Date: Mon, 11 Jun 2001 21:10:23 EDT
From: BmorebsballDan@aol.com
Subject: Sean and Dan, Chapters 3 and 4, College

Hey fellas. It's the much-anticipated and much delayed Chapter three of the
Sean and Dan story. Which I think will also be the final chapter. I'm sorry
it took so long to get done.  I've been traveling a lot this summer. And
honestly, I was trying to figure out which part of this story was more
important to tell....the part where I feel like I've finally explained what
was going on in my messed up head, or the part where I describe the look on
a guys face when his legs are on your shoulders and he realizes there's no
turning back and the room is about ten thousand times hotter than you can
imagine and wham...you're in....

I guess it's a little of both.  Let's face it, when you're first starting
out having sex with guys, one half of you is scared to death and the other
half is rock hard and doesn't care about anything else but getting off. At
least, that's how it is for me. And that's all I'm saying in my story. It's
how it is for me. Your experience may be totally different.

Anyway, thanks for all the notes on the story and the questions. Sorry I
couldn't answer them all.  I'm not much of a writer, but I do believe that
you have to let the story just tell itself.  I'll try and let it do that so
that everything makes sense and you uh...get the feel of things.

As far as the legal stuff, don't read this if the law says you can't and
you choose to obey that law. There's some nut-busting hot gay sex in here,
or at least sex between guys,
 which I'm pretty sure is gay. If you don't like that, then you'd better not read on. If you do
like it...then I have a feeling you're really gonna enjoy this...almost as much as I did.

Dan

P.S. I'll answer as many e-mails as I can. So if you wanna drop me a line,
I'm at bmorebsballdan@aol.com. Now on with the show...


Chapter Two:

I had my lips on his now. And it lasted longer this time.

"Dude, I liked it. I LIKED IT. It's okay."

He smiled now.  "Yeah?"

"Yeah bro. Totally okay. In fact, I was thinking we should fuck this
studying idea and....uh..."

"Yeah?" he said.

"Yeah man. Definitely," I said.

Hard to believe that was almost 7 years ago. And hard to believe I had
fucked it up that bad after such a good start. But I guess guys like us are
up against it. No easy rows to hoe.  No free lunches. No simple cliches to
make it all easier. It had started so well with Mark.

But here I was, 7 years later, with Sean's practically worn out piece of
paper in my pocket, wondering if I'd finally get it right. Wondering if I
was bigger than this thing, or if it was bigger than me. It was only 3
o'clock. I had four hours before I had to call Sean.

I was tired by the time I dragged my ass back into my dorm room. I needed a
shower. And I needed a nap. Maybe that would clear my head before
tonight. I sure needed it.

Chapter Three:

I laid down in bed. But I couldn't stop thinking about that day with Mark,
in his bedroom, doing stuff I would barely admit to myself I wanted to
do. And it wasn't even like I wanted to do it at first. It was more like I
HAD to do it. Like if I didn't try it I would just bust into a thousand
pieces inside and lose all my energy. Like a dog who's ball has been
stolen, or who's been kicked one too many times.

And that's the worst feeling. You get your hopes all worked up and for a
second you let yourself believe that with some guy, somewhere, under the
right circumstances, something fucking amazing is going to happen.  You're
gonna be totally relaxed. You're cock is gonna be so hard you can pound
nails with it. And he's gonna be the hottie you've always wanted to mess
around with. The skateboarder with the baggy shorts and blond hair, cute
calves and pink lips. The jockstud baseball player who always has a ball
cap on and a butt that you can't stop staring at. Or just some random guy
on the street not even looking your way, but maybe thinking like you that
there's somewhere nearby the two of you can find...feeling his hands on
your body, lifting your shirt up, hot breath on your neck, wet tongue on
your ear, deep old growl and moan coming out of...wait...coming out of your
throat. Cuz that's your back that's arching into his body.  And that's your
head that's thrown back so he can get at your neck. And that's your cock
rubbing up against his.

Yup you get the whole thing going like a movie in your head that you've
seen over and over and over.

But it's always just a movie. And what about the one time where that guy is
looking back? You totally freeze.  You can't even smile. You're terrified
he thinks you're a fag. That you totally gave yourself away. So you slouch
off back to your room, and maybe you don't even jerk off anymore. You lay
back on your bed and say "Why the fuck does it have to be this hard?" And
for the millionth time you realize that your fantasies are probably always
gonna be just that, fantasies.

