Date: Mon, 26 May 2008 23:28:33 -0400
From: Lone Wolf <kk.lonewolf.37@gmail.com>
Subject: Zack and Jay Chapter #3

Zack and Jay

Chapter 3

Author: Lone Wolf



I can hear beeping coming from nearby and the whispers of what sounds like
two people; one male, and the other female. I can also hear rhythmic
whooshing sounds, not sure what they are. 'God, my throat hurts', I think
to myself. I open my eyes, and try to focus. I can see bright lights above
me, and nothing else. I blink my eyes a few times trying to clear them, and
let them adjust to the light. I see two people standing near by and try
calling to them, but I can't. There is something in my mouth and it seems
to be going down my throat.

The female notices that my eyes are open, and says, "Doctor?" He turns to
her from the machine he's been watching and she adds, "He's awake."

He turns to me and smiles and comes to the side of the bed I'm lying
in. "Welcome back to the land of the living." I try to talk again, but he
stops me and says, "Don't try and talk, there is a tube down your throat
that is helping you breathe. Now that you're awake; I think we can get rid
of that, though. Nurse, would you give me a hand extubating him?"

She nods to him and walks over to the side of the bed and disconnects the
tube running into my mouth from the tube running to the machine making the
whooshing sound. I now realize that I wasn't breathing on my own, the
machine had been breathing for me. The doctor turns the machine off then
comes to the bed and takes the place where the nurse had been standing. He
leans over me and says, "When I say to I want you to take a deep breath and
hold it, then when I say to, I want you to blow it out as fast and hard as
you can. Ok?"

I nod my head, still unable to talk.

He removes the strap holding the tube in place, and grasps the end of the
tube protruding from my mouth. And tells me to take a deep breath and hold
it. I inhale as deeply as I can and he plugs the end of the tube with his
thumb. "Are you ready?" He asks. I nod again. And he says, "Blow!" I blow
the air out of my lungs as hard as I can and feel the tube slide up my
throat and out of my mouth. I cough uncontrollably for a few minutes, then
the coughing fit dissipates, and I finally catch my breath.

I try to talk again, but find my throat hurts so badly I can only
whisper. The doctor leans over the bed to hear me as I whisper, "I'm
thirsty; can I have something to drink?"

"A little water won't hurt. Nurse would you please get Zack, some water?"
She nods and leaves the room.

"What happened?" I ask him a little loader this time.

"Well Zach; you're a very sick young man. Your appendix ruptured and you
had to have emergency surgery to remove it and clean up your abdominal
cavity. You were having trouble breathing on your own so we had to intubate
you. And you've been on mega doses of antibiotics and other medications to
kill the infection and other toxins that leaked into your body. You're very
lucky to still be alive." He explains to me.

"How long have I been out?" I ask him.

"You were brought in early Saturday morning by ambulance, and it is now
Thursday evening, so; five and a half days." He says.

"Oh my God; I can't believe it. Where's Jay?" I ask him.

He nods towards the corner of the room, and says, "He must be a very
special friend. He hasn't left your side for more than ten minutes sense
you were brought in."

I turn in the direction he nodded and see Jay sleeping in a chair, turn
back to the doctor with tears in my eyes and say, "Yeah, he is a very
special friend."

The nurse returns to the room with a small container and glass and pours me
some water.

I ask the nurse, "Would you please wake Jay up for me?"

"Of course." She says, and walks over to where Jay is sitting and shakes
him lightly.

He jerks awake startled and asks, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. Zack's asking for you." She responds.

He looks over at me, jumps up, and nearly runs the five feet to my bedside.

"We'll leave you two alone for a few minutes. But Zack, you really need to
get some rest." The doctor says and he and the nurse leave the room.

"Thank God, I thought I'd lost you." Jay says to me.

"Not a chance, I will never leave you." I tell him tears leaking from my
eyes. "Are my parents here?" I ask him.

"Yeah, they went down to the cafeteria a little while ago to get something
to eat. They should be back any minute now."

Just then I hear Mom yell, "Zack, you're awake! Thank God!" My parents are
now standing on the other side of my bed, Mom just about smothering me with
hugs and kisses. We talk for a little while and as I can hardly keep my
eyes open, my parents leave and head to the hotel they've been staying at.

Jay says, "I really should get going, too. You need to get some rest."

"Don't go, stay with me." I beg him.

"I'm not sure I can sleep in that chair another night." He almost whines.

"Who said anything about sleeping in the chair? I can slide over and you
can sleep in bed with me." I tell him.

"What about the doctors and nurses?" He asks.

