Date: 4 Nov 2005 22:20:07 -0800
From: tball101@hotmail.com
Subject: My Life in The Closet Part 6: Opening the floodgates

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This is a true story about my life and my ongoing struggle with my
sexuality. I'm writing this as part therapy and part outlet. I live a
closeted life and I have never shared any of this honestly with anyone.
There are graphic depictions of male homosexuality contained in this story
so if you don't like it, don't read it.

Everything's true, most of the names have been changed because I don't want
to be outed by this story. This is meant not only to be a honest
representation of events, but my emotional state during my struggles.

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"My Life in The Closet Part 6: Opening the floodgates"

The last part of my story left off when I was 36 and had just had my first
sex with a guy in a long time, sucking his cock all night long like I was
possessed.  This came around a year after a traumatic split with my wife.
The immediate cause of the split was her cheating on me. The long-term cause
of the split was my secret gay life. Unknown to her and everyone else who
knew me as a "normal" straight guy, in my teens I was addicted to cock,
sucking the dicks of 30 or so anonymous strangers. These urges receded for
years but came back years later when I cheated on my wife with another guy,
had an AIDS scare, and had to tell her what happened. Our relationship never
recovered and we ended up in divorce.

After the divorce I tried to maintain my hetero life and had an eight-month
relationship with a hot young girl that petered out(literally) when I
started having trouble getting it up.

After that ended I started to get hooked on gay porn and decided I owed it
to myself to explore my sexual urges. I was horny for cock again. I found it
at a local gay bay called the Spotlight on Cahuenga Blvd.

After the night with young Saul, who I mercilessly sucked on like a wanton
cocksucker for hours, I didn't have any guilt.

I wasn't married anymore, my life was my own and I was free to do what I
wanted, whenever I wanted. Not always such a good thing mind you.

But I still didn't want anyone to know about my secret sex life. Throughout
the course of my adult life I had built a large network of friends and
business associates who all knew me as "straight", in addition to my large
extended family.

At this time in my life, I still didn't think of myself as gay, because I
didn't want to face it. After all, I was still attracted to women. I had
just been fucking a hottie for eight months and was widely admired by my guy
friends for it.

Sure, it died out because I started to have trouble getting it up, but I
chalked that up more to getting bored with her as a person. I know now that
this was a rationalization, but at the time, it sounded pretty good to me.

I also knew that I was more sexually attracted to guys, and thought this was
okay too. I decided to live my life being open to the possibilities. If I
met a girl I liked and we clicked, I'd go for it, but in the meantime, I'd
fill in the blanks having fun with guys.

My trips to the Spotlight became more frequent and I started to have oral
sex with men every few weeks or so. Some of these experiences were super
charged hot sessions, some were just what they were, quickies to relieve my
built up sexual needs.

One night at the Spotlight, I was hanging out at the Spotlight and met Brian
at the bar. I was always attracted to "straight" types and Brian fit the
bill. He was tall, nice looking and black. Oh by the way, I also began to
realize that I had a preference for black and Hispanic guys. My attraction
wasn't exclusive to these two groups, but I seemed to like them.

Brian and I started up a good, friendly conversation that waxed and waned.
For me, these gay encounters at a bar would always build up to that crucial
moment, does this guy want to fool around or doesn't he?

We seemed to pass that point and it pretty much looked like Brian wasn't
that interested, so I figured that was that. It was okay, he was still a
cool guy and we were having fun talking.

All of a sudden, in walked Will, a young blond hottie, with blue eyes , a
beautiful face and a nice body. For some reason he came up to me and asked
if I had a cigarette. I didn't, but I was in a playful mood and this kid was
really cute. When I'm relaxed and happy, I can be pretty charming and I
guess I was this night. We made some small talk and he laughed at my little
jokes and took me up on an offer to buy him a drink.

Brian, who had started to lose interest in me, quickly refocused his
attention on my new friend and I.

