Date: Sat, 15 Nov 2003 19:28:05 -0800 (PST)
From: Scotty <niki200sc@yahoo.com>
Subject: College: The Professor and Sean, Part 30

The Professor and Sean, Part 26
by Scotty

Disclaimer:

This is a fictional story dealing with love and consensual sexual
activities between males.  If you are not of legal age, reside in an area
where viewing such material is illegal, or are offended by homosexuality
and/or homosexual themes, leave this site now.

The characters in this story do not practice safe sex.  Remember this is
fiction.  You should always use a condom for the your protection and
especially for the protection of the one you love.  The author recommends
only safe sex.  Be wise and follow safe sex practices.

Several songs are quoted in this story. The copyrights to these are held by
the artists or their publishers and not by the author. They are quoted as a
tribute to the artist and the piece.

All persons in this story are fictional and any resemblance to persons
living or dead is purely coincidental.

The author retains all rights to this story.  No reproductions or links to
other sites are allowed without the permission of the author.

All other disclaimers apply.

   We all find treasure in the strangest places; it is the wonder of being
alive.
						Scotty

Thanks to the individuals who have emailed me discuss the they story.  It
is encouraging to hear from you.  I try to answer all of you, but if you
have to wait a day or two, it is because I just can't keep up with the
emails.

Thanks again to all my faithful readers; there's more story to come in "The
Professor and Sean".

The marked improvement in the punctuation and spelling, it is the result of
the intelligent and careful editing I have received from Bill and Wayne
These two competent guys are my beta readers and editors.  I thank them
here publicly.  As Sean would say, "They are awesome!"

NOTE: If you wish me to notify you when I post the next part of the story,
email and let me know.

Scotty

The Professor and Sean, Part 30

				     I

After our lovemaking, we lay on the kitchen floor, wrapped in each other's
arms.  Neither of us spoke.  It was a moment that did not need
verbalization; our bodies spoke eloquently of our experience.  I suddenly
had a strange, cold, frightening moment, when I thought about life without
Sean.  It scared me!  Sean finally moved a little, and his movement brought
me back to this moment in time.  I hugged him tighter and kissed his head
gently.

"I don't want to move, Ry.  When I am in your arms, it makes me so
comfortable.  Can we stay here forever?  Why do we have to leave here?
Can't we just live here, alone, in love, and exclude the rest of this crazy
world?  I am fine with that" he told me.

"Sean, I would like nothing better than to spend the rest of our lives here
in our special place.  We both know that we can't.  We have to rejoin the
world.  There is much that we have to do.  Just think about the memories of
this wonderful time.  No one can ever take those away from us, Baby.  They
belong to us exclusively.  When we are too busy, or we are sad or lonely,
we need only to think about these wondrous days when we were together as
one.  Our love has made us the exception, not the rule.  We have had
extraordinary experiences already as a couple.  Think of all the wonderful
things that are yet to come for us.  Come on, Baby, let's get this
breakfast over and done with.  We have sheets to change, some laundry to
do, packing, arrangements to make for the Celica, and maybe, if you are
good, we can make love one more time.  I vote 'yes' to that."


I promise I will be good, Hon.  I will be very good, and then we can make
love again, here in our special place, one more time before we leave.  My
God, Ry, I really don't want to leave this place.  I'm ready for breakfast
and the other things we need to do, but only if you promise me that we can
make love one more time," he said with a sigh.

"I promise."

Slowly we broke our embrace and got up.  It seemed cool now that we were
not wrapped in each other's arms.  Despite the coolness, I didn't want to
get dressed.

"Sean, are you going to get dressed, or are you staying naked?"

"Silly, I am going to stay naked.  You must stay naked, too, Ry.  I want to
enjoy the view.  It helps keep my mind off leaving here," he told me.

