Date: Sun, 18 Dec 2011 09:07:48 -0800
From: h.schreiber@hushmail.com
Subject: A Christmas Wish, sequel by Hans Schreiber

	Warning! This is a work of fiction written by a legal age
adult. Any similarity between the fictional characters and any live persons
is purely coincidental. This story contains fictional descriptions of
sexual activity between consenting minor youth. If you are under the age of
18, and/or if you are offended by this content, and/or if it is illegal in
your jurisdiction to possess or read such material, please leave now and do
not read this story as neither the internet host nor the author can be
responsible for your actions. Please, always practice safe sex; no
momentary thrill is worth your life.

	This work is copyrighted (c) by Hans Schreiber. You may not
reproduce this story in whole or in part without the express written
consent of Hans Schreiber at h.schreiber@hushmail.com.

	Special thanks to my editors, Flip and Pablo for their valuable
assistance in making this story so much better.

	This story is written in two parts. The first three chapters were
written last year at Christmastime and this is the sequel. If you have not
read the first three chapters, I recommend that you do. If you have, I
still suggest reading them again to refresh your memory. This part of the
story can be read and enjoyed separately, but you will find it much more
enjoyable by reading the entire work.

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	Joey's hands were as cold as the tits of a sixty year old Siberian
Nun at Christmas. The temperature had dipped quickly along with the setting
sun as it tends to do in the high desert in the wintertime. Joey had just
finished washing the desert dust off his beat-up, faded, white Corolla and
rolled up the garden hose. He put the sponge and bucket away in the
garage. He climbed in the car and started the motor while he listened to
some tunes on his system. It was a way nice system for such an old car. The
speakers he'd gotten from Pete's family last Christmas were amazing in the
small car. He'd upgraded his head unit in the dash and added a small amp,
and it all added up to a nice, clear sound even at high decibels.

	Joey listened to the top hits station for a while but then switched
it over to the station playing Christmas songs all day, every day. He
listened and even sang along to a few until "All I Want for Christmas" came
on. That one was just too painful to listen to and he punched it off. The
lightened mood he was beginning to feel was immediately killed. His
thoughts turned again to the anniversary of Pete's death. Tomorrow marked
one full year since his best friend and one night lover passed from this
life.
	Joey held his fingers up to the warm air vents for a while longer,
sitting in silence just thinking about Pete. He remembered how hard it was
being at the funeral. Pete had been so worried about dying and everyone
seeing him in the casket with no hair. For some reason, the idea of that
had really bothered him, and Joey was pleased to see that his family buried
him wearing the purple and gold Lakers cap that Joey gave him for his last
birthday present. He'd loved it and wore it practically all the time even
lying in bed sometimes. The year before Pete's death had been hard. There
were times that Pete was so sick, he would be angry at the world and lash
out at Joey for no reason. Joey always understood it was the cancer talking
and never took offense. He'd been the only friend to hang in there for
Pete. Over time, all the other kids from school drifted off. Joey was happy
he never quit on him. But, how could he? He was his best friend. In fact,
after their last night together, he realized he loved him.
	Life seemed unbearable since Pete's death, almost
meaningless. Lately, Joey was just going through the motions more or less
without any real joy. Even Christmas, a time Joey used to love, had been
spoiled by Pete's death. He was so thankful that he had agreed to Pete's
plan for a last Christmas wish. Pete knew his time was short, especially
after he was visited by his Grandpa Eddie one night. Joey half wondered if
it had only been a dream or delirium from the illness and maybe Pete let it
take the fight out of him. But there was no question that Pete believed it
had been real and that his wonderful grandpa had actually visited him in
his room. Joey remembered Grandpa Eddie. He'd gone with Pete to his
grandpa's horse ranch a few times to visit and the old man was so kind and
seemed to be able to read thoughts. He just made you feel good to be around
him.

	A random memory was triggered back when he and Pete were like
twelve years old, of watching one of the studs mount a mare and start
humping her. It was crazy to watch but sort of uncomfortable to see it
happening, and he popped a boner in his shorts with Pete and his grandpa
right there. Sensing his and Pete's embarrassment, Grandpa Eddie put his
arms around their shoulders and said, "Isn't the power to create life a
magnificent thing? You boys have that power too, and it's a natural and
special gift. It's a lot of fun, too. Don't abuse the power and be careful
about how you share it. But don't ever be embarrassed of it; God gave it to
us to enjoy and make our lives more joyful and happy, especially when it's
shared with someone you truly love. When you share it with someone you
love, it creates an unbreakable bond."

	Joey had only shared it with one person in his young life and
Grandpa Eddie was so right about it creating an unbreakable bond. The
problem was that Joey had shared it with Pete on the last night of his life
and now Pete was gone and Joey was left behind. It was so unfair. The anger
welled up inside him and Joey punched the roof of his little Corolla
screaming out, "WHY?" He laid his head back against the headrest and rubbed
his knuckles. He shut the car off and walked inside, shutting the door
unnecessarily hard behind him. Sadness overwhelmed him and tears stung at
the corners of his eyes. He wouldn't actually cry. He just got to the verge
and then stayed on the edge of doing so for hours at a time. If he could
cry, maybe he could cry it out, but he just stayed on the edge almost as if
he was perpetually masturbating but never reaching the satisfaction of a
good cum. Right now, he could use both a good cum and a good cry, but both
would have to wait.

	"Dinner is in ten minutes, Joey. Go wash up," his mother said. Joey
grunted an acknowledgment and walked to the bathroom. He kicked the door
closed with the back of his foot as he walked in and lifted the toilet
seat. Joey fished his dick out of his fly and held it as the dark yellow
stream of urine found its way out. Holding his penis reminded him of being
held by Pete on that special night. He could almost feel his best friend's
hand gripping it again. He would never ever forget how it felt for the
first time another human held his most private body part.

	He remembered the moment of climax as he experienced a mind numbing
orgasm and blew his load into Pete's suckling mouth as his penetrated anus
clenched tightly on the vibrator. Joey was halfway hard by the end of the
piss, and he was glad when he finished, so he could take the pressure off
it and let it spring fully upward. He left it hanging out while he washed
his hands for dinner. He splashed some water on his face and maneuvered his
erection back into the confines of his boxers and jeans. "So damn unfair,"
he muttered.

	Joey plopped down hard in the kitchen chair and pulled his cap off,
setting it next to his plate. No hats at the dinner table were allowed. His
mom was a stickler for manners and Joey had learned plenty. He was
genuinely kind and caring and very polite. Basically, he was a parent's
dream. He rarely made trouble and got good grades. He was reasonably
athletic and a hard worker. In spite of all that, he had his parents very
worried. The obvious depression he'd been experiencing for a year now was
getting worse instead of better. Whenever they tried to discuss it, Joey
would either ignore them or actually lash out. There had been several tense
exchanges that ended in Joey heaping self loathing, over how he treated his
parents, onto his already steaming shit pile of sadness and anger.

	He wasn't hungry and even the temptation of his mom's famous
spaghetti with sausage meatballs didn't snap his mood. He pushed a meatball
around his plate for a while until his mother said, "Scott's coming home
tomorrow. Isn't that exciting?"

	"Yeah, sure."

	"Well, I'm excited even if you're not," she whined.

	"Joey," his father began, "you could stand to show a little
excitement over your brother's homecoming. He's been gone to school nearly
five months. You should be excited to see your own brother."

	"I said yeah."

	"Well you could stand to put a little enthusiasm into it," his dad
said.

	"Yay, Great, Woo-hoo!"

	Joey's father's shoulders drooped, and he shook his head in
disappointment at Joey's sarcasm. "Enough is enough. You've been moping
around for a whole year over Pete's death. It's time you got over it and
started living your own life again. You're more wrapped up in a dead friend
than you are about seeing your own brother. It's not right."

	"Do we have to talk about this now?"

	"You never want to talk about it. I'm not putting it off any
longer. You need to go see that shrink, the one that Bob at work told me
about. You have to sort this thing out," his dad firmly stated.

	"No."

	"Yes."

	"No!" Joey emphasized. "Look, just let me get past the anniversary
of Pete's death and past Christmas. I promise I'll try harder to get over
it next year."

	"That's another thing," his dad complained, "You've practically
ruined Christmas for us. It's impossible to have any Christmas spirit when
you're moping around half the time and won't even give us any idea of what
you want for Christmas."

	"What I want for Christmas you can't give me. Nobody can, all
right?"

	"Joey, no one can bring Pete back," Joey's mom said sweetly, "He's
gone. He's gone forever and I understand you were close to him and it was
hard for you, but you have your own life to live. You have to get over it
and move on. So c'mon, think of a Christmas wish, one little thing you want
that could make you happy."

	"I wish ... I wish I was dead. I wish I could just die and be with
Pete again. Wrap that up and stick it under the damn Christmas tree." Joey
pushed away from the table as his mother burst into tears. Joey grabbed his
hat and rushed out the door. He wiped the tears from his eyes and fumbled
with the key to his Corolla. He pulled out and then burned off down the
street, leaving his frustrated and angry father behind, standing in the
middle of the street waving his arms angrily.

	For a while, he just drove around aimlessly, having no clear
destination in mind. He was fuming inside. He wasn't really angry at his
mom or dad, he was angrier at himself for how he'd just behaved. It was
like he couldn't control his recurring rage over Pete's death and it just
boiled out of him sometimes. Suddenly, he found himself at the funeral
parlor on the other side of town. He pulled into the empty parking lot and
shut off his engine and lights. He could hear the music from Pete's funeral
in his head, hymns of praise to God. That made him angrier still. How could
anyone praise a God who let someone as kind and wonderful and caring as
Pete suffer so much and then die so young? He remembered the pastor's
sermon and talk about life after death - how spirits live on. Of course,
everyone tried to take comfort in the idea that Pete was such a wonderful
kid, that he was surely in heaven.

