort of winning a match into coming inside a mate. And the person I knew
at once that I wanted to do that with was Paul.

He looked at me desperately, conflicted I guessed by having told me twenty
four hours ago that he was going to die of love for me and now having to
tell me he'd had a change of heart.

"Noah, I'm really sorry, I'm just talking to someone. I don't know if... God,
sorry. Uh, you come in the lounge too, he might want to see you. Is your
face all right? It's nothing to do with John Royal is it, all that?"

I kept quiet, following him down the hall with my eyes on his ass, longing
to touch him like he'd let me last night.

I'd expected Paul to introduce me to some outstanding-looking lad of his own
age; one with a good nature and no history of prostitution, no bruises or
cut up ass. But sitting in the lounge with his plump thighs crossed and his
chubby little hand on his chin was a fat, goatee-bearded bloke who looked
like he wasn't taking any shit off anyone. He pulled himself up but stayed
sitting to shake my hand as Paul introduced me. My name seemed to stagger
him.

"Paul, love, would you mind? I need to have words with Noah and they're not
for your ears. Just pop out would you?"

Paul's shoulders dropped and he slouched out of the room, apparently no
longer authorised to control what happened in his own home.

"Sit down, love. Sit there and we'll get through this quickly. I'm here for
Paul so you'll forgive me speeding on but just to check we're clear, you're
Noah Green, you're a student, yes? But you've also been working in the sex
industry. No secrets here. You were verbally abusive to Paul last night
leading to a call from him for emotional support to the Student Helpline.
I've since heard you were both the perpetrator and the victim of a
homophobic incident in the Sports faculty today which I understand is being
handled by the University and outside my remit. And, of course, you've
obviously been injured somehow recently so taken all-in-all can we say
you're in a bit of tizzy? A bit mixed-up-not-fixed-up as I might say?"

I failed to return his dough-cheeked smirk. I let the silence settle and I
held the look he was giving me until he shifted in his seat and dropped his
eyes.

"Who. The fuck. Are you?"

He looked fit to bust, leaning forward with real fury in his eyes. "I, Mr
Green, am Shaun Plumber RMN, the University's psychiatric liaison officer.
I'd ask for some respect. I hardly need add you'd do well to listen to me
because I'm compiling a report on you and this report, my darling, is what I
shall be appending to your Permanent University Record. It's crunch time for
you, Noah, yes it is."

Checking the impulse to throw him through the window, I settled down on one
of Paul and his mates' ripped beery armchairs and gave a blank look to the
stout little fucker sitting opposite me. He took it as a sign I was ready to
be set straight.

"We all leave residues, Mr Green, as we slide through our lives. Some of us
leave healing residues and some of us leave residues that harm our peers.
I'm ever so sorry to say, Noah, you leave a harmful residue. Poor Paul was
lucky I was available last night or we might have had an incident. You've
hurt him very badly indeed."

I'd thought there was no chance he could come up with anything I'd be
bothered about, but the memory of Paul crying on my chest the night before
caught hold of my emotions. I hadn't liked seeing him like that at the time
and now I'd spent a day being taught what it feels like to be reduced to
tears. Shaun seemed to sense he'd hit close to home.

"Oh, yes. We have an impact on each other Noah. And we can choose to be
gentle and thoughtful or we can choose to wound and exploit. Using sex
-using physical closeness with another human - the way you have isn't very
nice is it? Did it ever cross your mind sex comes with consequences? For
everyone involved, you included. Hmm? I'm trying to get you to think. Are
you thinking?"

I had no choice except to think. Images haunted me: Paul begging me to stay;
Colin with his eyes closed, scared shitless by me; Chris and countless other
tricks trained by me to expect nothing emotional the moment after they'd
come; and then Sarah taking heat from me for being disloyal when I'd never
been able to give her what she needed.

All of it had been there but not touched me, not until today.

Today each element had helped drive me to a situation where my only hope in
the world - Seb - had shat on me. Then five guys had shown me they could
treat my whole life as if they were doing the world a favour by wiping it
out.

Shaun was a fat, fruity twat, but I had to admit he had the beginnings of a
point.

"I can see you're accepting of my perspective but I don't have oodles of
time today so let's be honest and direct ok? Whatever you are, love, it
isn't gay. Paul, on the other hand, is. You've bullied him into a
heterosexual lifestyle and it's caused great suffering. Well now he's been
reclaimed by his own people."

"You're warning me away?"

Not since primary school had anyone threatened to separate me from one of my
mates. I tried to think where I'd go if I had to leave Paul's. There was
nowhere.

"If you have any concern for Paul, any remorse for the damage you've done,
you'll influence him no more."

I really hated this guy. Whatever angle he had on me, however accurate it
was, I wasn't buying it just because he was such an outstanding knob.

"Fair enough. I'll hear Paul say that then I'll take an early bath. He can
play for whatever team he likes."

"Noah. Are you aware how aggressive you're being? You need to look inside
yourself. Be as confrontational as you like with me but look inside yourself
and you'll find you and Paul are not alike. Paul is gay. You are something
else."

I wondered. I found myself lost in thought. And Shaun didn't stop.

"You're not a fellow traveller, Noah dear. You're not a friend of Dorothy,
not one of the family. Not gay."

"Oh, right. How do you know that then?"

"I have been specialising in gay and lesbian services for fifteen years and
when I say a thing about homosexuality its generally more accurate than when
a twenty-two year old student says it. Gay men do not captain football
teams. They don't go round fighting people. They don't look at people the
way you're looking at me right now."

"I don't fit the stereotype?"

"No, dear, you don't. Stay away from Paul. He's my responsibility now."

