Date: Tue, 5 Oct 2010 21:56:17 -0400
From: Ethan Y <mr_e08@hotmail.com>
Subject: Noah and Jordan Ch 13

The following story is a work of fiction and does not represent any living
person. The story contains sex between two consenting adult men. If you are
a minor, or it is illegal in your area to read the following story, please
leave now. The author retains all rights to the story. Please do not
reproduce without prior consent.

------------

Hello everyone,

First off - sorry. I never intended to post this late. I was actually out
of the country for a couple of months.  I even thought about ending the
story after Chapter 12 for a number of different reasons. But, ultimately,
I thought I've put in so much work and I should at least finish the story -
so I will.

Because I've been asked about notifications and group pages I have finally
created one. The group page is on Yahoo and is called "mrestories" though
for some reason it does not show up in the search. I will use this to send
out notifications when a new chapter is up. You can join in two ways (I
think).  Visit: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mrestories Or send an email
to: mrestories-subscribe@yahoogroups.ca

I will also find some perks for joining the group, like perhaps sneak peeks
or spoilers or something else (I haven't decided yet). I'll probably post
here first before on Nifty.

As always I welcome your thoughts and opinions (good or bad) at
mr_e08@hotmail.com or through the group page.

Now, enjoy the chapter.

Ethan.

-------------
Chapter 13
-------------

*Please note there are time changes in this chapter (the last time I do
this I hope). This chapter is set over the last few weeks. The Present day
is "Saturday November 6th." Time changes are indicated as such (--- DATE
---).

Thanks.

*** NOAH ***
--- Present: Saturday November 6th ---

Life is funny, odd, unexpected. It really likes to mess with your head;
throw you off course. There are times in life when you get so certain
something won't happen that when it does you have no idea how to react.
Even though you've dreamt and thought about it countless times it becomes
some foreign concept. We fight reality and take sanctuary in delusion.
Perhaps that's our defensive instinct kicking in - we don't want to be set
up for a fall.

We convince ourselves it's all just a dream. Any moment now our eyes will
open and it will all be gone. Today this is exactly how I feel. I'm caught
in a dream, one sweet, sweet dream.

I'm lying in bed like I would be on any other Saturday morning. Half of the
blanket is on top of me, and I am on top of the other half. The bed is in
disarray, with pillows, sheets and the blanket thrown about in all
directions. That's how it usually is on any given day.

But today something is different. I'm not in bed alone.

Lying beside me is a soul peacefully asleep. His face is turned towards me,
with his hair thrown across his forehead. His body slowly rises and
falls. He barely moves or makes any noise.

The moment is almost too perfect to believe. I'll wake up at any moment.

Well if it is a dream I might as well make it one to remember. I shift over
and slowly bring my lips close to his.  They are just about to touch when
the next thing I know I've been pinned down. It happens all too quickly.
An arm comes flying out around my waist; I'm rolled onto my back and the
next thing I know he is on top of me.

"Good morning," he says with a 'I got you' kind of smile on his face.

"Morning Jordan. I thought you were sleeping."

"Ah, so you were trying to take advantage of me?" he says with a playful
grin on his face.

"Of course not. Just checking to make sure you're real and I'm not going
crazy."

He leans in and plants his lips on mine. Even though I have felt his lips
countless times, every time we touch I feel a new energy inside of me.

"Does that convince you?" he asks.

"Nope, I think I need a bit more convincing."

The last few weeks have been, well, how does one put it ... interesting,
unexpected and simply amazing to say the least.

This is one November weekend I don't think I will ever forget.

--- Friday October 15th ---

His body is close to mine. We're pressed up together against the
door. There is this energy in the room, inside me, I don't think I have
ever felt before. Jordan is holding onto me tightly, as if his life depends
on it.

He wants to be with me. There is this honesty in his voice, his manners and
in his eyes I can't ignore. He wants to be with me. It starts to sink in as
I loosen up.

He wants to be with me.

I start to ease up - bring down the barricades I've erected throughout all
these years. I can feel Jordan - feel the passion within him. That's all I
need.

Our moment of bliss is broken by the intrusive sound of the phone
ringing. It snaps me back to reality - the reality of Jenn.

I manage to get one hand free and place it on his chest. He moves his lips
from mine but remains close.

"I should probably get that," I say.

"Yeah, I guess you should."

I move away but fall back when I realize Jordan is still holding onto my
other hand.

"We're in this together," he says.

"I know."

He lets go of my hand.

What am I going to say to Jenn? I try to recompose myself. This is not
going to be a fun conversation.

"Hello."

There is silence on the phone for a few seconds. When she speaks it's slow
and soft. "Hey Noah."

Her tone, style and delivery of speech are all off. Clearly she is upset -
really upset.

"Hey Jenn. How are you?"

"I've had better days ... "

"Is everything okay?" Of course I know it's not! I'm the world's worst
friend. I feel like such an ass.

Silence.

"Jordan broke up with me ... "

Shocker. "Oh. I'm so sorry Jenn."

"Thanks ... I guess."

"You okay?" Clearly she isn't!

"I guess so. I really liked him and I honestly don't know what
happened. Everything was going really well ...  and then just out of the
blue he breaks up with me."

"Did he say anything?" I had to at least pretend like I didn't know
anything.

I glance over at Jordan. He's sitting on the couch, just staring at the
wall. I can tell from the blank expression on his face he feels like as big
of an ass as I do.

"Well he came over a while ago. We were supposed to go out tonight and he
just broke up with me. It came out of the blue. He didn't give any
reason. He just said it was something to do with him."

"Oh .. " What do I even say? How do I comfort her? I would usually talk
badly about the guy she broke up with but in this case that doesn't seem
like the right thing to do.

"I honestly don't understand what happened. It's probably because I'm high
maintenance and have such a strong personality," she continues.

"Jenn that's nonsense. I'm sure it had nothing to do with you - you're a
great person. Your personality is what makes you - well, you. It's the best
thing about you. As you say he did say it was more to do with him."

"Well of course he would say that - it's a line - everyone says it to be
nice."

"Maybe he really meant it."

"Unless you forgot you're my friend and you should be taking my side, not
his."

"I'm not taking his side. Of course I support you."

"I even asked him if it had something to do with you."

"Oh ... " Shit what do I say! Of course it has a lot to do with me.

"Something was up at lunch today. You two were acting so strange. I've seen
the two of you guys together before and that is not how you act."

"That's all in the past Jenn and it doesn't matter, all that matters is how
you feel." That's my lame attempt to steer the conversation away from
Jordan and me.

"I don't know how I feel. Right now I just want to crawl into bed with a
tub of ice cream."

"It's just a temporary feeling. By tomorrow I'm sure you'll realize this is
an opportunity to find someone new - someone as energetic and as loud as
you are. I promise you Jenn, there is a guy with a strong personality out
there waiting to be with you. You'll find him - just give it some time."

