Date: Fri, 28 May 2004 08:10:46 -0700 (PDT)
From: joecable <joecable@gay.com>
Subject: That's What I Am
I'm a cocksucker.
Yeh, that's right, a cocksucker. I pleasure straight
guys with my mouth when they're horny and there's no pussy
around. And when they've popped their load down my throat, they
just stick their meat back in their pants and zip up. Sometimes
they say thanks, sometimes they don't. But that's OK, it's just
how straight guys treat cocksuckers.
Straight guys always want to know what a guy like me
gets out of giving them blow jobs when they don't give me
anything in return. Well, that's easy. They do give me something,
they give me dick, the most wonderful, sexiest thing in the world
to a fag. So while the straight guy is using my mouth as a pussy
substitute in order to satisfy his sexual needs, he is also
letting me worship his cock so I can satisfy mine. That's a fair
deal as far as I'm concerned.
But, hey, don't get me wrong. Seeing me walk down the
street, you'd never think I was queer. I don't swish. I hang out
with my friends, play sports, get drunk now and then, the usual
guy-guy stuff. I'm totally male and a regular guy in every way
except one: My favorite kind of sex is sucking on another guy's
dick and taking his load for him.
Am I glad that I turned out to be a cocksucker instead
of a normal, pussy-chasing straight guy? Yeah, I am, even though
sometimes it can be tough being a fag in a straight-ruled world,
especially a fag who likes what I like. I wouldn't want to be
anything else though. In fact, tell you the truth, I'm more than
glad, I'm proud to be a cocksucker. I'm proud that the guys who
let me service them usually come back for more, whenever they're
feeling horny and need the kind of ego-trip-hot-sex that they can
only get from a really good cocksucker who asks nothing more than
the privilege of being allowed to suck them.
But I'll admit it took me a while to get here. Like all
guys growing up homo instead of hetero, I suppose, I had to
figure out a few things first. Let me tell you about it.
* * *
Ever since I can remember I've been fascinated by other
guy's dicks and I started sucking on them as soon as my older
cousin he's a homo too showed me what a blow job was and then let
me practice on his dick so I could learn to do it right. Right
from that first time I loved how it felt to have his cock in my
mouth, how good it made me feel to suck on it, to make it mine
for a few minutes. Even more, I loved how much my cousin enjoyed
being sucked off, how good I made him feel. He'd kick back and
relax on the bed, his hands behind his head, just letting me
pleasure him, and I fell in love with giving sexual service to
other men. It just felt so good to suck on his beautiful cock
until he popped his load.
Naturally, as soon as I discovered cocksucking, I
wanted more, lots more, and my cousin told me about the Y and the
men's room in the bus station downtown. He said that guys who
were horny would go there and let guys like us feed on their meat
so they could get off.
I'll never forget the first time I went to the Y, a
couple of months after I started sucking my cousin's dick. This
good-looking guy came into the men's room dressed only in gym
shorts and a jock. He saw me sitting in one of the stalls, which
didn't have any doors. I guess it was obvious I wasn't there to
take a shit.
"You want something, boy?" he asked when he saw me
looking at him while he took a leak at one of the urinals.
"Yes, please," I answered, my heart racing.
"What's that, boy?"
"Can I suck your cock, please, sir?"
"You a cocksucker, boy?" he said, waving his dick at
me.
"Yes, sir, I am. Please let me suck on it."
"Funny," he said, "you don't look queer."
"Well, it's just that I like to suck guys. I'm not a
sissy or anything."
He walked toward me, his dick getting hard. God, it was
beautiful, sticking out from his lean, hard body, his heavy balls
hanging below it.
"You do a good job, cocksucker," he said, standing in
front of me, his manhood a few inches from my face.
"Yes, sir," I answered, "I'll suck it good for you."
"You do that, boy."