"Who cares, it's not like I'm feeling up to doing anything. I just don't
want you to leave me. Ok?" I tell him.

"Alright, slide over." I carefully slide over and Jay climbs into bed with
me, lying in the crook of my arm with his head resting on my chest. "I
really thought I lost you there for a little while." He whispers to me.

"I'm sorry I scared you, but I'll make it up to you as soon as I can." I
promise him and fall asleep.

I wake up, the room is dark, and Jay isn't in bed. "Jay?" I ask the
darkness.

"I'll be right back; I just have to go to the bathroom." I hear him say as
if from a distance.

I awaken when Jay returns to bed and curls up next to me. I quickly fall
asleep again. The next time I wake up, the room is brightly lit from the
sunlight pouring in through the windows. Jay is sitting on the foot of my
bed talking quietly to my parents. He looks over at me and
smiles. "Afternoon sunshine!" He jokes to me. I discover it is one o'clock
in the afternoon. Crap I slept for about twenty hours, I can't believe it;
I think to myself. The four of us talk for awhile and then Jay says, "I
really should head over to the school and take a shower and change my
clothes; these are just about standing on their own." He walks up to the
head of my bed and adds, "I'll be back as soon as I can."

I grab his hand in mine and say, "Thank you for not leaving me here
alone. I really appreciate it."

"Well, you can show me how much you appreciate it by getting better and
getting your butt back to school." He jokes with me.

He starts to turn away, but I lightly pull on his hand, and say, "Come
here, you're not leaving without giving me a kiss first." Embarrassed, he
turns towards my parents and then back to me and gives me a questioning
look. "Do you really think my parents haven't ever seen me kiss another
guy? Well they have and it isn't a problem for them, come here!"

He bends over the bed and gives me a loving kiss, and whispers in my ear,
"I love you! I'll be back as soon as I can. Bye."

"Bye." I say to him. He turns says, "See y' later." to me parents and
leaves.

"So; what do you think of Jay?" I ask my parents.

"He's really nice, and I can tell, he cares a lot about you." Dad says.

Mom says, "I like him. Are you two being careful?"

"And what do you mean by that?" I ask her, knowing the answer.

"You know, are you using protection?" She asks.

"Mom, if you must know, we've only had sex once. He was a virgin, and I've
only been with Josh and him, and I know Josh never cheated on me. So, no,
we didn't use any protection." I explain to her.

"Alright, I was only looking out for you. So, you've only had sex once, how
come? You've talked about him in your emails and when we've talked on the
phone." She says to me.

I explain everything that happened, from the time of our motorcycle ride,
to what happened last Saturday night. They tell me that they know about the
fight that I had helped Dan break up, and that Dean Rogers wants to talk to
me about that as soon as I feel up to it. We decide to wait a few days to
schedule on appointment with him. And they also tell me that Chris has had
a few surgeries and may need a few more, but it looks like he's going to
make a full recovery. I'm relieved at that news. We continue talking until
Jay comes back around five or so.

The four of us talk until an orderly brings me a light dinner and my
parents head out to get something to eat. Jay runs down to the café and
brings his food back to my room. We eat and talk, not really about
anything, just having him there is enough for me.

I spend the next week in the hospital recovering from the ordeal, insisting
that Jay go back and get caught up on his classes as Thanksgiving break is
coming and don't want for him to fall even further behind. As I'm feeling
better, my parents also leave that week having to get back to work after
making Jay promise to help me get home for Thanksgiving; almost forcing him
to my house over the week long break from school. But he doesn't seem to
mind.

Finally the following Monday, the doctors release me from the hospital. I
call Jay on his cell phone and let him know I can leave, and ask him when
he can come get me.

"Well, my afternoon classes are done at two today, I should be able to be
there by three, how's that?" He asks me.

"Sounds good, but you're probably going to have to bring my car. I don't
think I can get into yours. I'm still pretty sore." I explain to him.

"Ok. But I don't know which car is yours. I've never been anywhere in it
with you, and I've only seen you riding your bike." He responds.

Embarrassed I tell him, "It's the black 2007 Ford Mustang Cobra sitting in
the lot, right in front of my dorm.  Dan should be able to let you into my
room so you can get my keys, I think they're laying on my computer desk."
Then add," You can drive a stick, right?"

"Yes, I can drive a stick. And holy shit, I've noticed that car quite a few
times and never thought it could be yours. I new you had one but that, that
car is sweet."

"Thanks now hurry your ass up and come get me."

"I'll see you in a little while. I love you." He says.

Still unable to say it to him I say, "I'll see you in a little while, bye."
And hang up.

