Date: Sun, 3 Jul 2011 18:09:44 -0500
From: Jonothan Wolf <jwolf24450@gmail.com>
Subject: The List: Epilogue

**Standard disclaimer applies. This is purely fiction (if based only
slightly on actual events). Don't read if you shouldn't because you're
under 18 or live in a backwards area. The end of this chapter contains a
preview of the sequel to The List, The Funny Thing Is. Only read it if you
are prepared to be addicted to another story. I appreciate any and all
feedback, so please email me at jwolf24450@gmail.com. Enjoy the story!

	Epilogue

        The next day was a master class in anticipation. It was weird; I
looked forward to seeing Chase swim so badly, everything else just kind of
melted into the background. Before I could hop in the passenger's side of
his car at 2:00 and make the one hour trip to Waco, I had several stops to
make.

       I took the form that Mitchell had signed for me and returned it to
the student health center so that my work there was done. There was one
follow up course four weeks later, but I had essentially paid my drunken
debt to society.

       After that, Tye wanted to meet with me about nationals the following
week.

       "Look, Coop, I didn't want to put too much pressure on you when we
talked yesterday," he said in his little cubicle. "I know you didn't
anticipate playing until the fall, let alone starting. But I really think
you can do this."

       "Tye, I'm up for the challenge," I responded, feeling confident. "It
sucks that Penny bailed, but the show must go on, so I'll give it my all."

       "You really are a good setter," he smiled from across the desk. "I
hope I'm here during your senior year to see how good you become."

       "Or to see what freshman waltzes in and takes my spot," I
grinned. Too soon? Perhaps. Tye changed the subject to why he'd really
asked me to his desk.

       "Is everything okay personally? Your black eye is fading, but I just
want to make sure you're alright."

       "I'm alright, Tye," I said sincerely.

       "Good. I know how it can be, I guess. Different. Small school,
conservative. Just... I know how it can be."

       It was one of those rare intimate moments between two people on the
same page that didn't need to be elaborated. I could just imagine a small
but strong guy like Tye joining a volleyball league in a small town and
being harassed for it while his other jock friends did more traditionally
masculine sports. It was clear by the look in his eye that he had had to
fight before, and he was worried about me. I appreciated the concern.

       After that meeting, I walked straight to the dorms to do what I had
been putting off for nearly two weeks. I knew that Spencer would be
swimming at the Baylor meet. I also knew that I'd most likely be crashing
at their hotel, going to their dinner, and generally hanging out with
swimmers for a couple of days. Avoiding him would be impossible. The rumors
that I was dating Chase would be flying. I needed to nip our feud in the
bud before it left Dallas, and I walked over to my old dorm room with that
determination in my step.

       It felt weird knocking on my own door. It felt even weirder when
Spencer opened it and looked at me like I was a stranger.

       "Can I come in?" I asked. He opened the door wider for me and let me
through. The room was different. My bed had been lofted on top of
Spencer's, creating a space that appeared twice as big as before. He'd
moved the desk to the side, added a brand new rug and a couple of bean bag
chairs. All in all, it looked like a frat lounge had replaced my bedroom.

       "Your stuff is in the closet there," he said, pointing to a small
box filled with the things I'd left. "I'm sure I'll run into more of your
things, but that's all I got so far."

       "I didn't come by to get my stuff."

       He looked up and glared at me. "You mean you're ready to talk?"

       "No," I replied truthfully. "But we need to."

       Spencer began shaking his head. I could tell that my usually in
control ex-roommate was about to get emotional. "Look, Cooper. I know I
screwed up big time, okay? I get that. I don't even see Kyle that way, to
be honest. And when it happened the one time, I swear one time, I knew it
was wrong from the get-go."

       "Okay."

       "Believe me, if I could take it back, I would. Things have been
super awkward between me and Kyle since then. I don't know... I just... I
never should have done it."

       "You never should have done him," I corrected with a smile. Spencer
almost smiled at the joke. "I'm sorry I over reacted. Listen, the reason I
was so pissed at you is because somewhere inside I always thought that Kyle
and I would get back together."

       "Ya'll will get back together," Spencer said with conviction as he
went back to stuffing his duffle bag with a change of clothes. It was like
emotional Spencer had gone out the window and things were melting back to
normal. I sat down on a bean bag chair and put my feet up on his bed.

       "Mmm, I don't think so."

       "You can't honestly be that serious about Chase," he said. He
flipped his curly hair back and I felt jealous that I didn't have my brown
hair to run my fingers through.

       "It's definitely getting pretty serious with Chase," I replied.

       "I've heard that a million times from you, Cooper," he said. He
reached over into what was once my desk and pulled out a blue
notebook. "Remember this."

       He tossed me the notebook and I knew immediately it was The List. I
looked at it with reverence, almost like it was a sacred document or
something. I flipped through the first few pages, remembering just how
horned up I'd been nearly six months prior.

       What was strange was that I felt grown up. I knew I was a different
kind of guy than I was at the beginning of mine and Spencer's social
experiment. I didn't need anyone to tell me so, I just felt it.

       "Look at this thing," I answered with a smile. "Not how I expected
this to go."

       "I didn't expect you to fall in love with the third specimen,"
Spencer laughed. "My best friend, too. Come on, guy."

       "Shut up," I replied. "Spence, I dunno. I don't think I need this
anymore. I mean things are going great with Chase and if they stay great,
great. If they don't, I don't think bed hopping and collecting specimen is
going to be my cure of choice anymore."

