Date: Sun, 05 Feb 2006 20:12:15 -0400
From: JT Ogden <curldude@hotmail.com>
Subject: NEW- chapter 6

DISCLAIMER: INSERT TYPICAL DISCLAIMER HERE

AUTHOR NOTES: In Chapter five, I made a typographical error in which a
couple of the readers noticed. It was written in passion, and even my read
throughs did not pick it up. Thanks for picking up the error! I apologize,
and won't let it happen again. :p

New- Chapter 6

	Things were great between Will and I since the night in the park. When we
were together, which was almost always things were bliss. I learned so much
about him and he learned as much as I would let him about me, as I was still
guarded. I still wasn't willing to open myself up fully to Will for several
reasons, but all of them stemmed from one thing.
	In public, Will and I had to stay strictly platonic. Since, I had came out
to Will that night in the dorm, the rumours have been running around quite
rampant. No violence, and most people were still ok, however, there still
were the occasional "Fag" comments and jokes by the Jocks in business class.
Will stated quite sternly that he was not willing to come out, that he was
not strong enough to deal with it.
	When we were alone together, I never put another thought into it. I was
totally into Will and the attention and love he was giving me that it was a
non-issue. However, when we were in public, or when we weren't together, the
thoughts and insecurities of the issue were starting to bottle up. It was
hard to rationalize. When we were in the small cubicle of our dorm room, I
felt safe, comfortable and loved, but when we left the confides of the
cubicle, I felt very insecure and alone.
	We had many discussions of this subject between us. I didn't necessarily
want him to come out, I just wanted him not to be so guarded and afraid to
be seen near me in public. 	His response to that was that he couldn't be
near me without going ape for me. I know he loves me, but this left me to
stay guarded a little to Will. I couldn't open myself up to him yet because
he was staying guarded in some aspects to me.

	About a week after Valentine's Day was probably our first real rocky moment
in the relationship. I was walking back from class from the Business
building when I had something hit the back of my head. `What the fuck?', and
as I turned around, I saw a couple of my fellow classmates, whom I didn't
care for yell "FAG" and pelt me with snowballs. I must have been hit with
five or six to the head, several to the body, until I fell to the ground.
When the onslaught of the snowballs finished, I looked over to the guys and
in my surprise I saw Will over there with them.
	I knew he went to High School with those guys, and hung out with them, but
he just stood there and let them hit me with snowballs. I looked Will
directly in the eye, but he couldn't look me in the face. I heard one of the
guys ask Will "if I tried to jump him at night.", but Will didn't respond.
He just stayed looking at the ground.
	I got up, brushed myself off, and walked over to the group of guys with
Will, glared at them, then walked past them all calm and cool, and when one
of them yelled something as I was almost in the dorm, I flipped them the
bird and ran like hell to get inside before the snowballs were able to come
back.
	I got back to the dorm room, took off all my winter clothes, and hung them
over the radiator, took my clothes off and went in and had a shower. I just
stood in the shower, extremely hurt and just kept wondering to myself why
Will couldn't support me. I felt so used and tainted. Will was there, and
didn't say a single thing to help me.
	I then cranked up the shower radio (which by the way is an awesome
invention) and just stared at the water coming out of the shower nozzle. My
mind went blank, probably due to the overload of the magnitude of the
situation that just happened. I wasn't sure  what I was feeling. Then coming
from the door was three little knocks
	"JT you ok?"
	I now knew what I was feeling. I wasn't hurt as much as I was angry. Just
hearing Will asking me if I was ok made me angry. I turned up the radio even
more as I really didn't want to talk to him.
	"JT, please talk to me."
	Oh now he wants to talk to me. He sure wasn't in a talking mood when we
were outside. I am very good at getting myself at being angry.
	"Come on JT, we need to talk about this."
	He wasn't going to stop until I answered him, so I got out of the shower,
wrapped a towel around my waist, put on my flip flops and walked out to see
what Will wanted. I walked out of the bathroom, and just stay Will stare at
me. He was checking me out, and then I realized I was only in a bath towel.
I was pissed at him, and he was undressing me with his eyes. I walked over,
got on my bulky robe that I left on my bed and went over to my computer. I
wasn't going to make this easy for him at all.
	" About out there JT... Let me explain"
	"Oh Will, please explain that incident out there. I really want to hear how
this one is going to go. Please ravish me with this tale please."
	"OK, so I take it your mad."
	"Mad is an understatement William. (Wow, I used William) I am just bubbling
with rage. I mean I expect it out of your high school Neanderthals that you
call buddies, but Will, for someone that is supposed to love me, its
sometimes hard to tell."
	"Don't go discounting how much I love you JT. I love you more than life
itself, its just complicated."
	"Poor Will, you lead a very rough fucking life. Is that all your going to
say for your explanation? It's complicated?"
	"It's hard to explain. I mean I was just hanging out with the guys as you
were in class, and then they saw you. They ran to the snow, started making
snowballs, and threw them at you. I couldn't stop them."
	"You didn't even try. You just stood there and let them. Did at any time
say Stop or something?"
	"No, but they were only snowballs. I wasn't going to let them hurt you. I
would of stepped in then."
	I chuckled at that one "Will, I was hurt. It wasn't those assholes though,
even though it isn't much of an ego booster, it was my  I am not even sure
what to call you , `friend' just stood by.
	"You mean your boyfriend"
	"Is that what it is called? Boyfriend? Sure didn't act like it to me."
	"You're not much better JT?"
	"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
	"I open myself up to you, and you keep yourself a secret from me. I still
don't even know what happened in Quebec, which seems like one of the most
important things in your life. But you are afraid to share it with me."
	"Oh so now it is my fault."
	"No, that's not what I meant. its just that..." I cut him off.
	"Can you fault me for not trusting you with this after what happened today.
I am so insecure because sometimes I don't know where I stand."
	"Bullshit. I love you JT, and I know you know that. You are just afraid."
	"Do you want to hear what happened? I'll fucking tell you."