With that settled, we went about the breakfast, finishing it quickly and
quietly.  I began to realize the magnitude of our leaving.  For Sean it
represented a separation from the parents who loved him so much.  Here he
knew love again, in a special way, discovering in himself a release from
the memory of his mother and father.  For him it had been a supernatural,
even a spiritual experience.  In my case, it was awe inspiring because I
knew something extraordinary had occurred, but since I was not immediately
a part of the experience, I couldn't, as Sean had, know the intensity and
the soul-inspiring emotions.  I did know, without any doubt, that something
uncommon had happened; but if I were asked to explain it, I couldn't.

The cabin, the lake and the surroundings here were a safe haven for Sean.
Here he was at home and at peace.  It seemed to me that he was infused with
vigor and happiness in this idyllic setting.  His recollection of a happy
childhood was one of the mainstays of his life.  It provided a connection
to the few happy hours of his young life that he could recollect: his teddy
bear, the fishing with his Dad, the youthful carefree time.  The rest of
his growing up had been painful and sad.  I wondered how he was able to
become the remarkable, well-adjusted young man he became.  If I dwell on
that aspect of his life, and I am willing to accept something I can't
explain, I guess I would say that Sean was loved from afar.  Although
nothing could prevent his fate, a strong element of love surrounded him as
he grew.  Perhaps this place is so important to him because here, amidst
all that he loved, he found love again, and for that reason alone, he hated
to leave.

"Ry, why are you so quiet?  I 've never seen you so remote and so far away.
I love you, Hon.  Don't worry about me; I will be fine because I am with
you, here or at State, or wherever," he told me. He couldn't hide the tear
that was sliding down his cheek, however.  Seeing it broke my heart, and it
took all the inner strength I had, but I controlled my emotions.  I leaned
forward and kissed the single tear away.  He smiled at me, and then kissed
my lips gently.  I almost lost it again, but I held on.

"I have been thinking seriously about you and me and life.  We are
especially fortunate, aren't we?  I mean, the greatest thing, is that we
have each other.  That's a pretty strong foundation, Ry.  We should be able
to build on that, unless we are too stupid.  And I know that you are
intelligent even if I don't make the mark.  We have..."

I interrupted and scolded, "Sean Kelly, you are intelligent, as intelligent
as I am.  And in addition to that you are talented in other ways.  Please,
Baby, don't demean yourself.  It's a very bad habit.  I know it may be a
hangover from your experience with you Uncle Jesse, but it's not necessary
here.  You are loved so much, not only by me, but also by so many others.
Don't you understand what that means?  Sean, you are beloved of many
because you are what your are.  And it's a pretty impressive package."

The room rang with quietness!  It was a palpable silence.  It was
frightening, especially if you sensed that it might be the precursor of
something explosive.  But again, that wasn't the case, because as I waited
for Sean's reaction to my little sermon, I felt an overwhelming love, an
all-encompassing love fill the room; frankly it scared me a little.  When I
had enough sense to look at Sean carefully, it was immediately obvious that
he was almost in a trance. The love I had felt and continued to feel had
transported my lover to some special place, perhaps to a place I would
never know.  I was trembling.  Then I saw the tears slowly flowing from my
Sean's beautiful eyes.  I didn't know what to do.  I got up from my stool,
walked around the counter to him, and gently took him into my arms.  I did
nothing else because I didn't know what else to do.  I felt that I had
somehow betrayed my lover.

"It's okay, Hon.  I just had a deep thought about this place and you.  Then
I heard their voices again and..."

"Whose voices?"

"My Mommy and Daddy."

"And..."

"They told me to get on with life, much as they had before, but this time
they were a little more firm.  This place, they told me, is an oasis from
the world; it is not the world.  Ryan, they still love me deeply from
someplace I don't understand, in a way that fills my heart with such joy
that tears come to my eyes.  But, Ryan, they told me that the love that
filled this room a while ago, wasn't from them alone.  They told me that
your love for me, and mine for you, was a bright light, filling our souls
with love and the strength to go on, to live our lives; for better, for
worse.  You think I am crazy," he said.

"No, you are not crazy.  You may be psychic, but not crazy.  Sean, I felt
that love, too, but I wasn't able to go with you wherever you went.  I
stayed here while you took a psychic trip somewhere.  I was a little
scared, Baby.  It was intense."