       "I can't listen to these words come out of your mouth," Spencer
laughed. "From the guy who, let me see that. From the guy who brought home
a bartender while he was trying to convince Kyle he was ready to go
steady. From the guy who sucked off a property manager just to feel single
again even though he didn't want to. And let's not forget you blowing a
Jason Mraz wannabe in the name of charity."

       "He needed my help," I laughed. I could see where Spencer wasn't
believing me, and I understood. But I knew things were different this time
around. And if for some reason I screwed things up, I knew I could handle
it. I'd handled the hardest break up of my life and I came out
unscathed. Minus a black eye and a small contusion above my right ear.

       "I dunno. I'm going all in with Chase, so we'll see what
happens. I'm ready to date someone and give them my undivided
attention. I'm coming to ya'lls meet with him today," I added. Spencer's
face lit up and I was glad I'd come over. It took just a little effort to
forget the whole thing between him and Kyle ever happened.

       When I left, I felt like things could actually return to normal. I
had gotten over Kyle, and although I still didn't feel the need to seek him
out, I wouldn't be awkward if I ran into him. I'd forgiven Spencer and I
could foresee our friendship returning to normal. It would never be what it
was simply because of proximity, but he was still my best friend here at
SMU. You always miss a best friend.

       I usually had brunch on Saturdays with Sebastian. This Saturday,
however, he had invited me to Srat Brunch at Kappa. Every third Saturday of
the month, the girls opened up their sorority houses for their brother
frats to come over and eat. It was the campus' way of promoting healthy
gender relations through sober, platonic events.

       I agreed to go only because Sebastian hated going by himself so
much. I also thought it would be neat to see Devon for the first time in
four days without looking like an ICU patient.

       "Well look who it is," she said as soon as she saw me. She stood and
gave me a big hug. "It's good to see you in something other than a backless
gown."

       "How are you feeling sweetie?" Britney asked in her extremely fake
and high pitched voice.

       "I'm good," I replied, looking at Devon the whole time. She was the
antithesis to Britney and I wondered how they got along so well. Even there
at lunch, Britney was wearing a blue Lilly Pulitzer sun dress even though
the sun was nowhere to be found. Devon was dressed more sensible in jeans
and a cashmere sweater.

       "Your eye looks good," Devon said, running her thumb under it. The
small bump that remained hurt just a tad, but nothing compared to when
she'd last seen it.

       We walked through the buffet line and filled our plates with the
offerings of fried food designed specifically to cure the hangovers from
Friday's partying. There was even a virgin Bloody Mary bar and mock mimosas
in the corner (I'm sure if I'd asked, someone would slipped me some liquor
for a casual hair o' the dog). For a people that appeared to barely eat,
the food on Sorority Row was surprisingly good.

       An hour, ten chicken strips, and a plate of cheese fries later, I
was surprised at how much fun I'd had. I looked at the door a couple of
times, thinking that a socially astute Sigma might walk through the door at
minute. Being members of the big four, it wouldn't be unfeasible for them
to be invited to Kappa for lunch. No one I recognized came in.

       "Thank you for coming," Devon said as she walked me out. Sebastian
was kissing Britney goodbye and I was thankful Devon was there to keep
things from being awkward.

       "It was my pleasure," I replied.

       "Consider this a standing invitation for my favorite
non-Greek. Every third Saturday," she said with a smile. She looked
admittedly cute standing on their front porch with me, shielding her face
from the sun that had made its first appearance all day. I accepted, gave
her a hug, and left towards Sebastian's car. It was weird that Devon
smelled so much like `girl'. It was different. I was so used to smelling
the manly scents of guys that I'd almost forgotten how delicate and dainty
girls smelled when you got up close. I liked it.

        I told Chase about Devon an hour later on our way to Waco. He'd
arranged with his coach to drive himself as long as he made it to Baylor by
four. The coach didn't object, probably because if Chase logged his slowest
time of the season in the pre-lims that day, he would still finish a good
three or four seconds before anyone else. He wasn't only favored to win all
of his events, he was expected to crush a couple pool records.

       "I told coach that you were my good luck charm," he explained before
we set off. "It better be true." It was the last meet before the conference
tournament, so I hoped indeed that it was.

       "So tell me more about this Devon girl that you have a crush on," he
said as we sailed down I-35 southbound.

       "Don't make fun of me," I said.

       "You're in my car, gamin. I ask the questions."

       "What do you want to know?"

       "I want to know what you like about her?" he asked. He looked at me
as his Audi zoomed down the highway.

       "I don't like her," I replied defensively.

       "You totally like her," he said. "You're blushing."

       I felt my face flush. "She's fun," I said finally. "She's a good
friend."

       "I'm glad she doesn't have a penis or else you'd leave me for her,"
he joked. "Tell the truth. You'd leave me for those lovely lady lumps,
wouldn't you?"

       "You're ridiculous," I laughed. As I did, Chase reached over, took
my hand and brought it to his crotch.

       "You know how to drive a stick, boy?" he asked in a cheesy Texan
accent. I didn't know how he expected me to take him seriously.

       "What are you doing?" I choked fully aware that it was high noon and
I had my hand on my boyfriend's crotch.

       "I'm asking if you've ever driven a stick," he said. He squeezed
down on my hand causing my hand to squeeze down on his gear shaft.

       "What happened to no fooling around before a meet?"

       "A hand job is hardly fooling around," he replied. "Plus, you make
me so very very horny. Swimming with a boner is so uncomfortable."

       Without waiting for my answer, Chase pulled down his zipper and
fished out his semi hard pecker.