Well, brother, cuz now I'm preaching from my pulpit, THERE'S A BETTER
WAY. Hallelujah yes brother.  There's a MUCH better way. I can tell you cuz
I was there. Preacher asks can I get a witness. And I say "Me brothers,
I'll be your witness. I'm gonna testify. I'm gonna tell you how I saw the
light, and how one day, in the darkness of my despair, I was in a straight
boy's bedroom, naked, harder than the day is long. Yes indeed I was
there. And for one brief shining moment, I saw the Truth. It was about 7
inches long and less than a foot from my mouth and I knew right then I had
found the promised land.

(I don't mean to offend anyone by the way. I'm a god-fearing good Catholic
boy. But I do have a much more religious zeal for dick than I ever
expected.)

I know. I know what you're thinking. You think I've gone crazy. But in a
way, sucking your first dick is like finding religion for the very first
time. It's like you've been baptized. Born again. You've got a new lease on
life because finally it's your life and you're doing what you wanna do with
it. There's no hiding from that knowledge once you've done it. I mean, it's
pretty hard to argue when you've got a dick in your mouth and some guys got
his hands on the back of your head, pulling your face onto his hard shaft,
hissing and moaning and telling you to suck his cock. And it's you that's
making him feel that way. And you realize in a weird way, while his balls
are slappin' your chin, that it's not as easy to tell who's in
charge. You're making him feel good. And he's got his cock down your
throat.

Now I know it's true. Most guys just don't suck dick. And really, there's
only one other thing a guy can do to you that's more masculine...but we'll
get to that later. I guess I'm talking about it the abstract, like the
dogma of dick sucking, because...well because for one thing, I haven't done
a lot of it, even now at this point in my life. But two, I'm guessing I'm
dodging the point about what happened between me and Mark that
afternoon. Not dodging it really, but just trying to look at it in a
different way.

I guess first I should tell you what happened. And then maybe afterwards
I'll see if means anything.

After I came all over Mark's hand and he about shit his pants cuz he
thought I was mad, we walked back to his room. Holy shit was my heart
pounding like a jack hammer. My dick didn't even get soft.  There I was, my
underwear tucked under my nuts, following a guy who had just jerked me off
back to his room.  Now I know for some guys that's no big deal. I wasn't
one of them, but some guys say they've jerked off with buddies for a long
time and it's no big deal. Maybe it's true. Maybe some guys can watch a
buddy from a foot away stroke his cock and shoot out three or four ropes of
white hot cum on his belly and not get turned on, even when they hear his
little moans and sighs and sounds.


I'm not one of those guys. And I think that's what I realized when I was
headed back to Mark's room. I wasn't going there to check out his CDs or
sort through his medicine cabinet. We weren't gonna talk about pussy.  I
was going to suck his dick. He probably didn't even know that yet. But I
sure as hell did.  And I knew that it meant something had changed and
wasn't ever going to be the same. It scared the hell out of me.  But sex
has a way of taking your fear and turning it into an overwhelming urge to
let your body go wild and do what it's telling you it really really
wants. It's like when superman turns back a laser beam or something. Sex
turns your fear into strength...into this totally snowballing desire that
you can't say no to anymore. In fact, you can's say anything, cuz all you
wanna do is get naked and be with that boy and fuck like bunny rabbits

By the way, if you don't believe me, I have a test for you. From time to
time, some of you may have phone sex.  I have been known to do it every
once in a blue moon. At some point I realized that if you say exactly what
you're thinking, it makes it much more intense, for some guys anyway.  Some
guys get turned on by having to admit out loud what it is they really want,
that they really need, or what at times like that feels like what they
can't live with out.

How do I know? Well, aside from the real thing in bed, the phone is the
only place where you can get a normally straight acting guy to yell at the
top of his lungs "FUCK ME." Talk about a turn on, for both parties I think.

Every once in a while I'll run into a guy like this...and I'll say "tell me
what you want."

And he'll kind of mumble it "fuck me."

And I'll say "Say it louder." And he says it louder.

"fuck me."

"Louder"

"FUCK ME"

"Louder"

"FUUUUCK ME."

And then things just get outta control really fast. Lots of moaning and
grunting and cum flying everywhere and usually a guy somewhere thinking to
himself, "Did I just yell fuck me at the top of my lungs?" "Did my mom hear
me?"  "Why is the dog looking at me like that?"

And by the way, I'm not picking on anyone in particular here. I know this
cuz I've done it myself...I mean I've been that guy, yelling it louder each
time. And later thinking, wow, I didn't know I had that in me.

