Date: Sun, 30 Apr 2006 12:27:27 EDT
From: Heavensforlife@aol.com
Subject: they say- chapter 23

**Standard disclaimer. Contains depictions of gay sex. Continue at your own
discretion.**


	They say you don't know what you have until its gone. Sometimes,
however, they you don't know what you missed until it comes back to you.

	Zach- We laid there, not talking or moving, barely breathing. His
arm was around my waist. He didn't see, but I had a huge smile across my
face. I'd never felt this way about someone before. I felt spontaneous,
carefree. I didn't feel the need to engage in after-sex conversation with
him because I totally knew we were on the same page.
	So we just lay there.
	"Hi," he breathed in my ear from behind.
	"Hi," I replied, turning my head slightly. He'd been playing with
my ear with his teeth and it felt really good. "That feels really good."
	"You were amazing," he said. I blushed.
	"Thank you," I said, more of a question than an answer. He squirmed
a little bit behind, adjusting himself so that now, his semi-full dick was
resting against my ass.
	"You were," he assured, sensing my hesitance.
	We lay there again, quiet again, the only sound being our breathing
as we lay so close to each other.
	I felt his hand move up and down my chest, massaging me very gently
and softly, barely, with nothing but the tips of fingers. His touch was all
I needed at that particular moment as I closed my eyes and drifted away.

	Charles- I got home that night feeling confused. Prince had thrown
himself at me, and I wasn't about to pass up on such a round, hot, firm and
juicy invitation. So I spent about an hour pounding his ass in the locker
shower, the warm water cascading over me as I plowed hard into the stud's
tight ass.
	I couldn't get enough, yet part of me really didn't want to be
there. I was there physically, loving every minute of it. Hearing him moan
and whimper as I hit the spot. Hearing him scream Charles as I sped up the
pace. Everything about it was every bit as hot as I wanted it to be.
	But emotionally and mentally I wasn't there. I kept thinking about
Shane and what he was doing at that particular moment. I kept thinking that
maybe he and Zach were hitting it off, and that's where my mind wandered as
I fucked the daylights out of the willing Prince.
	So I got home feeling confused.
	Did I like Shane? Sure, easy enough.
	Did I want to have sex with him constantly? Yes, but that isn't a
new feeling.
	Did I enjoy having sex with him? Probably more than the average sex
partner.
	Did I think about him constantly after? Definitely.
	Was I jealous? Probably.
	So, what was it that was so different about Shane? Was it that he
and Zach were obviously hitting it off and I felt my competitive edge
getting the best of me? Or was I just falling in a way I'd never fallen
before?
	So I got home feeling confused. So confused that I didn't even hear
anything coming from Zach's bedroom until I was in bed with my closed. I
turned to see that Shane's bed was empty and that flash of jealousy
returned.

	Denton- I felt guilty. I knew that what I'd done was necessary in
order for me to stay in the Tribe, or maybe even alive, but I still felt
guilty. I thought that knowing what my role was in the frat would make
things better for me. I thought I'd begin to understand everything, that my
questions would be answered.
	But after I dropped the envelope in the mailbox, I knew that I had
more questions that ever. What had I done? I asked myself.
	I'd just mailed away pictures that would probably destroy a guy
that I liked. But Glass had taught me to separate that. He'd taught me the
way to like people without letting it get in the way of what the tribe
expected, and I accepted that.
	Still, I couldn't help feeling like a Judas, like I'd betrayed
someone.
	Then there were the questions that had been haunting me for a
while.
	What was the Tribe? Who were they; who were we? What do we do
besides throw parties and make life hell for people both in and out of the
Tribe? Who was the inner council? Why was I chosen to follow Glass and why
was he leaving? Had he done something? Had I done something?
	Unfortunately, even though I thought that doing what the Tribe
expected would help clear up my confusion, it didn't. If anything, I had
more questions than ever.