	Over the past year when things had gotten really bad, Joey had
toyed with the idea of suicide. One thing that kept Joey from committing
the act was hearing someone say that if you killed yourself, you
automatically went to hell. That would mean he'd never see Pete ever again
if the whole heaven and hell thing was true. Joey really didn't have a
religious background and didn't know what to make of heaven or hell. He
wasn't sure about the whole spiritual thing and life after death. He hoped
Pete was in heaven, he deserved to be there if one existed. He feared that
more likely, Pete was just rotting away in the cemetery. Joey remembered
loading the cherry wood casket into the back of the shiny, black
hearse. One just like it was parked behind the mortuary and the sight of it
bothered Joey. He wondered to himself what kind of person becomes a
mortician. He wondered if they grow up fascinated with dead things. He
thought about how there were probably a bunch of dead bodies in the
building waiting to be buried and that sent a creepy chill through him.

	He traveled from the mortuary to the cemetery. He'd visited there
many times in the past year. He parked outside the gate since it was closed
for the evening. He climbed the rock wall and took the familiar path to
where Pete's body lay decaying beneath a large oak tree. When he got to the
spot, he took his shoes and socks off and then sat on the Morales' grey
headstone. Julio and Maria Morales had lived into their eighties and raised
five children, all of whose names were memorialized in the granite
monument. They were buried at the foot of Pete's grave and their headstone
now served as a comfortable spot to sit while he talked to Pete. Pete's
stone, facing Joey, was a polished brown marble with the dates of his birth
and premature death carved into it. A picture of a basketball and a hoop
were on it, Pete's favorite sport and second greatest passion.

	Joey thought Pete's parents had chosen the best spot in the whole
cemetery for Pete's grave. It was next to a row of large oak trees. A
perfect sitting branch hung over the polished headstone. Pete loved to
climb trees. They had spent many hours sitting on the branch of a tree
talking about their dreams and plans. They discussed everything together
such as what they wanted for Christmas or which girls had the most
cooties. Later, as they got older, they discussed which NBA team they
wanted to play for and which girls they wanted to try and get cooties
from. As was his custom, when he visited Pete's grave, Joey wiggled his
toes in the cool grass covering Pete's resting place. "I took my shoes off
for you. I can almost feel the coffin lid lifting up from your boner. I
miss you, Pete."

	It took a while for Joey to compose himself before he could go
on. "Pete, I don't know what to do. I just miss you and I can't get over
it. I'm not sure I really want to. I try not to act way sad all the time so
my parents won't worry about me, but I just can't help it. I wish Grandpa
Eddie could put his arm around me and explain it all. I hope you're in
heaven if there is one. I wish I could be there with you. My mom asked me
what I wished for this Christmas. I told her I just wanted to be with
you. It really is my Christmas wish. I just want to be with you and hear
your voice again, to feel your touch again. I want to tell you in person
how much I love you. I love you Pete, with all my heart. I can never love
anyone ever again like I loved you. I didn't even realize how much I loved
you until we shared that night together and then after I lost you, I just
..." Joey sighed and put his face in his hands and tried to cry. But the
tears wouldn't flow, just the ache of a broken heart and the burning anger
raged inside.

	Joey was bathed in moonlight by the time he put his shoes back on
and climbed the wall. He drove home with the radio tuned to a classical
music station. It was about the only thing that soothed him. When he got
home, he was met at the door by his mom and dad, who had been frantically
worried about him. His mom hugged him and burst into tears. His father was
angry for what he'd put his mom through and started yelling at him for his
inconsiderate words and actions. Joey took it for a while then brushed his
mother aside and stormed off to his room. His father followed and banged on
the locked door. Joey lay on his bed staring at the ceiling wishing he
could die. He groaned as his father forced his way into the room with a
screw driver.

	Joey only half listened to his father's tirade and refused to get
drawn into the argument. After asking for the fourth time what Joey had to
say for himself, while his mother cried in the background begging for his
father to stop and just leave it be, his father erupted, "Dammit! I mean
it. Next week you're going to the shrink, like it or not." He stormed
out. Joey's mom looked on for a minute longer and then retreated along with
her husband.

	Joey just sat there for the longest time staring at the
wall. Finally, he got up, closed and locked his door. He stuck a chair back
under the doorknob for additional security and went to his closet. He
opened the footlocker in the corner of the closet and dug down past his
scrapbooks, past his old baseball mitt and past the plaques and awards from
school. In the bottom was the box. He'd kept it there for just such a
time. He was in need, and he was ready to use it. He hoped his mother
wouldn't discover him, he didn't care if his dad did or not.

	He set the box on his dresser and stripped naked. He pulled out the
manila envelopes and the white negligee. He slipped it on and took the
bottle of lube and the vibrator out. He lay on his bed and poured some lube
onto the vibrator and then twisted the end cap to start the soft buzzing
sound. He slowly slid it into himself and drew it back and forth over the
spot. With his other hand, he wrapped it around his pillow, pulling it
against his body while he jacked himself slow and gentle. With his eyes
closed, he imagined it was Pete's body pressed up against his as he relived
that miraculous moment they shared together when Pete used the vibrator to
drive him into wild euphoria while sucking him off.

	Joey murmured Pete's name as the erotic feelings built to a
crescendo. Soon the vibrations within his rectum had it pulsating and
twisting in knots. "Fuck me, fuck me Pete. Fuck me again like you fucked me
before. All I ever want is you, Pete. Cum for me Pete, cum for me now."

	Joey quivered and shook in the power of his fantasy driven
orgasm. Thick sprays of hot sperm spread over his naked chest. In
anticipation of the explosion, he had lifted the negligee up to his neck
and the fur lining was tickling him under the chin. Joey pulled the
vibrator from his ass and sniffed it. Setting it aside, he took the
washcloth he'd left at the ready by the headboard and wiped up with it. He
pulled the pillow to his face and kissed it. "Happy anniversary, Pete. All
I'll ever want for Christmas is you." The afterglow was replaced with the
impending dreaded realization that he could never have the only thing he
wanted for Christmas. No one, not Santa, not his parents and not even the
Christ Child could bring him what he wanted.

	Joey had just returned all the items back to the box when his
father knocked on the door again. Joey ignored it. He hid the box in the
large chest just as his father was trying to push his way in. "Move
whatever's blocking the door and let me in," he demanded.

	"Go away. I don't want to talk."

	"No. Let me in, now."

	Joey sighed and walked over and pulled the chair away as his father
pushed his way into the room. It always felt like a violation of his only
sanctuary in the house when his father insisted on coming into his room. It
stole what precious little ownership of some space on earth that he had for
his own. "What now?"

	"Why are you naked?"

	"Because, I want to be. I was alone in my room until you barged in,
so if you don't want to see me naked, don't invade my privacy."

	Joey could see the forced restraint in his father's face. "I just
came in to apologize. I'm not backing off the shrink thing, but your mom
thought I was too harsh and I should understand how hard it is for you
right now being ... well, you know, being that time of year when it all
happened. I'll hold off until the New Year, but then you're going. Is that
all right?"

	"Dad, I'm sorry too. I don't want to feel and act like this. I
can't help it. A shrink's not going to help. I ... I just need to ..." Joey
stopped short of telling him what he really felt, what he feared, what he
desperately wanted. "I'll go see the shrink next year if it'll make you and
mom happy, okay?"

	"Okay son. That's all I'm asking."

	"But you'll lay off me until then?"

	"Yes. I won't say another word. I promise."

	"Thanks." A hug would have been appropriate, but given Joey's state
of dress, neither of them wanted to attempt it. Finally, his dad thrust an
awkward hand out and Joey shook it. His father turned and left. Joey put a
pair of boxers on and crawled in bed. Somehow, Joey sensed he'd never make
it to visit the shrink.

	It was already light outside when Joey woke up. He just lay in bed
for a while wishing he could drift back into the peaceful bliss of
sleep. It wasn't going to happen though and he knew he had to get up and
face the day. Of all the days he'd wished he could just sleep through, this
was it. Finally, his full bladder forced him to slide out and sit up. He
brushed his long hair out of his eyes and looked at the picture on his
dresser of him and Pete. Pete's broad, cheerful smile mocked him. Joey
stood up and lifted the framed picture to eye level and stared into Pete's
sparkling eyes. They were so full of life and hope. He missed him so
much. Joey's bladder demanded relief, so he set the picture back down and
trotted to the bathroom.

	After his lengthy piss, Joey returned to his bedroom and lay back
on the bed with his hands tucked under his neck, staring at the
ceiling. The first day of Christmas break should have been exciting, but it
just meant that he wouldn't have the diversion of school to keep his mind
off Pete. He still had his part time job at the Pizza Man restaurant to
keep him busy. Memories flooded his mind. He tried to dwell on the good
ones. He got an idea and jumped out of bed, pulled on some pants and a
shirt, and slipped into rainbow sandals. He loved the feel of the soft tan
leather on his feet. His mom greeted him and offered to make him
breakfast. "No, thanks, I'll just have cereal. I got some things I want to
do this morning. He poured a heaping bowl of Cap'n Crunch Peanut Butter
cereal into a bowl and inhaled it.

