Date: Mon, 7 Dec 2015 01:04:48 -0500
From: JAMES HEADY <vector18@msn.com>
Subject: a Safe Place--Chapter 21

A Safe Place
By
James

Disclaimer

This is a story which deals with sexual as well as romantic situations
between teenaged males.  Should you not be of the legal age to read such
material or if you're offended by this type of story, then please find
something else to read.  Also remember to donate to Nifty so that these
stories can remain free to the public.

Finally, e-mails are always welcome to my inbox.  I can be reached at
vector18@msn.com and I always reply to e-mails.  Don't hesitate to contact
me about the story or for any other reason.  I do like content of the
e-mails to pertain to the story starting out, but I'll talk with anyone
about almost anything.

Also, I do hope people are getting something out of this story.  Though
parts of the storyline are dark and at times sad, these things like what
Christian, Kevin and Cody have gone through do happen in reality.  Far
worse, is that because our society can't recognize abuse for what it is and
unless they see right before their eyes a child get raped, slapped or
cussed at, then they refuse to see it.  It's even more worse when people in
positions of authority abuse kids then hide behind their shield of
authority.  An example of this is when the dining hall monitor yelled at
Cody in one of the previous chapters.

Being at The Ohio State School for the Blind for almost four years, I saw
the links to which some of the teachers would go to make a student do what
they wanted them to do.  More often than not, they'd use their authority
for little more than just showing the student that they were in charge.  My
message is, that it's not our job to take power.  Should an authority
figure be in a position of authority only because they know how and what to
teach someone either in school or at a job, then they should be listened to
in so far as they're respectful when utilizing their authority as a means
by which to teach what the job is.  Should they be using their authority as
little more than an adversarial type of authority as a means by which to
abuse and dominate, then it's not our job to respect, take or put up with
any of that bullshit.  That being said, I hope this story can help people
to understand that they're not alone if they're being abused by others in
our society.

James: November 2015

Caleb

Life has a way of turning on you quickly.  I found that out shortly after
that Thanksgiving weekend.  It started on Tuesday afternoon when Greyson
and Daniel got home from school.  Nathan was working and so it was just
myself there at the house when the boys arrived home.  Daniel said hi to me
then hugged me.  Greyson did the same, but he only put an arm around my
back, then went to his and Daniel's room.  Daniel stood beside me and I
invited him to sit down beside me on the couch.

"Is he okay?" I asked.

"He's been short all day today," Daniel said.  "He also took a little
longer to come up with some of the answers when the teachers would call on
him in class."

"I know he doesn't like some of the subjects, but he still studies enough
so that he doesn't have problems like that," I said.  "Was it like that in
every class today?"

"Yeah, it was," Daniel said and I could hear in his voice that he was
getting worried and I began thinking back to when Aaron stayed over that
weekend.  I was sure that they had had him sleep in their bed with them and
more than that, I was sure that they had been fooling around sexually.  I
didn't have much of a concern about this in so far as they were respectful
of one another's comfort zones and boundaries.  Was that it?  Had something
gone too far, or had Greyson been alright with it at the time and was just
now beginning to feel bad about whatever it was they did?  "Daniel, I want
to ask you something and I want to promise you right now that I'm not angry
and I won't be mad.  You just have to tell me the truth okay?"

"Uh, okay," he said unsure.  "Uh, I promise."

"I know that Aaron stayed in your and Greyson's room with you guys this
weekend when he was over here and I want to ask if you guys let him sleep
in your bed with you."

"Yeah," Daniel said looking down.  "We let him sleep between us."

"It's okay Daniel," I said and put an arm around him.  "I also want to ask
you something else."

"Okay," he said as he began trembling.

"Did you guys maybe do some things, maybe some sexual things that maybe you
guys thought would be okay at the time, but now you guys don't think was
such a good idea?"

He was crying now and I held him in my arms.

"Please don't be mad at me, not at Aaron or Greyson either," he said
through his tears.

"I'm not mad," I said softly.  "I've always said that we won't keep you
guys from enjoying another friend's body sexually provided you guys respect
that when "No" is said then it stops, use protection if you guys think it's
necessary and stay within one another's boundaries.  It's just that I want
to cover all possibilities."

"I understand," he said as he dried his eyes.  "Yeah, Greyson and I played
around with Aaron while he was here and we all three did everything you
taught us.  It couldn't be that.  At least I don't think it is."

"Well, we'll find out," I said.

While Daniel began his homework, I went to their room and knocked softly on
the door.  I heard Greyson call for whoever it was to come in and I did.  I
closed the door and walked to his bed where he was either sitting or lying.
I got up to it and I felt and he was lying down on his side facing me.

"How are you?" I asked sitting on the edge of the bed and twisting my upper
body so I could face him.

"I'm fine," he said in an annoyed tone.

"Daniel tells me you got short with people today," I said.  "Is there
anything going on that you want to talk about?"

"Damn it!" he yelled and sat up angrily.  "No, alright!"

"Greyson," I began.  I listened for his voice when he got upset and I could
hear that it was coming from behind his arms.  I knew he was holding his
head.  "Why are you holding your head like that?"

"I just have a headache okay!" he said getting more agitated.

I put an arm around him and pulled him close.  He leaned in to me, but his
body was still tightened up.

"Okay," I said.  "It's alright.  I just want to make sure you'll be okay."

I went on to tell him what Daniel told me about their sexual stuff with
Aaron that weekend and he confirmed what his brother had said.

"Are you sure you're not feeling guilty or upset about any of what you guys
did?" I asked.  "Sometimes you don't start feeling bad about it until later
on like in a few days or longer."

"No," he said starting to calm down.  "I'm fine with what the three of us
did."

"Okay," I said and stroked his hair.

We sat like that for a few minutes, then he motioned for me to let go of
him and I did.  He looked at me and he sucked in a sharp intake of breath.

"Greyson?" I asked taking hold of his shoulder.  "What?"

"It's weird," he said in a worried tone of voice.  "You're in the room, but
it's like there's two of you."

"What?" I asked getting scared.  "Greyson, it's only me in the room."

"I can see another of you," he said.

I sat there not knowing what to think, then he spoke again.

"I'm not sure where I am," he was scared now and his voice was that of a
little boy who was scared and had no idea what was going on.

"You're in your bedroom," I said.  "Greyson, do you know who I am?"

