Date: Tue, 12 Aug 2008 20:58:08 EDT
From: Heavensforlife@aol.com
Subject: Me and My Boys Chapter 7

Me and My Boys
Chapter 7: First Come First Served

	The next week was all about re-experiencing relationship firsts
with Will. A Little over three years separated our first date from our
second first date and we had a lot of ground to cover.
	On Tuesday we went dancing together for the second first time. On
Wednesday he took me to our second first show and on Thursday, he had his
second first fuck up.
	"Where exactly are ya'll going tonight?" Beau asked me on the phone
on Thursday afternoon. He had called me to ask what an appropriate
overnight bag to take to Phillip's house consisted of. I told him that if
they were planning on leaving the apartment, then he was doing something
wrong.
	"He's taking me to the Vogue benefit dinner," I told him. I was
stressing over what to wear. Suddenly, nothing I owned seemed right enough
for Vogue.
	"Well you have that gorgeous Armani jacket," Beau suggested.
	"It isn't cold enough for that." Stupid global warming, I
thought. It should be colder in early October; at least cold enough for me
to wear Armani.
	"What about you're white Gucci?"
	"So I can look like P-Diddy?" I asked realizing nothing was going
to be good enough for Vogue.
	An hour later, I still had no idea what to wear. Beau, however, had
decided to take a bathing suit, some clean boxers and a couple of clean
t-shirts along with his toothbrush and other basic essentials to Phillip's
house. I'd decided to call Charles for reinforcements. He showed up in a
few minutes looking as if he'd just robbed Saks 5th Ave.
	"Do you know how hard it is to lug couture downtown?" he complained
opening up several different suit bags.
	While he outfitted me in what I could tell were designs worth more
than a small third-world country's GDP, I got the lowdown scoop on him and
Justin.
	"So we talked about the whole exclusive thing," Charles said
nonchalantly. "And he's totally on board."
	"So ya'll are dating," I asked.
	"I guess so, yeah," Charles said flippantly. I couldn't believe
what I was hearing. And what was making it even more unbelievable was the
fact that he was so cool about it. Leave it to Charles to do something he
hadn't done in years and not even think twice.
	"So that's all I get? A yeah, I guess so?"
	"What? I'm not Beau or Tanner," he said. "I'm not going to get all
excited about something that's going to last a few months, tops. We're
dating because I'm tired of chasing cock like I've been doing all my
life. It's good to have a regular thing for now, but when I start wearing
matching sweaters with him like Tanner and Frank do, we're done."
	What he was saying made sense, but it wasn't very romantic. I
wonder if this was the tone he used when he had his DTR with Justin. We
were only 26 years old. Who was to say that who we were with now was the
guy we'd be spending the rest of our lives with?
	An hour later, I was sitting in my apartment wearing the most
luxurious La Croix suit I'd ever touched, waiting for Will. An hour and
forty five minutes later he showed up. I'd downed half a bottle of wine and
a vodka/cranberry by then and I was barely still in the mood to go out.
	"I'm so sorry," he said as I let him in. I was putting my shoes on
in silence. "I know you've been waiting forever and we're forever late, but
trust me you don't want to get to these parties on time anyway." I was
silent and he could tell by my silence that I was pissed. The one thing
about Will that grated me every single time when we were together was how
much more important his time was than mine. I had my first flash of the
past and for a brief second, I wondered if Tanner was right- was he still
the same old Will?
       I grabbed my jacket and scarf out of the closet. "You don't need
that," he said taking a hold of my scarf.
	"I'm going to be cold," I said quietly.
	"I brought you this." He pulled out a black and grey Burberry print
scarf, tied with blue ribbon. I didn't want to smile, but I did anyway.
	"You're lucky you bring gifts," I said taking the scarf, untying it
and putting it on. "But you're still a fuck up."
	"You're right," he said leading me out the door to my very first
Vogue party wearing my very first authentic Burberry scarf.
	**That same night, Beau was making his way uptown for a slumber
party with his new straight best friend.
	"I bought some beer," Phillip said leading Beau into his small and
simple apartment. "I hope you like beer."
	"As much as the next guy," Beau said putting his duffle bag
down. Something about Phillip was different tonight. The guy seemed
hesitant and a little nervous.
