Date: Sat, 11 Aug 2012 21:03:59 -0400
From: Adz Sampson <SwaggerJagger90@mail.com>
Subject: Young and Foolish

Some people get misconceptions of me. They think I'm scum. They think I'm a
cunt of the highest order. But I'm not. I like to think I'm misunderstood.
Yeah, I've been a twat, but seriously- who hasn't? And you can't exactly
lay the whole blame at my feet, I mean, yeah I take some responsibility for
my percieved arsehole nature, but who could hardly blame me when my whole
family make the guests on the Jeremy Kyle show look like virginal saints?
So, I've slept around alot. Big deal? I'm 21 years old, I have a dick and
my dick needs attention. So what if the person who I happen to get said
attention from has a girlfriend, or is married, or god forbid is a Priest.
I go where my dick wants me to, I don't particuarly care if the guy is
married because at the end of the day, if he's gonna be shagging me, he
obviously ain't getting no loving from elsewhere. It ain't my fault. I'm
just doing my service, people should be praising me not fucking condeming
me.

So let me introduce myself. My name is Jamie Knight and I'm unemployed.
Not by choice but because no fucker wants to be employ me. Apparently
having a petty criminal record is a major disadvantage in the world of
employment. I even got rejected from McDonalds. Well fuck them, they don't
know what they missing. I'm what you would call a Bisexual, but many others
would call greedy. Some people don't believe that bisexuals exsist. Well I
don't believe in God so whatever. I'm 80% gay though. I don't know why. I
was never a fairy child, I liked football and sports and was popular at
school. All the girls wanted to fuck me, and all the boys wanted to be
me. I was Mr Stud at school, I'd be dating Monica Chapman by day, and
fucking her older brother Scott up an alleyway at nighttime. I wasn't into
playing with Barbie dolls and god forbid anyone dared put makeup on me,
jesus christ, they wouldn't be alive to tell the story. My mum said she
never saw it coming, but then again she never saw alot of things coming. I
didnt' see it coming. One day I was tounging Sadie Morrison behind the
school shed, and the next thing I'm getting sucked off by my P.E teacher in
the shower. I spend most of my days with my boys, getting high and drunk
and trying to look for employment. Well that's what I tell the jobcentre
anyway, how the fuck they gonna find out anyway? Most of my friends are
cool with the Bi thing, and those that aern't wouldn't dare say anything
for fear of death by removal of cock.

I live at home with my mother Karen who is basically a drunken hot mess.
She could be the sweetest woman one minute, but the minute she gets a vodka
down her throat she's a completely different person. Mother Theresa by day,
Katie Price by day. Only much more common then Katie, and more likely to
steal your husband then Katie. My father is currently in prison. Yeah,
prison. He killed a man. The wanker. He's serving 20 years, but he might be
out soon. He might not. I don't care. The man's a tosser. He disowned me
when he found out I was gay, so I paid him back by fucking his boss in his
bed, recording it and sending it to everyone at his work. He punched me and
kicked me out. I didn't cry. Then he went a stabbed a man in the pub
because apparently he had been eyeing up my mother. Silly cunt. If only he
knew that it wasn't the man he stabbed, but his boyfriend who had been
fucking his wife. It would have sent him on a mindfuck. I have 2 sisters.
Lindsay is a bitch and we don't talk about her. She's pregnant with her 3rd
child and she's nearly 25. I don't really care about her. Her boyfriend's a
stud though, and if he ever gets bored of pussy he's got my number. My
other sister is Danielle, she's also a bitch but a bitch with a heart. She
would never sleep with your boyfriend, but she might steal a 20 from your
purse. She's not as big of a slag as me, Lindsay or her mother, but she's
steal had her fair share of men. And women. Jesus, we really are a fucked
up family. I have an older brother Graham who's sound as a pound. He has
some really fit mates and he always gets the best weed. His married though
and his wife is a total Christian bitch who says I'm sinning by sucking
cock. Well fuck her, she doesn't know that her husband is fucking her
younger sister AND his recepionist at work. I would aswell, she's a right
uptight cunt. I also have a younger brother Darren who's going through a
crisis at the moment. By crisis I mean, he's 14 and he doesn't know whether
girls are still icky or not. Fuck that. By 14 I was drinking Vodka in the
park and having threesomes. Like I said, my families a mess. But we all
kinda like each other. I suppose. Family events are always funny. Someone
always ends up puking, or being arrested, or cheating. Or all three if the
parties a really good one.