The conversation drags on for a while. Jordan just sits there on the
couch. He doesn't move, twitch or do anything. He very well could be
mistaken for a statue. I know Jenn deserves the truth but I don't have the
guts to tell her. Besides it really isn't the right time now. She is upset
and it will only make matters worse.  After another 15 minutes she hangs
up. I walk over towards Jordan and sit beside him. Neither of us saying
anything for a few minutes.

Jordan is the first to break the silence. "I'm so sorry man."

"I know."

"How is she?"

"Pissed at you, but she''ll be okay."

"I didn't want it to end this way but I just couldn't drag her along. It
wasn't fair to her."

"You're right. I didn't have the heart to tell her about us. I thought it
would be too soon."

"Yeah," he says.

"Plus I think we need time to just figure out what we're doing you know
... "

He looks up at me. He takes hold of my hand and wraps his fingers around
mine.

"Yeah I think so. This is all so new to me. Where do we go from here? What
do we do?"

"Well, I'm no expert in gay relationships but I guess it's the same as any
straight relationship. I think we should take it slow and see how things
develop."

"Okay ... "

"And we'll figure it out together as we go along."

"I like that. So what do we do now?"

"Well Jenn asked me to drop by her place."

"Oh."

I can tell he is disappointed. I think he wanted to talk and figure out
what was going on.

"Sorry Jordan."

"It's okay, it's fine. It makes sense. You think I should tag along?"

"You know what, I think so. I think she would really appreciate that."

"Yeah, or kick the crap out of me. But in all seriousness, how are we going
to hang out around Jenn?"

"That's going to be a problem. Us hanging out in public is just two guys
hanging out. But in front of Jenn ... " I trail off.

"We're not even working together anymore and now she hates me, so not sure
how we even explain our friendship."

"Yeah, the thing with Jenn is if she doesn't like someone than I shouldn't
like them either."

"So what do we do?"

"I guess we don't tell her for now. Give her some time to get over
everything. After that I guess I have to try and convince Jenn you're a
good guy somehow. Not sure how I am going to do that with all of your very
apparent flaws, but I will try."

"Well my flaws are what make me so attractive to you."  He says finally
with a smile on his face.

"Sure, if you believe so."

"So, I guess I should head out then."

I don't want him to leave but I don't really have any other choice.

"Yeah ... "

"I'll call you tonight ... or wait, if you're at Jenn's place that might
not be good. Promise you'll call me when you get back from Jenn's place?"

"I promise."

"Good night Noah," he says as he reaches for the door knob.

"Jordan wait, you forgot something."

He turns around, "what?"

This time I move in quickly, pressing his body up against the door. My
hands are all over him in mere seconds. Our lips meet as I devour the
moment. A few seconds later I step back.

"A parting gift to remember me by. Good night Jordan."

"Good night Noah."

*** JORDAN *** --- Present: Saturday November 6th ---

"How's that?" I say to Noah.

He's lying underneath me with a huge grin on his face, his cheeks turning
red. He's blushing. Even now after these few weeks of being together he's
still the same shy, nervous, clumsy guy.

"Better," he says.

"Good, so we have established I am real. Whether or not you're crazy, well
... the jury is still out on that one."

He opens his mouth to say something in protest but I quickly give him a
light, soft kiss and roll off of him. I prop my head up using my right arm
and stare at him. I'm not sure why but he looks so much cuter today.

My relationship with Noah has been slow to start - which is fine - it's
what we agreed on. I'm kind of glad we haven't rushed into anything. I have
ruined relationships like that in the past. Last night though for us was a
big step. I'm surprised I am waking up here today. In the past few weeks
Noah or I would always end up going back to our own home. But last night
was the first time I stayed over.

"How are you feeling?" I ask him.

"I'm okay, a bit soar though."

Last night got a little ... rough, you could say.

"Yeah, but it was really good, I'm glad we ... thanks."

"I enjoyed it - not as bad as I thought it would be - didn't hurt as much."

"We'll work on it, it takes a bit of time. But it will be worth it."

We stay in bed for a while, just soaking in the atmosphere. It's been a
busy few weeks. After mid-terms came the nightmare of essays and
projects. Some of those are done now - but I have many more in the next
week ahead. Just a few more weeks and the semester will be over. Time sure
does fly by fast.

The rest of the time I have been busy with volleyball practice, swimming,
working and spending as much time as I can with Noah. It's been difficult
though. Jenn still doesn't know anything. It's complicated everything
because since we broke up she spends a lot more time with Noah now. I only
ran into her once while I was with Noah and it was not good. So it hasn't
been easy - but we've managed.

We've sure come a long way ...

--- Saturday October 16th ---

I didn't want to leave Noah's apartment but I didn't have a choice. It made
sense for him to make sure everything was okay with Jenn, or basically
clean up my mess. And what a mess I made! I just hope Jenn will be able to
forgive me and move on.

Noah called me quite late at night - around 2 a.m. I was waiting up the
entire time for his call. As each minute passed I think my blood pressure
went up just a bit. I was starting to get very worried when finally my
phone rang. He told me about their conversation and how hurt Jenn was. It
didn't seem like we would be able to tell her anytime soon.

Since we can't be seen in public we decide it is best we just meet
privately for now. I'm just on my way to Noah's apartment actually. It's
technically our first date.

It took me forever getting ready. I'm not one to be picky with what I wear
- but tonight is different. I really want to start this relationship off
well, especially since we already have so many obstacles to overcome.
After I think about 2 hours I finally picked an outfit I was happy with.

"Hey Noah,"

"Hi Jordan, come on in."

"Thanks. Wow whatever you're making smells great."

"Thanks. Let's just hope it tastes as good."

"I'm sure it will."

Noah is a fantastic cook. I on the other hand can't even boil rice to save
my life. Some people just don't have the skills to do it I guess - or at
least that is my poor excuse.

"So tell me," Noah starts, "when did you start to like me, you know, in a
different way?"

"You know man I'm not sure. I guess there were a lot of things going on
that played into one another. I make friends pretty easily but with you it
was different from the start. I've been great friends with John and Eli for
years yet I found it easier talking to you about breaking up with Kate. I
guess because I didn't know you and you were so helpful with taking me to
the hospital. You brought over food for me which was super nice. Then just
getting to know you in English class as well. You have such a great
personality that you hide. I love your humour - it's a bit dark and
sarcastic but it's very you. I always felt I could be me around you and
that made me feel good I guess. And then I started having dreams with you
in them ... "

"What kind of dreams?"

"Uh, well, x-rated dreams actually ... "

"What?" A great big smile comes across his face. "I'm very intrigued,
please continue."

"Well you and me together in very intimate ways. I remember seeing you kiss
Sebastian. That night when I went home I dreamed that was me kissing you
... " Wow I am getting very embarrassed. It feels like someone has really
turned the heat up. Noah on the other hand is loving all of this.

"Really, wow. Was I any good in your dreams?"