I'd sunk into a kind of dull confusion, wondering if I was going to lose not
only Paul as a fuck buddy but Paul as a buddy full stop. Luckily, one of my
first 11 teammates had been on the touchline listening and was about to come
on and save the game.

The door flew open and Paul burst in. He looked physically bigger, pumped up
with fury. Bouncing across the room, he towered over Shaun who, shocked,
grabbed for his brief case, and cowered on the sofa.

"You fuck off out of here now!"

Shaun's face turned white with the effort to regain the upper hand.

"Paul. Stop. We've talked about this. I know it's difficult but you've got
to make choices."

"Get out or I'll fucking put you out."

"Is that a threat? Threats are a serious matter. But it's not you, Paul.
You're not being you," he threw me a look of accusation and disgust, "You're
being him."

The team worked. I didn't need to interfere. Paul grabbed Shaun by the
lapels of his jacket and hauled him to his feet. Snarling, with his top
tight over adrenaline-pumped muscles he span Shaun round and marched him
backward from the room.

Anxious he was going to get himself in trouble I moved swiftly to follow but
he was his own man, I wasn't going to be able to take command of him. Now
restraining Shaun with just one grip, he yanked open his front door and
showed Shaun out into the street.

"Get to fuck. You're joking! You're a joke! You don't know bollocks about
me, or anything. Piss off."

I caught a quick glance of Shaun's angry, terrified, bewildered look before
the door slammed shut and Paul turned round, still panting with rage.

I tried to communicate my concern and support with nothing more than a look
and suddenly his face cracked and the beam came back, he was laughing like
normal, looking bashful at me.

"Wow. I get cross!"

"You surely do. Pity we never see that passion on the pitch, mate. You might
get to play a bit more often. Not that that's up to me any more."

In just a couple of sentences, everything felt right again. I knew where I
was and what I was. It was like waking up.

Paul chuckled. "He told me I had to resign. Give up footy altogether. Unless
I joined a gay team. That was ok, according to him. I don't know any gay
teams."

"I think there are some. But you'd have to... Fuck, Paul, I'm sorry about
last night. I was a right cunt."

We made our way back into the lounge and he sat where Shaun had been. It was
like replacing a sack of garbage with a casket of diamonds. He looked so
good, a dark blue football squad hoody and worn out jeans that showed off
the solid athleticism of his legs and ass.

"You more than made up for it in the park, Noh. But that guy was booked to
come round beforehand, he wouldn't let me cancel him and then he didn't stop
until he had me half-believing all that shit he talked."

"He was right about me treating you badly as a friend. You've always been
there as a team mate, I had no call to be anything but kind to you."

"Don't go soft now. I like it when you're brutal. Man, it turns me on."

"Yeah?"

"It's breaking news I'm your friend, though. I always kind of saw myself as
one of the grunts you took charge of."

"No, mate. It took me a while to see it but there's been bits of today when
I realised you're the only real mate I've got, the only one who knows me"

I was looking straight into his eyes, as sincere as I knew how to be. It
felt weird fessing up to him, but he made me feel safe with it. Like
whatever I said wasn't going to change his attitude to me. I could tell him
what I liked.

"I'm gay Paul. That's another thing I know now. The lads wouldn't like it
but there it is, it's a fact."

He paused, taking it in. "I guess you don't have to tell them that if you
don't want to."

I couldn't hack being across the room from him for another second. Keeping
my eyes locked on his I got up, crossed over to him and sank to my knees,
crouching at his feet. We kept looking at each other, saying nothing. Paul
lifted his hand and cautiously touched one of the cuts on my face with his
fingertip. He looked sorry for me then his face fell and without warning
there were tears in his eyes.

I surged forward to hug him, wrapping my arms around his upper body and
pulling him into me, pressing my mouth against the smooth skin of his neck.

"I just don't want you to get hurt Noah. Whatever happens don't get into
fights, mate, please. It kills me."

"Don't worry, don't worry. I'm all right Paul. I'm all right now, Paul. Now
I know we're all right."

I moved back to look at him but he wouldn't let me go, launching forward
again to take the initiative between us for the first time. He pressed his
lips against my mouth and clasped the back of my neck. He was being gentle
but it was as if he couldn't wait any more for me to make all the decisions.
He finally had the chance he'd wanted and he'd set his mind on taking it.

I broke away and moved to sit next to him, one arm round his back, the other
stroking or holding his torso. He turned towards me, under the blond flick
where his fringe was falling into his eyes his gaze told me his attention
was totally mine. I saw his dependence on me, his trust in me and I swore to
myself I'd never let him down again.

"You should know what happened today, Pauly. You're bound to hear it. When I
left last night I was mad. I caught Sarah cheating and I chased her bloke
back to his house and beat him. Then I had sex with Chris from that Gaysoc
place. This morning I caught Stuart Jenks..."

"The rugby guy?"

"Yeah, the rugby guy, I caught him gobbing off another lad down at the
Goodwin pool." Paul's jaw dropped. "That's only the start of it, dude. Jenks
and Escott picked a fight then Sarah dumped me then John Royal kicked my ass
out the faculty for fucking with his son, it was just after that I met you
in the Botanical Gardens."

"Jesus, why didn't you tell me? We could have gone for a drink or
something."

It was a good question. Why hadn't I told him then? What stopped me?

"I guess I didn't want to lumber you. It was all my doing, most of it. And I
didn't exactly earn the right to expect your sympathy last night did I?"

"You don't have to earn it. I supply it you for free mate. Any time."

I chuckled and squeezed him closer. I was losing interest in having to
speak.

"Where do the bruises come from? Not Royal, surely? You could paste him tied
down."