 But less about my family. As dysfuncatial as they are. I love them. I
think.

 -

 Today's a shit day. I have no weed, my best mate Harley as fucked off for
the day because his girlfriend is pregnant and his having a major freakout
with his mother and everyone else is either at work, or still in bed. It's
10.30am and I'm gasping for some weed, or just a fucking cigarette. But I'm
skint and my mother's hid her fags because apparently she's fed up with me
stealing them. Like I ever would. Maybe I should look for some cock to
suck, might cause a bit of time to kill. But looking through my phone, I
get bored just looking at the names. Paul, his married. Shane, too small of
a cock. It's all so boring. I decide to do the next best thing and wank. At
least, I'm about too until my slut of a sister Danielle barges in and moans
that I'm playing my music too loud. The bitch. Thats my erection gone and I
can't be arsed to get it back.

 I end up at my brother's flat. His pleased to see me, hoping that I have
the tenner I owe him. I don't. But I tell him I'll steal it from mother
later or something which he's cool with. We smoke some weed, he tells me
his thinking off leaving his wife because she's pissing him off, but says
he will really miss her blowjobs. Apparently uptight christian girls give
the best blowjobs. Go figure. He leaves at 11 to go to work. Lucky
bastard. I'd hate to work, but I need the money and quite frankly I need to
do something with my life. I go into his room and have a look through his
room. I find his porn under the bed which he has hidden from his wife. But
it doesn't interest me. Asian Fanny Fun? What the fuck, and I find a stash
of weed in his drawer. Score. I pocket that. He shouldn't leave it laying
around, the fucker. I also find a wad of notes, but I don't steal them. I
just take a 20 and hope he doesn't find out. I'm about to leave when the
door opens and closes. Fuck, he's probably forgotten something. I seriously
think about putting the weed down, but instead I just breeze out the room
like I own the place. Yeah, I'm hard me. But it isn't Graham, it's his god
awful wife. Ugh. I want to punch her and she hasn't even spoke.

 "What are you doing here Jamie?" shes asks with a smile but I really know
she is fuming and is planning my murder as she speaks.

 "Fuck off" I polietly answer and leave the house, only to walk into a
wall. Only, it's not a wall, it's just a well built guy. Who turns out to a
police officer.

 "Jamie Knight" the copper says and fuck I remember him. He was the first
person to ever arrest me., back when I was 14. Apparently smashing Andy
Robinson's window was a big mistake. But then so was Andy Robinson's wife
accusing me of fucking her husband. Bitch. I only sucked him off, she
needed to get her facts right. Only, he was a fat piece of shit back
then.. and now, well he's massive but in a completely different way. Like,
he doesn't do anything else except sit in the gym, flexing his muscles. He
looks good "You have grown" he states, like a knob.

 "And your no longer a fat wanker" I say, which in retrospect is probably
not the wiset thing to say to a man of the law. "How you doing Phillip, or
can I not call you that when your on duty?"

 "Phillip is fine. You keeping out of trouble, boy?" he asks. Jesus. The
way he says boy gets my cock from flacid to semi in a second. Jesus, I
really should have had that wank earlier.

 "I always keep out of trouble Phillip" I grin "I'm a very good boy"

 "Good" he replies, still like a knob. But a fit knob. So he gets away with
being boring.

 I decide to up the anti. Phillip is a staight dude, but it always fun to
mess around with them.

 "Actually, I have some drugs in my pocket. You should totally frisk me" I
flirt

 Only, he's not freaked out like I thought he would be. Quite the opposite.

 "That can be arranged. Only, You'd have to naked for me to do a proper
frisk"

 I'm lost for words for a monent, which is a fucking rarity for me, but
then I reply back because obviously I'm too cool for school.

 "Only if your naked whilst frisking me. Equal oppourtunies criminal, me,
you see" I smirk and pull out a cigarette that I'd pinched from Darren
earlier. I stick it my mouth. "You got a light, you'd only have to touch it
and it'd light up, cos your hot as hell"

 He smiles. "I don't smoke Jamie" he says casually "The only thing I smoke
is cock".

 Which is how I ended up sucking a police officer who was on duty in the
back of his car.

 * - *

 Give me some feedback! I know there was no sex in this chapter, but it was
just introducing things. Let me know how you like my story by emailing me
at swaggerjagger90@mail.com!