It was raining and I'd decided to take a walk after lunch. You see, I loved walking in the rain. I thought it was romantic, and can only hope that I would have someone enjoying the walk with me one day.

For now, I was walking alone, the rain coming down softly on me bringing back lots of old memories. I'd asked myself why I still loved Andy, why I did not give myself one more chance to love again, why I gave up every chance I had. I didn't know the answer until one day I talked with Roy...

"Roy, why do you have so many girlfriends?"

"For fun."

"But it's not true love."

"I am still young and this way, I'd have more opportunities to find the right one."

"Oh..."

"Brother, maybe you should give yourself a chance to choose too."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"You know exactly what I am referring to."

"Roy, I don't want to talk about this."

"Why can't you forget that jerk?"

"I've told you hundreds of times that he's not a jerk!"

"Then why you don't give yourself another chance?!"

"I...I don't know..."

"Brother, it's precisely because you can't have him that you always miss him, and think that you love him the most. But maybe if you guys got together, who knows, you'd break up after a short time. Face the reality, Tin. We always want most the things that are unattainable, it's human nature. You'd always miss him because of that..and maybe only because of that.."

Upon hearing that, I could not stop myself from crying. Roy moved beside me and hugged me tight. "Sorry brother, I...I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry, please forgive me."

Roy, maybe you are right but I couldn't forget Andy, I don't know how to. If I could turn back the hands of time and, given the chance, I'd still choose to fall in love with Andy. I've no regrets. Not now, not in the future, not ever.

The raindrops were getting bigger and the rain was coming down harder on me. I decided to head back before I catch a cold.

When I reached my house, I could hear the phone inside so I closed the door and ran into the kitchen to pick up the phone.

"Hello," I said.

"Hey, Tin. It's me, Amy."

"Hi, Amy. How are you?"

"I am good. Joe and I want to invite you for dinner with us tonight."

"You're not trying to introduce someone to me this time?"

"No! We have something very important to tell you. Joe said he doesn't want to tell you through the phone. So come to Joe's tonight, ok?"

"You are cooking?"

"Yeah."

"Then I better eat something before coming over."

"Hey!"

"Just joking, Amy. I will arrive about 6, ok?"

"Yeah, fine to me. See you at 6 then."

"Yeah, 6. Bye, Amy."

"Bye."

I hung up the phone and looked out the window. It was still raining. I don't know why but I found myself walking out to the garden and sitting down on my swing again. The swing was wet but I didn't care. As I looked at the sky, the raindrops fell on my face. I could almost feel it soaking through my body, the water seeping deep down to my heart, filling me up, drowning me with misery. Suddenly the dam burst and my tears fell in tandem with the rain. Maybe I wanted to cry with the sky, at least I had a companion in that. And so I sat there for a long time...

Someone's voice jolted me out of my reverie. Someone was yelling my name. I didn't turn around to response, I just kept looking up at the sky. Then I felt somebody pulling my left arm. I looked at him.

"Hi, Roy."

"Hi? You said hi? What are you doing out here?" He was kind of angry.

I didn't answer his question. Instead, I looked up the sky. "You know what? Today is August 7th."

"Brother, are you ok? Please don't scare me." He was starting to worry.

"That day, it was raining too."

"What day? What are you talking about, Tin?"

"Roy, you don't understand me."

It was raining quite heavily by then so Roy decided to bring me back into the house. As I was reluctant to leave the swing, he carried me in. Both of us were soaked to the skin. He brought me to the bathroom and turned on the water. In a short time, the bathtub was filled with hot water. He quickly took off my clothes and put me in the tub. Then he took his clothes off and went in too.

I was so cold that my body kept shaking so Roy used his body to keep me warm. I knew then why Roy had so many girlfriends. He was a very caring person. We'd never talked about our relationship before, we avoided mentioning it. But both of us knew that what we had was strong, and we didn't want to complicate matters beyond that. That was the only time Roy showed his true feelings to me. He looked at me and sobbed, hugging me tightly...

About 5:45, I left for Joe's. Roy had wanted to drive me there but I insisted that I was fine and could take care of myself. He gave in reluctantly but not after cautioning me to be careful and to take it easy.

The sky was still raining when I arrived at Joe's at 5:55 and pushed the doorbell. After a few seconds, Joe came to open the door. I walked in and gave him a hug.

"Hi, buddy," I said.

"Are you ok, Tin? Your face is so pale."

"I am fine. Just a little bit tired."

We walked into the kitchen where Amy was busy cooking.

"Hi, Amy. How are you?" I gave her a hug too.

"I am good. Sit down, dinner in 10 minutes."

Joe and I sat down and Amy gave me a cup of hot tea. I took a sip and asked, "Why did you invite me to dinner tonight? I think Amy said you have something important to tell me."

"Well, I'd like to leave that til later. Not now, but after dinner. Is it ok?"

"Yeah, sure," I replied.

