Date: Sun, 20 Apr 2003 08:12:27 +0100 (BST)
From: Philippe <nifty_pad@yahoo.com>
Subject: THE PAD: Chapter 2 & 3
This is a work of fiction. Any similarity to reality is purely
coincidental. It will eventually contain sexual acts between men, however
it focuses more on the story of two consenting men. If gay sex is illegal
in your area, or you are a minor, or you just don't like queer sex (what
are you doing in this site to begin with?) then read no more. Comments,
questions, and ideas are more than welcome and would be truly appreciated.
They will also be responded to. Kindly send it to nifty_pad@yahoo.com. And
since this is my first attempt at writing, please be kind. Thanks.
Chapter II
"What happened?! What's wrong?," Alex asked. I was blowing my nose
as I opened the door, my eyes red and puffy. It's obvious that I've been
crying.
"O, nothing. I'm just watching 'A Walk in the Clouds.'"
Alex looked at me incredulously. "How many times do you have to watch
that film? Keanu's terrible there. It's a wonder you finished it the
first time, but to watch it over and over again." he drifted shaking his
head.
"Hey. I like this film. Besides, who cares about Keanu's acting?
He's so cute. I can watch this film over and over again. You do know that
this is the film that -"
"Yeah, yeah. That gave you your first homosexual love life. I've
heard this a million times already. Now. let's see. what do you wanna have
for dinner?"
"O shut up! And you are not cooking dinner 'cause I'm not washing the
dishes. I'll cook. You wash. Me cook. Me hate wash. Understand?"
"Don worry. We cook. You. Me. I help you. And I wash dishes."
"Well in that case, we won't have any problems. So, why are you still
standing there? Start chopping the vegetables already!' I tell him in a
mock bossy tone.
"Boy, are you lucky to have Me." said Alex, still sporting his
devilish grin.
"Yeah. I know. Thanks. I wouldn't know what I'd do without you," I
replied, breaking the jovial atmosphere.
"Don't worry. I'm lucky too. If not for you, I would be eating an
unlimited amount of carbohydrates and sleeping in some dump called a
dormitory. Plus, I wouldn't have a little brother to tease." With that he
took his fist and brought it to my chin.
"Little brother? Ei, I'm older than you. And from the looks of it,
you're the one who's little." I said to him, while I looked at his crotch
area.
"Ha. Whatever you say. Now, move over, before I show you that you're
the smaller one."
"Really? Well, in that case, I might just stay and hang around for a
while."
"Now, why did I say that? I knew that was the wrong thing to say,"
asked Alex, shaking his smiling face.
While we were eating steaks - mine medium rare, his well done - I
asked him what his plans are for this weekend. Since I came out to him,
almost a month ago, we have spent two weekends just lying around at home,
watching movies on cable or from my DVD collection. And since we went home
last weekend, our parents aren't searching for us yet.
"Why? What's up?"
"Well, I was planning on bringing over some of my friends, just a
small quiet dinner."
He looked at me funny and he got what I wanted to say.
"Say it first."
"What? Say what? I swear, I don't know what you're talking about."
"Say: 'Alex, I need your help. You're the best cook here. Will you
please help me out prepare my dinner?'"
"I do not NEED your help. I just WANT it. There's a distinction.
And you certainly are not the best cook here. Jeez, talk about an
egotistical narcissist."
"In that case then, I can't help you. Maybe I'll just go to Blue Dogs
and find myself a new gay flat mate." Blue Dogs is the well-known gay bar,
I've been there on several occasions and Alex has heard about my escapades
there.
"Ok. Fine. Alex, I need your help. I need someone to help me cook
dinner and to wash the dishes after." I say in a sarcastic tone. "Oh, and
I need to borrow some money as well. I think Mom's still pissed about me
not coming to my cousin's party, so she has stopped my miscellaneous
allowance. I have yet to talk to my dad about that."
"Really? Well, I'll tell you what, Ence. I'll lend you the money,
and I'll help cook, but I won't wash the dishes. Plus, you'll have to
introduce me to your friends." He has started calling me Ence, which I
admit, I find endearing.
