Date: Thu, 24 Apr 2003 16:21:32 +0100 (BST)
From: Philippe <nifty_pad@yahoo.com>
Subject: The Pad: Chapter 6

     This is a work of fiction.  Any similarity to reality is purely
coincidental.  It will eventually contain sexual acts between men, however
it focuses more on the story of two consenting men.  If gay sex is illegal
in your area, or you are a minor, or you just don't like queer sex (what
are you doing in this site to begin with?) then read no more. Comments,
questions, and ideas are more than welcome and would be truly appreciated.
They will also be responded to. Kindly send it to nifty_pad@yahoo.com.
Thanks to everybody who has emailed me and urged me to go on.  I really,
really appreciate it.


					Chapter VI

	 The days passed with a screaming hollowness.  I did everything I
could to forget my loss and yet it seemed that I were merely in auto-pilot.
Doing things simply for the purpose of passing the time... losing touch of
the meaning behind everything.  I have even stopped cooking, the way I used
to...  It was just too painful to create meals knowing that I would be the
only one to savor them.  Okay, I know I'm sounding too melodramatic here,
but that was how things were for me.

	I have received three emails from Alex already.  Telling me that he
hasn't yet finally settled back there... that he missed my cooking and my
shallow sense of humor.  After our kiss, I have pretended that nothing was
wrong and that things were still the way they were.  I acted in the same
manner yet the cloud of guilt was hanging over my head everywhere I went.
I can't believe I did it.  I can't believe I kissed the only straight man
that mattered so much to me.

	Yes, I admit.  I've been looking forward to that moment ever since
I first shook his hand, but for crying out loud, Alex has become more like
a brother to me, and me to him.  Granted that I would consider incest
anytime of the day with him, I still can't believe I did it.  I broke the
trust that he has unconditionally given me.

	When he has finally left, it was only then that I felt the full
impact of what I had done.  To be honest, I feared that he would never want
to return back here, if things don't go well in Australia, that is.  I'm
scared that he'd think I'm just another fag who wants to get in his pants.

	When I talked to Geoff and Nicole about it, they both told shouted
at me and told me to grow up.  Geoff said that if Alex didn't want it to
happen, then he should have never put me in that place to begin with, that
Alex on some level wanted it to happen...  Nicole, on the other hand, told
me that if he didn't want it, then he should have smacked my face right
away, and not email me thrice.  They both said that since he was cool with
it, then why shouldn't I be?

	So without thinking clearly, I wrote him an email.

Alex,

I received all of your mails -- all three of them -- and the reason
why I didn't write back is because I feel guilty about what happened.  I
feel ashamed for having placed you into a situation I know you weren't
comfortable with.

I'm so sorry I kissed you.  It was just a momentary thing wherein I lost my
sense of judgment.  Please don't think that I've simply been wanting to get
in your pants all these time.  I hope you know that that is not the case.
Again, I'm really sorry.  I hope this doesn't change us.

Now that that's said... It's great to hear that Australia is treating you
well, most especially Jennifer.  Please tell her that if she breaks your
heart one more time, I'll rip hers off and stuff it in her ass.  (I'm
serious, I want you to tell her that.)

I'm really, really glad that you're happy there. I really am, I swear.
It's still feels weird not having you around the pad, though... it's a big
mess now!  I got a maid who comes in every morning to clean the place up
and she just doesn't know what to do.  (Last time, she placed all the vases
in one corner of the room, saying that they look messy placed in different
areas!)

Don't worry though, I'm doing great.  O, I talked to Luke a couple of days
ago and guess what?  The fool wants to get back!  He was begging for my
forgiveness as he put it.  As I always say, fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.  So I told him nicely to go back to Jack and
his pink thong... I know, it's kindda lame and once I got home I thought of
a million wittier things to say, but at that moment, creativity failed me.
O well, at least I told him something.

Have to go now and do nothing.  Give my regards to Jennifer.

Miss you everyday,

Ence

P.S. By the way, Will says that you should check the new Range Rover.
Nicole says that if things become bad, you not only can come back here, but
that you should.  And Geoff, wants a picture of a kangaroo (?!), or of any
hot males out there.

XXX

PPS.  Just a follow-up on what Nicole said, if things do turn out
differently, know that I still have an extra room that hasn't been
occupied, and from the looks of it, won't be for a long time.


						~~*~~

 	Later that night, I received a response:

Ence,

Finally!  You dumb wit!  Don't you scare me that way again.  I've been
trying to call you since I got here but no one's picking up...  You really
got me worried there... I even called up Will and he told me that he saw
you and you seemed okay, which scared me all the more...  Don't ask why.