"I know we are supposed to do certain things before we make love again, but
Ryan, I have to have you now.  Will you please make love to me, now?  I
need you, Hon.  I need you so much," he whispered.

I picked him up and took him to our bed; laid him gently on the sheets, and
moved over him, kissing him gently and with the love would manifest itself
in our lovemaking.

The lovemaking that followed, gentle and filled with ecstasy, was
brilliant, explosive. We reached a new high in our lovemaking.

----------------------------------

Neither of us wanted to leave the bed.  We held each other firmly, but
tenderly, not wanting to break the spell.  Who would have the ability to
speak, to make the decision that we had to shower and get going?  I knew
that I was not willing to do that, not now, not after such a beautiful
moment in our lovemaking lives.  I just wanted to hold him, to kiss him, to
protect him, to let him know that all my love for him was real.  I thought,
'He's going to have to be the one to decide when; I can't.'  Sean was
gently moving his hand across my chest.  He ran little circles around my
nipples with his finger.  I was getting stimulated again.  But I knew we
had to get going; I knew that I had to get a grip on myself, or with little
convincing from my lover, I would decide to stay another day.  I didn't
dare suggest it to him; he would have to ask me.  I knew I would say yes.

'My dear God, help me through this most difficult moment.  I love him so
much, dear Lord, that I cannot even tell him we have to leave.  I know,
God, that we must, but I just want to stay here with Sean in my arms.  It's
so right, God.  Please help me,' I prayed.

Sean kissed me lightly on my cheek.  I looked at him and he was smiling
that wonderful smile.  He winked at me.  "I remember what you said to me
the other day, now it's my turn.  A penny for your thoughts, Ry."

In that instance I knew I had to tell him exactly how I felt.  He had to
know that I, too, wanted to stay.  I was a victim of the mysterious pull
that this cabin and its surroundings had.  If I told him, he would be more
attuned to getting on with what we both knew deeply in our hearts and minds
that we had to do.  I took a deep breath.

"Sean, I have to tell you something and I ask that you please not interrupt
me.  I don't want to leave this place either.  I know I told you that
earlier, but I didn't tell you how strong that feeling is, how overpowering
it is.  I want for us to stay here, forgetting the outside world, and to
continue with our happy time together; where making love to each other is
the most important thing we do.  Out there in the real world, other demands
on both our lives will keep us apart.  I don't know if I am strong enough
to return to that routine.  I can't imagine getting through each day
without you there with me.  It is driving me to distraction, Sean.  I need
you so much in my life; you are a tonic for me.  You give me strength; you
bring love and joy to me with each touch, each smile.  And I don't want to
lose that, Baby; if I should, I think I would just waste away.  I don't
want to leave.  I don't.  I can't," I told him in a loud almost shouting
voice.

Sean pulled away from me and sat up.  First he looked at me with wonderment
in his eyes; even his smile was conditional.  Then the smile broadened, his
eyes took on a sparkle, and as is his usual response when I do or say
something he likes, he was all over me.  I don't think I have gotten that
many kisses in that short a time in all of my life.  I loved every moment
of it.  I could feel both our cocks coming to life again, and I made no
attempt to stop it; in fact, I returned each kiss with as much passion as I
could muster.  Then he pulled away again.

"Ryan Taylor, let's get going!  Take me home where each night I can go to
sleep in your arms and each morning awake in your arms.  There, I will be
your lover every day.  I will watch you prepare our meals, and drive to
class with you each day with you.  I will go places and do things with you.
I will see some of the world, experience some of the wonderful things you
have told me about.  I will do all that and more.  I want to live life to
the fullest with you.  You are my soul mate.  For you I would do anything,
including give up my life if it meant you could go on.  I don't want to
leave this sanctuary either, but Ryan, we need to do just what you wanted
and what I want now.  We have to live our lives, and as my parents somehow
told me; we have to get on with it now.  My God, Hon, do you have any idea
how happy I am that you told me exactly how you feel about our place.  Here
is a Kelly kiss to seal the deal."  Sean pulled me into his arms and gave
me a Kelly kiss that I wouldn't soon forget.

