Date: Tue, 15 Jul 2003 19:07:43 +0800
From: Reggie Tangan <reggietangan@edsamail.com.ph>
Subject: JOY 10

Here's the latest chapter of J O Y

"Top or Bottom"
this will be the end of the first book of J O Y. Watch out for the second
book with more characters, new situations, new encounters, new break-ups,
and it all ends now at BED.

Let The Joy Rise!

for reactions, critiques please send me an email
at reggietangan@edsamail.com.ph
or visit my website at http://www.reggietangan.cjb.net/joy


J O Y
by Reggie Tangan

Disclaimer:  all of the characters portrayed here are used fictitiously,
and used for entertainment purposes. Any resemblance to the characters
and situations are purely coincidental.

This story is for adults only; if you don't like sexual themes,
please leave immediately.

for reactions, critiques please send me an email
at reggietangan@edsamail.com.ph
or visit my website at http://www.reggietangan.cjb.net/joy

************************************

"Top or Bottom"

"If this happened five years ago, someone would have fired me from my
previous work," Tonj says, "But I quit just for Peter. I've changed.
It's the new me, especially when I met you, Jethro. If someone can't
deal with my sexuality and my son, fuck 'em."

"Guess what?" I say. "My friend Chris Basco called and wants to meet
you." As we all know Tonj has finally admitted to the guys that he has
a five-year-old son, Peter. With that on the open I realized that I
would be involved with this kind of predicament when my single life
and not-so carefree life became a sudden mission to become a parent.

Does that sound exciting? Maybe, maybe not, but who knows?

"I got us reservations at this new restaurant in Greenbelt 2!" Travis
almost shouted but not trying to get anyone's attention. With all new
connections with the culinary network of friends as well as pumping
down information to the hottest places other than Malate, Travis was
always on the prowl to make our lives either on the pinnacle of the
social ladder or even the sake of enjoying exquisite life on the fast
lane even though both Alex and I couldn't afford it.

"No catch, we all deserve something," he added, that added a point to
his thought.

Might as well enjoy it.

But sometimes, Alex, who was always a bit thrifty and not that flaunty
like Travis, but he sure knows how to make something out of nothing.
Remember that he works out at Gold's Gym, he got his whole-year gym-
all-you-can membership because he knows someone there, actually, he
dated one of the head honchos and even though the head honcho didn't
last long before Alex had chance to 'pump' him, he told Alex to keep
the membership and five more years to that.

I just noticed Alex was mumbling something while munching our lunches
in Greenbelt 3's oh-so-fabulous Food Choices. I didn't want to talk
about it, but at some point I was concerned.

When Alex mumbles, there's something wrong, it's either one of us
or something else.

"Alex, what's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing," he said, though I noticed he was playing with his Jambalaya
rice instead of devouring it as usual. "Nothing, really."
"Come on, there's something on your mind." Travis seemed to beg.
"Please." I begged as well.

Alex didn't want to, but I guess in due time he will tell.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

"I want to be the bottom guy!"
"What!?" Both Travis and I almost laughed when we heard it all from
dear Alex's mouth. Then utter silence.

"You're telling me you miss being..."
"Fucked?" Travis bolted in.
"Are you sure I'm hearing this right, you want to be..."
"Fucked!" Alex finally said. "I guess screwing Ken was enough but I do
want to be sometimes on the receiving end, if you know what I mean."
"We do, sweetie, but hearing this from you is very surprising." I said.

Totally surprising.

We didn't care the people who were looking at us amidst lunchtime in
Greenbelt 3's Food Choices, though Alex's situation was both funny and
serious, we couldn't help but laugh since most of our problems finish
off with a laugh.

"Really guys, I missed being bottom guy." Alex persisted.
"Why didn't you tell us before?" I asked, I managed to fix a bit of
Alex's lowering hair from his face. He looked really well, limp.

***

"The thing is I can't tell which one is the receiving end," I said
as I continued to talk to Tonj about this new predicament we all have.
Of course in sex there has to be the submissive and aggressive, top or
bottom, and other possible jargons we will not go through.

"So you think Alex isn't getting enough about sex?" Tonj cocked up
an eyebrow as if curious or something, seeing that reaction I sprung
up my hand and slapped him.
"Wake up, lover boy!" I said.
"Ouch! That smarts!" Then he smiled, as if he wanted to get slapped.
"Try to focus on the question, which one is the receiving end, because
all I know we get pleasure from either parties, like for example..."