"What? Shit. Well, ok. I'll get someone else to wash the plates
then. And of course I'll introduce you to my friends. I want them to meet
my domestic partner." With that, he threw a piece of his steak at me and
it landed on my forehead, which consequently, started the food fight.
~~*~~
The menu consisted of Coconut-Curry in Bread Bowls, Grilled Lamb Chops
with Mint Jelly and, Tiramisu and Quiche aux Fruits de Mer for desert. Of
course I also had several salads to choose from. And Aunt Nikki dropped by
the day earlier to drop off several bottles of red wine. She insists that
we both drink at least a glass per meal, at most 2. She's a firm believer
in red wine's ability to reduce heart attacks and other diseases.
I had invited over five of my closest friends, Charlotte - a wild and
energetic woman who won't keep mum about anything; John - one of the first
people to know about me in college, and one whom I regard as a closet case
himself; Will - regarded as one of the hottest men on campus and rightfully
so; Geoff - a loud homosexual kid in a grown man's body; and lastly, Nicole
- the most creative lesbian alive, not to mention the bitchiest.
Save for John, who called saying that he will be late, we were all
gathered in the dining room, eating the undeniably sumptuous meal prepared
by Alex.
"This is really great. I mean God, Alex, how do you keep that fit
when Lawrence cooks like this?" intoned Charlotte after having a taste of
Alex's specialty -- grilled lamb chops.
"Thanks Lottie, but, it was Alex who did the lamb chops." I clarified.
"O, no wonder you're looking plump." said Charlotte, looking at me in
feigned disgust.
"Hey, let's not forget that Lawrence is the host. Besides, he's not
fat. He just needs to lose around 80 pounds." chipped Will.
"Geez, thanks Will. I'll keep that in mind next time you try to copy
my answers." I said.
"Well, if Alex won't let you copy his papers Will, you can always come
to me..." joined Geoff, continuing flirting at Will. They are usually like
this, Geoff unabashedly seducing Will and Will, desperately trying to
ignore his comments.
"The only thing he'll get from you, honey, is crabs. And I don't mean
the ones with pincers." retorted Nicole, getting the "Ewwwww!'s" from the
group, and dagger looks from Geoff.
"So where is that John Doe?" Charlotte asked me.
"Maybe he's still searching for the key to his closet." quipped
Nicole.
"Nikki, that's mean!" I responded. "He's not gay, at least not yet.
Until he's ready, let's just all pretend to believe him. He called earlier
to say that he was gonna late, just had to visit a friend who's in the
hospital. He'll be here soon."
"Anyone we know?" Charlotte asked still.
Everyone just shrugged their shoulders in response; save for Will who
seems to can't get enough of my Chicken Mandarin Salad.
"That reminds me. Have you guys heard about what happened? Jay, or
something that starts with a J, was stabbed last night while he was leaving
the parking lot at school. Rumor has it that he was shagging a guy who
wanted to call it quits, but wouldn't let him go. So now he's in ICU.
Darn too bad. I heard he's cute, so if he wanted some baby to shag, why
didn't he just come up to me? I would have taken care of all his needs."
said Geoff in that singsong-y tone of his.
"We all know that Geoff. You'd shag anything with a hole." retorted
Nicole, shaking her head.
"Actually, not anything. I wouldn't do you, even if you begged for
it. But I wouldn't mind Will here or Alex..." quipped Geoff.
"Thank God for that." retorted Nicole.
"Hey, leave Alex alone. He's already taken. Isn't that right,
Lawrence?" asked Will. Now I'm turning beet red. I know that Alex is
comfortable enough with me, but with this kind of teasing, I wasn't so sure
what would happen. So I kicked Will in the shins.
"Oww. Okay. I get the message." Said Will, as he bent down to rub
his leg.
"Nah, its ok. It's no secret that Ence has feelings for me. I've
long known he wants to "shag" me." joked Alex, much to everyone's amazement
and delight. Now that Alex has shown that he's comfortable with my
friends, with me and us, then I relaxed and joined the remarks myself.