	"I thought we could watch some movies, you know, and hang out for a
while," Phillip said indicating that Beau should have a seat. "We can get
to the fun stuff later."
	"Yeah, that sounds good," Beau said sitting. "What movies?"
	"I have the X-Men box set and the latest Saw movie," Phillip
replied. Beau laughed inside- not exactly date movie fair, but what did he
expect from a straight-ish dude? Breakfast at Tiffany's?
	Phillip popped in the first of the three X-Men and sat down next to
Beau, far enough to indicate he wanted to watch the movie, but close enough
to show they wouldn't be watching it for long.
	"Wolverine looks good in that little suit," Beau said about 30
minutes into the film after thirty minutes too long of complete silence.
	"Yeah," Phillip said, eyes glued to the TV. "Do you want another
beer?"
	"No, I'm good," Beau said gagging at the thought of another drink
without fruit or sugar. He didn't need to be drunk that badly. Phillip was
on his third. Then, in a decisive move to do something bold, Beau took the
remote from the coffee table and turned down the volume. "When was the last
time you had a guy over?"
	"Huh?" Phillip asked. Beau could tell he was extremely nervous.
	"A guy. Over. At your place?"
	"Um, I guess not since high school," Phillip said. Beau's silence
indicated he wanted a story. "I had a friend who used to come over and we'd
wack off together. My parents went out of town one weekend and he came over
and we tried some stuff. He blew me and seemed to like it a lot. He let me
fuck him."
	"Did he fuck you?" Beau asked.
	"No."
	"So you weren't fucked until..."
	"College," Phillip responded. The beer had loosened him up a little
bit and Beau was starting to feel like they were finally on a
date. Phillip's body had turned towards him and his arm was up on the back
of the couch around Beau's inward shoulder. "I had a friend who got drunk
once and told me he was bi and that he thought I was cute. I told him I was
bi too and we started making out. He fucked me and it hurt like hell. I
couldn't bring myself to try it again until much later. Besides, I started
dating this girl and we were doing it pretty much every night."
	"So it's just those two? And me?"
	"No," he said. "My first job out of college. I finally got the
courage to get fucked again, thinking it wouldn't hurt as bad this time. I
went online, found someone who wanted to do it, met at his place and he
ripped me apart. It felt pretty good though. Then there was a guy at work
who I knew right away was gay and we'd meet up sometimes to exchange blow
jobs. Then I started dating Katie and that stopped."
	"Katie is your girlfriend?"
	"Yeah," Phillip replied, again surprising Beau with how open he was
being. "We've been dating for two years and we just moved in
together. She's great and I think she might be the one."
	"Cool," Beau said not wanting to press his luck too much. He
decided not to ask why Phillip had decided to hook up with him.
	"Tell me about you," Phillip said. Beau went through it. He came
out when he was 15. He tried hooking up with girls in college but
ultimately decided that he liked guys more. He wasn't sure how him being
full out gay would play over with the guy who'd assumed he at least liked
girls.
	"So you're done with pussy?" Phillip asked.
	"Yeah," Beau said. "That was a short lived experiment."
	"Cool," Phillip replied. "You just seem so different than all the
gay guys I've known, you know? Like you aren't hung up on dumb stuff. And
you're not hopelessly looking for a relationship. It's like you know that
sometimes guys just like to do it with other guys."
	Beau had no clue who Phillip was talking to. He was that guy,
hopelessly hung up. Beau was having an inner fight with himself. Should he
pretend to be the guy that Phillip thought he was for the sake of great
sex? Or was having to pretend to be a straight-ish dude dooming their
relationship- whatever it was- from the start? Was he ready for his first
no string attached relationship? Needless to say the horny side won and
fifteen minutes after they'd started their intimate conversation, they
began intimate love-making.
	With all the time in the world, Phillip was finally able to have
sex with Beau and not be in a hurry. He took his time taking Beau's shirt
and pants off. He took his time taking his own pants off and in another
surprising move, stayed in his boxer-briefs while the two of them made out
for what felt like an hour on the couch. Beau was able to feel every single
nook and cranny on Phillip's body as the bigger, straighter guy ground into
him from above, assaulting his lips with his own. Even though Phillip was
heavier, hairier and more muscular, their bodies found a workable rhythm
and before long their two hard cocks were straining against each other.