Tonj moved a bit closer to me, stretched his arm on my waist.

"Please," I was trying to act not to like his arm around my waist.
"I bet you already know the receiving end." Tonj responded and a quick
smooch, he did answer my question.

So we all know how us people get on the bedroom, there'd be some little
or big argument of who gets to be the top or bottom, I even thought
there are some gay men who prefer to be tops, and others be the bottom
guy, or by leaps and bounds become versatile men depending on how they
perform on bed, but let's not go there.

***

The next day Alex called me up after that surprising revelation in
Food Choices. They had an argument on how Ken would be the top for the
meantime and get Alex to somehow enjoy being the bottom guy for once.

Am I the right person to talk about bedroom woes? Hey, I'm a gossip
columnist and not a counselor for couples!

"Maybe my roots as a budding gay man has starting sprouting in the
wrong direction and my libido is raging, and my need to be fucked is
driving me crazy. Am I crazy, Jethro?" Alex asked.
"Jeez, Alex, you've said a mouthful..."
"And?"
"You're not crazy. You're just obsessed getting fucked."
"Me? Obsessed? I don't think so."
"Come on, though I know you need some old-fashion loving." I said.
"It's more than just fucking, I guess." Alex ckeared his throat
knowing that when it comes to a relationship sex was just a part of it.
"Maybe I just Ken to be there for me."
"Right!"

But then again...Alex Santos, you are obsessed!

Let me get a second opinion. See? I'm not good talking about sexual
problems.

We later moved to Dr. Margarita Holmes, known for her rather explicit
ways of telling what's wrong with you, all in good taste that is.

"Do we have to?" Alex asked, as if skeptical going to a shrink.
"Yes, it's about you get yourself a shrink, and besides, I'm giving
you a discount." I smiled.
"A discount? Why?" Alex looked at me, looking more skeptical.
"Refer-a-friend, works all the time." I smiled again. We approached
the receptionist and declared our appointment with the shrink. Still,
Alex didn't look convinced that his sexual problem was something
a knock-knock on the head.

"And besides she makes great cookies." I say. Yummy!

***

Travis is by all means in touch with both parties of pleasure. Being
the versatile person that he is, he makes everything worthwhile and
as much as possible make the relationship short. But this one was
totally different from most men Travis dated.

There came Mr. Show-off, twenty-something, nice car, nice gadgets and
loves to show off his precious nothings and flaunt them and ensure
proper insecurity around him. Some people get annoyed by his actions,
but to Travis, he seemed that Mr. Show-off's show offs are stupid,
childish and plain vain, and most of all grotesque.

"So I thought we could pass by the car wash for something."
Mr. Show-off said as he and Travis were on their way to Libis and go
to Aruba! Just for kicks and a possible hook-up, but the idea of going
to a car wash before a date was plain boring and time-wasting.

"Sure, just make it quick." Travis almost pleaded as if no one was
listening. So he fiddled with his cell phone, trying to avert his oh
so glizty smile I swear Travis looked away from his blinding smile.

They did go to the car wash and made Travis wait for twenty minutes
when they should be in Aruba! eating as well as having a few drinks
and stuff like that, as well as the inevitable hope of getting laid.

But to his dismay, Mr. Show-off was plain showing off. Even though
the guy was good-long, Travis didn't like the idea of someone who
was obsessed with the details of his so-called 'material world.'

"You know what?" Travis begin to look directly to Mr. Show-off.
"My car is a beauty, right?" Showing off again, very sickly said.
Then he ordered one of the wash boy to detail the car with an old
toothbrush so every clean, neat, and shiny.

"Yeah, pretty obvious, and then some." He retorted, and with his
now evil mode on, he walked away from the car wash, Mr. Show-off
only looking awed from what Travis is doing. He summoned a cab
outside and went to Aruba! and look for another date. Maybe inside
the said place would be a great start to pick one.

Which he did. Let's go to Aruba! one time. So we can enjoy going there
alone and eventually get ourselves a date.

There he met Mr. Marvelous, thirty-something looked twenty-something,
but always nice and not unlike Mr. Show-off. He was  devoid of any
gadget that is the very envy of everyone. He was just sitting to one
of those bar chairs I forgot the real name of those chairs. Anyway,
Travis wanted to get his hands on him.

Marvelous as his name implies.

"Excuse me," Travis said, apologetically, as if excited to make the
move. With a wave of a hand he ordered his drink, double vodka tonic,
as usual, to kick things off.

