Date: Wed, 14 Aug 2002 17:29:01 +0000
From: eric leung <fantasy_eric@hotmail.com>
Subject: Gay_College_The Unfinished Letter Chapter 4

Hello, readers. I thought I'll give you all a treat and post 2 chapters this
time. See, I can be quite accommodating if you ask nicely. I hope you can
be too because I'd like to know what you think of these two chapters. So
please write to me at: fantasy_eric@hotmail.com.  Who knows, it may give me
the incentive to post 2 more chapters the next time!

Well, I won't keep you longer except to say that if you are under 18 or are
offended by homosexual relationships, please leave. Otherwise, go ahead
and enjoy this chapter.



Chapter 4: Leo or Gary?

	The next day, I convinced myself that nothing had happened between Gary
and me. I was imagining things and it was probably something innocent and I must
have read too much into it. So I decided to carry on as before and proceeded to
meet Gary at the gym for our swim.

	Although I tried to act as if everything was normal, I couldn't help
myself. I realized later that I'd unconsciously avoided talking to him
unnecessarily. Our conversations were friendly but was short and was kept to
a minimum. He didn't say anything about what had happened yesterday. He didn't
even try to raise the subject and, halfway through our swimming workout, I felt
relieved that I must have been mistaken about Gary's intention that I reverted
to my normal self. Our conversations gradually became less stifled and soon we
were back to friendly banter and lively exchanges.

	Gary couldn't be gay, I told myself. Somehow, I felt relieved and
disappointed at the same time. I couldn't decide which one I felt more.

	After our workout, I accepted a ride home from Gary. When we reached
the front of my apartment, I picked up my bag and was ready to get off when
Gary grabbed my hand as I was opening the car door.

	"Zion, I'd like to talk to you...about what happened yesterday. I know
that you don't want to talk about it and both of us have tried to act as if
nothing has happened. But this is impossible. I feel so bad if I don't clear
the air with you."

	My heart was beating very fast when I heard what he said. I'm not
sure how to react if he proceeded further.

	"Zion..."

	"I need to go now..." I decided that running away seemed to be the
easiest option for me, but Gary held on to me. I turned to plead with him to
let me go but he had a cute, adoring, puppy-like expression on his face and
I immediately forgot what I wanted to say.

	"Zion, I like you very much. Will you be my boyfriend? Please give me
a chance."

	I asked myself if this was real. Why was this happening to me? In
barely a week, two guys had asked me to be their boyfriends. Before I could think
further, Gary pulled me toward him and kissed me hard. His kiss was rough, and
his hands were touching all over my body. His left hand reached under my T-shirt
and twisted my nipple hard. I yelled a little bit from the pain and realized
that I was surprisingly turned on. I'd always thought I liked my men to be
gentle. I never realized that I can also be attracted by rough and ready
advances. He was all man and I was excited....

	"Don't feed him too much," I said to Justin when I walked into our room.

	"He's so cute," Justin remarked as he continued feeding my little bird.
"How did it go today?" he asked.

	"Bad, I think," I replied.

	"So did you talk to Gary?"

	"Yeah, I tried to act as if nothing had happened. I don't know how to
face him so I talked to him only when necessary. But when we left the gym today,
we had a talk and he asked me to be his boyfriend."

	"So how did you answer him?"

	"I told him to give me some time to think."

	"I think you like him a lot. You should have accepted immediately."

	"I don't know, I still feel a little scared. And what about Leo?"

	"You don't have to be scared. Gary is nice, unlike my brother who you can
just ignore. He's only a jerk."

	"He's not a jerk! Justin, I know he's serious this time. I can see that in
his eyes."

	"Gee...what are you saying? You sounded just like one of those actresses in
a soap opera. Oh! I can see that in his eyes!" Justin said dramatically.

	I hit the back of his head.

	"Ouch! Watch it..that hurts!" he rubbed the back of his head. "Give me
a break, will you? Can't you take some ribbing? And why do you feel scared? Are you
scared to love?"

	"I'm not an idiot, how can I be afraid of love?"

	"You know what, Zion?"

	"What?"

	"You are an idiot!"

	"You are dead meat. Don't call me that!"

	I jumped on him and both of us fell on the floor. We wrestled with each
other until we're both tired and ended up laughing at our silly behavior, clutching
our sides as we rolled around the floor giggling like a pair of idiots.

	"Justin, I really don't know why I'm scared," I answered after we had
sobered up and I'd thought about it a bit. "All I know is that I have a funny,
uncomfortable feeling every time I'm near Gary."