"Haha very funny. Last I remember, you were parading in your thongs
last night trying to seduce me."
"What? He was in thongs? Dear God, I'm feeling light-headed,
Lawrence, can I stay the night? Preferably in Alex's room?" responded
Geoff holding his head in his hands.
"Thanks Lawrence. Now you've just taken me off from Geoff's wish
list." Said Will.
"Awwww. Don't be jealous, Will. I promise that right after I have
Alex, I'll free your Willy."
Everybody laughed at this, save Geoff who was twirling his fork in his
mouth, alternately looking at Will and Alex.
When dinner was done, we all sat around the table, eating dessert and
continuing our easy banter. It was only then that John walked in, wearing
a very pained expression.
"Hey, what took you so long? Is everything all right?" I asked.
"Well not really. My friend's still in the ICU. The next 24 hours
are very crucial according to the doctors."
"O, honey. What happened? And who's this friend?" asked Lottie,
rubbing John's back with her hand.
"It's my fencing partner - Jason. He and his roommate were stabbed by
someone he dated...uhm... I can't remember the name. His roommate's lucky.
He just got it in his shoulder. But Jason's pretty messed up."
"Is this the parking lot incident last night? Is it true that the
stabber wanted to break up with Jason but Jason didn't want to? So he
stabbed him?" asked Geoff, ever the inquisitor.
"No! That's totally not the story. Jason went out with this guy
twice, and he broke up with him. The guy, o, Michael is his name.., wanted
to keep the relationship. Jason talked to him last night to stop him from
harassing him any further and Michael just stabbed him. His roommate saw
the entire thing from the car. He was stabbed as well when he tried to
help Jason. The police now are looking for this Michael guy."
I felt the blood being drained out of me when I heard this. I
instinctively looked at Alex, who was looking at me, clearly alarmed.
"Don't worry darling. I'm sure they'll catch that jerk and lock him
up for good." comforted Lottie.
"I wouldn't exactly count on it. Let's face it. Our criminal justice
system here sucks big time. They couldn't possibly catch this guy even if
he walked out to the police station himself." countered the cynic of the
group, Nicole.
"Come on. Since there's nothing we can do right now for Jason, why
don't you eat up and try to relax? Try this salad. It's one of the best
I've ever tasted." offered Will. With that, the subject of Michael and
Jason was closed for the remainder of the dinner. We all hang around and
shared some life stories and laughed our hearts out. Alex got perfectly
with my friends, but every time I'd look up, I would catch him warily
looking at me.
When I stepped out of the bath wearing only my boxer shorts, I found
Alex lying on my bed. He was in his boxer briefs as well, sleeping. I
slowly walked to the other side of my bed and carefully lied down beside
him. I was about to drift off, when I felt Alex's arm, hold me. He was
lying on his side and his arm was across my chest, hugging me. I looked at
him slowly and he caringly stared back at me. After some time, he spoke
softly.
"I called up Uncle Robert. He'll send someone from his company
tomorrow to install some security measures."
"Alex, we don't have to worry. He won't be coming here. He's on the
run now. Probably already in some far flung place."
"We can't be too sure. You know how scared I was when I heard John
say that it was Michael?"
"We're not even sure that it's the same Michael."
"We both know that it is, Ence. Do you know how lucky you are? It
could have been you. Let's just take the necessary precautions, k? It'll
make me feel safer."
"Ok. I'll take care of it tomorrow."
"No. I wanna do this for you. And promise me that you'll be
careful." With that I felt him hug me tighter, I didn't know how to
respond to this, so I just looked down at him until he drifted off to
sleep. I just savored the moment, of our closeness together, the feel of
his body next to mine, and most of all, the feeling of security.
"I love you Alex." I said softly before I closed my eyes.
~~*~~
A week later, we heard on the news that Michael was caught while
trying to sneak in the hospital room. He apparently had a change of heart
and said he wanted to see Jason and tell him how he really felt. Despite
what he had done, we couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He was
obviously mentally disturbed. Alex, on the other hand, was still clearly
affected by the entire situation. He said that Michael deserved to rot in
prison for the remainder of his life. His crime was unchanged for him. He
had already inflicted the damage that he had done, and "repentance ain't
gona make it all better." We had a big argument over this.