"What?" he asked and I knew he was trying hard to think.  "I don't know
your name."

"It's me," I said trying to keep my fear under control.  "It's Caleb, your
dad."

He seemed to remember, then he reached for me and wrapped his arms around
my torso tightly.

"Dad I'm scared!" he said and began to sob hard.  "What's wrong with me!"

"I don't know," I said.  "We'll find out though."

Nathan

I pulled up to the house and I felt deep in my soul that something was
wrong.  I had just gotten off the phone with Caleb and he called when I was
getting in the car after having finished up work for that day.  He asked me
where I was and I told him that I was getting in the car.  He told me to
get home quickly and said that Greyson was having a problem, but he
wouldn't say over the phone what it was.  He was scared though, I could
hear it in his voice and I knew that things were about to change.

I used the hand controls to operate the gas and breaks in my car so I could
drive on my own and was able to make it home quicker than I had before.  I
figured that I broke the speed limit, but was fortunate not to be stopped
by the police.

I got out of my van and transferred out of it and in to my wheelchair.  I
wheeled up to the door and it was opened quickly.  Caleb and Daniel's white
and scared faces were looking at me.

I got in the house and they were running to me and I held them and helped
them to calm down.

Caleb

I told Nathan what happened and Daniel told him about how Greyson's
behavior was at school earlier that day.  I felt myself going cold inside
and I was scared for Greyson.

Nathan

My insides were ice-cold with fear and worry for whatever might be going on
with our son.  I turned to Caleb, then we heard something fall in Greyson
and Daniel's room.

Caleb

"Oh hell," I said getting more scared.

We went to their room and I heard odd vocal sounds emanating from the room.
I opened the door and we went in.

"I think he's having a seizure!" Nathan yelled and wheeled over to him.

Daniel and I went over and all three of us helped hold Greyson so that he
wouldn't hit his head.  It was horrible to listen to and to feel his body
jerking and thrashing like that.

"Nathan call 911!" I yelled, but I no sooner said that and he was beginning
to tell an operator what was going on.  He put the phone on speaker and she
was taking down our address and the details as to what was happening.

I sat in the waiting room of the hospital with Daniel on one side and
Nathan on the other.  He was parked in his wheelchair on my right where
there was space and Daniel was sitting in the remaining chair for that side
of the room right beside me holding my hand tightly.

I struggled to say something, but nothing came to mind.  I just sat there
with one hand being gripped by Nathan and the other by Daniel.  I guess we
were communicating to one another but without words and a small bit of calm
came over me just knowing they both were there.  Just then, I heard
footsteps walking behind a door and the door opened.  The footsteps came
towards us and stopped.

"I'm DR. Michaels," a soft-spoken man said.  "I'm the neurologist who will
be helping on Greyson's case."

"Hi Dr.," I said and stood to shake his hand.

I introduced him to Daniel and Nathan, then he had us follow him to a
conference room.

"We got back Greyson's films," he began after sitting down across from us.
"There's a mass."

"Please, just tell us what the bottom line is," I said looking directly
across the table at him.

"It's a tumor," he said and I could hear concern and sadness in his voice.
"We were able to confirm that much.  Now, we need to get it biopsied and
sent down to Pathology where they'll let us know whether or not it's
malignant."

"So you don't know if it's cancer?" Daniel asked close to tears.

"We don't know that yet," Dr. Michaels replied turning his head to look at
Daniel.  "We do know that it's close to the centers of his brain which deal
with the regulation of memories and other functions.  Unfortunately,
there's a cluster of blood vessels supplying it with blood so it's probably
going to get larger and begin pushing against other structures which could
lead to other problems if not worse."

"So even if it's not cancer," I began.  "It could still be dangerous and
something will have to be done quickly either way?"

"That's correct," he replied.  "Even if it's benign, because the tumor is
connected to that small cluster of vessels, it's going to be dangerous
should we not do something quickly for the simple fact that it could start
disrupting healthy functions of other near-by centers of the brain."

"What does Greyson know so far?" Nathan asked.

"When you guys called for the ambulance and they came," Dr. Michaels began.
"He had stopped seizing a few minutes before they arrived from what I read
in the log.  When he got here, he had been sedated to prevent any further
seizures so he's been out since he got here.  So he doesn't know anything
right now.  He won't until he wakes up and we all can talk to him."

"Okay," Nathan replied.

"When can we see him?" I asked.

"I'll see if the nurses are still in with him," Dr. Michaels replied.
"He's in room 331 and when I left to come down here, they were checking his
vitals.  I'll let you guys know here in a moment."

"Thanks," I said.

"You're welcome," he replied and left the room for a moment.

We sat there and Daniel was leaning in to my side as I had my arm around
him.  He was crying and Nathan was struggling to keep himself under control
as well.  I wasn't even close to tears, at least not yet anyway.  I didn't
feel numb by any means, but I still had some calm and I probably needed it
if I was going to be there for my husband and our boys.

"I'm scared for him dad," Daniel said as he sobbed hard.

"It's okay to be scared," I said as I held him close.  "I'm scared too."

Once Dr. Michaels came back and told us that Greyson was finished being
examined by the nurses, we went up and went in to his room where he was
waking up.

"Dad?" he called out turning to the door.

"We're here," I said stepping forward and walking up to the edge of his
hospital bed.  "I'm here and so is Nathan and Daniel."

"What happened?" he asked.

Once I got chairs for Daniel and I and once we all three were seated on
either side of his bed, I told him what Dr. Michaels had told us.

"If it is cancer," Greyson began.  "Does he think we found it in time?"

"He's not going there right now," I said.  "He wants to get a sample of it
and have it examined which shouldn't take long given that he's put a rush
on your case."

When Dr. Michaels came back from talking with the nurses just before he
took us to Greyson's room, he said that he wanted to do the biopsy in the
morning on the next day.  He said he'd put a rush on it and I was relieved
to hear that at least.

"If it is cancer," Nathan said as he held Greyson's hand.  "We'll deal with
it as best we can."

"We all are here for you," I said.  "I don't want you to ever forget that."

"I won't," Greyson said.

"I'll be by your side through this just like with everything else," Daniel
said.

"Thanks," Greyson said turning to him.

"You're welcome," Daniel replied and kissed his cheek.

