Date: Sun, 16 Jun 2002 19:19:58 +0000 From: Nelson Kok <ship1510@hotmail.com> Subject: Sunrise, Sunset chapter 4 Sunrise, Sunset, by Lost Ship Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fiction. The characters featured in this story may be based in part on actual persons, but the names have been changed. It is not the intention of the author that the characterizations are detrimental to anyone. The views and opinions mentioned in the text do not necessarily represent those of the author. Situations and their result are for entertainment purposes only and do not represent any real event. This work is copyrighted by the author and is his sole possession. Author's Note: Sorry for being silent so long. I was kinda busy for the past few months. New job, new life. Anyway, time to get on with my life again. So dear readers please write and tell me your comments. I would love to hear them. My e-mail address is "ship1510@hotmail.com." Hope you like it. A TIME FOR THOUGHTS As I look upon my life now, the thing I want most is to have someone who loves me wholeheartedly. I know not where that person is or where this person is. All I want to say, if this person exists is(this is kinda corny, part of it is from a song by my favorite group, Westlife): If falling for you in an instant is too long, then loving you for the rest of my life seems too brief a time. I want to wake up beside you and watch the sun rise on your face, See the stars in your eyes and smell the colors of the wind in your hair. I want to know that I can love you, in any given time or place, you may not be where my life began but you'll be where it ends...... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >From the last chapter: I turned around and saw him walk out of the closet. He had nothing on except a towel wrapped around his waist. "I know about everything that happened behind the bicycle shed. Jason and his friends were talking about it." I just stared at him, my face was turning red and getting hot. It was not because of the embarrassment; it was because he was so scantily clad and I was sporting an erection in my shorts. "Now, shall we get down to business?" he asked with a smile...... And the story continues... Chapter IV My goodness! What did he have in mind? To drool and fantasize about this guy is one thing but to succumb to blackmail is the last thing I'll ever do. Anyhow, I was to scared to even move or say anything at that time. Gulping hard, I looked at the floor and fidgeted nervously. "What's wrong, Keith?", Alan asked. "You're shivering." I hadn't realized that I was that afraid. "Nuthin. Just thinking about Jason and his cronies." "Keith, I have a proposition for you. I will help you with your dilemma but you have to perform a service for me. Is it a deal?" I hung my head and waited for the worse to happen, Alan springing the trap upon me. I never thought he would be so despicable. I had a very good impression of him and it seems now that he's no different from Jason and his goons. They're all after my body(not that there's much of it to desire for). I decided to play dumb and looked at Alan blankly. "Keith, is it a deal?", Alan repeated his question again. "Just what do you want me to do?", I asked him. "I'll teach you some self-defensive skills and you help me with my housework." Is that it? He needs some domestic help? And not me performing sexual favors for him. Not that I don't like him but I hate to be coerced into doing anything. "Whew! What a relief." "Huh? Why are you relieved, Keith?" "Errr...., I thought you had other things on you mind when you said you had a proposition." "What other things?". After looking at my face intently for a few moments, it finally dawned upon him what I was thinking. "Oh, that. Well, can't blame you for thinking like this after your harrowing experience with Jason and his friends." For some unknown reason, I felt relieved, comforted and yet edgy and nervous around Alan. Why is it so? Why had this person given me such a feeling? Could he be my first love? No one could tell me about the feeling and by golly I can't approach anyone to ask about it. Hello???!!!! Is there a God? Tell me what to do.... And so I started my almost daily routine of attending self-defense training sessions at Alan's place while doing some house chores for him. For the first time in my life, I felt truly happy and at ease. At that age, I was still unable to grasp what my feelings were. To this day, I am still unsure of what happened between Alan and me. Was is pure gratitude that I felt towards him? Besides a crush on him, do I feel anything else for him? I was too young to know. When I attended those training sessions, Alan was constantly in bodily contact with me. It felt so comforting. He was very gentle yet firm with my training. He would trip me, make me fall, kick, punch and shout but yet....... There is always a warm and comforting feeling when he caught me as I fell. The strong arms enveloping me. The sincerity of his wanting to teach me. Very often he would look into my eyes and I would feel myself melt in his gaze. Why did he look at me like that? I just didn't know at that time. Though I was happy briefly, it can to an abrupt end about a year later. Alan told me that I didn't need to come to his place for any more training or cleaning after our first semester school holidays. Said that I can already protect myself quite well already. I knew that far from it, I was still very weak. He told me to keep on practicing. I never guessed what happened. That very last day when I went to see him for training, he told me to sit down with him and talk. For the longest time, he just gazed at me. Finally, he told me that I'm a beautiful child and to live my life well in the future. Back then, I didn't really understand what he was saying. Hell, I'm not beautiful! I can't even pass off as average- looking. He told me that he really liked me and would be happy to see me go through life and carve something out for myself. For the first time, he reach out for my hand and pulled me into his arm. He just held me, gently patting my back and messing up my hair. God! That felt weird back then. I just stifled and froze. I didn't know how to react. Finally, he let me go and said farewell to me. I never got to see Alan after that. He left the teaching job and went abroad. Rumor has it that he had to leave because he was asked to. No one ever talked about it. Well, at least not the other teachers. But it was said that he had to leave because he was 'different' (at that time, the country where I am, it's a taboo to even mention the word 'gay'). Some years later, I heard that Alan had died abroad. He never came back. Nor did he ever contact me. All these years, I felt something for Alan. I'm not sure if he felt anything for me. But if I felt right, he does care a lot for me. I did go back to the house he stayed after finding out that he left the teaching job. I looked at the doors and saw an envelope stuck to the door. I never went near to take a look. I could vaguely see that there was no postage stamp on it. It was addressed to someone he knew, I presume but I never got the guts to take a closer look. Could the letter have been for me? Did he try to tell me something? Why did he leave without telling me? What was the real reason behind his departure? That remains a mystery to me forever. ***************** I made it through high school without ever falling for anyone ever. No crush, no lust. It was until I finished high school and went to college that I found my undying love for someone. But alas, it's an ill-fated and one-sided affair...... TBC. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, that's all for this chapter. No cliffhangers or anything. Sorry for the long silence and this chapter has not been done well. Such a short one too. As always, I appreciate your comments. Please write to me regardless. Thank you.