Date: Fri, 26 Jul 2002 10:51:47 -0400
From: W. E. <wereallmadhere@hotmail.com>
Subject: That's Life (Chapter 13) Section: college

Author's Note:

And, finally Chapter 13. Been really busy. Sorry, it came out later than
expected, but it is a long-ass chapter... so I should be forgiven!

THANK YOU AGAIN, JAY ALEXANDER! What can I say? I got lucky when I got u as
an editor! Damn lucky!!! You're pure jokes, man! Thanks for everything!

Thanks to all those who wrote in to me..and of course, the regulars.

Keep `em coming, it's all about readers' interest:
wereallmadhere@hotmail.com

If you are under age or it is illegal for you to be reading such "filth",
please leave. This material contains crude language (gosh!), and
homosexuality (oh my!), so if you are offended, then, yes....goodbye!

This story is purely fictional. So, any similarity to anyone or anything is
purely coincidental. If you want to put this story somewhere else,
distribute it, whatever, please ask me first. Thanks!

I used a song in this part, and I will in later chapters as well. Using the
song does not in any way suggest that I asked permission or that the band
may or may not support the views of my story. Since I am not getting any
financial benefit or otherwise from using the song, I hope that it is ok.

Drumroll, please...

CHAPTER 13

Ok...I'll admit to that. But, I take advantage of him too. I was
semi-popular back in High School cuz I hung out with him. Otherwise, I
would have been more of a social retard that I already was. You know the
type, the loser who spent all his lunch hours alone, in the Art room? Ya,
dat be me. Through him, I think I led a pretty interesting life. Who else
would have taught me the ways of weed, E, drinking, lust over another boy?
Kenny. Only Kenny had had those honours. Whether he knew it or not. Yup,
this was a definite symbiotic relationship. I was ok with it
though....right?

Damn! Too many fucking insecurities. Too many fucking questions. I
definitely needed to sort myself out. And fast.

                                    ***


I was on the phone with Thane. He was so lonely in his apartment. I told
him all the bullshit with my family. Hopefully, it made him feel better
about his own situation.

"Are you hard right now, Thane?" I decided to be daring. I could picture
Thane's mouth dropping at the question.

I heard a bout of laughter, "Are you serious? You want to have phone sex
with me in your parent's house? Is this Galen?"

"Shut up...so...are you?" My hand slowly made its way into my boxers,
stroking my dick.

"No. Are you?"

I pouted, "You're no fun..."

"Galen, what's gotten into you?" There was confusion and amazement in
Thane's voice.

"I can't wait to see you. Damn! I want to suck you right now!"

"GALEN!"

"Can't handle it, can you?" This was fun.

"Can't handle what?" Kenny spoke up behind me. I spun around so fast that I
actually heard my neck snap, and at the same time, the cordless fell from
my hand while the hand in my boxers sprang out with a mind of its own.

"What are you doing here?" Duh! Stupid question. I was burning. My face was
so red. I knew I was caught. But how much did he hear, did he see? I
couldn't tell from his expression.

"Galen? Galen?!" Thane was screaming on the phone.

I picked it up, "I'll call you back. Bye." I hung up and turned to Kenny.

He frowned, "Hey. That was Thane." He didn't even pose it as a question.

I sighed. There was no point letting him take control of the situation. He
couldn't have heard or seen anything. I would just have to stick to that
belief for my own peace of mind. "What's up?"

He sneered while looking down at my crotch. "Well...," then he changed his
mind, "nuthin. A couple of the guys from our ol' clique wanted to chill
with us.  Wanna come?"  He looked over at the phone, "Or are you too busy?"

I would die before I gave him that satisfaction. "Too busy."

"I see...well, see ya around." With that, he left.

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! Why can't he knock? Oh well, no big loss. I'm sure those
guys from high school invited me as a pity invite, cuz they wanted Kenny to
come.  Same ol' song. Same ol' tune.

