Date: Fri, 20 Apr 2012 13:26:52 +0100
From: Charles Wolfe <c.sportswolfe@gmail.com>
Subject: The Ultimate Man- Chapter 10

      Monday and Tuesday after the tournament were a whole lot more relaxed
than the previous week. If knowledge of my attack was not previously known
around campus, the gathering of gay players definitely heightened it. Thing
was though, since it was a show of support, most didn't really care. More
people around the campus just began to associate me with gay sports instead
of just being the gay that was attacked. While I normally do not care to be
associated with one thing in particular, gay sports is something that I am
ok with.

      Monday was a relaxed day, several of the students commenting in
between each other about the hot pirates that were seen or the models
running around in their underwear. In a few of the classes a few of the
guys and girls would look at me, the girls lusting in their eyes for the
men that they saw and the guys worry about how they were being emasculated
against gay men.

       I briefly saw Michael in English but before either of us could talk,
we disappeared into different directions, me searching for him and I am
sure he was probably searching for me. I sent him a text asking if he
wanted to talk but didn't get a response till practice started. He did but
didn't know when or where.

      Speaking of practice, the girls would not stop talking about the
pirates and models. They kept saying "If only he was straight..., Pity he
had to be gay... Chris you have it lucky..." and other such comments. I was
amused but sided with the guys when it came to actually finding men like
that. I mean don't get me wrong, Kyle is amazing but to have the body of a
model would have been a major score. It is one of those wishes that we all
want in life.

      Tuesday's classes were more or less back to normal. There were tests
announced that would be held before Thanksgiving break. The General stopped
by for lunch, letting me know he was heading back to Sacramento to check on
the house and prep for Thanksgiving. I tried telling him that he shouldn't
start so soon but he insisted, more wanting to get back home than
anything. His talk of home brought up the thought of returning for break. I
wasn't sure how it would be seeing all my old friends, those who went to
college and those who stayed. It would also be interesting seeing my old
boyfriend Tay. Brushing it off, I figured I would deal with it when it came
to that point.

      When Wednesday came around I knew something was up with Michael. He
had moved out of his normal set to the opposite side of the class, sitting
near the window instead of close to the door. Several times throughout
Mrs. Steiner's lecture, I caught him gazing out over the college
grounds. After class, I moved in for the strike, catching him as he walked
out the door. "Hey Michael, are you ok? You looked kind of out of it
today." Resting my cast on his shoulder, we move down the hallway.

      "To be honest, I really don't know what's up. I feel so... out of
it. There are so many things on my mind, I'm having trouble focusing."
Finding some seating at the end of the corridor, I move to sit down,
patting the seat next to me.

      "Sit and spill. There is something big that is eating your mind." I
focus on him, not caring about the hustle of students around us. I know my
class starts in ten minutes but the face on Michael says that he needs to
talk.

      Conflict storms in his dark blue eyes as he drops onto the
couch. Dropping his backpack, he sighs heavily then breaks. "I really don't
know what to do anymore. The more I think about it, the harder it is to say
I'm not. I just want to get back to being me and not have to think about
it."

      Slightly confused, I blatantly ask quietly, "Just so I know we are on
the same page, you are talking about being gay right?" My hands interlace
their fingers as I rest them into my lap.

      Michael glances around the hall, and then starts playing with his
shirt. Not looking me in the eye he states blankly, "Yea, I think I am
gay." Moving his gaze to the cold ceramic floor, his eyes are starting to
fill with water.

      He pauses for a few seconds then continues, "I don't know, I feel an
attraction to men but it feels wrong. I feel disgusted at times for looking
at my teammates. How do you play with the Frisbee guys without dreaming
about them?" The dam is filled up to his eyelids, drips of the water
seeping over and dripping down the smooth skin of his face.

      "I'm not going to lie Mike, at first I was deeply in love with Pike."
Trying to lighten the mood, I playfully continue, "I used to jack off to
him a few times before I found out that he was straight. After that it was
a blow for me. I still do occasionally think of having sex with a few of
the teammates, my roommates a few times as well." Reverting back to a sober
tone, "But I remind myself of how awkward it might become if I were to have
sex with them. What I began to do to get over them was to think of them as
brothers and family. You must feel slightly the same, your rugby team as a
family for you."