I had done the right thing.  We could leave together now and go about our
lives.  The cabin would be here for us when we wanted it.  I knew that
those times would be frequent, as so much of our married life happened
here.  In all this joy, I still had an inexplicable feeling of cold, not
evil, but perhaps great tragedy.  I pushed it out of my mind and returned
Sean's powerful kiss.  I had to tell him again, "I love you, Sean Kelly,
more than you will ever know.  I'm ready.  Let's get going."

We got up from the bed and moved quickly to the bathroom where we enjoyed a
sensual shower, discovering, yet again, some of the mysteries of our
bodies.  It would be a never- ending adventure of discovery in our lives
together.  We stripped the bed and put clean linens on it.  We made sure
the bathroom was picked up.  We put the soiled linens in the hamper,
knowing that Dan would attend to them.

While Sean was dressing and checking his injured feet, I called Dan.  He
was available, so I talked to him immediately.  He wondered if everything
was okay at the cabin.  I thanked him for both of us for the wonderful
surprise he had awaiting us when we arrived.  He would take care of the
Celica and see that we got it as soon as he could arrange it.  He was
interested in when Sean and I might be able to see him about the
inheritance and other legal matters.

He asked if this coming weekend would be okay.  He needed to talk to Sean
about a will and trusts, and other matters.  He wouldn't be staying with
us, as he would be with someone.  He would drive the Celica and his friend
would drive his car.  I thought it was a good idea.  They were to have
dinner with us on Saturday night because I insisted that they should; he
seemed pleased.  They would arrive no later than one in the afternoon, or,
if possible, earlier.  I wanted to ask about his friend, but decided it was
best to let Dan tell us about him, or her, when we saw them.  Sean came
back into the room as the conversation with Dan came to an end.

"He wants to see us this weekend.  He thinks you should have a will, and
some stuff about trusts.  I think I should update my will, too.  Dan can
take care of that at the same time."

"It's okay with me if he comes this weekend, Ry."

I looked at Sean and smiled knowingly.  He frowned at me.  "What's that
silly smile all about, Ry?" he asked.

"It's just that Dan won't be staying with us.  He is bringing a friend and
they will be staying somewhere else."

"Oh, and do we know the friend?"

"Don't think so."

"Didn't he tell you who it was?  What's his name?"

"He didn't say.  He didn't say if it was a man or a woman."

"Ry, of course it's a man.  For heaven's sake, Dan's gay."

"Maybe he's more bi than gay."

"Bullshit!  Bi guys are wolves in sheep's clothing.  They prefer cock to
cunt, and you know that's true.  It's a cover as far as I am concerned."

"You are pretty harsh, Sean.  It's possible to enjoy sex with men and with
women.  At least there are lots of guys who claim to swing both ways.
Interesting about Dan, isn't it?  Makes you wonder."

"He just got lucky, that's all.  It happens, you know.  Think about us,
Hon.  We fell in love at first sight.  Why wouldn't it be possible for Dan
to have the same experience as we did.?"

We had wandered into the bedroom while we were chatting and were packing
our suitcases.  It was mid morning.

"I think what happened to us, Sean, doesn't happen to most people, straight
or gay.  People usually want to know more about a person.  We seemed to
know all we wanted to know.  I knew the minute I saw you that I wanted you
exclusively for myself.  I was just a wimp and didn't have the balls to ask
you to come home with me.  I left that up to you."

"Hon, you can be very hard on yourself, but I know that you do have balls.
They are large and beautiful, and I like to kiss them.  I asked to go home
with you because I was hopelessly in love with you from the moment I saw
you at the convocation.  I still think it's possible that Dan just fell in
love with someone."

"Yeah, you're right as usual.  Damn you're smart and perceptive.  And sexy.
And a great kisser.  And you have a great cock.  And you have a beautiful
ass.  And your body is to die for.  Other than that, you're just a
run-of-the-mill college dude."  I was laughing, as was Sean.