	"Maybe you're reading your feelings wrong. Remember what I told you
about that? If you don't sort yourself out soon, you could lose the chance to
find happiness with a hot guy."

	"Yeah, maybe you're right."

	That night, Justin was playing games on his computer while I was sitting
on our bed holding the fan that my mom had left me. I knew why Uncle and Aunt
had mailed the three things to me. They wanted me to have something to remember my
my family by. I was now the only one of my family left. I'd need to be strong and
face the challenges ahead of me bravely. I'd lost Mom and Dad and then I lost Zak
too. At least, I still have my life ahead of me. So I should be thankful for that.
I shouldn't be scared to live my life to the fullest. I should be brave in
giving and accepting love in return.

	"There is nothing to be scared of," I told myself. I looked out the
window and revelled in the wave-like sound of the rustling leaves as the wind
blew through the forest.

	"Zion?" I was brought out of my reverie when Justin called.

	"Yeah?"

	"You know what?"

	"What?"

	"Look at this website I found. It says that eighty percent of the
student population in our school is male. It goes on to say that if you
are homophobic, then it is likely that you'll end up offending quite a number
of gay people, many of whom are not easily intimidated and will response in kind.
It also says that our school has a big gay union. Wow, looks like a gay paradise
here!"

	"Gee..who would set up such a website? Someone from the school?"

	"I don't know...This site has also a page full of pictures of hot guys.
Wow, all these hunks studying in our school! Gee...would you look at this one,
he's so cute!"

	"Justin, I'm not in the mood for this," I responded, a bit harshly.

	"Sorry, Zion."

	I sighed. "No, Justin, I should be more considerate. I'm the one who
should be apologizing."

	Justin opened his mouth to reply but someone chose to knock at our
door at that moment.

	"Zion, can we talk? I have something to say to you," Leo's voice came
from the other side of the door.

	"Ok, I'll be out."

	I walked out of the room. Leo asked if we could go over to his and I
agreed. We walked into his room and sat down on his bed.

	"Zion?"

	"Yeah?"

	"I saw what happened in Gary's car this evening."

	"Oh..."

	"I think you've made a decision, haven't you?"

	"Huh? What do you mean?"

	"I think you've chosen him over me."

	"Leo..."

	"I understand. In every one's eyes, I'm only a slut."

	"No, you're not!"

	"Thank you for the kind words, Zion, but you don't really mean that."

	"Yes, I do!"

	Suddenly he pushed me on the bed and lay on top of me. He kissed my jaw and
neck. He held me so tight that I was completely immobilized by his hot body.

	"Zion, please...sleep with me tonight."

	"No, Leo, please..." My breaths were getting shorter and shorter.

	"At least let me have something to remember you by."

	"Please, Leo, not like this..."

	"Just sex and no responsibility. Just for tonight."

	"Leo..." My resistance was getting weaker and weaker. Should I give in
and throw all my cares to the wind? Should we just enjoy ourselves and not
worry about what's to come? I like him very much, maybe even beginning to fall
in love with him, so why am I hesitating? Too much thinking can sometimes do
you in, I told myself. Look at what you're missing out here, a perfectly hot
guy with a bod to die for is throwing himself at you and you are still in doubt?

	I sighed and gave in. I hugged his body tightly and called out his
name. My hands found their way underneath his shirt and felt his rock hard
back. Forgive me for giving in to my desires, but I'm only human, I heard
myself thinking. My leg was now wrapped around his hip as Leo kissed my neck
and I moaned in response. It felt so good that I let the last vestige of doubt
and resistance within me vanish.

	I think Leo must have felt my surrender. He tore off my T-shirt and
clamped his mouth over my nipple, biting it hard. I yelled out in a mixture of
pain and surprise. Strangely, I found that to be erotic and it turned me on
tremendously. I felt a rush of passion take me over as he took off my shorts
and underwear. I felt so weak at that moment, lying there naked before him, the
blood having rushed southwards as evidenced by my throbbing cock standing out
proud awaiting Leo's attention. I couldn't move my body. It was as if all my
strength had left me.

	I smiled and lay there on the bed, inviting Leo to do what he wished
with me. He looked into my eyes and, seeing the lust reflecting back at him,
quickly took off his clothes, haphazardly throwing pieces of clothing everywhere.
I could see a fire in his eyes, like those stoking a boiling cauldron. I could
almost swear that his eyes turned red as he surrendered his human side and let
his baser desires take over.