He arrives right on time with clothes for me and helps me dress as it's
still very painful to move much. I go through the process of leaving the
hospital; getting all the medications the doctors want me to take, filling
out some forms, signing others... And finally we're heading back to school
with him driving.

He pulls into the lot, parks in my still empty spot, and gets out to help
me. As he's walking around in front of the car he stops and pulls his cell
phone from his pocket and takes a call. He talks for a minute then comes to
the passenger door and helps me out. "What was the phone call about?" I ask
him.

"You're just going to have to wait and see!" He teases me.

We walk in the front door of the dorm and down the short center hall to the
elevator. He pushes the button and the doors open, we step in and he
presses the button for the fourth floor. I feel the elevator starting its
climb and then stop on my floor. The doors open and we step out into the
hall to a thunderous applause.  Everyone is standing in front of their
rooms clapping, hooting, and hollering. As we walk down the hall to my
room, I have my hand shook, clapped on the back, welcomed back, and thanked
for what I did for Chris. It takes almost a half hour to make the short
walk to my door. I turn back down the hall and thank them all for their
kindness. I notice Gary standing there by himself, and as the guys head
back to their rooms he comes toward us.

"Zack, can I talk to you for a minute?" He asks me.

"Sure come on in. Do you want to talk in private?" I ask him.

"No, Jay can hear what I've got to say. And if you feel the way I think you
do about him. You're going to tell him anyways." He says to me.

Jay opens my door and we go inside. I gingerly sit on the edge of my bed
and Jay sits next to me, Gary just stands in the middle of the room looking
at us. After a few minutes he takes a deep breath and says, "Zack, I want
to thank you for what you did for Chris. I really believe you saved his
life. Those three assholes wouldn't have stopped until he was dead. We're
both sophomores and started our relationship last year. We've managed to
keep it from his asshole roommate until he found us together that night. He
didn't say anything at first, and seemed alright with it. I had to get back
to my room to finish up some work, and I guess he called a couple of his
buddies and went ape shit on Chris. I think when they were done with him;
they probably planned on coming after me too." He finished with tears
running down his cheeks.

"Gary, how come you never told me that you're gay?" I ask him.

"I know how Chris' roommate responds every time he hears about someone
being gay, so Chris and I just don't tell people. I'm sorry I didn't tell
you, after how open you we're with me." He replies.

"Don't worry about it. It's water under the bridge. How is Chris doing?" I
ask him.

"He's a lot better. He may still need another surgery, and they're talking
about plastic surgery to try and repair some of the damage to his face. But
he's in good spirits and can't wait to get back to school. Did you hear
that his asshole of a roommate was actually wearing steal toed work boots?"
He asks us. "They think he caused most of the damage to his face, and the
internal injuries." He adds.

"Oh my God, how the fuck can people do something like that to another human
being?" Jay asks.

"We all know that there will always be people out there that hate someone
just because they're different in their eyes. Shit, look what our ancestors
did to African Americans, and is still happening today, just because of the
color of their skin. And what Hitler did to the Jews before and during
World War Two, just because of their religion. And I guess gays, lesbians,
and bisexuals are the new thing to hate, discriminate against, and try to
eradicate from the world." I tell him.

"I know all that, but it just doesn't make any sense."  Jay says, and we
all agree with him. No, it doesn't.  Gary stays for a little while talking
and then has to go. I give him a hug and make sure that he keeps me posted
on how Chris is doing, and he leaves.

Jay and I continue to talk for a while, and then head down to the commons
to get something to eat. I still get tired easily and as I have an
appointment with Dean Rogers in the morning we head back to my room and I
call it a night. But Jay stays up working on some of his homework from the
time he missed while he was away and from the time he had spent at the
hospital with me.

The next morning I head over to the Admin Building for my appointment with
Dean Rogers. I enter the building and tell the receptionist why I'm
there. She shows me to his office and his secretary picks up the phone and
says, "Zack Miller is here to see you sir. Yes sir, I'll send him right
in." Then to me, "You can go right in." She points towards his door.

As I reach out to grasp the door handle it opens, and Dean Rogers shows me
into his office shaking my outstretched hand. "Have a seat, Zack. This
won't take to long."

Sitting, I say, "Sir, I'm not sure what I can add to the facts about the
fight. From what everyone has told me, the whole story has already been
told."

"Actually, that's not quite what I wanted to talk to you about. It does
have to do with what happened, but there is more to it than that." He
explains to me. "What I wanted to talk to you about is to see if you would
be interested in teaching an unarmed self defense class so something like
this never happens here again.  I know that won't change the mentality of
some people, but it would give some of the guys here a chance to at least
protect themselves."

