Date: Wed, 28 Nov 2007 18:43:44 -0800 (PST)
From: T Storm <melonpie@verizon.net>
Subject: True Love Will Survive, Chapter 11

Disclaimer: This is a slow love story and not a fast fuck one. If this
isn't to your liking, please don't bother reading. This story contains
sexual acts between two males. If it offends you, then X out. Any comments
or questions, email me and I'll try to respond promptly.

Chapter 11


Things were still a little rough between Gray and I, but we were patching
things up.

Gray didn't go out with that girl, Sherry again. Apparently he had told his
parents he doesn't get to come home often from Duke and wanted to hang out
with his friends. He had limited time.

I didn't like that explanation, because it implied that when he did have
time in the future, he'd be willing to see her. But I'd take what I could
get. For now.

I was still cautious and disgruntled, and jealous, but I forced myself to
calm down and take Bill's advice. Gray and I spent the last two weeks of
winter break together, and although our time together was a bit strained,
it was still nice to be with him.

I hoped he felt the same for me.

Saying goodbye had been tense and it didn't leave me with a good feeling. I
wonder how the upcoming semester would fare for our relationship.

Only time would tell. Unfortunately that didn't stop me from worrying shit
loads.

"Penny for your thoughts," John said.

"Cliché," I shot back, not answering him.

"A good opener," John shot back.

"My usual troubles. Won't bore you with them," I responded, not looking at
him.

"Gray," John said. "What's wrong now?"

"Everything," I said. "I have this bad feeling in my stomach. I don't know
how long we're going to last. This college relationship and long distance
thing is really tough. I admire people who can really survive."

"Jealously issue?" John said.

"Kinda," I admitted. I finally turned in my chair and faced him. "He went
out with this girl, but it wasn't exactly a date. She's a family friend,
and only a friend to him, but we think his parents want something more to
happen, if you know what I mean."

"Ahh, the parental set up. And they don't know he's gay. It all makes sense
now," John said.

"I saw them at the mall. He didn't tell me. I jumped to conclusions and
lashed out. We managed to work through it, but things have been and still
are tense between us. I don't like it at all," I folded my arms.

"They'll get better," John offered.

"No guarantee," I said. "I'm a realist, not some hippie, just smoked up
optimist."

He held up his hands. "Hey, don't get pissy with me!"

"Sorry," I sighed. "I'm not good company. I won't be until something
happens or something gets solved."

"Good to know. Thanks for the heads up," John said.

"You're welcome. What are friends for," I said.  John snorted. "What a nice
sentiment."

"Tell someone who gives a shit," I said grumpily.

The rest of the evening, we studied in silence.

**************

"You know Kevin, I haven't done anything bad since the last time you called
me," Gray said when I called him the third time that day. His voice was
laced with annoyance.

My paranoia had set in and normally in the past we'd call a few times a
week or text or email, but now I started calling on a daily basis, or even
multiple times during the day.

I was getting annoyed and if I was calling me, I'd wanna kill me too, but I
couldn't stop. I was always wondering who Gray was with and if he was
talking to this Sherry girl. No matter how much he reassured me, I couldn't
trust him. Knowing how much he wanted to please his parents, I had no idea
how far he'd go to please them.

The excess stress was taking a toll on me. My grades were mediocre; not
stellar like I wanted them to be. I was moody and grumpy with John and
isolated myself on purpose. I slept badly and was irritable all the time,
even when alone. Like I had no patience for the little things.

Something was not right with this. Relationships were supposed to be a good
thing- not virtually kill you.

If that wasn't a warning sign, I don't know what was.

"Fine, I won't call you anymore," I said into the phone angrily. "You do
your thing, whatever that is and I'll do my thing. Then we'll regroup when
we get back home over the summer, unless you're not too busy hanging with
Sherry," I sneered. I knew how terrible I sounded, but I didn't care and I
clicked the phone off and chucked it onto the floor.

He called back several times and eventually I answered. He apologized as
did I, but at the end of the conversation nothing was resolved. So I didn't
feel any better. And my paranoia didn't let up.

