Date: Wed, 29 Sep 1999 13:20:10 -0700 (PDT)
From: Orrin Rush <orrinrush@yahoo.com>
Subject: Lifeguard, Part 5

Disclaimer:  The folling story is a work of fiction.  If you are
offended by descriptions of homosexual acts or man/man
relations, please exit this page.

                            THE LIFEGUARD

Copyright c 1999 by Orrin C. Rush.  All rights reserved.

Neither this story nor any parts of it may be distributed
electronically or in any other  manner without the express, written
consent of the author.  All rights are retained.

                               Part 5

                               TRAUMA

"Is he OK?" I asked.

"I don't know, they're taking him to Cedars Hospital."

I'm on my way," I told him.

"I'll meet you there."

Surprise, fear, dread, and panic overtook me as I ran out of my
office.   I didn't stop to say anything to anybody, just ran
headlong for the elevator.

The hospital was only about two miles away, but I think I hit
every red light that there was.  It seemed to take forever.

>From the information desk, I learned that he was already in
Intensive Care.   That's when I got another taste of the archaic
laws that are so strictly enforced by small people in positions of
power.

"Are you next of kin?" the guardian to the ICU asked.

"No," I answered, truthfully, in the legal sense.

"Are you related?" she continued, acting like she really didn't
care one way or the other, I just wasn't going to get past her.

Realizing this, I turned to leave and find a higher authority.  I ran
right into Eric's dad.

"They won't let me in," I told him.

"Hold on, I'll take care of it," he said.

He turned to the grinning bitch who had her meaty arms
crossed, and looked like she could stop a truck if it tried to get
through her.

"I'm Eric Lundborg's father, and this gentleman and I are going
in to see him."  He held up his hand as she started to bluster.
"I'm also an attorney, and you had better be aware that to keep
us out could put you in a lot of hot water.  Here's my ID, now let
us in."

She glanced at his driver's license, then, moaning that she was
breaking rules, opened the door.  She called a nurse who led
us around the darkened room to a cubicle.

The bed was surrounded by people when we got there.  We
pushed through them to get to the edge of the bed and Eric.

It's hard to describe his face.  He didn't show pain, he didn't
show anger, or look peaceful.  He just looked blah, no
expression at all.  I didn't know what to think.  His eyes were
closed, and the rest of his face was totally expressionless.

His left shoulder looked like hamburger.  I cringed, feeling his
pain.

"I'm Dr. Peterson," an older, intelligent looking man said.  "He
just got in, and we're checking him out a little before sending him
over for tests.   In fact, we're ready to move him now."

The crew gently moved us out of the way as they moved the
bed out of the cubicle.  A couple followed, guiding the rolling
equipment that was already attached to Eric.

"I'm Eric's father, Karl Lundborg,  and this is Dave Rush, his
partner, Dr. Peterson."

He shook hands with us, then said, "I can't tell you much at this
point.  We'll know a lot more after he has a catscan, MRI and a
lot of other tests that I've ordered.  It'll be a couple of hours
before we know much.  But, I can tell you, his shoulder wound is
superficial, and there isn't any evidence of any other injuries."

"I know how difficult waiting is," he continued, "but I promise I'll
you know anything as soon as I do."

"Is Dr. Lee in?" I asked.

"I saw him a while ago, I think so.  Would you like to use this
phone, Mr. Rush, the operator can locate him for you," Dr.
Peterson said.

I was trying to be calm, but I wanted to scream at the operator.  It
took her an eternity to find him.  When I finally got to talk to him,
he agreed to see us immediately in his office.

"Who's Dr. Lee?" Karl asked as he followed me out.

"He's the chief administrator of the hospital," I told him.

Dr. Lee greeted us warmly.  "What can I do for you Dave?"

"A little while ago, Eric Lundborg was brought in.  This is his
father Karl," I said, and they shook  hands.

"Eric is my lover, and we want you to see that he has the very
best care that's available.  There are to be absolutely no
limitations."  I continued.  "Only the best, don't spare anything!"

"Give me a minute," he said, reaching for the phone and
gesturing us to chairs.

He made several calls, asking a few blunt questions, but mostly
listening.  Putting down the phone, he turned to us and said
"Luckily, Dr. Peterson was there for the initial examination.  He's
probably the most highly respected Neurologist on the West
Coast."

