Message-ID: <234311Z02101995@anon.penet.fi>
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories
From: an87208@anon.penet.fi
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Organization: Anonymous forwarding service
Reply-To: an87208@anon.penet.fi
Date: Mon,  2 Oct 1995 23:38:17 UTC
Subject: Sean's Story (mm)
Lines: 730


Warning:  This is a story about love between two adult men.
It doesn't contain the mindless screwing of most
of the stories posted here.  If this offends anybody,
too bad. This story belongs to an87208@anon.penet.fi.
I encourage any comments to be sent to me.



Sean's Story

Sean had always loved playing baseball.  He had played the
game since he was 6 years old.  Now a junior in college,
he was the best pitcher on his college baseball team.
He was a very good looking guy by now. He stood 6 ft
3 inches tall and was about 210 pounds of solid muscle.
He had been a little stocky as a kid but he had now
bulked up in college.  He had a nice firm chest,
and washboard abs. They both had a nice covering of
dark chest hair. He had nice big arms and broad shoulders.
He had dark hair and deep brown eyes, with a very cute baby
face. That seemed to make his muscular appearance even
more attractive.  

There were two things that really mattered to Sean. Baseball
and school. He was an excellent player and dreamed of making
the pros, but he figured that was a one in a million chance.
So he knew he had better concentrate on school.  He came
from a poor, rural family. Had it not been for his baseball
scholarship, he had probably not been able to go to college.
He was not the smartest guy, but he worked awfully hard at
whatever he did.  Despite the time constraints of already
being on the baseball team, he consistently managed to get
A's and B's.  He dreamed of going to medical school and
becoming a doctor.  One of his professors assured him that
with his grades, and his determination, he was sure he would
get in.  That is about all he concentrated on.  He had not
had a girlfriend since he had been in college. All his
friends could not figure it out. Girls were trying to
go out with him all the time, but he always told them that
he was too busy. It was true, in part.  He had dated
a few girls in high school, but he never showed much interest
in them.  All his friends joked that all he cared about was baseball
and school.  It was partially true. He was a very shy, polite guy.
He didn't make friends easily, but those who did manage to
get to know him all agreed that he was a great guy.
He seemed in general to be the All-American boy type.

There was one thing that was different about him. He had known
since his early teen years that he was attracted to men.  He
had an experience with a friend when he was 13, but that was little
more than fooling around.  Still, 7 years later he could think about
it and get really turned on.  He had had several crushes on guys
in his life, but was far too shy to act upon them.  He led
a basically asexual life.  He was too shy to aproach girls. Even
when they came onto him, he never did anything with them,
although he certainly could have.  He felt that as long as he
had these feeling about guys, he could not be with a girl. 

There was one guy in particular that he really felt for. His name was
Paul.   He was a teammate on his baseball team and a really good
friend of us. Paul was two years younger than Sean, and Sean had
been a sort of mentor on the baseball team.  Paul was also a pitcher
and Sean had spent countless hours with him working on his technique.
Paul really appreciated the help too.  Sean also helped him adjust
to academic life. Paul had never been a really good student, but
Sean helped him to maintain his focus.  Paul managed to help Sean out too.
Paul was much more outgoing than Sean and he helped bring out the more fun
side of Sean.  Sean seemed to loosen up much more when Paul was around.
Sean basically thought the world of Paul.  He spent all the time he could
with him. He would spend hours with him helping him with math, or working
on his curveball. It did't matter to him, just being with Paul was enough to him.
Sean had friends other than Paul.  Most of the guys they hung
out with were on the baseball team.  Although, Sean was quiet
and didn't have a lot of friends, everybody thought he eas a great guy.
Sean and Paul would often do stuff with their other friends,
but there was something about Paul that was different. Paul was clearly
different from the rest of their friends.

After about 6 months of this, Sean realized to himself that he was in love
with Paul.  Who could blame him, as he was quite a sight himself.
He stood about 6 ft 1 and had nice blond hair.  He weighed about 175 lbs,
not as muscular as Sean, but he had a smooth toned chest and abs.
He had blond hair and blue eyes. He kind of looked like a surfer.  He
always wore his baseball cap backwards.  But what could Sean do about these
feelings.