"That's cute." Mr Marvelous said, finally noticing Travis' subtle
hint, motioned the bartender to get him another drink.

***

Ian Basco was on his way to school, he usually takes the bus to go to
Ateneo De Manila even though his dad, Chris insisted in taking him
there every morning.

God! I'm late again, he would usually say.

Though stress and school activities would eat him whole, he would have
some spare time to look around for a potential boyfriend. Of course,
Ian still prioritizes his work in school, and as much as possible
finish everything and give himself a deserving education.

Yeah, right.

Upon reaching the school entrance, he accidentally bumped into some
guy. The guy whom Ian bumped evidently didn't like what he did by
showing him a cold glare. The guy was wearing glasses and as if didn't
mind what happened so eventually he walked off to one of those huge
halls of Ateneo.

Sorry. He silently said. He was, but the guy he bumped was cute as well.

After a struggle, Ian managed to reach his classroom just in time for
his subject, Social Studies, which he hates as he told me before, but
he knows he has to pass every subject to at least earn him something
for his future, albeit he wants a stable future with a matching
boyfriend with that.

Ateneo wasn't the exact place to look for one, but rumors say that the
most powerful gay men come and teach there. Yes, gay professors.

Like, have you met Danton Remoto?

Back to the potential manhunting in Ateneo, I suggested Ian not to
pick up someone in school grounds, as if I was playing second dad to
him, as we all know his dad, Chris has full-time job as a designer and
a Dad.

"Why shouldn't I? The gay men here in Ateneo are plentiful," Ian said.
"I know, but you can't just pick someone out just for convenience."
I said, trying to tell him that love comes in mysterious ways.

And sometimes weird.

School is the best place to meet new friends, enemies, terror teachers,
bimbo cheerleaders and clueless jocks. It is so-called 'collection' of
beautiful people, freaks and dorks, the rich and the financially
challenged. The place where people will look at you top to bottom and
will judgemental in what you say and do.

A common place where everyone is looked upon how low or
how high, it is the place for students like Ian to look for a future
in the ruthless reality we face, not a place to look for love.

And of course, this is just my opinion.

***

I managed to gather my wits to join this gay support group Tonj was
going to, without my knowledge but was acceptable since he was having
issues of being gay and stuff like that. That also includes fatherhood
and a possible parenthood status that I will eventually get when I
start parenting a kid, or even kids.

"It's a good thing you came along," Tonj thanking me, "This really
mean a lot to me." I didn't feel obliged or something, it felt that I
had to be there, to know more about him, and other gay men who have
issues that they cannot resolve themselves.

"Sure, my pleasure," I said, stomping on the cigarette butt I just
extinguished after smoking it, "Tell me what to expect about the
group?" Deeply, I was intrigued to what the people would say there.
"Nothing much, I wouldn't suggest Travis to go here." He jerked a
smile, a really evil smirk.
"Why?" As if I didn't get it. "Oh, got it."

The gay support groups caterered to gay men each with distinct yet
well all too common issues, also that same issue that's been bugging
Alex was considered in this support group.

Mental note: make sure Alex enrolls himself in this gay support group.

"So I thought," One of the gay men there started to talk, "Maybe
dating that male model wannabe wasn't such a good idea..."

"But you know..."

Everybody is actually listening, even me.

"Boy, he was great in bed."

There was a collective sigh, Tonj and I both smiled, also thinking
that everyone is dysfunctional and flaws, yet we are capable of proper
thinking. But there were some issues cannot be tolerated by support
groups or even those counselors who make you pay sums of money for
just a small amount of time.

We were all on the receiving end, we just don't know what we are
getting. Its like a huge birthday present and we don't know what's
inside, but eventually it satisfies us, yet we have expectations.

***

I later convinced Ken to have lunch with me in Popeye's, just to get
on the conversation of things. Well, just to clear out some bad air
Alex may have exhausted. I wanted to help Alex with his top or bottom
situation.

"Alex and you are not in good terms, and I know what's wrong." I said.
"Yeah, I bet you have, I know you value Alex's opinion on everything."
He slumped a bit, forgetting he was eating his ordered chicken meal.
"I also value yours, you're my friend too." I assured him that anyone
who are in my circle of friends are of value.

"Alex is so obssessed being the bottom guy because he's accustomed to
being one." I started explaining the lowdown on what Alex is like even
before Ken Tatlongreyna met him. "He gets dated, he isn't the one who
dates men."