Greyson was asleep now and Daniel was lying beside him on a cot they
brought in for him.  I was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room and
Nathan was sitting in his chair beside me.  We sat in silence and I was
trying to process everything and I still had that calm, but I knew that
wouldn't last long.  Eventually though, visiting hours ended and we all
three said goodnight to Greyson even though he continued to sleep on.

Back at the house, Daniel was practically asleep as we walked him to his
and Greyson's room and helped him off with his pants, shoes and socks.  He
had on a regular short-sleeved shirt with no buttons so we didn't need to
worry about that.  We got him in to bed and covered him, then kissed him
goodnight.

Once in the living room, Nathan wheeled up to the couch where I was sitting
and transferred out of his chair and on to the couch and he snuggled up to
me.  I put my arms around him and we kissed softly, then he put his arms
around me with my head resting on his shoulder.  It was at that point that
the calm broke.

My tears began and it all hit me.  Our son as well as Daniel's brother
could be dying.  I knew or thought I knew how to protect Nathan and my kids
from bad things, but how does one protect their child from the child's own
body that wants to harm them?  It came from all sides crushing me and my
heart was breaking.  I was sobbing hard and I never felt this kind of pain,
fear and helplessness!

"Our son!" I said through my tears.  "No, it isn't!  This, this isn't
happening!"

Nathan was slowly and gently rocking me as I cried for our son and I at
that point, was wishing with the final and desperate wishes of a drowning
man that this was a dream and that I'd wake up finding that Greyson and
Daniel were in bed sleeping sound and safe, but I knew that it wasn't and
that this was horribly real and true in ways that were ripping me apart and
shattering my soul!

After several minutes, my tears began to slow and soon they were gone, but
I still felt sick.  Nathan was drying his own eyes and we just continued to
hold one another and sit there in silence.  There didn't seem to be
anything to say.

Later though, Nathan and I got our shower and fell exhausted in to bed.
Nathan fell fast asleep, but I lay there awake and thinking about Greyson.
I knew that in some ways, he still felt like he was damaged goods from the
rapes he had suffered and that he might never be good enough for anyone,
but he was good enough for Daniel, Nathan and I.  He was the best person we
ever knew and I would continue to spend the rest of our lives and his
showing him that, if he was able to live long enough to have a full life.

Lying there in the darkness, I thought back to us as kids and though part
of my mind wanted to continue to focus on Greyson's troubles, the other
part took me back regardless of what I wanted and I remembered.

Chapter 21

Caleb

That weekend went by fast and I wished it could have continued.  It was
wonderful spending that time alone with Nathan and I felt like we were an
actual adult couple living on our own.  We went that Saturday afternoon to
the main house and visited with my parents, Kevin and Cody as well as with
Alicia.  Eric was with her that day and her and him seemed to be really
getting along.

We had dinner there at the house as well and after Kevin and Cody went back
to his house, we went back to the guest house and talked and just lay in
one another's arms.  We also made love several times while we were there
and it was amazing like always.  It was truly the best weekend I had ever
had.

Kevin

That weekend with Cody was wonderful.  We made love a few times and at one
point on Saturday came over to my house and we had dinner and visited with
the family for a bit.  Justin was doing well and he and Cody drew and
talked for a while, then we went back to the house.  It was probably my
favorite weekend, at least one of a few favorite weekends.  I felt like an
adult living with my soulmate at that point and when Sunday came along, I
was sad to see it end, but I kept thinking that I'd see Cody the next day
at school.

Caleb

That Sunday night, I lay in bed thinking over the weekend and suddenly I
heard a knock at my door.

"Come in," I said.

The door opened and from the way the footsteps sounded, I knew it was
Justin.  He closed the door and came up to my bed.

"Can I lay beside you for a bit?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied and scooted over closer to the wall and he got up on my
bed.  He turned towards me and snuggled in to me.  I put my arm around him
and held him.  We stayed like that for a moment, then he lifted his head
off my chest and I could sense his eyes on me.

"I just talked to Uncle Bill and Aunt Maria," he began in a small voice.

"What did they say?" I asked.

"I was asking them about my mom," he began.  "They said that when I was out
with Alicia today, my mom called the house and when Aunt Maria asked when
she'd like to see me now that she's at the treatment center, she said she'd
get back to her on that."

Justin's mom had been taken to one of the treatment centers here in Sangger
four days ago and Justin had been asking when he could see her.  In my
heart, I somehow knew with a cold certainty that he'd never see her again.
I didn't know how or why, but I knew that somehow, some way he wouldn't
ever have her in his life, either because she would die soon, or if not
that, she'd continue to do things which would continue to insure that their
mother/son relationship would never be right or healthy.

"Maybe she'll ask to see you in a few days once she gets more settled in to
where she's at," I offered.

"Maybe," he responded and lay his head back on my chest.

A silence began to take form between us and I began drifting off when I
felt Justin lift his head again.

"Caleb?" he asked.

"Hmmmm?" I said.

"I won't ever get to see her again will I," he asked, but it was a
statement.  He was crying now and I held him close and rocked him gently.

"I'm right here Justin," I said.  "I'll always be here for you."

"I just want my mom," he said sobbing harder now.

"I know you do," I said as I struggled to keep it together for him.

After he had calmed down and dried his eyes, we stayed like that a little
longer, then I checked my clock.  It was almost time for us all to get to
bed.  I helped Justin up and I walked with him to his room.

I helped him in to bed and pulled the covers up over him.  Once he was
turned on his stomach which was how he liked to sleep, I kissed his cheek
and we shared a hug, then he turned back on to his stomach again.

"Goodnight Justin," I said as I stroked his hair for a moment.

"Goodnight Caleb," he said.  "I love you."

"I love you too," I said and kissed his cheek again.

Once back in my own room, I was under the covers when a knock sounded.

The door pushed open, as I hadn't shut it enough for it to latch and I
looked in the direction of the doorway.

"Lights out Caleb," my mom said and walked over to my bed.  She had shut
off the overhead light and it was just my lamp that was still on.

She sat down on the edge of the bed for a moment and I looked up at her.

"Justin was in here for a few minutes," I said.  I told her what we had
talked about and she stroked my hair.

"At this point," she began in a sad tone.  "Though it would hurt him badly,
I think in the long run that he'd be better off if she did leave.  Like I
said, it would hurt him at first and badly, but maybe down the road without
that constant giving and taking of hope coupled with him seeing Michael or
Josh for some counseling and help, then maybe he'd be okay.  It would be
better than what's happening to him now."