Don't worry about what happened, Ence.  It didn't change us and it won't.
I never thought of you as someone who just wanted to get into my
pants... and I don't think I'll ever will.  We're cool.  Now, stop thinking
about it.

I told Jen what you said, and she said 'it would be the last thing she'll
do.'  I must admit that she has changed a lot... things are looking really
grand with us here.  Hope you can be here to see how happy I am, and to
cook for me.  Yup, that's the first thing I missed when I got here --
your food with names that I couldn't pronounce.

Don't worry bro, if things don't turn out the way I hope them to, I'd be
there faster than you can say cheese soufflé.

Have to go now, Jen wants me to have dinner at their place.  I'm finally
meeting her parents, formally.  Wish me luck!

Miss you too.

Lex.

	Reading the email from him brought several emotions, but mainly I
felt an overwhelming desire to be with him.  I miss his jokes and his
stupid banter.  Fuck, I just plainly miss him.  I'm glad though that he is
happy there, he really does deserve it.  But I'm also pissed, I admit, that
things are going roses for him.  It only means that he won't be coming back
here anytime soon.  I think it's high time that I accept that fact
otherwise, I'd be only setting myself for a bigger fall later on.


						~~*~~

	I was just lazing around, attempting to do the crossword puzzle
when I had an unexpected visitor.  When I opened the door, my jaw dropped.
It was Lottie.

	"Hi." she said cautiously.

	I thought I had forgotten how much I missed her, but when I saw her
again for a long time, longer than it should have been, the memories
flooded back.  I remembered the incident in our accounting class when our
teacher, a newbie, shouted at us before running out the door.  She was so
frustrated at us two that she suddenly screaming threats at how she would
flunk us both and have us thrown out of the school.  It was a totally
unexpected outburst that made the entire class stiffen in their seats and
gawk at her and us two.  After she stormed the class, we burst out
laughing, with the class joining in.  Later, we demanded that she apologize
in front of the class for humiliating us, which she eventually did after we
threatened to report her to the dean.

	"O shut up and get your ass inside." I told her before hugging her
tightly.  By the time we broke our hug, she was already spilling tears over
her cheeks and she was hiccupping.  We went to the dining room and with her
bent over, I made her drink a glassful of water.  That cured her hiccups.

	"Thanks." she said, when she had gotten her breath back.

	"O, that's something Alex taught me..."

	"I meant for forgiving me..." she replied, as she looked at her
shoes.

	"Who said I have forgiven you?  You still have a lot of sucking up
to do, Lottie." I teased her.

	"I know.  Law," she continued in a tone that meant she had
something important to say... though I didn't want to talk about it, I let
her continue.

	"I should have told you, I know that.  It's just that before I knew
it was Luke, John made me swear not to tell anyone.  I had been staying
over at my friend Christie's place since I found out.  I moved out of our
apartment already.  I really didn't know what to do at that time and I
couldn't ask the guys 'cause I didn't want to put them in my place.  I'm
really, really sorry about it, Law." she explained.

	"Listen, I'm okay already with it.  I figured that you must have a
great reason why you didn't tell me, and though I wanted to settle this
earlier, I just wasn't ready yet....

	"I just have one more question...." I continued.

	"Oh, o." she responded.

	I just smiled at her and said, "If you could do it all over again,
would you have told me?"

	"Uh... Uhm... I don't know.  Maybe I would have let you know
without actually telling you, you know what I mean?"

	"So you still wouldn't have broken John's confidence." I clarified.

	"I guess not...." she whispered.  After a long pregnant silence, I
told her to sit her skinny ass on the chair and eat.

	"Darn, I missed your meals." she said after I placed a lot of food
on the table.  "So how are you holding up with everything?" she asked in
between her mouthfuls.

	"Well, Luke was tough, but when I realized that he was the prick,
and not me, it was easier.  I still miss him at times, but I know that I'll
find someone better, definitely, and without a doubt."

	"How 'bout Alex?" she said, looking straight at me.

	"Uhm,... well, that's completely different.  Sometimes, on good
days, I'll only think of him half the time, on bad days, well, let's just
say I burn my toasts." I said, trying to make it a joke.

	"Yeah, I've heard.  It's that tough, huh?  Well, why don't you ask
him back?  I'm sure he'd run as fast as he could back here."

	"Yeah, he'd run all right -- away from me." I quipped.

	"Not if you tell him that you love him too." she said piercing me
with her stare.

	"What?!" I asked, startled.

	"Law, it's no secret that you two have a thing for one another.
The guys have been talking about it.  It was even Will who first asked how
long you two have been a couple." she said in a matter-of-factly tone, as
if Will is the ultimately expert on human relationships.