"Oh, the best - but much better in real life. So when I started having
those dreams I started freaking out. I was really confused as to what was
going on. That's part of the reason why I started dating Jenn - but as you
know that didn't work either. That just turned into a bigger mess. So
that's my story. How about you - when did my charm start to impress you?"

"Your charm - not so much. But when did I start to like you ... well ... to
be honest with you I'm not sure. As you know I don't have many guy friends
so getting to know you was great. English class was actually fun for
once. And I would have much rather worked with you than zit face."

"Oh god, right, zit face ... "

"You're just a tad bit better looking."

"Uh-huh ... "

"Fine, like ten billion times better - but don't let that get to your
head. And to be honest with you I thought you were just a dumb jock when I
met you ... "

"What! A dumb jock! Well I hope you think differently now ..."

"Yeah, I've changed my mind just a bit. And that was what surprised me that
you could carry on a decent conversation. But then when I met Sebastian he
started saying you didn't like me and so I just got really confused and
angry."

"So is that why you were so angry at my birthday party?"

"Yep. But what was up with you? If I recall you weren't all that friendly
either."

"Well it really bugged me that you were hanging out with Sebastian ... I
was jealous."

"You were jealous of me!?"

"Oh shut up, yes, I was jealous of you. Actually do you remember that time
I found you in the park and you were all so confused and wouldn't tell me
about it - I thought you had confided in Sebastian and that really pissed
me off."

"Oh, that makes so much sense now."

"By the way, what was up with you and sitting on the rock all depressed?"

"That was the afternoon Sebastian came up to me and said he knew I was
gay. It really freaked me out because I had been trying to hide it for so
long and then someone knew."

He tells me about his whole high school experience and how he had tried to
be straight when he came here.

"So that's why you dated that girl. That's why when I found out you were
gay I was so shocked - and kind of ran away as you probably remember."

"Kind of ran away? You freaked out and sprinted away! Yes, I remember," he
says.

I tell him about how and why I ran away from here and went back home for
Thanksgiving.

"Wow you were really confused then about being with me," he says. "What
made you change your mind?"

"Not being able to find out that day when I kissed you. Everyone kept
telling me that you need to live life and how short it is. I thought I had
lost my chance, so when I found you I thought it was time to let go and
just do it. Also it was so weird how the book, 'Mrs. Dalloway' was so
similar to what was going on in my life. The whole ideas of being gay and
happy. Such a weird coincidence that the book we were reading would connect
to our lives in so many ways. So yeah, when I saw you I went for it. And
I'm really glad I did."

"Yeah, so am I."

"Well clearly you weren't going to do anything about it."

"Well you knew I'm gay - I thought you were straight - so I didn't want to
get punched in the face for kissing you."

"Oh such stupid excuses. So tell me then, who is a better kisser, Sebastian
or me?"

"Really? You're going to go down that road?"

"Yep, I am."

"Well before I give my verdict perhaps a reminder session would only be
fair."

"You know what, I think that would be the only right thing to do ... "

*** NOAH *** -- Present: Saturday November 6th --

I look into Jordan's blue eyes. He smiles back at me. My heart melts a
little. He takes his foot and rubs it against my leg.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks. "You look so deep in
concentration."

"Oh nothing. Just ... I'm thinking about how we've managed to come so far."

"Yeah we have."

"Did you ever imagine you'd be waking up in bed next to a guy?" I ask.

"Honestly back in September I would have said no - not a chance."

"Same. It's so surreal you know?"

"Yeah it is - but I sure am glad to be waking up next to you."

"Be honest with me, do you regret jumping the boat. Ditching girls for a
guy?"

"Nope, I don't regret it. It's been great getting to know you better. These
past few weeks have been amazing.  I've enjoyed all of it. I still
sometimes have difficulty accepting I am sexually attracted to a guy. I'm
past the point of 'it's just a phase' so you don't have to worry about me
leaving. But there are days I get very confused and scared - those are the
days I'm glad I have you to lean on."

"You can lean on me whenever you want."

"I know and so can you."

"But I want more ... " I say.

"What do you mean?"

"I want to be with you outside of these four walls."

"Noah I would love that but you know I'm not ready to be out yet. This is
still all so new to me."

"I'm not saying we need to be public. We can just be two guy friends
hanging out. We won't hold hands or anything."

"But what about Jenn? She still doesn't know anything."

"That's the problem. I've been thinking it's time we tell her. But I wanted
to know if you are okay with her knowing about us as a couple."

"I know she's your best friend and I assume she is someone we can trust,
but I'm not sure I'm ready for even her to know."

"Well, the other option is I tell her I'm still friends with you. At least
this way we can be friends in public."

"Do you think she will be okay with that?"

I honestly have no clue. I still remember the first time Jenn saw me with
Jordan. It was not fun ...

--- Wednesday October 27th ---

Life's good. It's been one and a half weeks Jordan and I have been
dating. Today we had our English class together. It's good the professor
likes us again. He stopped assigning Jordan a seat at the front and we can
now sit together. Both of us though are a bit more cautious of how friendly
we are in public. I'm still a bit nervous people will draw the wrong - or
well in this case - right conclusion. Even though I am a bit hesitant -
this really is the only time Jordan and I are together outside of my
apartment or his dorm room - so we still do have fun.

For example, there's our good friend zit face. It would be a good idea
actually to learn his name - but zit face suits him so well. Today he has
his presentation and wow am I glad I am not his partner. For one he sucks -
and the second I got to meet Jordan because of this class. Anyways -
throughout the presentation he keeps picking at a pimple on his face - it
is, yes - nasty. He then wipes his hands on his jeans. He comes around
giving us handouts of his presentation. Most people touch them with
caution, for obvious reasons. Jordan and I can't stop laughing. Good thing
the professor also finds all of this funny - because I really don't want to
get kicked out of class again.

When the bell finally rings Jordan and I - like usual - make our way out of
class.

"You know what," Jordan starts, "I'm going to buy that guy some acne
medicine."

"I'm not sure it will help."

"Well it still is worth a try."

"Why do you care so much?"

"Come on I feel bad for the guy. Why are you jealous?"

"HA! Jealous of zit face! I can honestly and truthfully say hell no. Oh my
god can you imagine kissing him?"

"I just ate a while ago, don't make me barf."

"Hey some people just have a problem - they can't help it."

"But it's nasty." Jordan says.

"Well not everyone is born with good looks like you. Some of us have to
work at it."

"So what - were you acne face in high school?"

"Oh god no. I had acne yes but not that bad. But you know I was - and still
am - a nerd and that kind of showed."

"Don't tell me you wore suspenders."

"No I didn't wear suspenders - but I didn't have much fashion sense
either."

"What do you mean? I'm curious how did you dress?"

"Nothing stupid but it was not good either."

"Oh man I can just imagine you in high school that was probably a great
thing to see. I want to see some pictures!"

"Good thing I don't have any."

"You must have some!"