"I feel the same way," I said.  "How was he on the parts of the weekend
when Nathan and I were away?"

"He was fine," she said.  "He was doing a lot better."

"I'm glad," I responded.

My dad came in and we all three said goodnight and after I shut off the
lamp and heard the door close, I turned on my stomach and fell fast asleep.

That week at school would be a short one since Thanksgiving would be coming
soon.  I was excited for it and we had been planning out what we would do
for it.  My parents offered for Nathan and Cody to join us at our house and
Amy and Melissa were happy about it.  Nathan and Cody smiled when we talked
to them about it that weekend and it seemed as though things were coming
together in that regard.

0000

Eric Edwardson

I came home from school that cold and snowy Monday and I wondered what
would be waiting on me.  Max had been getting worse and that weekend, he
argued with our parents several times and didn't stop until in frustration
and worry, they left his room.  I knew he was being bullied and I suspected
that it was getting worse and that there was more to it than that, but he
wouldn't say much.

It was only I who knew that he was gay.  He didn't feel comfortable coming
out to our parents yet.  I knew they'd be accepting towards him, but
something was still scaring him.  Once I had the door closed, I went to
Max's room and knocked.  He answered the door and he looked like he hadn't
slept all night.  I reached out my arm to hug him and he backed away
quickly.

"Can I come in?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said and walked over to the bed and lay back down.

I came in and sat in the chair across from his bed and looked at him.  He
lay there on his side facing me and he was in a fetal position and wrapped
as tightly as he could get himself.  It didn't look comfortable at all.

"Did you just get home before me?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said.  "I got my homework done in study hall today, so you guys
don't have to worry about that."

He said that last part in a sneering tone.

"It's not the homework we're worried about," I said.  "Come on man!  We're
worried about you!"

He looked up at me and the look in his eyes broke me.  He looked like a boy
who was struggling, and had been for the longest time.  He also had in his
eyes, that look of a boy struggling and not only could he not remember why
or how it began, but that he was exhausted and tired of running.  Max was
only 14 and he looked like he was trapped in a nightmare and none of us
knew how to help him.

"I changed my mind," he said.  "Please go."

"Max'''," I began.

"Just go!" he yelled.

"Okay," I said standing up.

I left his room and went back to my own and as best as I could, started my
homework.  I didn't know just how much worse his situation could get.

0000

The next day, Max was at school and he was walking to lunch when Coach
Howards stopped him.  Max looked up at him and he felt his insides go cold.

"You won't forget about our meeting after school will you?" Coach asked him
with a leering smile.

No, of course Max wouldn't forget about the meetings after school they had
accept for on Mondays.  Max had been on the swim team which he enjoyed in
the beginning, but one day at the beginning of September, Coach stopped him
in the hall after the third swim practice and told him that he needed to
practice more and that he wanted to see how Max was performing the
different swim techniques.  So that day after school, Max went to Coach's
office and he got changed in to a pair of swim shorts and Coach told him to
sit down beside him at his desk.  They began talking, and as the
conversation continued, he began rubbing Max's leg, then it slowly got up
to his upper thigh and further.

After it was over that first time, it would go on with the coach making Max
service him.  He also made it a point to tell Max that he'd tell his
parents and he would make them think that it was all Max's fault as well
should Max try to alert anyone.

Max did the best he could to take his mind away when he'd do this, but
several times, Coach would stimulate him after he gave the Coach his few
minutes of oral sex, and after it was done, Coach would do the same to him.
Max felt aroused, but powerless to stop himself and at the same time, he
hated everything that was going on and he now hated himself and back in
October was the point at which he began cutting.

Standing there at the lockers, Max looked up at the coach and he hated the
dirty smile on the man's face.

"Just remember our appointment today," he said and smiled.

Max turned to his locker and opened it just as he felt a hand on his
shoulder.

"What appointment is that you little fagot?" one of his bullies asked and
spun him around.  "Yeah, I saw you looking up at Coach just a moment ago as
I got closer."

The boy's name was Bryan and he was the more frequent of the bullies.

"Nothing," Max replied.

"No?" Bryan asked.  "Looked kind of serious to me."

"Just leave me the fuck alone!" Max yelled and pulled free.

Bryan grabbed him and slammed him up against the locker door next to his
opened one.

"No fagot," Bryan said leaning closer so that his nose was almost touching
Max's.  "I'm not going to leave you the fuck alone.  I'll never do that.
Now I want you to remind me what you are."

"No," Max said trying to turn his head away.

"Do it!" Bryan said in a low hateful tone.  "Fucking do it right now!  You
know what you are."

"Why Bryan?" Max said as his tears flowed freely now.  "Why are you doing
this to me!"

"That's not what I want to hear you fucking cock sucker!" he said and
pressed Max harder against the locker.  "You know what I want to hear."

"Fine!" Max said as he sobbed harder.  "I'm just a fagot!  Okay!  Is that
what you want to fucking hear!"

"And you're sick, disgusting and a nasty pervert," Bryan said.  "Don't
forget that.  Yep, you're just one sick and filthy little bastard."

He let Max go and he walked away as Max ran to the boys room and locked
himself in one of the stalls and sobbed.  He didn't care at this point if
anyone heard him.

After he was finished crying, he dried his eyes and left.  He had his lunch
and struggled through the rest of the day.

Once the day was done, Max walked to the Coach's office and the man was
waiting for him.  He did what the creep told him to do, and he endured
another orgasm of his own thanks to Coach's exploitation.

After it was over, he went home in a complete fog.  Once back at the house,
he sat on his bed and he felt himself losing his mind even more.

Eric

I arrived home and went to Max's room first.  He was sitting on his bed
looking in to space and I grew worried for him.

"Max?" I called.  "I'm home."

"I know," he said in the most flat and lifeless voice I had ever heard.  I
never heard a voice like that before and another look at his eyes showed
that there was nothing in them.

"Max?" I called and walked towards him.

"What," he said in that dead voice.

"Max," I said.  "You're scaring me!"

He stood up and walked past me and I followed him.  I walked along and he
was headed towards our dad's office and I began to get more worried.  Given
his state of mind lately, I was becoming more and more scared that he'd try
to harm himself, if he wasn't already doing that.  In our dad's office was
his gun and I didn't like this at all.

As we walked in there, he crossed the room to the desk and I ran towards
him.