Will was a very cool customer and knew exactly the effect he was having on
Brian and I. And he enjoyed it. He was very straight acting and seemed like
a normal college kid, but also had a knowing smirk that said, "I know you
guys want me".

Will seemed to take a shine to me and it was apparent I was winning the Will
sweepstakes over Brian.

It got to that certain point and I asked Will if he wanted to come back to
my place. He flashed a dirty kind of smile at me and said sure. Brian was
kind of bummed, but hey, life's not always fair, is it?

We ordered another round of drinks for some additional lubrication and the
evening's plans changed dramatically at the arrival of two other young guys
that Will knew.

One was Rich, another black dude with dreadlocks and a cute kid skater boy
type whose name I can't remember.

These guys came over and a little party started at the bar. We all
introduced ourselves, drinks were purchased and we started to have a good
time.

These guys were all so cool. They were hip, young and to any outside
observer, perfectly straight. But as we were all hanging in a gay bar, I
assumed they must be into guys too. This was a whole new world for me. They
were guys who were just guys who just happened to be gay and were seemingly
fine with it. They weren't closeted, scared men looking to give blow-jobs in
the dark. I liked that.

I was having a fantastic time but I also knew that this gathering could have
a negative effect on my hook up with Will so I did the only logical thing: I
invited them all back to my place for some more after hour drinks.

They thought this was a great idea. Poor Brian was left out so I asked if he
wanted to join us and he said "yes" almost before I finished asking the
question.

We all piled into my car, (except for Brian, he followed in his own car) my
merry gay band and I stopped and bought some beer and headed to my place.

We cracked some beers, turned on some music and started hanging out.
Everything seemed so normal. I was fascinated by this new experience.

Will went to the bathroom and as I walked by to the kitchen he slyly
motioned for me to join him.

As I said he was a cool customer. With a tone of authority he asked me how I
wanted to play, whether I wanted to be dominant or submissive. This was way
over my head. I told him that I wasn't into that type of thing and he
laughed. He said he just wanted to know whether I was a top or a bottom and
what I liked. Well, I told him that I pretty much liked to suck cock and had
never tried anal at all. He smiled that wicked smile of his and said,
"You're probably a bottom then."

He unzipped his pants and flopped out his cock. His dick was pretty flaccid
but it was long and thin and had a nice head on it. I immediately dropped to
my knees and started to suck his cock. He grabbed the back of my head and
said he knew I was a natural born cocksucker the second he met me. My mouth
full of cock, I groaned in agreement. This dirty talk made me very hot.

He then pulled his cock of my mouth and said he had a good idea. He opened
the door to the bathroom and yelled out to the guys that we should all take
a shower together. This kid was a true leader of men.

Almost instantly, there was a stampede of naked bodies running towards my
shower. It was pretty hilarious. I have a normal size shower and we were jam
packed, giggling and soaping up with hot water running over our bodies. I
couldn't believe what was happening and what I was doing. I was naked in a
shower with four hot guys. I let the reality sink in a bit by checking these
guys out.

Will was thin and had a nice toned body. He was very white and had a perfect
round ass. Rich, the dreadlocked guy, was like a mahogany statue. He had an
incredible body. Thin, but covered with a network of sinewy muscles. He was
like a sculpture. His cock was rock hard, cut and around six inches or so.
Like the rest of his body, perfect looking.

Brian was tall with a bit of a beer belly, but he was packing an enormous
dick, around eight inches and thick as a Coke can.

The skater boy was in pretty good shape too, smaller than the rest of us and
with a dick just like mine: six inches or so, cut with a nice head.

Will looked at me and said slyly, "Well, you've got plenty of cock to suck
now". I sure did.

The skater boy and I got on our knees and started to service the three cocks
in front of us. I couldn't believe what was happening to me. This was like a
dream.

We worked our way between all three cocks at a feverish pace. Will and Rich
were the closest to me and I started to go between their two cocks
exclusively. Will started to slap my face with his hard dick telling me to
suck it and like it. They both tried to jam their dicks in my mouth at once,
which didn't work too well, but it wasn't for want of trying.