Slowly, Sean became consumed by his feelings toward Paul.  All he could
think about was him.  He imagined what it would be like to kiss him
or to hold him next to him. He began to feel increasingly frustrated
when he was around Paul.  Finally he came to the conclusion that he needed
to tell Paul about his feelings. He knew that it wouldn't be easy and
that it may ruin his friendship with him. But he was so miserable,
and he couldn't live like this any longer.

For about a week Sean tried to work up the courage to talk to Paul.
He practiced what he would say when he told him over and over again.
Every situation imaginable was analyzed.  He kept on waiting for
that perfect moment but it never came. He finally came up with the
idea of inviting Paul over for a beer and telling him then. The
alcohol would likely loosen him up and give him the nerve to do this.

Paul came over on that Friday night. Just as planned they
popped opened a few beers and started downing them.  They
just bullshitted a while, talking about baseball and discussing
their summer plans.  Finally Sean began to turn the tone of
the conversation to a more serious topic.  He finally asked Paul
"Do you ever think there are any really unusual things about me?"

"No not really" Paul responded, "you have always seemed pretty normal to me."

"If you only knew the truth", Sean responded back, "I'm so different from
what you think I am."

"I don't see how, I just think you are a great guy" Paul said.

"Do you really mean that", Sean said, "because what I have to tell
you is really going to shock you."

"You're my best friend, and I can't imagine anything ever changing that",
Paul said trying to reassure him.

"Well I don't know how to say this, but come right out and tell you.
I think that I am gay.  I don't know for sure. But ever since
I was a teenager I have had very weird feeling about guys.
I don't know what to do. I have tried to put them aside and
I hoped that I would grow out of them, but nothing seems to
work. They always come back to me. I could go and fuck every girl
I see, and it wouldn't change the way I feel one bit."  he said
in a very upset voice.

"Sean, I am really surprised. I just don't know what to say.
I am just in kind of a state of shock right now."  Paul said.

"I know you must think I am a sicko, and that you probably are going
to hate me for the rest of my life." Sean said now on almost
the verge of tears.

Paul jumped in "No, it is not that. I still think you are are a great
guy, it is just that I had no idea.  I mean you are my best friend,
and I would have never guessed.  I am just really stunned".

"So you hate me forever now" Sean said almost crying.

"No, it's not that, you are my best friend in the world,
I owe so much to you. I never would have been able to be on
varsity my freshman year if it wasn't for you. I never would
have made it throught this first year of school either" Paul
said trying to console him.

"Well, there is more than just that.  If that didn't make
you hate me this certainly will. I have noticed the last
few months that I am really attracted to you. I think
about you all the time. I sware sometimes, i think
I am in love with you"  Sean said somewwhat desperately.

"Oh man, I wasn't really prepared for that", Paul said
in a very uncertain voice. "What would you possibly
see in me anyway."

"You are everything that I want to be. Outgoing, friendly,
funny.  I would do anything to have a personality like
yours. I find you just amazing sometimes.  It is 
unbelievable.", Sean answered him.

"You know what I don't know what to do.  I thought that
I was always attracted to women. But lately I wondered
what it would be like to be with a man.  I had a friend
of mine who sucked me off when I was in junior high
and it was the best blow of my life. I still think about it sometimes.
I have sometimes noticed that I like to look at the guys in the locker
room. At first I thought it was just because I admired them because
they were built so much better than me. Now I don't know,
I have to say I like to look at you sometimes." Paul confessed.

"I don't believe this.  You like to look at me, why would anyone want
to look at me," Sean said in a state of disbelief.

"Well lots of girls I know think you are megahot. I know a few
who would do anything to get you into bed.  I found myself
admiring you because your body is so much more developed
than mine.  You are even more hung than me. I was so envious of
that.", Paul said to him.

"Well tell me one thing, and be honest.  How do you feel about me.
Not whether or not you are attracted to me or men in general
but how do you feel about me", Sean asked.

"Well you are my best friend in the world.  I probaly care about
you more than anyone. Like I said, I don't know how i would have
made it through this year without you. I really like you
and I really care about you." Paul confessed to him.