	"I'm going to give it to you tonight," Phillip whispered after
they'd finally stopped making out. His cock was poking through the top of
his skin tight briefs. "Do you want me to?"
	"Oh yeah," Beau managed to say. Phillip stood and led Beau to his
bed in the next room. He lay Beau down and climbed up on top of him,
lifting one of Beau's legs up to give him access. He loosened Beau's ass
with his fingers, first one and then two, slipped on a condom and slowly
into my friend's ass with his impossibly hard cock.
	Beau, overcome by the level of rawness and tenderness in the guy
who usually couldn't wait to get done and get out, was already nearing
orgasm.
	He arched his back, pushed back to meet Phillip's thrusts and
before he knew it, he was panting, moaning and spilling his seed all over
his stomach Phillip's chest. The stud looked down at him and smiled, his
body tightened up and a second later, he too was coming deep in Beau's
ass. Phillip collapsed next to Beau, both of them lightly layered in sweat,
holding each other. There, that night for the first time, the two of them
slept together.
	** My first Vogue benefit dinner was more than I could ever
imagine. Everyone who was anyone was there, dressed to
impress. Celebrities, designers, politicians, royalty, models and
photographers schmoozed as if it were their job- and truly it was. In
Manhattan, there are very few events that attract quite a crowd- a Clinton
backed gala is one of them. The Vogue benefit dinner is the other.
	Will introduced me to his bosses at Vogue, some models he'd shot
for his most recent shoot- Burberry- and Sarah Jessica Parker, among
others. All in all, it was gay heaven and I was eating up every second of
it.
	Not too far away, while I was having my first out of body celebrity
experience, Charles and Justin were having an out of body experience of
their own.
	"Oh my god that feels amazing," Charles shouted as Justin sat on
his dick road him in a position he'd never seen before. "Oh my fucking
god. That's... so... good."
	The two of them had been taking a "study break" for the past hour
and a half as Justin was supposed to be preparing for midterm exams. When
Charles heard that he had two months of studying to make up, he decided
he'd turn his bachelor pad into a study den, complete with every flavor of
Starbucks java available.
	"You didn't," Justin said when he'd come for what he thought would
be a quick dinner and a trip back to a bookstore in midtown. "Classical
music too?"
	"It's supposed to help with memory," Charles said. The studying,
however, was short lived as Charles, feeling antsy decided to do a strip
tease to Te Deum.
	"That sacrilegious," Justin had commented before eating it up and
joining Charles in the strip. Seconds later, studying was out of the
question and fucking was the only thing on their mind.
	Twenty minutes later, with Charles riding on top, the prospect of
failing his first college exam was not on his mind. What was on his mind
was great his first college boyfriend was.
	"God, Charles, this feels so good," he moaned, bouncing up and down
faster and faster, his own cock slapping Charles' chiseled abs with each
thrust. "Man dude, I love you sometimes."
	The words spilled out without him even knowing. In fact, he just
kept riding the rapidly deflating cock. Charles stopped thrusting upwards
and opened his eyes, unable to believe what he'd heard.
	"I'm all done, what about you?" he said calmly.
	"Huh?" Justin said. He hadn't felt Charles come but he assumed he'd
missed it. By the time his bearings were straight, Charles was up and half
dressed- the condom was safely disposed of.
	"You should get back to studying," Charles said. "I'm going to run
downtown for something." A minute later, after hearing his first "I love
you" Charles was walking down Park avenue in an attempt to get as far away
from the root as possible.
	**As for Tanner, while I was in the middle of a conversation about
fall fashion with Michael Kors, he was in the middle of a conversation
about fall fashion with Frank.
	The ceremony was closing in on them and with less than three weeks
to go, they had some tough decisions to make.
	"So I've been thinking," Tanner said. "We're definitely wearing
navy suits, but would checkered shirts be too nautical for a land event?"
	Frank was in whole his own little world, as usual, and couldn't be
bothered as Tanner flipped through men's fashion magazines.
	"Whatever you decide babe," Frank said.
	"I know, you've said that, but I've also decided everything up
until now."