"I left them all at home so you're out of luck mister," I say.

"Did you wear your pants to your belly button like old men do?"

"Dude, shut up," I say while taking my hand and slapping him on the side,
"I wasn't that bad either. Honestly!  And I'm not showing you anything."

"Oh man, come on it would be great. I won't laugh I promise."

"You're laughing at me now!"

During this whole conversation neither of us realizes how far we've walked
- or that Jenn is standing right in front of us.

"Hi Noah."

It's only when I hear her voice I realize she is here. Crap!

"Hey Jenn!" I say.

"Hi Jenn," Jordan says rather quietly.

Jenn just shoots him a nasty look, grabs me by the arm and walks off.

"What are you doing talking to him?"

"Jenn we just had our English class and we walked out together and I ... "

"So, what? You know what a jerk he is. I thought you didn't talk to him
anymore."

"Well I, it was ... "

"I still hate that guy. He is a user. You're right. Remember you once had a
fight with him because he said something about you and you got mad and I
said don't jump to conclusions ... well you were right - I admit it for the
first time. No point even bothering with him. I hate fake people."

"Jenn, I ... " What can I even say to her? She won't even let me finish my
sentences.

"Noah just please don't talk to him. I know you have to see him because of
class but just leave it at that. He's just a manipulative user."

There's no point in even trying to defend myself. I'm able to turn back and
see Jordan still standing there.  This sucks.

*** JORDAN *** -- Present: Saturday November 6th --

I never thought I would get this close to Noah so quickly. I've started to
understand him so much better. For instance right now lying in bed with him
I can read him from his eyes. There is this fear in them, this
uncertainty. He really doesn't know what to do. It's the way he lowers his
gaze and won't look at me in the eyes. The way he tilts his head down. I
know he is happy with me - but I know he truly is still torn about what to
do about Jenn.

"So what do you think?" Noah asks.

"I don't know. I would love to be out with you as well. Go out for dinner
or a movie. But I understand you are afraid to lose Jenn."

"I just don't want to be in a position to choose you or her. I care for
both of you."

"And I don't want to put you in that position. Noah, I leave this decision
up to you. Whenever you think you are ready to tell her - and she is ready
to listen - then go for it. But of course you'd chose me because I'm so
awesome!"

"Sure buddy you tell yourself that."

In the last few weeks I've thought about telling John or Aiden - my high
school friend in Australia - about Noah. But every time I chicken out. I'm
really not sure how John will react. We've never really talked about any
topics pertaining to gay people. When he doesn't like something he does say
'that's so gay' to indicate it's a bad thing. Other than that I don't
really know how he feels.

Then there is Aiden who I've known for years. He is my best friend. We
really did play in the sand box together. He's my version of Noah's Jenn
you could say. I talked to him a few days after hooking up with Noah. I
told him I had finally done it. Of course he thinks Noah is a girl. I
wanted to correct him but I didn't.  I was too afraid. I'm not sure how he
will react and I don't want to lose him as a friend. This is why I
completely understand how Noah is feeling right now and I don't want to
pressure him into anything.

There are times when I say I am going to tell my friends. I get this rush
of emotions but they quickly go away.  It's been so much easier dating Noah
out of the public's eye. I think it's given me time to grow as a person and
grow more comfortable with the idea of being bisexual. There are still days
I question what I'm doing. I wonder if it's the right thing to do. Those
are the days I rely on Noah to reel me back in.

I wonder sometimes if I will ever be ready to be out in public. Right now I
honestly don't know. All I want is to explore where this relationship goes
with Noah. In due time if I feel I am ready I will let my friends know.
For now though this is just my secret with Noah.

I knew being with Noah would be difficult. I knew we would have many
obstacles to face. But I never knew there would be so many. First there
were issues of being in a secret relationship. Then there was the even
bigger problem known as Sebasian. I can't say I've handled the latter one
very well.

--- Friday October 22nd ---

"Alright I've got the popcorn, the movie is in the DVD player. Looks like
we're ready to go," I say.

Noah is over at my place tonight. We're getting ready to watch a movie.

I turn the lights down low and the two of us curl up into bed under a
blanket. It feels so good to be next to Noah.

"I can't believe you've never seen 'Lord of the Rings' - have you been
living in a bubble?" he asks.

"It's been on my to watch list but I just never got to it. Besides I don't
know what the hype is."

"It's such a good movie - one of my favourites."

"Well if we are going to invest, what 9 hours of our time watching it - it
better be good."

Throughout the movie I pester Noah with questions.

"So who is that guy? ... Is Gandolf evil? ... Why are the hobbits so small?
... Does Frodo lose the ring?"

"Dude, just shut up and watch the movie!"

I quiet down for a bit but resume my annoying habit a little while later.

"Why does the Elf speak so awkwardly?"

"I don't know - it is actually kind of annoying. But come on anyone with
such cool pointy ears is allowed to speak funny."

"You know I think I know why you like this movie now."

"Why?"

"You love the Elf. You think he's hot!"

"This movie is awesome on its own, but hey, some nice eye candy doesn't
hurt. Yeahm, Orlando Bloom is hot - but I'm not in love with the elf."

"I'm not so sure about that," I tease him.

"So what do you think?"

"About?" I ask.

"Orlando Bloom. Think he's hot?"

"I suppose so ... yeah ... not ugly ... what are we going to start checking
out guys now?"

"You started it. I'm just curious about your taste."

"I don't know. I've never really thought about if a guy is hot or not until
recently I suppose."

"So what about Brad Pitt?"

"Over rated."

"George Clooney?"

"I don't see it."

"Let's see who else do people usually find attractive. Leonardo?"

"Can't act."

"So what's your type then?"

"I'm not into Hollywood actors I guess, and even if I was I'm not telling
you."

"Oh come on," he says, "there must be an actor you think is hot. You can
tell me, I won't get jealous."

"We're not playing this game."

"Oh don't be a chicken."

"You tell me first then," I say.

"No I asked you so you have to answer first."

My phone starts ringing. Saved by the bell.

I look at the phone - it's John.

"Oh, it's only John - I'll let it go to voice mail."

"I'll pry the answer out of you someday," he says.

"Fine. Let me see. Well remember the movie 'Fast and the Furious' the cop -
he's hot I'd say."

I don't know why I feel embarrassed calling a guy hot in front of Noah. I'm
still trying to wrap my head around this whole concept of liking guys.

"Paul Walker?"

"Yeah I think that's his name."

"Good choice - I agree. So you're into blonds then?"

"Yep so you should dye your hair blond too. Okay so you tell me now," I
say.

"Shhh, this is a good scene."

"You're not getting away so easily!"

"I already gave you one - Orlando Bloom."

"So you're into Elves then, eh? Should I make my ears pointy for you?"

"No. You're not cool enough to pull it off. Okay, really, stop now - this
part is important in the movie!"

"Fine."