"And?" Ken was beginning to sit up straight, as if interested.
"It's just that Alex wants to be in the other end of the receiving
end, and you know what that mean. Right?" I squinted an eye.
"Yeah, I guess." He smiled, I could tell Ken always want the best for
Alex, and I want the best from the both of them.
"I have to say Alex is a great boyfriend, and he's really my best
friend," Ken said, "He's all I've got."
"Then give him 'loving' that he needs."

Then in struck me. I remember the times when I was in my social hiatus
in college. Those were the times when I had so much love to give but
no one seems to want it. I could tell that Alex gave so much love he
didn't really experience love from someone.

"Alex is always on his work, wait it's six o'clock, he should be in
Gold's Gym working out." I said, immediately, Ken gathered up his
belongings, he was happy to know that certain problems have solutions.

We just need someone to point it out sometimes.

***

Chris Basco was by no means happy because one of his designs wasn't
featured in Designer Depot's upcoming fashion show. His work was
snobbed by critics. But what can he do?

"There will be next time," Chris said, but he's not down and out, he's
just been temporarily buzzed-off.
"Hey, you told me you're going to introduce me with your significant
other, right?" He looked again, now with a smile on his face.
"Yeah, and he's here right now." I said, we both look the incoming
hot guy with geeky glasses with a semi-fit dragon shirt, his taut
muscles were complimenting the shirt.

Those are the perks when you hang out with a guy who works in a clothes
store.

"Hi Jethro," he finally greeted, "So you must be Chris Basco, Jethro's
best friend." He smiled and sat down beside me.
"Well, it's nice to finally see who Jethro is raving about."

Yeah, I think so.

"So I can see you guys are having a jolly good time." Chris asked.
"We are, we are happy." I told him, Tonj smiled and somehow his life
came with a purpose; to love someone who truly understands who he is.
"I've really changed when I met Jethro, he gave me direction, and new
lease in life." Tonj said, truly he said those words from the bottom
of his heart. I knew he loves me, and I love him too.
"Come on, let's get out of here, I hear Travis is waiting for us
at that new restaurant in Greenbelt 2."
"Right on!" I said.

***

As we entered the new restaurant Travis was raving about, we saw both
Travis, Alex and Ken, and of course Ian, who is by the way in the course
of getting a real boyfriend. Everybody was cheering and laughing on our
way to our table.

Travis was right, we all deserve something.

With our glasses raised up to the air, I wanted to toast on how good life
was and that fate gave us the right dysfunctionality to turn around...

"Guys, with all my heart to our joy." I felt like crying.
"Tonj patted my back, his eyes shone brightly, and he whispered...

I'm so proud of you Jethro, you truly have.

"To joy! Happy Birthday Jethro!!!"

Oh, I haven't mentioned. Today's my birthday. I'm noot really the type
of guy who celebrates birthdays so extravagant. But I only live once,
and if someone wants to give me a helluva great party. Why not?

Later on, I decided to spend the night at my place, alone.

Tonj understood that I wanted to spend time alone to reflect to what
I've done from the past year that was somehow good and sometimes
queasy, but I seem to get something good from everything.

But then again, I got lonely.

"Hey, it's me!" I called Tonj up thru my 7650 Nokia cellphone.
"Hey kid, what up?" I could sense his restlessness from his voice.
"I have a sudden change of heart,"
"And?"
"You don't mind going over here, right?"
"I don't mind."
"Ok, then. Just one more thing, can you but me ice cream?"
"I already have, I'm here outside your place."

What?!

I immediately ran out of my room, with the cellphone on hand and saw
Tonj just outside the gate, he held up a huge gallon of vanilla ice
cream and more, he also bought marshmallows, my favorite treat!

"You know what?" I looked snidely towards Tonj.
"What?"
"I brought along another surprise." Tonj smiled. Out from the car
his son, Peter appeared almost asleep but somehow happy to see me.
"Oh, you poor kids, come on inside it's cold out here." I said.
I carried Peter in my arms and lead them inside my place.
Tonj gave me a sweet kiss and I kissed him back.

"Jethro, you give me so much joy." He said.

I know, I know.

So what happens next after this? I just let our love between me and
Tonj fulfill our destiny and somehow live our lives what we want to be
without inhibitions, without limits, without barriers.

Just pure joy.

************************************

for reactions, critiques please send me an email
at reggietangan@edsamail.com.ph
or visit my website at http://www.reggietangan.cjb.net/joy