"Sir, that is a great idea, but I'm not sure it would be enough. Maybe the
school could also sponsor a Gay/Straight alliance, to help support both the
gay and lesbian population of the school, as well as help others understand
what it is to be gay, give them the whole picture. And I believe that it
would also help protect the gay and lesbian students if there are more eyes
watching out for possible trouble. I support your idea, but would like the
school to do more." I tell him.

"Well Zack, you've given me some food for thought. I will check into what
you've proposed. I can't make any decision right now, I must talk with the
Board before making a final decision and I'll let you know. But, I think
that would be a great idea. And as for the class that I would want you to
teach, the school will pay any startup costs, including purchasing any
equipment that may be necessary, and give you a monetary payment each
month. I would want you, if you agree, to make arrangements to suit
yourself, not others. I don't want you getting yourself behind in school
work to do this." He says.

I say, "That wouldn't be a problem. I would however have to find someone to
help with the class; I think I know someone that would help. But I can't
answer for him; I'll talk to him and see what he says. But, it will have to
wait until I'm feeling better, maybe after the winter break?"

 "I understand, and was thinking the same thing myself." We continue
talking for a while about what we had in mind then he adds, "Zack, I've
already taken the liberty of talking to your professors and I'm giving you
the rest of the week off. You've been through hell the last two weeks, go
home and recuperate there.  You're teachers will email you your missed
assignments and their student assistants will send transcripts of class
lectures that you've missed so you can get caught up in your class work."

"That's very kind of you sir. That sounds really appealing." I reply,
feeling suddenly homesick.

He adds, "I know that Jay Ferguson spent a lot of time with you at the
hospital, and have also informed his teachers that he will be leaving early
too."

"Thank you, sir that is very kind of you. I think we'll do just that." I
say. I get up from the chair and shake his hand again and tell him that I
will check into the class over the break. We say our goodbyes and I leave
his office.

I head back out to the front of the Admin Building and find Jay standing in
the reception area with a big grin on his face and holding a duffle bag. He
Says, "I had to go back to my dorm and get a few things for my first class
and checked my messages. This is so great; we get a free week off of
class."

"Well, it's not actually free, we have to make up the assignments we're
going to miss, and you've already missed three weeks. So don't think you're
going to be spending the next two, screwing off at my house.  You're taking
your books with you and you're getting caught up in every one of your
classes." I tell him.

"Yes, 'Professor Zack' I'll be good, and get caught up." He jokes. We make
the short walk back to my dorm and head up so I can pack a bag for the two
weeks at home. "So whose car are we taking?" He asks as I finish packing.

"Mine! You have a ten year old Feirro. I've got a year old Ford Mustang,
there is no way I'm sitting in your car for a six hour drive to my house. I
wouldn't be able to walk when we got there." I explain to him.

"Alright, I only asked a question, geese." He whines to me.

"Don't, I wasn't yelling at you, I was just saying. And besides, I don't
want to be sitting along side the road when your heap breaks down." I joke
with him.

"Heap?" He asks smiling, and comes to me and pulls me into a hug and gives
me a kiss. "Are you ready?"  He asks.

"Yeah, I think so. If you would grab my backpack, I can manage the duffle
bag." I tell him. We head back down the elevator, outside to the parking
lot, and put our things into the trunk. "You can drive." I tell him,
throwing him my keys.

He gets into the driver seat as I get into the passenger side. I open the
glove box and pull out a turn by turn portable mapping GPS and program it
for the ride home. He watches me as I do this and then asks, "Are you rich
or something?"

"What do you mean by that?" I ask him embarrassed.

"Everything you have up in your room is brand new, this car, that GPS, your
motorcycle. I actually checked it out and they sell brand new for thirteen
grand. This car must have cost about twenty-eight. Are you rich or
something?"

"Jay, stop your embarrassing me." I say to him.

"Why am I embarrassing you, and why do you get so embarrassed when you talk
about the things you have or things you've accomplished?" He asks.

"Let's go, I'll explain it on the way. Ok?" He agrees and once on our way I
tell him everything about my past. "When I was three or four, my parents
and I lived in a one bedroom apartment. I can remember that my bed was in
the living room, hidden behind the couch along one wall. My parent's
bedroom was tiny; they had to have their bed pushed into one corner so
there was room at the foot of the bed for a dresser and to be able to open
the closet door. The kitchen was so small that you could not open the
fridge if the oven door was open. The bathroom was a nightmare; you
actually had to stand at or sit sideways on the toilet to use it because
the sink was in the way. And the bathtub was so old and rusted we usually
just washed up in the sink. At the time I didn't know we were poor, but I
knew we didn't have much money. I can remember times being in the store
with my Mom and getting so made at her because she wouldn't buy me a toy or
something I wanted. She would just say that we didn't have the money for
that right now.  Dad is in construction and he would get a job for awhile
then, he would get laid off, or they would finish the job and not have
another lined up. Mom works with computers, at the time she worked for a
small company as their computer administrator, but really wanted to get
back into computer programming; what she went to college for.