"Well like I said, I don't think I have ever cared for anyone
as much as you. you are the most wonderful guy Ihave ever met.
I feel so happy just to be around you." Sean replied back.

"I don't believe this, no one has ever said anything like this
to me.", Paul said getting kind of emotional.

"Paul, do you know what i really want to do. I want to kiss you.
YOu don't have to kiss back and I don't want to go any further
but i want to do it." Sean said with a little more confidence.

"It is okay, I think I would like that, but i have never
kissed a guy before", Paul told him.  With that
Sean moved over on the couch next to him.  They looked at each
other for a second. They both felt somewhat awkward about all of this,
because it was completely new to them. Yet, they knew it was
what both of them wanted to do. More than anything.  Sean put his
arms around Paul.  He touched his lips for a brief second,a
nd gave him the kiss.  It lasted a few seconds. They both stopped
to gaze at each other. They looked in each others eyes, and knew
that they wanted another one.  They kissed again, this time probing
the other ones mouth feeling around and getting closer together.
They did this for a few minutes.

"Wow that was awesome", Paul remarked. "It felt kind of weird
because a girls face is not very scratchy, but that was really nice".

"You don't know how many times I have imagined doing that.", Sean
told him,"I have wanted to do that for the longest time.
 
"I have something to ask you, and don't be afraid to say no.
But can I spend the night here with you.  I am not sure
if I want to have sex with you, but I would love to just stay
close to you for a while.", Paul asked him.

Sean replied, "You have no idea how much I would love that.
I would probably wait forever for you Paul. I would just love
to be able to hold you next to me for a while.  That is
a great idea."

They both settled in the couch.  They kissed for a little while.
Paul cosied up against Seans muscular body while they watched tv.
They were both in awe of the feeling of being able to hold the
other one.  After a while of this they went to bed.  They both
stripped down to their boxers and stood there and embraced each
other for a while.  Paul got into bed, and Sean immediately
went in and got on top of him.

For the next few hours they both kind of just lied there in a half
awake and half dazed state. They were both in total awe of the other
one, and how they both felt for each other.  Periodically they would
kiss, and they would look into each others eyes for minutes on end.
Neither one could belive what was happening, nor were they
prepared for the magnitude of feelings it would erupt inside
of them.  They had never felt anything like this before.  Never
had they been able to be intimate with a man before.

Gradually they both drifted off to sleep. Meanwhile
something was happening inside of Pauls head. He began
to have some remorse for what he was doing. This isn't
right, he thought to himself.  It went against everything
he was ever taught.  How could he look his parents,
his friends, his coach in the face, knowing that he feel
s this way about another man.  In a moment of panic he
ran off and went back to his room. He left Sean no warning
or notice.

As soon as Paul went back to his room, he realized what
a mess he had made of things.  He had strong feelings for
Sean, but he felt that they were wrong and needed to
be supressed no matter how painful, and how much it would
hurt.  He decided he needed to get away.  He immediately
got a few things got into his truck and headed for his
parents home.  They were on a vacation so he would have the
house to himself except for his brother. It would give
him time to clear his head and think about things. This
had all come on so suddenly, he was in a total state
of disarray.

Paul needed to find out how he felt.  He thought he
always had been attracted to girls, but Sean had awakened
something in him.  Half of him told him he needed to kill
these feelings, but the other half wanted to submit
to his desires. 

Sean awoke from the most peaceful sleep he had ever known to
find Paul missing.  He was a bit surprised. He had no idea
where he could have gone. He thought maybe he had
gone to the library. He called over to Paul's place
and got only the answering machine. He was not that upset
at first.  He just figured there was some place he
was supposed to be.  He checked the weight room and Paul
wasn't there. He went where they usually studied at
the library only to find no sign of him.  He finally
went to Paul's room.  Paul was not there, but his roommate
was.  He told Sean that Paul left in a real hurry this morning
and said he was going home for the weekend.

