Date: Fri, 3 May 2002 23:41:35 +0100 (BST)
From: "[iso-8859-1] baz" <bazxl@yahoo.com>
Subject: Going Straight; Staying Clean

Going Straight; Staying Clean

Escape

Looking back over my 21 years of life no one could say that it was anything
less than a disaster.  Even my birth had been difficult and I think that my
parents never forgave the suffering I put them through.  I had a strict
Christian upbringing where discipline and moral rectitude were paramount.
I was an only child and I am not surprised because I am sure that my
parents were so appalled by the evils of sex that they were unable to bring
themselves to have intercourse more than once.  From my earliest days I
knew that sex was dirty and to be avoided.

The beating after my first wet dream was imprinted on my brain.  I did not
understand what I had done wrong or why I was being punished but I knew I
was a dirty pervert.  Every involuntary ejaculation was punished and guilt
was deeply embedded into every evil thought and each erection was certain
damnation.

Finally, at 18 I had broken free.  The message had got through to me that
there was a life outside and I was not living it.  As so often happens with
a rebellion, things went to the other extreme.  I left home and moved to
the city.  This was more an escape than a simple leaving.  I had it all
planned and my parents suspected nothing.  I was away and out of their
clutches before they knew and could stop me.

I was naive and had no idea of the realities of life.  Maybe my parents
had perverted my childhood but they had also protected me from the dangers
and pitfalls of existence.  Secretly I had managed to save a little money
and had rented a room but I had no job and little chance of finding one.

I soon got in with a bad crowd and they introduced me to drink.  When I
drank, I felt so free and relaxed something all but unknown to me at home.
All too soon I added so-called 'recreational drugs' to my evening
entertainment schedule; it all seemed so innocent and pleasant to me.  The
more I drank and used the more I got into debt and the more I needed the
oblivion that pharmaceuticals could provide.

Soon I had a habit as big as all out doors and was stealing to feed it.
Despite being high most of the time, I could not break free of my sexual
conditioning.  At 21, I was still a virgin.  I could not even bring myself
to masturbate; the years of conditioning were so deep.

Eventually, the inevitable happened and I was arrested.  Strangely, I was
not apprehended while stealing vodka; I was just passed out in a public
place after a drug-induced frenzy.  Causing a public nuisance got me a
night in the cells but much more too.  It was the best thing that ever
happened to me.

Because I was unconscious when arrested, a doctor had to be called to
examine me.  By the time the medic arrived I was conscience and reasonably
articulate.  Doctor Mathews was the first person to show me any real human
kindness.  He asked me a few questions about my life and my upbringing.  He
did a quick physical examination and paid particular attention to my arms,
checking for needle marks.  He found none; things had not gone that far -
yet.  He made detailed notes of what drugs I used and touched on my sexual
history.  Although I said very little he seemed to get the picture very
quickly.

He pronounced me fit for detention and told me that I would be held in the
cells overnight and released in the morning but expected to return either
to receive an official caution or for a court appearance.  He also offered
me another lifeline.  He worked for a charity that ran a drug
rehabilitation centre.  If I were to volunteer to submit to the rehab
program, the police would take a sympathetic view of my case and I would be
released into his custody.  I had reached a new low point in my life, if I
thought I was bad off with my parents I now realised I had just exchanged
one prison for another.  The Doctor offered me a chance and I would take
it.

Rehabilitation

The arrangements were made and Doctor Matthews took me immediately to the
hostel.  We left the city and travelled a while into the surrounding
countryside.  Turning down a side road, we were plunged into complete
darkness cut only by the sharp beams of the car headlamps.  We arrived at
large iron gates fixed into a high stonewall.  They opened as we
approached, perhaps electronically operated, I could not tell.  We drove up
a long drive finally arriving at the front of a huge stately manor house.
We got out of the car and approached the covered doorway.  Without
knocking, the door opened allowing light to flood out into the darkness of
night.

A young man, about the same age as me, stood framed in the doorway.  As my
eyes got used to the bright light I could see he wore a short white jacket
with a badge on the pocket.  I quickly read 'Staff Nurse Darren Jackson'.
His dark hair was gelled and spiky and he had a warm and friendly face.
The Doctor introduced me to Darren and left him to take me to my room.