My phone starts vibrating. I have a new text from John: "Yo man, where are
you? Thought we're going out tonight. Be at your place soon."

"Shit!"

"What's wrong?" Noah asks.

"I forgot John had asked me to come out with him tonight. He's on his way
here to pick me up." I pause the movie. "I'll give him a call."

"It's okay if you want to go out with your friends, that's fine. We can
watch later."

"I would much rather spend my time here with you. Just give me a second."

I dial up John.

"Hey man,"

"Dude where have you been? I tried calling you earlier. Are you almost
ready? I should be at your place soon."

"Actually John I am just going to stay at home tonight."

"What? Man you need to get out more. Ever since you broke up with Jenn you
just spend your time alone."

I had told John about my breakup with Jenn - though I didn't tell him
why. Now he thinks I'm depressed or something.

"I'm fine - just been busy with a lot of school work that's all."

"Well it's a Friday and you have the day off tomorrow so do it then."

How do I get rid of this guy without offending him?

"John I'll go out with you guys another night. I'm honestly really tired
tonight. Don't worry about me and have some fun."

"You sure man?"

"I'm sure."

"Alright it's your life. See you later."

"Bye."

I turn back to Noah.

"Sorry about that."

"It's okay. He wanted you to come out with them?"

"Yep. He thinks I am depressed because of my break up with Jenn. To them
I'm single again and I should be back out on the party scene. I know these
two won't stop bugging me about it. The day I told John about my breakup he
was telling me about a different girl I should date. But don't worry I'd
much rather spend my time with you. Now okay, back to this never ending
movie!"

--- Monday October 25th ---

I am really looking forward to tonight and yet at the same time am sad
too. Tonight is my second volleyball game of the season. It's great to be
back on the court with my teammates. The problem is Noah won't be here. I
had asked him but I knew he wouldn't come. The main reason - Sebastian. I
don't blame him for not coming.

Last week Thursday was the first time I saw Sebastian at our volleyball
practice. I had a strong urge to punch him and mess up his pretty little
face. He deserved it for everything he had put Noah through. Yet I
refrained.  Instead I just avoided him at all times. It wasn't easy because
there aren't that many of us on the team to begin with - and Sebastian is
our captain. I was just going to have to live with him.

Practice went okay - he did try to make small talk with me but I was able
to avoid him for the most part.  Tonight though will be different.

After I get changed I make my way onto the court. Since my foot has
completely healed now I am able to play regularly and like I used to
before. Unfortunately because of the way the rotation works I get to stand
to the right of Sebastian. The idea is that when I am in the centre he can
set me - and then vice versa.

The whistle blows and the game begins. Alright - just focus on what you're
here to do and avoid Sebastian at all times. I'm standing on the front line
to the right - Sebastian is to my left. The ball comes over the net and is
passed to me. I can see Sebastian get ready - I'm supposed to set the ball
to him - but instead I hit it up high so that it goes over the
net. Sebastian gives me a look indicating "what was that?" but I don't
respond - we got the point which is all that matters.

Eventually I am back up to the front of the net. Again the ball is passed
to me - and I should technically set it to Sebastian - but I don't - I try
to tap the ball over myself and it comes up short.

"Sorry guys," I say.

It doesn't really matter we are still winning.

With the end of the second set - not once have I hit the ball to
Sebastian. I find some way to avoid him. He just makes my blood boil every
time I see him.

Sebastian isn't an idiot. It looks like he can tell I am avoiding him on
purpose. When the third set beings he starts to avoid me as well. A number
of times we have good opportunities to clinch a point but we blow it.  We
quickly start to fall behind. It's game point for the other team in the
third set. The ball is passed to the front - and both Sebastian and I call
it. I'm not going to back down - I called it first. I jump up to spike it -
and so too does Sebastian. We end up hitting each other - and the ball
falls to the floor.

The coach yells out something. He looks furious.

"What the hell are you two doing?" he asks.

"Nothing coach." I say.

"Then what the hell was that?" the coach asks.

"Bad communication coach, that's all." Sebastian says.

"That's more than bad communication - you two haven't been passing each
other the ball all night. We've given up a number of opportunities to spike
the ball. I don't know what's going on between the two of you but you
better leave it outside this gym. I'm not going to put up with that
crap. Now start working together or I am benching both of you - got it?"

"Yes coach," we both say.

Okay - the team is more important that stupid Sebastian. I just have to
play professionally. Both of us start to act more civil and we manage to
take the last two sets and win the game. Once it is done I try to get out
of there as quickly as possible.

"Have a good night guys," I say as I leave the locker room.

I didn't see Sebastian - good. The gym is also much emptier now.

I'm about to exit when Sebastian corners me.

"What the hell is going on?" he asks.

"What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"I don't have time to play mind games Sebastian. If you'll excuse me I have
somewhere to be."

He doesn't move. "Jordan don't fuck with me. You were avoiding me on
Tuesday during practice. I didn't think anything of it. Tonight - you
wouldn't even pass me the ball. I'm not an idiot - you were doing it on
purpose. What the fucks your problem?"

"What the fucks my problem? What the fucks your problem! You need to learn
how to respect other people. I can't believe I ever thought of you as a
friend."

"And what exactly did I do to deserve this type of treatment?"

"Don't act all innocent - you know exactly what I'm talking about - what
you did to Noah."

"Oh - so this is what this is all about. Look, not that it is any of your
business, I didn't do anything to your stupid little friend okay. He's the
fuckin slut ... "

I can't take it anymore. I give in to the anger building inside me and
throw a punch towards Sebastian. He's quick - and swings out of the way. He
grabs hold of my arm and we start to wrestle with each other. He slams his
body weight against me as I hit the wall. I try to get my arm loose but I
can't. The struggle only lasts a few seconds.

"Break it off you two!"

It's the coach yelling. Crap.

"You two are lucky I am not going to report this to your departments. What
has gotten into you both?"

"Sor ... " Sebastian starts.

"I don't want to hear it. Get your acts together. Both of you are suspended
from the team for two weeks - one for your behaviour before and the second
for this crap. Don't bother coming to practice or the game. And if I catch
you two fighting again - you'll be off the team for good, understand?"

"Yes sir."

"Good - now get the hell out of here before I change my mind."

FUCK!

What the hell is wrong with me? That ass deserved it. I swear he pisses me
off so much. I can't believe he would call Noah a slut. What a fucking jack
ass. I'm so angry I want to punch something!

I need to calm down. Just calm down. Calm down.

My phone starts to ring. It's Noah.

"Hey Noah."

"Hi Jordan - how was your game?"

"Ah good - we won."

"Congrats - but why do you sound like you just lost."

"Long story."

"What happened?"

"Sebastian."

"What did you do?"

"Why do you think I did something?"

"Just a hunch."

"Well it could have been him."

"Fine, what did Sebastian do?"

"I punched him."

"You what? Jordan!"