"Dad heard about a housing boom going on in the town where we now live, so
he borrowed the money to make the move from my grandparents. He packed
everything we owned into a small U-Haul truck and we made the three hour
trip. I remember we rented an apartment that was about twice the size of
our last place. I was in heaven, I had my own room. I didn't have to sleep
in the living room behind the couch any more. Things got better, and my
parents started giving me an allowance. I remember the first few times I
went into a store with the money and buying the first thing that caught my
eye. You know those cheap toys they sell. It was broken in about five
minutes. I got so mad at Mom because she wouldn't give me any more money to
buy a new toy. She told me that I would have to save my money if I wanted
one of the more expensive toys that wouldn't break, or that I had to learn
to respect the things I had, and not treat them badly. If they broke, she
wasn't replacing them.

"Mom designed and sold a computer program to Microsoft and the next thing I
new we were building a brand new house. Some time around then I had met
Josh and became fast friends. Dad came home one day early from work and
told Mom and me he had something to show us. At first I thought we were
going to Josh's house, because we were driving down his street, but kept
going past it a little ways and pulled into a drive way. He said, 'Welcome
home, it's done.' We moved in the next day.

"Shortly after that Mom bought me one of those coloring books that come
with paints, and I just loved it. I finished the whole book in about a
week. She bought me a few more, and I always saved the empty trays the
paints come in so I could mix the paints to make different colors and make
the pictures look more realistic. It must have been for my seventh or
eighth birthday my parents got me oil paints, paint brushes, a pallet, an
easel, and canvas. Mom checked online and found out how to stretch the
canvas over the frame and also found a hobby shop that could make the
frames in any size that I needed.

"Dad started his own company around that time and now has about fifty
employees working for him. He has even branched out into commercial and
some small industrial construction. Mom eventually sold some more programs
and then started her own computer programming company. My parents didn't
spoil me though; I had to save my money for what ever I wanted, they bought
what I needed. They did buy me nice things for my birthday and Christmas,
but I learned early on the value of a dollar. I was excited when I did get
something new and wanted to share it with friends at school and Josh. Most
of the kids thought I was showing off or bragging. But I just wanted to
show them how excited I was. It got to the point, whenever I took something
into school to show someone, somebody would end up saying things like,
'He's at it again', or "Would you quit bragging?' or something else. So I
quit telling people anything, I would wait to show Josh when he came to my
house or I went to his. He never accused me of bragging or showing off, he
knew that I was just excited about whatever it was and knew where we had
come from.

"I saved the money I earned from selling my paintings and what the
magazines had paid me when they published my photographs and bought this
car, by myself last year. My motorcycle was a combination eighteenth
birthday and graduation present. The computer, printer, laptop, and Nikon
camera, my parents bought for me when they found out I got a full ride
scholarship to Harvard. They couldn't believe it and neither could I; at
eighteen I have my whole life in front of me and they wanted to give me a
fighting chance to do what I'd loved doing for most of my life.

"That's why I get embarrassed talking about what I've accomplished or the
things I have. I'm always worried the other person thinks I'm bragging or
showing off. I'm not!" I finish.

"Well, you don't have to worry about that with me. I think I know you good
enough to be able to tell when you're bragging, even though I highly doubt
you'll ever do it."

We chat for the rest of the drive home, watching the scenery fly by. We
finally get to my house and my parents aren't home from work yet. We grab
our bags from the trunk of my car and I unlock and open the front
door. We're greeted by the beeping of the alarm system; I enter my code and
turn the system off.  We step into the entry way of the open floor planned
house. From here you can see the living room with its cathedral ceiling on
the left, the grand mahogany staircase directly in front of us and the huge
kitchen/dinning room on the right. I show Jay up to my room so we can drop
our bags off and show him around the rest of the house.

"I'm starving, before I left for school it was my job to have dinner ready
for my parents when they got home from work around six thirty. What do you
want to eat?" I tell him.

"I don't care; what ever." He responds.

"What do you want?" I ask him again.