I leaned forward and felt for the first time the utter
bliss that comes over me when a straight man's cock slides into
my mouth. It thrilled me to be this hunky guy's cocksucker, the
instrument of his pleasure. As I sucked him, he kept calling me
names like faggot and queer boy and I felt smaller and smaller
and he seemed bigger and more masculine every second, until he
blew his wad down my throat. When it was over, he thanked me and
told me I was a good cocksucker. That really made me feel good
because I wanted to be the best cocksucker in the world for a guy
like him.
Two other guys used my mouth as a pussy substitute that
day and they called me names too. That bothered me at first. Even
then, I didn't think of myself as like one of those swishy guys
everyone made fun of at school. As I told that first guy, I
wasn't a sissy, it just made me feel good to suck dick. At that
time, I guess, I thought my cousin and I must be just about the
only guys in the world who needed dick instead of pussy but
didn't act queer. But my cousin told me there were plenty of guys
like us, and being a cocksucker didn't mean you weren't a man. It
just meant you liked sucking dick.
But he also told me that straight guys need to protect
their self-image before they can relax and get sexual service
from another man. He said that submitting to a straight guy's
verbal abuse when you serviced him was just part of being a
cocksucker and you had to learn to get off on it. Part of the
job, so to speak. He was right, of course. Pretty soon I wanted
the verbal abuse when I serviced a guy, it made being his
cocksucker even more thrilling for me, telling me who and what I
am.
But it still bothered me when my friends made fun of
homos while we were joking around. Of course, they never
suspected I was a homo myself, sucking dick every chance I got at
places like the Y. I wasn't about to stop doing it, and if doing
it meant I was a homo, then I was a homo and so be it. But it
would take a while before I was proud to be a cocksucker. Until
then, sucking dick was just something I needed to do and so I did
it.
* * *
I began to feel proud of what I am when I went away to
college. It didn't take me long to find out about the third-floor
john in the library and its carefully maintained, and usually
busy glory hole. Soon I was going there several times a week to
find cock to worship, and most of it turned out to be my favorite
kind, straight-boy cock.
You see, in those days, nice girls weren't supposed to
put out, so a lot of the straights went to the campus glory holes
when they were horny to get their hard-ons serviced by fags. Just
like the guys I'd sucked off at the Y while in high school, none
of them thought there was anything queer about a guy putting his
dick in some cocksucker's mouth so he could get off. It was
putting your mouth around some guy's dick that made you queer.
But the straights liked the anonymity of the glory
holes as much as the cocksuckers did. That way they could have
sex with another guy and enjoy it without any complications, no
reputations made or lost. It was just hot mouths and hard dicks
and that was a good deal for everyone, straight and fag alike.
* * *
I remember going into the library john after I'd been
at school a couple of years, one night when I was real hungry for
some straight-boy dick. But the first stall, the one I liked to
use when I worked the glory hole, was occupied. Naturally I
didn't know if it was just some guy taking a shit, or someone
looking to get blown, or someone after the same thing I was
after, because I wasn't the only dicklicker at school by a long
shot. I knew most of the other cocksuckers by this point, having
run into them in places like the library john. We'd nod when we
ran into each other on campus and maybe discuss some new hot spot
to get dick that one of us had found. We were sort of a secret
fraternity and most of us weren't obvious about being queer.
So I went into the other stall to take a leak and I
could feel the guy checking me out through the glory hole while I
pissed.
"How you doing, cocksucker?" he said.
It was Billy, the only guy I let call me "cocksucker"
when I wasn't being submissive to a straight guy while I serviced
him. Billy was my best friend. We had met in this very spot
during our freshman year when he had put his dick through the
glory hole for me to suck on after I let him know I wanted it. I
had figured he was just another horny straight boy. But after a
couple of minutes of feeding me his meat he surprised me.
"Hey, man," he said, "you give great head. But it's my
turn now. Let me have some cock, hey, and I'll show you what I
can do with it."
Naturally I did and he did as good a job on my dick as
I had been doing on his. We were cocksucking buddies from that
point on, taking care of each other when one of us wanted to pop
a load or was hungry for cock. But we were never lovers. We were
both too much into giving glory hole service, sucking off
straight guys. But we took a lot of classes together and soon
became best friends. That was great because it can be lonely
being a homo when you're that age.