	"Remember, your brother should be home around noon. You'll be home
for that won't you?" Mom asked. She had a way of asking questions that
weren't really questions. They were more of expectations stated in the form
of a question like "You weren't planning on leaving those clothes on the
floor, right?"

	"I should be back by then."

	"Should be?"

	"I will be back by then. That better?" That made her smile.

	"Much better. Bye."

	Joey drove the short distance to the grade school where he and Pete
had attended. The gate was open and a few cars were in the lot. He assumed
some teachers were there finishing up things for the Christmas break. He
wandered onto the playground and remembered playing tag and
tetherball. Pete was tetherball champion and if you ever beat him it was
good for some major bragging rights back in class. He had a knack for
timing his hits on the ball just right as it swung through his space. He'd
moved in during the first week of fourth grade and joined Mrs. Mackay's
class. They'd become instant friends and almost inseparable.

	Joey sat on a swing and stared up at the top rail where the chains
to the swings were attached. It looked so much lower than he remembered it
as a young boy. A phantom pain shot through his nuts. He remembered walking
across the bar on a dare and slipping. The sudden, shocking pain of
cracking his tiny peanuts on the silver metal bar had left him stunned and
the other kids said he did a sort of slow motion roll to the side and
dropped to the ground. He'd landed on his left arm and snapped the bone
between the wrist and elbow. It had been a compound fracture and just
before slipping into shock, his mind logged an image of the bloody bone
poking out of the skin and the sounds of girls screaming. He didn't
remember the ambulance ride or anything else until he woke up in the
hospital looking into the worried face of his mother.

	Pete had warned him against it. He told him it was stupid to do
things just because someone dared you to. As usual, he was right. It had
taken a long time for the break to heal and there was still a lump and a
scar where the bone had ripped through the skin. Joey remembered how he
wanted to try and cross the bar again but never got up the courage. He
looked around and found himself alone. He leaned back and tugged on the
chains, then kicked his feet backward and swung. He hadn't been on a swing
for a long time. He enjoyed the small thrill of reaching the pinnacle of
the arc and experiencing the momentary weightlessness before descending. He
swung freely for a bit then launched himself forward landing on his feet
and running a few steps to get his balance. How he loved jumping from a
swing and how often he and Pete had tried to best each other on how far
they could jump.

	Joey walked to the A-frame support and shimmied up the metal
pole. He straddled the cross bar and then got first to his knees and then
to his feet. He began walking like on a tightrope across the bar. Two steps
into it, he reached the fateful spot where he had fallen. He wavered a bit
then pressed on. At three quarters of the way, he nearly lost balance, but
he regained it and quick stepped to the end where he jumped down and did an
impact roll onto his back. He laid there in the rubber mulch and smiled
pleasantly up at the bar he'd just conquered. "Did you see that Pete?" He
asked out loud. "I made it."

	He got up and brushed himself off and heard a noise behind him. It
was Mrs. Mackay clucking her tongue "Tsk, tsk tsk. Joey are you trying to
break your arm again?"

	Joey wheeled around and smiled. "Hi, Mrs. Mackay. So you remember
me?"

	"You are one student I'll never forget. You scared the life out of
me that day you broke your arm and then went into shock. It was the
scariest day of my entire teaching career. What brings you here today? I
hope you didn't come just to conquer that little stunt you just pulled."

	"No, actually I just kind of did that on the spur of the
moment. The real reason I came over was to reminisce about times I spent
with my best friend, Pete. It's the first anniversary of his death." Even
as Joey said it, the sadness overtook him again, and he had to look away to
wipe his eyes.

	"Oh, I'm so sorry. I heard about Pete's death. That is so
unfortunate. He was such a wonderful, sweet boy. I remember you two were
very close. We never know when our time will come. We need to appreciate
each day we have."

	"I guess."

	"Well, I'm afraid I need to lock the gate."

	"Oh, all right. I'm ready to go now anyway."

	Mrs. Mackay laid a gentle hand on Joey's shoulder and said, "I'm
sorry for the loss of your friend."

	Joey just nodded, fighting back tears and gave the kind teacher the
best smile of appreciation he could muster up. "Thanks," he mumbled and
headed toward the gate. He'd only driven around the corner when he made
another stop. This time it was at the neighborhood market. He went in and
straight back to the bakery department. Joey walked slowly past the glass
case and then pointed to the two cookies he wanted. Both were sugar
cookies. One was shaped like a candy cane and had red and white colored
sugary sparkles on it and the other was in the shape of a bell adorned with
green and red crystals. He took the white sack from the clerk and bought a
chocolate milk to go with them. He went out and sat on the bench in front
of the store like he and Pete had done so many times.

	When Pete was visiting his house, they would often walk home
together and stop at this store for a treat. Joey savored the subtle
sweetness and rough texture of the cookies on his tongue. He loved the
feeling of the cold, wet smoothness of the chocolate milk washing over his
taste buds and chasing the cookie crumbs down his throat. Two things Pete
loved were chocolate milk and ketchup. Joey swore that Pete would happily
put ketchup on ice cream if it was available.

	Joey drove over to the junior high and walked around the fenced
perimeter. He stopped and stared at the gym. He recalled dressing out in
his gym clothes next to Pete and wondering to himself what his buddy's
penis looked like. He remembered the day Pete had pulled him aside by the
gym and told him, almost breathlessly, that he'd started growing some hairs
above his dick. Joey felt a little bad how he'd stolen the moment by
bragging about having a small bush of hair down there. Joey remembered
purposely standing next to Pete at the urinals in the gym where there
weren't any partitions in between and sneaking glances at Pete's dick while
he peed. All he could really tell was that it was pretty much the same size
as his and they were both circumcised.

	Joey and Pete didn't talk much about their personal sexual
discoveries after that, not even the magical time as they progressed from
dry orgasms to spurting out watery cum. It would have been so easy back
then as their hormones directed their thoughts and conversations more and
more toward sexual stuff to suggest becoming jack off buds as Joey's
brother, Scott, assumed they were. That was just lost opportunity now,
watery cum under the bridge so to speak. It seemed odd now to Joey that
they hadn't found the courage to bring it up since they'd shared pretty
much every other intimate detail of their lives and feelings with each
other.

	The final stop was the high school. Joey parked outside the gym and
thought about how excited they had been to make the JV basketball team
instead of just the freshman team in their first year. It was even more
exciting to play on the Varsity team as Juniors until Pete got too sick and
had to quit. Pete seemed to miss more school than he attended that
year. Joey remembered slogging from class to class to pick up Pete's make
up work. Joey marveled at Pete's bravery to try and attend school between
chemo treatments with no hair and little strength. People looked at him
weird and avoided him from personal embarrassment. Some assholes were even
openly cruel to him.

	Joey didn't hang around the high school very long. There were too
few good memories there and way too many sad ones. Looking at his phone, he
realized he needed to get home before his brother arrived, so he wouldn't
disappoint his mom. Joey and Scott had never been very close even though
they were only a little over two years and one grade apart. Scott had
repeated seventh grade, where he discovered girls, booze and pot. The two
of them were courteous to each other and didn't fight all that much, but
they weren't the friends they could have been. Scott was just so much
different from Joey. Scott is the kind of person who does just enough to
get by. He never put any effort into school or sports or anything else for
that matter. He'd gotten into a junior college that took almost anyone and
still had no clear direction about what he intended to do with his life.

	Joey, on the other hand, always threw himself wholeheartedly into
everything he undertook. He had no interest in the party lifestyle that
Scott loved and basically lived for. Scott invited Joey to come along to
some of the parties, but soon quit trying when Joey turned him down over
and over again. The few Joey had attended just annoyed him at the stupid
behavior of his brother and his friends. Joey only got drunk twice and it
made him hopelessly sick. The loose, slutty girls that attended the parties
disgusted Joey.

	Joey got back home before Scott. He lay on his bed and stared at
the clock wishing it would be time to go to work, so he could have a
diversion for his thoughts. He worried that Christmas break was going to be
hell. An hour later, Scott pulled in to shouts of joy from his mother.

	Joey sighed and got up to go meet him. He arrived at the front door
to find Scott pressed in his mom's embrace. Two large plastic trash bags
flanked Scott on the floor. "Geez, mom, don't squeeze my guts out," Scott
said.

	Their mom let go of Scott and clasped her breast, "It's just so
good to have my boy home again. I've missed you so much."

	"Yeah, I missed you too. It's nice to be home for a while."

	Their dad pulled Scott into a short embrace and asked, "So how you
doing in school?"

	"You know, okay, I guess," Scott answered noncommittally.

	It being Joey's turn to greet his brother, he stepped forward and
stuck his fist out. "Welcome home, dude."

	"Thanks," Scott said bumping knuckles. "Mind helping me unload?"

	"Umm, sure." Joey headed out the door thankful to avoid any more
uncomfortable expectations of enthusiasm over Scott's return. There were
five trash bags full of dirty clothes. When Joey dropped the last one on
Scott's bedroom floor, he asked, "If all your clothes are in these bags,
what's in the suitcases?"

	"Hah, nothing. That's just to take it all back in after mom washes
it for me. I haven't done laundry in over a month."

	"Not even underwear?"

	"Nah. I just rinse them out or go commando." Scott smirked.  "I did
break down and buy a couple packages of boxers, though."

	"Glad you're home."

	"Thanks."

	"So I'll catch you later then, I guess," Joey said.

	"Yeah, okay."