In hindsight, we were both to blame for the trouble in our relationship. He
wasn't forthcoming enough with his life and I wasn't smart enough to ask
the right questions- instead I hounded and stalked the poor guy until he
was at the brink of insanity.

By the time February rolled around, I was angry that he had already booked
his spring break with his friends. It seemed he never wanted to spend time
with me, and it wasn't like we were together all that much.

"Kevin, its vacation and I want to be with my friends," he finally blurted
out.

"I guess they're more important than I am," I said pettily.

"Fuck," he cursed. "I love you Kevin, you have to know that, but I want a
life!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded.

"Shit, I don't know if I can do this anymore. You're constant worrying, my
constant guilt for going out and having a good time. Your phone calls, your
accusations. It's becoming too much. It's consuming me and I can't do
anything. I have a lot going on with school and sports, and sometimes it's
nice to go out with friends and unwind. And spring break is about friends!"
he said.

"So where do I fit into all of that?" I asked.

"Long distance takes work, I know, but calling every day, three times or
more?" he asked in disbelief.

"Excuse me for wanting to know how you are," I said defensively.

"You're smothering me," he stated.

"I wasn't in the past," I pointed out. "I never had a reason to worry
before."

"And you still don't!" he exclaimed in frustration.

"How would I know that if I feel I can't trust you anymore," I cried
out. "Look that Sherry thing wasn't supposed to be a big deal, but it was
for me," I huffed. "If you can't respect that, then I don't know."

"I don't know how many times I can reassure you nothing happened."

"But what if it does later on?"

"Well, I'm not a fortune teller!" he shouted.

"You should nip it in the bud and fucking tell your parents already!"

"And I told you I'm not ready to do that, so you'll have to deal!" he
yelled.

"Obviously I can't deal with it," I breathed out. "I'm not doing well at
school and this is why."

Gray was silent. Then, "What do you mean not doing well?"

"I can't focus. I hate myself for being this way, but I can't help it and
it's ruining everything," I wailed.

"Kevin, calm down," he said in a worried tone.

"I can't. I hate this," I mumbled.

"Look, I hate to say this," he began. I waited. "Maybe we should take a
break until we see each other in May. We're both going crazy, neither of us
are faring well. We need a breather, right?"

I felt pressure behind my eyes. "I guess."

"This isn't an official break. I don't plan on being with anyone else and I
hope you don't either. It's just a break where we can get through the
semester and then work on our problems. There is no point in flunking out."

"Yeah," I whispered.

"We'll keep in contact," he said.

"Uh-huh."

"I love you. Please don't feel bad," he said softly.

"I don't know if that's possible," I sniffled.

"I wish I could see you now," he groaned. "Fuck. I don't want to leave you
like this. I have class."

"Just go. We'll talk when we get the chance. Bye." I hung up.

The phone call did nothing to relieve my nerves.

If anything, it made it worse.

**************

I don't know how I survived until May, but I did. Gray and I talked on the
phone once a day. We set aside a time and talked for as long as we wanted,
but with a designated time slot, so it was good for the both of us.

We emailed daily, religiously, and both of our emails were pretty detailed
accounts of our day. I think Gray put in extra effort to be detailed, so I
felt like I was in the loop. I was grateful for that and it gave me hope
things would be ok for us.

Yet the little grating nerve never left me. I felt on edge, as if waiting
for something inevitable to happen. Something that I couldn't stop no
matter how hard I tried. Something I could never prepare myself for. I felt
like my heart was breaking even if Gray and I were still together, for the
time being.

While I was happy summer was upon me, I couldn't help feeling a little
dread about seeing Gray. It just meant more arguing and fighting, which is
what we seemed to be doing best these days.

Some days, I felt like I was ready to give up and throw in the towel in
this relationship. If we had to work so hard to maintain our relationship,
perhaps it wasn't meant to be, but every time I thought of not being with
Gray and having him, as mine, I felt a horrible ache in my stomach and a
burning in my chest.

I did my second load of laundry and was folding up my shirts when I heard
the doorbell ring.

I knew it was Gray. He told me he would stop by.

I opened the door and saw Gray standing there, biting his lip. His dark
blue eyes met mine and he stared at me for a minute.