Then we fell silent. I hated the silence, because I could feel that Joe wanted to ask me something but could not bring himself to. And I knew what kind of things he wanted to ask.

"Tin, Roy called me before you arrived."

I didn't answer him. I picked up my cup and took a sip of tea.

"And he told me what happened this afternoon," Joe said.

I put down my cup. I didn't want to face Joe. I just looked at the tea and my reflection in it.

"It's already 3 years now, Tin." Yeah, he left me 3 years ago, August 7th.

"Joe, you are different from the others. You understand me, so please don't tell me the same things I've been hearing from those other people."

"But I don't want to see you hurt yourself, Tin."

"I thought you'd understand..."

"Yeah, I understand but..." Joe sighed, "you are running away again."

"Sor..sorry, Joe." I started to cry again, I couldn't control my tears. "I..I didn't mean to run away. I just..just..I.."

Joe walked beside me and hugged me. "Shh...that's ok. That's ok, buddy. Sorry, didn't mean to make you cry." Then he turned around and yelled, "Amy!"

Amy noticed that I was crying so she pushed Joe away and hugged me. "Hey, Tin, don't cry. Everything is ok. Shh..go to the washroom and wash your face. Took a deep breath."

Amy's voice could always calm me down. I took a deep breath. "Yeah, everything is fine." Amy let go of me and I walked to the washroom.

I cleaned myself up, using the cold water to wash my face. I took another deep breath and tried to compose myself. I looked in the mirror. My face was so white that I had to take another deep breath to steady myself before walking out of the washroom. I headed back to the kitchen and apologized to Joe and Amy.

The dinner was very good and I felt much better after that. Amy kept talking to me, making jokes or saying anything to keep me occupied and distracted. I drank a lot too and felt kind of dizzy.

After dinner, Joe told me that Amy and him were getting married at the end of the year. I was so happy for them. I hugged them and congratulated them. About 9, I decided to head back home. Amy and Joe wouldn't let me drive, they wanted to call Roy to pick me up.

"Or I could give you a ride," Joe gave me another option.

"No, I am fine," I insisted.

Just then, the doorbell rang. Amy went to open the door. After few seconds, she walked back to the living room with someone. I saw those beautiful eyes again. They were shining with an iridescent sparkle.

"Hi, Scott," I said.

"Hi, Tin. Happy to see you again."

"Yeah, me too."

"Why you are here, Scott?" Joe asked.

"Hey, you said you'd lend me your digital camera."

"Oh! I've totally forgotten about that. Wait a sec." Then Joe ran upstairs to get the camera.

"Want anything to drink? Coffee or tea?" Amy asked Scott.

"Tea is fine," Scott said.

Scott sat down beside me as Amy went to the kitchen.

We didn't say anything, just like the first time we met. After a few minutes, Joe was back in the living room with the camera. Then Amy came in with a cup of tea for Scott. They chatted some, but I wasn't paying attention. My head was so dizzy so I sat on the sofa to rest. After 10 minutes or so, Scott said he needed to go. Amy asked, "Scott, can you give Tin a ride? He's drunk."

"Sure," Scott said.

I was too dizzy to say anything so Joe carried me into Scott's car. Amy gave me a plastic bag and said, "If you want to puke, do it in the bag."

Joe told Scott where I lived, then Scott pulled the car on the road. I must have passed out then...

 

Scott's point of view

The first time I met Tin, I thought he's very cute. We didn't talk too much then.

I've never been in love before and I've never told anyone that I was gay. But one day when I was working in the office, Joe found me with a gay porn movie. I was so embarrassed but he didn't tell anyone. He didn't mind too. So we became good friends. Then one night, Joe's girlfriend dragged me out of my house. They were going clubbing and wanted me to come along. That was the first time I met Tin. I didn't have any feelings for him then, I only thought that he's very cute.

The second time I saw Tin was in Joe's home. He was drunk and Amy asked me to give him a ride...

He fell asleep in my car. He looked so peaceful when he slept. I tried to keep my eyes on the road but it was so hard. I kept turning my head to look at him. His face was so red and he was as cute as I remembered, maybe even more so. My heart was beating very fast and I'd never had that kind of feeling before.

"Andy..."

I looked at him. He was talking in his sleep. He looked so pained as silent tears rolled down his cheeks. I didn't wake him up, I don't know why. Instead, I parked my car at the side of the road and looked at him. I don't know what came over me then. I just felt that I had to protect him. I wanted to protect him..forever. I felt myself moving toward him and then my lips were on his. He's still asleep so I kissed him harder. I felt so guilty for kissing him yet so high at the same time. He tasted so sweet...

When I reached his home, I carried him out as he was still asleep. I tried waking him up but he just kept on sleeping. It was quite hard carrying him but I made it to his door and pushed the doorbell.

When his brother opened the door, I reluctantly gave him to his brother. I had a strange sensation then, I didn't want to give him to anyone. I wanted him with me...

As I walked back to my car, I touched my lips. I could still feel his lips upon mine.

tbc