"Max no!" I yelled.  I ran at him and grabbed him, but he shoved me away
violently and unlocked the top drore.  I got up off the ground and walked
toward him as he put the gun to his head.

"Max!" I yelled moving towards him quickly.  "No!  Don't do this!"

"Just go," he said.

"No!" I yelled and grabbed out and my hands connected with his shoulders.
I found his arm the hand of which held the gun.  I grabbed it and we fell
to the floor struggling over the gun.  It went off a couple of times and
when I got it away from him, I threw it down the hall and he looked at me.

"Just let me die," he said with a little life coming to his voice now.
"You guys don't need me."

"That's not true!" I yelled and grabbed for him.

He ran out of the room and his footsteps were taking him in the direction
of the kitchen and I followed.  I grabbed him again once I caught up to
him.  I grabbed him and spun him around.

"No!" he yelled and tried to pull away.  "Let me go!"

"No I won't!" I yelled back.  "I'm not letting you do this to yourself!  I
love you and you're my brother!  I'm here for you and you know that!"

"I can't take this anymore!" he screamed to the top of his lungs.

"It's okay," I said trying to pull him in to a hug.  "I'm here for you.
It's going to be alright."

He tried to pull away and he began emitting a low growl as he tried to
fight me.  It was deep in his throat, and it was getting stronger and
increasing in pitch and in volume.  He had his teeth exposed in an
animalistic snarl, but his eyes were full of fright and bright with animal
terror.  His vocal expressions were now slowly developing in to a loud
scream.

There were no words, just that horrible long and increasingly loud scream.

"Max!" I yelled.  "Max!"

He began sagging to the ground and I eased him down.  I took one of his
arms and pressed down hard to see if it would bring him out of whatever was
going on, but it didn't.  He didn't react to it, and probably didn't feel
it, but he didn't snap out of it either.  He continued with that scream
which was now getting louder.

"Max!" I yelled.  "You're here with me!  You're safe!"

I pressed one of my fingers hard against his ribs, and still nothing.  His
scream was now morphing in to long loud screams of the same volume and same
ear-splitting pitch and I was pleading in my mind for him to stop or for
something that could make him stop!

He was on his side now, tightened up in a ball still emitting those long
screams.  His head turned and his face was turn towards me and his eyes
were wide and wild with terror.  In those eyes, I saw madness, fear of a
deep kind the likes of which I had never known and I knew that mentally
speaking he was gone.

I ran to the phone and called 911, then our parents.

0000

Cody sat in his Special ED class with the teacher who sometimes substituted
for the regular teacher.  He didn't like the regular teacher much, because
of the fact that she always talked to him like he was a little 5-year-old
child.  He knew he had trouble learning things, but he didn't like how she
was seemingly making him feel low because of it.

When the sub who was there that Tuesday would fill in, she always yelled at
Cody.  She yelled at the other kids as well, but Cody figured that they
needed it some of the time, given that they had behavioral issues and from
what he could see, they intentionally chose not to listen to her.  She'd
have to repeat herself several times when they would ignore her, only she'd
scream to the top of her lungs at them.

Cody wasn't even spared this indignity as she'd scream loudly at him if he
didn't get an answer to the Math problem correct.  Math was always his
hardest subject and he just barely understood it.  On the days she'd sub,
she'd make Cody stay after school and she'd always tell his mom when she'd
come to pick him up, that he wasn't understanding the material.  He didn't
tell his mom much of how she'd yell at him and lose her patients, and
neither would the sub teacher.

Mrs. Smith was her name, and as Cody sat there she slammed a book on the
desk.

"Cody!" she yelled.  "I asked you to answer the question!"

"I heard the question," he said trying to remain calm.  "I'm just thinking
of the answer."

He was afraid that the other kids in the class, most of whom were bigger
than him and mostly bullies might pick on him which they had been known to
do from time to time.  He was afraid that they'd start now.

"You heard the question?" she asked walking right up to his desk and
leaning just inches from his face.  "Then repeat back the question and give
me the answer."

"The question was 5 times 6," he said beginning to shake.  She backed up
and stood over him looking down at him.

"And the answer?" she asked tightening her face in to a hateful look.

"12?" he said and felt close to tears.

The class roared in laughter and she slammed her fist down on the desk.
Cody jumped and he felt closer to tears now.

"This is absolutely ridiculous!" she yelled at him.  "The answer is 30, you
idiot!  I don't know what makes you think you're so special that you get to
waste my time like this!"

"I'''I'''I'''I'm not trying to waste your time," he began as his eyes were
now bright with unshed tears.  "I just don't understand Math that well.  I
thought you knew that."

"Here's what I know," she said pointing her finger in his face.  "You're
staying after school today and you're not leaving until we get this stuff
figured out."

"No!" he yelled and began crying.  "I need to get home sometime this
evening!"

"You're lucky that I'm even going to let you leave at some point this
afternoon," she said.  "Most dumb kids like you are in group homes and they
stay there forever.  That's where you should be, rather than here being a
parasite sucking our society dry and costing us tax payers money!"

"I'm not a parasite," he said as he put his head in his hands.

She turned to the class and smiled.  Cody watched her and he felt like he
could wet himself at any moment.

"Class," she said.  "On the count of three, I want you to repeat after me.
Cody, you're a brainless idiot and you should be put away so we don't have
to be around you."

They repeated it, then everyone laughed, all except Cody.  He was sobbing
now and he had his head in his hands and he felt himself lose control of
his bladder.

"See that you freak!" Mrs. Smith yelled looking down at him.  "Even they
think so.  You're lucky I don't call Children Services and tell them that
your mother isn't a good mother.  I also see that black-haired boy you hang
with around the school.  You think he really cares about you?  You think he
really loves you?  Yeah, I see the looks you and him give one another.
It's disgusting is what it is.  You're lucky I don't also tell Children
Services that that boy is sexually abusing you and have him and your mom
put in prison.  Then you could go to a nursing home for people like you and
I wouldn't have to have my time wasted."

"Kevin does love me," Cody said through his tears.  "I know that and they
wouldn't believe you about what you'd tell them about him or my mom."

