Date: Tue, 1 Nov 2005 20:17:10 +0000 (GMT)
From: Lidyah Khan <lidyah17@yahoo.co.uk>
Subject: Welcome to New York University Chapter Two

Alex's POV

 Today has been a whirlwind, first I get shipped off to a country that I
never even wanted to study at. I mean I would have preferred to study in
Italy or France, around the architect and culture, but no ma and pa had to
send me here, to a place I had no intention to even visit never mind study
in.

 I guess some people would find it selfish, I mean I got a scholarship to
study at a top university in New York, and all I want to do is run back
home. I mean it's not like I lived on a bloody farm, I lived in the
countryside and it was always peaceful and quiet, and I'm now residing in
the busiest place in the world.

 So I sucked it up, did what I was told, took the scholarship and flew to
New York. The airports and train stations weren't so bad; I mean everyone
helped me there. It's just the people out *here* are the animals. God it's
so busy and I'm going to die here, that stupid woman in the registration
office was such a bitch to me and...I mean who acts like...who talks like
that?

 Okay I admit living in the country means, that you don't get stuck with
extravagant people. I'm sure as hell not saying that New Yorker's are
animals , just well some?

 Now I'm sitting here with my future room mate who has just told me that if
I have a problem with him being gay I should go fuck myself, in simpler
terms, and all I want to do is laugh or even bloody cry, or even hug him
(and probably blush cause he is fit) anyway because he has no idea how much
this means to me and I blurt it out, I say it too, and it feels so good .

"I'm gay too."

 There was no hesitation , no round the block and a million times. I may be
gay, but I'm not a fucking girl either. So if he told me he was gay, it was
only natural I'd do the same.

 Though I keep thinking it's too good to be true, but then his face
brightens up and he smiles so widely, that I can see his pre molars.

 He says something and I have no idea what because I'm just grinning at
him, and I just nod my head to whatever he is saying, because now I can be
me and it feels...so good.


 Not saying that back home was a big drama either, I told my parents, and I
told my friends, and I never hid who I was but I never flaunted it either.
The difference was it was the twenty first century , and people didn't pull
you up on stakes to burn you alive either.

 Pa was sad. Just sad, I mean he shook his head and left the room. I think
he'll always be disappointed in me. But I guessed fuck that, it' s my life
and I'm not changing myself just to make one person happy. Ma she kind of
started to cry and said something about not being a grandmother, which was
bullocks because I have two older sisters, and they can give her as many
kids as they want. Sally is my oldest sister she was harsh and cold towards
me, and I think she was even disgusted in me. She's twenty-one and she had
a boyfriend , anytime she would bring George over she'd whisper to him and
he'd always glance at me. What she didn't know was that her boyfriend
wasn't homophobic and he and I use to chill by the riverside banks and have
a smoke. He was a nice guy, always caring and sweet and just merely
shrugged his shoulders when I asked him why he hung out with me.

 Tatiana, my other sister who just turned twenty when I came out, started
crying and yelling and not the `I am so ashamed in you way either' she was
ecstatic and happy, and so relieved I finally came out because she said she
would have done it for me if I hadn't.

 If I didn't have Tatiana in my life I think I would have drowned myself.
She was the only support I got from my family, and for that I'll always be
grateful.

 My friends were mostly female anyway, except Aaron who just laughed, and
then passed out because he was high. I never actually knew what he thought
of the idea of me being gay either. Chrissie, Sanya, Anita and Heleena all
hugged me and said they still loved me no matter what. I should have known,
when I was friends with the four hottest girls in school, that I was gay.

 I mean I had the bad, but I had some good too. I guess I should be
thankful for the latter.

 *

 Later That Day

 I had packed all my things, I only had my computer, hi-fi system and TV to
hook up; Tatiana was sending that all over to me in the next few days . I
did my bed just the way my mum taught me when I was eight and I pulled the
bed sheets so tight that you could bloody well bounce a ball off it. Habits
die hard .

 Jay had disappeared half an hour ago, saying he needed to chat to a few
friends and would be back soon. I kind of wanted to go with him, it' s
weird but he made me feel safe and I thought we could talk about stuff. You
know gay stuff.

 I never had a boyfriend, or any experience of any sort, heck I haven't
even kissed a girl either, and Jay just looked like he had you know some
experience. Maybe I shouldn't assume things. Bad habits die hard.

 The clock is ticking away, and I am sitting on my hard rock bed like I am
waiting for my husband to come home. The halls are oddly quiet, and so are
the streets below. I like it, it's peaceful and sensual.

 I bet everyone has already hit the clubs and parties and now I feel kind
of alone , and a bit of a dimwit just sitting here. The many non-perks of
being a foreign student, you have no idea where to go.

 Back home, I was more of a home bound guy, I went to school, came home.
Went to work and came home did my homework and went to sleep. I basically
had the same cycle for the last five to six years of my life. I never
minded, yeah the girls and Aaron would go to some crazy parties in the
city, or go on holidays for six weeks during the summer holidays. I just
never had the passion nor the interest to bother with it, but they were all
good to me, all understood me and I loved that about them and always
will. They never tried to change me into something I knew I just couldn't
be and to have friends like that is hard to come by.

 It's funny how you start to remember home, even though when you are there
you just want to run away and never come back. I think that only kicked in
for me when I came out, my parents were quiet and sad, my sister was
hostile, and it just made coming home hard and tiring.

 Maybe being here will let me do those things I never did at home . I'll go
to parties and clubs. I'll make new friends. I'll study hard and work and I
can go home and show my parents that I am worth something.

 Maybe I'll even meet someone, who I can take back home and say I love, and
care for.

 Maybe it's a big dream. I guess we'll start of simple, and I just hope Jay
will help me.