"He's ordered a lot of tests, mostly to find out why Eric is
unconscious but doesn't have any obvious trauma.  That's our
first concern, and as soon as the tests have been read, they will
call us here with the results."

"Now, if you'll excuse me for a few minutes, I want to check on a
few things.  Make yourselves at home, and help yourselves to
the phone." he said.

"I've gotta call Momma," Karl said.

While he called, I tried to think.  It was all like a dream. A bad
dream that I didn't seem to be waking up from.  I was scared.
Scared shitless.  The focus of my life was hurt and I was
helpless to do anything to help him.

I forced myself not to project beyond the Doctor's prognosis,
which I knew would be positive.  Eric would be ok.  I had to
believe that.

It may have looked like I was under control, but, inside, my
stomach was churning so wildly that I almost felt like heaving.
Tears were trying to form but I fought them back.

It was my turn to use the phone.  Eric's mother was on her way.

I called the office, home, and got Annie on her cell phone.  As I
put down the phone, I realized how few mutual friends or
acquaintences that Eric and I had.  We had been almost
reclusive since we'd met.  Ron and Jason were the only people
we'd spent any time with.  We'd have to change that.

"You really get results," Karl said, "I'm impressed."

"I'm a soft touch when their fund raisers come around," I told him.
"This is a helluva way to call in markers, though."

Dr Lee returned.  "Wanted to give you a progress report," he
said.  "Eric is still undergoing tests, and Dr.  Peterson is
interviewing the Officer who was at the scene and the
ambulance attendants to get any information he can.  I want you
to know that we're doing everything that we can."

Both Karl and I gave him our thanks.

"It shouldn't be more than another half hour before we know a lot
more," Dr. Lee told us.

We waited, not very patiently.  Karl was pacing and I made small
talk with Dr. Lee.

Eric's mother arrived and was briefed on what little we knew.  She
seemed to be the strong one in the family, but wasn't pushy.   Her
hugs and reassurance did wonders for me.

Finally, Dr. Peterson came in.  He perched on the corner of Dr.
Lee's desk.

"First, I'm going to tell you what we DO know," he started.  "I'll tr
to put this all in layman terms.  From what we can learn, Eric's
Jeep was hit a glancing blow on the  passenger side that
caused the Jeep to roll one full turn, ending up upright.  Along
the way, Eric's shoulder must have hit the pavement.
Somewhere along the line, his head struck something, we're not
sure what, yet, but that's what has caused his unconsciousness."

"The cat scans and other tests haven't shown any brain injury,
but we can't see bruises.  These could exist, and his brain may
have shut down to a degree, trying to heal itself.   None of us
fully understand how the brain functions under these
circumstances, but I can say that it has an amazing capacity to
heal itself."

"To be absolutely sure that none of us here missed anything, the
test data is right now being transmitted to my colleagues at
Stanford and Johns Hopkins."

"We didn't find any internal injuries, and his shoulder looks a lot
worse than it actually is, and is being taken care of right now."

Eric's mother, being a doctor herself, had a few questions, most
of which were too technical for me to understand.

After Dr. Peterson left, she turned to me and said, "All we can do
is wait and hope.  I want to see him."

Eric looked the same as when we had seen him earlier.  His
mother looked him over with a professional eye and commented
"I just can't figure out why he's still unconscious.  There has to be
something they haven't found yet.  I've heard about Dr. Peterson,
and he's good, very good.  Whatever it is, he'll find it."

While we were talking, a nurse came in every few minutes to
check all of the monitors that Eric was hooked up to.

"I need a cigarette real bad," Karl said.  "Would you like to join
me, Dave?"

"Sure," I said, realizing that he wanted some company.

When we were out of Eric's cubicle, Karl turned to me and said
"Just leave Momma alone for a few minutes, and she'll know
more about what's going on than the doctors."

Outside where Karl could smoke, we talked about Eric, and how
our feelings of helplessness were so frustrating.

"I feel certain he'll pull through this OK," Karl said.  "He has a lo
going for him, young, strong, and a lot to live for."

"Noone is hoping for that more than I am," I told him.

After giving "momma" ample opportunity to learn what she could,
we returned to the ICU.