	"Yeah." Joey backed awkwardly out the bedroom door and went back to
his room. He lay back down on his bed and closed his eyes. He tried to draw
out some happy brotherhood memories, but there were precious few he could
muster up. There were the noogies and wedgies he'd gotten from Scott when
they were younger and the times he'd tagged along as the younger
brother. But as hard as he tried, except for supplying him with porn mags
and helping him out with a ride now and then, there were no wonderful
memories to conjure up. So when Scott walked into his room, Joey was
genuinely shocked.

	"Hey bro, you want to go over to the park and shoot some hoops or
something?" Scott asked.

	Joey looked up and said, "I don't know. Maybe later."

	"Aww, c'mon let's go. I'm bored. What else you got to do?"

	Joey shrugged, "All right. I guess." He got up and changed into
some shorts and laced on his basketball shoes. He hadn't worn them for
quite a while and they cramped his toes a bit. They rode over in Scott's
Tundra in silence. They played one on one and as used to be the case, Joey
cleaned up on Scott who was only mildly athletic. After two games where
Joey won by double digits, they switched to playing HORSE. That game made
the lack of conversation too obvious and they forced some chit chat.

	"So how's college?"

	"F'n awesome.  It's party central, dude and no curfews or parents
ragging on you about it."

	"Wow. Sounds great." Joey lied. It sounded pathetic.

	"So how you doing? You been scoring a lot?" Scott asked.

	"I thought mom or dad would have told you. I didn't go out for the
team this year."

	Scott laughed. "Yeah, they told me that. I meant are you scoring
with the chicks. I figured since you weren't playing ball, you must be
spending your time balling. What happened with that chick you fucked for
the first time last Christmas? You never told me about it. You still
boinking her?"

	Joey sunk a shot from the foul line and tossed the ball to Scott to
match the shot. "No, I'm not. I'm not having sex."

	"What about that hottie who invited you to backwards dance last
spring. Surely, you fucked her."

	Joey hadn't thought about that for a long time. Audrey, one of the
cheerleaders, had been flirting with him relentlessly. He avoided her as
much as possible. She'd been the one who had peeked in his bags at the mall
the day he bought the surprise for Pete.

	For backwards dance, where girls ask the guys, she'd arranged to
get into his room. When Joey got home from work there were yellow posters
with bricks drawn on them and petite footprints on them leading to his
room. When he walked into his room, there was a cutout of Dorothy holding
Toto with a note on it that said, "Don't be a cowardly lion. Have a heart,
Tin Man, and come to the Emerald City dance with me?"

	He remembered his mom following him into his room looking all silly
like a young girl. His mom scolded him when he said he didn't want to
go. She forced him to accept and go. It was a miserable experience and
after he didn't even give her a kiss at the doorstep, she stopped bugging
him, so it served one good purpose. "No," Joey answered, "I didn't fuck
her. I haven't fucked any girls. I didn't even fuck one at Christmas. You
just assumed I was going to."

	"Shit. No wonder you're all depressed. You need some tail. Big
brother will hook you up while I'm home. I promised mom I'd try and help
you out. A good fuck will cheer you up."

	Joey chuckled. "So that's what this is all about. I wondered what
got into you with inviting me to come over here. I don't need your help,
dude. I'm not interested in boinking the sluts you hang out with."

	Scott missed the foul shot and earned his E, spelling Horse, so
they walked over to the bench and sat down beside the court. "So mom says
you're still all depressed about your dead friend."

	"Yeah, sort of."

	"That's kind of weird. I mean it's not like losing someone you love
or part of your family. He was just a buddy."

	"You don't know shit. He was more than just any friend." Joey
thought how much worse it was than losing family. Losing someone you loved
as a lover was way worse than losing regular family. "We were closer
friends than you think. I guess that's hard for you to understand since you
only have shallow friendships based on getting high together. Don't take
this wrong, but he was more like a brother to me than you are."

	"Ouch."

	"Let's face it, we're not all that close. We're pretty
different. If we weren't brothers, we wouldn't choose to hang out
together."

	"True. Still, it's been a fucking year. How long can you stay
bummed out over it? Why can't you just get over it?"

	"If I tell you something, will you keep it between us?"

	"Sure."

	"I really need to tell someone and I don't have anyone else to talk
to with Pete gone."

	"It's cool. I'll listen."

	"Well, that stuff you got for me last Christmas really was for Pete
and not me like I let you believe. Pete knew he was dying and he wanted to
experience sex once before he died."

	"I get that, sure. So?"

	"So he didn't have anyone to do it with besides me. So I pretended
to be the girl and we had sex together on the night he died. I said we had
sex, but it was more than just that. We made love. We shared something
really special together and I can't get over it. It's like part of me died
with him."

	"Wait. Are you saying you did gay shit together?"

	"I guess. Yeah."

	"Holy shit. Do mom and dad know?"

	"Of course not. No one knows besides you."

	"Fuck. That's messed up. So that's what's screwing with your head?
Okay look, you messed up one time trying to do some kind of good deed to
your dying friend. It doesn't mean you're gay if that's what's eating you
up. Seriously, dude let me hook you up with an easy fuck and once you slide
it in the magic cave you'll forget all about your messed up gay friend and
what you did with him."

	"You don't get it. I shouldn't have told you. I don't want to
forget about him or about what I did with him. I love him. If he were still
alive, I'd be having more sex with him. I think about doing it all the
time. I'm not interested in fucking girls. I'm not even interested in
messing with other guys either, but I wish every minute of every day that I
could be with Pete again."

	"That sounds so fucking gay. You got your head all messed up."

	"If loving Pete makes me gay, then I guess I'm gay."

	"That's messed up. Don't ever tell mom and dad this shit. It would
kill them. So look, your gay boy's dead so there's nothing you can do about
it. Why not get a girlfriend and move on from it. You can't relive your one
gay fantasy forever. Look, I get it kind of. When I jacked off with Devon
the first time and we touched each other's dicks, I was all freaked out
afterwards that I might be turning gay. But hell, I realized it was just
for the thrill of the gasm. You're just going through the same shit, but
since the guy you messed with went and died, you must be like super
dramatized over it."

	"Traumatized."

	"Yeah, that."

	"That's not it, Scott. I love him. He loved me. That makes us gay
and I admit it. He's dead and I wish I were too."

	"You'd be better off dead if that's true. It'd be better for mom
and dad if you did die rather than tell them you're depressed because your
creepy, gay lover died. That's just sick. It'd kill dad."

	"Let's go." Joey was staring at his shoes, clenching his fists and
thinking about his sore, cramped toes to avoid busting his brother in the
face.

	"Yeah. Good idea." There was no more conversation between
them. When they got home, Joey jumped out of the truck and rushed inside.

	"Hi, sweetie. How was your time at the park?" mom asked as Joey
stalked past her. Her hopeful countenance fell as she witnessed his
depressed scowl.

	As Joey went into the bathroom to shower for work, he heard a
muffled question from his mom and Scott's irritated reply, "Don't ask!"

	Joey dressed in his uniform for work and realized he'd left his
keys on the bathroom counter. He could hear Scott was in the shower but the
door was left unlocked, so he walked in to retrieve them. Scott was leaning
against the tile and masturbating. He quickly spun away and cried out,
"What the fuck's the big idea walking in on me?"

	"I needed my keys. I'm leaving for work."

	"You left them in here on purpose, didn't you? I bet you wanted an
excuse to look at my junk. You really are a freaking faggot."

	"Go fuck yourself. Oh, that's what you're in the middle of, isn't
it?"

	"Fuck you. Oh wait. You'd like that wouldn't you, freak? Get the
fuck out of here."

	"Gladly." Joey slammed the door and stormed out.

	Saturday nights were really busy and Joey got stuck making
deliveries. He made some good tips on his first four pizza deliveries and
he cranked the tunes up in his car and sang along to keep his mind of his
asshole brother. He regretted telling Scott about Pete and him. He couldn't
imagine, in retrospect, what the hell he had been thinking.

	The fifth delivery address was familiar. As he got close, he knew
why. It was Dom's address. Dom was this bizarre emo kid from school that he
got paired up with on a science project. Dom wore all the black clothes and
eyeliner and black lipstick. He was very odd but intriguing at the same
time. Joey had questioned Dom what the whole emo thing was about, but after
several attempted explanations, still didn't quite get it. They worked on
the project at Dom's house and on the third and final visit, something very
interesting and strange happened. After wrapping up the project, Dom asked
if Joey needed to leave right away. Joey told him he had nowhere to be and
Dom smiled and shut his bedroom door and leaned against it.

	Joey remembered watching in amazement as Dom unzipped his baggy,
black pants with the silver buckles down the sides and let them fall
off. He was wearing X-men briefs that looked too small for him. They were
certainly too small for his good sized dick bulging from them. He grabbed
himself and asked if Joey wanted to participate in another biology project
and jack off together. Joey remembered still the confused emotions he was
feeling. He wanted to see Dom's dick. He wanted to touch another dick and
he wanted to have his touched. He knew if he did it, though, he would have
to admit that he was for sure gay, and he would also feel like he was
cheating on Pete's memory. Joey boned back up in the car thinking about
it. He regretted slightly having turned down Dom's offer and especially
regretted calling him a few unkind names. He still couldn't forget Dom's
indifferent attitude toward Joey's reaction and how he had caught him off
guard as Joey was leaving by kissing his lips. Once back in the car, Joey
had to wipe off the smeared black lipstick.