                                     ***

`Twas the day before Christmas...and it was SNOWING! Fuck ya! It snowed so
heavily that we couldn't even do last-minute shopping. We were
snowed-in. And I'm one of those people. I am never prepared. Everything
`til the end. I know, I know, it will be the death of me. I stayed inside
talking to Thane on Messenger.  I really wanted to be with him. It was so
hard being apart from him, even for just these few days. I was scared by
the revelation. Was I in love? Shit, I can't believe I even uttered those
words. I couldn't be. That's for the frivolous. Fall in and out of love at
every whim. I wasn't like that. My fucked-up family has seen to that. I was
very cautious. Right?

Nothing was with rhyme or reason in my life when it concerned Thane. I have
never been in a relationship before, and never in one as serious as with
Thane. I was so confused. I didn't know what to feel, how to act, what to
expect, and I couldn't even talk to anyone. I didn't want to talk to Cat
too much. The walls in our house were paper-thin.  You get my drift.

Cat came into the computer room and checked what I was doing.

"How cute..he's talking to his boy....God...you talk non-stop to
him...geesh..."

"Shuddup. He's all alone for Christmas."

"I'm sure. So, what did you get him for Christmas?"

Before I could answer, the doorbell interrupted her and she went to get it.
Soon, I heard footsteps coming towards the door. I quickly closed the
Messenger. Trust me, my family is NOSY!

Kenny came into the room.

"Cat said you were on the net talking to Thane." No "hi", no greeting.
Nothing!

Damn her! I guess she thought that Kenny didn't suspect anything between me
and Thane. She was also not aware of the tension between us.

"He has major family issues. All alone for Christmas. I just wanted to talk
to him. See if he's all right. No big deal."

"I didn't say it was a big deal." Kenny sounded annoyed.

"Kenny, what is it, what do you want?"

"Fuck, what you so rude for all the time? It's like I can't just come by to
see you, there has to be a reason?"

He was right. He was making an effort to be nice ever since we came back to
our hometown.  I sighed, "Aight, sorry, whatchha wanna do?"

He smiled a genuine smile, a rarity nowadays from Kenny. "Now you're
talking. We could watch Scarface," That's our favourite movie, "And
then...can you say Can-can- can-I-bus?"

We both laughed.

Everyone was in my house though. I spoke up, "Serious? But not in my house,
yo!"

He had the perfect solution, "Parents gone last night to my
Grandma's. We'll hotbox and it'll be a roach. Got some butts left over."

"Saweett! Aight...give me 10."

"Cool."

                                    ***


We were in Kenny's room watching the movie for a while. In the meantime,
Kenny gave me the honours of rolling the shit in zig zags. That means I
pack it in.  Which means I get the first drag. Which also means I get a
supa.

We went into Kenny's washroom, put on some phat tunes, and we were rollin'.
Wu-Tang took us to a place where we could escape.

"Aw man! ...How do I say goodbye? ...It's alwayz the good ones who have to
die...  Memories in the corner of my mind ... Flashbacks, I was laughin all
the time I taught him, all about the bees and birds... But I wish I had a
chance to sing these three words..."

We locked the door making sure that the crack underneath the door was
covered with a towel. The shower was turned on hot, steam filling the
small, cramped room.  I was sitting on the sink counter, legs spread. Kenny
was standing in front of me, between my legs, yet not touching me. I only
wish.

"Toke up, man." With that, I lit it up and took a drag.

I passed it to him. "Shiiiiiiiiitttttttt...dat's some good shit right
there."

He passed it back to me.

Life was good. I was really getting into this joint. I wanted more,
"Mmmm...  Dude, shotgun...."

He put the lit end of the toke into his mouth, holding the blunt between
his lips. I looked at him for a sec. He had on a blue sweater that just
made his eyes glow. His eyelashes were halfway down. I could barely see the
bright blue of his eyes peeking through. His cheeks had the 5'o clock
shadow and fuck, those lips that held the toke were fucking swollen and red
and full.