	Jesse- I sat outside in the dark, on the curb, waiting. I waited,
thinking about all of the stupid mistakes I'd made this semester. I thought
about how stupid it was for me mess around with Charles in the first place,
let my guard down and end up getting kicked in the nut sack by his
bullshit.
	I thought about how stupid it was for me to fall for Brooklyn,
first of a TA, but second of all, a prick who didn't even care about
me. His words were cheap. As soon as I needed him, 'I love you," turned
into 'Get the fuck out.' What kind of shit was that?
	I thought about how stupid Zach was. I felt betrayed. I felt like I
had no one in the world to turn to.
	I thought about how cold I was.
	I thought about everything as I sat there and waited until he
finally pulled up.
	"Need a lift?" he said. He flashed me a huge smile. I remembered
why I loved Matt so much as he got out of his car and came over to help me
up. He smiled down at me and when I was on me feet, before he did anything
else, he gave me a hug. A tear dripped down my face and I quickly brushed
it away.
	"Get in the car," he whispered, letting me go. He grabbed the one
bag I had with me and put it in the trunk.
	Minutes after that, we were driving down the freeway in the
direction of Matt's house on the other side of town.
	"What time is your class tomorrow?" he asked me, breaking the
silence.
	"Four," I replied.
	"Good," he said. "We'll go apartment shopping first thing in the
morning."
	"You don't have to do that," I said, but he cut me off.
	"Don't say anything about it." He continued. "In the morning, we're
going apartment shopping. Then we're gonna look for a good lease on a used
car that'll get you around. "
	"Matt," I tried to interject again.
	"Listen, Jesse," he said sternly, facing the road. "I worry about
you. I shouldn't but I do. This will help me stop worrying. Let me do
this."
	"Ok," I said. It felt like too much but I was grateful.
	"Ok," he echoed. "First thing in the morning."

	Zach- Reluctantly, I felt Shane get up and head across the
apartment to his rightful room.
	"Goodnight," he whispered.
	"Goodnight," I whispered back.

	Charles- He checked if I was asleep. I didn't know how to react
yet, so I just lay there, pretending to sleep.
	After a few minutes, I turned to face his bed.
	"Shane," I said, acting groggy. "Are you asleep?"
	"Yes," he answered.
	"Oh," I said. "What time did you get in?" I asked feigning naiveté.
	"A couple minutes ago."
	"Oh." I said. I paused. "Its pretty late, what were you doing?"
	"Nothing," he said quickly. And then I had my answer. He was gonna
try and hide it from me. I sat up in my bed and put my bedside lamp on.
	"Nothing?" I said skeptically. "At 2 in the morning?"
	"I was watching a movie," he said. "With Zach."
	"Ah, cool," I said. "How was it?"
	"Look, Charles, I'm really tired. We'll talk tomorrow."
	There was silence, and I heard him rustle a little under his
sheets, trying to get comfortable.
	"Hey," I said softly. "Why don't you come sleep over here?"
	He didn't say anything at first and I thought he either didn't hear
me or was ignoring the question.
	"I'm real tired Charles. Maybe in the morning."
	'Fuck you' I thought.
	I turned off my light and tried to go to sleep.

	Zach- I woke up early the next morning, showered, had toast for
breakfast and waited. It was past 8 when he finally came out, fully
dressed, looking like he was trying to sneak out with no one watching.
	"Hey Charles," I said.
	"Hey," he replied with no emotion at all.
	"I need to ask you something," I said.
	"I'm in a hurry."
	"It won't take long." I stood in front of him. His eyes avoided
me. "I promise."
	He sighed, rolled his eyes and sat down, putting his book bag on
the floor.
	"Make it quick."
	"Ok," I began. "Would it, umm, bother you if me and, uhh, Shane
started seeing each other?"
	He didn't say anything, but I couldn't read what he was thinking
through his thoughts. His face and his eyes were blank.
	"Why would it bother me?" he finally said.
	"Ok," I said with an air of relief. "Ok, then. I was just asking."
	"Of course," he said before he got up to walk away. "I'm not sure
it'll work out. But that's just my opinion."
	"Why do you say that?"
	"Look, I'm gonna make this quick, because I am in a hurry. Shane is
more like me, you know, into the casual thing. So I wouldn't waste my
time."
	The words hit me like a rock, but I stayed my ground and didn't
show any surprised emotion.
	"Well that's good then," I replied. "Cuz I'm not looking for
anything serious."
	"Alright then," he said rising. "I'll see you later."
	He left and I let out a sigh. I went back to waiting, this time for
Shane to wake up.