"Hey," he said softly.

I nodded. "Hi."

He hesitated and I moved back. "Come on," I said. He walked in and I shut
the door. "Want anything to drink?" I asked, feeling like I was talking to
a stranger.

"Sure," he said, following me to the kitchen.

I got a can of soda and turned to hand it to him, when I felt his warm,
soft lips hit mine. His arms wrapped around me, hugging me tightly as he
deepened the kiss, his tongue pushing its way in.

I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck. When we broke apart, I
sighed as he rubbed his nose against mine.

"Missed you."

"Missed you too," I said.

Gray smiled and took my hand and the soda, and led me to the living room,
where he gently pushed me onto the couch.

"Summer is finally here," he stated.

"Yup."

"I'm looking forward to spending it with you," he said, looking at me
intensely once again.

I smiled, genuinely this time. "Me, too."

His hand grasped mine and he nestled closer to me. He sighed. "Can't
believe our second year of college is over."

"Can't believe we survived two years of college, together," I said. He
looked at me and I shrugged.  "Well, it's true. It was hard. We were having
some real problems. I didn't think we'd make it."

Gray sighed again. "I know. It's harder than I thought it'd be," he agreed.

"You still want to be in this relationship, right?" I asked.

"Of course," he replied quickly. "Don't you?"

"Yes. But-" I hesitated.

"But what?"

"But I don't know if I can handle another two years constantly feeling
jealous, worried, and clingy. I hate being that way. I'm like, disgusting
myself," I shivered.

"Trust me, I don't like you being that way either. Makes me feel constantly
guilty," he said. "And I feel like shit that I can't comfort you. Damn, I
wish we went to the same schools. Imagine how much easier that'd be?"

"Yeah."

"What do we do now?" he wondered, looking at me.

"I don't know. Take it one day at a time," I suggested. "Listen Gray. I do
trust you. I really do. You're a good person. But I can't help but
worry. Ok, you can handle yourself at school, but when it comes to your
parents and Sherry," I paused. "Let me put it this way. Parents are a
powerful entity. They have this wonderful ability to guilt you into doing
anything. Probably even murder. Which is why I worry about you and Sherry
and whatever the fuck else in the future. Can you blame me?" I asked. "Just
think about it for a sec, and be realistic."

I watched his face as he thought about what I said and I could see him
pondering my points.

Gray looked at me, sadly. "I guess I see your point. How come parents are
so scary?"

"Parents are only scary when you don't know how they'll react to big news,
like being gay. We're in a tough spot, being young. We rely heavily on our
parents. It's not like we're thirty and have good jobs and can support
ourselves," I sympathized.

He let out a groan of frustration. "I can't tell them. Yet."

I swallowed hard. "I know."

"What does that mean for us then?"

"It means we continue whatever we're doing," I said. "I'll just have to get
over my insecurities, and we'll have to talk more and shit like that. Fuck,
I don't know. All I know if that I don't want to break up."

"Me neither," he repeated.

I rubbed my head. "I have a headache."

He chuckled. "I'm sorry baby," his hand caressed my forehead before
pinching my nose. I smiled and squirmed away. He smiled and looked at me
fondly. "Oh I missed you," he murmured. "That big, goofy smile."

I pushed his hand away and shifted on the couch. "Goofy?" I demanded.

Gray laughed and both his hands wrapped around my face, his thumbs on my
cheeks as he drew me closer. I came over willingly and climbed onto his
lap, lowering my lips to his, kissing softly, nibbling on his lips. He
moaned.

"Kevin, my little Kevin," he sighed as his hands moved to my ass, cupping
and kneading gently.

"No fair," I breathed. "You use your sexual power over me to make me forget
my troubles."

Gray laughed against my lips. "I think it's the other way around. Your
hotness makes me forget all words and I can't help but grope you."

"Flattery, flattery. Sneaky bastard," I said biting his lip harder.

Gray grunted. "I love you," he hissed. "Shouldn't we be doing something
that, uh, celebrates our reunion, or whatever."

I giggled. "You are so lame."

He made a deep throaty sound that made my dick throb and ache inside my
jeans.