	"What are you talking about?  I've been with the guys all the time
and they've never mentioned that..." I said, my voice slowly drifting...

	"I guess they're just waiting for you to tell us... Like with
John's sexuality. Oh, sorry..." my head was thrown upward at the casual
mention of him.  I haven't heard his name save when followed or preceded by
insults.

	"It's okay.  Look, I swear to you, Alex and I are just friends.
I'm sounding like a stupid celebrity in denial here, but we're really just
that.  I mean, we kissed once, but it was no-thing." I explained.

	"Okay.  Whatever you say.  But if I'm right, you have to tell me,
okay?"

	"Yeah, we both know you can keep secrets." I retorted, and with
this, we laughed our hearts out.  Whatever ice was left was grounded and
melted.  Lottie and I talked about everything as if no time had passed.  I
updated her on my life -- which amounted to a mere three minutes of
explaining how I sulk -- and she updated me with hers.  Apparently, she
was dating this guy Phil, from College of Fine Arts and their heading
towards the relationship cliff.

	Lottie stayed for a couple hours more and before she left, I asked
her to take home some of the desserts left.  That's how I decided to start
my own business, sort of.  I would bake some desserts and she would sell
them to her mom's employees and associates.  I'll do the baking; she'll
handle the selling part, and make some profit on it as well.  At least it's
something to help me pass my time, not to mention, earn some money in the
process.


						~~*~~

	A month and a half had passed since Alex left and still I sometimes
set the table for two.  I curse myself when that happens, when I go into
auto-pilot and grab two plates and place them on the table before realizing
that I would be dining alone.  A couple of days ago, after I received his
email telling me that things are still okay with him -- at that point, I
instantly hoped that he was about to leave her 'cause he used the term okay
instead of 'really grand', 'til I realized how stupid that was -- and
that he asked his mom to pick-up some of his other things...

	When Aunt Nikki, his mother, got here, we chatted up a bit and she
bought five trays of my Decadent Chocolate Almond Cake and three boxes of
Lemon Torte, saying that it was 'simply divine' and that she would make
sure all her friends get my number.  She also asked me how I'd put up with
Alex for an entire year considering that he is the laziest of all her kids.
I told her that Alex was far from lazy.  I told her about him cleaning up
the place even before I woke up and how he did the dishes.  At this, her
mouth literally dropped open and her eyes became as big as my plates.

	"I can't believe it.  No, no.  It's impossible...  Noooo.... Not my
Alex.  Oh come on, tell me the truth.  I won't tell him, I promise." she
asked.

	"No, I'm serious.  It's only now that I'm alone that I got Alice.
When Alex was here, we cleaned the place ourselves.  Actually, he did most
of the work..." I said, a little bit embarrassed to tell her I did nothing.

	"You mean, he really did wash the dishes?...  Do you know that in
Australia, I had to hire two housekeepers -- that's aside from the
stable boy and the caretakers who were already there -- to clean the
place up?  I mean, Alex wouldn't lift a finger!  I was always telling him
that he has to help out here 'coz I was worried that you'd be cleaning the
place alone.  I even gave your mother the agency of our maids."

	She left me feeling dazzled at the news I just heard.  Alex, the
lazy son?  I can't believe it.  I mean, I thought he had the house all to
himself.  I knew that he had other people in the ranch, I caught him slip
several times about him taking care of the animals so he confessed that
they had people for that... but I didn't know that he wasn't used to
housework.

	I emailed him about it right after her mom left and like clockwork,
he had a response by night time.


Ence,

I see that my mom has been to the pad...  and that she's also told you
about the maids.  Well, I'm sorry bro for lying, but I just didn't want to
stay there and be a parasite...

At first I told you that 'coz I felt that I had to contribute
something.... aside from the food and bills, I mean, personally.  But then,
I guess, I liked doing it.  Yup, even washing the dishes.  Especially that.
I miss that the most here, actually, next to your meals...  Not the actual
washing, you fool, but you standing there entertaining me with your lame
jokes and senseless stories....

Hey, don't be mad... Promise I'll do the dishes when we come over during
Christmas.

Miss you still.

Lex.


						~~*~~

	The business I started to help me forget Alex was actually paying
off.  We had a long list of clients already and there were times when the
rush of orders was just too much for me to handle.  At first it was just
making a pan for a client, and that was it.  But then suddenly, I had to
make a minimum of fifty pans everyday.  I'm planning to put a halt on this
though, for I only have less than a month left before school starts and I
want to get some rest.