      Michael looks out forward, not facing me but the stairs heading down
to the lobby. "I guess. It just is so hard at times. I mean, you have seen
some of the guys on the team, they are fit as fuck."

      Chuckling to myself, "Yea, if I was not seeing Kyle, I would love to
see how many of your teammates are gay, or at least curious. The bodies
that you have for that sport are insane."

      "If you don't mind me asking, what is the deal with you and Kyle? You
keep saying that you are seeing him but is he even your boyfriend?" A hard
stare falls upon me, the dam having receded.

      Feeling myself suddenly on the spot, I almost wish Michael had just
started balling. Talking about the relationship that was not yet defined
with Michael was going to be tricky. He was very cute in my book, his arms
defined through the light blue sleeved shirt. The black North Face jacket
covered his chest but the tightness of the cut sleeve made for an illusion
of larger arms.

      "What I have with Kyle is complicated. We haven't really talked about
the whole relationship issue but how would you feel if someone you were
seeing started seeing someone else? I do admit Kyle and I need to sort out
what is going on, not going to lie there." It was my turn to turn away from
Michael, not wanting to face up to me having feelings for him as well.

      I don't know if it was just my wanting to help him come out or what
but I saw a younger self in him, lost and confused till someone
helped. Problem was, that person who helped me was also my first love, my
first sexual experience, and first breakup.

      All Michael said to me following my admission was "Oh."

      "Not really helpful there Michael", I thought to myself as we both
shifted uneasily in our chairs. Attempting to move the subject to a topic
pertaining back to Michael I clear my voice and start, "Well besides me,
have you told anyone that you are gay? Your roommates? Family?"

      A pained expression overcomes Michael when I said roommates, knowing
that had just become a touchy situation. "Well actually... my roommate is
the Rugby captain. As fate would have it. He entered for housing late and
my room was the only option left. Telling him is what worries me the
most. He is the most influential over the team, but he is my roommate."

      Slightly shocked, I blink a few times. What would have happened if
Pike and I were roomed together? That might have turned out quite awkward
at first as well... But here it is nearing the end of the semester so
hopefully Michael might have an easier time.

      "Let's tell him. I will be there with you the entire time for support
and it might actually be good that he is the first you tell. You two have
gotten to know each other the entire semester so it would be fitting he is
the first to know. And being the captain, the others will listen to him." I
didn't bring up the worst comes to worst part, knowing that it could be
dirty, Michael being excluded from the team, forced from his room, ousted
to the school, just a few of the many things that could result from it
going sour.

      "What? You want me to come out to Bryce? No way." Michael makes it
very clear to me that he is dead set against it. He rushes to gather his
things but I try one more time to calm him down, knowing my time is running
out on talking with him. It is a delicate balance trying to help someone
come to terms with being gay.

      "Ok, I won't pressure you into doing anything you don't want to. That
is my number one rule. But just think about it ok?" I move to get my
backpack, slinging it through my cast and over my shoulder. How I am
looking forward to getting this thing off.

      Michael looks torn; his gaze conflicted when looking into my eyes. I
try to reassure him, plead with him with my eyes, but it is futile. Not
saying anything else, Michael just turns and walks away.

      The rest of the day and week was me thinking about him. Classes were
a drag, the mid-season blues taking effect. Practice on Thursday was the
second biggest highlight of the week for me, perfecting my left hand throw
a bit more. When the cast finally comes off, I swear I will be
ambidextrous. After practice I got a text from Michael, him saying that he
is up for talking to Bryce.

      Friday came around quickly, me trying to figure the best way to help
Michael. I wanted to make it as easy for him as possible. I wanted to
approach him during English class but strangely he was not there. I sent
him a text asking where he was but he didn't respond back. I continued
through the day, finishing up the history lecture early. Being the last
class for the day, I quickly headed back to my dorm, constantly checking on
my phone hoping Michael will message back. Instead though, I hear a knock
on the door, answering it to see Michael standing there. He looks like
shit, his eyes slightly bloodshot and bags on his upper cheek. "Dude
Michael why didn't you call me? You look like shit." I pull him inside and
sit him down on the chair.