	Joey arrived at Dom's house still boned from the memory. It was in
a nice neighborhood and Dom's rich parents paid little attention to their
only child. Joey wondered if that was why Dom did the emo thing, for
attention. Dom answered the door and smiled when he saw it was Joey. "Hey
pizza boy. Come on in." He held the door open and Joey stepped
inside. There was a party going on with mostly emo types and a few regular
people from school. Joey wondered if it was a recruiting party or
something.

	"It'll be $32.73, please."

	"Set the pizzas on the table and follow me to my room. I'll pay you
and give you a nice big tip." Dom smiled seductively.

	As Joey set the pizzas on the table, his eye caught David's. David,
one of his basketball teammates, was on the couch with a mostly empty
Corona in his hand flanked by a couple of guys making out on either side of
him. "Hey." Joey nodded to him.

	"Hey," David answered back.

	Joey followed Dom into the familiar bedroom where Dom had sexually
enticed him before and Joey got nervous as Dom closed the door. Dom pulled
out two twenties and handed them over.

	"Thanks," Joey said reaching for them. Dom pulled them away and
stuffed them in the crotch of his pants laughing. "If you want your tip,
you have to find it. You might get lucky and find another tip in there
too."

	"Dude, just give me my money. I'm not fishing around in your
underwear for it. That's sick."

	"Aw, c'mon have some fun, loosen up. You know you really want to. I
can tell." Dom stepped in close to Joey and reached out for a grab of
Joey's dick tenting his blue, pizza uniform pants. "That isn't poking out
for no reason."

	"Look, I'm not interested, okay. Just pay me so I can go. I have to
make other deliveries." Joey pushed away.

	"You're no fun at all," Dom said pulling the bills from his crotch
and handing them over. "You know you really want it, deep down. If you
change your mind, we'll be here all night." Joey started making change from
his pouch but Dom stopped him, "No dude, that's your tip. If you want the
rest of your tip, come back later." He grabbed his crotch showing the
sizable girth of his dick.

	"Thanks." Joey opened the door and left but on the way out, David
grabbed his arm.

	"Joey, buddy, can you gib me a ride?"

	"Why? I saw your car out front."

	"Yeah, but I'be had just a little too much to drink, and I need to
get outta here. It's not my kinda crowd ... you know whud I mean, buddy?"

	"Yeah, I get that. I still have to make some more deliveries before
taking you home."

	"I can't go home," He snorted, "I need a ... place to hang out
until I'm ... sober. Can I stay ober at your place tonight?" Joey was a bit
annoyed but did like David and they were somewhat friends back when Joey
was on the team.

	"Okay, I guess. What will you do until I get off at eleven?"

	"Could you drop me off at your house and I'll just ... hang out
there until you get home?"

	"I guess so. My next delivery is sort of that direction. Let's go."

	"Thanks man. I really a ... a ... appreshiate it. I'm way buzzed
and if I stay here I'm gonna do something I'll regret later. I almost did
already."

	When they got in the car and Joey helped David get buckled in since
he was having a little trouble with it, Joey asked, "So what did you almost
do that you would regret?"

	"Uhhh, just between us girls?"

	"Sure."

	He snorted and said, "I was about to 69 with one of them emo
dudes. Not that I got anything against emo dudes, I mean to each their own
right? But, who the fuck knows what kind of shit they got going on down
there, you know?"

	"Yeah, Dom was coming on to me in his bedroom."

	"Yeah, he's a total flamer and not too shy about it."

	"So, why were you there? You didn't exactly fit in the crowd?"

	"I don't know. Stupidity, or boredom maybe. I was at the mall and
saw this R .. Rick guy I kind of know, and he invited me. I thought it
might be cool, but it was really pretty stupid you know. I mean, I hope you
don't think bad of me for going, dude. You're a good friend, Joey. You
treated me all cool last year on the team even though I was a just like end
of the bench man."

	"No, I don't think bad of you. So did you just want to get drunk or
were you looking for some sex action too?"

	"Maybe some sex akshun too. I mean a guy gets horny you know."

	"So ... are you into guys?"

	David looked over at Joey and his head bobbed slowly in random
directions. After a few minutes, he said, "Just between us girls, yeah I'm
into guys. I'm gay." David held his finger to his lips and made an
exaggerated "Shhhhhh" sound. "Don't tell anybody, okay. I don't need the
publishity."

	"Secret's safe with me, man. When we get to my house I'm going to
tell my parents that you're drunk and that's why you're staying
over. They'll know anyway, so we might as well be honest about it."

	"Okay buddy. But don't tell about the gay part okay?"

	"I won't."

	"Thanks man. I could just kiss you." Luckily, David leaned his head
against Joey's passenger window and closed his eyes while Joey made his
next delivery and drove him home. He led him into the house and explained
to his parents about the rescue mission and then took David into his room,
helped strip him down to his boxers and put him into his bed.

	"Sleep it off, dude. You'll feel better in the morning." Joey
hadn't drank much, but what little he had was enough that he knew it wasn't
true what he said. David would feel like shit in the morning ,which was
another reason Joey didn't drink.

	The rest of Joey's shift was uneventful and he got home at a
quarter after eleven. His mom was waiting up as she usually did when he
worked the late shift. "Hello Joey. Come sit by me for a minute."

	"Okay." Joey sat on the couch. "What's up."

	"I tried to talk to Scott about your time together at the park, but
he didn't want to talk much about it. He seemed ... angry about it. Did you
two have a fight?"

	"Not really a fight. I know you put him up to trying to get me out
of the sadness over Pete. Mom, Scott and I aren't that close and it just
didn't work out like you schemed." She blushed at being called out so
directly.

	"Sorry. I just was hoping it could help you. I hurt when you hurt,
son. I just want you to be happy again."

	"I get that. But, I don't know how. Life is just not interesting
any more without Pete in it. I don't expect you to understand that and I
definitely don't expect dad to get it. I just ... I can't explain it."

	"That was a nice thing you did bringing David here to sober
up. You're a good person, Joey. I love you."

	"I love you too, mom. I don't want to hurt you. I really
don't. I'll try and figure out a way to make it all go away. Just give me
time."

	"Okay. I'm going to bed. Let the dog out please."

	"Sure." Joey let the dog out, ate some cookies and chocolate milk
and then let the dog back in and went to bed. He could smell the
alcohol. David was sprawled across the bed and the covers were kicked off
to his thighs. His fly was partially open and Joey grew curious. Before
turning off the light, Joey sat next to David. He carefully lifted the fly
of David's boxers and peeked in. His flaccid dick was lying flat against
his soft balls. Tufts of blond pubic hair poked out the fly. Slowly, Joey
reached in and touched the soft skin of David's dick. It was smooth and
soft and enticing. He thought about how much it felt like Pete's.

	Watching to make sure David didn't wake up, he took the soft dick
in hand and pulled it through the fly. Slowly, he stroked it up and down,
pulling the skin carefully over the head and back down. Joey immediately
boned up and he imagined he was back with Pete. David's dick gradually
expanded until it was stiff. He stirred a bit and Joey immediately let go
and waited and watched, with his heart thumping in his chest. Then, he
resumed the slow jacking action.

	Joey got up and stripped down to his boxers and pulled his own dick
out. He slid up and put his dick in David's palm and molded the fingers
around his shaft. David just relaxed and dropped off of it each time,
though. Joey slid down and took a deep breath. He licked the tip of David's
cock and it twitched. Then he pressed his lips to it and sucked it in. Joey
shuddered. He pulled off and then slid it back in and remembered getting
sucked by Pete. He wished so bad that it was Pete there in bed with him
sucking him also. He wished Pete could fuck him again and they could hold
each other one more time. The desperate need for human touch and sexual
gratification with his friend was overwhelming and Joey sucked David all
the way in and that caused David to finally react in his drunken
slumber. Joey pulled off quickly and David rolled to his side.

	Joey stared at David's back and his red boxers with yellow yield
signs on them. He looked at the curvature of his ass cheeks and his white
thighs emerging from the leg of the boxers. He wanted to roll him back over
and play more with his toy. He put a hand on David's hip and tried to roll
him back towards him but David resisted without waking and Joey came to his
senses.

	"What the fuck am I doing?" he asked himself out loud. "I'm messing
with a drunk person who has no idea I'm doing it. What's wrong with me?"
Self-loathing guilt washed over him and he put his hand over his mouth
staring at his erection. He tucked it back into his boxers as best he could
and then turned off the light, crawled into bed with David, and pulled the
covers over them both. Tears dampened his pillow until he fell asleep.

	The next morning, Joey woke before David and got up to pee. On his
way to the bathroom he passed Scott in the hallway. "Hey Joey, I'm gonna go
riding quads with Michael and I left my helmet at school. Can I borrow
yours?"

	"Sure. It's in my closet."

	Joey had just started pissing when he heard Scott from his bedroom
say, "What the fuck?"

	Joey was just shaking off when Scott burst into the bathroom with
the helmet in his hand and an ugly expression on his face. "What the hell
is that guy doing in your bed? I can't believe you'd do that. You bring one
of your faggot friends over and sleep with him right under mom and dad's
nose. That's totally fucked up."

	"Scott, keep your voice down. Shit. He's not a faggot friend, I
just gave him a place to stay to sleep off being drunk. He couldn't go
home. If you weren't home, I'd have put him in your room, but since you are
home, there wasn't any place for him to sleep besides my bed."

	"So why are you both in your boxers and why's his dick hanging out
of his? You're honestly telling me that you're gay and you brought a drunk
guy home and didn't do anything with him while he shared your bed?
Bullshit. I'm calling you on that one."