This really puzzled Sean.  Why would Paul go home without telling
him.  They were close friends, and he usually mentioned to
him if he was going to be gone for a long time. Sean began
to panic. Maybe what they had done was not all right for Paul.
Sean had no doubts that it was what he wanted but maybe
he pressured Paul into doing something he didn't want to do.
Maybe Paul just did it because he felt sorry for him.  He
started to feel very upset inside. All his dreams seemed
to be crashing around him.  He didn't know what to do.
Finally he decided to call Paul at home.  Paul tried
his best at first to play off his sudden departure,
when Sean called him. He said that he needed a few things
from home, and that his brother needed some help doing his
homework. Sean could tell something was wrong he wouldn't
excpet Paul's rather flimsy excuse.

"Did what we do last night upset you?", Sean finally asked.

"No, not really, why do you ask.", Paul said in a very insecure
voice.

"Well, it is not like you to just run off like that.", Sean said.

"I told you, I had things to get, and some stuff to do.", Paul
said in a very impatient voice.

"Paul, I am not buying that one bit. I know you pretty well and
I can easily tell when you are upset. Tell me the truth.", Sean
said, sounding even more upset.

"All right. I needed some time to sort some things out. I don't
know if what we did is right. It is not you, it is me.  It
felt so right at the time, but I don't know now. It goes
against everything I was ever taught. It was such a radical
change in my life.  I never expected anything like that to
happen with anyone, least of all you. I just don't
knw what to do now.", Paul said in a desperate voice.

"Look, if you are unsure of how you feel and need some time,
that is all you have to say.  I hope I didn't hurt you or
violate you in anyway. I just want you to be happy.", Sean
told him. He tried to sound reassuring and understanding but insdie
he was hurting even more. He thought, for one brief wonderful moment
that Paul was his, and now what he had for so many months longed for,
was taken away.

Paul said he really needed to go and Sean said his goodbyes.
Sean tried to convince himself that everything would be all right,
but the propsect of losing Paul terrified him. He kept thinking
to himself "what if I had pushed things too fast".  He kept
thinking that that was going to drive Paul away from him.
As much as it would kill him to have things the way they
were before last night, the idea of having Paul completely
out of his life would be even worse.

Sean tried to keep himself busy the rest of the day. He went
to the gym to work out. He thought it would relieve stress.
It did a little bit, but when he was finished he was as sad and
lonely as before.  He had lunch outside the school lawn.  As
he was sitting there alone, he kept noticing happy couples walking
by.  This really hurt him. Everyone, it seemed to him, all his
friends and everyone else had someone special in their life.
Why couldn't he. The one thing that he wanted seemed to be so
far out of his reach. He tried to go to the library to do a little
studying, but that didn't work either. He found it impossible
to study. The only thing he could think of was Paul.


Later that evening a friend of Seans called him up and invited him
to a party.  Sean went with a few other guys on his baseball
team.  The other guys could easily notice that Sean, who is usually
unemotional, was very down.  One of the guys confronted him
about it.  He said he was all right. Still, it didn't take a genius
to notice something was wrong. They asked him again, and he said
that he was just really stressed out because he was really
behind in one of his classes. Well, they bought that, even
though it was the farthest thing from the truth.

Sean was really depressed but it at least helped to be around
his friends and not have to be alone.  It did kind of hurt
to think how bad he felt inside and still could not tell
anybody.  He figured that maybe getting a few beers into
him would do him some good. That worked for a little while.
Then he started to get even more depressed.  Two of his
friends picked up girls rather easily and stopped paying
any attention to him. Dan, the other friend that he went with
, sensing how bad he thought Sean felt, tried to get
him to hit on some girl that had been checking him out.
Sean made up some excuse about how he was too shy but his
friend persisted.  Sean started to get really annoyed.

"Why don't you just go up and talk to her?", Dan asked him.

"I just don't want too, You know how I feel uncomfortable
about being around girls", Sean said.

"That is no excuse. Come on man, show some balls", Dan countered
with.

"I don't want to go hitting on someone.  She probably wouldn't
want anything to do with me.", Sean told him.

"Are you kidding, she has been checking you out since we got here.",
Dan said to him, trying to boost his confidence.

