Date: Thu, 4 Nov 1999 06:58:02 -0800 (PST)
From: Willie Hewes <williehewes@yahoo.com>
Subject: part 3 of The Learning years
- short summary -
Eddy has agreed to meet Charlie in the COC, a gay bar
in Leiden. He feels lost in the crowd, and runs when
he can't find Charlie anymore. I left him standing
outside on his own, trying to decide if he'd go back
in or not.
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Part 3
My dilemma was resolved when the door opened again and Charlie came
out. I felt at once ashamed and relieved.
"Hey, Ed?" he asked hesitantly, "what's wrong?"
I tried to tell him too many things at once, and it came out all
garbled. He smiled to put me at ease, only succeeding in making me more
nervous. "I've got asthma," I said finally, although that wasn't
exactly true.
"Oh, you... You couldn't breathe?"
"Yeah, the people, smoke..." By now, I was really a bit out of
breath, although it had little to do with asthma.
"Well, it's really crowded tonight, I don't know why. Maybe it's
the ELCID thing, everybody cruising college boys or something." He
chatted on, but I barely listened. I fixed my eyes on the factory
chimney.
"... you wanna go someplace else?" he asked. I shook my head. "No?
Hey, you wanna go to my place? We could just, you know... My roommates
are probably still in, we could, you know, talk and... watch a video or
something." That actually sounded like a lot more fun than hanging in a
crowded bar filled with smoke. But wasn't he supposed to go out on
Friday-night?
"You don't mind?" I asked. He didn't.
***
Charlie lived with three others in an old terraced house not far from
the Langegracht. His friends were still at home; they were spread out
on two sofas in front of the TV, smoking a little pot before going out.
It smelled a lot better than cigarette smoke. I was introduced to the
long-legged company, and half of the couch was offered up to Charlie
and me. They were Bart, Bart and Menno. Bart and Bart were very
different in spite of the names (van Noord: tall and bulky, Sanders:
tall and thin). Menno was in some ways lord of the mansion: his parents
used to rent this house, and still paid a share of the rent. Charlie
explained they lived here relatively cheaply, considering they all the
space they had, and the little garden (filled with empty bottles).
The fabric of conversation closed around us, and for a while I
felt quite happy. Charlie sat next to me, our thighs touching. On my
other side were Bulky Bart's legs. The smoke pricked my nose, but not
unpleasantly. Menno asked my if I was looking for a room yet. "You see,
instead of moving out, it's better to move your parents out when you go
to college. That gets you a bigger place." His parents moved to
Oegstgeest, and he got the house to live in with his friends. "Yeah,"
Bart added, "but when one of us left college, we got stuck with Charles
here." They laughed. Charlie smiled at me. "That's not true."
He was sitting very close to me, and seemed perfectly at ease. He
joined in with the conversation about people I didn't know. His legs
were stretched out under the low coffee table; his hand lay in his lap
(not on my knee). The more relaxed he seemed, the more nervous I felt.
No, not nervous, *exhilarated*. Exited. What if I put my hand on his
knee? Could I do that here? Would I dare? Don't hesitate, schoolboy! I
tried to be nonchalant, but of course everyone noticed. Menno said
musing, "You know what the good thing is, about having a homo in the
house? Chicks *dig* that. Chicks dig fags. I don't know why, but it's a
fact."
"It's a fact," Bart agreed. "Chicks love homos. They all come here
for Charlie, and by the time they find out that he really doesn't want
them, they are so drunk they think: 'Oh well, why not have a go with
Bart. Or Bart, or Menno.'" The threesome laughed. I wondered if I might
be getting stoned passively. Charlie took my hand from his lap, and
told me how pretty it was, so small and so slim. He held it against his
own hand to measure how small it was. Bart mumbled something. The long-
limbed threesome burst out in laughter. Charlie smirked. "I thought you
guys were going to LVC tonight?"
"Oh! Charlie wants us to leave!"
"Yes I do actually."
"Charlie wants to have a taste of small-hands boy." They pulled
themselves up in spite of the smart comments. They were leaving.
"Charlie, you know the rules," Menno warned, "I don't want to find
your spunk on my couch, ok?"
"Yes darling, of course. We'll aim for the carpet."
"You know what I mean!" Menno thundered from the narrow hall.
Stumbling, the door. Then silence. Solid, anticipatory silence. My
stomach turned. Charlie put his arm around my shoulder. He kissed my
cheek, quickly.
***
Then he suddenly stood up. "Pay no attention to them. Rude bastards.
They feel threatened bye the homosexual stranger, and they feel they
have to assert their own sexuality. Their masculinity." He was pouring
another drink. Juice. "Plus they were stoned." H flashed a smile at me.
I tried to catch my breath while he went back into the kitchen behind
me. Slowly I began to realise I was completely unprepared for this.
Him. Me. Now. "Sex," I heard myself whisper. Real Sex. And no secret
jerk-off session behind the bicycle shed either; we had a whole house
to ourselves. I jumped up. I panicked. Charlie was opening a bag of
potato crisps. Perhaps this is why all the "don't-kiss-on-the-first-
date"-stuff was first invented; take it easy, schoolboys; your hormones
need time to adapt!
"They're not bad, once you get to know them," Charlie continued.
"A bit simple. You and I are of a more refined stock." He winked at me.
"I can tell by your hands." I was speechless. I think my mouth was
open, because he put a crisp into it.
"You're nervous." It was not a question, but a statement. I
nodded. He shook his head. "Don't be. Don't be afraid." He lowered his
voice. "I'm going to give you the choice I never had." It sounded so
sexy I thought I would die, even if I didn't understand what he meant.
I only knew it was a line from "Interview with the Vampire", the first
film we'd seen together, before we had even met.
"Why don't we take this slowly, Ed?" he asked in that same, sexy
voice. "Why don't we just chill tonight, just sit, and talk, and watch
a film... hm?" I opened my mouth to answer and he quickly fed me
another crisp. Maybe he was nervous too. I nodded. Yes, splendid idea.
Watch a film. And please don't notice the bump in my trousers, cause
it's downright obscene.
***
And so it was decided, we sat, we talked, we watched Terminator 2.
This, for the moment, was all the intimacy I needed. All I could
handle. When it was time to go, we said goodbye somewhat reluctantly,
but we agreed we had had a good time.
"Do you have to walk far?" he asked. "You can borrow a bicycle."
Bicycles are a form of public transport in Leiden. They are
everywhere, in front of the train station, bars, shops. Anyone who
needs one can take it, and use it to get from A to B. Then they are to
be parked where someone else can find it, so he or she can go from B to
C. Some say this system works very well, others complain they don't
have a bike because it always gets stolen. I guess some people are
never pleased. Anyway, one of these bikes was parked outside Charlie's,
and I could use it.
"Bart Sanders stole it about a week ago. But he doesn't need it,
because he got his own bike back." I thanked him. Just as I was about
to leave, he asked me to wait. I stopped, my hand on the bike's saddle.
"Can I kiss you?" he asked timidly. I stared at him, amazed. What
could I say? "Yes..." Carefully, he came closer, and then leaned
towards me, his hands on my shoulders. His lips were soft, wet. His
mouth opened slowly. He kept his eyes closed, and I looked at his
eyelashes while lips, tongue, mouth all melted into one delicious...
The bike crashed onto the pavement. Charlie backed away. He
smiled. "Good?"
"Tastes like more," I answered. He shook his head. No, not yet.
Later. So that was it, I rode off, he went back in. That was al that
happened. It was enough to keep me awake for hours.