	Joey felt his ears burning. He wasn't a good liar. "He just came to
sleep it off. Like you haven't done that before? More than once you never
came home."

	"I never slept with a guy though. I say its bullshit and I can't
believe mom and dad don't get it. You better knock this shit off, dude. You
can't be gay in this family. It's not cool. If you really are gay and
you're gonna do shit like this, you should just disappear. Don't ruin mom
and dad's life, or mine for that matter."

	"Just shut the fuck up. You're a royal asshole, you know that,
Scott. A royal asshole."

	"Maybe, but at least my royal ass is exit only. You're sick dude. I
hope that shrink can fix you."
      Scott stormed off to go riding quads with his buddies. They'd all get
drunk at some time and do stupid stuff. Joey regretted outing himself to
Scott. He half wished in the back of his mind that Scott would hurt himself
or even kill himself. But he knew if either of them should die, it should
be him and not Scott. He was the better choice. He wouldn't have to tell
his parents and he could maybe be with Pete again if things worked like
that when you were dead. He just didn't have the courage to do it.

	As Joey predicted, David woke up with a splitting headache and sick
to his stomach. After some toast and coffee and some fresh air during a
walk with Joey to the park, David felt a little better. Joey took a
basketball and they just shot some hoops. David wasn't up to a game, so
they just took turns tossing the ball at the basket.

	"Hey, thanks for helping me out last night. I appreciate it, man."
David said.

	"No problem. So how much about last night do you remember?" Joey
asked.

	"I wasn't that drunk. I think I remember pretty much everything."

	"Really? Everything?"

	"Why? I didn't like moon your parents or something, did I?"

	Joey laughed out loud. It was a good hearted belly laugh that he
hadn't had for a long time. "No, nothing like that. It was just some stuff
that you said."

	"Oh. You mean about being gay."

	"Yeah. So you remember that?"

	"Um-hmm. I was drunk enough to spill my guts but not so drunk I
don't remember saying it. If you don't want me to hang around anymore, I
get it. Please don't out me to anyone else though, okay? It's hard enough
without everyone knowing."

	"Your secret's safe with me. I was actually wondering if I could
trust you with a little secret of my own that I don't want anyone else to
know."

	"Definitely, dude. You know you can. It would be kind of like
Russia and the US in the cold war like we studied in world history. If we
both have equal nuclear weaponry and are capable of mass destruction of
each other, then neither of us can shoot the first missile."

	"Kind of, I guess."

	"So what's your big secret?"

	"Remember Pete from the basketball team?"

	"Sure. The kid with cancer that you were best friends with."

	"Well, the night before he died last Christmas, he wanted me to
grant him a special Christmas wish. He wanted to experience sex before he
died. So, I was his partner. It was really special and romantic even. I
didn't realize I was truly in love with him, and not just as a best friend,
I mean really in love until we shared that and then he died the next day. I
can't get over it. I'm depressed all the time and I keep thinking about
dying too, so I can be with him."

	"Wow. That's some deep shit, man. It sucks having to hide that I'm
gay, but I'd never think about offing myself over it. Are you really
thinking about that? If you are, don't do it. I read this book about people
who died and then came back to life, and like how they saw the light and
all that. There were some who committed suicide and every single one of
them was so freaked out about what they'd done. They realized they'd made a
huge mistake and they were somehow in trouble with God for doing it."

	"I don't think I could ever really do it. I don't think I have the
courage, but when the depression gets too bad, I really think about it."

	"Maybe you should go see a shrink."

	"That's what my parents say, but what is he gonna do? Talk me out
of feeling bad. Tell me I don't really love Pete? Maybe tell me I'm just
making up the love thing because I feel guilty that I'm alive and he's dead
even though he was the better person? That psycho shit is all a load of
crap as far as I'm concerned."

	"So are you saying you're gay too?"

	"I guess I am. I'm in love with Pete and girls don't interest me
anymore. I only fantasize about doing stuff with Pete when I jack off, so I
guess I must be gay."

	"Maybe. Maybe you're bi."

	"How did you know you were gay?"

	"I don't know. I just always was interested in boys and not in
girls. Once I started puberty, it was totally obvious. I'd get boners just
looking at cute guys in the halls and stuff. I'd rank them from like a five
to a ten. I'd catch myself staring at them sometimes and get embarrassed
when they'd look at me funny for it. I'm always imagining them naked. I
like some girls as friends and I can talk with girls, but there's no sexual
interest at all."

	"It wasn't like that for me. Until I realized I was in love with
Pete, I didn't think about guys like that. I used to think about and talk
about girls like that though, but not a lot. Not like my sleazy brother who
tries to sleep with anything that has boobs."

	"Yeah, he's got quite the rep."

	"So what am I?"

	"I don't know. You have to answer that question."

	"No. I meant what am I on your scale, a five or a ten?"

	David laughed and said, "Dude, you're an eleven. You're cute,
athletic, way nice, non-judgmental, smart and easy to talk to."

	"Cool." Joey stared at his feet for a minute and then said, "I have
another confession sort of to make. I hope you won't be mad."

	"What? You didn't paint my toenails pink while I was passed out, I
hope. I hate it when people do that to me when I'm drunk."

	Joey laughed again. "No, worse. Last night when I came to bed, the
fly to your boxers was sort of open and ... well, I got curious and I
played with your dick some. I even ... I even sucked on it a bit."

	"I am mad. I'm totally mad I was passed out for it. Damn, a fantasy
come true and I slept through it!" He smiled at Joey and Joey was relieved.

	"I felt like a complete ass, using you like that. I can't lie, I
pretended you were Pete."

	"Your dead friend? That's a little creepy."

	"I know. I'm so sorry. I had no right to do that."

	"Chill. I'm not pissed about it. But I think you need to be
punished for it just the same."

	"Huh? Punished how?"

	"I think you have to be sentenced to a night of mutual sex play
with me while I'm awake, to make restitution to me." David gave Joey a sly
smile.

	"I guess that's fair to ask. I can't promise not to think about
Pete if we do it though."

	"Fine, as long as I get to do stuff with you. You can call me Pete
or you can call me Polly for all I care."

	"Oh My God! Did you just say I could call you Polly?"

	"Yeah, why?"

	"That was like the made up girl name Pete used for himself when we
made love together that night. That's freaky."

	"Yeah, kind of is, huh?"

	"David, thanks for listening and not making fun of me over it. I
made the mistake of telling my brother and he freaked out on me and told me
I'd be better off dead than gay. I can't believe how much better I feel
just having someone understand me."

	"Yeah, that's not all that uncommon, I'm afraid. Gay bashing is
still pretty popular, especially with the macho sex freaks like your
bro. If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you man. I'll call your cell so
you'll have my number. What's yours?" They exchanged phone numbers and
added each other to their respective contact lists.  "Great, I got it. This
stupid phone keeps messing up, I hate it. If you call and I don't answer
it's just my phone messing up, okay? I gotta get going. I'm supposed to be
home for church."

	"What church do you go to?"

	"The Church of the Good Shepherd across from the Middleton
Cemetery."

	"I've seen it when I've gone to visit Pete's grave."

	"How often do you do that?"

	"Depends. Not as much as I used to. Once a week, maybe."

	"Holy shit. Still? You really are messed up over his death, aren't
you?"

	"Yeah, I guess."

	"So can you take me to get my car at Dom's?"

	"Yeah, let's go. Thanks again for listening and not judging me. And
thanks for not getting pissed off about what I did to you last night."

	"No problem. Thanks for helping me out, dude. But I'm holding you
to the community service for the crime of passion you committed on me."

	"Okay. I'll pay up. I promise."

	"Cool."

	They chatted about all sorts of things on the way home and on the
drive to Dom's house. They found they had a common love for history and an
interest in geology. They both lamented about quitting basketball and
agreed that quitting may have been a mistake. When they reached Dom's
house, David thanked Joey again and Joey reached out his hand to
shake. David took and held it. "I'd like to kiss you. Would it be all right
if I did?"

	Joey looked all around and saw no one. He shrugged and
nodded. David leaned over the console and they pressed their lips
together. It wasn't long, but it was long enough. It was pleasant. It was
nice. It made Joey smile and David winked. "Thanks," David said as he
jumped out and headed to his car.

	Joey watched until he got it started and pulled away. Joey felt
something he hadn't felt since Pete died. It was peace, just a little, but
it brought light into his soul for a fleeting moment. Joey realized he
hadn't projected Pete into the kiss. It had just been him and David,
kissing, and enjoying it. Joey headed home and offered to help his mom in
the house and his dad in the yard. They were both surprised, but
pleased. He almost seemed cheerful.

	The following week was spent avoiding Scott as much as possible,
doing some Christmas shopping, working as many shifts as he could get,
helping around the house and twice visiting Pete's grave. The depression
over Pete's death would come and go. The closer it got to Christmas the
deeper the pain took hold of him. He remembered spending most of the day
last Christmas in bed crying and cursing God and the heavens, and even
Grandpa Eddie for taking Pete. Thoughts of David crept in from time to time
and cheered him up.

	Soon it was Christmas Eve. Their mom fixed a nice ham dinner and
everyone got dressed up for it, as was their tradition. Joey tried hard not
to spoil dinner for the family. He ate and smiled at the jokes but didn't
crack any of his own. He enjoyed some of his mom's reminiscing memories of
Christmases past. It was fun to remember when times were simple and
happy. After dinner, they went in to watch "A Christmas Story" while they
drank apple cider, which was a tradition. "Oh, Joey, I almost forgot to
mention, Pete's mom came by to visit me today. She said to tell you hello
and they'd love to see you sometime if you ever want to go by. They seem to
be doing well even though it's hard for them with the holidays and
all. Their younger children made a Christmas card for their brother and
they took them to his grave earlier today. That's kind of sweet isn't it?"