"Jeez. I gotta tell you the rest. I picked up a guy in town and he screwed
me over then Nick Davis persuaded me to go back to the faculty but Jenks,
Escott, Grant O'Connor, Paul Miles, fucking Process and Alistair Stevenson
were waiting there to have a pop. And that's the whole story. One of my
mate's found me staggering about, they'd stripped me so these are his
clothes."

"Hold on, Noh, all this really happened? Just in one day?" I held his eye. I
nodded. "God. I don't know what to say. You want to rest for a bit? You
could sleep in my room. Stay here as long as."

I dipped my head to nudge it against his and kissed him again.

"Yeah, let's go to your room. I aint sleepy though, Paul, I'm warning you."

Both of us got to our feet awkwardly, the embarrassment of two boys together
both erect as cranes. I looked at his, he looked at mine. At just the same
time, we laughed nervously and then I followed him up to his room.

He'd let me go first and when I got up to his attic room I could feel how
the heat of a long summer day had collected there. Outside the open window
the sun was growing a deeper orange as it sank towards the horizon. I could
hear kids playing, a hockey match on the Uni pitches and far distant
traffic, a typical sunny summer night in Sheffield.

Paul had tidied up since the evening before, everything was squared away,
his bed had been changed and a completed neat-looking essay was sitting on
his desk. Despite the way I'd acted the night before, I felt welcome and at
home here, well away from the rest of the house and safe from all the
trouble I'd had.

I heard Paul shut the door and turned to face him. Unlike last night, he was
beginning to look as he did with the other lads on the pitch and in bars;
confident and relaxed but also cheerful, handsome, and approachable. Someone
I could learn a lot from.

"I wish I hadn't asked you to pay Paul. I'm such a tosser." That took me by
surprise, I'd not anticipated saying it or of feeling the guilt of having
taken Paul for granted. And he'd forgiven me. I felt like such a louse.

Looking at him smiling shyly at me and thinking over what I'd said and done,
yet again I felt tears pricking at my eyes. Whatever else acknowledging my
true sexuality had achieved it had certainly opened up a world of emotion.

Although we'd kissed and held each other downstairs, in the close physical
proximity of Paul's room it seemed less easy to get together. Finally he
moved to fire up his stereo and I sat at his desk wishing I was talking to
him rather than worrying what I might say next.

I watched him pull his hoody off so he was in jeans and a light blue
Tindersticks T-shirt. God, he looked cool. He'd had a lifetime of being
himself it seemed while I was still struggling not to fall back on my old
bullshit self-confidence.

"I feel awkward, mate."

"Aw, man. Don't get tense." He grinned and came over, reversing our
positions in the lounge, he knelt in front of me and I opened my thighs so
he could come close, his hands stroking up the rock steady muscles of my
upper legs. It was unfamiliar territory but it felt more than acceptable not
having to be in control. I trusted him, if he said not to worry, I wouldn't.

"You must be fed up of sex after the day you've had."

In reply all I did was glance down at the painfully restrained girder
thrusting up under the running shorts I'd borrowed from Andy.

"I believe maybe a day will come when I have a second or so of not wanting
to exercise my dick," I said, stroking the soft skin and light stubble of
his teenage five o'clock shadow, "but it's not today Paul, believe me."

"Wow. Noah Green in my room again. You sure you're not gonna change your
mind later? Send me a bill I can't afford?"

"Don't. No more bills. No more tricks with anyone. I swear."

"Whoa, you making commitments there big man?"

"I am."

He looked wary again, like he was fearful of saying or hearing something
that would wreck the vibe between us.

"You mean relationship commitments?"

"I'm your friend for life. I mean I was anyway, I just got a bit thrown by
knowing you fancied me. It brought out the worst in me. But we'd have got
over that even if nothing else had happened today. I've liked you a heap
ever since you joined the team. Fancied you as well if it comes to that.
Don't make me talk about all this. Talk about it and you lose it."

"Well, I guess. But just say quickly; don't get mad at me for me asking.
Would you ever have a boyfriend?"

"Like, in the future?"

"Yeah, or now."

I saw suddenly what his point was. I couldn't believe it. I laughed at his
cagey way of asking and suddenly I felt timid as well. To ease the tension I
did something physical, dropping forward and down so I was gently wrestling
Paul to the floor with me heavily on top of him.

I felt the sides of our faces together, could smell his hair and feel his
crotch against my own. With him lifting his hands to squeeze at my ass I
turned my head to kiss his neck then lick his ear.

Moving my restless hardon against him I whispered to him, "If you're dumb
enough to want me for a boyfriend you're too thick to be my bloke."

"I want you for my boyfriend."

"No problem then. The deal's done. But don't say I didn't warn you."

"You mean it? Properly together? Exclusive?"

I drew my head back to look at him, using close eye contact to show him I
was serious. "Who else would have me? Yes I'll be your boyfriend Paul. And I
won't let you down, I swear."

He smiled like crazy and I lowered my head again as I felt him hug me
tighter than ever. This day had turned out all right after all, but it
wasn't over yet, not quite.

For a long while we lay on Paul's bedroom carpet just being together. I
dabbed kisses over his face while he pretended to fight me off then he
wrestled me over onto my back so I was the one being crushed by the
heaviness of gym-built muscle, I was the one laughing as I tried to stop him
tickling and snogging me.

Eventually I began to ache with all the sniggering we'd done, plus Paul was
beginning to forget I'd been beaten up that afternoon and my body hadn't had
time to recover. I got stern with him, telling him to quit it, getting to my
feet and moving over to his bed where I lay down.

"You've fucking ruptured me now. No consideration for my age. I need someone
who'll treat me right, not like I'm a bouncy castle. Teenagers!"