Billy and I could be completely ourselves together. He
already knew I was a cocksucker, so I didn't have to hide it from
him like I did from my other friends. And he understood why I
needed to suck dick in the only way that a man can ever really
understand the need for dick instead of pussy, because he needed
it too. So we spent a lot of time together, feeling each other up
while we talked, making out, and giving each other long, loving
blow jobs as we worshiped our mutual passion, the great god cock.
Billy told me he had been hung up on other guys' dicks
since his older stepbrother came home drunk and horny one night
and talked him into giving him some head. Billy adored his bro-
ther and would have done anything to please him, and he found he
really enjoyed sucking his brother's big dick. It fed a hunger in
himself he hadn't known he'd had before. He became his brother's
regular cocksucker after that, and soon for a couple of his bro-
ther's friends too, sucking them each off a couple of times a
week, sometimes separately, sometimes together. That's how he
learned to like sucking cock while others watched. And Billy was
still his brother's cocksucker, at least when he was home from
college, even though his brother had gotten married.
"Hey, Billy, how you doing?" I asked him when I found
out who was in the other stall. "Had much action tonight?"
"Not bad. I've been here about half an hour and I've
saved two guys from the sin of masturbation."
"How were they?"
"You're talking to a happy cocksucker."
"I bet. Wish it had been me, that's for fucking sure.
You going to be here much longer?"
"Well, I'll make room for you if you want. But I
haven't come yet. How about letting me suck your dick while I
jerk off? You want to be my last cock of the evening?"
"Sure, Billy," I told him, "that would be great. But
don't make me come, hey? I don't want to take the edge off until
I've gotten some dick for myself."
"Don't worry," he told me, "I know that feeling pretty
well."
I'd been playing with my dick while we talked, so I was
already hard and I stuck my seven inches through the glory hole
for Billy to suck on while he jerked off. I felt his warm, wet
mouth surround my dick and I could see under the partition that
he had slipped to his knees, the proper position for worshiping
cock, even one that belongs to another cocksucker. Soon he was
sliding up and down my dick, burying his nose in my pubes on the
down stroke in his cocksucker's hunger for dick.
No wonder Billy's brother still wanted service from
him, even though he was getting regular pussy from his wife.
Whether you're straight or a fag yourself, there's just nothing
like a blow job from a really good cocksucker, and Billy was one
of the best.
"Hey, thanks, man," he said when he finished. "That was
great. You know, you've really got a nice cock, even if you're
just a fucking faggot."
"Well, no one's perfect," I said as I came out of the
stall. Billy came out of his, his jeans still unbuttoned, and I
gave his cock and balls a squeeze. "You've got nice meat too,
Billy. For a homo at least."
"Well, that's what I am," he said laughing. "A queer-
as-a-three-dollar-bill dicklicking homo and cocksucker to the
stars, and glad to be one. You glad you're a cocksucker too? Or
would you be straight if you had the chance?"
"I dunno, Billy. Sometimes I like being a fag and
sometimes I don't."
"Well, have fun, cocksucker," he said. "You can't stop
needing dick, so you might as well enjoy getting it." He leaned
forward and kissed me gently on the lips.
"Thanks, cocksucker, I'll try my best." I kissed him
back and we held each other for a moment. As I said, it can be
lonely being queer at that age, especially if what turns you on
the most is getting straight guys to share their manhood with
you, like it did Billy and me.
* * *
I went into Billy's stall and sat down, playing with my
dick while I waited. Pretty soon two guys came in and started
taking a leak. They were talking about how horny they were, so I
figured they hadn't come into the library john just to find a
urinal. I tapped my foot a couple of times, the signal that the
guy in the stall was looking for cock to service.
"Hey, I think we're in luck," one of them said.
"Great," the other one answered, "you go ahead and I'll
look out."
"You want to suck on my dick?" the first one asked me.
"Sure would," I said. "You need to pop a load? I'll
take care of you."