	Joey knew she meant well, but all that did was remind him of his
sorrow. He smiled and said something like "Yeah, nice."

	Before the video started, the newscaster was talking about the
effects of the new policy on gays in the military. "That's awful," his dad
remarked. "There weren't any gays in the army when I served, I'll tell you
that, and if there had been they wouldn't have lasted long in Nam. Some
friendly fire would've put them out of their misery." Scott looked at Joey
and smirked. Joey's insides went to mush and his throat tightened up. Tears
stung at his eyes. When the movie started, they turned the light off and
Joey was glad no one could see his tears. Scott had been right. He could
never tell his dad he was gay. He would be better off dead. When the movie
was over, they all headed off to bed. They would open their presents in the
morning.

	Before going to bed, Joey's mom said, "I hope you'll like what we
got you, Joey. Since you wouldn't give us any ideas, we had to just do
something we thought you might like."

	Joey had gotten sufficient control of his emotions to avoid a
meltdown, but he was sad inside to the core. He gave the required hugs and
went straight to bed. He closed his door and pulled his clothes off. He got
in the chest and pulled out the special box. He put the negligee on and
oiled up the vibrator. Then he went over to his bed and pulled down the
covers and found a manila envelope on his pillow. "To Joey, From Scott."
The tag had a picture of Santa climbing into a chimney on it. The only
indication that it was a Christmas present.

	Joey opened it and pulled out a new porn magazine. It was a gay
porno and it shocked Joey completely that Scott would do that. It was
actually thoughtful in a weird way. It was kind of like an olive
branch. Joey opened the glossy cover and found a large breasted woman with
her legs spread open and a juicy pussy staring him in the face. In black
marker, Scott's writing said, "Get your fucking head STRAIGHT bro." He
signed it, "Love Scott." Joey snapped. The bait and switch of sticking a
gay porno cover on a straight porn mag was just rude and spiteful. He tore
the magazine into shreds. He was gritting his teeth and ripping with all
his might until there were pieces everywhere. He gathered them up and
stuffed them back in the envelope. He'd lost his mood for the little
fantasy he had planned. Instead, he found his phone and called David.

	"Hey." David sounded surprised by the call. "What up?"

	"David? I need to talk."

	"Okay. Umm, It's Christmas Eve and we're headed to church in a
bit."

	"Oh. Well, I was just thinking, I'd like to see you. I'd like to
pay up what I owe you. I was thinking about tomorrow afternoon
sometime. What would you think?"

	"Oh, umm, Joey about that. I'd love to, you know, I really like you
but Dom saw us kissing at his house when you dropped me off and well ... he
sort of told Rick about it. Rick and I have been sort of going out for a
while and Rick got all pissy over it so, I'll just give you a pass on that
whole community service thing, okay?"

	"Oh. Yeah. Sure. I understand. I just had a bad experience with
Scott. Can I tell you about it?"

	"Love to hear it, but we're leaving in a minute for church, so
maybe later okay? I'd really like to hear it, though. I'm not trying to
blow you off. Even though I'd love to blow you off, if you know what I
mean." David laughed at his joke, but Joey didn't.

	"Sure. No problem. I understand. Thanks anyway huh?"

	"Later."

	"Yeah, later." Joey stared at the phone

	Joey turned his phone off and tossed it onto the dresser. He pulled
out a notebook from his school bag and wrote a lengthy note. He dressed and
boxed up his treasures but didn't put them in the chest. Instead, he put
them in the trunk of his Corolla. He went out to the shed and looked for
what he needed with a flashlight. He finally found it under a tarp. He
carried it to his car and put it in the trunk. He drove straight to the
cemetery. He played Christmas tunes on the way. The last one to play as he
reached the cemetery was "All I Want for Christmas is You." It made him
tear up, but he didn't shut it off.

	Instead of going straight to the grave, he saw a light in a small
building and it intrigued him. It was a small chapel and the door was
open. He walked in but no one was there. He was alone. It was sort of a
non-denominational chapel for the cemetery. There was a Jewish alcove and a
Christian one. There was a third one with a Buddha in it. The light inside
was dim and foreboding. What caught Joey's attention was a crucifix on the
wall with a manger scene that had been put up for Christmas below the
crucifix. Joey looked at the baby in the makeshift cradle and then at the
suffering Christ on the cross. "That's fitting," he said out loud. You're
born and then life goes badly. You end up suffering through no fault of
your own. The contorted image of Christ on the cross was gruesome and
filled Joey with dread and gloom. He retreated and went directly back to
his car, more resolute than ever.

	When he reached his car, Joey opened the trunk and pulled out the
items he had stashed in there, and then he climbed the wall into the
cemetery. He made the familiar walk toward the big oak trees where Pete was
buried. He wasted no time. He took his shoes off and then stripped
completely naked in spite of the cold air. He opened the box and pulled out
the negligee and put it on. He took the rope he'd gotten from his shed and
tossed one end over the oak branch. He tossed it over a couple more times
and then secured it around the base of the tree. He greased up his erection
and then he stood on Pete's gravestone, teetering like he had when he
crossed the bar on the school swingset. He tested the rope and made a loop
with a slip knot in the end.

	Joey was as low as he had ever been. "I'm coming to you, Pete. I
don't want to live this way anymore." He brought the loop over his thick,
long hair.

	Suddenly, a dense fog rolled into the cemetery and engulfed him. It
was cold and made him shiver. He lost his balance and he fell from his
perch. He grasped at the rope, but it slipped from his fingers, and he
cracked the back of his head hard against Pete's headstone. He rolled
slowly to his back and lay motionless in the grass. Although he was unable
to move his body, he found himself still capable of conscious thought.  He
wondered if he was dead or alive. This was not how he imagined death would
be, surrounded in a fog. He worried that dying while failing at suicide may
still count and this was hell. "Help me, please. Anyone please. A horrible,
dreadful thought occurred to him that his personal version of hell could be
stuck in this fog with no one else - alone for eternity with just his
memories of Pete. It was a terrifying concept.

	Slowly, his awareness grew of the grass, damp and cold, on his bare
ass and backside. His head throbbed in pain. Then, he heard a
voice. "Joey. Stop this. What are you doing? This is wrong."

	"Pete?" Joey cried out, finding his voice "Is that you?"

	"Yes, Joey, it's me, Pete. Joey you can't do this. This is not the
answer. I love you Joey, I can't let you ruin your eternity."

	"But how? You're ..."

	"Dead. Yes."

	"Am I dead, too? Where are you? I want to see you. I want to hold
you again. I love you! Why can't I see you?"

	"I love you too, Joey. I always will, forever and ever. Our time to
be together will come again, but it's not now. You can't see me. It's not
allowed."

	"But you got to see Grandpa Eddie."

	"That was different. Trust me. I have to go now. You got your
Christmas wish, by the way. It's under your tree."

	"PETE! DON'T GO! Please. Don't go." The fog thinned and then was
gone. Joey sat up on the grass holding his pounding head, weeping softly,
naked and chilled. He became aware of Christmas music on the air, as though
sung my angels. He stood but had to immediately sit back down on Pete's
headstone until the vertigo passed.  The music and singing continued. Joey
dressed and undid the rope from the tree. He carried it all back to his car
and followed the music across the street to the Church of the Good
Shepherd. He walked in and found the chapel full to overflowing with people
of all ages standing and singing joyfully. They were singing Christmas
carols and it was very light and festive inside. Joey noticed that there
was a cross at the front of the chapel, behind the choir in their red
robes, but the cross was empty. That seemed odd to him. He wondered if
someone had stolen their Christ. Then he wondered if they only put it up at
Easter and took it down at Christmastime since there was a manger scene on
the side of the choir loft. He stood in the aisle feeling a bit awkward and
was about to leave when a girl his age touched his arm. She smiled kindly
at him, as if she were an angel and she looked somehow familiar, though he
couldn't quite place it.

	"Over here." She directed Joey into a pew that had room for both of
them to squeeze into. They stood with the others and she opened up a hymnal
and they both began singing, "Hark the Herald Angels Sing." The words of
the second verse sunk deeply into Joey's heart.

Mild he lays his glory by Born that man no more may die Born to raise the
sons of earth Born to give them second birth Risen with healing in his
wings Light and life to all he brings Hail, the Son of Righteousness Hail,
the Heaven born Prince of Peace Hail the Heaven born Prince of Peace Hail
the Son of Righteousness Light and life to all He brings Risen with healing
in His wings Mild He lay His glory by Born that man no more may die

	At the conclusion of the song, Joey was crying. He turned to the
girl next to him and asked, "Is that true? Could it be true?"

	She smiled the kindest smile he had ever seen and said, "It is
true. Because of Christ, we shall all live on even after we die. Someday,
we will be resurrected and live together in love as one, if we accept Him
and live good lives." Hope and light filled Joey's soul as she
spoke. Through his tear filled eyes, the light behind the girl's soft,
golden locks shone brightly, giving her the appearance of an angel.

	"Why is there no Jesus on your cross?"

	"We don't celebrate His agony and death. We celebrate His
resurrection and the taking of His body back up to join his Spirit." Joey
smiled as happiness filled him. The girl hugged him and kissed his cheek
tenderly. "Merry Christmas," she said. She stood to leave him.

	"Wait. I'm Joey, what's your name?"