       "Come on babe," he said with a wicked smile. I blushed, took in a
deep breath and clasped down on his dick.

       "That's what I'm talking about," he exclaimed triumphantly. I had
never done anything like this before, and the sheer heat from Chase's cock
caused mine to tremble as well. "Put a little fist into it."

       I pulsed down harder on his dick and it jumped in my grasp. I felt a
trickle of precum slide down the side of my hand and I brought it to my
lips and licked it off.

       "How's that taste for you?" he asked. Truthfully, it tasted almost
medicinal. Like there was a chemical coursing through his reproductive
tract. Lustfully, it tasted amazing.

       "I'll need a bigger sample," I said with a grin. "Eyes on the road,"
I added as I slid my seatbelt behind me and bent down, taking as much of
his cock as this position would allow.

       "Holy shit," Chase said, swerving the car just a bit. I felt his
dick lurch to the back of my throat and I swallowed involuntarily, causing
a vibration to travel up his body. He swerved again.

       "I said watch the road," I repeated, coming up for a quick breath.

       I don't know what came over me, but blowing Chase in that car as he
cruised down the street felt both natural and completely spontaneous. For
some reason, the sheer danger of it all made me double my efforts and I
sucked him off harder than I ever thought possible.

       "Shit, babe, I'm about to cum," he said. With one hand, he pushed my
head further down on his cock. He steered with the other. It might have
been safer for us to park the car for this little exercise, but roadhead
was way more fun.

       Less than a mile after his warning, I felt warm sticky liquid pump
out of Chase's dick directly into my mouth. I couldn't swallow it all fast
enough as small dribbles escaped the side of my mouth. When I was confident
he was done coming, I released his still hard dick and licked around for
any stray cum.

       "That was fucking fantastic," he said with a satisfied grin on his
face.

       "Now it's your turn," I joked, not expecting him to take me
seriously. The next thing I knew, Chase was pulling over.

       He parked the car on the service road, got out and ran to my door. A
minute later, I was in the driver's seat, careening down I-35 with my cock
in Chase's mouth.

       He was totally right. The adrenaline made the orgasm so much hotter,
and just as I pulled past the Waco city limit sign, I let my load go
straight to the back of Chase's throat.

       We switched seats again so that he could navigate our way around
Baylor. We didn't have much time to spare and I had never been there.

       "I think that might be illegal in these city limits,"

       "It definitely is," Chase laughed. "On a serious note," he said as
he slowed the car into a parking garage. I had no clue what he was about to
ask. I didn't think we had any reason to get serious. "I want to live with
you next fall."

       He must have noticed the shock on my face. I hadn't even considered
my fall term living arrangements, but I had never expected them to include
shacking up.

       "Before you get all nervous on me," he said. "The swimmers need to
know if I'm resigning my Backstroke lease, because if not, they're going to
open it up to some freshmen. I need to make a decision here pretty soon,
and I thought maybe you would be into living together."

       "Chase, are we ready for something like this? I mean, we've only
been together a couple of months."

       "I can't speak for you, Cooper, but I'm sure. This, right here, all
of it. This is what I want. There's no pressure, but I'm just thinking it
could be a fun little adventure."

       I still didn't respond. My smile was plastered on, but my mind was
racing. What was the big deal in living with him? It's not like I had a
steadfast rule or anything. And we had spent every night for the past
several weeks sleeping together. It would diminish the decision making
process of whose room we'd crash in. We could consolidate toiletries and
save on gas driving back and forth. On paper, it seemed like a good idea
both physically and economically.

       This was a step I hadn't even considered with Kyle. Moving in seemed
so official. So final. It was like crossing the commitment point of no
return. Was I ready for that? I was on the precipice of an adult
relationship, but surprisingly, I wasn't afraid.

       By the time we parked, I had asked myself a million and one
questions and I kept going back to the first one.

       `Why not?' It made perfect and total sense to just do it. Take a
leap, I told myself. Chase will catch you.

	I kept asking myself what would happen if we broke up. I'll deal, I
thought. But the back of my mind kept telling me that we weren't going to
break up. We were both all in. Being with Chase felt more real than
anything leading up to it. The thing that scared me most about the whole
thing was that I wasn't all that scared about doing it at all. Was I
unwittingly setting myself up for failure? Or was this the beginning of a
long term relationship?

       "Chase," I said as he rounded a corner and parked his car in front
of the Baylor aquatic complex. With the confidence to let him hear me, I
repeated what I had said the night before. "I love you."

       He leaned over without a bit of hesitation and kissed me firmly on
the lips.

       "I love you too," he replied. "Does that mean we're getting a
place?"

       "We're getting a place," I said. "Now go, go race."

       The meet itself was way more interesting and fun than I
anticipated. I sat up in the bleachers way above the pool, keeping my eye
on my boyfriend who stood a few inches above the rest. When it came to the
other supporters, I felt slightly out of place as one of a handful of
students and the only one from SMU. Everyone else in the bleachers was a
parent of someone swimming with a few Baylor students peppered throughout
the bleachers.

       I did get loud when Chase won his first heat, however. It was
incredible watching him slide into the water so effortlessly. He glided
back and forth, back and forth, gaining a lead with every turn. He was a
pro among amateurs and everyone around knew it.

       "You're friends with the fast one?" a lady asked after I cheered for
Chase after a sprint that he won effortlessly.

       "Yeah," I said cautiously.