	I'm planning to go to our rest house in the hills next week and
back there, I would have some much needed rest and relaxation.  Last time I
visited that place, I was still in secondary school, and boy, did it blow
my mind away.  It's a rest house within a resort.  You have a rest house
where you can enjoy your privacy and you have a resort, where you can enjoy
almost everything there is to enjoy.  Think of nature and being pampered.
Yup, those are the two words that can describe the place -- lush
greenery and people waiting at your beck and call to do your wishes.  Okay,
not those kinds of wishes.  At least not that I know of.  But come to think
of it, it wouldn't hurt.  Besides, I've been celibate for more than two
months now.

	Just as I had packed my things and was simply scanning the place up
for some minor details that I might have forgotten, the doorbell rang.
Maybe it's Nicole, forgetting something, I thought.  She was just here to
bid me adieu, having missed the dinner I had last night.

	"Is there still room for one more?" Alex asked, showing off his
incredibly gorgeous teeth at me.

	O My God, I'm becoming delusional...  Is it really him?  I couldn't
believe it.  It's Alex standing there, in front of me.

	"W-W-What..." I stammered, unable to believe that it is him, that
he really is here, standing in front of me in the flesh.

	"What am I doing here?  Well classes are about to start in three
weeks and I don't want to miss out on it, do I?" he answered, still smiling
like a crazy fool.

	"B-But..."

	"But what about Australia and Jennifer? Let's just say, it didn't
work out.  So I'm back here... for good.  That is if you'll have me
back." he said the last part uncertainly.

	I didn't know what to say or think, or if my mind was still
functioning at that time.  I simply went up to him and hugged him tightly.
I embraced him as tight as I could, fearing that he would leave the moment
I let go.

	"Ence...I... I can't .... breathe..." he whimpered.  He looked all
flustered when I let go of him.  "Now, that is what I call a welcome." he
said teasingly.

	"I... I still can't believe this.  Why didn't you tell me?
Why.... why the hell didn't you email me that you were coming?!" I said,
hitting him on the arm.

	"If I remember you correctly.... 'that's what a surprise is' Ence."
he replied, beaming at me like a crazy fool.

	"Surprise?  What if you missed me?  I was about to leave already!"
I hissed at him, still peeved at the thought that we could have missed one
another.

	"That's not possible.  I timed myself perfectly.  I knew what time
you were leaving and besides, my original plan was to wait in the car for
you.  I asked Nicole to steal your car keys, but I got bored waiting...
Which reminds me, what's taking you so long?"

	"Nicole knows about this?!" I intoned.

	"Of course.  I emailed everybody and we planned this to perfection.
I was just a little worried that Geoff might give it away though, knowing
him..."

	"Those pricks.  I'm going to kill them!"  No wonder everybody was
especially happy last night.

	After some time just looking at him, I finally realized that he
really was there, and that I was not merely delusional.

	 "So are we going or you just gonna stand there and gawk at me?"

	"So you're coming along?" I said beaming from ear to ear.

	"No silly, I'm just driving you there and I'm going back to
Australia." he said sarcastically.

	I remember thinking on the way to the car: 'O God.  Thank you.  I
don't know what I did to deserve this, but whatever it was, thank
you. Thank you so much!'


						~~*~~

	The ride to the resort/rest house was more than I could have
expected.  Alex, insisted on driving and I sat beside him unable to control
myself from grinning while staring at him.  I still couldn't believe it.
He was back!

	"Will you stop gawking at me?" he smirked.

	"I can't help it...  In as much as I feel bad that things didn't
work out for you, I'm really glad that they didn't." I felt ashamed the
moment I said it, and I blushed bright red.

	"Don't worry about it.  I'm a little glad about it too, truth be
told." he said.

	"So wanna tell me what happened?" I asked, my voice becoming grave.

	"Well, there's not much to tell, really."

	"O come on Alex!  You pack up all your things and go to a different
country in search of happiness and love and then two months later, you come
back without any reasons.  Come on... I think I deserve to know what
happened... Okay... scrap the I-deserve part...  I just... I... I just want
to know what happened and to know that I won't be waking up someday soon
and see you with your bags packed again." I said, looking at the floor of
the car, being honest to him about my feelings.

	He looked at me and smiled warmly.  Grabbing my chin, he turned my
head to him and said: "I won't be leaving any time soon.  And I'll be doing
the dishes for the remainder of your college life, that's a promise."

	My attempts to hide my emotions failed miserably.  I felt getting
teary-eyed so I turned away from him and rubbed my eyes.

	"My darn contacts are drying up again..." I said weakly...  He just
smirked at this, seeing through my pathetic lie.  After some time, I got
the courage to ask.

	"She broke your heart again, didn't she?" I whispered, softly.
After some silence, he finally responded.

	"No... as a matter of fact..., I broke her heart this time..." Alex
said quietly.