The guy went into the other stall and stuck six inches
of manmeat through the glory hole. "Suck on this, faggot," he
told me.
I do what I'm told when I'm on cocksucking duty and I
fell on it. Boy was I hungry for straight-boy meat that night.
Pretty soon I was making a disaster zone of his cock and balls
and he was moaning and calling me a pussy mouth faggot and a
fucking, dicklicking cocksucker--all of which is true. Pretty
soon he popped his load and I swallowed it happily.
"Hey, Steve," he said to his buddy, "this guy is great.
He really drained me."
He left the stall and the other guy came in and put a
true eight-incher through the glory hole. It was a real beauty
and I leaned back to admire it for a second.
"Come on, cocksucker," he told me, "do your job, I
haven't got all night."
I set to work, polishing the head of his dick with my
tongue. I licked his balls for a while and then deep-throated him
right to the base of his cock. He let out a low moan and started
to move his hips back and forth. He turned out to be one of those
guys who prefer to fuck a cocksucker in the face, so I just
pushed my mouth up to the glory hole and had a really good time
while he put his hands on the top of the partition and shoved his
dick down my throat again and again.
Just as we were really getting into it, the door to the
john opened and another guy came in. Sometimes when that hap-
pened, the guy getting sucked would pull away. But this one
didn't seem to care and he kept right on face fucking me.
"Hey, Pete," the new guy said to the one I'd serviced
first. "What are you doing here?"
"Not doing anything, Fred. I'm here getting done. So's
Steve."
"You got a cocksucker in there taking care of you,
Steve?" he asked.
"Sure as hell do," he said. "Wait a couple more minutes
and you can find out for yourself how good he is. This guy's
really got a hot mouth."
"Thanks," he said, "but I think I'm getting laid this
weekend. Don't want to spoil that."
"Lucky you," the guy I was sucking said. "Haven't had
any pussy in fucking ages. Got to be satisfied with blow jobs
from faggots. At least this cocksucker really knows how to use
his mouth on a guy's meat."
"Well, enjoy," the other guy said, flushing the urinal
and going out.
I was really pleased he had called me a good cocksucker
and he started calling me more names when he got close. "Come on,
cocksucker," he said, "use that pussy mouth of yours. Yeh, man,
suck my dick. Fucking queer, you like my meat, don't you,
faggot?" Suddenly he shot a big wad and I slurped it up.
He took his dick out of my mouth, wiped it off with
some toilet paper and zipped up. "Thanks, guy," he said, "you
were great. Really enjoyed it."
"Glad I could help," I said. "Any time."
"See you around, whoever the fuck you are," he said as
he went out the door with his friend, laughing.
I waited again, my cocksucker's hunger for dick not yet
satisfied, despite two great cocks. But no one came in for a long
while and I eventually decided to try the park to get what I
needed. I'd never been there before but Billy had told me about
it. When it was warm he especially liked to go to a part of the
public park near the campus because that's where the local punks
went when their girl friends weren't putting out and they needed
a blow job from the cocksuckers who went there to service them.
It really turned him on to be on his knees in front of these
guys, servicing their dicks in public, and taking their verbal
abuse along with their loads.
"You've never been called a faggot until one of these
guys call you a faggot," Billy would say happily when he was
telling me about his latest night out, sucking on townie dick.
"Their friends are watching, so they have to be real macho."
* * *
There was a moon out, so I could see my way as I went
to the secluded path through the wooded part where Billy had told
me the action was. Soon I saw two guys, obviously townies, stand-
ing against the stone wall that went along one side of the path,
and a third guy, who looked like a college student, down on his
knees, giving head to one of them. I approached and saw that it
was Billy. He had said he was through for the night, but you
probably know how it is when you're a cocksucker.
The guy who was watching his friend get serviced looked
at me as I came closer. It didn't take him long to figure out I
was a cocksucker too. (I was dressed like a college student, and
any college student who was in that part of the park at that time
of night was looking for townie dick to suck). He took his meat
out of his pants and waved it at me.