I believe that his remorse, should be a factor in the sentencing, at
the very least. He should be given a lesser punishment, in my opinion.
Alex and I debated on this issue for days 'til I decided to drop it and let
it go when I heard him spat out in anger: "It could have been you, damn
it."
~~*~~
Chapter III
Through the friend of a friend, I had met someone that I quite fancy.
He's a little taller than me, more like Alex's height, around 5'11". He
has a great body and the face of a kid who lives next door. He even wears
eyeglasses when he rushes to school and forgets his contacts, which is
often the case. What I really like about him is his accent - he studied in
England for three years, and I just find his voice totally sexy. Since his
family lives around 45 minutes from school, he still stays with them.
Tonight would be our third night and if everything goes well, he'll be
staying over. I'm pretty excited about that - it would be our first time
to do it, totally unlike me.
Alex has already met Luke when he brought me home from our second
date. We had coffee, the three of us and he seems to like him. Although,
I can't quite get my finger on it, but Alex seems reserved, to say the
least whenever Luke is around. I've talked to him about bringing a date
back to the pad and he said that he would prefer that than me sleeping over
at someone's place. So we're pretty cool about it already.
"Alex, can you help me out here, please?" I shouted as he's in the
living room watching CNN.
"What's up?"
"Which do you think is better? A t-shirt over my new jeans or a
polo?" I asked. I have been searching for almost an hour for the right
thing to wear and I still can't decide. I'm very nervous about this date.
Although Luke and I haven't actually verbalized that this would be the
night that we'd shag, to quote Geoff, it's pretty darn obvious. Plus, I
really like Luke. He's totally different from all the men I've dated
before. Okay, not totally, but he's such a great guy, so I don't want to
fuck this up.
"It doesn't matter. If he really likes you, he won't care even if
you're not wearing anything."
"Well, that's the point, Lex, for me to wear something nice that would
entice him to see me wearing nothing later."
"Choose this." He said picking up the nearest shirt he could find.
It's the tie-dyed shirt which I bought simply because it was the in thing
at that time. I haven't actually worn it and I'm not planning to.
"O, you are simply useless. Never mind." I said, irritation and
panic evident in my tone.
"Ence, you'll look good in anything, trust me. And if he doesn't
wanna see your birthday suit later, he doesn't know what his missing." He
said in a sincere tone.
"Thanks Lex, for the morale booster, but that doesn't really solve
anything. I still don't know what to wear... Aha! What do you think of
this?" I asked, holding a white semi-fit shirt with black prints on it.
The prints form an X and appear to be spray painted.
Once I have finally decided on what to wear - a soft gray polo that my
mom got me from Thailand, and a black pair of pants that emphasizes my
ass-ets - I anxiously sat in the living room with Alex watching CNN. He
just sat there quietly though, apparently absorbed in the news. Fifteen
minutes later, the ocean waves erupted and I casually opened the door.
"Damn, you look hot." were his first words.
"You ain't so bad yourself." I almost forgot how hot he looked. His
tight shirt shows off his pecs and his nipple piercing. He went closer and
our lips locked for more than a minute.
"How's it going Alex?" he asked.
"Hi, Luke."
"Shall we go then?" asked Luke. After I said goodbye to Alex, Luke
and I headed to my favorite oysters bar. We had Spicy Oysters in Lemon
Sauce and Blanquette De Veau for appetizers, for the main dish, we had
Classic Chicken Marsala and Cioppino. During entire time, I just couldn't
help but look at the man I'm having dinner with. I am darn lucky.
"Care to share what's on your mind?" he asked.
"Nah, I was just thinking of what we'll do later when we get
back. what are we going to watch? Schindler's List or something inane as
Zoolander?" I asked, feigning innocence.
"Who said we're going to watch a movie? I only want to look at one
thing." he responded teasingly as he slowly touched my hand with his
fingers. I just smiled at this, my mind eagerly filling up with thoughts
of our first night together.