I was like fucking Pavlov's dog around Kenny. My tongue instinctively shot
out and wet my lips. I saw Kenny's eyelashes move up in surprise as his
eyes caught my movement.  He stayed where he was, between my legs. Not
touching me, but close enough.  I could smell him, his cologne, his
smell. He smelled like peppermint. Don't laugh, I'm not kidding.

It was all in mere seconds but dang it, I played it out slow. Real slow. I
cupped the toke with my hands and I moved my puckered lips towards the
barely jutting end of the toke dangling from Kenny's oh so kissable
lips. At the same time, my hands rested on his cheeks. They were prickly
and rough and sent shivers down my body. DAMN IT, did I mention I was
already gone? I'm not supposed to touch his lips. I'm not supposed to touch
his cheeks with my hands LIKE THAT either. So many "I'm not supposed to."
Can't keep track. I'm just supposed to get close enough to inhale. But I
touched it. I touched the cheeks, but dared not caress them; that would be
going too far.

HA!

I also touched his lips with mine as I took the end of the toke into my
mouth and inhaled.  It was for less than a fragment of a second. Not enough
time, but it was worth a lifetime for me. I had waited to feel his lips
ever since I hit puberty. I've dreamt about this: wet dreams, dry dreams,
hot dreams, happy dreams, sad dreams. So many fucking dreams about
Kenny. Then, one day, I gave up. I stopped dreaming. But, suddenly,
everything rushed back to me. I could never forget the familiarity of
Kenny, the passion he ignited in me. I was home. Oh yes, I was on fire!

My dick shot out, betraying me.

I groaned as I let the air out. That was a SUPA! Dang! Was that a supa! I
know I crossed the line, but hey, he didn't move away either, right?

I didn't look up at him. He took out the toke and took a regular drag,
pretending nonchalance. We smoked the rest in silence. Kenny, 2 + 2 = 4. He
knew. He had to.

I was more confused than ever. Was there any other way for me to feel other
than confused? Ever? I didn't cheat on Thane. I firmly believed that. To
me, it was a kiss. To Kenny, it was me mistakenly touching his lips. I kiss
my Nana, he kisses his Grandma.  That's not cheating on Thane. Hell no. A
kiss is just a kiss...but... my Nana don't make my dick go hard. Aw shit!

I decided to quit thinking. I thought too much already. We lounged around
in his room for a few minutes, taking care of our mad-ass munchies, and
then he had the genius idea of a snowball fight. We were gone. I laughed
and agreed. It had been a while since we did something like this, something
so juvenile, but whenever I did it, it was with Kenny.  Always.

                                      ***

We were out in his backyard for a while. I saw Kenny bend down to pick up
some snow.  He packed a good bit of snow in real tight. If it hit me, the
mofo was going to hurt. I started to run away.

"Fuck Galen, don't run away. Take it like a man." He came charging towards
me.

"You throw like a pussy." I goaded him on and kept on running.

"I'll show you pussy." BAM! It hit me right on my ass. That sent Kenny into
a fit of laughter and me to the ground. That motherfucking bitch HURT! I
massaged my bruised ass-cheeks.

"You motherfucker! That's it!!!" I charged at him and jumped right on top
of him, dropping him to the snow-covered ground and pelting him with more
and more snow.  He started to laugh and lost all his control and that gave
me more of a leverage in the game. I got a good handful of snow and dropped
it down his sweater.

"OH!!!!!!! Fuck!" Kenny jumped like a frog. My instinct tried to keep him
in place so I clamped onto him even more and that was when I realized that
I was sitting on top of him, straddling his chest. I dropped my hands and
the soft snowflakes drizzled on to his chest. I was panting because of our
exersion and the sudden realization of the position we were in.

I put my hands on his chest to help lift myself up off of him. His hands
grabbed my wrists keeping me in place. My eyes, which had been fixed on a
constant spot on his jacket, now dared to travel up to meet those eyes,
those blue, blue eyes. Was it me or did they get more blue since the last
time?

We just stayed as we were. I didn't know what I should do. I didn't want to
move.