      Sitting down, he immediately breaks. Throwing his hands to his eyes,
he starts sobbing uncontrollably. "I don't... know... I don't know if I can
do it."

      Kneeling down to him, I pry his hands away from eyes, and then focus
all my strength into him. "Michael, you can do this. I am right here next
to you. Trust me, everything will be alright. Is he there right now?"

      Michael shakes his head slowly, almost as if he is admitting
defeat. "No," he sobs slightly, "He is in class at the moment, getting out
in 15 minutes."

      "Alright then, let's head down to your room and clean you up. It will
be alright."

*****

      After heading down to Michael's room, it is clear to see why he is so
worried. All over Bryce's wall are pictures of either sports or
women. Megan Fox in a bikini, Scarlett Johansson sporting in her Black
Widow costume, those just two examples of the many women plastered to the
wall. Don't get me wrong, they are very lovely women but it can be a bit
intimidating for someone who is trying to come to terms with not being
attracted to that body type.

      Michael cleans himself up at the bathroom as I wait on his
bed. Unlike my room, Bryce and Michael's beds are to the floor, their desks
sitting next to each other. Michael's wall has a few posters on it, mostly
movie posters including The Dark Knight, Inception, Avatar, and
others. Nothing that really gives too much away just that he is a movie
buff.

      Michael moves to his chair when he returns. Turning to me he stares
blankly at me. The anguish that is overtaking his mind and body is
unhealthy. "Breathe Mike, just breathe."

      Before too long Bryce has entered into the hall, hearing him talk
with a few other friends as they approach. Fear strikes Michaels face as
the voices get closer. Thankfully when Bryce enters he is alone. Seeing me
on the bed, he looks over to Michael and a confused worried look comes over
him. "Hey Mike are you ok? We missed you at practice yesterday and you were
gone all last night."

      Speaking for Michael, I calmly direct Bryce to close the door, which
he does after dropping off his backpack. "We need to talk." I say in a firm
voice. Swallowing hard, I look over to Michael, letting him take the floor.

      Michael shifts in his chair, trying to work out the uncomfortable
situation. "I need to tell you something." Gathering his strength, Michael
moves to a more proper stance, his shoulders arching back. "I want to know
that you will still be there for me. Promise me."

      The worry erases from Bryce's face, complete confusion
showing. "Mike, I am here for you one hundred percent. You are a chill
roommate and a great guy to hang with. What's going on?" Looking at me for
answers, I nod back to Michael, motioning that this is his conversation.

      Michael takes a deep breath and spits it out, "I'm gay."

      Bryce just stands there, all emotion having flushed out his
face. Sitting down on his chair, he tilts his head, "What? But you always
commented on how hot women's tits were, or what nice asses chicks
had. There's no way you're attracted to cock."

      Realizing this could go sour quickly, I start racking my head on
rugby players that are gay. There have to be a few out there. Bryson
continues on his remarks, "Dude, I don't know how I can look at you the
same, I'm sorry."

      Michael's face, once full of strength when he spoke, has gone
flush. "Dude, how does my being gay change anything? You've got to be
kidding me, thinking that my attraction suddenly alters everything about
me." Michael stands up, almost wanting to confront Bryson on the rising
issue.

      Taking the middle ground, I cut in, pulling Michael back and keeping
Bryson sitting down. "Ok, obviously there is an issue that needs to be
worked out. While I am here to help Michael, there will be compromises that
need to be made. Can we talk civilly here or do we need to get the resident
advisor?"

      Turning to Michael I sternly warn him, "No matter what Bryson has to
say, keep a calm mind and do NOT let your emotions get the better of you."
Looking over to Bryson, his eyes slightly flaring up, I calmly ask over to
him, "Is there anything that you want to ask, CALMLY."

      Bryson, moving back to the wall, glares at me then focuses onto
Michael, "How do I know he, you, won't rape me during the middle of my
sleep?" The tone of that sentence causes Michael to move forward, me
stopping him with my cast.

      "Good question, Michael, your answer." Playing moderator, I know this
might take a while but I hope to get the stupid questions out of the way as
quickly as possible to make way for more pressing issues.

      "Really? You actually think I want to screw you? A few minutes ago
you were concerned for my wellbeing and now you want to protect yourself
from me. Great way showing you care for me Bryce."  Michael spits out,
flames shooting out his eyes out.