Of course, I was joking, but Paul looked like I'd just threatened to leave
him forever. Puppy-dog wasn't the word.

"Man, sorry. I got over-excited. God, you alright?"

His cock was jutting up under his jeans like he'd stuffed a marrow down
there and - despite his doe-eyed sorrow - it didn't go away. My body hurt
but my balls wanted more.

"You gotta be gentle with me, mate. Escott's crew nearly trampled me to
death. Come and lie down. But gently."

He remained apologetic-looking as he slowly lowered himself beside me. I put
my arm around him, loving being reunited physically with him. His washed out
T-shirt was thin so I could move my hand over the solid packs of muscle
under it, squeezing the different groups he'd worked on in football
training.  While I was doing that, Paul adjusted his dick to a more
comfortable position then moved his hand across the inch wide gap between
our crotches to do the same for me. I pinched and squeezed his tit muscle
while he felt up my cock.

The healthy smell of him - the scent he used and the clean natural sweat of
a fit 19-year-old - was all around us. I'd never felt so comfortable with
anyone in my life. I'd never felt such peaceful, excited happiness as I felt
with Paul. It was like we'd both been given something: I couldn't believe my
luck and he couldn't believe his.

I wanted to tell him how I felt but words couldn't express it and didn't
seem necessary anyway. I leaned in to kiss him, trying to use that as a way
of saying I felt like we'd found each other, that he was taking care of me
and I was going to make sure I took care of him. He kissed back in a way
that seemed to mirror my feelings.

We weren't fucking each other, we even still had our clothes on but we'd
connected as deeply as it was possible to get and, right then, it felt like
we were never going to let each other go.

If I'd been worried about Paul rejecting me, or seeking revenge for the way
I'd acted towards him the night before, I wasn't now. My mind was on the
present, on being with him in the here-and-now. But that morning at the gym,
my mate Nick had mentioned something that I'd thought about several times
since. I wasn't sure how to raise it, because Nick had told me not to and
the last thing I wanted was to embarrass or upset Paul.

An honest direct question would have been the choice I'd have made
automatically, being subtle seemed like lying; but there was no way I was
going to hurt the guy whose tongue was in my mouth and whose hand was giving
my cock a gently kneading. I took my mouth from his and lay back on the
pillow, looking at him, right into his eyes.

"Did you fancy me for ages then?"

"Yeah. Ages. Love at first sight for real."

"Wow."

"But you had Sarah. And even when I heard you might swing both ways I knew I
wasn't good looking enough to get you."

"Eh? One of the reasons you made the squad in the first place was that you
raised our sexy quotient. The footballing skills were secondary, mate."

"Don't bullshit me. You're here out of pity and desperation, I know that."

There was a sparkle in his eyes. He was fending off the idea he attracted me
as much as I attracted him by joking around. I'd have left the subject, but
I still had the thing Nick had mentioned to ask about.

"Did you wank over pictures of me? Keep a scrapbook of match reports and
photos? I bet you did." He looked shocked, like I was Sherlock Holmes or
something.

"Fuck. You know me too well. Is that part of being Captain, reading our
minds?"

"Show it me."

He paused like he wasn't sure then turned round, reached under his bed and
brought out the notebook Nick and his girlfriend had found when they'd used
Paul's room during his house party. I was finally going to see the thing I'd
first started wondering about at 9:00am that morning - a home-made porno
magazine all about me.

As Paul laid it out on his pillow I turned and put my arm around him and we
both lay on our fronts to see it, just like I'd done as a child with my
brother, reading a comic together. The difference was I knew once we'd
looked at it, instead of going outside to climb trees or play cricket, Paul
and I were most likely going to have some hardcore, full on, adult, all-male
sex. It was all good news.

"I began it in my first year. It's embarrassing. I can't show you everything
that's in here."

"Hey, be honest, Paul. Trust me. I'm not going to laugh at you mate."

"No, I mean I can't show you because I use it to knock one off, some of the
pages are stuck together."

"You filthy bastard! I thought it was a testimonial. It's just a wank mag!"

He knew I was kidding around. What he'd laid open in front of me was a
large, neat notebook with clippings from student papers, photos stolen from
departmental noticeboards, and graphic sketches and cartoons he'd done
himself. In-between the pictures were hand-written scenarios. I glanced
through them, discovering he'd imagined a series of encounters between us
that all began with us gazing at each other across changing rooms or going
out to the Peaks for runs, or being trapped alone in lecture theatres, and
all ended with us dicking each other until it rained spunk.

I loved it, not just because it was a long testimony to what a hero I was to
him but because it proved to me he'd really liked me for ages. Whether I
reciprocated or not, apparently Paul was going to dream and wank and be my
number one fan. I was his sole favourite pass-time or hobby. Once again I
made a deep commitment to myself: I wouldn't let him down.  I turned to him
smiling, put my tongue out and pushed my mouth against his full lips,
kissing him as gently but as intimately as I could. Hard to believe but
already I felt apprehension that, for the first time in my life, I was going
to tell someone that I loved them. And I was shit-scared I'd fuck it up. We
broke off.

"I'll never hurt you again, Paul. You won't cry alone, bro, I swear."

"Man, it's only a wank mag, like you said."

"Not cause of your book, Paul. Because of you. I don't deserve to be liked
this much by anyone, definitely not by someone as sound as you mate. I'm
gonna change so I earn it. I'll show you, you'll see."

He looked at me, our faces so close together all I could see was the
beautiful green of his eyes. Then he glanced down, chuckling, like he was
embarrassed.

"You don't need to change Noah. Not a bit."

"Let's get undressed, Paul. There's stuff I need to do to you. Right now."

