Date: Thu, 8 Dec 2005 10:48:01 -0500
From: Anakin7384@yahoo.com
Subject: Straight Intoxication Chapter 1
Hey everybody!!! This is my first time writing a story and most of this
story is actually true... It happened to me approx. 1 month go. Let me know
what you think Anakin7384@yahoo.com. Thanks and enjoy.
Straight Intoxication
"Hey!"
So there he is in all his glory, Andres Anthony Gomez in his little
fraternity jersey and a pair of jeans. His light brown hair and brown eyes
along with his athletic well defined body made a perfect combination.
"Hey there Alex!" he responded.
And here I am with my dark brown hair and hazel eyes in my fraternity
jersey and black dress pants. I'm 21 years old and he's also 21, him only 3
months older. I secretly loved him but yet I knew there wouldn't be
anything between us because he's straight. But gosh I couldn't get him off
my mind. Not after the night I told him I liked him. I wrote him a letter
confessing everything I have ever felt for him. From the day I met him
until now.
Andy,
Hey Mr. Cool Guy what's up? How's everything going? Hopefully
good. Well you're probably wondering why I'm writing a letter towards you.
And why I couldn't tell you this in person but you'll understand why once
you're done. Okay so here it goes.
Andy, when I first met you was the day of first degree. I never
went to any of the events to be an MC and so I never really met anyone
until then. That was three years ago. Wow long time...fuck I could've
graduated by now. Sorry back to topic. I met you along with all the other
crazy people that now I call brothers. After getting to know you and
everyone else I really felt like family. Then one day you told the chapter
how homophobic you were and how Maria and I changed all that. I saw you
change that day into not only my brother but my best friend.
Then a year went on, pass the Beta class and into the Gamma class,
and I realized something that I knew before but always turned away from it
due to fear. I was afraid that after 2 yrs of friendship you could change
and it could be over after reading this letter. And I'm really hoping it
doesn't.
Andy, every time I'm around you I feel safe. You make me feel like
nothing can harm me because you're there, because you're my shield. I feel
as if the world would crumble today you'd be there to say, "Its okay. I got
your back and we'll work this out." Gosh this is harder than I thought.
Andy, I like you and I don't know when this happened or if it's just a
phase but it happened. Not recently though, before you went to Madison. The
day I realized it I thought `forget it because it'll never happen.'
Okay, now it's out in the open. Look Andy I don't want this to
affect our friendship in any way. I know that you'll never feel the same
for me but I just think that you deserve to know what I feel. I really
couldn't hold it in any more. Each day that slipped by I thought about you
and I tired to push the feelings away but they came back. I understand if
things get weird between us but I really hope it doesn't come to that
point. All I ask is of one more favor. Don't tell a soul about this and if
you have to tell someone... talk to a mirror.
Now do you see why this had to be typed and not said? I would have
never gotten the courage to face you and tell you the truth. So there you
go. Take it or leave it. If you don't want to talk about it it's cool. Just
let me know you read this.
Alex
P.S. I tried to write this in a manly way...Grrr.
A few days passed and nothing but hellos were said. `Did he read it?' I
asked myself. I needed to find out.
One week later I decided to ask him and after practice I did.
"Hey!"
"Hey there Alex" Gosh he looked hot I thought.
"Did you ever get to read the letter?" Those lips.
"Yeah"
"Oh okay" Well that wasn't the response I hoped for yet its better then
him-
"I just didn't know how to tell you that I did though."
"Oh it's okay"
"But everything's cool between us so don't worry"
"I know"
And that was it... I asked him... Now what? Something's still missing
though. There's just something strange about the way he just said
everything. I need to know more, but not today. Enough has been said today.
The next night I decided to go online and he was on... no surprise that
video game junkie. `Now's the chance' I thought.
ALEX007: Hey jerk face I want to ask you something so when ever Mr. busy
man is available let me know
Andy7384: I'm available!
ALEX007: oh now you are?
Andy7384: does that work?
Andy7384: lol
ALEX007: what nobody over?
Andy7384: nope
Andy7384: all by myself
ALEX007: ('All by myself' by celine Dion in background)
Andy7384: always
ALEX007: oh shut up
Andy7384: lol
ALEX007: okay two things and their both different subjects...
Andy7384: alright
ALEX007: how come you were afraid to tell me you read it?
Andy7384: cuz I didn't want anything to change, and I didn't want you to
think that I was acting different because I don't think I am
ALEX007: yeah I took the risk though... things have changed though... even
if we don't notice them
Andy7384: I didn't want that to happen
Andy7384: to be totally honest I cried when I read it
ALEX007: really?
ALEX007: why?
Andy7384: I cried because that was one of the most beautiful things
anyone's ever told me, and I never thought that I had that kind of affect
on anyone
Andy7384: it was truly beautiful
Andy7384: I never thought you felt like that, but I was so happy that you
thought of me as you shield
Andy7384: and imp glad that you know that if the world ended tomorrow that
I would have your back
ALEX007: there's more to it but I didn't want to freak you out or
anything... and there's no point in telling you everything because I know
this won't go nowhere for obvious reason(ur st8, lol) but yeah you mean a
lot to me
Andy7384: if I could clone myself for you I would Alex
Andy7384: and in a way that I cant explain, I feel bad about not being able
to return the feelings you have for me
Andy7384: but I do love you, and I care about you so much
ALEX007: I mean if you ever want to turn gay you know I'll support you all
the way lol
ALEX007: j/k
Andy7384: lol
Andy7384:I'm'm sorry I didn't tell you I read it sooner, I had this whole
big speech planned too
ALEX007: what were you going to say?