I wasn't nearly that cock with Mark the first time. I was scared. But I
knew what I was gonna do, and that made it easier. It was like a huge
weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was finally gonna do it.

I think Mark was more nervous than I was. He was still wearing his red
short-sleeve polo shirt and khaki shorts.  His shirt was unbuttoned at the
top though. And I could see his silver chain around his smooth tanned neck
disappear between his pecs, which definitely looked really well-shaped and
hot.

When I got to his room I closed the door. There was all the normal stuff on
wall, a posters of Ben Grieve and Jamey Wright on the wall, stuff like
that. In the back right corner was Mark's single bed. He was standing next
to it, back slightly turned to me, taking his shoes and socks off. I could
see his hands were shaking a little.

I walked up behind him and put my hands on his hips, scooting up to plant a
kiss on his bare neck. He kind of sighed, like he was letting go now and I
could feel his body relax and melt back into mine.

I turned him around so he was facing me, back on the wall. I ran untucked
his shirt from his shorts and lifted it up.  My hands slipped under and I
started running my finger tips slowly over his abs, tracing a slow treasure
trail there....  feeling Mark suck his breath in. I rubbed my thumbs across
both of his nipples at the same time, feeling them get hard.

"Unhhh...that feels so fucking good," he moaned.

I lifted his arms up and pulled his shirt off. And I started drooling
literally. Mark's chest was perfect.  His shoulders were round and
muscular. He had dime sized pink nipples sitting on two well-developed
pecs. They weren't huge. But they were really firm, with a little valley
running down between them where his chain hung.

I leaned in right away to suck on his left nipple. First I just covered it
with my wet mouth and lapped my tongue all over it, basically soaking it
with my spit. Then I pulled my head off of it and blew cold air on it. I
had read about doing this before and it seemed to work. Mark gasped out
loud and jerked his head back.

I took time to look at his body for a second and noticed a huge bulge in
his khaki shorts. My hand had a mind of its own and I squeezed his
bulge. His cock felt so hot in there. But it was so damn hard too. I knew
what I wanted.  Mark had his hands on my shoulders and was pushing me down.

I went down on my knees right away. I figured this is how it's supposed to
be done. My fingers unbuttoned his shorts and dropped them down to his
ankles. His boxers were tenting out majorly. His chest was blushing red by
this time and I could tell he was into it. He just kept saying "Please" in
between shallow breaths.

I pulled his boxers off, sliding my hands over his bare ass, which he
lifted off the wall. Man it felt so hot in my hands. I squeezed it for just
a second and he pushed his dick out at me saying "suck me Dan."

I took my time though. I had waited so long for this I wanted it to be
good. Mark was sort of whining now. He was really worked up. I looked up at
him and just tried to freeze the picture in my mind.

The sun was coming through his window and falling across his face. His eyes
were shut. His head was off the right side and he was moaning softly. His
skin felt warm and wet to the touch. And a little bead of sweat ran down
the side of his face on to his jaw.

I took his cock in my hand and looked up at him. Then I bent in and kissed
the head of his cock, puttin'my wet lips on the underside of it. Mark let
out a big moan.

I pulled his cock down again and stuck out my tongue. This time I just
licked all around the edge of it, like a lollipop, watching his dick get
totally wet with my spit. My other hands were holding his nuts, which were
totally hairless and hung low. They looked so full of cum my dick pulsed
and a big drop of precum spilled out.

I was getting into it now too. I didn't know how much of Mark's seven inch
dick I could suck, but I was gonna find out. Slowly I started sliding up
and down on it. I couldn't believe how hot his dick felt on my lips.  And I
wondered what I must have looked like, on my knees, Mark's hands on my
shoulder, and me eating his dick for me, sliding up and down on his fat
cock one inch at a time. Taking more each time, coating his cock with my
spit, which by now as running down his shaft and on to his balls.

I started sucking, making really wet slurping sounds. If I was gonna have a
guy's dick in my mouth. I was gonna do it right. And man, by now, I guess I
knew it's what I wanted, at least right now. I wanted to try it. So I
worked his cock harder and deeper in my throat. Believe me, gagging is
definitely a problem. So at first I just slid my tongue all up and down his
cock, sucking his nuts some even, and trying to take a little more each
time.