Her eyes were twinkling a little, which was very encouraging to
me, at least.  "Well, here's what's going on," she said.  "Thanks
to Dave's influence, word has come down from 'on high' that
everyone around here is to be more than 'on their toes'.
Dr. Peterson isn't just on call, but will be staying here at the
hospital for the next 24 hours at least.  That's the critical period.
They're monitoring everything that they can.  My God, it looks
like Mission Control in here."

We all chuckled a little, then she continued "By watching him
closely, they can see any changes that might give a clue to why
he's still unconscious.  I'm confident they'll find the problem and
take care of it when they do."

"In the meantime, there isn't anything we can do, and I've given
all the nurses my cell phone number, and they WILL call me if
there is any change."

We talked for a while longer, then they left.  I had no intention of
going anywhere.  They would have to throw me out bodily.

A nurse brought me a chair, and I sat by his bedside, holding his
hand.  By now, another male nurse had brought in an easel and
stool so that he could watch all the monitors.   He was friendly,
and we chatted idly.  "How long have you guys  been together?"
he asked.

I was kind of surprised at his question, but I guess that word got
around fast.  No matter, I didn't care who knew about our
relationship.

"Not long enough," I said, "only a few months.  A hundred years
wouldn't be long enough."

"He'll make it," he said.  "I'm gay too, so he'll get my special
attention.  He's lucky to have you and all you're doing."

"I just wish that there was more that I could do," I said.

Every hour or so, another nurse relieved him for 15 minutes or so.
After returning from his break, he told me "Since they only let
immediate family in here, there are some people out in the
waiting room to see you.  Why don't you take a break.  I'll watch
over him while you're gone."

"Thanks," I said, "I'll do that."

When I opened the door, Annie had me in a bearhug.  "Is he OK?"
she asked, "I'm so sorry."

Ron and Jason were there, and came over to give me hugs as
soon as Annie released me.

"He's going to be OK," I told them, thoroughly convinced that I
was telling the truth.  "They haven't found the cause of Eric's
unconsciousness, yet, but they will."

They gave me their assurances that I would be proven right,
and told me they were available to do anything they could for
Eric, or for me.

As they were leaving, a tall, tanned guy walked up to me.

"I couldn't help overhear Eric's name," he said.  "I'm Jim Wilson,
Chief of Lifeguards.  How's he doing?"

"As well as can be expected, I guess," I said.  "He's still
unconscious, and they don't know why.  I'm Dave Rush, by the
way."

"Then you must be..." he didn't finish.

I just nodded.

"Can we go someplace and talk?" he asked.  "I need to talk to
you."

He seemed very sincere, not the least bit hostile, and Jason and
Ron were hovering, so I felt safe.   I suggested that we go to the
cafeteria.  I was also hungry.   Ron and Jason followed.

After picking up trays of nondescript food, we sat across from
each other.  Ron and Jason followed, sitting across the room.

"Are you Eric's lover?" he asked.  I nodded.

"Eric's one of my pets," he began.  "I've watched him develop
over the years, and he's one of the best men I've got.  He's a
hard  worker and dedicated to his work.  Always has a cheerful
smile and a smartass remark for me.  I've grown to love that
boy."

"Over the past couple of months, I've noticed a big change," he
continued.  "He seemed more confident, happier, like he'd
found whatever it was that he was looking for.  Eric's a very
private person, and I didn't want to be nosy, but I couldn't help
but ask him if he had a girlfriend.  His 'no way' answer told me
a lot.  I'd always wondered if he might be gay, but the way he
handled both the guys and gals that came on to him didn't
say much."

"I've also noticed that he doesn't stick around after work like he
used to.  He couldn't wait to get wherever he was going.  I know
he goes to school, but this was different.  I don't know why, but I
just sensed that Eric had a boyfriend, and when you mentioned
Eric's name in the waiting room, I knew it had to be you."

"I don't know what to say..." I stammered.

He didn't stop.  "If you're the reason why Eric's happy, then I'm
behind you both.  I'm not gay, and I don't care if you guys are,
whatever makes Eric so happy, makes me happy too, and I
still love him like a little brother."

"While I was talking," he continued, "I realized 'who' you are, and
I know that everything that can be done is being done.  He's in
your care, and I trust you even though I don't know you, but
please  keep me informed on how he's doing."