	He became a beast as he lay on top of me and kept attacking my body with
his lips, his tongue, his teeth and his hands. He couldn't get enough. Suddenly,
I felt a sharp pain in my nether regions and I froze in shock as a scream died
within my throat. I felt something pushing hard, knocking at my back door,
demanding immediate entry as I realized that Leo's cock had forced its way inside
me. It felt like I'd been torn in two, the pain was so intense that I just lapsed
into shock as endorphins kicked in, in an attempt to numb and nullify the pain.

	But it wasn't enough. I could still feel the pain amid the feeling of
fullness in my lower body. This time, I knew I couldn't stop the scream from
leaving my throat so I bit down hard on Leo's shoulder to stifle it. He must
have felt it and quickly pulled out from me. This only caused a fresh sensation
of pain to hit me, and I couldn't help myself from shuddering and thrashing under
his body. He held me tight until I'd stopped convulsing, and then he moved away.

	It took me a moment to focus as everything looked blur to me. The first
thing I could see clearly was the look on Leo's face. He was crying and looking
utterly miserable. I turned to look lower down and I could see bloodstain on the
bedsheet around me.

	"S..s..Sorry, Zion, I didn't mean to hurt you. I just...I don't know why
it happened. I..I'm..so sorry.." he uttered in between sobs and tears.

	I tried to sit up but a sharp pain coming from somewhere in my lower body
stopped me. I decided to just lay on the bed until the pain subsided. I didn't
know what else to do. I felt Leo holding me as his hands caressed my face. He
was lying down crying on my chest, sobbing miserably. Even in my pain, I could
felt his misery. I ran my fingers through his hair and tried to soothe him. My
hand stroking his head must have helped somewhat to finally calm him down a while
later.

	"Sorry, Zion. Please forgive me, I didn't mean to hurt you. Are you ok?"
He was still lying on my chest as he apologized in a small voice.

	"Yeah...I think so. It's not so painful now."

	"Oh Zion..I really am sorry. I don't know why I did that, I couldn't
think clearly. I was so lost in you. The first time I saw you, I thought you
were Zak. I..I loved Zak but he didn't feel the same for me and I felt so hurt."
He paused as he recalled a painful part of his past. I continued stroking
him as he struggled to get his next words out.

	"A..a few months later after I got back home from a holiday, Justin's
friend, Henry, seduced me. I was still innocent until then and that was my
first time with anybody. It helped me forget my pain for a while and so, after
that, I decided to throw ideals and caution to the wind. So I started having
sex with other people, to help me forget the pain of unrequited love. All the
while, I never felt lonelier despite the company of my constant bed warmers, and
a steady stream of boytoys. I still longed for Zak and each person I brought
to my bed was a pale shadow in comparison to him, that is until I met you..."
Leo looked up at me and smiled weakly.

	"I thought you could be Zak's substitute as I was so desperate for him.
But I was wrong. You are different from Zak. You showed me kindness and care
despite our not having spent many moments together. There is a radiance about
you that makes me weak all over. After Zak, I thought that I would never feel
love again but I was mistaken. I love you, Zion. I really do, and I realized that
I love you more than Zak. The love I feel for you makes me want to burst out
with joy and shout out in happiness...but I now know that, like Zak, you don't
feel the same for me..."

	I tried to tell him not to jump to conclusions but he shushed me as he
continued.

	"You see, I saw you kissing Gary and I realized then that true love
would always elude me. It was so unfair and I was consumed with jealousy and
hatred. Why couldn't you love me in return? Am I so horrible a person...so
incapable of loving and being loved? At that moment, I wanted to destroy you.
If I couldn't have you, then nobody else would, I thought to myself. But, again,
I was wrong. I couldn't do that...just as I couldn't stop myself from loving
you. I love you, Zion. I don't know why, I just do. We've only known each other
for a month but I'm hopeless in love with you. I love you, but you don't love
me and I don't know what to do... How am I going to make it through another
heartbreak....? It hurts so bad...."

	Words failed him and he looked lost in his thoughts as he stared blankly
off into space. His eyes had lost their focus and were glassy. I could see fresh
tears falling down his face. I tried to reassure him that I hadn't made any
decision yet so he needn't worry, but I don't think he heard me, so lost in his
thoughts was he. He finally fell asleep in my arms as I stroked his back
tenderly.

	I decided to stay the night with him. I felt sorry for him. He's not
that uncaring a person after all. He'd been hurt and was trying to recover and
move on, only to get hurt a second time. Until I'd made a decision, I didn't
know how to face him. It would be awkward, at the best.