"Alright, if you're going to be like that, I love seafood. But, we couldn't
afford it very often; we used to go to Red Lobster twice a year when I was
a kid." He tells me.

"Ok, seafood it is. Come on we have to go to the store." I say. We head
back out to my car and I tell him how to get to a small shop that sells
seafood. We get live lobsters, crab legs, shrimp, and cocktail sauce.  And
head back to the house. As it is almost time for my parents to get home; I
put on a large pot of water to boil. I wash the shrimp and place them into
a collapsible wire basket that fits into the pot. Once the water is boiling
I hang the basket on the pot and fill a large bowl with ice cold water. The
shrimp are done in minutes and I place the basket into the ice water to
cool the shrimp. I cook the crab legs and wait for my parents to get home
to do the lobsters.

At six thirty I hear Mom walk in the front door and say, "Zack, what are
you two doing here? You're not supposed to be home until this weekend."

I explain to her that Dean Rogers gave us the week off so I can recoup at
home, and thought that we would surprise you by coming early. Dad arrives a
few minutes later and I cook the lobster and we eat.  We sit at the kitchen
table talking until about ten when my parents head off to bed.

"Jay, I'm glad you came home with me. I know my parents like you. There is
something that I have to do tomorrow and I want you there for moral
support. Ok?" I ask him.

"Of course, what is it?" He asks me.

"I've got to go 'talk' to Josh." I tell him.

"I understand, it's been a long day and I'm tired. Let's go to bed." We
head up to my bedroom, strip naked, and crawl into bed together and hold
each other. Jay falls asleep in about five minutes; I'm out in about my
usual half hour.

I wake up the next morning and get up quietly as to not wake Jay, dress,
and head down to the kitchen and find Mom there drinking a cup of coffee
and eating some toast. I grab a glass and pour myself some milk and find a
yogurt and an orange in the fridge. I sit down with her and she asks, "So,
what do you two have planned for the day?"

"I have to go 'see' Josh, there's something I have to 'tell' him." I
respond, almost mournfully.

"I figured you would." She replies, and then adds, "Well, I better get
going or I'm going to be late for work."

"Mom, how can the boss be late for work?" I ask her jokingly.

"If I can't get to work on time, how can I expect my employees to be there
on time?" She smiles at me, gives me a kiss on the cheek and says, "I love
you, and don't beat yourself up to bad today. I know this won't be easy for
you. Are you going to take Jay with you?"

"Yeah, I asked him last night to go with me. I didn't tell him what today
is though." I respond.

"Ok, I'll see you tonight. And Zack, I really miss your Lasagna could you
stop at the store and get everything to make it for dinner tonight?"

"Sure, I'd love to make it for you; I know how much you love it. I'll see
you later Mom, I love you. Bye."

"Bye." She says and walks to the door and heads out for work.

I call a local flower shop and order a flower arrangement for Josh's
grave. Then head upstairs to wake sleeping beauty. When I enter my room he
is lying in bed awake. I ask him, "What do you want for breakfast? I
thought you could eat and then we could go over to the cemetery."

"What ever, I don't care; I'm not really all that hungry after last night."
He responds.

We head down stairs and he has a cup of coffee and I make him a couple
pieces of toast with jelly. We go over to the flower shop and a get the
flowers and we head over to the cemetery. We park in the driveway and walk
the short distance to Josh's grave.

Jay looks at the monument and then looks at me and asks, "How come you
didn't tell me today would have been his birthday?"

"I just couldn't say it out loud; I'm sorry." I reply as I set the flowers
next to his tomb stone. He comes and stands behind me and puts his hand on
my shoulder for support.

"Josh, I've brought somebody with me I want you to meet. His name is Jay
Ferguson, and I think; he maybe the one." I pause; now crying and feel
Jay's grip tighten slightly on my shoulder. "Why did you have to do what
you did? I hate you for doing that." I pause, thinking. "No! I'm sorry I
don't hate you, I hate what you did. The way you left me, not giving me a
chance to say goodbye. Why did you have to take the easy way out? I know it
probably wasn't easy to do what you did, but God, it was the easy way.
Living is hard, compared to living, taking your own life is easy. You
chickened out on me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you for
what you did. No! That's not true, I do forgive you. I just don't
understand why you thought that was your only option. We could have figured
something out together."  I'm now almost hysterical, and Jay moves closer
and holds me, not saying anything, just being there for me. The pain and
sorrow I'm feeling are as if Josh had just died; like it happened
yesterday, not six months ago. I feel my knees begin to give out and Jay
slowly lowers me to the ground, holding me.