	"Wha-What do you mean You broke her heart?  Did you find someone
else?" I quickly asked.

	"In a matter of speaking, I guess you could say that."

	"Okay. I'm sorry Alex, but I'm really getting tired with all this
word games.  Either you stop the car and tell me exactly what happened or
you continue driving and tell me exactly what happened.  So what will it
be?" I asked him, my voice becoming stern.

	He laughed at this and said something me not having changed at all
and how he had missed my bitchiness.  I was about to tell him that he was
just seeing the tip of the bitchy me when with a audible deep breathe, he
told me.

	"Okay.  Here's what happened.  Remember the night when I met her
parents for the first time?  Well, I did.  And her parents didn't like me
one bit.  They wanted to see her with a true/native Australian, not someone
from a foreign land... As if there's such a thing as a native Australian...

	"Anyway, Jennifer apologized deeply for her family and for
everything.  It was pretty clear that she wanted us to work and she said
that she would do everything to convince her parents that my intentions
were noble..."

	I couldn't help but smirk at this, it was an involuntary reaction.
Alex looked at me and we started laughing at the hypocrisy of it all.
"Honorable my ass..." I added and we laughed even more.  When we had
recovered, he went on.

	"So that night, when I got back to the ranch, I didn't know how to
feel.  And I needed to talk to someone... so I called up Will."  I
instantly felt bad at this.  I know, how very immature of me, but I still
can't help but feel jealous at Alex and Will's friendship...  I just looked
straight at the road and acted as if it was not a big deal.

	"I wanted to call you, but... but I guess.... I guess I needed a
straight guy's perspective on it, no offense, Ence."

	"None taken.  Then what happened?" I said quickly, too quickly.

	"Well, Will told me some bullshit actually.... Something like, 'if
I thought she was worth it, then I should prove to her parents my
sincerity' and a load of other stuff.  So that got me thinking..."

	After a long silence, I nearly shouted...

	"And?  What were you thinking?!"

	"Well, it was confusing... I mean, I wanted us to work,
but... Okay, I know this is going to sound terrible, but I just didn't
think it was worth that much of an effort... you know what I mean?

	"I like Jennifer, I mean, she was the only girl that I thought I
could see myself spending the rest of my time with, but... but then, I
realized that I don't want to spend the rest of my life with her..."

	"Why?  What happened?" I inquired, my mind missing something...

	"Well, the thing was, I went there because I wanted to give us a
try and even after that dinner, I still wanted to give us a try.  It just
got me thinking if she was really worth all that.  What you said before I
left kept ringing in my head... that she demanded a lot from me, a lot of
sacrifices, and there are no guarantees."

	"What?  You're listening to me now?  You never listen to me." I
said, startled by what he said.  "I mean, there are no guarantees, no
absolutes in life Lex.  Not with Jennifer, not with me or your parents, not
anywhere." I said, afraid that I had led him into the wrong path.

	"I know that silly.  What I meant was, you were right about the
sacrifices.  Those were pretty damn big and I just... I just wasn't sure
she was worth it.  I went there thinking that she was.  But then I realized
that I wanted something more to it...  I realized that she had changed and
what was scarier, was that... I had changed.

	"One day I just woke up and realized that I wanted something
else... something that she can't give me.  Don't ask what.  I've been
racking my head for days but I still don't know...  I just know that our
relationship wasn't doing anything for me, for us.  There was just
something that was lacking, you know... some sort of void, that I can't for
the life of me describe."

	I didn't know what to say to this.  I mean, what was I to say?
That it was okay and things would be better?  Who wants to hear that?  So
we just remained silent and listened to the radio.  We had been listening
to his Dave Matthew cd since we left the pad and I was about to change it
to my Josh Groban cd.  But before I could put the cd in, I heard 'Someday
We'll Know' in the radio.

	"Ei, listen to this.  This song is for you." I told him.

	"So many questions, I need some answer...  Ooohh ooooo.... Someday
we'll know... If love can move a mountain.... Someday we'll know... why the
sky is blue.... Someday we'll know, why I wasn't meant for you...." we
joined in, singing to the top of our voices.


						~~*~~

	After getting lost twice, we finally got to the place.  Once we had
settled in, Alex can't stop admiring the different pieces in the house.  He
was most especially amazed at our crystal chess piece.

	"My God... Can you actually play with these?" he said as he
carefully held the king piece up.

	"Of course, silly.  Otherwise what's the point of buying an
expensive chess piece that you can't use?" I answered.

	"But what if it you break it?  I mean, the cost of this single king
alone would be enough to feed an entire community in Africa."

	"Well, see if you can say that to my mom who bought that."