       "Tell him he's amazing, and that he has a fan here at Baylor. He
just whooped my kid's butt!" she laughed. I smelled a hint of gin and tonic
on her breath and was jealous I hadn't thought to flask it for the
afternoon.

       By the end of the first night, Chase had qualified for the finals in
8 out of 8 events, including the butterfly which he subbed in for at the
last minute. There was something about seeing him in the water that made
him twice as sexy to me. He was in his element and he owned it.

       His coach's generosity extended as far as the ride down. For the
rest, I was on my own. I thought about driving back to Dallas and then
waking up early and coming back down to Waco, but Chase's first race was at
8:00 a.m., meaning I'd have to leave at about to get a good seat 6:00.

       The other option was to spend the night at home. From Waco, my
parent's house was only about 30 minutes away, which wasn't bad. The idea
of having to explain why I was showing up at 1 a.m. however, made that
option the worst of the three.

       I opted to use my emergency credit card to book a room in the same
hotel as our team. I got a decent deal on a Queen size single. We parted
with a long kiss in the lobby in front of several of his teammates,
including Spencer.

       "Get a room," Spencer said, punching me in the back as he passed by.

       "I already have one, jealous," I replied.

       When I checked into my room, the first thing I did was take a long,
hot, hotel shower. Hotel toiletries were an obsession of mine; The Holiday
Inn Express in Waco had a decent array. After what felt like an hour of
steady smoking water, I toweled off and hopped into bed.

       "Ow!" I heard when I crawled in, taking up as much bed space as I
wanted. It had been forever since I had crawled into a bed alone.

       The yelp startled me and I shot up, clicked on the light and pulled
the cover. I took on a defensive stance, ready to kick the shit out of an
intruder.

       "You fucking kicked my shin!" Chase yelled. I couldn't help but
laugh at him, lying there in a pair of shorts, holding on to his leg like I
had paralyzed him. I must have been a sight as well, standing there naked,
ready to kick ass and take names.

       "Um, you scared the living shit out of me," I said, calming down and
crawling back into bed. "What the fuck are you doing here? And how did you
even get in?"

       "I snuck out. And I charmed the front desk clerk into getting a key
to my `brother's' room. She's really cute; you might like her. "

       "You're gonna get in so much trouble and your coach is gonna hate
me. Oh my God, I'm going to be banned. They're going to ban me from meets."

       "He won't ban you. People sneak out all the time. It's mostly to
make out with Baylor girls; believe me, everyone does it."

       "So why are you here? No Baylor girls wanted to kiss your ugly mug
tonight?" I jeered.

       "Please, I could get any Baylor babe I want, Monsieur," he said with
a grin. He kissed me softly; not a leading kiss, but a passionate one. I
knew sex was out of the question the night before a meet, so I didn't even
touch him suggestively. Instead, we kissed for a few minutes until we
started to doze off.

       "I think it was ballsy for you to show up here," I said with a
yawn. It was passed 2:00 a.m. and both of us were exhausted.

       "Oh yeah?"

       "Yeah. I could have had a hot stranger in here when you snuck
in. What would you have done?"

       "Kicked his ass," Chase replied flatly. I could tell he was almost
asleep. I closed my eyes and dropped it. "I hope you don't plan on sleeping
with anyone else ever again."

       The sentence was nonchalant, point blank. It wasn't a threat or an
ultimatum. It was just a fact. He wanted to be all there for me, everything
I needed.

       "I'd hate for you to start getting into fights on account of me," I
whispered. "Plus I could get really used to this." Chase hugged me closer
and we fell asleep.

       I had every reason to be the proud boyfriend that I was the
following day and I wasn't shy about showing it. Spencer hadn't qualified
for any of the finals, so he got to sit up with me in the rafters, cheering
Chase on.

       His first race was a longer free swim with more laps than I could
count. He came in well before the second place finisher and ended up with a
pool record. It was sublime seeing the officials change the name on the
record board right then and there to Pallendrino, C.

       His next two races were a little bit shorter and were over before I
could even tell. One was a simple there and back and he won that one
handedly. The second was a 200 meter free and he just barely took first
place, finishing right before a Longhorn.

       The next race was the butterfly that he wasn't even trained for. He
got a bronze medal on that one, a loss in his books but I was still really
proud.

       "He's incredible," Spencer said after the butterfly upset.

       "Yeah," I said. My eyes were glued to him toweling off and walking
stealthily to the warming pool on the other side. "I can see why you liked
him so much."

       Spencer looked at me and smiled. "He's all yours, buddy."

       After lunch, Chase had a long break where they did events he wasn't
a part of. He came up and watched the backstroke events with me, explaining
different things that I never would have known.

       "That guy has a terrible stroke," he said as if we were discussing
horses. "And his kick off is disgusting."

       Other guys had legs too short or arms too wide to swim
effectively. By the end of his teaching lesson, I was sure he was the only
person in the world built perfectly to swim.

       It sure seemed like it when he reamed the competition in his final
two events: both relays. The 4x400 was by far the most exciting thing I'd
ever seen in my entire life. When the third swimmer touched the wall,
alerting Chase that it was his turn, my boyfriend was a full body length
behind the Baylor team. He was actually next to last. With only one lap and
one turn to regain the lead, Chase swam faster than I'd ever seen a human
swim. By the time he hit the first wall, he was just half a stroke behind
the first place swimmer.

       It was like Chase kicked it into overdrive after the turn. I almost
felt bad for the Baylor team who had been cheering for the first three
swimmers but realized with Chase at the helm that their lead was gone. He
touched the wall a split second before anyone else. My boyfriend was a
swimming savant, and it felt good.