My other hands were running up the back of Mark's thighs. I could feel the
little hairs there. I and opened my eyes just to see the whole thing...this
stud friend of mine, legs spread, feeling up and down his hard legs, his
cock soaked with my spit, trying to suck his hot creamy load right out of
his balls.

It's exactly what I wanted now and finally I went further down on his
cock. His cock hit the back of my throat and I kept on pushing and pretty
soon my nose was buried in his soft brown trim pubes. Fuck.  There it was
man. I was eating dick big time now.

Mark had his hands on my head and started fucking my face a little. I felt
each inch of his dick as it slid past my lips, my tongue caressing his
smooth thick shaft, and my throat lodging around his teenage dick.

Mark was really whining now and fucking my face faster. He whined out that
he was gonna cum. He just kept saying it though. I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna
cum. Oh fuck, I'm gonna cum He kept saying it faster and faster.

I just locked my lips around the base of his cock and sucked as hard as I
could. And then Mark was yelling.  "AHHHH. AHHHH. Ahhhh." Each time a huge
jet of hot creamy cum blasted the back of my mouth. The head of his dick
was in my mouth and it was filling me up with cum. I swallowed it, totally
into the moment. But I could
 feel some of it running out on my chin.

I pulled his dick out of my mouth and he spurted again, hittin' my cheek. I
was definitely a cocks sucker now.  I took his dick and rubbed his load in
on my face a little, just feelin' his hard shaft on me. Mark was panting
like a dog. And he was sorta pushing me away. He was really sensitive after
he came I guess. So I stopped sucking and sat there on my knees looking up.

There wasn't much to say really. I mean, sure I felt different. I was naked
and hard and I had a guy's cum on my face. And in my mouth. And in my
stomach. I had eaten his load, which I soft of knew wasn't safe either.  I
don't know what the fuck had come over me though.

I did know that I liked it. I guess it's hard to explain unless you've done
it. But I mean, part of it was just sweaty messy sex. The physical
part. And part of it felt great, to have been with a guy and sucked his
dick
 and realized it wasn't gonna kill me. It's just life after all. Life
doesn't kill you. It may wear you out a bit. But I mean come on, is sucking
dick the worst thing in the world that can happen to you? If it is...then
you don't have things so bad.

Of course I wasn't thinking all of that at the time, at least not in those
words. I think I was relieved though.  I knew it was no big mystery. It was
sex. And it was also incredibly hot. And I wanted to try a lot more.


Chapter 4

You may be wondering by now why this story isn't called Dan and Mark
instead of Sean and Dan.  I didn't' expect to spend this much time talking
about Mark either when I started. But I guess it just dredged up a lot of
memories for me and things that are just now making sense. And I admit, I
feel guilty about how I treated Mark, which is one of the reasons I wanted
to do better with Sean.


After I had done that thing with Mark that day (for awhile, even though
deep down I knew it was what I wanted, or at least part of it, I still felt
incredibly guilty. How masculine is it to suck dick and eat another guys
cum? I was on my fucking knees for Christ sake, acting like a total bitch
slut. What the hell was wrong with me?  ), after I had done that thing I
resolved to never do it again and turn away from the dark side of the
force.

Naturally, when you're mad at yourself you take it out on other people. I
took it out on Mark. I knew what I was getting into, but I wanted to
pretend I didn't it. He was older than me. And it was easy to blame him for
taking advantage of me.

These days, I'm not as sure. Teenage guys who know they are into dick also
know they have this weird power over older guys, or at least the guys that
are into them. But they are also very innocent, or at least naïve. And I
think it's an awful thing when they get taken advantage of. But guys are
like that I think, with women for sure, and even more so with other
guys. We're sexual animals. We bust cherries and we love doing it. It's a
turn on.

And without women to keep is check and monogamous, and remind us that the
person were with isn't just a lay, a lot of us have trouble not going
around and breeding each other like a bunch of chimpanzees. Maybe being so
repressed by society when we're young and horny is a big part. We have a
lot of making up to do and when we finally realize that, we go hog wild.

Come to think of it, there is something reassuring about a woman. They
comfort you in a way that guys can't.  But then again, they aren't guys,
which means they don't have dicks. And it's much easier to be reasonable
with someone when you're not attracted to them.

 I guess my whole point was that I was really immature after I had been
with Mark, mainly because I didn't
 have the balls to admit that my decisions were my own responsibility and
that until I knew that, I'd always be blaming other people for my
unhappiness...for not calling me up, for not making the first move, for not
realizing that I was hurting inside.