	So I explained to Will the details that I had dealt with last semester in
Quebec. The beatings, the betrayal by Trevor, the constant harassing and
torture, the solitude of everything, and I broke down and cried. I think for
the very first time I let all of what happened out and just cried. I could
finally release all of the feelings and emotions that I had to bottle up
just out of mental survival.
	The brain has always been a mystery to me. I am not sure, how it can close
parts of you down when it is necessary to function, but that's what it was
to me. I knew what happened, but I think I was in denial of my feelings of
the incident. After the worst bit of crying occurred, I looked up rubbed my
eyes and saw Will over in his chair with tears in his eyes.
	When I looked into his blue eyes, I could see right through him. I could
see the hurt, the pain, the sorrow of everything and I know by how we was
looking at me, he could do the exact same thing to me. He stood up from the
chair, walked over to me, grabbed my hand and had me stand and put his arms
around me tight and gave me a hug. This wasn't your typical hug, this was a
tight squeezing, love affirming type of hug. As we were hugging the sobbing
continued between the two of us. I felt so connected to Will at that time.
	To be completely honest, I never truly knew what was making him cry. I
never asked him, and it never came up. Was it the shame he felt? Was it the
reaction to my story? Was it something else? I don't think I will ever know
what it truly was. All I know, I was in this moment of sadness, which turned
around to being a moment of beauty.

	Nothing more was needed to say that night. I knew Will was sorry for the
incident, and I knew that I couldn't push Will to being with me in public
just because I wanted it to happen. He needed to be comfortable with it. It
would take some time, but as I was hugging him, I felt like we were one
person. It's weird to say, but it's true.
	It happened to be only about 7pm that evening, and we totally skipped
supper, but we were drained. We got undressed, put our bed down on the floor
and laid with each other until we fell asleep.
	Will was so clingy that evening. He needed me more than I thought possible.
I knew that there was some issues wracking his brain with him, and that it
wasn't going to be easy. But let's face it, university hasn't been that easy
to begin with, so why should this stop. This is the beginning of something
great, which I knew I had to see through.

NOTES: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I enjoy the feedback I am getting.
The stories are also posted at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/freegaystories/