"You don't know how well I could make them believe me," she said in a
hateful tone.  "We're going through these problems again and if you give me
the wrong answer again or if you screw around one more time, then I'll call
the authorities and that boy and your mom will be put in prison tonight.  I
mean that.  You won't ever get to see them ever again.  You'll go to a
group home for freaks like you.  They'll make you do what they want there
and you won't get to have your drawing materials, your so-called friends,
your mom and you won't get to enjoy your sunny days nor will you be allowed
to listen to your music ever again.  I still can't believe you actually
think that boy or your mom actually love you.  Don't you realize that
people say a lot of things just to keep idiots like you quiet and out of
their way!"

"No!" Cody yelled again and his bladder let go once more.  "It isn't true!"

"Well, whatever you want to think," she said and smirked.  "Anything else
to say before we get started again?"

"Yeah," a new voice said.  "Get the fuck away from my friend right now, you
fucking Bitch!"

0000

Kevin

I walked down the hall to my last class and heard yelling and I knew it was
a teacher.  I heard some of the replies from the voice of whoever it was
being yelled at.  I couldn't make them out since they were mostly
unintelligible because of the person crying, but then I heard the name
"Kevin and something about love and I knew it was Cody who she was yelling
at.  I hadn't ever stayed long enough to ever see how his special ED
classes played out each day, but I saw some of the kids around the building
sometimes who were his classmates and they weren't sweet and kind like he
was.  They were more often than not, being suspended from time to time due
to various infractions against school policies and other such things.  I
figured I'd stop by and the door was resting against the door jam, but not
latched all the way.  I quietly opened the door and saw the teacher
standing over him.  I met her in the halls a couple of times when walking
to various classes of my own and though she would say hi to me when I said
it first, there was nothing warm or inviting in her tone at all.

After I told her to get the fuck away from him, they both looked up at me.
I walked towards Cody's desk and he jumped up knocking over his chair in
the process.  He ran to me and wrapped his arms tightly around me.  I had
to have him ease his grip a little and though he listened and did as I
asked, he was still holding on to me tightly.

"Yeah, the lovebirds are getting it on right here," a boy said from my
right.

"Shut up," I said turning my head to face him.

"You're interrupting my class," Mrs. Smith said walking up to us.

I got Cody to let go of me, but I allowed him to hold my hand.  He gripped
it tightly and it was cold as ice.

"Oh I am huh," I said looking directly at her.  "Oh, I'm so sorry.  Thing
is though, I kind of have a problem with teachers using their authority to
beat up on kids, especially ones who are different in the way they
experience things."

"Oh, is that what you're calling it?" she asked stepping closer to me.
"Why don't you call it what it is.  He's a retarded idiot who won't ever
amount to anything and once he gets to a certain place in his life, he'll
go to a home for people like him."

"That's not going to happen," I said.

"Why don't you just leave so I can get back to trying to teach him at least
one thing before the day is out."

"The only place I'm going is to the admin office to let Mr. Evans know
what's going on," I said as I turned and guided Cody to the door.

"He won't believe you," she said.

"I guess we're going to find out who he'll fucking believe," I said as I
neared the door only to find my Science teacher Mr. Brooks standing there
filling the doorway.

"This looks rather lively," he said in a good-natured voice, but he wasn't
smiling.

"Oh, it's nothing," I said stepping up to him.  "Just a boy who didn't do
anything to anyone being abused for no reason by a teacher who thinks that
because she has the ability to abuse that somehow, that gives her the
right.  Now unless you're going to help Cody and I, then I have to tell you
to get out of the way.  I'm really not in the mood."

"It's okay Kevin," he said.  "Just come with me and we'll call your and
Cody's parents.  I'll take you to Mr. Evans office and we'll get this
sorted out."

"I'll do as you ask," I said.  "But there's nothing to sort out as you so
diplomatically put it.  This woman was verbally and emotionally abusing my
friend and I could hear it as I was walking near, then close to this door
on my way to your class.  You're just two doors down past this room, so I
don't know how you couldn't have heard something.  It doesn't matter
though, let's just go and get this taken care of."

Once at the principal's office, Cody and I sat down beside one another at
the desk across from Mr. Evans.  He sat there watching both of us and
Mr. Brooks sat across from us.  I told him what I heard and with gentle
help from me, Cody told him the whole story.

"Well, I'm sure that we can work this out," he said.  I felt my guts
tighten with fear and hate for him.  My body tingled and tightened
unpleasantly and I knew something was coming.

"Exactly how do you want to work this out?" I asked.  "This boy, my friend
was verbally abused by a teacher.  One you allowed to come in to this
building.  Whether she's a sub is not the point.  The fact is that she's
here with teaching credentials and on your watch, she abused those teaching
credentials.  So either you'll deal with her or you won't.  For you to say
the words "work something out" implies that you think we all can talk this
out."

"I'm sure we can," he said.  "Why don't I just call her down here and she
can give her side of the story and we'll see how we can negotiate this."

"No!" Cody yelled and gripped my hand harder.  "I don't want to see her
again!"

"Now Cody," Mr. Evans began in a condescending voice that made me want to
slap him.  "There's no need to get excited.  Maybe you misjudged her tone
and maybe you seriously misunderstood what she was trying to say to you."

"Mr. Evans," I began.  "With all due respect, I would like to call my mom,
then Cody's mom.  Cody scares really easily and he's already scared as it
is.  I really don't feel comfortable with the direction you're taking this
meeting at all.  In case you missed it, Cody did tell you that she made
statements about the nature of his and my relationship."

"I didn't miss that," Mr. Evans said.  "She didn't actually come right out
and accuse you two of being gay lovers though did she?  Of course, we'll
need to talk about your public displays of affection towards Cody at the
dance on Friday night."

"She went so far as to accuse me of sexually abusing Cody for one thing," I
said.  "That part enrages me for the simple fact that I had been abused
that way back a couple of years ago.  It might be fun for her to talk that
way about rape, but given that I went through it, I find that very hard to
listen to.  Oh, and exactly what do you mean about my "public displays of
affection" towards Cody.  I realize that he and I essentially outed
ourselves to the school given that we danced with one another most of the
night, but unless we actually said over the intercom that we're boyfriends,
then there's really nothing to talk about.  We do have protections here at
this school for people who are GLBT as it concerns harassment from either
teachers or kids against a student they're doing it to so I'm respectfully
asking you to watch how you speak to us about that."

"Well, most teachers might not understand what you and Cody have and the
same goes for your brother and his friend," Mr. Evans said.

"Unless Caleb and Nathan are raping one another, forcing one another to be
in a relationship with one another or forcing everyone else to watch them
have sex right in front of us all, then I fail to see how whether they're
friends or more than that is anyone else's business but theirs," I said.