       "You know he'll probably make the Olympic team," Spencer said after
everything was said and done. They'd played the Mustang song over the loud
speaker signaling that we won the meet and people were filing out. I waited
around with Spencer and the other guys who hadn't qualified for our guys to
come out of the locker room.

       "You think?"

       "He's favored to win the division title, at least in the 100, 200
and 500 free. They'll bring him on to the national team for the relay at
least, if not to race individually," Spencer said confidently. "I mean, he
might have set an NCAA record here in the sprint. He's incredible."

        It was weird hearing someone else tell me that Chase could quite
possibly make the Olympics. When Chase said it, it sounded like a dream or
a goal. When Spencer said it, it sounded like a fact.

       "Hm," was my only response. What did that mean for me? I did a quick
calculation in my head. The Olympic games were the following year in
London. That meant that Chase would have to qualify here pretty soon and
train with the team. I didn't even know where the team trained.


       As I followed Spencer downstairs to meet up with the rest of our
guys, I couldn't help but wonder if moving in with Chase was the best
idea. If he was going to jet off to the Olympics in the fall, was it worth
taking the risk? What if he made it? Would it be a problem for our
relationship? I hadn't considered the possibility, but it was now staring
me in the face.

       Instead of staying in Waco that night where there was absolutely
nothing to do, I hitched a ride with Chase back to campus.

       "You're quiet," he said a few minutes into the trip. I was
admittedly distant after the bomb Spencer had dropped.

       "Sorry," I replied flatly.

       "Is something eating you up, Gilbert Grape?" he asked. I moved my
head to look at him.

       "What's gonna happen if you go to the Olympics?"

       "Where did that come from?"

       "Spencer might have said something. And you talk about it so
casually as if it's a foregone conclusion," I added quickly.
       "It isn't. There's no such thing as a foregone conclusion when it
comes to something like that," he said, sounding irritated for the first
time I'd ever heard. "And if it happens, it happens. Nothing changes
between us."

       "I guess it just makes me nervous, that's all," I said. Chase didn't
say anything for about a mile. I looked at his hands and saw that they were
clutching the steering wheel tightly.

       "Why does it make you nervous?"

       I took a deep breath. "I dunno, I just. If you go off to London or
whatever. And before that, you'll be training all the time. And then if you
go and do well, you'll be a huge celebrity. I just... I wonder where
that'll leave me, you know?"

       "Okay, first of all, if I make the team, I can train from
here. Believe it or not, they have pools in Dallas. Second, the Olympics,
last I checked at least, were in the summer. Will you miss a little school
cheering me on in London? Maybe. Will it be worth it? I think so. Finally,
who do you know on the men's team right now? Michael Phelps. Maybe Ian
Thorpe. That's it. The chances I become a celebrity and leave you behind
are none in a million, babe."

       The words sounded perfect. I filed the speech under `right things to
say'. I couldn't deny that Chase had a way of easing my mind about
things. But in the back of my mind, I still felt uneasy about it. I thought
about the future for a few minutes, and it just seemed so inevitable. If
this was Chase's actual destiny, I foresaw us growing apart. I wondered if
it was worth it, then. If I could already see us growing apart, was it
worth taking the journey?

       As we neared campus, I realized why it was nagging at me so
irritatingly. What I was feeling was the exact same thing Kyle had felt
when he felt me slipping away. I felt in my heart like I wanted no other
option than Chase, and here he had the world at his fingertips.

       I realized we wouldn't have to deal with this for another year at
least, but the question remained: is it worth it?

       The answer to me was 100 percent yes. If all I had was 365 days with
Chase Pallendrino, they'd be great days. That was the difference between me
and Kyle and that was why we couldn't work. I was there for the
adventure. He was in it for the ending.

       But being in his shoes made me understand where he had come from. I
could feel what he had felt and it softened me towards him a little.

       "Monsieur, you are a million miles away," Chase said, snapping me
out of my deep thoughts. "I asked if you wanted to do my place or yours."

       "Um, let's do mine," I said with a smile. "But I have a stop to make
first."

       "You make your stop, I'll pick up some food and wine and we'll have
a quiet night in," he said. He pulled up to the quad a minute later and I
ran for stop one of two.

       When I walked into Spencer's room, he had just gotten in from Waco
and was unpacking his things.

       "What are you doing here?"

       "I want you to believe that I can do this," I said firmly. He looked
at me like I was a crazy person, so I elaborated. "I'm done with The
List. This is it. Chase is the last entry I ever want to put in. So I'm
done. And I want you to believe that I can do it."

       "It's not that I don't believe you can do it," Spencer said. "I
think you can. I think when the right guy comes along, you have enough in
you to love him forever." He shrugged his shoulders. "Is Chase that guy?"

       "Spence, this is going to sound crazy, but I think he is," I
said. "I know that I don't know a lot about this stuff and it's weird and
stupid, but I'm not afraid to be with him. With Kyle it was all such an
uphill battle. With Chase, it just feels right. Easy. When you know, you
know, right?"

       "I don't want you to get hurt," he said.

       "I cannot possibly hurt more than I did a few months ago. I can do
this," I said, more to myself than to Spencer. He looked at me and
smiled. He grabbed the blue notebook and threw it in the trash.

       "It's the end of The List, I guess," he said. I gave Spencer a hug
and knew that we'd be friends for a very long time. Seeking his opinion and
approval felt too natural to dismiss. There are certain friends you never
let go of no matter what and Spencer was clearly one of those.