I was stunned at the whole place; it was more like a luxury hotel than the
hostel I had expected.  I was taken to a large bed sitting room, basic but
lacking nothing.  Darren told me to make myself at home and he would be
back shortly.  The bed was made up as if I was expected, but the cupboards
and drawers were empty.  I looked around and found a bathroom and toilet
leading off my room.  All I owned were the clothes I stood up in and they
were little more than rags.  Had I fallen on my feet or merely jumped out
of the frying pan into the fire?

There was a light tap on the door and it opened, Darren entered with a
small white tray.  He said that Doctor Matthews had made his initial
recommendations for my treatment and it would begin immediately.  There
were a number of tablets to take to help me on the road to rehabilitation.
I swallowed each under the watchful eye of Staff Nurse Darren.  Darren said
that he was aware of my 'circumstances' and that I should remove all my
clothes now and go to bed.  In the morning, I would be provided with some
temporary clothing and eventually my own set of basic but serviceable
garments.

Darren waited; evidently, I was expected to strip in front of him.  I
removed each 'rag' and handed it to him.  I stood naked and self-conscience
before him.  He looked me up and down and I shuddered at my immodesty, my
hands covered my genitals.  The nurse suggested that I might like to shower
before bed; it was more an order than a suggestion.  I do not know if it
was his voice or the medication but I was feeling more relaxed and somehow
compliant.  I went to the bathroom as instructed and found that the shower
was a large, open tiled area, the whole floor area draining into the
centre.  I stood under the jet and adjusted it to a soft warm rain.  I
soaped and washed and somehow I felt like I was washing away the past
leaving me clean for my new future.

I left my penis and arse until last, as always I hesitated even to touch
myself there.  As I soaped my shaft and pulled my foreskin back I became
fully aware that Nurse Darren was watching me.  I blushed deep crimson and
quickly rinsed my genitals turning away from his gaze.  I used the huge
fluffy white towels to dry myself before going back to the bedroom.
Although I still felt the need, I did not try to cover myself.  As it
happened the room was empty, Darren was gone.  I slid in-between the crisp
white cotton sheets and sank into a deep sleep.

I must have slept deeply as I had the most vivid dream.  I lay naked on the
bed; my cock was hard and throbbing.  My foreskin is long and usually
covers my glans even when erect but in my dream it was fully retracted.  My
moist glans exposed to the cool air, but worse, I was totally exposed.  I
felt my naked immodesty was wrong but somehow less so than I would have in
the past.  My feelings of guilt were being quashed by intense sexual
stimulation.  I was very aroused and close to cumming.  I felt pre-cum
oozing from my piss slit.  Standing on one side of the bed was Nurse Darren
and on the other, Doctor Mathews.  Both were naked and stroking their large
hard cocks.  They looked at me and at each other as they stroked harder and
faster.  They both had beautiful well-defined bodies covered in a light
sheen of sweat.  Both were smooth having no body hair what so ever.  Their
cocks were a matched pair, both eight inches of thick uncut man meat
standing proud from their hairless groin.

Never in my wildest wet dreams had I been so excited and felt so involved
in the action of the dream.  With a grunt both men pumped out jet after jet
of spunk all landing on me lying between them.  The musky smell of cum
filled my head and my cock throbbed and jerked as their hot jizz dripped
down my shaft and onto my balls.  Without any further stimulation, I felt
my balls tighten and my load pumped from my pink piss hole lips, opened
wide by the force.  The feeling of release was tremendous and my man juice
shot into the air then fell back onto me, mixing with the sticky loads
already pumped out onto me.  It was the best orgasm of my life and for the
first time I enjoyed it without guilt.  The dream faded and the rest of the
night passed without event.