	After a three hour long drive, we had decided to try out the spa
and get a full body massage.  I wanted to try the body massage and seaweed
wrap, so I suggested that he get something else done as well.  But he was
thinking the entire time of the cost and how much his money could be spent
somewhere else.

	"Hey, don't worry about it.  I mean, my parents have already paid
for it.  There's a huge monthly bill that we receive just for maintaining
the place, so everything that we get here is already paid for."

	Lying on the massage table, I couldn't help but stare at the
visible crotch line of the hunk who was loosening up the tight knots in my
back.  He was wearing tight white pants and white polo, somewhat similar to
the garbs of nurses.  The temptation to just grab it and have a go at him
was overwhelming, especially since he has proven to be so good with his
hands.  Thoughts were already popping into my mind of the things that we
could do, how he could massage my "tightest" organ.  But Alex's moans
brought me back to my senses.  We were in the same room, something that I
had subtly requested to the receptionist.

	So I tried to close my eyes instead and make small chit-chat,
talking about nothing in particular and mere attempts to divert my
attention.  But darn, Alex's moans were having a very positive response in
me, or in this case, a very negative one.  I was having one of the biggest
hard-ons in my entire life and if I weren't lying face down, I would have
created a visible tent for campers to spend the night in.

	Thankfully though, thinking of food and different recipes had
diverted my mind.  And by the time my masseuse asked me to roll on my back,
I wasn't as excited any more.  After two hours of utterly relieving
massages, we went separately to different rooms for our individual wraps.
I don't really know if my sea weed wrap had a lasting effect on my skin,
but after one hour, I did feel a temporary smoothness.  Alex claimed that
his skin is already more taut and smoother.

	Feeling like different persons, I suggested that we go to the
restaurant and have some early dinner, but Alex embarrassedly asked if I
would mind cooking.  It seemed that he really did miss my meals.  So I had
some groceries and fresh food delivered to our house and cooked him a
spectacular meal consisting of Corn and Crab Bisque, Shrimp Pie, Jambalaya
and Mudslide Malt and Icy Rum Coffee Cream for dessert.

	"I can't believe you cooked this much Jambalaya.  How are we going
to finish it?" he asked, in between mouthfuls.

	"You're not supposed to finish it in one sitting anyway.  It gets
better after a day or two, so we can put it away and eat it later."

	"I really missed this." he said, looking at me.

	"How can you miss this, when I've only cooked it now.  I just
learned the recipe this summer." I asked.

	"No, I meant having dinner with you."

	Enough said.  He obviously knew the right buttons to push when it
comes to me and I won't deny that I'm loving every moment of it.


						~~*~~

	 On our fifth day, we had decided to stay inside the house and lie
around.  We had spent the past few days strolling around the resort and
trying out the different amenities. We had gone swimming, bowling,
jet-skiing in the man-made lake, and even fishing.

	We both couldn't get enough of the sights at first.  The place was
simply marvelous.  Trees shaded the walkways and flowers of all colors can
be found.  I nearly panicked when I saw a flower bed full of blue tulips!
I thought all along that tulips only survived in Holland but one of the
caretakers -- you could always find one eager to attend to anything you
want -- told me that it was a special breed.  Well, I still couldn't
believe it and asked if we were allowed to have a picnic beside it.
Although, there were more spacious locations than the one I had chosen, I
just insisted on having one there.

	The caretaker exchanged a few words into his two-way radio and
within a couple of minutes, we were brought a blanket and a picnic basket.
Even Alex was amazed at their efficiency.  When we opened the basket, there
lay two sets of menus.  The caretaker turned waiter, suggested that we try
out their various selections of cakes and their 1989 Californian White Wine
which Alex got, along with a decadent chocolate cake.  I chose the
Strawberry shortcake with Caramel Syrup.

	Alex made a comment that although the cake was great, mine was
still the best that he's tried.  I merely smiled at this comment and looked
at him.  He really did look great.  He had cut his hair shorter than we
first met, and it made him look more mature, smarter even.  The time he
spent at the gym was paying off, his body was filling out.

	I know that this would sound really cheesy and tacky, but that was
perhaps the most amazing afternoon I had ever had in my entire life.  Alex
and I just enjoyed each other's company, joking and playing around.  I was
simply grateful that he was back into my life, more concretely that is.  We
savored the moment like it was the last of our days and it's as if all
other concerns, all other items, simply ceased to exist.  All that mattered
was that moment.  All that mattered was each other.

	 Going back to our house, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and
happiness.  Yet, at the back of my mind, I knew that I had to be careful.
I knew that if I kept this up, I would only be setting myself up for a
bigger fall.  Alex's straight, I kept saying to myself.  He loves you but
not in the way that you love him.