	"I think we should wear striped shirts," Frank said looking up for
the first time that night. "They'll look modern but not to `nautical'."
	"You make a strong point." Tanner closed the magazine he was
reading and joined Frank on the bed. "Have you had any new thoughts about
calling your parents?"
	"They don't want to come, so I don't want to pressure them," Frank
replied.
	"But they're your parents, Frank," Tanner said. "They should be
here."
	"But they won't be so let it go," Frank said. He knew the subject
was sore, but who was ok with letting their parents miss their first
wedding? It didn't seem right to Tanner and he at least wanted Frank to try
to get them there. He decided to drop the subject for now and come up with
a better way of dealing it with himself.
	**Without any classes or students to worry about tomorrow, I spent
the night drinking, dancing and pledging to give money I didn't have. I
talked to celebrities, desperately trying to keep my cool and when I met
with Charles at Gold's the next day to tell him about my night, he acted as
bored as ever.
	"Had Kate decided to eat something this time?" he asked after my
description of how everyone looked. "And did Anna at least crack a smile
during her speech?"
	"If you know all of these people by a first name basis, why weren't
you at the benefit?" I asked him, annoyed that he wasn't ooing and ahhing
at my stories.
	"I went last year, if you'll recall as a guest of Mr. Jacobs," he
replied. "But I decided to sit out the festivities this year. Those things
get boring. "
	"One, you were the date of a guy that works at Marc Jacobs," I
said.
	"Same difference," he said. We were both jogging away on the
elliptical; a pace that was healthy but still conversational. "But enough
about you, Mr. Self Centered. What about this Justin `I love you' thing?"
	"Yeah that is unfortunate," I said. If I hadn't had decided to
cancel my class today to give the kids time to study, I'd be able to see
the expression on Justin's face. But from what Charles told me, I wasn't
sure Justin was in any mood to be seen after last night so he probably
would have skipped class anyway. "But from what you say, it could have been
a heat of the moment thing."
	"I don't care," Charles said. "You don't say that to someone you've
been fucking for a month. You just don't say that, especially to me." He
was right. What was the kid thinking?
	"Still, you didn't have to bail like that right in the middle of
fucking," I told him. Two older guys on the bikes were looking at as if we
were all kinds of perverted.
	"Oh, I'm sorry, did we say something to offend you grandpa?"
Charles asked rudely when he noticed them staring. "Did the word fuck not
exist when you were born in 1884? Yeah, turn around."
	The guys, who weren't even that old to begin with, turned around
and kept cycling.
	"So what are you going to do?" I asked Charles.
	"As if I have a choice," he said. "I'm going to act like I didn't
hear him say it."
	"But you flipped your shit and left when he said it," I
replied. "I'm sure he knows you heard him and I'm sure that's why he wasn't
in the apartment when you got back."
	"But he'll be there this afternoon. Thanks for cancelling class by
the way," he said to me stopping his machine and picking up his towel. "He
called me to set up an afternoon delight. He must not be that torn up about
it after all."
	Charles could not have been more wrong. When he got to his
apartment an hour later, Justin was already there and talking before the
door even closed.
	"Ok, so I know what you think you heard me say yesterday, but
believe me, I don't... you know," he said with a rapid fire pace. "It's
just an expression and it slipped out."
	"Hear you say what last night?" Charles said cooly.
	"Um, nothing," Justin said.
	"Now what about that afternoon delight?" Charles asked taking his
gym shirt off and walking closer to Justin. He gave him a big bear hug with
a huge grin on his face.
	"Ew, you're all sweaty," Justin said. "Don't you shower after your
workouts?"
	"The showers aren't fun when you're alone," Charles replied. "So
let's take one together."
	"I already showered today," Justin said.
	"Not to get clean, stupid," he said walking towards his
bathroom. Justin finally understood and followed suit.
	The two of them got soaped up under a constant spray of hot water
and instead of rushing to sex, they made out in the water until they
couldn't possibly have kissed any more. Justin, who was a little shorter
than Charles, had his cock between Charles' legs while Charles' dick was
vertically pressed against both of their stomachs.