"I know, I know it was stupid - he ducked anyways so I didn't actually hit
him. He just - ah - he angers me so much. He was calling you names and I
just - I couldn't take it. I won't have him speak about you like that."

"Jordan, I'm honoured that you would do that for me - but it's not worth it
- he's not worth it. He doesn't matter to me anymore."

"Well it's too late now anyways - the coach saw and suspended us both for
two weeks from the team."

"Crap. I'm sorry Jordan."

"You have no need to be, it was my decision. And you know what, I'd
probably do the same thing again."

"Just leave him be. I know it's not easy because you see him at volleyball
but please Jordan - for my sake - just let it go."

"Fine, if you say so Noah I will try."

"Thanks."

--- Friday November 5th ---

It's the last day of my two weeks suspension from the team. It's been a
horrible week. Most of my teammates are pissed. They pretty much all called
trying to figure out what happened between Sebastian and myself. I didn't
really give any of them details. We ended up losing our next game. Tonight
is another one and again I am sitting out.

I hate sitting here when I could be on the court helping my team. But I
can't do anything. I tried talking to the coach but he was firm on his
decision. He even told me not to come to the game to watch. He really was
pissed at what I did and how I acted. He's a good guy but when it comes to
discipline he is firm.

Noah can tell how crappy I feel.

"Come on man cheer up. Next week you'll be back with your teammates."

"Yeah I know - but it still sucks. We've been working so hard as a team and
I hate that I can't be part of it. If we lose today's game that really
isn't good. We need to win. But who knows what's going to happen."

"I'm sure it will be fine."

I try to distract myself but nothing seems to really work.

My phone starts to ring - it's John.

Great. I had been avoiding him as much as possible for the past few
days. When the weekend comes around he always wants to go out clubbing or
partying. I did go out with him last weekend after Noah insisted. He said
it was important to keep our other friendships alive and I agree with
him. John still thinks I am all depressed about Jenn and so he took me to a
strip club - the same one I went to when I was confused about Noah.

Being back in that building this time was so weird - I wanted to leave. I
felt like I was being unfaithful towards Noah. I did tell him what happened
and he laughed instead of getting angry. I had to convince John to go
somwhere else. I've told both of them I want to take a break from dating
and just focus on myself. My whole point was I had two break ups in a short
time and I needed time to adjust. For the most part it worked but still my
friends could be annoying, which is why avoiding them was easier.

I decide to pick up the phone and the conversation goes as expected. He is
going clubbing tonight and wants to know if I want to go along. I tell him
no. We argue. He hangs up. During this fun filled conversation Noah ducks
into his room. After I hang up he emerges with a volleyball in his hands.

"Let's go."

"Where?"

"Outside."

"Why?"

"You ask too many questions man. If you can't play with your team that
doesn't mean you can't play at all.  I don't like this moppy Jordan. I'm
not that great but I challenge you to a game of volleyball."

I can't help but laugh. "You're serious?"

"Hey, does it look like I'm joking?"

"I guess not."

"Then let's go - there is a basketball court nearby and we will just have
to improvise."

This should be interesting.

"Alright now - I'm not good as you know so go easy on me."

"I'll try."

The next half an hour is well ... not like any game of volleyball I have
ever played. Noah tries - I'll give him that - but he is right - he's just
not the athletic type. He's getting better though. I really do appreciate
his effort and trying to make me feel better. Laughing at him actually does
distract me.

"As I've said before - his is NOT dodgeball - hit the ball - don't move
away!" I yell at him.

"Well it was like coming at 100 kilometres an hour!"

"You're such a drama queen."

"Oh man my arms are going to fall off! I'm like 10 different shades of
red."

"Yeah that happens sometimes - especially if you haven't played in a long
time."

"They're so soar."

"And will be in the morning."

"Why couldn't you have picked an easier sport - like badminton or
something?"

These are the moments - the times that really draw me closer to Noah. He's
just always there to support me in whatever I need. He tries to take
interest in the stuff I like to do and not just pretend to like it - but he
really tries. It's moments like these where those doubts of being gay are
washed away and I can really proudly - at least eternally say - I have a
boyfriend.

After Noah has managed to trip, fall, miss the ball completely, get hit by
the ball in the head and a number of other things we decide to head back to
his place - it's getting late.

"Alright man I guess I will head out then. Thanks for the game - it really
did help."

"Oh that was nothing - just my way of showing you I really appreciate you
standing up for me to Sebastian.  Don't do it again of course - but
nonetheless I really appreciate it."

"Anytime my man, anytime."

A silence falls between us. It's usually like this as I get ready to leave.

"Alright man," I say, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Jordan wait."

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking perhaps ... " he pauses, "perhaps you could stay here
tonight."

"Are you sure about that? You know you don't have to feel obliged to."

"I know. I want you to stay."

"I'd love to."

*** NOAH *** --- Present: Saturday November 6th --

I finally get out of bed by noon. I wanted to get up earlier but Jordan was
being a lazy bum.

Once up I smack him with my pillow.

"Okay, get up! We have a lot of work to do this week. I have two essays
still to do and so do you. Can't be lazy if you want to get into med
school, so get up."

"You know I left home so I wouldn't have to deal with my mom's nagging!"

"Well, now you're stuck with me so get up!"

"Fine, fine, fine."

After having breakfast - or well, actually, lunch - we go out into the
little family room to do our school work. It's been a very busy
semester. I'm not surprised because it is my third year now.

I'm trying to do my work when I start to feel Jordan's leg rub up against
mine.

"What are you doing Jordan?" I ask him.

"Nothing."

"Well we have to get this work done."

"But I'd rather be doing so many other things right now," he says with an
evil grin on his face.

"So would I but these essays aren't going to write themselves, are they?"

I turn my attention back to my laptop. I can see from the corner of my eye
Jordan is shifting closer to me on the couch. He brings his face to my neck
and starts to kiss me. I sigh deeply.

"Jordan, we have so much work to do."

"I know, you're doing yours and I'm doing mine, so stop bugging me."

He continues to suck on my skin, moving up to my earlobe. The one thing I
love about Jordan is he is so patient. He loves to take his time, slow and
easy. He's even been patient with me about having sex. Last night though
was big for us.

I can't concentrate. Could anyone? What with an amazingly hot boyfriend
treating you like royalty?  I don't think anyone could. I lie back on the
couch and just let him take over me - mind and soul. He moves from my
earlobe back to my neck and works his way to the other side. His hand finds
my nipple and starts to message it. His touch is so soft and gentle.

His lips move up along my cheek and find their way to my lips. I close my
eyes and let him take over me. His tongue moves into my mouth as he kisses
me with so much desire. His motions are careful and calculated. He doesn't
rush but keeps his transitions smooth - driving me crazy and making me want
him more and more.

My dick starts to strain against my pants. He is lying on me - I can feel
he is hard as a rock as well. He slows down and looks at me. He's trying to
see how far I am willing to go. I smile back at him and he pushes my shirt
off of me and tosses it to the floor. He makes his way down my chest
stopping at me nipples. He begins to chew on them slowly - while his free
hand messages the other one.