He gave me his card and we went out.  In the hallway, he gave
me a self-conscious hug and said "give that to Eric when he
wakes up, from me."

"I will," I promised.

Jason and Ron joined me down the hallway.  "What was that
all about?  You seemed kinda nervous, so we stuck around,"
Ron said.

"That was Eric's boss.  He wanted to tell me that  he approves
of 'us' and that he loves Eric as much as I do, but  in a different
way,"  I explained.  "He's really a nice guy, but thanks anyway,
guys."

There was no change.  I resumed my position by the bed and
took Eric's hand in mine.

"You know you're not supposed to be here," the nurse said.

"I kind of assumed that," I said.

"Nobody around here has the balls to tell you, though," he said,
laughing.

"Am I doing anything that could hurt Eric, or am I in the way?" I
asked.

"No."

"Then, what's the big deal?" I asked.

"Just thought I'd mention it.  Personally, I think it's neat that the
first 'civilian' to ever spend the whole night in ICU is gay and with
his lover."

We talked in spurts, with long pauses in between.  After several
hours, I must have dozed off.  A hand on my shoulder attached to
Dr. Peterson was gently shaking me.

"We're noticing some changes that may be trying to tell us
something," he said.

I woke up fast, and noticed that Eric's hand was still in mine.

"I'm having him taken over for some more testing. " he said.

"Any indication of what it may mean?" I asked.

"Can't tell yet, but we'll know soon," he said, disengaging my
hand from Eric's, and followed the crew who was moving the
bed out of the cubicle.

A nurse who I hadn't seen before came over.  "I'm David's
replacement," she said.  "I've already called Eric's mom, and
they're on their way here.  You can stay here, or we have a small
private lounge that you're welcome to use."

"Think I'll try the lounge," I said. "Thanks for the offer.  But,
promise that you'll come get me the minute that Eric gets back."

"You have my promise," she said.  "When Eric's parents get
here, I'll have them brought to the lounge too."

I looked at my watch.  It was ten minutes after midnight.

Waiting has never been one of my strong points.  Uncertainty
was not a favorite either.  For the last 14 hours I had been
doing nothing but waiting and wondering, and hoping.  My whole
life was rolling around someplace on a portable bed, being
subjected to God only knows what, and I was powerless to do
anything.  I'm not a control freak, but the feeling of total
helplessness that had suddenly overcome me was too much.  I
couldn't help it, the tears welled up and I didn't fight them.  It ha
suddenly become more than I could handle.

The Lundborgs found me that way.  Sobbing unashamedly.

"Any news?" Karl asked.

"None yet," I sobbed.  "That's what finally got to me."

Eric's mother sat next to me, not trying to comfort me, but giving
her tacit approval of my expressing the fears, anger and
frustrations that had built up over the long day.

I was pulling myself together a little when Dr. Peterson came in.
He looked serious, but I could detect a little relief on his face.

"I think we've found the problem," he said.  "It's a subdural
hematoma that didn't show up on the first tests.  When his
temperature started rising and his blood pressure dropped, we
knew that something was happening."  Looking at me and
switching to layman terms for my benefit, he continued.  "It's a
buildup of fluid inside the skull lining that's putting pressure on
Eric's brain, probably causing his unconsciousness.  We need
to relieve that pressure as soon as we can, and will do that by
drilling a hole about the size of a large syrringe through his skull
to drain it.  We're prepping him for surgery right now, and as
soon as I receive confirmation and concurrence from my
colleagues,  I'd like to operate."

He looked at each of us in turn.  Eric's mother was nodding and
Karl looked confused.

"What are the risks?" I asked.

"The biggest risk, right now, is doing nothing.  I strongly
recommend that we go ahead." Dr. Peterson said.

We each nodded our approval.  "He should be back in ICU in
about 3 hours," he said as he was leaving.

More waiting.  A dismal prospect.

"At least we know something, now," Eric's mother said.  "It makes
sense to me.  It's a logical explanation for everything."

Fearfully, I asked her "What's the prognosis?"

"After the operation, they'll monitor him very closely for a while.
When they're sure that he's stabilized, they'll bring him back to
ICU.  It'll take several hours for the surgical anesthetic to wear
off, and then, hopefully, he'll regain consciousness.  It might take
a day or so for any brain damage to show up, but we can hope
that there won't be any.  He's not 'out of the woods' by any
means," she said.