"Well, you must understand that I have the image of this school to
protect," Mr. Evans said.  "If I let you and Cody as well as your brother
and his gay lover give public displays of affection to one another, then
I'd have to do this for straight couples as well."

"I haven't verbally confirmed or denied that Cody and I are boyfriends and
neither has Nathan or Caleb," I said.  "Also, I've seen nonGLBT couples
around here hold hands while walking for a moment and last week, I watched
you look right at a guy and girl who have admitted that they're dating.
They were holding hands and he actually gave her a kiss.  A small kiss, but
a kiss none the less.  She kissed back in the same nonprovoking manner and
you did nothing about it.  You simply walked away."

"Even so," Mr. Evans said.  "I can't have my school being given a bad
reputation because of four boys who feel that they can advertise and even
recruit other kids in to their gay ideology.  I'm giving you and Cody an
official reprimand right now that any further public displays of affections
between the two of you and I'll let your brother and his gay lover know
this as well that if I see it a second or third time, then I'll suspend you
guys."

"I'm done here," I said as I looked at my watch.  It was almost 3:00 in the
afternoon and I met Mr. Evans's eyes and tried to keep my voice calm.
"It's almost time to go and I'm calling my parents as well as Cody's mom
right now.  I will not sit here and "work something out".  I also won't
"negotiate something with you and that abuser either."

"You're still not allowed to use your cell phone since class is still going
on," Mr. Evans said.  He moved the desk phone towards me and I picked it up
and called my mom.

0000

Caleb

We were sitting in my room, all of us.  I sat on the edge of my bed and
Nathan sat beside me.  Cody and Kevin were on the foot of my bed laying
there facing us.  Alicia was sitting in her usual spot and the current in
the room was electric enough so that the lights could have been powered
with it rather than the regular grid electricity.  When Kevin called our
parents and Cody's mom, they all three arrived at the school not long
after.  Kevin and Cody were still in Mr. Evans's office and when they
arrived, they told us on the way home that they had talked with Kevin and
Cody, then they came to the classroom in which Nathan and I were assigned
for that last period and they got us.  Nathan's mom was still at work and
was unable to get off since she was in the middle of some sort of emergency
meeting and she had her phone off and the receptionist couldn't disturb the
meeting.  My parents left her a message and we figured that we'd hear back
from her and in the message, they let her know that due to an emergency
situation of our own that Nathan was coming home with us rather than going
to his house to get his bag first before going with us to our house.

On the way home, Kevin and Cody told us everything that went on from the
time that Cody was abused by Mrs. Smith and up until the meeting between
the two of them and Mr. Evans.  Cody's mom followed us to the house at
which point we sat down with her and Cody told her everything he had been
through and he and Kevin together, told her about their nonproductive
meeting with Mr. Evans as well.  She allowed Cody to stay with us while she
went home to get some of his clothes and other things.  I knew he'd be
staying the night even if we hadn't already arranged it for him to stay
with us that night and through Thanksgiving and the day after, at which
point Kevin would go to his house for the weekend.

After Cody's mom left and we got a small snack, we ate it then came to my
room and there was a long silence, then Alicia broke it.

"I'd still like to know who that bastard thinks he is," she said softly and
I heard the hate in her voice.  "I could tell from the way he spoke at
assemblies that he cared mainly about the school's image, but most people
in authority have that concern for their place of business.  I just hoped
he knew how to balance that with his concern for us and all of our needs as
students."

"Clearly he doesn't," I said.

"So we just sit down across the table from him and eat butter cookies and
drink tea and talk with him about how we can help him balance out his
concerns for the school's image with caring for us as students?" Kevin
said.  "I don't mean to be sarcastic or take my anger out on you sis, but
we need to remember what he said at the end of our meeting.  This isn't
about him being overly-focused on one point of concern.  He said the things
he did, for one reason and one reason only.  He doesn't like people or kids
who are GLBT and he's letting us know that, but without all the antigay
name-calling."

"I wished I could have been there," she said.  "I can't believe he actually
called you guys gay lovers.  That makes it sound so cheap."

"Yeah, well fuck him," Nathan said.  "We'll get this figured out and we'll
figure out what to do.  I trust that our parents will figure out what we
can do to fix this."

"I hope so," I said.

Cody in all that time hadn't said anything and I was worried about what
effect all this would have on him.

"You haven't said much since we all got home Cody," I said turning to him.
"How are you feeling right now?"

Once we got home that afternoon, we let Cody go and get a shower from when
he had wet himself and my mom began washing his clothes.  Melissa had his
clothes already there so he changed once he got out of the shower and even
then he was still quiet.

"I'm just kind of tired from everything," he said.

"We'll probably go and lay down for a bit," Kevin said.

"I understand," I said.

They hugged Nathan, Alicia and I then went to lay down in their room.

0000

Kevin

Once in our room, I took Cody in my arms and just held him for a moment.
He held me, but I felt that continuing tightness in his body.  I guided him
over to the bed and we lay down.  I waited to see if he'd say anything and
he lifted his head from my chest and looked at me.  His eyes were wide and
haunted.

"Kevvy?" he said hesitantly.

"Yeah Cody," I said softly.  "What is it?"

"You wouldn't tell me things just to keep me out of the way would you?" he
asked as his lower lip began to tremble.

"Cody I love you more than anything," I said, my voice growing thick with
emotion.  "I'm with you because I love you and you're my friend because I
care deeply for you."

"So you wouldn't ever want to see me go to some home for kids like me?" he
asked.

"No," I said looking deep in to his eyes.

"But you're not able to just relax and have a good time with friends
because you're always having to explain things to me that I don't
understand," he responded.  "So you can't just be care-free and be able to
joke around the way you might want to if you were with other kids."

He was crying now and I held him close and let him get it out of his
system.

"Cody I couldn't ever feel care-free if I had other friends, because they
wouldn't be kind, loving and deeply compassionate like you are," I said
looking deeply in to his eyes once again.  "Other kids don't make me feel
the way you make me feel, not as a friend and certainly not as a boyfriend.
I'm with you as a friend because you make me laugh and also because you
love to talk with me and you listen as I talk.  I'm also with you as a
boyfriend, because you're amazingly sexy, loving and you have more love for
me than any other boy I could be with.  So if I didn't feel care-free or
happy, it would be because of the idea of what it would be like to not have
you in my life.  I can't ever picture my life without you in it and I think
sometimes what it would be like if you weren't in my life and I feel sad
when I think about it.  I think my life would feel really empty without
you.  Sure, I'd have Caleb, Nathan, Alicia and our parents and that would
give my life meaning, but not in the same way that you give my life
meaning.  I love you so much Cody and I want you always to remember that."