"Yes, Boss."

I'd once balled the team out for spending too much time in the changing room
on personal grooming, not enough on thinking about what had happened in the
match. As a result a couple of lads had spent a fraction less time waxing,
drying, gelling, sculpting and generally being gay about their hair. But
Paul had dropped products altogether. After one shouting session from me
he'd abandoned the world of beauty products and, before a match was always,
always, always ready in his kit for tactics talk then clear of the changing
room afterwards forty minutes before the others.

As I watched him drop his jeans, pull his T-shirt over his head and drop his
Top Man briefs I thought about the influence I'd had over him. That was
going to have to change. Instead of him being loyal to me the whole time,
I'd have to show him I could be the obedient one as well.

Standing naked, rightly proud of his muscle and youth, Paul quit grinning
the second I stepped out of Andy's shorts.

"Jesus! What's that on your bum?"

"Forget it. It doesn't hurt, it's been nursed. Process and Stevenson did it.
Forget it."

Paul came up to me, his cock rampant despite his concern for the hiding I'd
had. As we moved closer together we started smiling at each other again. We
couldn't keep the smiles off our faces, it seemed. My hand followed its own
agenda, reaching for Paul's hot hard dick without me thinking about it.

"I really like your cock."

"It's not as big as yours."

"It's still a big one. And it's kind of neater, somehow."

We kissed and I took my own bench in the same grip as Paul's so I could
squeeze our two erections together. I rolled our foreskins back so we could
have our two wet unsheathed cockheads sliding against each other.

When the kiss ended Paul put his arms lightly around my neck, his eyes
closed, and I looked at him enjoying the sensation of his pole stroking
against mine.

"Mate, I take charge too often. We gotta get used to you being the boss
sometimes. I don't want to rule you."

He opened his eyes.

"But you know more about sex than I do."

"I know all the bullshit. You gotta teach me how to do it so I mean it. Tell
me what to do. What do you want? Anything, I'll do it."

"Will you fuck me?"

"But that's like I'm controlling it again."

"No, do me on my back, so I can watch you fucking. That's what I want. To
ride around on your prick while I see you doing the deed. I've dreamt about
it."

"Ok. Yes, sir. We can do that, definitely. You got a blob?"

He went to his desk and found a condom, handed it to me and lay down on the
bed.

There was no way Paul would have lube so I scouted round his room for a
substitute and, sitting next to his hair gel and Lynx I found a little
bottle of baby oil. I turned back to my teammate and sheathed my dick
looking at him lying there, waiting for me. His skin was smooth and bronzed,
his little nipples nicely balanced on mounds of pectoral, his shoulders
broad and his waist tight. He looked younger than nineteen at the same time
as being a substantial, solid man. And his cock was as heavily erect as any
I'd ever seen, his furry nuts clenched tight beneath. With my own dick
wrapped in oily latex, I climbed onto his bed between his open thighs.

I asked for his hand and dribbled some baby oil into his palm. He knew what
to do, reaching under his balls to smear the lubrication around and into his
ass. While he did that I leaned over him to take another taste of his open
mouth, porno kissing him with just the tips of our tongues flicking around
together.

After a minute or so, I knocked his hand out of the way and hauled him
further down the bed, wedging my knees under the back of his thighs so his
butt was lifted clear of the duvet. I looked him straight in the face as I
slotted a couple of fingers into his crack to gauge the readiness of his
slippery little gash. I could feel his ass loosening up. Man, he was fit for
this.

"It's not your first time? I don't have to treat you like a virgin?"

"No, mate, I can take it."

"Who's done you before then?"

"My best mate at school, we were at it like rabbits in year 12"

"Oh, yeah. Fuck you're eating my fingers Paul. That's two inside already."

I probed him, curling my fingers round the rim of his hole, loving how
easily they glided into him, imagining the same oily grip around my dick.
Juice leaked from Paul's bell-end onto his flat stomach; he was as eager to
get fucked as I was to fuck him.

I brought my oily covered knob up to the entrance to Paul's body; I eased my
hips forward, brought it against him and began pushing in.

Paul's handsome face went serious as he helped me penetrate him by easing
his ring onto the blunt business end of my dick. I took purchase on his
thighs, pulling him still further down the bed and up against myself as I
felt him yield to me, felt my burning bone start sinking in.

Moving to hang over him, propped by my flexed arms, I let him reach his
hands up and cling to me as I pulled back a little to let his ass adjust to
the size of my meat.

"Oh man. Jesus fucking Christ." he moaned and I dipped forwards to lick his
chin and lips. I felt his stiffy squeezed between us, it's wet head jammed
between our stomachs and his balls soft and hot just above where my bench
was prodding into his body.

I gave it to him really unhurriedly at first, sliding in up to the hilt,
resting there then drawing back only to drop into him again. With each
stroke Paul's face changed from ecstatic effort at being filled to
open-mouthed loss when I withdrew. To have such a good-looking, responsive,
fuckmate who had no agenda other than to enjoy being dicked and for whom I
felt nothing but commitment to please, it was a feeling unlike any I'd had
before. Both the deepest horned-up desire and gratitude, respect, attachment
and friendship. It was overwhelming.

I started a steady fucking rhythm. In and out. In and out. Paul's moans
became regular and he clung still tighter, like he was trying to draw me
deeper into him. His downy ass was now stretched wide and my prick began
thrusting like a piston. I shifted back to get purchase, pushing his legs
onto his chest so he was doubled over. Doing this exposed his open crack so
I could watch my thick length gliding into the hairy tightness of his
boyhole. With my weight off him, Paul was able to reach for his own dick and
masturbate while he was being fucked. His other hand caressed my neck,
armpits, chest and erect nipples as he either craned his head forward to
look down at his own penetration or threw it back to roll it from side to
side, his mouth open, panting and moaning as he took it good. I loved
watching him respond.