Andy7384: pretty much what I told you just now, but with more tears
ALEX007: :'(
Andy7384: :'(
ALEX007: I just had to let you know Andy... and I don't know why but
everything inside of me said just do it... and so I did it
Andy7384: I'm glad you did it. it shook me up inside, but I'm glad you did
it. I know I'll never feel the same way you do, and I'm sorry for that. but
I will ALWAYS be here for you, no matter what
ALEX007: and I understand that... fuck Andy why can't there be a gay Andy
somewhere...lol
Andy7384: lol
Andy7384: you'll find someone
Andy7384: and I hope they make you happy, or else I'll have to kick some
ass
ALEX007: :)
ALEX007: I was so scared of giving it to you that night... when I handed it
to you what did you think?
Andy7384: I thought you were going to tell me off or something
Andy7384: I get those letters every now and then
Andy7384: so I was like great
Andy7384: but then I started reading it and... It was strange... it was
like my heart I don't know kind of melted...
ALEX007: :-\
Andy7384: it wasn't bad though
Andy7384: I felt really good after I read it
ALEX007: so are you crying now?
Andy7384: I was tearing a little
Andy7384: are you ok?
ALEX007: :-) Pansy... I'll live... Andy I've never spoken to anyone like
I'm speaking to you today... and yea it hurts so bad but I know that if I
don't speak about it now and just get it out of my system, It's going to
hurt more later... and yea I cried
Andy7384: I'm not a pansy lol
Andy7384: and I feel the same way
Andy7384: can I do something tomorrow
Andy7384: can I give you a hug?
ALEX007: yea... of course... you could give me a hug whenever you want...
you never have to ask me
Andy7384: good
Andy7384: cuz I was going to anyway
ALEX007: :-)
ALEX007: I sometimes regret giving you that letter... I mean... I don't
know what I mean... but... gosh... I don't regret it anymore
ALEX007: *tear
Andy7384: good
Andy7384: I don't want you to ever regret it
ALEX007: but you're going to have to hug me when nobody's around just
incase tears start to swell up...we still got to act manly...lol
Andy7384: lol fine
Andy7384: but don't be afraid ok?
ALEX007: afraid of what?
Andy7384: to hug me
ALEX007: Andy hugging you is the last thing I'm afraid of... there's other
things I'm afraid of than that
Andy7384: well I'm glad to hear hugging me is not one of them
ALEX007: Wow this is pretty hard
ALEX007: you know I never would have thought we would've talked like this
Andy7384: I know, but its good that we are
ALEX007: yeah
ALEX007: IM makes it a lot easier than in person
Andy7384: but its also not as, I don't know real?
ALEX007: yeah I know... but we're never alone anymore to talk about things
like this... and we're always in a hurry to do something for band... or I
have to go home... maybe if I was to take you home one day we could've
talked about it but now that we said most of the things we've wanted to
say... at least some of the things
Andy7384: yeah, I'm just really glad were talking about it
ALEX007: me too
ALEX007: I've been dieing to talk to you though
ALEX007: dying*
Andy7384: I miss talking to you
ALEX007: when did we get like this Andy
Andy7384: I don't know...
Andy7384: it seems like everyone has just drifted apart
ALEX007: yea and it suxs... can I tell you something and hopefully you
won't jump...
Andy7384: lol, I wont jump, tell me
ALEX007: I haven't been able to get you out of my head since the letter...
everyday you've been on my mind... not every minute... and the only thing
I've been wanting to do is kiss you but I know that it won't happen so
don't worry I'm not asking for it... but since we are letting it all out
there you go
Andy7384: I didn't jump
ALEX007: :)
ALEX007: funny
Andy7384: well its true
Andy7384: I don't scare easily
ALEX007: So anything else we need to get out?
Andy7384: I think that about covers the first subject
ALEX007: yeah and the second subject doesn't exist...it was a back up just
in case I couldn't get anything out :)
Andy7384: lol
Andy7384: well it's good that we didn't need it
ALEX007: yeah ... so you okay?
Andy7384: yes, I'm fine. Are you?
ALEX007: yea
Andy7384: good, I'm glad to hear it
ALEX007: :-)
Andy7384: :-)
ALEX007: So just let me know when you want that hug tomorrow... if
anything... if it gets late I could just take you home tomorrow after the
meeting if you'd like...we'll see
Andy7384: yeah, we'll see
ALEX007: alright then I'm off to bed... I'll see you tomorrow... Anything
else?
Andy7384: just have a great night
ALEX007: After talking to you... of course... good night
Andy7384: goodnight Alex
I had dreams that night of pure passion... stories that I know will never
happen. Yet there was this one dream that stood out. I was in a room and he
was standing in front of me staring into my eyes and behind him there was a
door.
"Alex just ask me!" he said.
He then walked out the door and I woke up.
Today's the day.