	Denton- I went to all my classes for the day and ended up walking
back to the house instead of driving because the day was so warm and
beautiful. The truth was that I'd never really had a good time to relax and
think since I'd joined the Tribe, so I figured walking back would give me
that opportunity.
	Halfway to the mansion, my thinking was interrupted by my cell
phone going off. I opened it to check the number and was surprised to see
my brother Brian calling.
	"Hey bro," he said sounding excited.
	"Hey," I said. "What's up?"
	"Can't a brother call to check on his family?" he was hiding
something.
	"Sure," I said. "But I can tell you want something."
	"I'm offended," he said. I laughed.
	"Seriously," I said. "What is it?"
	"Ok," he said. "I was calling to see if you were busy this
weekend?"
	I thought about and told him I probably wasn't.
	"Good," he said. "Cuz you're flying home tonight."
	"What?" I was so stunned I almost dropped my phone. "What for?" I
said after I'd calmed down.
	"Ok," he began. "Me and Lacy decided not to push it off any longer
and we're going to tie the knot this weekend and I want my little bro, or
should I say best man, to be there."
	"When did you and Lacy get engaged?" I said. I was clearly taken
aback.
	"Come on bro," he said. "The weekend in Aspen. You were there." I
didn't say anything so he just continued. "Anyway, your reservation leaves
in about two hours, so get to the airport. Don't worry about packing, we'll
go shopping tomorrow and the service is the next day. Love you bro, later."
And he hung up the phone.

	Charles- I decided not to call. I decided it would be better if I
just stopped by because then he wouldn't have a chance to turn me away.
	I walked up the steps to his apartment wearing my lowest cut jeans
and my tightest fitting shirt. I checked my breath, affirmed it was ok, and
decided I could go ahead and knock.
	He came to the door wearing a pair of khakis, a wife beater and a
very sexy beaded necklace. I smiled uncertainly.
	"Hi," I said.
	"Come in," he said without smiling. I walked in and before I had a
chance to turn and close the door, he had my body slammed up against the
wall, my hands pinned over my head. His face was inches from mine and I saw
a fire building in his eyes.
	"I missed you," he growled before planting a heart-wrenching kiss
on my lips. I returned the kiss with gusto, letting him dive deeper and
into my mouth, powerless to stop him but not really wanting to.
	He continued to kiss me, pushing me hard against the back wall. My
arms were everywhere, roaming all over his body, relishing in the touch I
hadn't had in so long.
	"I missed you so much," he said through passionate
kisses. "Never... thought we'd... be like this again."
	Then I stopped. I wanted to more than anything, but there were
things I needed to hear him say before I went any further.
	"What's the matter?" he asked, panting.
	"I came here to ask you something." I didn't continue and he just
looked at me.
	"No you didn't," he said trying to go back to the foreplay. "Let's
just do this."
	"No," I said. I pushed his hands away. "Tell me something first. Is
it over with you and Jesse?"
	"Yes," Brooklyn said with no hesitation.
	"Good," I said. "Good," I whispered again, feeling better.
	"It's you, Charles," he whispered looking me straight into the eye
with his gorgeous, bottomless hazel eyes. "It's always been you."
	Then he moved in slowly, and this time his kiss was filled with
unmistakable need, passion and love.