       My second stop wasn't nearly as dramatic. I knocked on Kyle's door
and he opened it almost immediately.

       "Coop," he said, surprised. "What are you doing here?" It was pretty
late for a social call on a Sunday, and Kyle was already in his pajamas.

       "Um, do you maybe want to go to lunch tomorrow?" I asked. It was my
easy way of extending the white flag. I didn't want to be indifferent
towards him anymore. Regardless of whether or not we could be in love
again, I wanted Kyle in my life. He'd taught me too much to discard.

       "Seriously?"

       "As friends," I added quickly. "I miss talking to you, Kyle."

       He softened his face and his posture for a rare moment of
vulnerability and he flashed me a dazzling smile.

       "Lunch tomorrow," he said. "Sounds good."

       "I'll call you then," I said, desperately trying to ease the
awkwardness.

       "My number is still the same," he smiled.

       Things would never be the exact same for us, but the funny thing
was, I knew they'd be good regardless. I felt good about my decision to
reach out to him, and the fact that I could now understand his position
when we broke up, even if I didn't agree with it; it made me realize we
were in it for the long haul.

       "It's about time you got back," Chase said when I finally walked
back to my bedroom. He was sitting on my bed thumbing threw some Chinese
takeout with chopsticks. He looked cute not knowing how to work them at
all.

       "Let's ditch the food," I said seductively. I put the cartons of
food on the floor and climbed on top of Chase. His larger than life grin
told me he was okay skipping a meal or two if I was to be his meal
replacement bar.

       "I love you, Mr. Pallendrino," I said kissing him deeply and
grinding my rock hard pecker into his. He looked me square in the eye,
holding the most intimate gaze I'd ever felt. "I don't think I'll ever get
tired of saying that."

       "I love you too, Monsieur," he smiled. We spent the next two and
half hours making love.

        The Funny Thing Is (Preview)... Fine is always fine until it's not
quite fine anymore.

	There was once a time when Saturdays were about fun. Relaxation,
booze and the boys. Hiking, camping, shopping, drinking. You name it and it
could be done on a Saturday. And then I had kids.

	"Coop, listen up," Devon said in the checklist drill sergeant voice
she'd perfected over the past twenty years. She prattled off without
missing a single step in getting her makeup done. "Nine o'clock, I need you
to take CJ to karate. Then Lizzy needs to go to the cheerleading tryout at
the St. Mark's gymnasium. It starts at noon, but she's getting together
with the other girls to rehearse the routine at ten. If I were you, I'd
drop off CJ, come back for Lizzy, pick up Gil and Katie and take them
straight to St. Mark's. By the time you drop them off, CJ will be ready and
hungry, so ya'll can stop somewhere for lunch."

	"I have my lunch meeting with Mason," I interrupted. It was
important I sit down with my editor sooner rather than later to go over the
final edits for my second novel. And other stuff.


	"I know," she replied. "I pushed it back for you from one to two so
that you could get everything with the kids done and then worry about your
meeting with no interruptions."

	With my entire day laid out before me, Devon gave me a kiss that
lacked sincerity or passion, buttoned her blazer and headed out for her
third dentistry conference in as many weekends.

	I sat there looking at what I had to do for the day, wondering why
I was awake at 7:30 on a Saturday and longing for the days when Saturdays
weren't a kiss of death.

	Instead of going back to sleep, I put on a pair of jogging shoes
and did three miles around the neighborhood. My run clocked in at just
under 25 minutes and by the time I got back to my coveted home on a coveted
corner in Highland Park, Dallas, it was time to wake up the kids and rally.

	"CJ, I really don't want to hear it right now," I called as my son
protested waking up for his Tae Kwon Do showcase. "You're the one that
wanted to switch from Capoeira to Tae Kwon Do. Well guess what, kiddo, Tae
Kwon Do showcases on Saturday mornings, so let's go."

	The clock ticked as I did what I'd come to do every Saturday. I put
bagels in the toaster, CJ's uniform in the dryer to release the wrinkles,
and shaved my stubble over whatever sink was nearest. I knew that Lizzy's
friends would meet at our place before going to cheerleading, so I set out
a fruit platter and oatmeal they could heat up when they woke. By 8:40 when
I was literally dragging my spitting image into the Volvo I'd promised
myself I'd never buy, I was already too exhausted for a Saturday.

	I accomplished everything I needed to pre-noon like a well oiled
machine. I dropped CJ off at the Dojo to do his thing. When I got home,
Elizabeth and her best friends were fretting over their routine for the
ninth grade cheer squad tryouts. By 10:00, they were at the gym and ready
to go, their social status in high school hanging on the balance and
dictated by how well formed their hurkies were. I circled back around,
caught the last bit of CJ's showcase and by noon, I was parked at
Chik-Fil-A, listening to my son debrief me on how Tae Kwon Do had gone. He
would be a red belt soon, he could feel it.

	I dropped CJ off back at the house, changed into khakis and a polo
and drove to my office on campus to meet with my publicist slash manager
slash right hand man, Mason.

	"Hey, Spencer," I said into my hands free headset as I jetted to
University Park and silently prayed I'd find street parking by the English
building.

	"Tell me you'll be at Kyle's tonight," he said without any
introduction. "The thought of standing around and listening to hum drum
lawyers make me feel like a jack ass for three hours alone doesn't excite
me."

	"I'll try to make it," I said. "No promises though."

	"No, no, Cooper," my best friend and college roommate yelled into
the phone. "You promised you would go this time. I don't give a shit what
Devon has you scheduled for. Cancel it and come. We're playing beer pong
and desperately rekindling our youth after the old farts leave. You have to
be here."