More hoping and praying, and still, a lot of fear.

"Let's get some coffee," Karl said, "It's going to be a long night."

In the cafeteria, with coffee in hand, I think we were all a little
relieved.  Something was happening, progress, we hoped.

We started talking, about Eric, of course.  They told me all sorts
of stories and anecdotes about him that I'm sure would have
embarassed him if he were there.  It gave me a picture of another
side of Eric that I didn't know, and some insight on his relationship
with his parents, and insight on them as well.

They sounded like a very happy, functional (as opposed to the
usual dysfunctional) family.  Upper middle class life in the suburbs
with two sons.  This was the first I'd heard of a brother.  I was kin
of surprised until they told me more about Ryan.  They described
him as a total free spirit who lived in the northern part of the stat
He'd been notified about Eric's accident, and was on his way.

More stories about Ryan and Eric actually lightened our
moods, and we occasionally even laughed at the antics they
described.  We all knew that we were escaping for a few
minutes, trying to make the time pass, but that our real thoughts
were on Eric.

Dr. Peterson came in, still wearing scrubs.  "The procedure went
well," he announced.  "He's stabilized and he'll be back in ICU
in a little while."

After a few questions from Eric's mom, she turned to Karl and me
and said "I feel much better already."

We headed back to the ICU to wait for him.

The bed and all the paraphernalia were rolled in.  The crew
quickly and efficiently re-connected all the monitors.

Eric looked different.  More relaxed, serene, as if a burden had
been lifted.  I drug a chair over and assumed my position beside
him, gently holding his hand.  There were even more needles in
his arm and added electrodes.

"How long?" I asked, directing my question to noone in
particular.

"Hard to tell," one of the nurses said.  "I see his brain wave
activity is picking up, so it could be soon."

Hopefully this would be the final wait.  I tried to calm my fears and
think positive thoughts, envisioning him as the vital, active, virile
man that he was.  It was really embarassing to realize that these
thoughts were arousing me.  I tried to change my train of thought,
to think about the future and the things we would do together.  It
worked, I felt better than I had in the last 24 hours.

Without any warning, I felt a squeeze from the hand I held, then
"Son-of-a-bitch, my head hurts," Eric clearly said.

We all jumped.  His mother ran to the other side of the bed and
took his hand.

"Where am I?" he asked.

His mother explained how he had been in an accident, and
gave a brief description of what had happened.

"I can't see too good," he said.

"That'll clear up in a few hours," his mother reassured him.

"I can't see you, but I know who this is," he said, squeezing my
hand almost painfully.  "How ya doin, babe?"

"Much better, now," I told him, letting go with a huge sigh of relief
but not letting go of his hand.

Dr. Peterson came in and introduced himself to Eric.  He too
reassured him about the fuzzy vision, then asked him to move his
arms and legs and to wiggle his torso, gently.  His body
responded, and the sighs of relief were audible.

Dr. Peterson turned to us.  "This boy needs some rest, and so do
you," he said looking directly at me.  "We'll take good care of
him and you can come back in a few hours.  I'm going to give
him something for the pain, and he'll sleep at least 5 or 6 hours.
Come back then.  He'll feel better and so will you.  Now, get!"

"OK, OK," I said, not really wanting to leave.  I bent over and gave
Eric a soft kiss and turned to leave, giving his parents a moment
with him before they too would get run out.

Annie was waiting for me in the waiting room.  "I bribed a nurse,"
she said.  "She's been calling me every half hour with a progress
report, and when she told me that Eric might wake up any time, I
came over.  You look like hell!"

"I need a little sleep," I admitted.

She put her arm around me and led me out.

In the car, she said "I already know that Eric regained
consciousness, and that there doesn't appear to be any serious
damage, but how are YOU doing?"

"I'm totally drained.  Physically, mentally and emotionally, but I'll
be OK now that Eric is doing so much better."

"I know you've been through hell, and I've been thinking about
both of you every minute," she said.   "At first, I was a little jeal
of Eric, but now, I kind of like having him around.  He's so good
for you."

"Thanks, brat," I said.

