Date: Sun, 17 Jun 2012 14:22:12 +0200
From: Shawn Edwards <shawnedwards92@gmail.com>
Subject: With all my heart 4

I woke up Sunday morning at 9am. I knew mass had already started so i
wouldnt be there in time. Okay i would be there in time with my car
but i just felt tired. There was a not besides me. I took it and
unfolded it. I knew it was Joe but what was he saying. I prayed he
wasnt inviting me out with him again. If so i would pass the offer. I
wanted to stay in the whole day. Have some time to myself and see what
to do with my college life. I knew i had been there just two days but
those days were quite eventful so they meant a lot. However the days
hadnt been fruitful. I needed to do something about it. They would
determine my college life and if they werent fruitful then my college
life wouldnt be. But what was i to do. It was all out of my control.

                                                                    I
opened the note and smiled. It read:
                    THANKS. DIDNT WANNA WAKE YOU. SEE YOU TONIGHT.

                          I couldnt help but smile. The way he wrote
see you tonight made it feel like he was coming to make love to me and
couldnt wait. It made me think he could love me. Even though i knew
there was no possibility of him and me, he would always have a corner
place in my heart. I got up and went to piss then showered. After that
i wore jeans and my favourite white t-shirt. It had been ages since i
had emailed or communicated with my family and friends. I took my
macbook and checked my emails. There were emails from my family and my
best friend. I replied mom and dad first then saved my bestie for
last. She was telling me how interesting and adventure filled her
college life was. Luck her. It was sort of the opposite for me. I
replied her and lied, telling her mine was more packed. I wished it
was true. I wished i could tell her how shattered i was but i couldnt

Only one answer was acceptable when asked how college life was.
Nomatter how hard it was you had to lie and say it rocked. I closed my
laptop and went out to the balcony to stand there and relax. It
overlooked the quad which was a rectangular garden with a lawn and
some beautiful flowers. There was nobody there so i decided not to go
down and sit there. I just looked down from my balcony. I wanted to
think, realise where my life was taking me. Would i find love? Nobody
knew i was gay yet at this school. Only my best friend and friends and
some family back home knew. My parents were oblivious. They were
devout Catholics who expected a daughter in law pretty soon. I was
deeply absorbed in my thoughts i noticed later on that somebody had
walked into the quad and was standing and admiring the beautiful loan
and flowers. My eyes didnt want to wander off to him. I just wanted to
think. Neither did i want to pay any attention to his presence but he
was attracting me with a force stronger than gravity. I didnt want to
look but he forced me to take a closer look at him. I was Juliet
standing on my balcony and he was my Romeo, calling me to him.

 I finaly gave in to the force that was now taking over me. I had no
choice. There he stood facing me but we hadnt any eye contact. He
stood at least 5ft 10in. He had ripped and tonned muscules, not as
bulky as Joes but they were there. They were impressive and his chest
stuck out pretty nice from his brown t-shirt. His biceps were tight on
his sleeves,not allowing any air in. He wore three quarter shorts and
they illuminated his thick shaped thighs and muscled legs. He was a
God and he looked as though he had descended from a seventh heaven.
His body was perfect. He had a square face with pretty jaws. I couldnt
make out his face from my distance but i could see it was to die for.
He had raven black  hair with no visible facial hair.

Ay Papi, he was a Spanish God with a perfect tan. I wanted to see him
up close and personal and make out that glorious face. I ran my hand
in my thick blond hair and shook my head. I had to be sure i wasnt
watching a dream. Yeah i wasnt. He was real and i had to feel him. I
had to at least get closer to that hot body. I had to just shake hands
with him and exchange a few words with him. It would rest my sould.
Even if i died after doing just that i wouldnt care because i would
march straight into heaven for i would have spoken to God. If anybody
ever doubted if there was a God he should have seen this Spaniard. He
would have faith and be saved right there and then. I felt my cock
throbbing. I could see myself with that guy in our house all day and
then making love allnight. I was now hard. I had to talk to him. All
the while i stared at him and forgot about everything else including
the fact that he had felt my stare and was now staring at me aswell in
the same way. He waved and i waved back without thinking then ducked
into my room. Bad move. I should have stayed. I was embarassed now. I
had acted likd a little girl. I had to go down and talk to him to
prove i wasnt into him. I was but i didnt have to show. Then i would
look silly. I decided not to. I would spent the day locked in my room
till Joe came. God why did i just fall like this. Was this a weakness?
And he was straight. I knew he was and it would be a repeat of the Joe
experience over again. Can life get any harder? For a moment i just
wanted to shout. Tell the whole world im gay so the guys could come to
me. If life was that simple. I closed my eyes trying to clear my head.