He continues holding me as I cry uncontrollably for about ten minutes,
never saying a word. The emotions subside a little and I can
continue. "Josh, I can't continue like this, I've been carrying a torch for
you since the day you died. The flame is burning itself out, my arms are
getting tired. I have found someone to love and I have to let you go. I
can't keep doing this to myself or Jay any longer. I want to have with him
what we had. And the only way I can do that is to let you go, Rest in
Peace, and Happy Birthday. Goodbye Josh."

I can finally stand and I turn to Jay, looking into his eyes. It's like I
can see directly into his soul. I'm not seeing him, it's like I can see the
person inside of him, who he is, not what he looks like. The pain I feel
towards Josh is overwhelming, but as I stand there looking into Jay's eyes,
it dissipates, leaving a gaping hole in my heart that is filled and
repaired by the love I know he feels for me, and the love I feel for him.
"Jay, I love you. Thank you for being here for me today." I hug him as
tears stream down his face.

"I love you too, Zack." He says pulling me closer to him and holding me. We
stand there holding each other, both of us crying, not saying
anything. Just looking into each others eyes; trying to memorize the soul
of the other.

After a few minutes the emotions subside and we slowly turn to head back to
my car when I notice Josh's parents standing a little ways away from us,
giving us some privacy. We walk over to them and I hug them both. "Tim,
Lisa, I would like you to meet Jay Ferguson, my boyfriend." I say to
them. They each shake Jay's hand and say how nice it is to meet him.

Lisa says to me, "I'm glad you've found someone Zack. I know how hard these
last months have been on you. It's nice knowing that you're starting to
move on."

"Yeah, that's been really hard. I think now; I can say that I can move on
with my life." I reply to her. "Hey, I've got an idea, why don't you two
join us for Thanksgiving dinner?"

"Well, I don't know, I wouldn't want to impose." Lisa says.

"Come on. You won't be imposing, besides I know you two don't have any
family close by. Why sit at home by yourselves, when you can be spending it
with family?" I say to them. They turn and look at each other then agree to
come.

"Good, we'll be eating around one thirty, and then around six we can have
leftovers and sandwiches for dinner. How's that sound?" I ask them.

"Sounds good," they both reply at once, and then Tim adds "see you then. We
better let you guys go. We need to spend a little time with Josh."

We say our goodbyes, and Jay and I head to the store to pick up the things
I need for dinner tonight.  Once home I put everything away and we both
start working on the school work that we had missed.  Later, I make dinner
and eat when my parents get home from work. After dinner, Dad heads back to
his office to do some paperwork, and Jay heads back up stairs to work on
his school work as Mom and I clean up.

Mom asks how it went at the cemetery and I tell her what happened, how I
had felt, the emotions being so raw and fresh, and then looking into Jays
eyes, feeling the pain leave and then replaced with Jay's love for me and
mine for him. I also try to explain what it felt like looking into his
eyes, how it felt like I was seeing his soul. And I tell her that I told
Jay I love him. Explained how we had run into Tim and Lisa there and I
invited them to Thanksgiving dinner.

Mom doesn't interrupt me the whole time I'm talking, but when I'm done she
says, "Well, I'm not a psychologist or anything, but it sounds to me that
you've had a breakthrough in your grief for Josh."

"Yeah, I think so, too." I tell her. We finish up the dishes and I head up
to my room to do some more home work.

I enter my room and find Jay sitting at my computer working. "Jay, can we
talk?" I ask him.

"Of course, what's the matter?" He asks me.

"To day at the cemetery, after I said what I had to say to Josh. When I
turned to you and looked into your eyes, it was like looking into your
soul. I could see you for who you are, not what you look like. I know your
not studying to become a psychologist, but have you heard of anything like
that happening before?"

"Zach, what happened to you today in the cemetery was just the reaction to
letting out the pent up emotions you've been carrying around for six
months. As for why it seemed to you that you could see into my soul, I have
no idea. It may have just been the release of the emotions, I don't
know. Or maybe you wouldn't let yourself see me for who I am until you had
a chance to finally let Josh go once and for all.  What ever caused the
reaction you described, I'm glad it finally happened. I was beginning to
wonder if you were ever going to able to tell me how you felt about me." He
replies.

"Jay, I've known sense I woke up in the hospital and saw you sitting there
asleep in that chair waiting for me to wake up that I love you. I just
couldn't bring myself to say it. It felt like I would be cheating on Josh
if I said it out loud. But, after what happened in the cemetery today, I
know that was just the emotions I was carrying around with me. Once, I got
it out, I realized I could say it to you. I love you, Jay."