"Do you want dessert?" I asked after we had finished our meals.
"Sure I want dessert. Not here though. What do you say we leave this
place?"
"I'll get the bill."
As I was driving back to the pad, Luke placed his hand on my right leg
and was slowly caressing it.
"You better stop that if you want to get there in one piece." I said,
my breaths already becoming quicker.
"That reminds me. I have something for you." He said as he reached in
the back seat. I noticed that he was carrying a paper bag earlier, but I
wasn't really paying much attention.
"What is it?" I excitedly asked.
"It's three bottles of body chocolate. I got this in the States last
summer." With that, he opened one bottle and dipped his finger on it,
which he brought to my lips. I licked the chocolate of it and made "mmmm."
sounds.
"Wait 'til you see what else I dip into it later." He teasingly said
to me as he pulled my face to his, giving me a full blown kiss. The old
woman in the car beside us was openly gawking at us. She was obviously
agitated by what she witnessed, as she kept on pointing us to her
driver. Seeing this, Luke smiled at her and waved, before he brought his
head to my crotch. I went for the ride and leaned my head back, my eyes
closed, and opened my mouth as if I was moaning loudly. Just then, the
signal light turned green, forcing me to continue driving. With his head
on my lap, Luke, playfully bit on my jeans and on my hard on. He did this
until we finally went back.
The pad was quiet as a tomb when we got back. I just assumed that
Alex had already fallen asleep earlier than usual. I went to the kitchen
and grabbed 2 glasses, a spoon and the white wine that I had already
chilled earlier. When I got to my room, Luke was already in his underwear,
and boy, that was some sight to behold. He was wearing a black thong, that
cupped his package well. He was grinning from ear to ear when he saw my
eyes widen at the sight of his thong. God he was gorgeous. His chest is
just beyond words; his body is simply breath taking. Just looking at him
and his nipple ring makes me hard.
"Like what you see?" he teased.
"Ask me that again in the morning. I'll have your answer by then." I
replied, teasing him.
"Why don't you give me those, and start taking your clothes off. I
have plans for you." He said winking. After I took off my shirt and jeans,
leaving me with my boxer shorts, he laid me down on bed and started a
massaging my body. I couldn't help but moan as I felt his warm hands
caress my body. Then, he placed his mouth on top of mine and started
kissing me passionately. I felt his tongue explore my mouth. We just laid
there hugging and kissing each other for more than a minute until he broke
off.
"Close your eyes." He whispered into my ear as he slowly nibbled on
it. As my eyes were closed, I felt a warm sticky liquid being applied on
my nipples and following my treasure trail, all the way to the garter of my
shorts. Luke's mouth and tongue soon licked the chocolate off and my moans
grew louder.
"Ohhh. O God." I let out. His tongue knew exactly what it was doing.
I felt my nipples harden with each lick and caress of his tongue. In turn,
he was making slurping and 'mmmm' sounds. He licked all the chocolate off
my body and he slowly pulled off the garter of my shorts using his teeth.
I lifted my body to help him pull it off, making my dick slap him in the
face. He took a spoonful of the chocolate and slowly covered my hard dick
and balls with it. I looked at him, eagerly awaiting his next action when
he smiled deviously at me and went down, licking the head first. His
tongue expertly removed all the chocolate and I can see his mouth being
covered with the dark chocolate.
When he finished licking, he pointed my chocolate covered dick into
his mouth and deep-throated me. I have never felt anything like it before.
God he was good! My moans were becoming louder and louder as I felt myself
building up. Sensing my intensity, he increased his speed; his head moving
sideways as he went up and down my shaft. With a loud scream, I exploded
into his mouth, my juices flowing spilling into my body. At that point, I
didn't care if Alex heard us.