Fuck he feels so good.

It's getting really hot in here.

I find the edges of his shirt and pull it over his head. His body really is
a testament to his athletic skills. His arms are well defined - but not
bulky. His whole body seems to be well toned, leading down to some very
nice abs. He truly is gorgeous. His lips start to move down my torso, past
my belly button.

He stops, looks up at me and puts his hands on my belt.

His eyes stare into my soul. There is a softness there that reflects what
he feels for me. I give him a small little nod and he unbuckles my belt. He
pulls down my pants and throws them onto the floor. A tent is visible in my
boxers. He doesn't pull them off but places his hand on my dick and begins
to stroke it. He puts his thumbs into my waistband. He starts to pull down
...

My body aches with anticipation.

What the hell is that sound?

Someone knocks on the door.

"Hey Noah, it's me Jenn."

Even though neither one of us says it out loud - I know we both scream
"FUCK" in our heads. My heart beat starts racing a mile a minute. Jordan
jumps up off of me.

I get up and put my clothes back on.

"Grab your stuff and just go into my room." I whisper to Jordan.

He grabs whatever he can quickly find and runs into my room.

"Just a minute Jenn."

Okay, relax. I adjust my dick in my pants - which is still rock hard - so
it isn't noticeable.

Why did she have to show up now?

Breath. Relax. Breath. Okay. I open the door.

"Hey Jenn."

"Hey Noah, can I come in?"

No, no and no. "Yeah, sure."

"You seem surprised to see me."

"I am."

"Uh, we were going to work on our history paper together remember?"

"No, not really."

"Noah we talked about this two days ago. We said we would meet on Saturday
at your place."

"We agreed to meet on Sunday."

"No the 7th."

"Yes, which is Sunday."

"Oh, crap. I don't know where my head is these days. Well, it doesn't
matter we can just do it now."

"Um, ah .. " Crap, how the hell do I get rid of her?

"What's wrong man? You seem confused. Are you busy or something?

"Well ... um ... kind of."

She cuts me off.

"Is someone else here?"

"No, just me."

"Then why are there two bags on the floor? That's yours but the other has
the school volleyball team logo on it ... "

"It's actually my bag. I got it a long time ago ... ah, during frosh week,
they were, they were giving them away."

"Okay, sorry you just seem really off that's all."

"Nothing, everything's fine."

"Okay, so then about the essay for the espionage course," she says sitting
down, "what exactly are you writing about?"

I make my way over to the other couch and sit across from her. "I, um ... "
I look across to my room, "about the ... "

"Hey you dropped a book under the table."

She leans down to pick it up.

"Why do you have a life sciences text book here?"

"Ah ... "

Her smile slowly starts to fade away as a stern look comes across her
face. This can't be good. "Jordan's here."

"What? No, why, ah, how did you come up with that?"

"Noah - don't lie to me. The school bag with the volleyball logo - I've
seen Jordan with that bag - and a life sciences book - he's in life
sciences. Unless there is some other explanation I really would like to
hear it."

Ah crap. This is not going to be good.

*** JORDAN *** -- Present: Saturday November 6th --

Shit! Where the hell did she come from?

Oh man things were going so well. Not that I'm complaining but Noah and I
were getting really close - when she walked in! FUCK!!

My luck really does suck. I guess it's the only thing that will be sucking
tonight. I was so close.

Last night when Noah asked me to stay I thought we would finally have sex -
but we didn't. We were fooling around and I was trying to see how far Noah
would go but I could tell he was not ready. Having me sleep over for him
was a big step as it is. I want to go further with him but I don't want to
rush things either.  Finally though on the couch we were getting so close
when Jenn walked in!

And she doesn't seem to be leaving either.

Crap - my bag! Shit I forgot it on the floor. Good Noah seemed to have
covered that well.

"Wait. Jordan's here."

Oh crap.

I can hear Noah is nervous. "What? No, why, ah, how did you come up with
that?"

"Noah - don't lie to me. The school bag with the volleyball logo - I've
seen Jordan with that bag - and a life sciences book - he's in life
sciences. Unless there is some other explanation I really would like to
hear it."

Shit. This is not good. We had talked about telling Jenn but not like this!
This is bad - really bad.

"I know he's here. Jordan you can come out from wherever you're hiding,"
she says.

Silence.

Then I hear Noah. "Jordan, come out."

This is going to be fun.

I open the door and walk out into the family room.

"Hi Jenn."

She glares at me before turning back to look at Noah.

"Noah, what the fuck is he doing here?"

"Jenn, calm down ... "

"No, you lied to me Noah, how can I calm down? You knew how I feel about
him and yet you still keep meeting him - you're still friends with this
fucking asshole!"

"Jenn stop," Noah voice rises as he speaks. "You've said enough. I wanted
to tell you earlier but I couldn't.  Jordan and I are still friends."

"Still friends? After all I told you about him? After what he did to me you
still want to be friends with him?  I can't believe you Noah. You know what
I'm out of here."

She turns to walk away.

"Jenn wait," Noah calls out to her.

"Look Noah," she says, "it's either me or him so pick one."

"I can't Jenn."

"Then that means you pick him. Some guy over your best friend. I can't
believe you Noah."

She walks towards the door. I can't let her leave.

"Jenn wait. Noah is more than just my friend. He's my boyfriend."

She stops and slowly turns around. She looks taken aback. She definitely
didn't see that coming.

"Your boyfriend? Since when?"

"It's complicated Jenn," Noah replies.

"Since when?" she asks again.

"Since the day you two broke up," Noah says.

"That's why I broke up with you Jenn," I say. "I was very confused about my
feelings for Noah and I didn't think I was bi or gay and I liked you so I
went out with you - but the more I got to know Noah the more I realized how
much I like him. I didn't think it was fair to you if I kept dating you -
so I broke it off. I'm sorry."

"So you're gay too?" she asks.

"Yeah, I guess I am." I say.

"Look Jenn, I didn't want to hurt you. This is why I didn't tell you. You
are my best friend and I really care for you - you know that. Then with
Jordan - I've wanted this for so long and I couldn't say no," Noah says.

"I don't even know what to say," she says.

"Look, I think I should go," I start to say, "I think the two of you need
to talk some stuff out right now."

"No, it's okay. I think I should go," says Jenn. "I have a lot to think
about."

"Jenn, please don't go." I see Noah is really upset.

"I have to Noah." She then walks out the door.

Noah looks so down hearted - defeated.

"Go after her. Go. I'll still be here when you get back." I say.

"Thanks man."

Wow - that was ... I don't even know how to describe it. I hope the two of
them can patch things up. I know how much Noah loves Jenn and depends on
her. I honestly would hate to be the person responsible for breaking up
their friendship. I'm not sure I could live with that for the rest of my
life.