"You're just making it up to get me to do it. Why the hell
do you care what I do, Why should anyone care?", Sean 
said sounding very dejected.

"Man, don't treat me like that. I am just trying to help",
Dan said rather defensively.

"Well, you don't know what I want. Nobody knows. Nobody understands
me. Why do I even give a fuck.  None of you really know me.
You just know me the way you want me to be.", Sean angrily
told him.

"What the hell are you talking about. All I was doing was helping
you get some girl. I thought that is what you woud want", Dan told
him.

"That's just it.  You think you know me, huh. Well you don't.
You have no idea about me.  You think I woudl want a girl.
You have known me for three years. I have I once even tried
to pick up a girl, gone out with a girl, talked about a girl.
I am so different from what you see me as, it is not even funny."
Sean said, sounding even more dramatic.

"Are you saying what I think, you are saying?", Dan asked
him in a totally stunned voice.

"What do I need to spell it out for you. I am fucking queer.
I like guys okay. I am a fucking homo. There are you happy now.",
there's the truth, I hope you can deal with it.", Sean shouted
out for everyone to hear.

"Man, I don't believe this. It can't be true.", Dan
said wearing a look of utter astonishment.  By this
time everyone else was now focusing on this.  Sean
had just come out to virtually everyone in that room.

Sean started to realize what he had done. He really
didn't care. He just wanted to be away from all these
people. None of them understood him, none of them cared.
He kept thinking that to himself.  People began to
stare at him and he started to feel humiliated. He
just left the party and started running. He didn't
know where he would go, he just wanted to get out.

He just ran and ran he had no idea where he was going.
He had never felt so alone in his life. There is no
one he could talk to, no one he could turn on.
He finally got back to his apartment.  He just
put in a CD put on the headphones and put
the volume on its highest level. He wanted to
totally escape the reality that was now confronting
him.  Whether he liked it or not, it was only a matter
of time before everyone around him knew he was gay.
So many people heard the conversation, and news
like that spreads pretty fast.  There was no way of
avoiding it. 

Meanwhile, Paul was still feeling like shit. He knew
that he had very strong feelings for Sean but he felt
so guilty about them.  Part of him wanted to go right
back to school and run right into Sean's arms. The other
half felt that he had some abnormal perversion that
needed to be supressed no matter what the cost.

Somehow Sean survived that lonely Saturday night. He had
never been so depressed in his life. He wanted to go to
the library to study but he didn't want to see anyone he knew.
He just wanted to avoid everyone in his world.  He wanted
to drift into a total state of isolation. One where he would
not have to depend on any other person. He was the only one
he could count on. He buried himself in his books that day,
trying to stay as focused as possible. It was almost impossible.
All the could think about is how for one brief moment
he had what he had wanted for so long, and it was gone.
It was getting late in the evening.  He debated to himself
whether or not to call Paul. About 8 he finally did.
The phone rang about three times. Paul answered it.
Sean could not bring himself to talk. He tried to answer
back hello,but the words would not come out.  Instead,
he hung up the phone, and for the first time in about
5 years he began to cry.  

Sean decided that he would not go to class or practice tomorrow.
He had not missed any classes in a long time. Nobody would even
notice he was gone. He could not face anyone he knew in the
state that he was in.  He seemed to just lie in his bed
the whole night. He was unable to sleep or think about anything
other than Paul, and how hadly this whole situation had played out.

Sean was finally able to fall asleep at about 3 in the morning.
He awoke again about the time the sun rose.  He debated
whether or not to go to class. He finally decided that
sooner or later he was going to have to face the world,
and today would be better than tomorrow.  He had never backed
away from a fight, and this might be the biggest fight of
his life.

The alarm clock wakened Sean at 8 in the morning.  The sun
was out and it was a beautiful warm day. Maybe all of this
had been a terrible dream he thought to himself.  Maybe
none of this stuff had ever happened.  Then he reminded
himself of what a terrible mess his life had become this past weekend.