	"I'll be there, Spencer," I said as I pulled into the faculty
parking lot. Close enough, I thought. I trekked passed my old stomping
ground, excited to be back and on the other side of the desk this time.

	"Professor Carpenter," Mason said with a firm handshake and a
lingering smile. I took a second to look around at my office. My oak
desk. My leather chair. My art on the wall. My bookshelf stocked with
everything from Alexander Dumas to JK Rowling.

	"I never thought I'd hear those words," I said, putting my hands
behind my head and stretching out. "How was the drive?"

	"It was good," Mason said. He hated coming in from Fort Worth, but
I hated making the trip even more. He was on my payroll, so he'd drive in
when I needed him. "This is the scoop, though. We're way behind on the
edits for The List and it makes me nervous that you're getting all Dolly
Parton-ed up for a nine to five before we're done."

	"I told you I could juggle it all, didn't I?"

	"You said that," he replied. "But I'm yet to see you follow
through. I gave you that stack of edits two weeks ago and there's no
headway on it."

	"That's because it's perfect. That bitch at Knowles Publishing is
trying to suck all the joy out of the story."

	"The story is about a boy who has sex with other boys for the first
time and loves it," he said. "It's chock full of joy. The pages are stuck
together with joy. Make the edits and do it now."

	"Classes start on Monday, so it'll be at least another week before
I get to it."

	"Do you not like having your name on a best sellers list? It's been
four years since All Cooped Up and your name is quickly being filed under
one-hit wonders, buddy. You're the Hoku of gay literature," he added.

	"I'll get it done, Mason," I assured. "Is there anything else?"

	"Not at the moment, Professor Carpenter," he said.

       "That has a nice ring to it," I said with a wicked smirk.

       As if on cue, Mason stood and circled my desk. He sat at the edge
with his legs spread around mine and smiled down at me. Without any
hesitation, I pulled his zipper down, fished out his already hardening cock
and stuffed it into my mouth.

	The feeling of having his throbbing dick in my mouth was always a
welcome one. It didn't happen often, but when it happened, I relished
it. What Mason lacked in solid PR skills, he more than made up for as a
dutiful cock piece. On the rare occasion that I craved the touch of another
man, it was easy enough to entice him to swing down I-30 and oblige me.

	I sucked him deep, tasting his precum almost immediately. I
wondered what his wife would think about the side thing we had going. I
knew Devon's stance on the whole thing.

	What she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. We'd been through the
drill, time and time, again and we decided that instead of me burying that
side of myself, I would take care of things discreetly, carefully and
tastefully. She knew my attraction to guys going in, and she understood it
now; it had worked for us for two solid decades and things were fine.

	It didn't take an overpaid therapist to know that that was the
precise problem, however. Fine. My life was fine. My marriage was fine. My
career was fine. There was hardly a spark in any aspect of my life. I was
just simply fine. And fine is just fine until it isn't... well, fine
anymore.

	15 minutes of intense sucking later, I finally got a mouth full of
the sweet and sticky I craved from Mason. He zipped up with a smile and
went immediately back to rambling about the book. I'd been down this path
before, and it was my least favorite part.

	"I'll get the edits done and the editors off your back, Logs," I
said as I ushered him out of the office. "I'll call you next weekend?"

	"I'm out of town with the kids next weekend," he said, reading my
mind. He slipped his wedding ring back on as he walked towards his car as
nonchalantly as he put on a pair of sunglasses, and gave me a quick wave
off goodbye.

	That night, I bribed my kids to stay in and behave with pizza and
an instant download movie of their choice, choosing to ignore the fact that
it was Rated R and that Devon wouldn't have approved in a million
years. They were in the seventh and ninth grade, for crying out loud. At 13
and 15, I was watching way worse.

	"It's the ball and chain," Kyle greeted when I arrived at his high
rise bachelor pad in Victory Park, overlooking all of Dallas. He was a
stone throw away from the Reunion Tower and the wall to wall windows
provided a breathtaking view.

	"Shut up and get me a drink," I smiled. I gave him a hug and
scanned the room for Spencer. I was there to keep him company and that was
my only goal. I had no intention of rubbing shoulders with Dallas' elite
legal sector.

	"Is Sebastian coming?" I asked when I finally found Spencer, two
drinks in hand and giving eyes to a bartender.

       "He said he was, but I'm not sure. Last I heard, he and Britney were
in some sort of fight."

       "As usual," I replied. Kyle showed up with two Texas Teas.

       "Thanks," I said to him. I guzzled half the drink down in a
desperate attempt to erase the day. "Okay. 30 second catch up. Let's start
with you, Counselor."

       "Let's see, since I last saw you guys," Kyle began. "It's been work,
work and more work."

       "Tell your brother you're over it," Spencer said with a slurp of his
drink.

       "Working for Jason isn't the problem," Kyle said. "It's working with
Winston that's the problem. We're both going for partner, there's a ton of
baggage there. I mean, the only way to avoid him is to hole up in my
office."

       "And bill 300 dollars an hour," I chimed in. Kyle could have been
partner with one word to his brother, the founding partner and CEO of
Wriggs and Streck; however, he insisted on doing things the proper way, and
that meant competing with his on-again/off-again lover for the one partner
slot that year. It was why he'd thrown two schmoosefest cocktail parties in
as many weeks and it was why Spencer and I were supposed to be there
mingling and talking him up to the influential powers that be.