	I felt a pang of pain when I realized that at the end of the day,
Alex would be spending the rest of his life with someone else, and so would
I.  I knew that I shouldn't be greedy and ungrateful... that I should be
contented to at least have him this way.  And I was, at least I tried to.

	But also, I can't help but wonder how it would be like to be held
by him, and be looked at the way he did with Jennifer.  I couldn't help but
wonder how his body would feel if he held me tightly and tell me that he
wants to spend the rest of his days with me.

	If there's anything that I have learned though in my 19 years of
existence, it's to savor what you have, the here and now.  So that's what I
did.  I tried as hard as I could to sweep how I feel for him under the rug
and to pretend that I wasn't falling for him.  I tried to love him as best
as I could, as a brother and best friend, nothing more, painful as it may
be.  I tried to forget about the kiss, about the kiss that expressed how I
secretly loved him all this time... about the kiss that he so easily
dismissed as an overzealous act of friendship, nothing more.

	"Hey!" Alex shouted.

	"O, what... what were you saying?" I asked, startled to be brought
back into the land of the living.  He was sitting beside me in the living
room as we had just started drinking shots of tequila.  We decided to get
drunk and sleep 'til noon tomorrow since we were leaving in two days time.

	"You tell me.  Where were you?" he asked, looking at me
inquisitively.

	"Uhm... nothing.  I mean, nowhere.  Was just thinking about nothing
in particular.... so what were you saying?" I said, trying to change the
topic.

	"No, you're not dodging this one.  So what were you thinking
Lawrence?" he asked, his tone changing into a serious one.

	"Really... I wasn't." I said stalling for more time and thinking of
something to say.  He scowled at me, forcing me to say it.

	"Okay.  You sure you want to know?" I asked, giving him some hints
that it's something grave.

	"I was just thinking of how lucky I am...  I mean, look at this,
some people won't be able to experience a place like this in their entire
lives, and here we are, barely adults, enjoying it. I was just thinking of
all the things that happened the past year, and I'm really, really happy
with the results, you know what I mean?

	"I remember the day when my mom told me that you were going to be
my flat mate.  I screamed.  Can you believe that?  I screamed.  I told her
anyone but you... I still can't believe I screamed, but I did..." I said,
laughing at how much of a brat I was.  Alex just remained smiling when he
heard this.  He was looking at me intently, and our physical closeness was
comforting and at the same time, dangerous.  I had to exert much effort to
control myself.

	"And look at us now, who would have thought that we'd get along so
well?  I mean, there was no question for me when I saw you walk into the
door that I would like you, but I guess what really amazes me to this day
is why you didn't run..." I asked.

	"Why should I?  You're a really great guy, Ence.  It's rare to find
people like you." he responded, still looking directly at me.  I felt
myself blush and become self-conscious.

	"Thanks Alex.  Thanks for everything.  I know that I haven't done
anything to deserve your friendship, but I --"

	With that Alex leaned forward and kissed me.  He grabbed my head
and kissed me with all the passion that there was in the world.  Whatever
emotions I had swept under the rug came surfacing and we kissed like there
was no tomorrow.  I could feel the heat of his body and I felt his tongue
exploring my mouth.

	When we broke from the kiss, I didn't know what to do or how to
act.  I just stared into the floor, waiting for him to hit me or walk out.
Instead, he cupped my chins, moving my head to face his and said:

	"I wasn't that bad, was I?  Here, let's try if I can do better."

	And with that, he kissed me one more time.  It was more passionate
than the first one and his tongue caressed my mouth, finding its own place.
He gently pushed me on the sofa and with his hands, he took off my shirt.
I reciprocated and did the same thing.  I kissed him and slowly unbuttoned
his polo and threw it on the floor.  We were both already bare-chested when
he suddenly stood up.

	My heart stopped beating, seeing him standing there.  When I looked
up at him, I saw him grin, and his hands slowly unbuttoned his jeans.  God
he looks amazing.  His muscles have been more defined since he left and I
can see his six-pack starting to develop.  Wearing nothing else but his
boxer briefs, he held my hands and had me stand up.  I looked up at him
before he kissed me, while his hands unbuttoned my pants.

	His lips were on my neck, licking me slowly, causing moans to
escape from my mouth.  He slowly pushed me back on the sofa and when I was
already lying down, he laid down beside me, his head in front of my crotch.
We were in a 69 position when I felt his hot mouth gently biting my cock,
with my boxers still on.  I pulled his shorts off and his manhood sprang
up.  I grabbed it by the base and directed it to my waiting mouth.  He did
the same and despite our motions, the room was filled with moans.  He
continued to bob up and down on my cock, while I sucked and licked his
nuts.  He moaned loudly at this so I continued, jacking him all the while.
I can feel myself building up, my passions growing stronger and stronger.
From Alex's loud moans, I can sense that he is getting close as well.

