Date: Sun, 27 Mar 2016 23:43:07 +0100
From: Sam Bam <mansambambam@gmail.com>
Subject: The suite saga part 14

Please do donate to nifty http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html and keep the
place full of fun.

Check out my previous series here
http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/college/angsty-alexander/

Thanks for the lovely messages, I'm having fun moving this forward, please
send any feedback to the email above or find me on tumblr
mansambam.tumblr.com



"So I wasn't wrong about that kiss?" Blue asks upset.

"No, you are never wrong about what I am feeling, I can't hide anything
from you." Gervais says.

"Why let me think it was all in my head? I've been second guessing every
one of my instincts since." Blue says.

"To protect myself. Look we need to talk but I need to speak to Jesse right
now. I can't believe he told you to stay away. For weeks I've been asking
him what he thought I'd done and he knew the whole time that you were
staying away because of him." Gervais says.

"Don't throw him away over this. He was doing what he thought was best for
you guys." Blue says. Gervais shakes his head and leaves the room.  Blue
lies back in a daze utterly confused. He cannot understand why Gervais
wouldn't want to be with him if he feels just as strongly. Blue starts to
analyse everything. He'd previously figured he just wasn't attractive to
other men, as everyone he dated so far has gone with another option. But
now Gervais is saying he likes him more than Jesse but doesn't want to be
with him and it is so confusing.

Gervais is hopping mad with Jesse. He can't believe his boyfriend would
tell Blue to stay away when he knows Blue is his main support system. He
can't believe Jesse has held him night after night when he has cried over
Blue and not said a word.

"Why did you tell Blue to stay away?" Gervais shouts unable to keep his
feelings in check.

"He was stifling us, we couldn't grow with him always there waiting to
catch you and steal you away from me." Jesse says.

"I chose you over him. He wanted us to be together and I wanted to stay
friends. Why wasn't that enough for you? Why didn't you trust me?" Gervais
asks.

"Come on, he barely let you get dressed without buttoning your shirt for
you. He was always there, staring at you, wanting you. It was
embarrassing." Jesse says.

"So why did you hide it? Why let me think I'd done something wrong?"
Gervais asks.

"Because you'd react like this and I'd lose you. I did what I did to keep
us together, to give us a chance to become something. We'd never have made
the shift to a real relationship with Blue hanging around." Jesse says.

"I need Blue in my life. I am miserable without him to talk to, my anxiety
is worse, I panic more. Yoga was the first thing that really worked for me,
that really helped me with my nightmares and when I felt out of
control. You took that away from me. I feel like you wanted a broken me so
you had the upper hand and not a strong me. I'm done. I can't trust you."
Gervais says close to panic.

"We'll talk when I'm back. Babe we can work through this. We're stronger
now, I can learn to deal with Blue." Jesse whines.

"No, we're done." Gervais says and feels a huge sense of relief. He shuts
down facetime and heads back into Blue's room.

Meanwhile on the wrestling trip Spence and Robin are sharing a room, there
were not enough twin rooms to go round so they volunteered to take a
king. Robin has been single since the Madeline incident and is just dating
occasionally. Spence has yet to meet anyone he is interested in, not that
he's been looking too hard. He needs time to heal.

"It's been so long since we competed I feel so out of shape." Robin says.

"I know I'm in shape but I still feel nervous." Spence says.

"I guess we thought just being club we wouldn't have big meets like this."
Robin says.

"Yeah. I've loved it being just for fun. But I'm excited to be competing
against people I don't know. I think it's easy to get lazy at club, we know
each other too well." Spence says.

"True and you might find someone you like here." Robin says wiggling his
eyebrows.

"I might. What about you? Had any good dates recently?" Spence asks.

"Not really. I'm just going to be single a while. Are you really looking
around or taking Andy back?" Robin asks.

"He really is trying hard to show me I can trust him. It's been really nice
recently, I've had my best friend back and I've loved the three of us have
been hanging out again. It's been brilliant. Of course I miss the intimacy
we had, I miss sex, I miss him pestering me for it, even though I hated it
sometimes. He always made me feel desirable. But I am still really hurt by
what he did." Spence says.

"He did fuck things up but he knows that. He isn't excusing it or blaming
you for not opening up." Robin says.

"You don't think I'd be a fool?" Spence asks.

"You'd be a fool if you let him do it again. But no I don't think you would
be if you forgave him this time. He has given up all that fucking around,
he really has. Can you get past that, or will you always see him with
someone else when you're in bed?" Robin asks.

"When he first brought up playing around and having threeways I felt ill, I
thought I would puke for days. But now the idea of watching him fuck
someone else gets me so fucking hot." Spence says adjusting his shorts as
dick is growing fast.