	"I'm Pauline, but everyone just calls me Polly."

	"Polly, you have no idea what you have just done for me. You've
saved my life. I need to repay you somehow."

	"I like peppermint ice cream."

	"Me too. You can only get it at Baskin Robbins this time of
year. Could I buy you some?"

	"Maybe." She smiled and walked briskly away.

	"But, how ..." Joey's question was drowned out by a powerful
rendition of Joy to the World. He couldn't tell where she had gone in the
crowd. It was as though she disappeared. The final number was Silent Night
and Joey slipped out during it and waited outside. As the good people left
the church, he searched for Pauline, his angel. Suddenly, he heard his name
called from behind him.

	"Joey, what are you doing here? Did you come to see me?"

	Joey spun around and found himself face to face with David. Joey
blinked twice in astonishment and shook his head. He realized that David
was the person he was reminded of when he saw the girl inside the
church. They looked amazingly similar.

	"Well, uhh, no but I'm happy to see you."

	"Oh, did you come from the cemetery?"

	"Yeah. You wouldn't believe what happened to me there. And then I
heard the music and there was this girl, or angel maybe, who looked a lot
like you. And Christ isn't on the cross. He isn't in pain or agony, he came
back from the dead and lives still. Pete lives still, too. He came to
me. He isn't dead, he's just separated from his body right now. You know
what I'm saying?"

	"Yeah, that's the whole Christmas and Easter thing."

	"Isn't it great?"

	"Yeah, sure. It's what Christmas is really about. So Joey, about
earlier on the phone, I'm really sorry. I was kind of an ass to you and I
shouldn't have been. Rick doesn't own me. If I want to hang with you and if
we want to have some sexy fun together even, there's no reason I shouldn't
be able to. When you called me, it made me start thinking about what I was
doing. I'm sorry how I acted. You're a really great guy and I really want
to get to know you better, if you still want me to. Here's my house phone
number in case my phone dies again. It sucks. It dies all the time. I hope
I get a new one tomorrow for Christmas. Well, I gotta go now, but I really
am sorry, okay?"

	"That's okay. I'm glad you found me. I felt really bad about losing
the first friend I'd found since I lost Pete. I was actually happy every
time I thought about you during this past week. I'd love to get to know
each other better. And, I do still owe you."

	"That's awesome. Well, see ya later."

	"Hey," Joey called as he started to leave, "Do you by chance have a
sister close to our age?"

	"Yeah, like ten minutes older, she's my twin, but she lives with my
mom and I live with my dad. She's coming over to our house tomorrow for
Christmas, though. I really gotta go. Later, dude."

	"Later Polly," Joey teased. David turned and smiled, shaking his
head in amusement at being called Polly.

	The drive home was filled with joy and peace. The Christmas tunes
were joyous and filled Joey with the Christmas spirit. He stopped at the
giant Walmart and bought a huge red bow just before they closed. He went in
and slipped into bed undetected. He reached over to the nightstand and tore
the note he had left into small pieces and dropped them in the small
drawer. The smile never left his face until he drifted off into a peaceful
slumber.

	"Get up, sleepyhead. It's Christmas morning. I remember when you'd
come knocking on our door at five a.m. as a little boy." His mom was cheery
and she was wearing her Mrs. Claus bathrobe.

	Joey blinked the sleep from his eyes and sat up. "Okay, mom. Merry
Christmas."

	His mom stared at him startled and said, "Merry Christmas to you
too."  Then she made her way to Scott's room to wake him. When they were
all assembled in the living room around the tree, their dad started to
distribute presents. Scott opened the desk lamp Joey had bought for him and
seemed genuinely happy for it. Scott had given Joey what was obviously a
group of CD's. Joey thought that was a thoughtful gift, since he loved
music. When he opened it, though, he was confused by his choices. There
were three CD's, Barry Manilow, Prince, and Elton John. The plastic
wrapping had been removed and Joey snapped the top one open. The music CD
had been replaced with one titled "Healing Homosexuality, a three disc set
of a twelve step program." Joey just smiled, snapped it closed and tossed
it aside.

	"Good one, Scott. Very funny. Thanks bro, for thinking of me."

	Scott was surprised that Joey wasn't mad at him over it.

	Joey's parents gave him a certificate for having the body work and
a paint job done on his Corolla. "Cool. What a great gift. It's like it
will be resurrected and brought back to life in a way."

	His mom smiled and said, "It was your father's idea."

	Everyone was pleased with the gifts they'd gotten. Joey stood and
said, "I have one more gift for all of you." He went to his room and tied
the giant bow around himself. He walked back in and said, "Ta-da!"

	"What?" Scott said bewildered.

	"My gift is myself. I'm back. I'm over being all screwed up about
Pete's death. He sort of came to me last night and spoke peace to me, and I
know it's okay now. He's happy in heaven and someday he'll get resurrected
and get a body back. Someday, when it's my time, I'll get to see him
again. Until then, I need to be happy and live a good life. It's what
Christmas is really all about. I love you guys and I'm sorry I worried you
so much."

	His mom burst into tears and rushed to hug him. Even his father
joined in the hug and he waved Scott in, who did so a bit reluctantly. "Oh,
Joey," his father said, "I missed a present, I'm not sure how, but here it
is."

	Joey held the box and read the tag with trembling hands. He excused
himself and carried it out to his car and then drove to the elementary
school. He climbed the fence and went to sit in the swing. He read the tag
and traced his hand over it. "To: Joey, From: Pete, Merry Christmas." Joey
wiped the tears from his eyes and carefully unwrapped it. He pulled off the
lid and found a letter in Pete's handwriting.

	"Dear Joey, I was alone in my room after a wonderful, but tiring
day. I was thinking about our time together and about what a great friend
you are to me. I just felt like I needed to write you a Christmas
letter. For some reason, I decided it should wait for the following
Christmas and I left my mom instructions what to do. I hope this won't piss
you off or anything, but I just have to tell you that I love you. I mean, I
really love you with all my heart. You don't need to tell anyone else this,
but I have loved you for a long time, ever since we met practically. I will
never forget what we shared together, I will cherish that experience for
eternity. It was probably just doing something nice for a friend for you,
but it meant way more than that to me. Thank you so much. Thank you for
always being there for me when I needed you. I wish I could return the
favor. Don't forget what I told you. I want you to live for both of us. Be
happy and follow your heart wherever it takes you. Find someone to love
with all your heart. Well, maybe not all your heart, save a little bit of
room for me. Don't ever forget me but don't be sad for me either. I'll be
happy where I'm going. Life is a special gift from God. Sometimes it's
short and sometimes it's long. I was mad at God at first because of the
cancer and because I was afraid to die, but then I realized I had a
wonderful life. I had a good family and the best friend in the whole world
and dying was just part of living again in the next world. We all go there
sometime. Don't cry for me and be the best person you can. Love, Pete."

	Joey held the letter to his breast and cried in joy and
happiness. He sobbed like a baby and really cried, letting all the hurt and
anger of the past year pour out of his soul. When he had let it all out, he
wiped his eyes, looked heavenward and said, "I love you, Pete! I'll see you
again someday."

	Finally, he set the letter in the lid of the box and pulled out the
photo album. There were all the pictures of their lives together from grade
school to high school. Joey laughed and cried and laughed some more as he
looked at every picture. When he was done, he gathered the letter and put
it in the box and headed home.

	"Where did you go?" his mom asked as he walked in.

	"To my old school. Look what Pete gave me. It's a scrapbook of our
times together. Isn't it wonderful? And he wrote me a great letter, but
that's personal. I know he's happy where he is and I need to be happy
too. He wants me to be."

	"Oh, dear this is so wonderful." His mom turned the pages, looking
at the pictures and wiping tears from her eyes.

	"Guess we won't need that shrink after all," his dad teased. He
grabbed Joey around the neck and gave him a squeeze.

	"Nope. I guess not." Joey smiled at Scott and went to his room to
hide his letter in the closet chest.  Joey remembered the box in his car
trunk. He went out and pulled it from the trunk and walked over to the
trash can. He opened the lid and started to toss it in. Then, he
stopped. "No," he said. "I'll save it for my honeymoon with whoever that
turns out to be with. Only problem will be which one will I wear - the
Rudolph boxers or the negligee?" He chuckled at his little joke and headed
in to stash the box away.

	Scott followed him into his bedroom and shut the door. "So you're
all better, huh? What about the gay thing?"

	"Scott, I honestly don't know. But I'm going to do some dating and
figure it out. I promise I won't embarrass you or disappoint mom and dad
right now, okay?"

	"Yeah, sure you're gonna date."

	"No serious. Look I'll try and make one right now." Joey called the
number he'd gotten at the church. "Hello, Polly? Hey, this is Joey. I'm so
glad we met at the church last night. It was really great. So, Polly, I
was, umm, wondering, how about if we go see a movie this afternoon and then
afterward, if you want to, I could make good on what I promised you? Yeah,
you want to? Awesome. I'll pick you up at three."

	Scott shrugged. "Cool. Welcome back, bro." They high fived and Joey
smiled in satisfaction as his brother walked out the door.

*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*

Merry Christmas. I hope you enjoyed my sequel to A Christmas Wish. Have a
Merry Christmas and follow your heart, wherever it leads. I would love to
hear from my readers. It would be a very nice Christmas gift if you would
email me and let me know if you enjoyed my story. I loved creating it. May
all your Christmas Wishes be fulfilled.

Sincerely, Hans.

Email your comments to h.schreiber@hushmail.com