       "Well my life isn't quite as glamorous, you'll understand," Spencer
said. "Since I last saw you guys, I've been on two first dates and zero
second dates making my dating average a solid zero."

       "At least you have buckets and buckets of money to keep you warm at
night," I said with a smile. Spencer was by far the best off of any of
us. After graduation, he'd used his trust fund to invest in a couple of
alternative energy companies that sky rocketed and made him millions. He
wasn't the kind of guy that sought out to change the world with it,
either. He had fun with what he had, and that was enough for him.

       "You're right, that'll always be a good conciliation prize," he
smiled. They both looked at me.

       "My turn. School starts on Monday," I began. "Which is nerve
racking, but kind of exciting."

       "Awe, Professor Carpenter," Kyle joked.

       "And my editor at Knowles is being a pain in the ass with all of the
changes she wants to The List."

       "Why does she want changes? It's a true story," Spencer said,
standing straight. He was protective of our college sexploits freshman
year, and wasn't a fan of me dumbing it down for the mass media. I didn't
explain that I had made her changes up until the 17th chapter, where
working from that point on got incredibly difficult.

       I shrugged. I could have gone on and on about my lackluster marriage
despite the fact that I was a celebrated relationship expert with a column
in the Dallas Morning News and a best selling novel about reinvigorating
marriage during rough patches. Instead, I stopped there and spared my
friends the details.

       "Am I late?" Sebastian said behind me, joining the party just in
time to steal the spotlight from my sweating brow.

       "Just in time," I said, ready to pass the mic. "We're doing a 30
second catch up session."

       "Saved by the bell," Kyle whispered knowingly in my ear. Of the
three, he knew me the closest and he knew that things at home were gilded
at best. He could tell with one look at my face when I was leaving
something out.

       "I take it it's my turn," Sebastian said. "I made a pitch about
carbon retention maximization at Lockheed this week that I'm sure they're
going to take."

       "You lost me at pitch," Kyle yawned.

       "That's `cause we all know you love to catch," Sebastian joked. "And
Brit wants to get pregnant. Again."

       "Is that safe at her age?" Kyle asked quietly in my direction.

       "Aw, Baby Bass is going to be a daddy," Spencer said. I was always
surprised that the nickname Sebastian had hated when he and Spencer first
started hanging out, had stuck.

       "I dunno. She's been talking to my mom who always regretted only
having one kid, so she's on this kick now to give Mike a sibling," he
finished.

       "Mike is two shakes away from getting his driver's license and
leaving the pooch, he could care less about a baby brother," Kyle said
snarkily.

       "My thoughts exactly," Sebastian replied. "If she keeps talking
about it, I swear I'm getting my berry tickle snipped; now someone get me a
bourbon."

       Sebastian was the child of two affluent north Texas families and his
twenty year marriage to Britney Marks was the natural extension of
that. Nevermind that they fought like school children and were never on the
same page. None of us had thought it would last this long, but there they
were the most committed of us all.

       And there we were. Friends for 20 years with our share of ups and
down and more baggage than a 747 international cargo plane. I always felt
like D'Artagnan when I was around the three of them and they were my
musketeers.

       I got drunker and stayed out later than I had planned. By the time I
made it home to my vanilla house and my vanilla life, my phone had died. I
peeked around the house and both the kids were asleep. Devon barely stirred
when I pulled the covers over. She had another seminar session in cosmetic
dentistry the following day and she was out like a light. Being drunk and
horny, I decided to see if she'd wake up for a quickie.

       "Hey honey," I said climbing into bed and spooning her from behind.

       "Hey, Cooper," she yawned. "How was your day?"

       "Busy," I said. "How was yours?"

       "Exhausting," she said with another yawn. Her yawning made me tired
and any urge I had to copulate before drained out of my body just by being
in bed with Sleepy, the sixth dwarf. I kissed her on the forehead, turned
around and counted sheep until I fell asleep.

       Sunday was a special kind of awful. I spent the day getting the kids
ready for their first day of school while simultaneously trying to prepare
all of my crap for my first lecture. Technically, I wouldn't be teaching
anything on syllabus day and I had all of my notes laid out for the first
half of the term, but I still wanted to go over my intro to LGBT Literature
and my Seminar on Creative Writing. SMU was paying for a celebrity
professor and I was determined to deliver the goods.

       After a full day of clothes shopping with Liz, supply shopping at
Target with CJ, laundry, ironing and calling in a favor at St. Mark's to
get CJ moved to the nicer seventh grade teacher, I was more than exhausted
and nothing Devon could have griped about from her seminar would have made
me pity her.

       I made sure the kids were in bed at ten and then I sat around
watching TV in my boxers, determined to stay awake until my wife got home
so that we could have sex for the first time in three weeks. Instead, I
dozed off to the second round of CNN news updates.

       I was awoken by my cell phone vibrating next to me. Thinking it had
to be Devon calling to say she was on her way home, I answered it without
looking at the front screen.

       "Hey babe," I said sleepily.

       "I've waited a million years to hear you say that to me," a familiar
voice said on the other line. It wasn't Devon. The voice belonged to a man
I'd almost forgotten about. A man I'd filed away a million years before
because he'd broken my heart and never looked back. A man who nagged at the
back of my brain every day, without fail.

       "Chase," I said into the phone.

        Chase Pallendrino.

**Feeling titillated? I'd like to hear about it! Like I said, I appreciate
all feedback, so please drop me a line at jwolf24450@gmail.com. More to
come from The Funny Thing Is... soon.