He gets up from the chair and comes to me, hugs me, and says, "I love you
too, Zack." I feel physically drained from the day and decide to go to bed
early. I go tell my parents goodnight and head back to my room. I strip and
climb into bed naked. I lie in bed and say to Jay, "Come to bed with me."

He finishes what he's doing on the computer, stands and strips. He looks so
different to me; I almost think that he's not the same guy. I look him over
from head to toe. His blonde wavy shoulder length hair, his almost non
existent eyebrows very lightly over each eye, his piercing blue eyes look
even bluer now than they had before, his Roman nose and chiseled square
jaw. I continue down his neck to his broad shoulders, his very muscular
arms, not body builder arms, but he definitely knows his way around a wait
room. I can see his well defined pecks; his nipples perfectly centered at
the bottom, his washboard abs and the deep indentations that angle towards
his crotch. His soft cut cock hangs down from his short pubic hair about
eight inches and it's about three inches thick. Its head is a little bigger
around then the shaft and slightly pinker in color. His, small lemon sized,
balls hang down behind his cock about four inches; they're so heavy the
skin of his scrotum is stretched tightly away from his groin. He has very
powerful looking thighs and calves; he turns to pick up his clothes and
shows me his backside. His back is very muscular, from his broad shoulders
down to his slender waist. His ass is concaved on both sides by the muscles
hidden underneath from all the years of running up and down the football
field, during countless practices and games. The only way I can describe
his body to myself is that Michelangelo carved his perfect form from
marble, exaggerating the muscle groups making them more pronounced then
normal, and then God blew life into it. He has the perfect Adonis body, not
to big not to small, just perfect in every way. Even his skin doesn't seem
to show the slightest flaw or hint of a scar; his summer tan has faded and
everything is exactly the same color except for his huge cock that is much
darker than the rest of his flawless skin.

He finally lies in bed and I roll over to him and give him a kiss, then I
climb on top of him, straddling his waist, kneeling on the bed, and lower
my ass down over his cock. We continue kissing, my balls running along his
cock as I slowly slide up and down his hardening cock. I lightly suck on
his neck and shoulder and reach down and message his growing cock. After a
few minutes he is rock hard and leaking pre-cum.  I lift my ass up and
shift his cock into position lining it up with my hole. I sit pack a little
and feel his dick slowly enter my awaiting ass. I carefully lower myself
down his cock as it fills me to the brink. I'm finally sitting on his hips
and his whole cock is in my ass; I settle into him as I stretch to his
massive size. "Oh my God, I've never felt this full before. Your cock feels
so good in my ass." I whisper in his ear. I slowly start riding his huge
cock, sitting up to try and get even more of it into me.

He places his hands on my hips, and gently lifts me up and then lets me
slide back down the full length of his cock. He continues lifting me and
letting me impale myself on his huge member. After a while, I climb off,
and switch places with him. I lift my legs as he positions himself on top
of me and rap them around his beautiful body as he slides back into me. I
feel his balls hit my ass as he drives his twelve in cock into me.  "Oh
God, you feel so good!" I moan. As he fucks me I reach down and message my
cock and aching balls. The whole time I never take my eyes from his, I love
looking into those blue eyes. He gradually picks up the pace and is sending
me into ecstasy, fucks me harder with each thrust into my ass. I feel his
cock thicken and it seems to grow even longer. His eyes roll up into his
head and he lets out a long low moan; gasps and holds his breath. I feel
the warmth of his cum as he shots inside of me. He continues to fuck me and
fill my insides with his love juice; I can feel it leaking from my over
stretched hole every time he slides out and then back in filling me with
more. After what seems like he's shot gallons of cum into me; he finally
collapses on top of me; out of breath. He lies there lost in his orgasm,
breathing heavily.

He finally recovers and gives me a kiss, withdraws his slowly shrinking
dick from my hole and slides down my naked body. He kneels between my legs
and takes my cock in his hand, and licks my pre-cum off the head. He sucks
as much of my cock as he can into his mouth, then using his hand he starts
jacking me off, the whole time sucking on the top half of my cock. It
doesn't take long for me to cum after the fucking he just gave me. He tries
to drink all I shoot into his mouth but can't, my cum runs out of his mouth
and down my spurting cock. He milks my dick and licks around the base to
try a clean up what he had let run down my cock until I can't stand it any
longer and have to pull away from him. He then returns to lie next to me.

We kiss, and I tell him, "I love you. Are you sure you've never done that
before? That was totally awesome!"

"I love you, too. And no, that was my first time." He replies sleepily.

We lie in each others arms and fall asleep.



Comments always welcome at kk.LoneWolf.37@gmail.com