"Galen...please..." It was barely a whisper.

"I...I...need to go home...um..." I cleared my throat and willed myself to
not get hard.  Kenny would definitely feel it if I did, "I need to go do
something...I...I just remembered."

Fight or Flight ... but, alas, I was never a fighter. Not when it came to
Kenny. I would gladly lose for him.

I got off him and brushed the snow from my clothes, keeping myself busy so
that I didn't have to look at him. Those eyes would be the death of me one
day.

"Like talk to Thane?" His voice was strong. It echoed in my ears. It was so
loud, and it was angry.

"What the fuck does that mean?" I was sick of it. We had a moment, or so I
thought.  Every time this happens, he always fucks it up. Now, all of a
sudden, him turning into the asshole Kenny he had been for the last few
months back at Rez made me see red. The asshole Kenny was back.

DAMMIT!

All his badgering. All his innuendoes. If he had to say something, I wanted
him to say it outright. Enough was enough. I couldn't hold it in any
longer. I wanted everything with Kenny to be out in the open. I had come to
a boiling point. My emotions were out of control. I didn't know what he
thought of my drawing, why he didn't like Thane, why he was an asshole to
me for the last couple of months. I didn't know what the fuck just happened
when we were in the washroom, I didn't know what happened when we were on
the snow. I don't know what is happening now.

To make matters more confusing, first, I was sad, and then, I became angry.
I was angry.  Very angry at Kenny. Dammit. Things should be easy with your
best friend, right? All the problems, all my insecurities about being gay,
Thane, I should be able to confide that in my best friend and not have him
be A PART of the damn problem. Why can't he just accept who I am? Why can't
I just accept who I am and tell him? Why?

"That you are acting like Thane's personal bitch."

"Fuck you. Seriously, Kenny. Don't. Just don't." I warned him. If he pushed
me, I didn't know if I could hold back. Diss me, but not Thane. Not after
what he has done for me.  Not after what he means to me.

"It's the fucking truth, you are his whore, aren't you?"

"I swear, if you keep going, I'm leaving."

"Do you promise? Do you really, really promise?" He fake pleaded.

"Fine, I'm gone." I turned and started to walk away. Calm....Galen....stay
caaaalllmm.

"Does Thane give you a good fuck? Do you scream his name?" He called after
my retreating figure.

That stopped me in my tracks. FUCK HIM! I turned around and shot daggers at
him.  Finally, when I calmed down a bit, I walked up to him and spoke. "I
don't know what the hell you are talking about. Fucking stop. He's a
friend." I tried with desperation to keep my voice and anger on level, but
I was losing the battle fast.

I was a bomb ticking: tick tock, tick tock...

I had to get away from Kenny before we both regretted today.

Kenny kept on going, "Go ahead, but that won't change anything. I know what
you both do. Don't play stupid with me. I know! Don't try to twist shit
now!"

Everything Catrina and Fiona said about Kenny flooded my brain. I was
outraged. "Oh, sorry Kenny, far be it for me to actually have an opinion of
my own that doesn't match with yours!!! I am not your fucking puppet. Fuck
you! You used me...you've always used me and now that you can't, now that
you can't control me, it's pissing the fuck out of you! That's it, isn't
it?"

"You think I used you? Oh, this is just great. Now, everything comes out. I
can't believe what that bastard did to you...he's got you
thinking...that..."

"Don't bring Thane into this, Kenny. I'm warning you."

Tick, tock.tick...tock...

"Did you think you could fool me with the "I'm dating Hannah" bullshit?
Fuck Galen, I'm not in Engineering for nothing. Give me SOME credit. You
supposedly are dealing with Hannah but I have seen you with Hannah how many
times after that day?  Two? And how many times with Thane?"

"Think what you want. I'm leaving." I spun around on my heel and started
walking away.

Kenny's arm roughly turned me by my shoulder and pulled me back to him. "Oh
no you fucking don't. Not until you admit that you and Thane are a couple
of faggots." I saw pure disgust in his eyes, disgust and hatred.

