Date: Sat, 28 Oct 2000 17:21:35 +0200 From: Joshua Cotey <scoteg@yahoo.com> Subject: True Love, part 6 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ok guys, my new story starts from here. I know I first published two other parts, but they weren't very good or life-like in my opinion. So the new story starts now :) You can still send me emails on scoteg@yahoo.com Love you all, Joshua ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- True Love, part 6 (new version) ------------------------------- "Hi Josh, I was waiting for you to show up." he said. "I really missed you! It has been way too long!" He surprised me with a big hug. "You did?" I said, "I thought you kinda would have forgotten me by now." "You kidding? How could I? You're my best friend, I thought you knew that." he smiled. "I missed you too, Matthew. I missed you very much..." We hugged, it felt so good, I didn't wanna let go, but I had to. "So, you're back at last. When did you get here?" I asked. "Just a few hours ago, I'm so tired. Couldn't really sleep on the bus-ride from the airport and you know how much I need my sleep." he said. "Yeah, you're a sleepy head. Always knew that." I joked. I knew now wasn't the right time to ask him my questions, he had to be awake and his brains had to work at 100%. He's so cute, when he just woke up. It was a sight I remembered from that magical night, when I woke up that morning; all I did was watching him when he was still asleep and then when he woke up. All the memories... He broke my thoughts when he said he probably wasn't gonna stay today, he had to do some stuff at home and to get some sleep. I understood and we said goodbye, we would see each other tomorrow anyway. The whole day went by pretty quick and before I knew it, I could go home. It was a really busy day, we had al kinds of difficult courses and we got a lot of work to prepare for next week. I had also spoken to Kyle and he told me he was planning of helping some friends who were gonna found a gay-lesbian- bisexual-club at our campus. I told him it was a nice idea and it would be great to people who had difficulties accepting their sexuality. That way they could come in contact with other gay people and they wouldn't have to handle things on their own. Of course I didn't mention my own recently discovered feelings. I promised him I would come to a meeting with him and give my opinion of what they were doing. So I got home after a boring train ride, to find an email from Matthew in my mailbox. It said: "Dear Josh, I'm so sorry we couldn't talk earlier in class. But I've got something on my mind and I've got to tell you ... Well, I can't do it this way, I've got to meet you in person! Can I come over later on? Please call me! Bye, Matthew." I called him to say it was ok to me, but he didn't wanna talk on the phone either, so I was getting really curious! After about an hour the doorbell rang and indeed Matthew stood there, I told him to get in but he asked me if maybe we could take a walk together. Again I was surprised, but I didn't argue about it and went with him. "So, last weeks were difficult, don't you think?" Matthew said. "Yeah I know, I wanted to talk to you about it today. But you looked so tired." I laughed. That broke the tension a bit and he said: "I know, I really need my sleep!" But obviously he was not in the mood to joke, because he looked me in the eyes and got really serious. "What did you wanna talk about then?" he asked. "Well, I think it's pretty obvious, don't you think? We had a great night together, at least that's what I think, and after that you tell me it's all a bit too fast..." I wasn't quiet ready, but Matthew interrupted me. "I know, I've been a real jerk to you. First I play with your feelings and then I even don't dare to talk to you. You know, you're really special to me and I love you..." at this moment I had to said something even though he didn't seem like he was finished talking. "You love me?" I asked. "Sure I do, you're my best friend. I already told you this morning." Not quiet the answer I was hoping for, but since I decided already that we just would be friends, it was acceptable. He continued: "But I don't know where we go from here. I never considered myself as being gay and now I've got to face all this new questions." he said. "I know, it's new to me too, you know. But I think the only question that matters here is whether you love me enough to continue our so called relationship or not." I couldn't' believe I actually said this, but I was glad I did. "It isn't that easy Josh. What will my parents and my friends think of all this... I don't think I can do this." "I understand, your love isn't strong enough." I smiled and told him I understood. "That's not it. I love you so much..." he continued. "What you love me, but you don't want me???" I asked. I was this close to tell him I understood everything, but this... If he loved me that much, wasn't it worth to make all the changes? I guess not. "Let me finish Josh, I love you so much. But love is a complicated thing..." he was struggling with his own words but I wasn't gonna help him with it this time. He had to say what he wanted to say. "What about you Josh, do you love me?" he suddenly asked. "I can actually say I never loved anyone so much as I love you Matthew." I said being more serious then I ever had been. "So to me, this is all very simple. If you love me and you wanna take this relationship serious I am willing to change whole my life just to be with you!" I said what I wanted to say. "That's really sweet and I think you really mean it too. But I can't promise you I'll always love you the way you love me, I think you deserve someone else, someone better who can give all the love you deserve." he said. At this point I couldn't keep my tears from falling anymore. All the things he said, it sounded so unreal and yet he was actually saying every word of it... "You know Matthew," I told him, "all this reminds me of an old saying I once heard. The heart is a fragile thing, break it too badly and it may well never recover. I think you could have broken my heart one time to many Matthew." I said. He didn't know what to say, he walked over to me and gave me a big hug. After a kiss on my forehead he said: "I will never do anything to harm you. I love you way too much to do that. But I can't give you what you need." "I wish it could all be so simple, that loving each other would be enough. But it isn't!" I said. "Well Josh, you're one of the few persons who actually knows this much about me. Normally I try to be everybody's friend but I make sure nobody really knows the whole truth about me. You could actually be the first person who knows me better then anyone. That sometimes scares me, you know. I love you so much, what if I ever lose you?" he said. "I'll go nowhere, that's for sure and if I die tomorrow I'll be happy because I have what I wanted." I told him. "And what's that?" he asked. "I know you love me!" To be continued... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- I hope you liked the new story so far. I've got some interesting things left to come. So tell me what you think of it and if the comments are good, I'll try to post the new part as soon as possible. One address: scoteg@yahoo.com Love, Joshua -----------------------------------------------------------------------------