It wasn't just that I could see Paul's gratification at getting fucked, I
could also feel my hard shaft being rhythmically squeezed by the tight walls
surrounding it. Paul's ass had become a sexual organ and he was using it to
work the hot meat that was inserted into it. It was so mutual; truly like we
were just one single humping beast.

All the time, between us Paul's hard penis remained firm and straining for
attention, rhythmically pressed between our abdomens. Though my cock was
sliding down to its hilt I felt I wanted to go even deeper into him. Without
knowing my own intention, I found myself hauling Paul from his bed,
supporting the cheeks of his wide-split butt with my hands and heaving
myself onto my feet, his arms tight around me.

Paul was only a few kilos lighter than I was so I couldn't carry him far,
but the sensation of lifting him with my dick, together with his strong hold
around my neck as he continued to clench my root with his sphincter did the
job.

I staggered us into a wall so it bore his weight and found Paul's open mouth
to push my tongue as far down his throat as my cock was getting into his
ass. All this while I continued to ram into him. Paul's breath hissed in and
out of his nostrils as my pounding increased in pace.  I knew I was going to
come and nothing in this world was going to stop me.

I braced my thighs as I took Paul's full weight once more and falteringly
moved backwards to return to his bed, but this time with me getting on
first. Sitting down drew my prick right out of him but my cockhead remained
rubbing at his gaping hole and as Paul dropped his legs from being wrapped
around me to being on either side of mine. His sensitive butt lips opened
wide again and took me in.

"Bring it home you sexy bastard. Make me come Paul."

He grinned down at me, red faced and sweating as he began to ride my dick. I
lay back watching him labour as the two tight cushions of his buttock muscle
milked me with steadily increasing intensity.

I felt the squeeze of his anus drawing up and down every ridge of my
throbbing organ, like he'd been designed to pleasure dick. My feet stretched
involuntarily and a familiar rising pleasure told me full time was near.

With Paul still bouncing on my prong I sat up again and surged my hands over
his lean athletic body. Forcing his head down so I could kiss him, I began
jerking hot ejaculate into him. The shots were so powerful I had to hold him
steady, stopping him from manipulating my tender tool while I delivered a
gutload of come. It was the best, most total orgasm I'd ever had and it
seemed to last forever.

When finally it was over, I held him, panting and wincing at the sensations
his ass had created.

The soft golden orange of the evening sun was streaming in through the
window. I had never guessed lying with another dude could feel so like it
was what life was all about, like it was what I'd been put on earth for. How
could such a fucked up day end like this? Paul had collapsed, gasping and
laughing on top of me, giving my neck and face tiny licks, as if I'd done
him a favour rather than that he'd just generated the most completely
fulfilling physical feeling of my life.

My cock was still rooted deep inside him, I could feel the juicy warmth of
him still firm around me.

I crushed him against my chest, wanting the present moment to go on. I was
overwhelmed by how much Paul had given me and the way his body had teamed up
with mine. One of my hands travelled over his smooth warm back down to the
compact curves of his butt muscle. I nuzzled my lips against his ear, my
heart rate increasing as I thought about the possibility of saying out loud
the three words that were filling my head.

As it softened, my penis gradually slid out of him but we went on hugging
each other as we recovered, our hearts beating like drums. This was the
post-orgasm closeness I'd always avoided. It felt even better than the sex.
Though he hadn't come, I could feel Paul's cock softening between us. It was
as if our two sets of feelings had pooled, like we'd joined up emotionally
as well as bodily.

I smoothed my hand over Paul's asscheek and washed my tongue around his ear,
making him giggle as I snapped the condom from my dick and lobbed it over
into his bin.

"Thanks Noah."

"No problem, my pleasure."

"I keep thinking I should be paying you."

"Don't mention that, mate. The meter's off for good now. It's free rides for
life."

"For life?"

"Well, for as long as you'll have me."

He lifted his head to look me in the eye and I didn't look away. If I felt
anything other than sincerity and affection it was only anxiety that my
commitment might make him wary, but it didn't seem to. He shut his eyes and
pressed his mouth onto mine. We kissed and we kissed and we kissed.

Going out with Sarah had given me security of a kind, but it had never been
any of the things I was already feeling with Paul; things I wanted to go on
feeling for as long as I was allowed. I fancied him like crazy for a start
and not in the showing-off, trophy girlfriend way I'd admired Sarah but
genuine, deep horny wanting. Everything about him aroused me, even looking
around at things in his bedroom like his running medals, piss-up photos and
dirty socks turned me on. If I could have climbed inside Paul or physically
bonded myself to him I would have done. The smallest physical contact had an
instant effect on my balls, but just catching each others eyes seemed either
to make us laugh or get our dicks hard.

He slid off me and lay beside me looking at the ceiling. I was stroking my
fingers over the back of his hand.

"I could stay here ages, Paul. When do your housemates get back?"

"No idea. Don't have to worry about them, though. They'll be all right. You
fancy catching a bath or something?"

"I had one an hour ago, but I guess I could stand another."

Paul swung off his bed and pulled on a pair of football shorts. His cock
hung weightily at the front in a way I really liked. With my bruises still
aching I moved slower, agreeing he could go and run the bath while I eased
myself to my feet and wrapped a towel from his radiator round my waist.

If I was honest I'd have to admit almost all the time I'd been with Sarah
I'd been looking forward to when I'd done my duty and could get back to
being alone or with the lads. Even when we'd been at our most relaxed I'd
felt low grade tension pulling in two directions: I didn't want her to be
there, I didn't want her to leave me.