"And you my dear partner for life, are articulate, educated, cute as hell.
And sexy.  You have a magnificent cock, which is mine exclusively.  And
your ass is something to write a poem about.  And your body is great, that
is, for an old man.  And..."

I was on Sean like the cover on a pan.  We were both laughing as we
struggled for supremacy.  I was getting the better of him, mostly because
he was out of control with laughter.

"I'll show you, crap head, who's an old man," I told him."

I was sitting on his midsection and I had has hands held above his head.
He continued to laugh, tears running down his face.  I leaned forward and
kissed him hard on the lips, forcing my tongue into his mouth.  His arms
were suddenly free and he wrapped them around me, holding me tightly to
him.  The laughter stopped.  There we were like two little boys wrestling
for the fun of it, and then suddenly we both were aware that we couldn't
stop here.  I sat back and pulled my shirt off.  I helped Sean get out of
his shirt.

I licked his pits and moved to his gorgeous nipples where I licked and
sucked and bit.  I was involved in what I was doing, not paying attention
to anything but those nipples.  Suddenly I was on my back, Sean astride me.
He was almost mauling me, his desire was so great.  I didn't stop him.
Before either of us knew it, all of our clothes were strewn about the
bedroom.  In the heat of the moment, I remember little except the pleasure
of our lovemaking.  I wanted nothing else; he was my lover; this was our
lovemaking.  All too soon we revived and quickly began dressing again,
chatting amicably about State and our life there.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

We got our luggage into the Rover, walked around the cabin one last time,
went to the porch and looked out over the lake, then hugged each other a
number of times.  There was no talking; this was a private moment for each
of us.  Saying goodbye to this place, even if it was only for a few months,
continued to be very difficult.  We were on the porch, getting ready to go
to the Rover and leave, when Sean spoke,

"Ry, would you kiss me once more here, at our special spot.  It would mean
a great deal to me."

I didn't answer, I took him into my arms and kissed him with gentleness and
passion, hoping that I was making it clear to him that I, too, wanted this
kiss, this celebration of our time here.  Much that I could not explain had
happened here; Sean's remarkable connection with his parents; the peace he
found here; the sense he now had that he had to live his life to the
fullest, each day, each moment.  For that I would be eternally beholden to
this wonderful place.

"That was a long kiss, Ry.  What happened?  It was like you were with me
physically, but that your mind was somewhere else.  Almost like what
happened to me."

"No, it was not exactly that.  I just was thinking about how this place has
come to mean so much to both of us.  We learned a lot about life and living
here.  And our love has matured."

"Yeah, all that.  And, Hon, this was our honeymoon suite."

"Honeymoon, I thought you preferred hornymoon.  What's happened.?

Sean smiled at me, took my hand, and spoke, "Well, there was a time when I
thought hornymoon, but you know, not anymore.  I learned more about love
than I did sex.  I'm mellowing, I guess.  It comes with age, you know.  You
can tell me about that, Ry.  After all you are old." Sean was laughing
quietly.

I was laughing now, too.  He was so damn cute, I couldn't get angry at him,
not for that little dig.

"Really?  Didn't I show you just a little bit ago that I was not an old
man?  I can take care of you anytime, Baby.  But, as usual, you are
completely right about us and about what happened here.
 See, Baby, you are sensitive and intelligent. and not a crap head.  Love
you, Babe.  Let's go."

Sean smiled that smile; kissed me quickly, took my hand as we headed to the
Rover and to another page in the book of our destiny.

				    II

The ride back to State was boringly uneventful.  We chatted about things we
would have to get done before classes on Monday. We didn't hit on what Sean
would have to decide about the will and trusts when we met with Dan on
Saturday.  I thought it best to let that go for the moment, as I had no
idea how Sean would react to having a will.  At age twenty, or even at
thirty-two, we don't often consider mortality.  Having to consider that
possibility wasn't pleasant for most, but especially for a young man in the
prime of life.  Old people die; young people live!  That would be Sean's
take on life in general.  But maybe not, he had known tragedy in his young
life; perhaps he already knew the happenstance of life.  While my mind was
playing with all this, Sean had been silent.  In fact, I thought that he
might be taking a nap, but that wasn't it, as I was soon to discover.