Sean headed for the shower hoping not to see anyone he knew.
He quickly took it and went back to his room. He grabbed a bite
to eat and headed for class.  He saw a few people along the way
he knew.  They said hi to him like they normally do, and
he said hi back.  He went to his first class at 9 and had
a seat.  Nobody looked at him funny. Maybe nobody really
cared what had happened.  Maybe Sean was making a big deal
out of nothing.  Then he looked around. He saw a guy that
was at the party.  He was whispering to a girl and every now
and then they would look at him.  Oh god he thought to himself.
They had to be talking about him.  It couldn't be anything else.
 
The class seemed to drag on forever. That brief sense of relief
that Sean felt quickly vanished.  He now felt like he was in
some bizarre paranoid state. Everyone was against him,
everyone was his enemy.  

The class ended and Sean quicly hurried to his next one.
Luckily for him it was a lab and the people in that lab were
just casual acquaintances to him. He did his lab work
in a hurry and went to lunch. Again he tried to avoid
seeing anyone he remotely knew.

After lunch came what he dreaded the whole day. Baseball
practice.  He was sure that everyone there would know what
had happened.  This was sure to be the most humiliating experience
of his life.  He went to the locker room and quickly
changed. The other guys just seemed to leave him alone.
Finally almost after he was completely finished Paul came in.
He suddenly had this feeling of total uneasiness.  He didn't
want to have to deal with this.  He simply said hello
and then went into the gym and started stretching.

The anger in Sean sure seemed to make him pitch good because
the coach commented on how well he was throwing his fastball.
Sean felt completely uncomfortable the whole time during practice,
but not too bad. This was his domain after all. This is where
he was at his best.

After two and a half hours practice was over. The guys on the
team quickly headed to the locker room. Things had not gone
so bad so far. Sean hoped to quickly change and go home.
It was not going to be that easy though.

"How did you guys feel about having some faggot in here looking
at us?", said Brian one of the guys on the team. He was not a very
bright guy, the typical dumb fraternity jock. He was a major
jerk and Sean never did like him.  Sean looked at him as
being intellectually and athletically inferior to him and
he was pretty much right. "I don't think I want this homo
lookin at me without my clothes on.  He might want to do something."

"Yeah, maybe we should get a dress for him to pitch in next time",
Jack said, another guy who had shit for brains.

"What the hell are you guys talking about?", Paul asked
very confused.

"You didn't hear, your little friend here told the world
he likes other boys this weekend at a party.  Looks
like our star pitcher is also a switch hitter too", Brian
said laughing really hard now. Brian had always been jealous
of Sean.  Sean was a much better pitcher, more girls seemed
to like him (even if he didn't like him back), and he got
good grades.

Paul didn't know what to do. A million things were going through
his head.  He knew he should defend Sean. He was his best friend
and he had been there for him a million times before.
But, what is the other guys found out about him too. After all
he spend Friday night in bed with Sean, even though they had
nothing more than kiss.  Plus, they were constantly around each other.
If people knew that Sean was gay they would automatically assume
Paul was too.

Paul didn't have to do anything at first. Dan, the guy
who had made Sean come out in the first place yelled
out, "Leave him alone.  There is nothing wrong with him.
So he's a little different. Big fucking deal.  He
is still the best fucking player we have.  I don't
see why you guys are so upset unless you are a little
unsure about your own sexuality."

"Well what are you, his butt buddy?", Brian said very humorously.

"No, I am just saying what is true.  I am still proud to call him 
a friend", Dan answered back. Meanwhile Sean felt a little bit
happy that Dan was standing up for him, but a little bit
saddened that Paul was not.  He could understand in a way why
Paul chose to remain silent though.

"Well maybe we ought to leave you two girls alone then", Brian
fired back with a few guys joining in the laugter.  Sean
was getting really angry now.

"You gotta problem with me, you say it to my face.  So you
wanna piece of me, you come and get it you coward.", Sean
said very angrily.

"I don't wanna piece of you. I ain't no faggot. I bet you'd
like a piece of me though, wouldn't ya, ya little sissy.",
Brian said getting equally angered.

That pushed Sean over the edge.  He raced right over to
Brian and pushed him against his locker. Brian thought
he was really tough but he was no match for the stronger
Sean.

"What are you going to do to me, bend me over and fuck me in
the ass?", he said being as much as a smartass as ever.