Imagining a gay relationship - and I hadn't, very much - I'd always focused
on how it would look to other people. I'd genuinely never considered that
what some passer by thought didn't matter a flying fuck compared to the
heart and cock and head pleasure of belonging to a successful two man team.

I felt like hugging myself over how things had turned out but thinking about
being with Paul in the bathroom was sending my dick back into action and by
the time I got down to the first floor landing it was already beaming up
under his beach towel.

I knocked on the bathroom door and went in. Paul was still in his shorts,
standing waiting for the bath to fill. It was steamy so he'd opened a window
and a warm summer evening breeze was drifting around. I immediately took the
towel I was wearing off.

"You can't be hard again already, Noah. That's not possible."

I came up next to him and put my arm around him, proud he couldn't take his
eyes off my cock.

"Anything's possible, Pauly, if you put your mind to it."  With the taps
still gushing and with no guidance or pressure from me, Paul turned to kiss
me briefly then moved down my body, kneeling in front of my crotch. He
opened his mouth and drew the wet heat of his full tongue from the root of
my dick to its tip then lowered his tight, soft lips onto my throbbing
bellend and, without pausing, back down to the base of my dick. I could feel
my penis burrowed in the clamping velvet of his throat and I could easily
have come again with him doing nothing more but giving me face, but the bath
was getting full and, more importantly, Paul hadn't come yet. I wasn't in
sex professionally any more, but I still had responsibilities.

"Fuck, dude, you're good at that." He looked up at me as he struggled to
keep my dick contained between his lips. I reached to put my hands into his
armpits and pull him to his feet. We kissed again, the taste of my own cock
in his mouth, then I stepped into the bath and he pushed off his shorts and
followed, We were both standing with our feet in the water, both of our
pricks achingly vertical once more.

We got down together facing each other and I began soaping him up. Two six
foot plus gym-stacked lads barely fitted in that bath but the water and soap
meant we could slide against each other like we were oiled, my legs around
Paul, the two of us chest-to-chest.

"Paul, we've got to get you off before we leave the house. Do you want to
fuck me mate?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, fuck me here. In the bath."

"No way."

"Definitely way, man. Do it now."

Paul looked thoughtful, swirling the bath water between us with his hand, "I
thought you didn't get fucked. Like - how do they say it - you're a top or
active or whatever?"

"That bullshit is for faggots, Paul. It's good fucking and it's good getting
fucked."

He looked up, his face now hopeful. "How do we do it?"

I knew that having been rough-fucked by both Seb and Stuart that day, Paul's
loved-up length wasn't going to be a problem. It would be easy and sweet and
it would prove the equality between us.

I scooted closer towards him, my legs on either side of him so I was
effectively sitting on his lap. I lined up our wet glossy roots and squeezed
them in my hand, loving the feeling of our brother dicks together in one
fist.

"I'll sit on you. You can let me do all the work, mate. Just like on the
pitch, yeah?"

"Fuck off. It's me that saves that team."

While he was joking around I moved even closer to him, my arms wrapped round
his broad, wet shoulders. His big blunt cock was right underneath me. With
one hand I reached beneath myself and guided the bulbous head of his knob to
my asslips. With the cushion of the water around me I could only dimly feel
the hiding I'd taken and what pain there was disappeared as I rose up and
let Paul slide right into me.

Paul supported my weight by holding my buns, spreading my ass open while he
speared into my hole. I felt the ridges of my lover's cock tweaking the ring
of tight muscle at my anus and sucked it up, lowering myself onto it,
feeling the flare of the base widening my asshole. Both of us gasped. It was
beautiful. My hand slipped between my legs, stroking the length of my cock
which seemed to have got stuck at the setting for fullest erection. Paul's
dick felt so right inside me I could barely imagine not having that big hard
piece of meat prying me open, could not imagine a better physical sensation
than being fucked by him.

As I took the whole length of Paul's iron-hard pole I could feel my butt
sinking down to the base of it, my buttocks squashing his nuts. He was
entirely inside me, filling me totally. It felt exactly like nature
intended, like we were breeding animals fulfilling the main purpose of being
alive. I squeezed my buttcheeks down on his dick and began to draw up, avid
to show him what my ass could do for his tool. I knew Paul felt as hot as I
did because we were mirroring the movement of each other's hands over our
wet bodies, mirroring our groans and kisses, working like the tightest team,
once again like a single thing.

As I pulled up and down his cock Paul flexed his body, different groups of
muscle tensing across his chest and six-pack as he thrust into me, trying to
get satisfaction for his painfully erect organ.

Our balls had taken over, there was no need for speech or thought, the only
goal was determination to get each other off as deeply as it was possible to
go.

Without agreeing anything beforehand, I heaved myself up off Paul's dick and
got out of the bath. Like he knew before I'd even made a move and understood
from the first what I planned, Paul got out with me and, seconds later, I
was on my hands and knees on the bathroom floor and he'd squeezed his beef
back in me.

He bucked at my ass, his hands smoothing down my back then gripping my hips
and cupping my nuts in a way that told me, though I couldn't see him, at
least half of his mind was still focused on pleasuring me. His thrusts were
powerful but I fucking loved it, pushing my ass right back onto him.

It didn't take long for him to start the short, fast strokes of approaching
orgasm. A rush of heat swept through me as Paul sank himself to the base and
strained into his climax. He moved more fully on top of me, his arms
wrapping around my body and his open mouth landing at the back of my neck as
he unleashed the contents of his scrotum deep into my gut. I throbbed with
pleasure, flexed muscles relaxing as the sensations of being properly fucked
peaked and dropped back, leaving me with a body-consuming afterglow and
redoubling my certainty I'd found my ideal partner. We were so sexually
compatible it felt like it should be illegal.