After both Annie and Mary promised to wake me in four hours,
I set the alarm anyway, and literally passed out.

Annie woke me gently.  I was totally disoriented.  Had all of this
been a bad dream?  The first thing I did was call the hospital,
talking to Annie's bribed nurse.  Eric was doing fine, but was
scheduled for another round of catscans and MRI's, so she told
me to take my time getting there.

When I got back to the hospital, Eric's parents were already
there.  The wave of resentment that swept over me didn't last.  I
wanted him to myself, but knew they loved him too.  I'd share
him, but grudgingly.

Eric was groggy from the pain medication, but he responded to
the hugs and kisses I gave him, and held my hand with a firm
grip.  I felt reassured that he would be OK.

Dr. Peterson came in.  "I know you all love Eric and want to be
with him," he said, "but, he needs rest, so I'm going to ask you to
only stay another ten minutes.   He's doing fine, and you can
come back in the morning."

"What time, Doctor?" I asked.

"Don't come before ten.  He needs rest and we'll be running
more tests in the morning."

I hugged him again, this time saying "That's from me, and that's
from Jim," as I squeezed him.

Dinner was waiting when I got home.  Annie's intelligence
network was working well.  After eating, I went straight to bed.

"Hiya Babe," was the greeting I got from a smiling Eric when I
went into his cubicle the next morning.  His eyes were sparkling
and most of the tubes and wiring were gone.

I leaned to kiss him and his arms went around me.  When we
broke for air, the nurse on duty, a new one, had a totally shocked
look on her face.

"That's the way it is," Eric told her.  "This is my man."

"Such a waste," she muttered.  We grinned at her, knowing
better.

Eric gave me an update on his condition.  He was improving
so fast that they had been able to disconnect most of the
monitors, and his vision was clearing up rapidly.   If he continued
at his present rate, he would be moving to a regular room by the
next day.  Wonderful news that made me ecstatic.

"I feel pretty damned good, considering," he said.  "But, I've
never felt so tired in my life."

His parents came and went, and when he started dozing, I took
my cue and left too.  Let him rest.

That evening, he was even more chipper.  We talked and
laughed for a while, then I noticed him fading.  Time to let him
rest some more.  He was still a long way from total recovery.

It was a lonely evening for me.  Until this happened, Eric and I
had been together every night since my trip to Washington.  The
realization of just how much he meant to me was overwhelming,
but knowing he'd be back at my side soon made it tolerable.

His improvement the next day was even more dramatic.  He
looked and acted like this whole thing had never happened.
As predicted, he was in a regular hospital room when I arrived.

"Sunlight at last!" he said after I kissed him.  "And I can have
visitors now too.  But you're the only one I really want," he
quickly added.

Flowers and potted plants started arriving, and before long his
room was overflowing.

His first "outside" visitor was Jim Wilson.  After giving Eric a
playful jab on his good shoulder, he turned to me and said
"Well, did you give it to him?"

"Sure did," I said.

"You know each other?" Eric asked, surprised.

"We've met," Jim said.  "Must have scared old Dave here,
though, because he brought his bodyguards along," he
chuckled.

Eric looked questioningly at me.  "Ron and Jason," I said.
He laughed.

Jim went on to tell Eric how he had figured out what was going on,
our meeting in the cafeteria, and ended by saying "I even kind of
like the guy," indicating me, "and you guys have my stamp of
approval."

"I guess there aren't any more secrets," Eric said.

"That's up to you," Jim said.  "You know I don't gossip."

"I don't think I care anymore," Eric said.  "I'm happy and I don't
care who knows why."

Before Jim left, another lifeguard came in.  I recognized him from
Annie's pool parties.

Eric meant what he'd said to Jim.  When he introduced me, he
added "He's my man," grabbed my hand and continued, "if you
know what I mean."

I almost exploded with pride.

There was a steady stream of visitors - lifeguards, school friends,
and Eric's parents.  Eric didn't hesitate.  He introduced me to all
as his "partner" and when they seemed puzzled, clarified things
by adding "my lover."

It was a day for revelations.  The reaction was mostly favorable
and supportive, but a few had trouble hiding their discomfort
and left quickly.   Some had already heard the news and
couldn't seem to wait to tell Eric how happy they were for him.