"So your room will be orgy central?" Robin laughs.

"Something like that. Losing him has loosened me up or maybe it's all the
porn I've been watching. I just want to explore everything with him and not
alone or with someone new. I just don't know if I trust myself to get this
right." Spence says.

"You don't have to. The worst that happens, he fucks up again and you end
it for real. Three years is a lot to throw away." Robin says.

"I know but he threw it away not me. It meant fuck all to him when he went
out looking to fuck." Spence says.

"Do you think he'll be with anyone this weekend?" Robin asks.

"He's sent my like 20 dick pics already. If he is with anyone he'd much
rather be with me." Spence says.

"Take him back. You need to get him out your system before you can date
anyone new and there are too many whatifs right now for you to do
that. Plus thinking about him is making you super hard." Robin laughs.

"Sorry I can't help it." Spence says getting off the bed to go to the
bathroom to get off.

"Wait, you don't need to do it in there." Robin says.

"Gay men turn you on since your time with Blue?" Spence asks slightly
unsure.

"No, maybe, maybe being watched is good." Robin says.

"Does Blue watch you?" Spence asks.

"No, he's walked in a couple of times but never watched properly." Robin
says.

"Do you want him too?" Spence asks straining in his briefs.

"Maybe. I'm super curious about him. I mean he's hot and rich and a
virgin. Or was before John. He liked me and I'm curious if I would really
get him going." Robin says.

"Last time you tried it was a big fail and since you stopped sharing a bed
he found a boyfriend. So leave him alone." Spence says.

"Oh I will. But we can still both fapp here. You'll never shift that rocket
without." Robin says.

"Is it not weird for you?" Spence asks.

"Nah, is it for you?" Robin asks.

"I'm too fucking horny to care." Spence grins and wriggles out of his
shorts letting his thick cock free.

Robin undresses also then gets up and grabs the lotion from the
bathroom. They lean back together on the big bed and start
stroking. Curious they watch each other and then switch hands. Neither
lasts too long, excitement and novelty bring them off.