"Ok, let's go big boy," I said standing up and grabbing his hand, hurling
him towards the stairs. "Let's celebrate our reunion."

Gray grinned as he followed behind me.

**************

Teddy ran up to me at and tugged on my swimming trunks. I looked down at
him and smiled. Several of the other counselors I was sitting with looked
at my brother as well.

"Can I have some food?" he asked me, his eyes wide, his little hands
clutching my knees.

I smiled and picked him up, using more muscle strain than I had in the
past. At five, he was still small, but growing steadily.

"All you do is eat, you chubby bear," I said hugging him. In reality, the
kid was anything but chubby, but I loved little kids and their baby fat. So
cute and sweet.

Teddy grinned at me, kicking his legs around in a relaxed manner. "I's
hungry!" he announced smiling happily, holding onto my neck.

I looked at the other counselors and stood up, holding Teddy. "Going to the
snack bar."

It was the middle of July and I was a camp counselor. I still worked at my
other job at night, to get out of the house and make extra money. Even on
weekends I did some teaching on the side. I wanted to keep busy to prevent
boredom.

Everyone else was doing something. Bill had an internship and spent time
with Cara. Sure I still saw the guy, but not as often. Gray worked some
hours at the gym and also was a lacrosse coach for young recreational team.

I figured it would be nice to spend time with Teddy, before he got older
and thought it wasn't cool to hang out with adults or something. And being
a counselor while Teddy was in summer camp was like hanging with my brother
while getting paid to do it. That and I knew Teddy would be in good
hands. You never know what kinda people are dealing with children.

I ruffled his short blond hair as he stood on a stool, looking at the menu,
deciding what he wanted.

"What do you want?" I prompted.

"I'm looking!" he sang out and I smiled, hugging his round belly
tighter. Teddy hummed thoughtfully as he leaned against my chest, letting
me support his weight. I kissed his shoulder and inhaled my brother's
scent. That may have sounded creepy, but little kids had their own unique
smell. Like something sweet- like cookies.

Finally he decided on a burger and fries and for a second, I thought of
Gray. All the time we've taken Teddy out to eat, Gray's eating habits must
have rubbed off on the kid. Then again, not like my eating habits were all
that great either.

I sighed, as I walked with Teddy back to the main area. All the kids were
scattered throughout the small, local water park, so I couldn't follow
everyone. Most of the counselors just told their kids when they should come
back to the meeting spot.

I just stayed with Teddy as he ate his food, rubbing his wet hair.

The summer was going well and my thoughts wandered as I sat in the
shade. Summer time was hot and the heat got to me sometimes.

Things were going much better between me and Gray.

May was basically makeup month where we spent a lot of time together and
had sex all the time. While some may say our relationship was all about
sex, well, I had read an article in Cosmopolitan magazine at the bookstore
and it stated that men express love through action, through sex.

June was when real summer got started- as in people started working and
doing stuff with friends. That's what we did. Worked, hung out together,
hung out with friends, shit like that. So far, no jealously drama. For now
it was just the two of us and we were content together. My stress and
anxiety had dissipated, but was still hanging there, waiting to jump out at
me.

I was finally taking my own advice and trying not to worry and think too
far ahead- as in getting worked up for no reason. Unfortunately, life
wasn't predictable, so I'd have to wait for something to happen, before
taking action.

Right now I couldn't complain. Our relationship felt strong and steady,
compared to before. Things only got rocky while we were in school, I've
noticed. Over the summer, with my Mom and Bill and Cara knowing about us,
we were a real couple, with no worries.

As July was progressing and August approaching, I was once again at the
point in the summer where I was fearful and dreadful of the future and the
semester, and of my time away from Gray.

Something felt like a ticking time bomb.

That feeling didn't sit well with me. At all.

*************

"Kevin."

I stood back and my mouth fell wide open. Gray pushed his way into my house
and I could tell by his body language that something was really wrong.

His body was tense, he was sweating a bit, his eyes looked crazed, his hair
a mess. He was breathing hard and opened his mouth several times as if he
wanted to say something, but nothing came out. It seemed he was too shocked
or something to get his words out.