"I'll be the talk of the beach, up and down the coast, you know,"
Eric told me when we were alone.  "I don't think there's ever been
an openly gay lifeguard around before."

"How do you feel about all this?" I asked.

"I'ts kind of a relief," he said.

"You make me very proud, you know," I said.

"That's an extra benefit," he said. "I'm doing this for me, actually.
I'm tired of the games, changing sexes all the time, and hiding
the real me.  I thought 'going public' would be a lot harder, and
that there'd be a lot more rejection than there has been.  It feels
pretty damned good."

We discussed the reactions of those he had 'told', particularly
those who hadn't reacted favorably.  Eric wasn't surprised that
a couple of the other lifeguards hadn't taken the news well.

"They're so insecure that anything different from the norm would
scare hell out of them," he said.  "They put on this Macho front to
try to hide it, but I don't think they fool anybody."

Then, he brought up something that I hadn't even considered.
"What do you think Annie will think about this grand unveiling?"

"I hadn't thought about that," I said.  "She's known that I'm gay
since she was six or seven, and it's never been a problem.  I
know she doesn't broadcast that fact, but I don't think she avoids
the issue either.  I don't see a problem, but do you want to tell
her or do you want me to?"

"I'll talk to her about it the next time I see her," he said.

I left Eric long enough to get something to eat at the Hospital
cafeteria.  I was surprised.  It was edible, but rather bland.  When
I returned to his room, Eric was engaged in animated
conversation with someone I'd never seen before.  When this
guy stood, he looked like an older, thinner, rather tired version
of Eric.

"Babe, this is my brother Ryan," Eric said, then added, "the
hippie" with a smile.

"So you must be the guy I've been hearing so much about,"
Ryan said as we shook hands.  "Hell, you don't look anywhere
near as old as I expected."

"Thanks!" I said, as Eric started laughing.

"Thought I married an old fart, huh," he said, teasing him.
"Actually, I have to run to keep up with him," his eyes sparkled.

We talked about Ryan's "Road Trip" down here.  He considered
any trip an adventure and had taken 3 days to drive 500 miles,
stopping along the way to explore anything that caught his
interest.  He was a real likeable guy.

Then he surprised us both by saying "Tried guys myself a few
times, but my heart really wasn't in it.  Guess you got 'that gene'
Bro."

That opened the discussion on sexual preference.  Eric told
Ryan how his awareness had developed, and how it had
culminated in meeting me.  I mostly listened, learning some
things about Eric that had never been discussed.  I was
impressed at the depth of this discussion.  Eric never ceased to
surprise me.

For a change, I observed Visiting Hours, and when the time
came, kissed Eric goodnight, and made my way out.  Ryan
caught up with me in the lobby.

"Wanted you to know that I was sure that Eric would be OK.
That's why I took my time getting here." he said.

"I understand," I said.  "Where are you staying?"

"Planned to sleep in my Van," he said.

"Would you like to stay with us?" I asked.  "We have plenty of
room."

"I don't want to be 'in the way'," he said.  "Would Eric mind?"

"Go back and ask him," I said.

"I will.  Wait for me, OK?" he said.

When he returned, he told me that Eric had approved of his
staying with us, and that when Eric got home, they would have a
chance to "catch up".

Ryan followed me.  His vintage Volkswagen van was a typical
"Flower Child" throwback to the 60's.

On the way home, I had second thoughts about Ryan as a
house guest for an extended time.  I realized that I was being
selfish.  I wanted Eric all to myself.  Then I remembered my
earlier thoughts about how Eric and I had isolated ourselves
since we met.  Ryan would be good for both of us.  We'd
manage to find privacy when we needed it.

I got Ryan settled into a guest room, then the phone rang.  It was
Eric.

"Thank you for asking Ryan to stay with us." he said.  "I thought
about it, but didn't know how you'd feel."

"It's fine with me or I wouldn't have asked him," I said.

"But, I made him promise to give us time together and not be
a pest," he said.

"It'll work out fine, my love," I said.

"See you in the morning, babe.  I love you," he said.

I left a note in the kitchen for Mary telling her about our house
guest then went to bed myself.

Eric was beaming when I walked in the next morning.  "Guess
what," he said.  "They're going to let me go home tomorrow - -
IF I promise to behave."