      Bryson spats back, "Hey I have to make sure you won't do anything
creepy. I don't even know how the team will react to this." He snorts out
his nose, the distaste for Michael becoming clear.

      Taking this as my moment to hopefully ease some of the rugby issues,
I inform to the both of them what I can about gay players in the
sport. "Either of you know who Ian Roberts or Gareth Thomas is? What about
Ben Cohen?"

      A sullen response comes from Bryson, annoyance dripping with every
word, "Don't know who the first two are but with you bringing up Cohen, my
guess is that they have to do with rugby."

      "Yea, all three of them are for gay rights in rugby. Ben Cohen is the
most well known of the three, creating his own organization called `Stand
Up' to stop bullying against the LGBT community in sports. Bryson, while
you may not agree with Michael's choices, this is your chance to show that
you are a forward thinking man, one who is concerned with how the college
will look at your team and how the rugby union views the sportsmanship of
your club. There are not that many well known American rugby players out
there, none that I can think of that are gay."

      While the flames have died down a little, Michael still shows a face
of the betrayed. "I trusted you. I had hoped you would be there for
me. Please, will you?" The question is more a statement, forcing Bryson to
make a choice on what to do.

      "It will take time, and to be honest Bryson, Michael wanted to come
to you first because of your influence over the team. He looks up to you as
a brother. Besides me, you are the only other one that knows he is
gay. That's a lot of faith he is putting in you."  My eyes implore Bryson
to look at the situation from Michael's side. "Not only that, if he had
your backing, he wouldn't have to worry as much about this happening to
him." I raise my cast as a demonstration.

      "Chris, do you mind leaving Michael and I to talk things over?"
Bryson glances over to me, signaling that my time here has all but been
spent. He looks as if he has heard enough of my talking. Michael nods his
head, allowing for me to exit. I head out the door, but before I close the
door, I make the phone hand, pressing it against my ear. Michael catches
the sign and nods his head, letting me know he will let me know how things
go.

      As I walk down the hallway, I let out a small prayer hoping that all
works out for the two of them. Getting into my room, I see that Bryan and
Zach are studying at their desks, one of the few times that we have all
been together in the room at the same time. They both notice me walk in
with the troubled look on my face, causing Bryan speaking up first, "Hey
you alright there?"

      Putting on a weak smile and sighing, "Yea, just helping a friend come
out to his roommate. I am glad that you two took it well. I know we had
issues at the beginning Zach but thank you." Moving to my desk, I pull out
all my belongings and collapse into the chair.

      "Didn't go so well for your friend?" Zach asks, interested. Both of
them have dropped their pens and turned to look at me, interested in what
all went on.

      "Well the first question that was brought up was having being raped
in the middle of the night. We aren't perverts. We don't do that kinda
shit." Shaking my head in disgust, I continue, "It was sad to see how
everything that they had built as roommates, the trust and faith in each
other just was torn to shreds by uttering the words `I'm gay'."

      Zach shows his side of the coin, imputing how he has changed during
the course of the semester, "To be honest Christ, I was kinda of in the
same situation as your friend's roommate. Granted I didn't ask those kinds
of questions but still it took some getting used to. If your friend is
anything like you though, hopefully his roommate will come around. It has
been fun hanging out with you, what little time we have had together."

      Bryan pipes up as well, "Yea, from my own experience, you were the
first gay guy I knew so it took some getting used to as well. I was always
wondering if you checked us out, what your thoughts on us were, stuff like
that." Bryan cracks a smile at that statement.

      Laughing out loud I counter, "Please, like you guys didn't check me
out as well. Most guys do it to compare packages. I'm not going to lie;
I've done it multiple times, but again mostly to compare cock sizes. We all
want to see who has the biggest one and you know it."

      Bryan and Zach get a little red at being called out before admitting
it as well. I shrug my shoulders, "It's one of those primeval things, who
have the biggest stick and all." I chuckle as my phone twitters. Grabbing
it quickly, I see that Michael has smoothed things out with Bryson, though
to a certain degree.

      Bryson apparently is not going to defend him against the team,
letting them decide on their own how they feel about Michael's being gay
but when it comes to being roommates, he is ok with it. As for any
immediate changes happening, both Bryson and Michael agreed that nothing
needs to happen too fast, slow changes here and there.