After a few minutes of recovery, I took the wine glass from Luke and
started kissing him. I could feel the taste of the chocolate, my cum and
of the wine in his mouth. My tongue explored his mouth as I grabbed the
chocolate bottle from my side table. I applied a liberal amount of it on
his chest and nipple areas, almost totally covering his entire chest. I
licked it up slowly, gently biting into his skin as I made my way. When I
reached his nipple, Luke, instantly started wriggling. This was obviously
an erogenous zone for him. I twirled the nipple ring around my mouth and I
tugged at it gently with my teeth. He let out a loud moan as I continued
to tease his nipple.
When I had finished all the chocolate from his chest, I slowly made my
way to his belly area. I love the smoothness of his skin. And despite the
chocolate, I can still smell his scent. I gently bit on his cock covered
by the black satin thong. I used my teeth to scratch and nibble on it.
"God, do it. Eat me. I can't wait any longer." moaned Luke. With
that, I pulled the thong off and I scooped a handful of chocolate and
jacked it on his dick. When it was fully covered, I used my tongue to lick
it up and down. Every time I passed by the underside of his head and
shaft, Luke involuntarily would squirm and moan louder. So I grabbed his
cock and pulled it into mouth, just gently sucking on it and using my
tongue to play with his underside ridge. I could sense that he was getting
close as his legs kept on moving and as his moans were getting louder and
louder. He kept repeating, "O baby, suck me baby. Yeah, baby." I knew
that he was getting closer to the edge so I quickened my pace. In just a
few more seconds, I felt a gush of hot liquid flood my mouth and in that
instant Luke shook the room with a loud "Ahhhhhh!" I knew that Alex would
have surely heard our cries of passion, and I instantly felt bad.
As I laid down beside him, drinking our wine, Luke asked me out of the
blue if he was better at it than Alex. I nearly choked on my drink and
looked at him incredulously. I didn't know what to say.
"Luke, Alex is straight." I told him.
"Yeah, sure. And I didn't swallow your load." He replied
sarcastically.
"No, Luke. He really is straight. And even if he isn't, I wouldn't
the answer to your question 'cause we have never had sex." I told him as
nicely as I could. I don't understand how this topic started.
"Whatever, babe. Just make sure that I don't catch you fucking him,
k? Sorry but I'm not into open relationships." he retorted in a
matter-of-factly manner. I was already started to get pissed.
"Well, neither am I. What gave you the impression that Alex and I are
fucking? Alex is my best friend; he's like a brother to me. And there's
nothing going on between us." I spat at him. I can feel the blood rushing
to my face.
"Hey, there's no need to get mad here. I'm just saying that I notice
the way he looks at you and he hates my guts. Listen, I'm sorry, ok? Why
don't we kiss and make up?" he reached over and kissed me tenderly. What
did he mean the way Alex looked at me?
"Ready for round two?" he asked wickedly, as if nothing had happened.
"No. I'm tired. Let's get some sleep first."
When I woke up, Luke had already left and I was already late for my
only class today, so I just decided to spend the entire day at home. Alex
only had a single morning class today so I'm expecting him to be home
anytime soon. I cleaned my room and changed the sheets. I wanted to clean
up the place but with Alex around, there's nothing or very little left for
me to do. He wakes up very early every morning, even on Sundays, and
starts cleaning the place already. I told him several times that I want to
help out but he just dismisses it.
After I had taken my bath, Alex came in. He was wearing one of his
Dave Michaels shirt, something that I know he wouldn't wear to class.
Plus, he didn't have his bag with him. I knew that he didn't come from
class.
"Where have you been?" I asked.
"At Will's. We had a couple of beers last night so I stayed over.
Didn't want to disturb you and Luke." he replied nonchalantly. Since both
of our parents have a habit of dropping by unexpectedly, we have made a
rule to let the other person know where he is every time, so we can cover
each other's asses. Okay, I benefit from this more than he does, as he
never seems to go out, but nonetheless, it's a rule that applied to us
both.
"O. You should have told me. I thought something had happened to
you." I said to him in a concerned tone.
"Yeah, sorry bout that." He replied without looking at me. He went
straight to his bedroom without another word. I didn't want to be paranoid,
but I was sensing that something was wrong. I couldn't get my finger on it
but Alex was acting differently. I wanted to follow him into his room but
I knew I shouldn't, so I decided to just let things be and talk to him
later if need be.