"Hey," he said smiling as i opened the door for him.
               "Hey." i said then then closed the door soon as he
entered. I looked into those eyes and i could see they were searching.
I could sense he had something on his mind but what? I had to wait and
see. He drew me closer to him and hugged me tight. I looked down and
our eyes met. He leaned in for a kiss and our lips...............

            I felt my body shaking and Joe calling my name. I woke up.
It was already dark. God i was pissed. Not only could i not have Joe.
He prevented me from having anybody else, even in my dreams. I got up
from my bed and his face was beaming. I hadnt seen him since he went
shopping yesterday. I missed him so i couldnt remain pissed at him. I
smiled as he took me to the lounge. He had ordered take outs. He told
me it was for appreciation. He told me how grateful he was to have met
me and that he was looking foward to be great friends with me. How
sweet. We ate then i left. I wanted to go and sleep. Maybe that dream
would continue.
                                                            I lay
there awake it seems i had lost touch with reality. I didnt remember
if i had seen that rare delicacy or not. Above all i was anxious about
classes. I had two guys i was madly in love with. At least with Joe it
was subsiding. With that Spanish God it was so intense. I think more
than it had been with Joe. Yet i didnt know anything about him. I
didnt even know if he ever lived on campus, i didnt know when i would
see him again. I wanted so badly to see him. I didnt know where his
room was plus if he was on a different faculty then i wouldnt see him
often. My thoughts were cut short when i felt someone besides me then
a hand around my shoulder. I closed my eyes and relaxed. Joe felt
warm. This was a bad idea.

I didnt know if i could control myself. I wanted to wrap myself around
him and kiss him. I needed to relax so i just pushed the thoughts away
for a moment. I woke up next morning with a piss hard on. I moved my
hip a bit and felt his own cock hard against my ass crack. It was
massive and i could feel it. I wanted very much to hold it and suck it
but i couldnt. I wanted to see it out of those pants. I hadnt seen it
erect. I quickly left the bed and went into the toilet. I left the
door open. I took out my 8in erect dick and began pissing. The sound
of the water cackling must have woken him because i then saw him
standing next to me. He unzipped his pants and let it out. I looked
down and couldnt belive myself. There was 10in of cut dick and i
couldnt have them. I got out before i got the urge to kneel before him
and beg him to feed me. He was making it difficult for me. It was like
trying to be a vegetarian then somebody brought steaks and gave them
to you. Or being a vampire in Twilight then somebody bleeds and you
know you wanna suck em dry but you cant. You hold yourself back. I was
tired of that. I needed to let loose.

 I was relieved when he went and showered in his room. I wasnt sure i
could hold me back. I showered and prepared for my first day of class.
I already knew my timetable and i had a map of the campus including
the lecture rooms. In the back of my mind i prayed he was doing the
facculty of law. The same with me. Then i would see me. I walked into
the lecture room with Joe and some girls giggled. I looked up and saw
Joes girl together with some other girls who were looking at me funny.
I knew she had told them about me plus i was hot and i knew they
wanted me. They were searching like me for people to love. We had that
and something else in common, we were all searching for boys. Sorry
girls im not yours. I hope i belong to someone.

So his girl lived on campus. I smiled at the girls and they waved. I
was smiling at her as a matter of fact. She winked at me. Joe went to
sit at the top of the lecture room with his girl. I sat in the middle.
The lecture room soon filled. We were all waiting, the rest for the
lecturer but me for him. I didnt know his name yet but i was taken
with him. I prayed he had a sexy Spanish name. The Proffesor came and
sadly for me, he was the last person to enter. Oh yeah, he wasnt in
the faculty of law. I had to look for him at the residence, his room.
The lecture didnt go well for me. I could hear them all laughing in a
blur. My mind was somewhere else, it was drifting away, faraway. I
finished my first day of learning then rushed to my room. I hadnt seen
him. I stood on my balcony till night, well till Joe took me inside
but i didnt see him. I was at the least pissed off. I wanted to hire
someone to look for a Spanish guy and bring him to me alive. Tuesday
was the same, lectures went by in a blur and i rushed to the balcony
to no avail, then Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I think i saw a
ghost. I had been everywhere searching for him. He was hiding from me.
Was it just another daydream or he was real? If he was then where the
fuck was he?