At a certain point Will turned off the shower and suggested we all get in my
bed. I had a nice king size left over from my married life and there was
plenty of room.

I was intoxicated with all the sucking and kissing and rubbing. Big Brian
did his best to face fuck me but his cock was too wide for my mouth. Skater
boy took over on Brian as I moved over and starting to work on Rich's ebony
rod. All of a sudden I felt a slick lubed finger rubbing my ass hole. Will
was behind me and started to rub all around the outside of my hole. The
feeling was incredible and I moaned with Rich's cock in my mouth.

"I told you, you were probably a bottom", he said.

The way my asshole felt at that moment I thought that he might be right.

He continued to play with my hole as I sucked Rich's dick. He slowly and
carefully worked a finger in. It was a little weird but it kind of felt
good. After a while, he started to wiggle his finger back and forth around
the hole and it started to feel really good. I could tell Rich was close. He
pulled his cock out of my mouth and shot a huge load on my face as Will
finger fucked my ass.

I was in a daze and let out a weak "oh God" as Will and Rich switched places
and Will put his cock in my mouth.

I was in a true sexual frenzy. Brian had blown his load on skater boy and
was returning the favor by sucking his cock. Will didn't take long to cum
and I took the second load of the night on my face.

As Rich was playing with my ass, he grabbed under me and milked my cock like
the udder of a cow. I was so turned on that my body convulsed as I came and
I could feel my asshole tighten around Rich's finger as I did.

We had all shot our loads and as is known to happen with males, we were all
a little spent. We retired to the living room and picked up where we left
off, drinking beer and listening to music.

It was really late, probably about 3AM and Brian said he was heading out.
After he left we all had a good laugh when skater boy said he was glad Brian
took off because his dick was too big to be sucked properly.

I sat around with Will, Rich and skater boy for a while and I could feel the
party was starting to wind down. Will said he didn't have any money for a
cab and the three of them just kind of sat there. I told them they were
welcome to stay the night and I suggested we all go back to the bedroom.

We continued playing until the wee, wee hours. I did things I never thought
I would ever do.

It turned out that Rich loved to eat ass and I was in such a sexual froth
that I dove in too, pleasuring Rich and Will with my tongue on their holes.
It gave them such pleasure that I ignored the obvious grossness of it and
enjoyed it.

I ended up with two fingers in my ass at one point but I didn't like that
too much. Will said he wanted to fuck my tight ass, but I told him I didn't
think so. I wasn't ready for that.

We all sucked and cuddled and kissed and fell asleep. I woke up to find Rich
in bed with me and Will and skater boy in each other's arms on the sofa.

I sucked Rich off as he woke from a pleasant sleep and rubbed my head in
encouragement. He shot a small load on my face and smiled at me in
gratitude.

Then reality struck. I actually had to go to work. I roused the groggy boys
and sent them on their way.

That day at work, I walked around as if I had been abducted by aliens the
night before, but couldn't tell anyone. I had a hard on practically all day
as images of the night before played in my mind. I had done things I had
only fantasized about. I had my ass played with and I liked it. That night
was a defining moment in my sexual life. I had couldn't believe what I had
experienced and I wanted to tell someone about it.

But I couldn't. I would just have to keep it to myself.

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I know what you guys are thinking: I made this up. But like all of my
stories this is absolutely true. I've chosen to tell this story in such
detail because it really did change the way I started to approach gay sex.

As you may have noticed, I started to realize there was more to it than just
sucking cock, hello finger up the ass. Also, this was the first and only
time anything like this ever happened to me. No, I never had orgy style sex
ever again, so this did stick out in my mind.

I have been attempting to chronicle my experiences as I felt them with all
the titillation, irrational drives and risky behaviors that the gay
lifestyle has introduced in my life. This is true. I'm not necessarily proud
of it, but it was a big night in my sexual life and changed me quite a bit.

If you'd like to read more about my closeted life, email me at
tball101@hotmail.com I'd love to hear what you thought.

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