A new day

Sun light filled my room and I gently awoke.  The surroundings were strange
to me and my memory of yesterday was hazy but I knew I was in some sort of
rehabilitation clinic.  I was hot and sweaty and threw back the bedclothes;
the smell of cum was heavy in the air and my body still sticky with my
nocturnal emission.  It was such a vivid dream and I have never shot such a
huge load before.  As usual, my cock was painfully hard, as I needed to
piss.  For a second I considered wanking off but I quickly put it out of my
head, it was wicked!  I went into the bathroom and showered, removing all
traces of my sinful dream.

When I came out of the bathroom, Darren was waiting for me.  I felt no
shame at my nakedness; it did not enter my head to hide myself from him.
Laid out on the bed were some clothes.  He told me to put them on.
Firstly, there was a jock strap, clearly not new but clean and white.  I
looked enquiringly at Darren; he said that physical activities were a large
part of the program and that all patients dressed accordingly.  There was a
white vest and trainers to match.  I slipped on the jock and it fitted
perfectly, the pouch hugged my cock and balls giving noticeable support.
In fact, my equipment was rounded up and pointed out; my cock and balls
outlined by the cotton material.  Again, I looked questioningly at Darren
but he just nodded approvingly.  I was very conscience that even with the
vest on my arse was 'on show' and exposed, the two white elastic straps
framing my arse crack rather than covering it.  I asked if there were
shorts or joggers but the Nurse assured me that the jock and vest were
standard uniform at the rehabilitation centre.

It was time for my first communal meal, I would meet the other patients and
they would see me.  Nurse Darren led me into the large refectory and I
found six guys seated around one oblong oak table; all my age and dressed
exactly as me.  I blushed as they all turned to look at me, I was very
exposed and the strap did nothing to cover my modesty.  Darren introduced
me to the guys, they seemed friendly, and we proceeded to tuck into a very
substantial breakfast.  There was much friendly banter and I felt included
even though I could contribute little being the 'new boy'.  By the end of
the meal, I felt more 'at home' and as all the guys were dressed the same,
my embarrassment was lessened.

After the meal, Doctor Mathews appeared with a clipboard and gave out the
day's program.  The morning would mainly be taken up with physical exercise
according to individual fitness training programs worked out for each guy.
The afternoon was taken up with therapy and medical treatments; again each
guy having his own tailored program.  Evenings were free for social
interaction and entertainment.  Because I was new, my first day was
assessment and orientation.

I met Nurse Darren in the gym.  I was surprised to see that he had changed
and was now dressed the same as me; I felt more relaxed and less
self-conscience now his formal nurse's uniform was gone.  As well as being
the senor nurse at the centre, he was a qualified personal trainer and was
to assess my physical condition and work out a plan for my development to
complement my rehabilitation.  I peddled the bike until I thought my heart
would burst.  After a brief rest, I rowed the machine until my arms and
legs ached.  Again, I rested then Darren spotted for me, adding weights
until he gauged my limit.  Lying on my back straining I realised the
closeness of Darren's jock pouch.  I could see the outline of his dick and
smell his manly aroma.  Fresh masculine sweat mixed with the unmistakable
musk of uncut cock.  I wondered why this should pass through my mind but I
was too taken up with the weights to let it bother me.  Darren monitored my
heart rate after each set of exercises and then again, after each rest
period, all was noted onto my chart.

After Darren had made his assessment, we went to the locker room to wash
off the sweat before lunch.  We were naked in a flash, peeling off our damp
jock and vest.  For the first time I saw Darren naked, I did a double take;
he was exactly the same as I remembered from my wet dream.  Sure, his cock
was not hard, the foreskin just covering the defined glans but in every
other respect he was the same.  His body was totally free of body hair just
as in my dream.  Side by side, we walked into the white tiled communal
shower.  As we showered, my eyes kept looking at his perfect body; the
water sprayed and dripped from his smooth skin.  I became aroused and felt
blood filling my cock; deeply embarrassed by my reaction I rushed out of
the shower, dried off and went to lunch.

Along with lunch, most of the guys, including me, had medication.  If the
others were like me, the craving was strong and I consumed the drugs with
relish.  Almost immediately I felt better, I did not know what the tablets
were but it was what I needed.  I felt good again and ready to face the
afternoon.