I decided to order lunch form our favorite Chinese restaurant, and I
ordered 2 Sharks Fin Dumplings, and Steamed Fish with Mixed Vegetables, and
Fried Pigeons; For Alex, I got what he always ordered - 2 orders of Shrimp
Dumplings, Beef Wanton Noodles, and Bird's Nest Soup. After 40 minutes,
Carl, the delivery man, was ringing our bell.
"Alex, food's here. Lunch is ready." I shouted to him, as he still
hasn't come out of his room. He went to join me shortly and he seemed to
be his normal self again.
"So what did I miss at Will's last night?" I asked, really wondering
what prompted him to go there all of a sudden.
"Nothing much, really. I helped him in his paper and he brought me a
couple of beers. More than a couple actually. Don't tell me you missed me
last night?" he was definitely back to his usual playful self.
"You bet. I wanted someone to clean my room last night..." I teased
him back.
"So what are those? Stool samples?" asked Alex, referring to the three
bottles of body chocolate I left on the kitchen island.
"Don't be gross. Luke's gifts, body chocolates." I said while eating
my fried pigeon.
"Three? You do know what that means, right?"
"What? I - Like - You?"
"Worse. It means, he's pretty serious about you. Otherwise, he would
have simply given you a bottle."
"That's why I like you, Alex. You see things that normal people don't
usually notice. I just thought that... Honestly, I haven't given it a
thought. Well, that's good I guess. Finally, I can settle down." I
smirked at him.
"No, you won't Ence. You're not the type." He said, looking at me.
"Hey! What the hell's that supposed to mean?!" I asked him, totally
taken by his comment. "Are you saying that I can't commit? That I'm
promiscuous?"
"No, of course, not. uhm... never mind. By the way, can you help me
with the paper I'm doing? I'm writing a piece on the 'evolution of the
politics of human sexuality.' Do you mind if I ask you some questions
about it later?" he smiled at me his 'puppy smile,' and all my questions
melted away.
After our lunch, we settled on the living room and I was just flipping
through the channels when Alex came into the room carrying his notepad and
pencil and sat opposite me. I teased him that all he needs is an
unfashionable vest with gazillions of pockets and he'd be a real journalist
already.
"So Sir Lawrence Gabriel, what is your sexual orientation?" he asked
me in a strict, formal voice.
"I - am - a - homosexual." I answered mimicking a robot's voice. We
both laughed at this.
"Uhm, since when would you say that you were a homosexual?" his voice
becoming normal.
"Since I can remember, I guess. I mean, I've had girlfriends when I
was younger, if that's what you're asking."
"You have? You didn't tell me this." he asked in a
hurt/amazed/confused tone.
"Yup. Back when I was in primary school, around 7 or 8. I had this
girl best friend whom I really liked and we used to hang out a lot and one
time we kissed. She leaned over or I leaned over, anyway, we kissed each
other. And from then on, we were a couple. It was my first venture into
the world of relationships."
"So what happened?"
"Uhm, nothing. We grew apart. Both our families moved somewhere else
and we just lost touch."
"Have you had any other girlfriends since then?"
"Actually, I've had one other girlfriend whom I might consider as a
serious relationship. At least at that time it was. I was in first year
high school then. Katrina. We lasted for a year and believe it or not, we
had sex."
"You had s-sex?" he was clearly surprised by this. "Do - Do you mean,
S-sex like fornication... intercourse?"
"Yes Alex. I mean sex as the physical activity involving the penis
and the vagina. Don't sound so shocked. It's not a physical impossibility
you know." I quipped, somewhat feeling insulted at his amazement.
"I'm sorry... I... just... didn't think..." his voice trailed off...
"So what happened?" he said when regained his senses.
"It was obviously not my cup of tea, as you have clearly pointed
out... I mean, I think I was infatuated with her brother even..." I
laughed, remembering the thought.