"Ryan, you know something?"

"What, Babe?"

"I've been thinking; bet that surprises you.  Me thinking?"

"Cut that shit, Sean.  I told you I don't want to hear anymore
self-deprecating nonsense."

"Sorry, I think I was trying to make a funny.  You sound angry, and I don't
like that.  I don't want you to be angry with me when I try to be
lighthearted, funny, or maybe just a wise ass."

"You're right, Baby.  I sometimes get too intense, and some things really
piss me off.  One of them is when you demean yourself.  Come on, Sean, you
are a great guy.  I think you find it hard toforget how you were
psychologically put down by that terrible uncle of yours.  I love you the
way you are, all your bumps and angles, all your faults, and this is one of
them. Give yourself a break, Baby.  Just be your wonderful self,
intelligent, talented, and such a warm, sexy partner."

"Jeez, you make me sound wonderful.  Anyway, I was thinking about the will
thing.  I know we never know when our end will come.  You know, I
understand that we all have to die.  It's just that a guy my age doesn't
often think of that.  We feel we are young and full of energy, and that we
will go on forever.  That isn't true, and if I think about it quietly, I
realize that many young people never live to be old people.  Look at my Mom
and Dad.  They are good examples."

I noticed that, for what I remember as the first time, Sean referred to his
parents as Mom and Dad, not Mommy and Daddy.  Did that mean that something
significant had happened to him at the cabin?  Was he even aware of the
change?  I had been watching for the sign to Marie's and I found it and
took the exit.  Sean immediately noticed.

"Hon, you remembered.  I like this place.  I like the food.  I like the
people.  I love you.  We can talk more at lunch."

"I'm a little hungry so I thought this would be a good place to stop for
food and for a change of pace.  Gets us out of the car, too.  Here we are,
Baby."

We tumbled out of the Rover, stretched our legs, gave each other a hug, and
headed for the door to the restaurant.  What a warm greeting we got from
Marie.  She took us into the quiet room to the table we had on our way to
Brattleboro.  We thanked her and began to look over the menu, waiting for
our waitress.

What a wonderful surprise when Amber came into the room as our waitress.
"When Maire told me you two were here again, I told her that I wanted to be
your waitress again.  If she couldn't accommodate me, I might just quit.
She's a honey and had already selected me to be your waitress.
 So, you two, what has happened since I last saw you?"

Sean spoke up immediately, "Amber, we got married, well it's called a civil
union in Vermont, but for us it is a life-long commitment.  It's like a
marriage, only no one wants to consider it because we are both men."

"Not surprised.  I knew you two were in love.  I hoped that you would stay
together because you are such a perfect couple.  Congratulations.  Now,have
you decided what you want for lunch?"

"I want two cheeseburgers and some fries and a large milk." Sean told her.

"And for you?"

Think I will try the Philadelphia steak sandwich.  And milk."

"Ryan, think I would like the steak sandwich also?"

Amber answered for me, "You sure will, honey.  It's our most popular
sandwich."

"Could you change my order?  Think I can eat two of them?"

Amber again, "Absolutely! So let me check, for you, Sean, two Philadelphia
steak sandwiches and a large milk.  And for you, Ryan, one Philadelphia
steak sandwich and milk.  Fries come with the sandwich along with a cup of
beef barley soup.  Correct?"

"Yes, Amber, correct." I told her.  She hurried from the room to place our
order and bring back the soup.

"She's a lovely person, isn't she, Ry?  I like this place."

"So do I, Baby.  So you want to talk about the will, or whatever?" I asked
him.

Sean looked at me with intensity, almost fear, in his eyes.  "If I should
die before you do, I want everything I own to go to you.  Everything.  But
you have to promise me just one thing.  I don't give a rat's ass what you
do with most of it.  There's just this one thing."

"I know, Sean, I know.  I would never give up the cabin.  Never.  It would
be the only thing that would help me keep my sanity if you were gone.  At
least for a while."

"What do you mean 'for a while'?"