I don't want Noah's fight with Jenn to come in the way of our relationship
either. I'm really falling for this guy. It's weird because we haven't been
dating for that long - perhaps 3 weeks. Yet I feel like I know Noah so much
better than most people I date. I guess because I have known him now for a
bit over 2 months now.

I wasn't planning on telling Jenn about Noah and I being boyfriends and yet
I did. I did it because I feel there is something strong between me and
Noah. There is potential here. I wanted him to know I don't see him as just
a friend and I can tell other people - or at least some people. I know Jenn
won't say anything to anyone else. It was a big step to take but I'm glad I
did.

Being with Noah has opened up my eyes. I find I am becoming more aware of
who I am - not just sexually. I find I have started to notice and pay
attention more to other guys - the way they look. I'm not checking them out
- Noah really is the only guy I want or need. But I'm starting to slowly -
and I should say very, very slowly - come to terms with being with another
guy.

I still have days when I get into a panic attack and wonder what the hell I
am doing. All the negative feelings over take me. The questions about what
am I doing with my life? Can I be gay? This isn't the lifestyle I want to
live. Do I want to have kids? I hate these days. They really, really
confuse me and depress me. I'm glad they are not as frequent as they were
before. I find it helps when I am with Noah because most of my fears start
to melt away.

I just hope Noah can patch things up with Jenn. If he can't ... that won't
be good for our relationship.

*** NOAH *** -- Present: Saturday November 6th --

"Wait Jenn."

I run after her in the hallway. She stops but doesn't turn around.

"Please just listen to me," I say.

"Noah, I'm not sure there is much left to say."

"Just, just listen then."

"Listen to what," she says while turning around. "Listen to how the day
Jordan dumped me you hooked up with him. You came over to my house that
night. You lied to me. That whole conversation was one big lie.  What
possibly can you say now that would make me trust you?"

"I know I don't deserve your trust - I know. But Jenn you're my best friend
and you have to believe me when I say I didn't mean to hurt you. And you're
right I haven't been completely truthful with you so here goes. Do you
remember the night I went missing and Jordan found me?"

"Yes."

"Well he kissed me that night and I kissed him."

"Noah if this is supposed to be making me feel better it isn't - so you
hooked up with Jordan even before he broke up with me?"

"No, no, just listen. Me kissing him was wrong and I admit that but I
didn't even remember he was dating you - I was just so shocked at what was
happening. When I remembered you, I broke it off. He asked me to be with
him and I said no. I said no because of you. I couldn't do that to you. But
Jordan was persistent. That's why the next day when we went out for lunch
it was very awkward between us. You said something was up that day - and
that was it. He wanted to be with me and I said no - because of you.

"He decided to break up with you and that's when he came over to my
place. And Jenn you have to believe me my answer was still no but I just
... I really wanted it. This whole sexuality thing has been really hard for
me.  I'm still very confused as to what I am doing - but when I am with
Jordan that confusion goes away. I don't feel that same anxiety. Being with
him gives me something to hold on to in life and I really like him. I know
this is my first relationship with a guy - or at least a proper one - but
there is something there. This is not a fling Jenn. I really like him."

She doesn't say anything.

"I've been struggling with this sexuality question for years now. Only now
have I started to come to terms with it. Being in a relationship with
Jordan has helped me a lot. I finally feel happy. I finally feel true to
myself. It's helped me grow so much. But Jenn if you want me to break it
off with Jordan I will. If that's what it takes to keep our friendship
alive then I will do it. You mean a lot to me. We've been through so much
together and I can't imagine letting you go. So if that's what you want
I'll do it."

"I can't ask you to do that. I didn't know he meant so much to you."

Thank god! I was really hoping she wouldn't say yes.

"He really does. So does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?"

"No - I still am. You should have told me from the beginning. I trusted you
and you lied to me."

"But Jenn I couldn't tell you the truth either - the wound was still
fresh. It would sting even more if I threw salt on it. I thought I would
tell you in time when you had moved on. Plus that would give me time to
figure out exactly where my relationship is going with Jordan."

"And where is your relationship going?"

"I really like him - a lot. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I
just connect with him. He makes me laugh. I look forward to getting up
every day - talking to him - seeing him. But I can't imagine a world where
I would have that and not have you. How do I make this right?"

"I don't know. I honestly don't."

"I really don't want to lose you. I will do whatever it takes to gain your
trust back."

"Never lie to me again Noah. Never. I don't care what it's about."

"I promise I won't. So we okay?"

"I'm still really angry. Just give me some time."

For the first time I'm not able to talk my way out of an arguement with
Jenn. Usually even though she says she is still angry I can tell she
isn't. This time though it's different. She really is still angry. I can
feel this wall between us. It makes me feel horrible. I won't rest until I
break it down.

"So will I see you tomorrow to work on the essay then?"

"I don't know. I'll think about it and call you tomorrow."

"Okay. That sounds fair."

"Well I'm going to take off. I'll see you later Noah."

"Bye Jenn."

It's not the way I would have liked to end things but they aren't that bad
either. Jenn will come around eventually I hope. I just have to give her
time and space and remind her about why our friendship matters so much.

"So, how did it go?" Jordan asks as I walk in.

"It went okay. I wasn't able to convince her. She's still angry and I don't
blame her - I really did abuse her trust. But I think she will be okay in
due time."

"Oh that's a relief."

"Yeah. How come you told Jenn about us? I thought you said you didn't want
to."

"I didn't at first but it felt like the right thing to do. You're not just
my friend and calling you that is wrong.  It's an insult for all that I
feel for you. You're my boyfriend and I accept that. Does that mean I am
going to go shout it out to the world? No. I think we can trust Jenn and I
think she had the right to know the full truth. You're my boyfriend and I'm
proud of that. And I wanted Jenn to know how much you mean to me."

"Thanks Jordan."

I walk over and look into his eyes. I grab his hand.

"You've been very patient with me and given me my space. I know I've been
slow but it just takes me time to fully trust someone. Last night I'm glad
you stayed. I wanted to, you know, get closer to you finally, but I just
wasn't there. I'm sorry," I say.

"Noah its okay - I don't want to rush you. Whenever you're ready I'll be
there for you."

I tug on his hand and nod towards the bedroom.

"I'm ready."

"You sure?"

We walk into my bedroom, hand in hand, in silence. I look again into his
eyes and shut the door behind me.

I truly am ready.

--------

End of Chapter 13.

Thank you all for sticking with me! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. We're
getting there.

Remember if you have ANY feedback I do love hearing from you - good or bad
at mr_e08@hotmail.com or through the group page.

And another reminder:

I have finally created a Yahoo group page. The group page is called
"mrestories" though for some reason it does not show up in the search. I
will use this to send out notifications when a new chapter is up. I will
also post here first. You can join in two ways (I think).

Visit: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mrestories
Or send an email to: mrestories-subscribe@yahoogroups.ca

Till next time,

Ethan.