"What's wrong?" I asked, starting to panic, as his freak out continued.

"Gray! You're scaring the shit out of me! Tell me what happened?" I said
raising my voice, gripping his arms and trying to steady him.

"Everything is so messed up. I don't know what to do," Gray said rubbing
his head, looking like he was going to cry.

"What's messed up?" I asked with confusion. "God, Gray, please tell me."

"Remember Sherry?" he began.

I instantly tensed. "Yeah?"

"Our parents have been getting together more often, and we usually see each
other at family dinners. Nothing else," he reassured me quickly. "But I
guess her parents told my parents that Sherry has a crush on me and then my
parents started pressuring me about dating her, saying how great she is,
which she is, but I can't date her. When I spend time with her, I have fun
and stuff, but like a friend. I'd rather spend time with you or at least
talk about you when I am with her," he rambled, pacing the carpet.

I followed him, trying to understand what he was getting at. But so far,
all I could see in my head was a giant question mark.

"I don't get that vibe from her, as anything more, so I am definitely
gay. Sometimes I questioned how gay I really am and if I could play it
straight for my parents, but even with a girl as smart and responsible and
gorgeous as Sherry doesn't do anything for me, then I really AM gay. NO
ifs, ands or buts, about that.  Then I thought, I can't continue lying like
this, because by omitting the truth, I am lying, right?" he asked, his eyes
full of turmoil.

"I'm only hurting Sherry, my parents, you, and myself. God, this is so
fucked," he cried out.

"Gray, what else happened?" I asked, wondering what else had gotten him so
riled up.

"They want me to go on a real date with her. Not just hanging out, but a
date-date. They want me to be with her. I guess being twenty now, they're
wondering why I'm not dating, settling down and they think Sherry is a
great girl. So I told them I didn't want to date her, that I wanted to be
single, you know? Dodging the issue. But that wasn't good enough, and then
I just got angry and told them it was my life and I would date who I
wanted, when I wanted."

"Then my Mom and Dad started getting angry, wondering why I was getting
angry and then I started yelling at them, telling them they were bad
parents."

"What, why?"  I asked.

"I hurt their feelings," Gray said breathing out heavily. "I told them I
tried too hard to be good and please them, never got into trouble or did
anything wrong and they were still condemning and hating me. Then they were
really confused and our fighting only escalated," he stated, running his
fingers through his hair.

"My mother was crying and begged me to tell her what was wrong. Why I was
saying all those things?" Gray went out, his eyes classy. "So it just came
out."

"What came out?"

"That I'm gay," Gray said looking at me, his tone even.

"Really?" I gasped.

"Yes, really!" he snapped.

I frowned and blinked, but decided not to call him on his tone. No need to
antagonize the poor guy further.

"Then what," I said. "I mean, how'd they react?" I corrected quickly.

He laughed dryly, pacing the room again. "Stunned. Shocked. Silent."

I nodded. Normal reactions, I supposed.

"My mother was really surprised. She just stood there, looking at me, with,
with, whatever in her eyes. I couldn't even place the look. Probably
disgust," Gray said and he wiped his eyes. "My Mom isn't supposed to hate
me. She loves me. Out of Mom and Dad, she loves me more. Supports me. Now
she hates me?" he asked in a small voice.

I moved over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him
back, inhaling deeply.  I didn't know what to say; I didn't want to risk
sounding insincere.

"My Dad, God, he was disgusted, for sure!" Gray said shrugging me off. I
stood there, looking after him, feeling utterly helpless. "He stared at me,
looked away, shook his head, and then walked. He just walked away. Left the
room. Away from me. The faggot," he said in a hateful tone. "Then I just
did the only thing I could do- I ran." Finally feeling drained, he flopped
onto the couch face down and I heard him sniffling.

I stared at him for a few seconds, not knowing how to comfort him and
feeling terribly sad. I walked closer to him and knelt beside him. My hand
reached out and I hesitated a moment before touching his shoulder gently.

"Oh Gray, I'm so sorry," I said sadly rubbing his back. "I hate how this
happened. I don't want you hurting. God, I love you baby," I whispered
kissing his shoulder blade.