I kissed him, and asked "What do you mean by that?"

"I have to take it easy, rest a lot, and come back for followup
tests every few days, and Dr. Peterson said 'No excitement'.  I
asked him what he meant, and he leered at me and said, 'I think
you know what I mean, but no sex!'."

"I can live with that," I said.  "I just want to be able hold you and
snuggle.  That's all I need."

"That may be OK for you, but I'm so damned horny I want to jump
your bones right now.  See what you do to me," he said,
throwing back the covers, laughing.  Sure enough, his beautiful
cock was standing at full attention, making a tent out of his
hospital gown.

"Seriously," he continued, "I'll behave.  I just want to get out of
here."

"We'll work at it," I promised.  "I want you home, too."

"Now," he said, getting really serious, "I realize that this ordeal
has probably been harder on you than it has on me.  Your being
here every minute makes me love you all that much more, but
now that I'm so much better, you need a break.  I want you here,
but you need some different scenery than this hospital.  I'll be
home tomorrow and we can be together all the time, but today,
why don't you get out of here and relax."

"I get the feeling I'm being thrown out," I said.

"For your own good," he said.  "I'll have plenty of company, and
without you here, maybe I can learn a little more about how they
really feel about my confessions yesterday."

"If that's what you want." I said.

"You know I love you, but the worst is over.  Let's try to get back
to normal.  I want this whole thing behind me as fast as possible
so we can get on with our lives.  Now scram!"

I understood how he felt, but still wasn't happy about leaving him.
He was right, of course.  We needed to get on with living.

I went to the office.  It wasn't a surprise that everyone knew all th
details of what had happened.  The fact that I had a lover was
now common knowledge.  It didn't matter because most knew I
was gay anyway.

I dove into work.  It seemed that there was an inordinate amount
of things that required my attention.  Were they trying to keep me
busy?  I played along, and before I knew it, the day flew past.

Eric was smiling when I walked into his room.  "Wow, what a day,"
he said.  "I think everybody I know has been here.  Mom and
Dad and Ryan, too. And, how was your day?"

"I went to the office, and I think they dreamed up work to keep me
busy," I said.

He chuckled.  "I guess it wasn't as interesting as my day, then.
If you think yesterday was full of surprises, wait til you hear about
what I learned today."

I gave him a big kiss, which quickly got rather urgent.  He pulled
back, saying "Doctors orders, you know."

I know, but I don't have to like it," I said.  "Tell me all about wha
happened today."

"For starters, I'm sure not the only queer lifeguard!  Guys that I
never dreamed were gay came out to me today.  Since I 'broke
the ice,' so to speak, some are even considering going public
like I did.  In one day, I've become something of a role model.
I'm not sure I can handle that!"

"If anyone was ever qualified to be one, you're it," I told him.

"But I don't want the job," he said.  "I just want to live my life
without any attention, and live 'happily ever after' with you."

"You can do both," I assured him.

"There's something else," he said.  "I guess I wasn't the only one
who had his eye on you."

"Oh, really!" I said.

"Guess my timing was good because a couple of other guys
were getting ready to make a move on you.  Couple of hot guys
too.  I think I'm lucky to have gotten to you first."

"I'm flattered, of course," I said.  "But, I can't imagine getting
interested in anyone else but you.  They may be 'hot' but
nobody even comes close.  You have so much more."

"I feel better now," he said.

"Well, at least we have some new playmates," I said.

"Mates, maybe, but play, NO.  You're mine, and they can look
but cant touch," he said.

"Same goes for you stud," I said.  "I'm not as possessive, but I
want you all to myself."

"Nothing to worry about there," he said.  "I'm yours, now and
forever."

"We're getting kind of sappy," I said.  "I love you, I trust you, and
you can trust me."

I felt a twinge of guilt when I said that, remembering Brian in
Hartford.

"I know I can - - now," Eric said.  "Let's talk about the move
tomorrow."

The only flowers that he wanted to take home were the ones that
Annie and I had sent.  He wanted to take the plants for his office
at home, and they would fit in the car.  He would be released at
around 10:00 AM the next day, and I would be there waiting.

"Now go home," he said.  "I want a good night's sleep, and you
need one too.  Even though we can't make love, I'll need all my
strength.  Hell, I've hardly moved in 4 days."