	Denton- So I got home, through a few necessities together, got the
keys to Glass' old Jeep and by dinner time, I was driving down the freeway
towards the airport.
	The whole thing felt weird and rushed, but I was hardly
surprised. Leave it up to my brother to do something crazy and spontaneous
like this. Growing up, Bri had always been the one to live life like we
weren't as filthy rich as we were. I mean, at an early age it didn't take
me long to realize that my parents could provide us with anything and
everything we wanted. But it seemed like I was the only one that took
advantage of that.
	I went to a high-end private school in the mountains, while Bri
went to a public school in Manhattan. I insisted on the best-tailored
clothes and Mercedes at my 16th birthday when Bri was comfortable in
department store clothes and anything that moved.
	It was because of those facts, that difference, between us that Bri
and I never really got along. We didn't fight, but we weren't close. We
were two completely different people.
	Until my senior year, that is, when in my opinion, my big brother
grew up. He returned home after college a completely different person. He
was still unpredictable, but now he wasn't as wild. He took care of his
appearance, taking my advice on what to wear and where to dine. The two of
us started hanging together, talking to the same crowds, and being the two
'rich brothers' in the neighborhood.
	But this little wedding antic was classic Brian. One time the end
of my senior year, Brian took me out of class early, drove us both to the
airport and bought plane tickets to Australia on my parents' credit
card. With the clothes on our backs, the two of us flew to the land down
under for two days and came back without even telling my parents.
	I thought about all those things on the airplane ride back to my
hometown on Long Island.
	That, and how much I'd changed since then. Some of the changes were
little. Like shopping, I hadn't done that in weeks because the Tribe gave
us all of our clothes. I didn't dine at the best places in Dallas because
the Tribe arranged most of our meals. I drank more at parties because
everyone else. But the biggest change was in who I was attracted to.
	The best sex I'd had while at school was with Glass. I didn't even
look at girls anymore, instead I spent my time checking out guys and
pondering how they compared to Glass. Sometimes, I craved his touch; I
craved his dick; I craved his kiss. Those were feelings I would never have
had when I was getting by with all the girls I wanted back home.
	So I wondered if that would change things. I didn't think it would
because the change wasn't a noticeable one. No one had to know unless I
told them, and I didn't plan on that.
	So I arrived in Manhattan feeling different from who I was before,
but then again, feeling like I was coming back home.
	"Baby Bro!" Brian shouted excitedly as I go off the plane. "How was
the flight?"
	"Luxurious," I said a little tipsy from my in flight cocktail.
	"Great, bro," he said and he grabbed, giving me a big bear hug. At
6'4, Brian was just a few inches taller than me, but his strength and build
made him look like a tower over me. He grabbed my bag and escorted me to
his waiting car.
	We both sat in the back and the driver set out at a leisurely
pace. We were in no hurry. Instead we spent the drive talking, catching up.
	"So how the fuck is Texas?" he asked.
	"Great," I replied. "It's hot as hell, but I like it."
	"I bet you do."
	"Better to wear less clothes," I joked. "And the chicks are a cut
above."
	"Ah, dude," he said. "I'm over talking about chicks. I'm a married
man."
	"Not till Saturday," I replied.
	"True," he said quietly.
	"Honestly, man," I said, bringing the level of the conversation to
a more serious tone. "Why the rush?"
	"I'm in love, bro," he said. I wasn't buying.
	"You sure?" I asked. "Is she pregnant?"
	"No," he said quickly. "When you're in love, bro, you know it and
you don't want to wait another day."
	He sounded sincere and serious, so I let it go.
	"Enough about me, this whole weekend is gonna be about me. What's
going on at school? Did you pledge?"
	"You know I did."
	"What was I thinking? My little bro had to have pledged the best of
the best."
	"Yep," I said without elaborating. Bri took the hint.
	"Which one?" he asked. "Wait, let me guess. Beta?"
	"No," I said.
	"Omega?"
	"No."
	"Alpha Phi?"
	"Nuh, uh."
	"Ok, bro, we could do this all day. So just tell me."
	"It doesn't really have a Greek name."
	"Then what is it?"
	"The tribe."
	There was an awkward silence. I didn't know what to say to
elaborate. Then suddenly, Brian started laughing. At first it was soft,
then it got louder and louder until his face was bright read.
	"Dude," he said gasping for breath. "That sounds like some kind of
survivor thing. Like your stuck in the Amazon or something with your
'tribe.'"
	He doubled over with laughter. My face got hot with embarrassment,
but he just kept laughing. Finally, his chuckling died down I began to
explain what the Tribe was.
	By the time I had told him all could without getting into the crazy
details that I confused even me, he was pretty intrigued.
	"Sounds awesome, bro."
	I decided this was the time to change the subject to something a
little less heavy, at least for me.
	"You know," I said. "For someone who spends so much time in the
NYC, you sure do say bro a lot."
	"Cuz I'm a Cali-Man, bro" he smiled lightly pointing to his
heart. "A Cali-Man."