Sean was about to punch him when some guys on the team pulled
him off and some other guys quickly got ahold of Brian.
Meanwhile, Paul quickly dressed and left without anyone noticing.
He felt so awkward that he just couldn't stand to see it.
The coach walked in right as this was transpiring.  

"What the hell is going on here?", he said with great authority.
"Sean, Brian, what are you guys up to. If you got a problem
you ain't gonna settle it this way. Now I want both of you 
to change and get the hell outta here. Brian what's going on?"

"Nothing, it was just a little mix up", Brian said in a voice
of intimidation.

"All right, everyone outta here. Sean, I want to see you in my office
after you get changed", he told him.

Sean quickly got dressed and headed into the coaches office. he closed
the door and the coach immediately started in on him.

"What the hell was that all about", the coach hollered. "I expect
that kind of shit out of Brian but not out of you.  I expect
more from you."

"Sorry coach", Sean said calmly.  "Things just got out of hand a little bit.
Don't worry it won't happen again."

"Well it better not, or else there will be hell to pay. In the meantime
I suggest you fix whatever got into you.", the coach replied.

Sean thought about what the coach said and knew he was right.
He was never one to back down from a fight. He had worked
hard to get whatever he had wanted and this little setback could
be overcome too.  He went straight from practice over to see Paul.
He knocked on the door and Paul immediately answered.

"Paul we need to talk", he told him.

"Yeah, I know, but my roommate is here.  Why don't we go for a drive
or something", Paul answered back.

They got into Paul's car and just sat there in the car silently
for a few minutes.

"I bet the coach really went off on you didn't he?", Paul asked.

"No, he was a little upset but he didn't say too much.  He
gave me some advice though", sean said.

"What was that?", asked Paul.

"He told me to fix whatever has gotten into me and that is what I am here to do

"Well the only thing that is wrong with you is me. If it weren't
for me your life would be just about perfect now.", Paul said.

"No that ain't true.  My life would be a lot worse off if
you were not a part of it. You are my best friend and I could
never stand to lose you.  You have done so much for me.
There is no way I could ever repay you.", Sean said very
confidently.

"What have I done for you except put you through misery.  Look
at me I am a total headcase. One night I am all over you,
and the next night I run as away from you as fast as I can.",
Paul answered, getting very emotional.

"Paul, you have done so much for me.  You can't possibly
realize that.  You taught me how to enjoy life.  Before
I met you my life was such a complete drag.  All I
ever did was work, I had no fun at all.  You have been there
for me whenever I needed you Paul.  Just thinking about you gives
me chills", Sean answered back.

"Well you have done so much for me too Sean.  I would have never
have gotten through this first year without you.  I would
have flunked all my classes but you kept me focused. I would
have been so homesick, if it wasn't for you", Paul answered.

"Paul, you know the way I feel about you. I mean you are more
than just a friend to me.  I love you, I really do. I tried
to deny it for so long, but feelings that are this strong
and have lasted this long can't be phony. I really love you
Paul", Sean said getting very emotional.

"Sean, I know I care a lot about you. It is just before I met
you  I could never think about a guy, you know,  in  that way.
It would have never have seemed right to me.  But you are
so wonderful, and it is more than just a friendship Sean.
I am attracted to you. I tried to deny it too, but I can't
anymore I don't want too", Paul said almost crying.  

"Well we both care about each other, we are both each other's
best friend.  I don't want anything to change that.
You know how I feel about you.  If you don't want to
be friends, well in that way, that is fine with me.  I just
have to be your friend no matter what."  Sean said regaining his conf-
idence.

"No, I want to be more than just your friend. I have never felt
like this about anyone. It will take me some time to face
the fact that I like a guy this much.  But I can do it.
We can do it."  Paul answered back to him.  WIth that
he moved over and gave Sean a hug and did not let go.  The two
of them just sat there and hugged each other for about a half
hour.  They were together at last and that was all that mattered to them.
Together, they could bravely face any obstacle that was to come
in their way.  Neither one of them had ever felt so fulfilled
or been so happy in their entire life.

The End




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