Paul and I allowed ourselves to collapse sideways onto the floor, his thick
arms still around me, his cock still buried in my ass. He nuzzled his lips
into the cropped hair at the back of my neck; he licked my ear, he kissed my
cheek.

"Aw, Noah. Thanks, man. Now I can die happy."

"Don't talk mad. You got years of my butt ahead of you yet."

His thick softening dick gradually deflated its way out of my chute, the
loss of was both a physical and emotional. So I did what I do whenever I
feel down, I obeyed the urge to get active.

Easing my way out of Paul's embrace I got to my feet and pulled him up onto
his. We hugged and kissed each other and could have been right back at it
within moments but I wanted to be with him without having sex, just to talk
and get to know each other, to revive the friendship we'd had way before
we'd ever got undressed together.

"Can we go out?"

"Sure. Where? You meeting people?"

"No, mate. Just us two. Just up to the Notty, have a pint then come back?"

"No problemo."

He was busy draining the bath and twisting the dial for the shower. Soon the
two of us were together under the same jets of water where, the night
before, I'd decided to forget Paul forever. Now I had to steel myself to
keep from pushing him up against the wall and fucking him. It felt a lot
better.

Like the over-horny dogs we were, we both had semi-hardons and the two
friendly cocks seemed to keep knocking against each other, like they'd not
been persuaded of the need to stop having sex. Promising myself it would be
the last time until we left, I slid my arms around Paul's wet body and found
his mouth with my tongue. His body folded into mine like that was the design
of it. I had him I knew, he was mine completely. But I still wanted him
more. It was as if the more I fed the appetite, the more it grew.

When we got out of the shower, we dried each other, hardly saying anything
but still laughing a lot about nothing, just helplessly happy together. We
went up to Paul's room naked and he ripped on some Sloggi briefs then looked
out kit for me to wear. I ended up in one of his old hall of residence
T-shirts and a pair of jeans so old his cock had left a dent at the front. I
felt comfortable as fuck.

I stood behind Paul as we looked in his mirror fixing our hair, but I didn't
give a shag about mine, my eyes were all for him. I knew he'd see me looking
and feel my dick thrusting up against his ass but when he turned round I
refused to permit any more sex.

"We've got work to do. We need to drink beer like men. We can kiss later
mate."

"You're an arse."

"I'll fuck your arse."

"Ooh, chase me!"

He darted out of the room and rumbled down the stairs. Before leaving his
room I looked round at the discarded condom wraps and underwear, the jeans
and shorts and socks. This room had seen both the start and resolution of
everything that had happened to me in the worst and best twenty-four hours
of my life. I left the room, closed the door and went down the stairs, lost
in thought about the things I'd done, the things that had been done to me.

I was still sorry I'd scared Colin, nothing that had happened in the gym had
made me feel justified about that. And I was sorry if Sarah was unhappy, but
she didn't seem to be. I knew Nick was going to take me and Paul being
together on the chin. And, like Paul had said, if anyone else had a problem
with me loving one of my teammates, screw them.

It felt like my life was as much my own as it had ever been. Maybe Paul and
I would be together forever; maybe things between him and me wouldn't work
out after all. Whatever happened I felt sure right then that, thanks to what
I'd proved I could survive, I wasn't going to be overwhelmed by whatever
might come up.

When I caught up with Paul in the hall downstairs, it seemed a crazy kind of
thought that things wouldn't work out. We'd known, liked and respected each
other as friends long before we'd got our dicks out. Sex between us seemed
like autopilot pleasure and, even if that wore out, we had the same
interests and friends, the same attitude and outlook that would keep us
mates no matter what.

He was posing in the hall, lounging against the back of the front door,
looking serious and sleazy, gripping his crotch.

"Think I could make it as rent? We could go on the game together."

"No."

"Aw, I want to do everything you do."

"Well I don't do that anymore do I? You rescued me from it."

"Paul Leys. Rentboy rehabilitation. I could get cards done..."

"Let's get to the pub for fuck's sake or I'm going to end up laying you
out."

"I'd like that."

"Paul!"

He grinned and moved away from the door, we went out and he slammed it shut.
I couldn't help myself, as we went down the path I put my arm around his
shoulders. It was rough not being allowed to hold his hand or kiss him. But
them's the breaks. Maybe it made things more forbidden and hotter still. I
wasn't sure.

It was finally getting dark but the heat of the day hadn't disappeared quite
yet.

It was odd seeing students out on the streets doing their usual thing after
spending so long alone with Paul, after the way things felt they had
changed. I'd dropped my arm from around Paul but the backs of our hands kept
touching, like our bodies were determined to be together no matter what we
intended.

In fact, that sense was everywhere, as if something else, some bigger force
was in control.

Perhaps it was why, instead of feeling excitement or anxiety as I might have
anticipated, all I felt was a deep, deep calm and the tasty prospect of good
times ahead.

It was only a short walk until we were entering the pub. My plan was to have
a drink and for us to talk together about anything we fancied. But this
story ends here, with us closing the pub door behind us.

Twenty-four hours had gone by. Inside a day I'd shifted from a version of
myself I can understand but still find hard to think about - a person I feel
sorry for - but can't miss.

I'd shifted from that to a person I felt proud of: someone I believed Paul
could love.

Of course, there was unfinished business all round me, a world of it. But
even at that moment, right then, I was thinking, fuck the house, fuck my
course, fuck revenge and setting everything straight.

So long as I had love, I needed nothing else.