	Charles- Brooklyn carried to me into is bedroom, and gently placed
me down on his bed. I looked up at him with hazy eyes as he slowly
descended onto my body.
	The powerful feeling of his body resting over mine was
incredible. Slowly, he positioned himself between my legs and with the bare
strength of his knees, raised my thighs and ass off the bed so that we were
in perfect position.
	Slowly, he maneuvered his dick into my waiting hole. Slowly, he
pushed inside of me. I gasped with pleasure. He stopped for a second,
looked at me and I nodded. He continued, slowly, until he was buried deep
inside me.
	Neither of moved for a couple of seconds. He was relishing in the
feel of my tight hole while I was crazy over the feeling of his dick deep
down inside of me. I couldn't have asked for more.
	"Fuck me," I whispered sexily. But he didn't. He lowered his face
over mine and slowly but passionately kissed me. His tongue battled my
lips, prying them open, and when they finally did, he dove inside in search
of my eager tongue.
	His moved ever so slowly to the rhythm of his kiss. His head would
bob up down over my lips and so would cock, barely going anywhere, but
opening me up nonetheless, then he would stop and leave his dick buried
deep down inside, not moving, just kissing me. It was like he was fucking
my entire body with just his kiss and I loved it. I was yearning for the
fast-paced bump-and-grind I was used to with guys. This, tonight, was love
making, and Brooklyn knew exactly how to do it.

	Zach- When Shane got up, I heard him go straight for the shower, so
I decided 'what the hell,' and went in after him.
	"Morning sexy," I said pulling the curtain back. He gave me a brood
sleepy smile.
	"Take those boxers off and get in here," he said. He put down his
soap and towel as soon as I walk in and turned around so the stream of
water was hitting him in the front. I jumped in and slowly came in behind
him, putting my arm around his waste. He nestled his head back so that we
could kiss even if was awkward. He slowly pushed his ass back into my
already hard cock.
	I reached around and grabbed his dick and gave it a couple of
pulls, feeling it grow harder and harder in my grasp. I clamped down hard
on, and I felt him groan loudly in my mouth. He was so ready.
	He released his kiss and with no sound but a smile, he bent over
slowly so that I had full access to his hole. With my fingers, I found his
sugar-spot and slowly began massaging it with two fingers, going in and out
trying to open him up.
	"Come on babe," he said from below me. "I want your dick."
	"Alright babe," I replied, eager enough to get inside of him. I
wanted it bad. I pulled my fingers out and without hesitation I pushed my
dick all the way inside his ass.
	"Ohhhh, fuck," he moaned.  "Holy fuck, baby... ohhhhh yeeeeeah."
	I found his spot and continued teasing it with my cock, going
slowly over it and watching his entire body pulse.
	"Ready for a fuck, baby?" I asked in the dirtiest voice I could
muster.
	"Hellllll, yeah, stud. Give me that dick."
	I pulled all the way out and in one swoop, buried my dick back in
his ass. Again his moans were loud enough to wake up the whole block.
	"OOOOOOOOOOh, yeah, give it to me. Don't stop baby," he said over
and over.
	And I gave it to him. I put my right hand on the shower wall to
brace myself, and the other hand on Shane's hip to keep him steady, and I
went to town. I never slowed, instead, with every thrust, I got faster and
harder until Shane's entire body was rocking back and forth. I could feel
my breathing get harder, as if I was running a marathon, and I was prepared
to go the distance. I thrust in harder and harder, until he stopped asking
me to because I was giving it as hard as he could take. Instead, his pleas
for me to give it to him harder turned into incoherent moans.
	"Are you ready to cum baby?" I asked. He didn't say
anything. Instead he reached behind himself with two fingers pointing in my
face.
	"Lick it," he said. I did, only to discover that this dude had
already cum once without me even knowing. The taste of his cum redoubled my
effort and fucked him harder than I knew how.
	"Oh yeah, oh yeah," he repeated, encouraging me. I wanted to make
him cum again as hard as he knew how.
	"Are you ready baby?" I panted.
	"Oh yeah, oh yeah," he repeated again and again. And with one last
thrust, I buried my dick deep down inside of him and let loose.
	The feeling of my cum flowing deep inside of him pushed Shane over
the edge and he spent his second round of cum all over my pumping hand. I
brought up to my lips and licked my fingers.
	Spent of all energy, I took my deflating dick out of Shane and
leaned back on the shower wall. A second later, he leaned back on top of me
and we stood there, breathing heavy, neither of us wanting to be the first
to move away.