Course you never would have known that from looking at me. I only talked to
Mark like twice more after that.  I know he must have been really hurt and
pissed off too. I acted like a total asshole. The worst thing you can do to
someone you've shared something cool with is forget about them and pretend
like they don't exist. And if you do do that, like I did to Mark, you
should be deeply ashamed at being a big coward like I was.

But I was on a mission to prove to myself that even though I sucked dick, I
could still throw a baseball harder than practically anyone else. I could
still cuss like a sailor. And just generally, I could be a better guy than
any other guy out there, even though I was now officially a cocksucker. I
WAS still a guy. And as far as most of the world knew, I acted like one and
looked like one. And of course, I still was one, always will be. And I like
being that way. It's who I am. Part of me.

The whole time though I was fighting a losing battle. I was still sneaking
peaks at boys on campus. Boys on sportscenter.  Boys at the beach.  At the
mall. At the stoplight on the way to Burger King.

Pretty much anywhere there was a hot guy, that's where my eyes would be. It
was like they were betraying me.  My brain was telling them to pay
attention.  And my dick was telling them to keep up the good work.

When I saw Sean though in class that one day...it was just one too many
cute boys. I knew I couldn't keep staring and looking and not finally give
in. And I knew that when I did, the world wouldn't fall apart.  It would
just mean I had wasted a lot of time and some of the best years of my life
fighting who I really was.

That gets pretty tiring after a while. I don't recommend it. Time is the
one thing you can't make up for.  You'll make mistakes and do things you
regret. And you should always look out for yourself and have good
judgement.  But most important of all, you gotta live your life.

There's plenty of people who will tell you not to. And it seems like the
much easier way, to just go about your business ignoring the part of you
that needs the most attention.

No...not your dick you horn dog. Your heart. Don't ignore that. Your heart
is a muscle just like any other. And if you don't use it enough, it'll
atrophy and get weak. If you don't give it out to the people you care for,
you'll just end up wasting everything you have to give.

Okay. I'm getting off my soap box now. And trust me bros...I don't go
around sounding like a Hallmark gift card
 all the time. But there's a time and a place for things to be said. So I
hope you don't mind me saying them like this just now, just between you and
me, mano a mano, wherever you are and whatever you're thinking.

Anyway, it was time for me to see Sean. And I was anything but
philosophical. Don't get me wrong. I know now that
 you can love a guy and be romantic. A few years ago if you'd asked me that
I'd have thought you were some drama queen fag. Unlike me who was a very
masculine fag. But I digress....with some boys, you've got that
chemistry. And that chemistry is explosive. It's not about candle light
dinners and roses and Valentines day and cute nick names.

It's about fucking.

It's about being with a guy who knows what you need. And giving him exactly
what HE needs. With no guilt.  No apologies. No second thoughts. Just hard,
wet, fast and as intense as you can be.

That's how I wanted Sean. I'm not sure if he knew that. Or if he knew it,
I'm not sure he could admit it to himself. But that's what I saw in his
eyes. And when he looked at me, he must have known that's what I wanted
from him. With him. And him looking back told me that it was mine for the
taking cuz he wanted to give it, and wanted to do it as bad as I did.

I know some of you must be thinking how can you possibly know that without
hearing it, without saying it.  And it's true. Sean and I never had that
conversation. But it was just instinct and intuition. I knew.

And my guess is that for most of us, when the attraction is that strong,
you can't help but know.  Maybe it takes some guys longer than others to
figure out how to read the signs. But once you're tuned in, the only thing
you have left to do is listen, and then follow your instincts.

That's what I was about to do...


End Chapter 4

Okay, I know I promised I'd finish this off. But I want to tell this last
part right, b/c trust me, it's the very best part. And I promise you won't
be disappointed. Scouts honor....mmmm...boy scouts.

Anyway, I noticed after this that I really am badly in need of a
proofreader and editor. If anyone is that good at that stuff, and can
suffer to bear with me, I'd appreciate it. Drop me a line if you feel like
it.  I know I editorialized about a lot of stuff...but that's my line of
work...so you'll just have to deal with it. J And one last comment, though
I realize that Jason Arnott, Petr Sykora, and Patrick Elias are easily the
hottest best looking line in the NHL. I'm glad that my Avs kicked their
sorry New Jersey Devil asses. That's the great thing about sports....good
blood thirsty competition...and really hot jocks.

Oh, and one last thing...you could say that this part of the story was more
or less about my "feminine" side.

The next part is not.