Date: Wed, 16 Dec 2009 20:55:45 -0600
From: indiemcemopants <ativan.wont.kill@gmail.com>
Subject: This Loneliness That You Call Freedom Chapter Four

This is fiction. I can be reached at ativan.wont.kill@gmail.com and I'll
reply to every email I get. Thanks so much.

--

Chapter Four


Her brother is a fucking douchebag.

Yeah, I said it.

That's the impression I'm getting right now as I try to calm myself after
the shit that just happened. He's a dick. She's sitting here looking at me,
crying, scared and sad.

I'm over here to hang out. She sounds fine before I leave my place. Then he
had to call and act like this and ruin everyone's day.

Perfect.

I walk in the door, she's already crying. Tears are already soaking her red
face, pouring out of her eyes. Ruining her makeup. She's holding the phone
away from her ear.

Waiting on some guy to calm down.

I hear screaming, cursing. The phone is almost vibrating from the booming
voice on the other end.

I'm thinking it's her ex.

I'm thinking, oh, fuck me. I should go.

I decide at the last second to stay, because really, it's either this or
staring at the walls.

I don't even have cable, I think to myself.

She can't stop crying enough to even speak and this guy, this asshole,
wouldn't give her a chance to speak anyway.

Frustrated, I grab her phone and pull it toward my ear, her hand still on
it.

Ignoring her attempts to snatch it away from me, I bark into the phone, "I
don't know who the FUCK you are but you need to shut the fuck up and calm
down. You've got a serious fucking problem treating someone this way, you
little fucking punk. I swear to fuck, you don't ever call her again or I
WILL find you and I WILL hurt you."

I didn't know I could growl that deeply. I don't get mad often. I really
don't.

And as for my little threat there: total lie. I admit it. I've never hit
anyone. I don't believe hitting people really accomplishes much. At this
point though, I was just pissed off enough to say whatever came out and
deal with the consequences later. It's not even that I feel particularly
close to this girl, I came over to escape drama. Not to experience more.

And, okay. I care. Fine.

She looks at me like I'm insane. Like I just threatened to eat a live cat
or something.

How ungrateful.

There's still silence on the phone, so after a second I hang up.

She says, slowly, quietly, "Uh... thanks, but mayb..." She's cut off by the
sharp ringing of her phone.

Oh, christ. This one won't go away.

I answer this time.

"LISTEN, you fuckwad..." This time I'm cut off.

"Hey..." says a soft male voice. "This is... her brother... could
you... please give her the phone? I shouldn't have yelled and... I want to
apologize." I hear what sounds like sniffling. Mixed with a little
ocnfusion.

No wonder. If this is her brother, he's probably wondering who this strange
guy is threatening his life. I know I would be.

My eyes widen.

She whispers, "I tried to tell you."

Looking down at the floor, embarrassed, I say, "How can I be sure you won't
be a dick anymore? You might be her brother but you're shitty for making
her that upset. You should've seen her. How could you do that? What
could've made you THAT fucking mad? Do you have problems? What the fuck,
dude?"

Back to growling.

Quietly, but with a hint of anger seeping through, he says, "Just let me
talk to her, okay? But first, who is this? What are you doing answering her
phone? I didn't know she was seeing someone new."

I tell him who I am.

"Oh." Silence.

"Yeah." More silence.

I can't decide if I want to yell at this asshole some more, hand his sister
the phone, or what. Or listen to his sweet voice. I wonder if he's cute.

I shake my head. He's an ass and I want to hit him. Yeah, that.

Exactly.

From what she's told me about him, he doesn't seem like a complete jerk. I
guess everyone has their moments. I wonder what set him off. What made them
fight. Obviously it was pretty serious and some hurtful words were
used. She wasn't in a very good state when I got here and nobody should be
left like that.

I blame him.

I know she can be a little abrasive but she was the one who was upset. The
little brat didn't even seem bothered til I threatened him. The punk.

I call him a little brat but he's our age. He's a year younger than his
sister. A little younger than I am.

The dude's still a brat. Someone's gonna teach him a lesson one day
soon. Swear to god, I'd bend the guy over my knee and...