"Suck it for me, faggot," he said. I got down on my
knees in front of him next to Billy, who looked at me, the other
guy's dick still in his mouth. His eyes widened when he saw it
was me.
"Enjoying yourself, cocksucker?" I asked as I took hold
of my guy's balls with one hand while I started to lick his hard-
ening dick. He shook his head yes and went back to work, his head
sliding long and easy on the bigger-than-average piece of meat in
front of him. He looked real happy, but a cocksucker on his knees
with a hot dick in his mouth usually is.
I got to work too and soon our heads were bobbing in
unison as we pleasured the two punks. As they each came, they
just tucked their meat back in their pants and walked away, leav-
ing me and Billy kneeling there, the last of their cum still
dribbling down our chins.
"Fuckin' faggots," one of them said as they moved out
of sight.
"How you doing?" I asked Billy.
"Pretty good. I see you decided to check out the park
and try some townie dick for a change."
"Yeh, why should you get it all?"
"I'm not the only cocksucker who comes here to get dick
from these guys, believe me. On Saturday nights there can be five
or six of us down on our knees giving head and a couple of dozen
townies waiting their turn to be serviced. It can be real hot.
Check it out sometime. It can be better than college cock."
"I will."
As we were talking, a couple of other guys came up to
us and pulled out their meat. A third joined us and waited while
we took care of the first two. Billy finished first and began on
the third guy. When my man gave me his load, I stayed on my knees
and watched Billy suck.
As I said, the straight-acting homos at school, like
Billy and me, tended to stay out of each others' way when we were
out getting dick. And although Billy and I were best friends and
we had sucked each other off a hundred times, I had never seen
him with anyone's dick in his mouth except mine.
Then Billy took the guy's penis out of his mouth and
offered it to me. Of course, Billy was my best friend, not just
another cocksucker. I took over and pretty soon we were switching
back and forth. While we were both working on it, me on one side,
Billy on the other, the guy suddenly shot his load between us.
* * *
As we were watching this guy cum, a cop who had obvi-
ously been watching us from the shadows suddenly appeared. The
guy we had been blowing ran off, tucking his meat back in his
pants as he went, but Billy and I were trapped. Anyway the cops
never arrested the punks, just the fags who serviced the punks.
The cop stood in front of us, his hands on his hips.
"Alright, faggots," he said, looking down on us, "let's go."
"Please, sir," said Billy, who seemed calm, "can't we
make a deal?"
"You fucking queers," he said. "We don't like cock-
suckers in this town, especially smart-ass college cocksuckers.
On your feet and let's go. Now."
I was too scared to move. My parents were going to have
a fit when they heard their darling son had been arrested for
giving blow jobs in the park. Like most straights they didn't
even know I was queer. But Billy stayed calm. He reached out and
gently touched the policeman's well-packed crotch.
"Please, sir," Billy said massaging his basket, "let me
suck your dick. I'm a real good cocksucker, sir, and so's my
friend here. We'll take good care of you. Please, sir."
"Suck on this, faggot," the cop said, shoving his night
stick in Billy's face. Billy didn't hesitate. He started sucking
on the end of the club, his head bobbing back and forth obedient-
ly. But he kept massaging the cop's basket, and the cop didn't
stop him. I could see his dick was getting hard. I figured I bet-
ter follow Billy's lead if I hoped to stay out of jail, so I un-
zipped the cop's fly, reached in and pulled out a beautiful piece
of semi-hard cop meat. I started sucking on it while Billy
watched.
After a minute or so, I let Billy take over the cop's
dick and I started licking his balls. I could tell the cop was
really getting off on having two cocksuckers service him at the
same time while I was really getting off sharing his manhood with
Billy.
"Fucking faggots," he said. "You like my meat, don't
you, queer boy?"
"Yes, sir," I said, as Billy continued sucking. "I sure
do, sir."
"Well, you tell your faggot friend to keep doing what
he's doing to it. His pussy mouth feels real good on my dick
right now."
Billy looked at me out of the corner of his eye and
winked. I went back to licking the cop's hairy balls and shifting
off with Billy every couple of minutes. Billy took his own dick
out and began to beat off slowly as he serviced the cop and I did
the same.