Therapy

Doctor Mathews sat behind a large old-fashioned writing desk.  His office
was not that of a doctor but looked like an old library.  From floor to
ceiling were shelves of dusty old books.  I sat on the chair by his desk
and he moved his chair around to sit next to me.  He explained that
initially my therapy would be with him alone but later there would be group
sessions with the other guys.  He began asking me about my life in great
detail and made many notes.  I have never talked so much in all my life and
every personal detail poured out unrestrained.  His questions subtly turned
to sexual matters and I found that I was able to tell him things that I had
tried not even to think about in the past.  Hours passed and eventually the
Doctor suggested that I would benefit from hypnotherapy.  I readily agreed
and placed myself completely in his hands.

I must have been a good subject as Doctor Mathews began to speak softly to
me, telling me to relax and concentrate on his voice.  Over and over again
he chanted the subtle instructions and that was all I remembered until he
snapped me out of it.

Nearly an hour had passed but it felt like a second to me.  I felt
refreshed and invigorated, as if a weight had been lifted from me.  I left
the office with a new spring in my step and a new out look on life.  I was
looking forward to a social evening with the guys.

Evening Association

I arrived in the common room just in time for another round of medication.
We all popped our pills and swilled them down with a glass of juice.  I so
wanted to chat with the guys and get to know them better but I suddenly
felt very weary.  It had been a very busy day, training all morning and
therapy all afternoon; I was still in the grips of addiction too.  I knew I
just had to go to bed; there was nothing else for it.  I made my excuses
and left for my room.  All the way to my room I felt my eyes wanting to
close and my arms and legs feeling heavy and difficult to move.  I got to
my room and slipped off my trainers, I struggled to remove the vest but the
jock fell to the floor once I pulled the broad elastic waistband over my
hips.  I fell onto the bed and as soon as my head touched the pillow I was
asleep.

I don't know how long I slept before the dream started; again, like the
night before, it was so real.  Although I felt dreamy, everything was so
real.

As I came into the dream I opened my eyes to find myself in the common
room.  All the guys were there including Nurse Darren, they were all naked.
I myself was nude and laying in the centre of the floor.  Although I knew
that I could move if I wanted to I just did not want to move.  I tilted my
head back and saw the smooth body of Doctor Mathews coming towards me.  He
knelt down by my head and leaned in close.  He began whispering in my ear,
those same words that I had heard that very afternoon.  Again, I could hear
them but they seemed to go directly into my brain without me understanding
what he was saying.  I understood that what was going to happen was good
and not to be resisted.  I would feel only pleasure and release, pleasure
and release, pleasure and release.

I felt my ankles being gripped and I looked down.  Two guys knelt either
side of me and had taken hold of my legs, lifting them up and holding them
apart.  Pillows were placed under my lower back to raise my arse exposing
my hole for all to see.  My cock was not just hard; it was rock solid and
throbbing sending near orgasmic sensations to my brain.  I looked from man
to man, each muscled body smooth and hairless, each with a massive hard
cock.

Darren appeared, framed between my raised legs.  His angelic face dipped
down and I felt a warm wet feeling on my hole.  He licked my arse and
pressed into my tight cherry hole with his tongue.  Repeatedly he pressed
against me until I relaxed and then he tongue fucked me.  I squirmed and
moaned in pleasure as the rimming continued but the guys held me firm.
Then I was empty.

For a moment I felt only the cold air on my spit-lubed hole then it was
replaced by something bigger and harder than a tongue.  I could see Darren
between my legs and I knew that his cock that was entering me.  Although he
was big and I was a virgin my arse opened to the insistent pressure, my
brain was telling me that it was the right thing to do.  Slowly he pushed
into me, sliding his full 8 inches into my virgin fuck cute.  I should have
been in pain but I felt nothing but pleasure, from the moment his glans
passed my ring every move he made sent new waves of ecstatic pleasure
through my body.

I felt his weighty balls slap against me and I knew I had taken his full
length, his smooth skin touching my arse cheeks.  He rested for a moment
and I savoured the feeling of being stretched wide open, I tingled.  No
modesty entered my head, no hesitation at the giving or receiving of sexual
gratification, only pleasure and release.