	Justin had never felt lips as soft and as hot as Charles' and every
time they stopped kissing for a second, he couldn't wait to get them on his
again. But Charles' who was a master at pretending things never happened,
had other plans with his lips. He slowly began descending Justin's body,
kissing his neck and shoulder, moving to his chest and finally kneeling
before his abs, tracing his happy trail with his fingers.
	Before Justin knew it the water got hotter and Charles' mouth was
sensually kissing his rock hard prick. Charles, used to being in the
dominant position, took his time with Justin's dick, sucking it in slowly
and letting it linger in his mouth, circling his tongue around the
head. All of his actions elicited the desired effect from his student
boyfriend and before long, Justin had not only forgotten what he'd said
yesterday, but he'd also forgotten what a blow job from anyone else had
ever felt like.
	** The rest of my weekend was lackluster by single's standards, but
with a boyfriend it was more than fun. Having made some friends at the
Vogue party, I accompanied Will to his latest photo shoot on Saturday
afternoon. He was shooting a print campaign for Tom Ford near the 72nd
street entrance to Central Park. Not knowing anything about how fashion or
art worked, I decided to wander down Park Ave. Just as I was passing a hot
dog vendor near the Met and a group of people I thought may have been the
Gossip Girl cast, I saw something that made me stop in my tracks.
	For the first time since our breakup, I saw Jesse standing there
near the steps of the Met, holding a newspaper and typing something on his
BlackBerry. He looked untouchably handsome in a clean Banana Republic beige
suit and orange shirt combo that looked both fit for fall but modern and
bright at the same time. For a brief second, I wished it wasn't him
standing there. For the next brief second, I cursed how good he looked and
wished that he'd been wearing something tacky.
	I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't know how to approach him. I'd
seen ex lovers up and down Manhattan a dozen times in my life, but this was
the first time I was this close to someone I'd cared about and
betrayed. How do I go up to him and say "Hey what's up?" in that `I've seen
you naked' voice without seeming like an ass.
	Luckily for me, he caught me looking at him before I made a move
and gave me a smile. It had been over a week since the big break up; he
must have been over it by then. Wrong. After his smile, as if that's all I
got, he turned and walked away, head still down poking away at his
BlackBerry.
	For a first post-dating citing, I was left sorely disappointed.
	**The next morning, at brunch, mine was the first topic to be
discussed.
	"What do you do in that situation? I felt so humiliated," I said
not wanting to eat my overpriced Cobb salad.
	"Kind of how he felt when you told him that you'd fucked your ex
while the two of you were standing in the middle Times Square," Tanner
said.
	"That right," Charles said. "No one likes to be dumped while Laura
Bell Bundy is watching them. It's just embarrassing."
	"You're no help," I said to Charles. "But I love you," I said
emphasizing the word `love.' Only he got the joke so after he'd given me a
scowl, he had to explain to the others what had happened.
	"You're joking," Tanner said. "He said he loved you? Does he know
you?"
	"Evidently better than we do," I said quickly after.
	"We've already solved the love problem, ok?" Charles replied. "What
hasn't been solved is the problem of my empty glass." He said raising his
voice on `empty glass.' The waiter was over in seconds to refill his coke
and rum with a twist of lime.
	Just then, I noticed how quiet Beau was being. Instead of adding
his own two cents, for the first time he was just sitting there grinning
and laughing along.
	"What's gotten into you?" I asked.
	"Nothing," he said cheerily. He just took a sip of his Bud light,
something I'd never seen him drink.
	"No, no," I said. "You're not talking; you aren't crying; you
aren't complaining about the men in Manhattan and you're drinking a reduced
calorie beer. You've been fucking a straight guy."
	"Something like that," Beau replied. He sounded like a coked out
cult follower. His happiness was scary.
	"I'm surprised you can walk," Charles told him. I laughed.
	"He's so amazing," Beau said. "We sat and we talked for hours. He
told me all about growing up bi and in the closet."
	"Bi," Charles interrupted.
	We all chimed in for the line: "First stop to gay town!"
	When the laughter and stares had died down, Beau continued. "He's
just really, really sweet. If it wasn't for all the pressure around him,
he'd be out of the closet and we'd probably be getting married. He's that
perfect."
	"Speaking of weddings," I sang.