There was silence and finally Gray shifted. His face turned to me and there
were tear marks on his cheeks. I reached out and dried them with my thumb.

"You're so wonderful; you don't deserve this," I murmured. "I love
you. I'll do anything to help you. In any way I can."

"How can you get my parents to love me again?" he demanded, as his blue
eyes welled up once again.

I bit my lip. I didn't have an answer to that. I just squeezed his arm and
rested my head on his shoulder, rubbing circles.

"I love you," I said again.

"I love you, too."

I smiled and kissed his back over and over again. "Baby, let's go
upstairs," I said, tugging on his curls. "Let's get you a shower and then
go to bed."

Gray rubbed his eyes again, but slowly nodded and followed me. I took his
hand and felt him grip it tightly.

Once in my bedroom, I led him to the shower and undressed him. Gray stood
there, looking at the mirror blankly. I kissed his stomach, moving to his
chest, before brushing his lips. I stripped next and smiled when his hands
moved over my body, pulling me to him.

I did a sort of swinging dance with him to the shower as he refused to let
go of me. I turned the water on and made sure the temperature was hot. It
ran down over us, soothing the both of us. Gray hugged me still, his arms
wrapped tightly around my waist, his head resting snugly in the crook of my
neck.

I don't know how long we were in the shower for, but eventually, I managed
to shampoo our hair and run a bar of soap over our bodies. A quick rinse
later, I was drying us off. Figuring we wouldn't be staying up any later,
we brushed out teeth. Afterward, I took his wrist and tugged him to my
room. I pulled my covers back and nudged him to get inside. Gray got
settled in the middle of my bed and looked at me expectantly, a needy look
in his eyes.

I fought the urge to pounce on him, considering the situation, but he
looked absolutely gorgeous, all tan and muscular and serious, lying on my
covers.

I smiled and climbed into bed, intertwining my legs with his as I nestled
on top of him. We sighed in unison and Gray tightened his grip on me,
warmth emanating off of him. I reached for the covers and yanked it up to
our necks, sighing again.

"Thanks Kevin."

"I love you," I stated, as it explained it all.

"I love you," Gray said. "I guess it was time for me to come out anyway. It
was the breaking point. The pressure of choosing between you and my family
and Sherry," he paused. He lifted my chin with his finger and I met his
eyes. "I had to choose what was best for me. I just wish it didn't go down
like that."

"I know angel," I whispered.

"I don't regret it," he went on. "I wished it went differently, though. As
in they didn't hate me."

"You don't know that," I said soothingly. "They didn't say that. It came as
a shock. Give them some time to work it in their heads. They come around."

"Like your Mom?"

"My Mom was shocked too, Gray. She's cool with it now, but then again, me
and Teddy was all she had left, so it made her come around a lot
faster. Imagine how it was for my mother? Her firstborn Chinese son is gay?
Thank God for Teddy. Let's hope he can carry on the family name, although
our last names are different, so I don't know how that will work."

Gray chuckled. "Rambling still, I see."

I kissed his chest and he sighed.

"She didn't like it at first either. She was worried about me being in
future relationships and stuff. We had a lot of deep talks, some very
embarrassing, but it got us to where we are today," I said. "It takes
time," I reiterated.

"I guess," Gray said skeptically.

"Give them a chance, Gray. They produced someone as wonderful as you, they
can't be that bad?" I said playfully.

"Oh you," Gray said laughing. "Always managing to make me feel better."

"I love you. That's my job," I quipped.

"I'll try to talk to them tomorrow. At least get some clothes and stuff. If
it goes badly, can I stay over here for a bit?" Gray asked.

"Of course. You are always welcome here. My family loves you."

"In three weeks I'll have to head back to North Carolina for school. I hope
they don't hate me anymore by then," Gray said sounding sad again. "I would
never be able to focus knowing my parents hated me."

"Who can hate you, Gray? I don't think it's possible," I said.

"We'll see. We'll see," he sighed.

The conversation died and with the safe warmth of our conjoined bodies and
the thick covers shielding us from the outside, we promptly fell asleep.