	"Oh God.... Oh God...." he moaned.

	I continued to suck on him, savoring his taste, wanting to bring
him to the edge.  He sucked me harder, faster.  I'm getting close now....
I licked his nuts and told him that I was getting close... really
close.... but he just continued on sucking, he used his tongue to play with
the underside of my head while he sucked me loudly.

	"AAAAAAHhhhhhhhhh!" I shouted.

	I grabbed his dick and placed it back on my mouth, using my tongue
to caress it.  I sucked him and jacked him until he shouted "OOH
GGGGOOOOD!"


						~~*~~

	After a couple of minutes lying down there, our energies spent, he
stood up.  It was then that I knew that it was just a slip for us both, a
momentary act of weakness.

	But then Alex held my hand and brought me to the bathroom.  As we
waited for the Jacuzzi to fill with water, he held me at the waist and
kissed me.

	"That wasn't so bad, was it?" he asked me, smiling.

	"No, it wasn't." I whispered, still uncertain how far this would
go.

	"Wait here." he said as he turned around and left the room, buck
naked still.  I didn't know what to do so I just waited there with my ass
pressed against the sink.  My mind has ceaed working...  When he came back
a minute later, he was carrying a basket and an ice bucket with a white
wine in it.  He guided me into the Jacuzzi and he placed the ice bucket on
the floor.  When he opened the basket, he took out rose petals.  Yes, rose
petals.  He scattered it into the tub and smiling, took out two glasses
from the basket, which he filled with the wine.  He handed me a glass when
he climbed behind me into the tub, and settling down, he held me.

	 Alex's hand was across me on my chest, while in his other hand, he
held the glass of wine.  He was cuddling me.  I didn't know still what to
think, so I didn't.  I merely seized the moment and laid my head on his
chest.  I tried to relax and enjoy it... but I couldn't.  I didn't know
what was happening and what would happen next, and the thought that it's
just a dream wherein I would wake up soon and lose Alex was something that
I didn't want to happen.  So I wiggled my way out of his arm and sat
opposite him.  I faced him and looked him the eyes.

	"A-Alex..." I started, but he placed a finger on my lips and said,
"Let me."

	"Ence, I've long wanted to tell you this...  But well, frankly, I
was scared.  I was really scared...  I didn't know if you felt the same
way.  I was scared of losing you.  Yesterday with the tulips, that's when I
realized everything and when I decided to take the chance.

	"So that's why I bought the tequila.  I needed to find some courage
somewhere.  I had already started my speech but you just spaced out.  And
then, that happened..." he explained, his eyes never leaving mine for a
second.  With a deep breath, he continued:

	"What I'm saying Ence, is that I love you.  And not in the friendly
way... or in the puppy kind of way.... or in a brotherly way... I love you
more than anyone or anything else.  Very simply and very truly.  I love you
like I never loved anyone else before, not Jennifer, not my parents, not
even myself.

	"The past months were hell for me.  I went to Australia to give
myself the opportunity to fall for someone that I could love.  But it
didn't work.  The entire time, I just kept on thinking about you... about
your food, about your jokes... about you Ence... the entire time.  I tried
everything to stop myself from thinking it and to focus on giving Jennifer
a try but I couldn't. That was the big void that I had.  I finally figured
it out a couple of days ago.  The void wasn't in me or in Jennifer, it was
simply because she wasn't you...

	"Ence, you are the epitome of everything I'm looking for in another
human being.  You make me laugh with your stupid antics, you make me cry
with your sincerity, you make me... you make me want to be a better person.
I never thought that I would fall for another guy before but I did... I
crashed for you... I've never felt more alive... more complete than when I
am with you.

	"I just... I just can't take this any more.  I can't stand being
beside you without wanting to hold your hand and kiss you.  I can't be in
the same room with you without expressing how I truly feel for everything
that you are...  I can't look at your eyes and not feel the emotions
stirring up in me like in a trashy romance novel.  I've tried hiding it the
past few days and it was simply an agony for me... I knew at our picnic
that I couldn't let this go on.  That I had to take a chance and tell you
how I really feel."

	I just sat there, with the hot water bubbling around us and the
tears just fell into my cheeks.  I didn't know what to say?  What do you
say when the man you've been secretly in love with tells you that he loved
you as well?  So, I just leaned close to him and kissed him gently on the
lips.  When we broke from our kiss, he smiled at me and brought his glass
to mine.

	"I take it that that's a positive sign.  To us, then." he toasted,
smiling broadly.


				   ~~*~~