	When I woke up the next morning, Leo had already left. I tried to sit
up but my lower body still felt painful every time I moved my leg. I decided to
go and see a doctor later.

	I finally made it back to my room. As I opened the door, Justin sat up
from the bed.

	"You are finally back," he stated the obvious.

	"Yeah... You looked like you haven't had much sleep last night," I said
as I slowly made my way across the room.

	"Actually, I don't think I slept at all. I am worried about you," Justin
replied, looking at me with a look of concern. "Are you all right? What's wrong
with you?"

	"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry. And I'm fine, don't worry."

	"So what happened last night?" he asked, not convinced that I was ok.

	"Nothing. Really nothing, Justin."

	"You are lying, Zion."

	"Sorry...but..."

	"Don't apologize, Zion. I don't want to hear that you're sorry, I just
want to know the truth."

	"Justin..."

	"Sit down," he invited.

	As I gingerly sat down beside him, he put his hand on the back of my neck,
then closed his eyes and brought our foreheads together, hugging me to him.

	"Zion, please tell me the truth. I am very worried," he said when we
pulled apart a moment later.

	"Justin?"

	"Yeah?"

	"Why are you so worried?"

	"I am concerned for you, and I worry for your well-being."

	"No, you've only known me for a few weeks. I think you're more concerned
for your brother."

	"No! I don't care about that jerk. I hate him!"

	"Justin, why you are lying?"

	"I'm not. Really, Zion, I'm not," he denied and then broke down crying.

	"It's all right....shh, it's all right." I pulled him into my embrace
as he cried on my shoulder. "Justin, please forgive your brother....What
happened between you and him wasn't what you'd always thought."

	"I can't, I can't. I just can't. I love him and I've always looked up
to him as my idol, my hero. He's my brother and I love him so much but he
betrayed me. He knows that I love Henry and yet, he still seduced him. He slept
with Henry..."

	"No, it's not what you think." I told him Leo's version of what had
happened between Henry and him and, after a slight hesitation, decided to
tell him everything about what had happened last night.

	"Are you okay, Zion? Are you hurt bad?"

	"Don't worry, it doesn't hurt that bad now," I gave him a smile.
"And I'm sorry, Justin."

	"Why, Zion? You've done nothing wrong."

	"If it were not for my brother, Leo wouldn't be that way and you
wouldn't have had a misunderstanding with your brother. I'm sorry that
Zak caused both of you to drift apart."

	"Hey...it's none of your fault. You didn't cause it, how could you?
And even Zak is not fully to be blamed. He can't help himself if he can't
return my brother's love, can he?"

	"Thanks, Justin."

	Justin smiled and enquired again if I was sure that I was ok. He urged
me to see a doctor immediately.

	"I will. It still hurts and I'll be going to the doctor after this."

	"I'll come with you."

	"No, I am fine. Don't worry, I can make it by myself."

	"If you're sure...." Justin looked at me uncertainly but I reasurred
him that I was fully capable of making it to the doctor by myself.

	I had reached the hospital grounds and was walking on the footpath, heading
towards the hospital. I was feeling much better and congratulated myself for
having made it this far, grinning to myself as I turned a corner.

	Suddenly, there was a large presence of another person turning the same
corner in front of me and, the next thing I knew, we collided into each other.
Wham! I felt like I'd hit a brick wall..yet again.

	Gee...I was sitting on my butt again. I think I fell hard, I could feel
a sharp pain. I tried to get up but I couldn't. Then I looked up to see that
big guy again. Strange how we kept literally running into each other. This was
the third time I ran into him. Fate kept pushing us together and I didn't even
know his name.

	"Sorry...Yaah...! You again? I am so sorry. Are you ok?" he asked,
scratching his head as usual.

	I tried to answer but it felt so painful and I don't feel too good.
I suddenly felt dizzy and a wave of nausea came over me. I realized that the
guy's face had suddenly lost its color and he looked very pale. He was looking
down and I followed his line of sight to see lots of blood around me.

	Blood? My blood? I had another attack of dizziness and everything
looked fuzzy to me. I felt the guy gently lifting me up and carrying me towards
the direction of the hospital. Suddenly, he began walking faster and then broke
out into a run even as I struggled to stay conscious. Is this the end of the
road for me, was my last thought before everything turned black...


Tbc.



I know, I know.. a mini cliffhanger. But it is an appropriate place to
end this. This is the longest chapter of this series yet so let me know
how you like it, while I figure out how to continue this. Or do you have any
ideas? Let me know...and don't forget to write to Zion too. I'm sure he'll
appreciate it!