	Charles- I lay there with my eyes closed, drifting somewhere
between sleep and semi-consciousness. I was aware of Brooklyn's sleeping
body, breathing heavily, arm draped over my chest. I was just about to pass
through that realm where dreams take over when I heard Brooklyn's voice
calling me.
	"Wake up, Charles," he said. "Wake up."
	"What?" I asked.
	"I have to tell you something before I chicken out and decide not
to say it." He didn't sound like he'd been sleeping at all, rather he'd
been pondering what he was about to tell and mustering the courage to say
it.
	"Ok," I said uncertainly.
	"You don't have to respond if you don't want to," he said. "I
completely understand." He paused and I didn't say anything so he
continued.
	"I'm not even gonna lie to you," he began. "Part of me thought that
Jesse was a better match for me than you. Part of me didn't want to have to
choose between you to."
	I shifted, not liking how this was starting. Brooklyn could read
the disdain on my face.
	"Wait," he said. "But then a different part of me knew that I
needed you. The part of me that I was ignoring, that I was shutting down
because I didn't want to hear what it was saying, was telling me that I was
dependent, Charles, and I hate being dependent." Again, he paused expecting
me to say something, and again I disappointed him.
	"And then you left and Jesse left and I thought that I was alone
and that I'd have to start from scratch finding someone who could make me
feel half as much as what I felt for you, and I half expected never to see
you again."
	"What are you saying?" I asked, ready for him to cut to the
chase. I wasn't big on sentiment.
	"Ok," he said. "I guess what I'm saying is tonight showed me
something. It showed me that I cannot afford not to have you in my
life. They say you don't know what you have until its gone. Well I think
you don't know what you missed until it comes back to you. And I don't want
to go back to missing you." He stared at me with wide eyes, and for a flash
of a second I felt like I could see his soul shining through. The next
words pierced me like a dart on a bull's eye. The sent a quiver down my
body and I was momentarily paralyzed, unable to command my body to move or
think or even breath.
	"I love you," he said. He said he was expecting an answer, yet he
was looking at me like he wanted one. Unfortunately, I had no answer to
give and all I could think do was escape.
	Terrified, I got off the bed, found a pair of his sweats, pulled
them over my body and scanned the room for my car keys. Before opening the
door to the bedroom, I looked at Brooklyn, lying there, head down, not
wanting to meet my eyes. A part of me thought I heard a whimper, like a
wounded puppy.
	I was nervous, and I had no idea how to react to what he'd just
said. I wasn't ready to be in love, or have someone love me. I wasn't cut
out for all that stuff. But I couldn't just walk out without saying
anything, leaving him so pathetic looking.
	So unsure of my own voice, I called his name and he looked at me
with bloodshot eyes, waiting for the words to escape my mouth.
	It was like an impulse, and involuntary reaction. I knew I hadn't
consciously said the words because, truth-be-told, I didn't remember ever
saying them.
	"I love you too," I whispered, and without even looking back, I
turned and was out of the apartment in seconds.

	They say you don't know what you have until its gone. Sometimes,
however, they you don't know what you missed until it comes back to you.

	Comments welcome at Heavensforlife@aol.com