Before I could answer, Amber came back with the soup and milk.  We thanked
her and she left.  Sean wouldn't be put off.

" I asked you, Ry, what do you 'for a while'?"

"I mean... Sean I hate talking about this.  It makes me sad."

"I know, I don't like it either, but we have to do it.  So what do you
mean?"

'I mean that I don't know how long I could go on living without you.  I
would try, but I don't think I would last too long."

"My God, Ryan, are you telling me that you would commit suicide?  Would you
kill yourself?  No!  No! I don't want you to do that.  If anything happened
to me, I would want you to go on living.  I would want you to find another
lover.  I would want you to be happy.  I would...."

There were tears on both sides of the table.  I reached across the table
and took Sean's hand into mine.  Together we shed a few tears thinking
about what might be.  I took his hand and kissed it gently.

"Let's eat the soup before it gets cold.  It will help us get control and
then we can go on with this conversation."

"Go ahead, Ry.  You can eat the soup.  I, I..."

"Baby, you have to eat.  I'm not going to go anywhere, or do anything.  But
you asked me and I had to tell you.  I can't lie to you.  I told you a long
time ago that I wouldn't want to live without you.  You have told me the
same thing.  That will never change for me.  Without you, I would see no
point in going on.  The only thing that would keep me going would be if we
have kids.  That would make a difference.  I would stay with them until
they were grown and educated.  Then I don't know what I would do.  This I
can assure you, though, there would never be another lover.  No one could
ever take your place, no one.  Just forget that.  No other lover.  Never!
Now the tears were flowing freely from my eyes."

Amber came into the room with our sandwiches.  A look of alarm came over
her face as she saw the two of us with tears streaming down our faces.  No
soup had been eaten.

"Should I come back later.?  Is everything okay?  I don't want to interrupt
such a private moment."

"No, it's not what you may think, Amber.  We are discussing wills and last
testaments.  It's a very emotional thing because it assumes one of us will
not be here any longer.  We just made our vows and this is terrifying." I
said.  Sean just shook his head in the affirmative.

"Look, guys, I am not any expert, but I can tell you this.  Making a will
and other legal things won't cause either of you to pass away sooner.  It's
a real sign of love that you would want to make life as good as possible
for your partner.  I am so in awe of you two.  You seem to have a love that
is so strong, so complete that you can't imagine the world, and living
without the other.  You are both young, seem healthy, and are not
foolhardy; I think you can count on a long life.  Forgive me for preaching,
but just enjoy your love.  She put down the food, turned on her heels and
left the room.

"She's a wise woman." said Sean.

"Yeah."

"I do want you to be happy, Ry.  For as long as you live, I want you to
have whatever you need.  That's all I am trying to say."

I just had to hug and kiss Sean.  I got up from the table went around to
the other side, pulled him to his feet, and took him into my arms and
kissed him deeply but with just love, not lust.  He hugged me tightly and
returned my kiss.

"I love you, Ry.  It's that simple."

"And I love you, Sean.  It's that simple."

"I think I'm hungry.  Let's eat."

"A perfectly wonderful idea.  Let's dig in."

Lunch proceeded calmly from that point on.  We would finish the
conversation on the drive home.  We had a wonderful piece of apple pie to
finish off lunch.  We thanked Amber for her good advice and she informed us
that she liked us better smiling than weeping.  She and Marie asked us not
to forget them and we assured them that we would be back.  Perhaps we left
Marie's with a better feeling about our future and about wills.  Our ride
home would tell us much.  ---------------------------------------

It didn't surprise me that for a long stretch of the ride home there was
little conversation.  I had the radio tuned to the public radio station.  I
switched it on and there was symphonicmusicplaying.  It seemed appropriate
to our mood.  I knew that Sean's silence was an indicator of his deep
thought.  I drove on, keeping silent, and before long I, too, was deep in
thought, thinking about many things, but more aware now than ever before in
my life that we cannot know the future.  We need to prepare for it with
wills and such, but they are not predictors either.  They are nets,
established to keep things from falling through, from becoming lost.  I
found it devilishly unnerving to think of Sean going on after I had died.
That for me was more terrifying than thinking about my going on without
Sean.  It was getting later in the December afternoon, and the light was
diminishing.  Darkness would soon be here, even that was an unpleasant
thought.  Sean reached forward and turned off the radio.  Then he spoke:

"Ryan Taylor, if anything ever happened to me and you were left alone, I
need your promise that you would never harm yourself.  I need your promise
that you would go on living, making the most of every day God gives you.
If you don't want another lover, that's okay with me.  In fact, I like the
idea.  But if you should find another person to love, I would want you to
go on with your life and experience love again.  Someday, you and I would
be together again, perhaps not for ions, because we do not know the nature
of time in God's world.  I do know this, Ry, as fate brought us together,
so fate will reunite us in the afterlife.  I am sure of that."

"Sean, I can only promise you this.  I would never have another lover.
That is out of the question.  I will try to go on without you, but it would
be the most difficult thing I have ever been asked to do, but for you,
Lover, I promise.  As to not harming myself, I can't make that promise to
you, Sean, because I don't know what the future will hold.  Sean, could you
make the same promises to me?  Could you?"

Sean glanced at me, tears running down his beautiful face.  He rested his
hand on my arm, gently, not interfering with my driving.  He sat that way
for a long time, looking at me occasionally and then staring into the
darkening late afternoon.  I said nothing, but waited, hoping I would know
how he would answer.

"Ry, I can promise you that there would never be another lover.  I could
never love anyone else in this world as I love you.  I would go on, trying
to be happy.  But, Ry, I want you to know that without you, it would be
very difficult.  For our kids, if we have any, I would go on, caring and
loving them for both of us.  In the end, when we talk about suicide, I
can't promise you that.  I don't know what I would do in those terrible
circumstances.  My faith tells me that it is morally wrong, but without you
I would have less faith.  I know I would question a God who would take you
away from me.  Does that answer your question?"

"Yes."

"I'm not afraid anymore.  I know that we have to face life with realistic
expectations.  We are not going to be happy all the time.  There will be
sad times when we lose loved ones, Aunt Emily, Mom, Dad, close friends.  We
will know illness. We will suffer derision because we are gay and a
committed couple.  We will probably fail at some of our undertakings.  But
if we are together through those times, we will become stronger and our
love will only grow and mature.  I will always love you, Hon, but I realize
that our love will change as we move through life.  When I see Mom and Dad,
still so much in love, not a lustful love, but a quiet, serene love, I know
what happens to two people who truly love each other.  I think we love each
other like that.  I am confident that we can handle the disappointments and
the tragedies of life together; they may put wrinkles on our faces, but
they will enlarge the capacity of hearts to love."

There was silence.  Finally I got myself together emotionally enough to
tell Sean this:

"There, Sean, is an example of how intelligent and mature and thoughtful
you are.  What you just said speaks volumes about your sensitivity and your
capacity for love.  You amaze me, Baby.  I don't think I could say what you
just said with as much eloquence, as much intelligence, and as much
sincerity as you did.  That's just one of the reasons why I love you as I
do."

For that I got a quick kiss on the cheek and a squeeze of my thigh.  I knew
in that moment that we had passed an emotional roadblock.  We would be free
now to handle the difficult notion of life and death.  The promises we had
just made, or might not, ever be called upon for fruition, but they gave us
a notion of what we would and wouldn't do.  Only time and the unraveling of
life would tell us more.

The music played on, and we drove closer and closer to our home.  It seemed
almost impossible that so much time had passed, but I found myself pulling
into the parking lot at our townhouse.  I pulled into a parking place,
turned the key, and the engine stopped.  I unfastened my seat belt, moved
to my lover and gave him a sincere and loving kiss.  He returned it.

We took our belongings from the Rover and walked to the townhouse door.
After unlocking the door, we went into the entry.  There in the darkness,
we welcomed each other back to our home.

It just felt right.  We were home.

(to be continued)

I welcome comments about the story.  You may email me at
niki200sc@yahoo.com.