	"Two weeks bitches," Tanner said. "Your fittings are on Wednesday,
so don't make plans. And the rehearsal has moved from The Livery to this
fine establishment right here." I liked the idea of Anaria's being the
place for the rehearsal dinner. It was almost poetic. "And Frank's parents
still aren't coming."
	The look of determination mixed with sadness on Tanner's face made
me see that he had some sort of a plan worked out. In fact, later that very
day, while Frank was out running errands around town, Tanner made a phone
call.
	"Hello, can I please speak to Frank Wilson?" he said into a
telephone that had just been picked up.
	"This is he," a booming bass voice said from the other line. It was
Frank's dad- Frank Sr.
	"Hi Mr. Wilson, please don't hang up. This is your son Frank's
fiancé, Tanner."
	There was silence on the other line and Tanner assumed the guy was
contemplating hanging up. The next thing he knew, he was speaking to a
woman.
	"Excuse me, son, but we've made it clear to Franky that we will not
be a part of that side of his life," Frank's mother asked. This was the
first time that Tanner had ever spoken to Frank's parents and he was
mortified by the ladies icyness.
	"I'm well aware of that ma'am," Tanner said pulling out his best
lawyer voice. "But I'm also aware of what your disdain is doing to your
son. He's going to be walking down an aisle in two weeks. It may not be the
aisle you envisioned for him, but he's going to be making a commitment to
someone he loves nonetheless and it would mean the world to him if he could
make that commitment in front of his loving parents."
	"I understand your concern, sir," Mrs. Wilson said in a bone
chilling New England voice. "But I'd just like you to put yourself in our
shoes. We did not ask Frank to choose this lifestyle and though we support
our son's happiness, we don't always support his decisions. Our social and
spiritual beliefs will not allow us to attend this farce you would like to
pass off as a marriage ceremony. Please, the next time you decide to
contact us, have something more important to say rather than to scold my
husband and me because of our relationship with our son. Good day."
	The click on the phone signaled the first time Tanner had ever been
hung up on as well as the first time he'd ever had feelings of hate towards
another human being.
	**The next week flew past for me, but the same couldn't be said for
Beau. After his weekend with Phillip, he was eagerly awaiting the next
midnight call from his closeted (no longer considered straight) lover. When
Monday and Tuesday passed with no contact, Beau began to fret. And then
when Tuesday turned to Wednesday without anything but a text that said: I'm
too busy to hook up this week, Beau got antsy. And Wednesday to Thursday,
after several attempts to reach Phillip to no avail, Beau decided to take
matters into his own hands.
	On Thursday night, Beau ordered a pizza. He put on a nice pair of
black jeans and a white shirt, picked up his pizza and headed straight to
Phillip's apartment. When a pretty woman, who Beau assumed was Katie,
answered the door looking puzzled, he simply smiled and said "Someone
ordered a pizza?"
	"Babe, did you order a pizza?" Katie turned around and asked.
	"I don't think so," Phillip said, coming to the door in a pair of
boxers and wife beater. "Did someone-" he stopped dead in tracks when he
saw Beau smiling from ear to ear. The look of horror on his face made Beau
wonder if he'd done something a little too creepy. But the sudden smile on
Phillip's face assured him that the joke had gone over well. "On second
thought, yeah I did. I must have forgotten."
	Katie walked away, allowing Phillip to settle things with the pizza
guy.
	"Sausage pizza sir," Beau said faking an Italian accent.
	"You're unbelievable, you know that?" Phillip said trying not to
laugh.
	"You mean you didn't order a pizza sir?" Beau said, his Italian
somehow turning into Swedish.
	"I'm going out for a run in about an hour. Be wearing that,"
Phillip handed Beau a twenty dollar bill and took the pizza inside.
	An hour later, as promised, Phillip came into Beau's studio wearing
his usual running uniform. Beau, still in his delivery boy outfit got up,
lay on the bed and let Phillip go to town. His costume had worked and
before anyone could say "extra large sausage deep dish," Phillip was deeply
buried in my friend's ass.