      Moving out of the conversation with Michael, I notice that Kyle has
not sent me any texts since the game. Our flow of communication has been
decreasing quicker than I had imagined, me trying to talk with him but him
not really talking back.

      Happy that Michael had sorted it out with Bryson, the rest of the
night went smooth. Bryan, Zach and I all called it a night around midnight,
talking to each other about our plans for the coming Thanksgiving break.

      *****

      When I woke up on Saturday, I knew I needed to talk with Kyle. The
entire night had been restless, me trying to figure out what was going on
in my head, several different scenarios playing out. Not wanting to dwell
on guesses, I took a trip over to Fullerton, using the guise of borrowing
Ally's car as a reasonable excuse.

      Compared to the previous times of getting the keys from Ally, this
was an easier venture, catching her early in the morning. She didn't let me
in the door, but I swore I saw men's legs on her bed. "Is someone in there
with you Ally?" A sly grin comes across my face as she passes me the keys.

      "It's none of your business Chris." She tried to hold a straight face
but she couldn't suppress the grin.

      Merely raising my eyebrows, "What would dad think? I hope he is worth
it." I laugh quietly as I turn to walk away. Right as Ally closes the door,
I shout in, "Take care of my sister, whoever you are."

      Heading up a floor, I move to Kyle's door. Knocking on his door, I
hear movement and move back away. Kyle opens the door more than he should
have, allowing for me to see a guy lying in his bed. The guy turns over,
his face burning into my eyes, his own roommate Steven.

      Shock takes over my body as I stumble back. A surprised look takes
over Kyle as well, but for completely different reasons. Moving out into
the hallway in just his boxers, Kyle starts to sputters quickly to me "What
are you doing here?"

      Not responding, I blink my eyes, trying to get Steven's body out of
my head. Turning without responding, I mindlessly head down the hall to the
elevator. Kyle breaks through me with the stupid ass line that always seems
to be expressed, "Chris it isn't what you think. I swear."

      I calmly press the button to head down to the ground floor, and then
turn back to him. A mixed bag of emotions show in my eyes: hate, betrayal,
anger, wounded to name a few. My world is crashing down around me. That
line though, the whole `not what you think' line, blows me up
inside. Stiffening my jaw, I start hissing at him, getting louder with
every sentence I spew, "I trusted you. Yea we go to different universities
but I was hoping that it could work. What the hell did I do wrong? You
stupid fuck, playing me for a fool." The doors open and I move in, trying
to close the door before he could move in.

      Kyle moves in however, causing me to get as far away from him as I
could. The walls seem to push me closer to him as he pleads his case, "I
didn't want you to find out this way but I am not going to hide it, yea I
have been seeing other guys. Personally, I think we moved into it too quick
and all we ever did was have sex when we hung out."

      "Why didn't you say something?" Tears start to form at my eyes but I
hold them back, wanting to stay strong and independent of this person in
front of me. I thought I knew Kyle, his caring composure, his warmth, his
generosity. All of that torn to shreds. Finally the door opens, allowing me
to move to the front exit and to the car. Kyle tries to speak but the words
don't come out.

      "That's what I thought. Apparently there was a lack of communication
on your part. Can't say I didn't in my fair share of trying. You know what
the worst part was? I was going to ask if you wanted to be my boyfriend."
Pushing the door out; the cold wind envelopes me and moving to Kyle like
swords. Snorting, I laugh at him, anger showing in every laugh I make. "I
hope you are happy with his ass. I am sure he is able to give you more that
I was. To be honest, I am glad we didn't fuck. Means that my ass is one
thing you never touched."

      Heading out into the wind, I head straight over to the car. I don't
even look back for Kyle, knowing his dipshit of an ass doesn't have the key
to get back in. I almost wished he had chased after me, only so he could
freeze outside.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey guys I know that most likely caught you off guard, Kyle being caught
with his boyfriend. The surprised caught me by surprise as well but looking
down the line it will work out perfectly. This is not the last time we will
be seeing Kyle though, as he does play for Fullerton so there will still be
an interaction between the two.

Let me know what you think; comments, questions, concerns always welcome.