"So anyway, I told her that I'm gay and thankfully she said it was
pretty evident. I mean, we only did it twice I guess in a year, and it
took a lot of convincing from her for us to actually do it. So I think she
figured it all along."
"But you knew that you were gay all along?"
"Sort of. I'm not too sure if it's the same for everybody but even
when I was young, I would hang out more with girls... or with guys that I
really fancied. I know it's very stereotypical, but I wasn't really into
sports. I'm not saying that if you're not into physical activities, you're
already gay. But in my case, that's how it was. Whenever I'd see a cute
guy, my head would turn. And I wanted him. Not to be him, but to be 'with'
him."
"What made you realize this?"
"Hey, aren't you supposed to be writing this down?" I asked. In
response, he simply pointed to his head. I smirked and continued, "Well,
there wasn't really a catalyst that shook my world... After I broke up
with Katrina, a few months later, my classmate and I got together. That
was after we watched the movie -"
"A walk in the clouds." he finished my sentence. "But it's a straight
love story."
"Yeah, so?" I countered. "Love is a universal language, Sir Alexander
the Great., O, did you know that he's gay? Alexander the Great, I mean."
"Yeah, I've heard. So when you had this relationship with your
classmate, what made it different? I mean, did anything click and tell you
that this is who you are?"
"Being gay is not who I am, Alex, in the same way that being straight
isn't who you simply are."
"You know what I mean." He insisted.
"Hmmm.... well, I guess it was just the realization that there's
nothing wrong in being gay. That it's as natural and normal as being a
heterosexual. That's what clicked, as you put it."
"But what I wanna know is... When.... uhm... Okay. I guess what I'm
asking is, did you already know that you were gay before or during you had
your straight relationships?"
"Not really. I mean, I didn't exactly start labeling myself when I
was young. At that time, I just did what felt comfortable for me. I just
did what felt right, I guess. When my classmate and I got together, I had
a momentary confusion but that was it. I mean, I knew that I owed it to
myself to find out whether that could have worked or not."
"O....umm, so do you think homosexuality is a choice?"
"There's a big debate on this, actually, as well as the cause of
sexual orientation. But to answer your question: no, I don't think that
it's a choice. Hence, I use the term sexual orientation and not
preference. I mean, why would anyone in their sane minds go against not
just the conventional wisdom, but against the conventional norm? Why would
anyone choose to be marginalized and oppressed? Because let's face it,
being a 'fag' is still not a socially accepted 'lifestyle'."
"You're pretty passionate about this, huh?"
"I just hate it when people assume that I chose this. I mean, did you
choose to be 5'11." Did you choose to be straight? Of course not. In as
much as I love who and what I am, I would not choose to be gay if I could
be straight."
"Ok. Let me play the devil's advocate here. Some people say that
being gay is a choice because one can still marry and have kids even if
they're gay."
"But is that better? To live a life of lies? To delude not just your
wife and kids but even yourself? I don't think so. Coming out is a
choice. Telling your parents is a choice. But not being gay. It's who
you are. To have the courage to stand up for who you are is a choice and a
virtue."
"Speaking of coming out, how was yours?"
"Since I only came out to my close friends initially, it wasn't really
that bad. They all handled it pretty well. I guess they all knew even
before I did or told them. Just like you did." He gave me a smile that
melted my heart when he heard this....
"How about your parents? I mean, do you plan to tell them?"
"Of course, Lex. Although if you come to think of it, I shouldn't
have to, I mean, did you tell your parents that you are straight? But in
our case, it's different.
"I plan to tell them soon... I guess I'm just summoning up the
courage.... It's not easy you know. Indirectly I know that I will be
disappointing them... That's what I'm tried to avoid all these years, and
yet, I know that the day will come when I will shatter all their
expectations of me... the day when I see not pride but disappointment
whenever they look at their only child..." my voice drifting off as lumps
form in my throat.
"Ence, I'm sure that when the time comes, when you're ready, you're
parents will still see the wonderful person that you have become, as I
have. And gay or straight, they are pretty damn proud of you." He said
this with all sincerity and love, that before I knew it, my eyes swelled up
with tears.
~~*~~