Back in the suite.  "What did he say?" Blue asks when Gervais comes back
in.  "It doesn't matter I ended it." Gervais says.  "But why?" Blue asks.
"I don't trust him. He lied to me over and over. He was already exhausting
me and didn't care that I was getting unwell." Gervais says.  "You're not
well?" Blue asks with concern.  "The nightmares are back and I am panicking
more and more. I'm two steps from going back to full hermit mode." Gervais
says.  "And you couldn't ask me for help because I left every room you
walked in to." Blue says.  "And I'm not your responsibility." Gervais says.
"But I care about you and I should have made sure me backing off was what
you needed. I'm really sorry. I knew something was up but I stopped
trusting my instincts around you." Blue says unhappy with himself.  "That's
my fault. Can we cuddle and make up?" Gervais asks motioning to the bed.
Blue nods and shifts onto his back, Gervais climbs up next to him and lies
on his chest.  "Can you explain why you chose Jesse? Was it because I'm so
inexperienced?" Blue asks.  "Oh baby it was not because of that. I have
really, really strong feelings for you. You know that. I rely on you a lot,
and maybe I shouldn't but right now I'm falling apart without you." Gervais
begins.  "We'll work on coping strategies. We'll get you well and you
should rely on me for that and when you're in a good place we'll work out
how to wean you off me." Blue says.  "There you go putting me first,
totally selfless. But I need to explain, I owe you that, before we make any
plans.  You are pretty insecure about men, relationships, sex. I feel like
maybe if you had a successful relationship with someone like me your
confidence would grow and you'd soon be off to be with someone more your
level.  You are so good looking and smart and caring and rich, a lot of
guys would want you but they expect you to make the first move. Once you
have a bit of confidence and understand how things work I wouldn't get a
look in.  I would much rather have you as my friend forever than have you
as a boyfriend for a couple of months. I don't think I'd survive a breakup
with you. I thought that when I chose Jesse and I think it even more given
how hard the last few weeks have been without you." Gervais says, every
word spoken slowly and softly, chosen with complete care.  "What do you
mean my level?" Blue asks.  "Hot guys. Tens." Gervais says.  "You are a ten
to me." Blue says quietly.  "Oh honey you know I am not all that. I'm a
mess with a messy past." Gervais says.  "You have 2 guys who want you and I
have none. I am a total loser. So far I have fooled around with a guys with
a boyfriend who I ran out on and can't ever face again, been in love with
my straight roommate, turned down by you for Jesse, turned down by Mac for
someone else and rejected by John for his straight best friend. Five
losses, no wins. I am not a good bet." Blue says.  "You have had a run of
bad luck." Gervais says.  "I just don't think I'll ever find anyone. I
don't think the sort of guys I like will ever like me back. And maybe it is
what you said, I'm expected to approach them and I don't have the
confidence yet and if they approached me I'd probably think they were too
pushy like Brad and run away." Blue laughs.  "That day at climbing, what
would have happened if you had taken me back not Jesse?" Gervais asks
changing the subject not really wanting to think about Blue with other
guys, not right now.  "I would have made you some hot tea and once you'd
drunk it and felt calmer I'd have taken your hand and walked round the lake
with you, pointing out all the wildlife and plants to distract you from
everything else. We'd have sat down and watched the water and I'd have put
my arm round you and waited for you to be ready to talk. You'd have nuzzled
against me, a bit like this and told me what was bothering you, or maybe
said nothing at all because you weren't ready. I'd have fought off the urge
to kiss your neck and stroke your hair but I would have wanted to very
much. We'd have sat and talked or stayed silent until we heard the others
coming back. We'd have walked round the rest of the way and you'd have gone
to be with Jesse and I would have checked in with Andy and Spence." Blue
says dreamily.  "That sounds perfect; I wish we'd had that day." Gervais
says.  "Me too. It's a shame neither of us has a car as we could have gone
out tomorrow." Blue says.  "I'm sorry I made you feel bad about
yourself. You really are a great guy inside and out." Gervais says.  "Then
be my boyfriend. I would never be as fickle as you imagine. I would never
promise forever but I would never, ever treat you badly." Blue says.  "Blue
I love you, I really do but I just can't take that leap. We are really
great as friends and I don't see us ever being more. I don't want to give
you false hope." Gervais says.  "But you said you were jealous when I was
with John. You like me that way, I know you do. If I'm so great why are you
holding out for better?" Blue asks utterly frustrated.  "I'm not. I don't
want a relationship at all, I'm not ready." Gervais says.  "Okay. Are you
really sure there is no hope?" Blue asks quietly.  "Blue Sky you need
someone worthy of you. Not a bit on the side, not something fake but
something real with someone who is your equal. You'll find him, once we're
over these breakups we'll go looking." Gervais says.  "You are my
equal. For sure it took me a little while to see what was in front of me,
it took a while to get to know you but when you let me in I loved you. I
don't think you are complicated, you are a product of your past, in the
same way we all are. You can be moody just like me, you can be quiet and
you can be chatty. People think you're shy but you're just quiet, you have
a lot of confidence in yourself because you have faced so much and
survived.  You are beautiful head to toe, you have beautiful blond hair,
you have the deepest blue eyes, someone as pale as you I'd expect to have
light eyes too but they're not they're deep and strong like you are. I love
your pretty lips and pale neck, your cute earlobes that I always just want
to bite. I love how your body is small with its sexy definition as you get
stronger, I love the downy hair on your ass, your soft stomach and your
perfect little feet, I love how your toes are so tiny and cute with rounded
ends." Blue says tracing his hand over his friend.  "No." Gervais says as
Blue leans in to kiss him. Blue pulls back straight away and then turns on
his side to face away embarrassed at how hard he is.

"I'm sorry. I want you to get better, I want to help you be more stable but
I don't think I can bury my feelings. I need some space to get over
you. I'm not trying to blackmail you into being my boyfriend, please don't
think I would ever do that." Blue says quietly.

"So you don't want to be my friend?" Gervais asks.

"I feel like I'm going through 2 breakups in one day and I've not had a
boyfriend yet. I'm sorry. I'll work on it. I'm not going to throw away our
friendship, of course I won't. If I'm getting too clingy or too close tell
me off. Don't let me ever make you feel uncomfortable." Blue says.

"You never make me feel uncomfortable. You are the only man I ever
fantasize about fucking me. You are the only man who can always touch me
without me ever recoiling. I have never felt safer with anyone. It would be
so easy to be with you. But I wouldn't grow. I would lean on you more than
ever and right now I need to be independent." Gervais says.

"If you get better we could be together. When you're ready. You've grown so
much since we first met, I know I've helped. I don't understand how us
being together could be bad." Blue says.

"I told you I don't want to give you false hope. I don't want you waiting
for me. We're going to get me better and find you a boyfriend." Gervais
says.

"No, that's not right." Blue says.

"What do you mean?" Gervais asks.

"I don't want anyone's help finding a boyfriend like I'm some charity
case. You all keep telling me I'm a catch then in the same breath say you
wouldn't actually date me yourself. Then you all go on about helping my
find someone, Spence with the apps, Andy in the club and now you. You all
make me feel worthless, useless and undateable." Blue says.