FUCK HIM!!!!!!!!!

I thought that when the time came, Kenny would understand. I was wrong. I
had been wrong for fourteen years. My eyes reflected his disgust and hatred
as well, but for different reasons.

Tick, tock...tick...tock....

Kenny kept looking at me, trying to figure me out, and then with a final
shake of his head, "I knew Thane was a fag, now he's turned you into one
too." He spit on the ground in front of me.

THAT DID IT!!!!

BOOM!!!!!!

I exploded with a vengeance.

We were in his backyard, right under our sacred tree-house. Our haven. Our
escape. I felt sick. Sick that I actually had memories with a bastard like
this. He was worse than my brother; even more than my father was. Kenny's
anger and hatred hurt me so much more than that of my father's and my
brother's. I couldn't figure out why: probably because I trusted him so
much.

Cat and Fiona were right. I do set myself up to get hurt. No more!

I shoved him, hard, "Ya, that's right. Thane and I are a couple of faggots.
He is my faggot boyfriend. And I love him and he loves me. And he sucks my
cock and I suck his.  And I love it. I love his fucking fat rod ramming
down my fucking throat while I'm on my fucking knees. I drink his fucking
cum and savour his fucking taste. I love it. I love sucking on his cock. As
a matter of fact, I can't think of anything better.  I want him to FUCK me
right now. Fuck my ass so bad that I come and come like never before. I
want you to watch, Kenny. You want to watch your best friend get fucked up
the ass by a guy?  Cuz he's a poofta! He's a fucking fag! I AM A FUCKING
FAG!!! A FAGGOT!!! Do you hear me, Kenny?!! Your best friend is a FUCKING
QUEER!!! AND THE BEST PART? I LOVE IT!!! LOVE IT!!!!"

"Stop...stop...shut the fuck up!!! SHUT UP!!!! FUCKING SHUT UP!!!!!" Kenny
was panting and his breath came out haggard, creating a film of smoke in
front of his face. It was so cold, but I was sweating and so was he. His
whole body shook. Hey, if ya can't handle the heat, get out of the fucking
kitchen. His eyes were ablaze and wild. Tears were streaming down his
face. I can't remember the last time he cried. He had a horror- stricken
expression on his face, like he wanted this nightmare to end, as he shook
his head from side to side. That won't make the nightmare end, buddy. You
started this.

Too late. I was on a roll. I was sadistic. Something possessed me, took
over my senses.  There was a part of me, my subconscious, that was watching
this new "me" and pleading with me to stop, that this was not the way to
deal with it. But, I had had enough. I didn't care about repercussions. I
didn't care anymore if my parents could hear next door.  Logically, they
couldn't. Kenny lived at the end of the block and his backyard was damn
big. But still...

I didn't even care if Kenny went and told my parents. I just wanted it out,
all out.

I was smiling and laughing every so often. The things that Cat and Fiona
said about Kenny and I rushed through my brain, fueling my already
uncontrolled fire, "I'm tired of being your scapegoat. You use me
Kenny. You fucking use me. I won't play your puppet on a string. For once,
things are not going your way and you can't handle it. Too motherfucking
bad! And you know what? The day you were fucking waiting for me?  Accusing
me of fucking drinking? I had been at a FUCKING bar with Thane. We drank.
He took me back to his apartment and he..."

I couldn't finish what I had to say. He lunged towards me. I didn't notice
his fist until it connected with a sickening snap, crackle, and pop with my
jaw. The force of the punch knocked me down to the ground, to the soft,
white snow that broke my fall.  Soon the snow in front of me started
turning red. Oh no, I had ruined the nice white snow.

I lifted my hand to my face. My nose was bleeding and so was my lip. My
teeth had cut through my lip, busting it open. Then I felt the pain. It was
searing. Went right through my body. I screamed, not as much because of the
physical pain, but because of the emotional one. I had no more tears left
in me to cry. It was over. Kenny and I were over.

                                 ***