"You still there?" I guess I was too busy fuming to hand over the phone.

"Yeah. Hang on I'll hand her the phone when she gets back from the
bathroom."

I hand over the phone quickly and head toward the other side of the room.

He's definitely a fucking douchebag. I was right. Embarrassed, I stand
around thinking about everything that just happened. What was I supposed to
do? I walk in, the girl is freaking out. Can barely catch a breath. And
some little twit is screaming and calling her a fucking bitch. And I think
I even heard the 'C' word once or twice.

Yes, that C word.

Anybody in my situation might have stepped in and told the guy off. I mean,
right?

I am so self-conscious. I'm standing around shoving my hands in my pockets,
and pulling them out. Nervously trying to find something to do. Look
busy. Trying to ignore their conversation. God knows the last thing I need
to do is jump in again.

I hope I didn't fuck anything up.

See? This is exactly why I stay away from people.

This. Right here. You think you're doing something good. Helping. But no,
you're not. Ever. I should've just stayed quiet. Really, I should've just
stayed away. That first day. This whole thing is a bad idea. I'm a fuck-up
anyway. It's a matter of time before she sees that.

She's probably about to make me leave anyway. Since I said that about her
brother. It might be awkward for me to be here.

God I hope he's not on his way here.

Waiting is making me nervous. A little shaky. Staring up at these white
walls. Evil, blank walls. I feel like I've been sent to the corner. Like
I'm being punished.

Really though, when have I not felt like that?

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I jump.

"Sorry," she says.

"It's okay... um... I'm sorry I did all that. I think this is one of those
times I should've stayed out of it."

She grinned.

"Well, at least you made my brother calm the fuck down. He apologized to
both of us. And I'm glad you helped me out there. You big strong protector
guy."

I snort loudly.

"Yeah, because you definitely need a 'big strong protector
guy'. Really. You're so helpless and sweet."

Eye rolling now.

"But seriously," she says, "it's no big deal. He feels terrible about the
whole thing. He wants to make it up to me. And he wants to meet you
tonight. He's coming home in a few minutes."

Or not? That's a good idea too. I would really like to just go home and be
alone for, you know, a long time. Maybe forever. That looks nice at the
moment. Please don't make me do this.

It's one thing to meet someone new but it's another to meet someone new
whose life you just threatened.

I am such a chickenshit.

I need to just get over it. I've already gained one new friend. Why not
two?

--

I decide to stay so I'm sitting around waiting on him to get home. She and
I are chatting. Nothing serious. I think she sees how nervous I am and
she's trying to lighten the mood.

She is awesome. I think I mentioned that before.

It's true though.

She's in the middle of laughing at a story I'm telling her about my parents
when we hear someone at the door. They have a key.

Once he gets the door unlocked he makes his way inside with some bags that
appear to be take out. It looks like he brought enough to feed five
people. Jesus, is that tiny dude gonna eat all of this stuff?

He and his sister exchange hi's and he kicks off his shoes while trying to
get the bags of food over to us.

"A little help please?"

Both of us walk over and grab some bags of food. I finally get a good look
at the guy who says, in his raspy voice, "Hey! I've heard a lot about
you. I'd shake your hand, but um..."

"Yeah, it's cool, hey. I've heard lots about you too."

This guy looks familiar to me. He's short and skinny, I could easily pick
him up. He's got these bright green eyes.

I wonder how I know him.

I don't get out very much. Maybe I'm just imagining things. He looks tired
and sad. Dark circles under his eyes. Unruly hair.

Not that I look any better.

I suddenly feel the urge to hug him.

--

We're sitting around talking for a half hour or so when I realize how late
it is. Thinking I need to go, I stand up.

"I need to go," I tell them, "it's getting late. This was a lot of fun
though."

I'm looking at him. He's watching me strangely. Looking me up and
down. Like he knows me.

He stands up as well. Walking toward me, he trips over the small table we
brought in the living room to eat on. Arms flailing everywhere. He hits the
ground.

He whispers, "Ow."

I look down at him.

"Wait, I remember who you are now!"

---
Thanks for reading. Next chapter soon.