"But you keep ending up in hopeless situations. You just need some
guidance." Gervais says.

"You all pushed me at Brad when you had no idea what he was like. Let me
trust my instincts and make my mistakes." Blue says.

"I think we are all jealous of you. You've everything that puts you at the
top of many guys wish-list and we all think if we were you we'd be taking
full advantage. It's frustrating to see you fail." Gervais says.

"So you see me as a failure?" Blue asks utterly fed up.

"No, I just don't see you reaching your potential." Gervais says.

"Well where am I going wrong? You won't go out with me because of something
you think might happen in the future or because you're not ready to date. I
can't do anything about that, I can't do anything to fix myself for
you. Robin is straight, again nothing I can do about that. Mac and John
were in to other people, Brad had a boyfriend and I wasn't in to him
anyway. So I need to stop going after people who don't want me, which given
they say yes to a date is kind of hard to know in advance.

How do I make myself attractive to someone like you, who isn't you, and who
is single?" Blue asks only half joking.

"I'm sorry. Here we are telling you you're doing it wrong when other than
faking it with John you were doing the right thing. Meeting guys and asking
them out. I guess we all think it would be easy being you but at the end of
the day we don't have an unlimited pool of guys to choose from, even fewer
if we think about wanting a relationship." Gervais says.

"You'll regret getting rid of Jesse and turning me down when you are ready
to date." Blue says.

"No doubt, you will always be the hottest guy I turned down." Gervais says.

"If you change your mind I'm here." Blue says turning round to face
Gervais.

"You are so amazing. You'll find someone and they will be the luckiest guy
alive." Gervais says.

"Are you absolutely sure I shouldn't wait for you?" Blue asks not quite
willing to give up hope on the person he feels is right for him.

"I'm certain." Gervais says and Blue's eyes fill with tears.

They lie facing each other, fully clothed until they fall asleep.

Robin goes out in the second round of the competition on Saturday and
spends the day chatting up women in the audience, in his usual way of
asserting his straightness. He knows a few people watching from high school
competitions and has fun catching up. He makes full use of the hotel room
with a couple of girls while Spence is still competing.

On Saturday Andy spends the day with his family. He hasn't yet told them
about his break up and is really hoping he won't have to. On Sunday he
heads over to Spence's house, he needs to pick up a few things for school
for them both. He's been texting Spence all day to see how the competition
is going and because he misses him. He plans to spend the night in their
old room to feel close to him, to remind himself of what they once had.

He has enjoyed seeing what is out there but he has missed Spence terribly
and whilst he had a lot of fun no encounter was anything close to what he
had with Spence and none of the guys were anything like as hot. Andy isn't
that hung up on looks but it is nice to wake up to a beautiful face each
morning. He needs to win his boyfriend back. He knows he can be faithful
this time. The STIs were a shock and the knowledge that he's hurt Spence
physically and mentally affected him more than he imagined possible.

He sends Spence a bunch of pictures taken in places that mean something to
them as a couple and Spence is delighted. He uses the happiness to spur
himself on each round wanting to make Andy proud and have good news. He
knows he'll be back with Andy in a day and he can't wait to hold him again,
to be in his arms.  Spence easily wins his class and feels on top of the
world. He tells Robin he wants to go back to school a day early, they round
up a couple of others who want to do the same and head back to campus
Sunday night.

Andy is in the suite pacing the floor waiting for Spence to come back. He
is sure Spence is ready and is coming back for him. Earlier he spoke with
Blue and Gervais and seeing them being so fucking miserable apart has
doubled his determination to be with Spence.

Robin comes through the door first and Andy practically pushes him aside to
get to his man. Robin quickly slips into his room leaving the two staring
at each other.

"Yes, I want you back, lets try again." Spence says after a few minutes of
silence.

"Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo." Andy screams, picking Spence
up and kissing him.

"You cannot fuck it up this time." Spence says once Andy puts him down.

"I won't not ever. I know I have the best with you." Andy says.

"I'm a lot more open to trying things now though. We should absolutely open
up our bed." Spence says.

"But not for a bit, I need to get properly reacquainted." Andy says
grinning so hard.

"Maybe you should tie me up and use me." Spence says half shy, half
excited.

"I think we need to have a shopping trip." Andy says.

"I think so, lots of talking and kissing and shopping. Good job tomorrow is
a holiday from school." Spence says.

"Oh no, you will not be leaving that bed tomorrow, shopping can wait." Andy
laughs.

"I am going to be so tight." Spence laughs.

"Stop teasing me." Andy grins back. The trust is back for them both,
somehow everything has clicked back into place and they are going to be
stronger than ever.