Darren began to fuck me, slowly at first then faster.  Each and every
stroke brought me a mini orgasm.  How I had not shot my load I did not know
because I seemed to be having one long climax.  Pre-cum poured from my cock
like a tap but something held me back from full orgasm.  Darren gasped and
I felt him grow larger inside my tight hole.  Hot cum flooded into me and I
felt it anointing my cherry, hot yet soothing.  Some seeped back along
Darren's cock and dripped down my arse feeling wet and sticky as it did.
Finally, he finished shooting and slowly withdrew his still rigid organ
from my newly deflowered man pussy.  Without hesitation, his position was
taken by one of the other guys.  I noticed his cock was larger, a huge
organ and a body to match.  He was tightly cut and the veins stood out
purple and pulsing on his shaft.  The bell end was dark and swollen, the
piss lips parted slightly, ready to shoot.  My battered hole was loose and
open, Darren's cum acting as lube for the massive glans.  Gladly I took the
new cock inside me and as his cock head rubbed my prostate with each pass I
was taken to new heights of pleasure.

One by one, each of the guys took turns to fuck me.  Cock after cock
thrusting into gaping arse-hole.  Load after load of spunk was pumped into
me until it ran like a river out of me and onto the floor below.  Finally,
Doctor Mathews took up position; his was the hardest cock yet.  He entered
me quickly and in one thrust.  Even though I had been repeatedly fucked I
felt every movement he made.  He found places inside me none of the other
guys had reached.  His very presence inside me was delight, every thrust an
orgasm; yet still I had not cum.

Doctor Mathews stopped thrusting with his cock deep inside me, he throbbed
and pumped out jet after jet of creamy jizz.  As his orgasm began, he spoke
one word 'CUM' and as if by magic, a dam burst within me.  A deep grunt
escaped my throat as I shot; the first spurt went well over my head as did
the second, the third and forth landing on my face and I lost count how
many landed on my chest.  I did not believe my balls held so much cum.
Even after I had stopped shooting, my cock throbbed and dry pumped as my
ecstasy continued.

I felt the dream ending or maybe the orgasm was so intense that I was
passing out, either way the room began to spin and I drifted back into deep
sleep.

Once again, the morning sun streaming in through my bedroom window caused
me to wake up.  I felt good; better than I had felt in years, for the first
time in my life I was looking forward to a brand new day and a brand new
life.  I vaguely remembered the dream and it was pleasing to me to think of
it.  My morning erection was tenting the sheet that covered me and
immediately I wanted to jerk off.  No hesitation about touching myself, no
feeling of guilt, I just wanted to cum and cum hard.  I moved in the bed,
opening my legs to give me better access; it was then that I noticed I was
lying on a damp spot.  I pulled off the sheet and got out of bed.  The
movement caused me to notice the ache in my arse, not pain but an
uncomfortable feeling, really almost a pleasant irritation.  I reached
around to see if I could feel anything.  I pulled my cheeks apart and
pressed my finger into my bruised hole.  It slipped in easily, cum oozed
out, and dribbled down my legs.  My finger found my prostate and stroked
it, every touch magnified in my throbbing cock.  My other hand gripped my
shaft and moved fast.  Pre-cum was already leaking from my piss slit and
made a squelching sound as my foreskin moved relentlessly back and forth.
The smell and sensation of sex filled my mind and my body as I ejaculated.
Rope after rope of my sperm pumped out across the room to my great delight
and satisfaction.

The Lesser of Two Evils

I knew what Doctor Mathews had done to me and for me.  Over the weeks and
months I was at the rehabilitation centre, he weaned me off drugs and I was
clean and stayed that way.  There was a price to pay; I was no longer
addicted to drugs but I was addicted to sex.  By myself with a dildo, with
a man, fucking and sucking, with a football team gang fucking me I did not
care as long as it was sex.

Doctor Mathews did me and all the other guys that passed through his centre
a huge favour and we are eternally grateful to him.  Heroin, cocaine,
ecstasy - forget it!  There is no high as good or as lasting as a mouth and
arse full of hot gooey man jizz.

The End

Comments welcome bazxl@yahoo.com