I placed my lips on his and began kissing him.  He responded and our kiss
deepened and grew hotter.  We kissed and caressed one another, then he
broke the kiss.

"I love you too so very much Kevvy!" he said.  "You give my life meaning
and you bring a lot of love to my life too.  I feel the exact same way you
do and I want you to remember that as well."

"I'll do that," I responded.

After we finished talking and Cody was considerably more calm, there was a
knock on the door and I told whoever it was to come in.  The door opened
and it was my dad.  He looked troubled, but he also looked a little happy
at the same time.

"I have a little good news," he said sitting down on the foot of the bed
when Cody and I sat up and began sitting on the edge of the bed to focus on
what he was saying.  "Bret is doing better and your mom and I have been
talking with him over the past couple of days towards the end of last week
and part of Yesterday and today."

"Does he have anywhere to go at all?" I asked.

"No," that's what I wanted to talk to you about and I'm just waiting for
your mom to come in here so we can talk to you about it and I'll go and get
Caleb and Nathan as well as Alicia so we can all talk."

Once everyone was in our room, my dad began talking.  The long and short of
it was that he and mom had been talking to Bret about where he would stay
once out of the hospital.  The time for him to be released would be coming,
possibly at the end of the week and when they asked him about it, he
immediately said he'd find a shelter to go to.

Given the types of people my mom and dad were, they immediately objected,
and tried to help him think of other options.  He said that he didn't want
to get in anyone's way and they started talking to him about coming here to
the house to stay.  He began to turn them down, but they asked him to at
least think about it.  He agreed to and that day, he told them that he was
thinking seriously about taking them up on their offer.  If he agreed,
they'd be bringing him here the next day, but they wanted to let us know
and make sure we were alright with it.  We all agreed to it and they said
they'd be leaving to go to the hospital to let him know.  Should he
actually agree to come and stay with us, then it would be a bright spot to
lighten up everything.  Of course, that's if they decided he could go the
next day instead of keeping him until the end of the week.

0000

Bill and Maria sat on either side of Bret's hospital bed with him sitting
up looking at them.  He looked from Bill to Maria and he watched their
faces.

"So you really are alright with me coming to stay with you guys for a
while?" he asked.  "I promise you won't even know I'm there.  I really
don't want to get in anyone's way.  I'll try really hard with that."

"You won't be in anyone's way at all," Maria said.  "You'll get to see
Kevin and Cody which will allow you to get to know them better.  I
understand that you guys were wanting to get together, but then everything
happened."

"Yeah," he said.  "I'd like to get to know them a little better."

"You won't have to worry about us not knowing you're there," Bill said
taking Bret's hand.  "We want you around and I've come to like you and I
want to know you're safe and happy."

"Bret felt his eyes filling and he broke down.  It was partly of sadness
towards everything he had lost, but happiness about what he might gain if
he made the choice.

"I'll go with you guys," he said as they held him.  "I'll move in with you
and I can't say how grateful I am that you guys are helping me."

"We're grateful you're accepting our invitation and our help," Bill said.

"I'm happy you're letting us in to your life," Maria added.

"So am I," he said.

After he dried his eyes and they let him go, he lay back down and looked at
each of them.  He smiled for the first time in what seemed like years and
he began to fall asleep.  They continued to stay with him for a few minutes
longer and after sitting there stroking his hair, Bill and Maria got up and
each kissed him on the forehead and left to return to the house.

Author's Notes

The abuse scene with Cody and Mrs. Smith is based on something in my own
life.  It happened back when I was at The Ohio State School for the Blind
back in the 2001/2002 school year.  One of my friends in our Home EC class
had various learning disabilities and he was having trouble understanding
an assignment one day.  I tried to explain it to him and the substitute
teacher twisted it as if I was trying to be a counselor to him.

He got more and more upset with how she was treating him and I was trying
to get the other kids to leave him alone since they began joining in with
making mean-spirited comments to him.  She eventually told the class that
she was going to say a word and she wanted them to repeat it back.  It was
a word from her native language and translated in to English, it meant
"goat" according to her anyway.

I don't know what language it was, but given that she was from somewhere in
Africa according to her, it must have been from a dialect of that language
or some such offshoot.  So she told them the word and she told them to say
it to my friend which they did.  Of course I didn't join in and I yelled at
them again to stop and by this time, my friend was upset enough so that he
was ready to possibly get violent, but by that point, the bell signaling
the end of the class and the end of that particular school day sounded and
I walked my friend down to his locker, then to the doors to the school,
since his bus was waiting by the curb.

I never forgot that and to this day, I hate that Bitch Cunt who called
herself a teacher.  I have not much anger for the kids who were teasing my
friend, as they were in a group and things like that can unfortunately
happen when teens with somewhat of a lack of impulse control are in a
group.  I have complete anger for this teacher, as she took advantage of
their barely formed inability to control their impulses and she used that
to her own advantage to abuse a boy weaker than her or anyone else.  I
don't know where she is now, but I hope she suffers.  If there was a Hell,
I truly wouldn't be saddened if she went to it and fried forever.  Have I
forgiven her?  No.  Do I think about it?  No.  Will I ever forgive her?
Fuck no!

That episode of abuse I saw with her as well as many others, and my
eventually stumbling upon the writings of Chris Hedges about five years ago
showed me that the powerful are of either two camps.  They're either of the
weak type which is the typical Vocational Rehabilitation Counselors for the
visually impaired, or they're psychopathic piece-of-shit Bastards and Cunts
like this particular teacher I just described.

The question in the end is not how do we get good people to rule, as the
correct assumption is that people looking for positions of authority and
power are either weak or mean-spirited.  So the question becomes, how to
get the powerful to be stopped from doing too much damage.  As Chris Hedges
correctly points out, it's not our job to take power.  It's our job to defy
the powerful, especially when they're set on using their power and
authority to abuse, exploit and subjugate others.

So everyone have a good evening, and I'll see everyone in Chapter 22.