Finally the cop pulled his meat out of my mouth and
said, "OK, cocksuckers, here's your reward," as he stroked it. He
began shooting a huge wad all over our faces. Spurt after spurt
landed on Billy and me as we kneeled there together in the park,
jerking ourselves off and looking like a pair of hungry baby
robins, our mouths wide open while the cop fed us his spunk. When
the cop finally finished coming, he zipped up his pants and
adjusted his uniform.
"Lucky for you guys I was horny. Next time I may not be
so generous."
"Yes, sir," Billy said, "Thank you for letting us be
your cocksuckers, sir."
The cop went off, leaving Billy and me alone. I looked
at him and saw some of the cop's cum dripping down the end of his
nose. I leaned over and licked it off him and then cleaned up the
rest of his face with my tongue, and he did the same for me,
savoring every drop of the cop's load.
"Wow," Billy said when he had finished, "that was hot."
"Sure was. How did you know he'd let us suck him?"
"I've seen him getting a blow job here before, so I
figured that's what he was really after. Couldn't hurt, right? We
were already in deep shit if he meant it."
"You're right about that, man."
Billy looked thoughtful. "I asked you earlier," he
said, "if you were glad you were a cocksucker. After something
like this, I know I'm glad to be one, even though it has it's
inconveniences, so to speak."
"Me too, that's for fucking sure. I'm still hot."
"Well, I didn't come just now. Want to take care of me,
before we head back to school?"
"Sure, Billy," I said, "that would be great. Thanks.
I'd love to suck your dick."
Billy stood up, his meat still hanging out of his
pants. "Help yourself, faggot," he said, smiling down at me on my
knees in front of him, waving his dick in my face, just like
straight guys did when they taunted me.
Like Billy, I preferred sucking off straight guys
instead of other fags, but right then for some reason I was glad
it was Billy I was taking care of. Billy, who knew what it meant
to be a cocksucker, knew the humiliation of begging straight boys
to share their meat, knew the sexual power of their contempt for
guys like us, knew the joy of giving sexual service to them. Just
then I was glad it was Billy, not some straight guy who used me
for his pleasure while he made fun of me because I wanted him to
use me. I liked Billy a lot, and taking care of him was what I
wanted to do right then.
Like a lot of guys who are hung up on other guys'
dicks, Billy had big meat of his own and it quickly came to full
erection, seven and a half inches that curved smoothly upward. I
had always enjoyed taking care of him when he needed to pop a
load. Now I took his beautiful penis into my mouth once more and
began to worship it with long, smooth strokes while I fondled his
balls, just as I had been worshiping the cocks of the straight
guys.
And Billy's turned out to be the best dick I'd had all
night, not because it was the biggest--the guy in the library
john had been bigger--but because it really gave me what a cock-
sucker needs from another guy's meat, that sense of completeness,
sexual wholeness that guys like Billy and me only get from
sucking on another man's manhood.
I sucked contentedly for several minutes, giving Billy
the best blow job I knew how to give while I nourished myself
from his manhood. He leaned up against the wall making it easier
for me to service him, just as the punks had done, holding my
head gently in his hands.
Some of the guys we had sucked off earlier walked by.
"Hey," one of them said, "Look at that. The cocksuckers are doing
each other now."
"Hey, faggot," another said to Billy, "you switched or
something? You not a cocksucker any more like your friend?"
"Hell, no," Billy yelled back, "I'm still a cocksucker.
I'll always be a cocksucker. I'm fucking proud to be a
cocksucker, man. That's what I am."
The punks went off laughing about the two crazy homos.
But I didn't care any more than Billy did. As I knelt on the
pathway in the park, sucking my best friend's cock for him, get-
ting sexual pleasure for myself in the greatest way I knew how,
by using my mouth to give sexual pleasure to another man, I
realized that I was proud to be a cocksucker too.
After all these years, I'm still proud to be a cock-
sucker. Like Billy said, that's what I am.