       Phillip didn't even bother to take Beau's shirt off, turned on
instead by the outfit that Beau had used to track him down with. Seeing
this guy with balls big enough to deliver him a pizza below him with his
ass stuffed was driving Phillip crazy. After breaking a sweat and pumping
away for their customary few minutes, Phillip, finally recovered, got
dressed and headed out. Beau kissed him on his way out and when he'd
reached the door, Phillip turned and said "I think I'm going to leave
Katie. I'm not sure what I want to do yet, but I think I might leave her."
       The words sounded surreal to Beau. Was he leaving Katie because of
him? And if so, was he ready to be in a relationship? Beau wondered what it
all meant, but didn't have time to talk about. As soon as he'd said it,
Phillip was out the door and for the first time, he was sad to have to
leave.
       **Obsessing over my first ex-sighting was finally interrupted by
Will and mine second first fight. I'd made plans to go dancing with
Charles, Justin and Beau on Friday night but backed out a few hours before
when Will called and said he wanted to do dinner at Pastice.
       "I've been waiting three weeks for these reservations," he told me
when my initial answer was a no. "If you don't come with me, I'll be forced
to pick up another young hottie in SoHo and take him instead." I called the
guys and said I'd meet them for drinks after.
       Will had said the reservations were for 8:15 and after spending an
hour getting dressed and not thinking about how great Jesse had looked near
Central Park, I made the walk down 5th Ave at 8:10. I was used to waiting
for the habitually tardy Will, and though that trait annoyed me, ten
minutes wasn't that long to wait. I had a smoke outside as to not look like
a complete loser and even struck up a conversation with another smoker.
       8:15 turned to 8:25 and 8:25 turned into 8:45. I had a strict
half-hour rule and just as I was ready to start walking back to my
apartment to put my dancing shoes on, Will came running towards me.
       "I'm so sorry babe," he said kissing me on the cheek. This time, I
wasn't going down silently.
       "Really? It is the middle of fucking October and I have been
standing out here in my gorgeous Armani jacket that it is finally cold
enough to wear and you are half an hour late. Do you know how humiliating
is to stand out on the sidewalk alone? No, because I am always on time and
you never have to."
       "I get it, you're upset. But let's just go in and get something to
eat," he said.
       "I'm not hungry. Besides, they've probably given our table away
twice," I said.
       "I called ahead and told them to push us back."
       "But you couldn't call me?"
       "I tried. You're phone is off," he said. I pulled out my phone and
looked at it.
       "It looks on to me buddy." Will simply sighed and took a step
towards the entrance. I took a step towards my apartment.
       "You can't be serious," Will said in his beautiful voice that would
have affected me the first time, but this was one first I couldn't stand to
repeat it.
       "You bet your ass I am. I left a good man for you Will. I left a guy
who was always early and who opened doors and who didn't have to pencil me
in between photo shoots for Elle and Vogue. I left a guy who appreciated me
and who wouldn't dare to see me standing in the fucking cold for half an
hour. And to think I gave you a chance to redeem yourself after everything
around me told me it was a bad idea. I gave you a chance, remember? I'm
going home."
       And that's exactly what I did. Will called me twice while I was en
route back to my apartment. The third time he called, I was opening the
door, two upset to pick it up. I ordered some delivery Chinese and call
four came while I requesting some Crab Rangoon. Call five and six came
while I was in the shower and then call seven. After call seven came a few
text messages.
       -I fucked up, I know. Answer your phone. Followed by call eight and
nine.
       -If you're still awake, I'd like to come over and talk. Answer your
phone. Call ten. And then the calls and the texts stopped. I wasn't so much
angry anymore as I wanted him to realize how much he'd pissed me off. It
wasn't that he was late, although that to me was a big no, but the fact
that he was so quickly going back to his old ways made me question my
decision. For the first time in our relationship, I felt like I'd made the
wrong decision. This time, unfortunately, I couldn't just call my fuck
buddy Jesse. I was stuck with Will or nothing.
       Finally, after call number ten, I decided to call him back. He
apologized, I vented some more and we made plans to go to breakfast the
next morning. He came over at around 2 a.m. for our first session of
make-up sex and we ended up being too tired to go do anything, let alone
breakfast, the next morning.
       The next morning, as Will lay there sleeping soundly, I lay in bed
next to him having my first cigarette in over a year. This had been a week
of second firsts and the feeling of being next to my first love during out
second try at a relationship felt better than anything.